Between Parenthood, Activism, and Identity: We're Back.

Ever been caught in the crossfires of a heated conflict, feeling lost, alone, and overwhelmed? Join us, Lynn and Tony, as we share our personal journey through the recent Israeli-Hamas conflict, an intense period that led us to a necessary digital detox. Let us take you through the emotional rollercoaster we rode, and how we found solace and support in unexpected places - our local community.

Strap in as we deep-dive into compelling discussions on Jewish identity, trauma, and the power of empathy in a conflict-ridden world. We share a poignant journey of a Jewish woman who found her way back to her roots after being raised in a secular home. Discover how she navigates the turbulent waters of social media, the barrage of anti-Semitic messages, and the importance of knowing and sharing her history. Also, as content creators, we tackle our struggles head-on, confronting the backlash for advocating for Jewish people and Israel, highlighting the resilience needed in these challenging times.

But it's not all serious. We promise laughter, love, and a healthy dose of reality as we recount our first year of parenthood, the joy, the sleepless nights, and the indescribable love that a child brings. We also recap our recent trip to London, filled with football, food, and activism - a noteworthy blend of fun, adventure, and advocacy. Prepare to experience life through our lens!

Chapters

00:00
Introduction and Mental State

02:29
Finding Community and Connecting with Faith

10:02
Coping with the Heavy Energy

14:18
Supporting Each Other and Processing Emotions

23:22
Celebrating the Podcast's Anniversary and Reflecting on the Past Year

37:25
Trip to London and Manchester

42:47
New Jersey Real Estate License and Cold Plunging

43:44
Upcoming Christmas Plans

Your hosts: @lynnhazan_ and @tonydoesknow

follow us on social @ltkpod!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hey, welcome to the Lynn and Tony Know podcast. I'm your host, lynn.

Speaker 2: 0:04

And I'm Tony. We are both wellness coaches and married with kids.

Speaker 1: 0:08

Join us as we talk about all things health, wellness, relationships, life hacks, parenting and everything in between unfiltered. Thanks for listening and let's get into it.

Speaker 2: 0:18

Welcome back.

Speaker 1: 0:21

Welcome to the show.

Speaker 2: 0:23

It has been a whole minute, yes, a minute. That's felt like a year.

Speaker 1: 0:27

Yeah, our last episode was October 11th, I believe. Yeah, somewhere around there and I actually listened to it recently because I feel like I don't even remember where I like mentally, where I was at that time, and it was a very hard listen for me because of just the mental state that I was in. And you know, of course we wanted to continue the podcast but it was just the energy was so heavy and I personally just couldn't really talk about it. Yeah, and we're talking about, you know, the war.

Speaker 2: 1:02

Right, we're talking, obviously talking about the war and Israel versus Hamas right now, but also our general tone is not super heavy. I mean, we talk about, we take on some pretty serious topics, but in the midst of all the energy that has been swirling around everywhere, it just didn't feel particularly authentic. It was authentic to keep going at that moment with what we were doing, simply, if nothing else, because we just weren't in the headspace for it.

Speaker 1: 1:34

I mean, I think for me personally it was too much. Especially being in the social media space, I felt just completely exhausted and because I'm Jewish and Israeli, I felt like I wasn't given a moment to grieve, like even before Israel was in Gaza, before the war started. Essentially I was just getting gaslit on social media and seeing the anti-Semitism and seeing people that I used to think were like my friend and colleagues and things like that, kind of almost celebrating what happened and not necessarily celebrating but justifying it. That was really heartbreaking for me and I think I needed to just be offline for a little bit and focus on just day to day. I literally took a few weeks off social media. I kind of went dark because it was just like too much and too much to cope. How do you view that time? For us it's a blur right now.

Speaker 2: 2:51

It's sort of a blur. So the process that I've been going through with all of this is one that when it first started it was very all-consuming. It was front and center energy. Our energy was being directed at it almost in its entirety, and I gave myself and us obviously a lot of grace to do that. Other things were falling by the wayside, this podcast included, and it's like okay, that's okay.

Speaker 2: 3:26

The moment is calling for something different right now and I'm okay with that. Now, over the past month or so, what has started to crystallize for me is that now I have to make space for this without it being the only thing that I'm paying attention to, right, because it's not just a moment in time now. Maybe when we zoom out on the course of 10 years, this will be a moment in time, and I hope that it does, because I don't want it to draw out any longer than it has to, but it's now. It's part of our daily lives, is understanding and staying informed and seeing what's going on and making our voices heard where we feel appropriate. So it's integrating this piece of our life into everything else we have going on which is quite a bit.

Speaker 1: 4:13

And I think for me specifically, what helped me get through this was finding my community, specifically in Jersey City, finding the Jewish community or the community of people who support the Jewish community so it's not just Jewish people. That really helped, because at the beginning I felt like really alone and I felt like it was like everything was like again, like I was like just like alone on an island and because I'm advocating for Jews and Israel, that I was against everybody else.

Speaker 2: 4:51

You know what.

Speaker 1: 4:51

I mean and that's what it felt at first and then starting to talk to other friends who are in the Jewish community and making new ones and we organized a few rallies to bring home the hostages and kind of just developed into this community that we were about like 150 people in like a what's up group and I have another group of Jewish moms that we talked to and that's been really helpful is seeking community offline, and I think before this I always felt like I didn't have necessarily a community and like I didn't have enough friends. Now I feel like I have too many friends.

Speaker 1: 5:38

Like, I have a lot of friends and you know, if you're listening and you're kind of wondering like you're in the same boat and it's hard to cope and you feel alone go offline and meet people, like meet people that are in your community. There are so, especially now, like the Jewish community is out there and they're planning events and they're loud and proud and I love that and you know, and it's really wonderful and healing and the silver lining of this tragedy is that I feel a lot more connected to the community. I feel more connected to my faith, I feel more connected to Israel. I feel, yeah, it's, that's the silver lining of all this.

Speaker 2: 6:21

Go into the piece a bit about being more connected to your faith.

Speaker 1: 6:26

I grew up in a secular home. My parents are Israeli, I'm Jewish. We celebrate the holidays more of a tradition thing, in a way of like.

Speaker 2: 6:38

Like I celebrate Christmas.

Speaker 1: 6:40

Yeah, it's like a reason to eat and drink and spend time with family. I did go to a private Jewish school when I lived in Montreal. Even then, I was always curious. I remember being a kid and all my friends were a little bit more religious. I would go to their homes for Shabbat dinner. I was always curious about that aspect. Because I was in a secular home, it was kind of like I was in and out. My parents don't believe in God. They have their reasons. Maybe we'll bring them over to ask them. I always found myself kind of like a spiritual person and connected. I think that when we got married we had a Jewish wedding. When we got married and you're not being Jewish, I was like, okay, I want to maybe level up the Judaism a little bit more.

Speaker 2: 7:33

You need to make up for my lack of, just because I want to make sure that my kids are Jewish.

Speaker 1: 7:39

It is important to me. We're only like 17 million in the whole world.

Speaker 2: 7:43

I think they're Jewish by default.

Speaker 1: 7:45

They are, but I want them to have that experience and education, knowing that they grow up and they are Jewish. So we started doing more of the holidays and everything. And then this happened and I feel even more wanting to know more and learn more and we've been doing Shabbat dinner every Friday. We went to Temple last week, which was here in Jersey City. The rabbi invited us and I was like, yeah, why not, let's go? And it was the first time in years since I've been to Temple for Shabbat. I've been to Temple for bar mitzvahs and things like that, but I haven't been in years, since I'm 16, essentially.

Speaker 2: 8:29

That was like 15 years ago.

Speaker 1: 8:31

Yeah, literally More than that.

Speaker 2: 8:33

Don't do that, yeah, don't do that, don't do that, don't do the math.

Speaker 1: 8:36

I was trying to. I was like, wait a second, this doesn't make sense. And we went to last Friday and it was really beautiful. And I'm reading from the prayer book Noah's crawling all over the floor. Yeah, noah's doing her thing. We're in the Temple and I'm reading from the prayer book and it all came back to me, all the prayers, and it was nice. It felt like a warm hug, like I'm being held by this higher power. It felt really healing.

Speaker 2: 9:02

Hashem.

Speaker 1: 9:03

Hashem. Yeah, it felt really healing and beautiful and started taking little Torah lessons online. Whenever I can, I try to read the weekly Torah segment or whatever, and it's been fun. I'm not saying we're going to turn full I do like shrimp and bacon and all that stuff so but it's been nice exploring that side and also learning more about our history and being able to speak on it, because people know that I'm Jewish and I'm Israeli and there's so much propaganda out there and so many lies and things are being twisted and our history is being rewritten and erased and I think I have the responsibility to know my history and know the truth so I can tell people whether I'm out and about or I can tell my children. So, yeah, so that's where we are and it's been nice, like I feel. Yeah, it feels good. It's been. That's been like how I've been coping with all this madness.

Speaker 2: 10:15

Yeah, it's been interesting from my point of view to see sort of the evolution of your grip on this thing Right, like the first three weeks in particular were just hellacious, just very hard, like when I think about the moments in time where it was just so hard, everything Right Because you can't really think clearly.

Speaker 1: 10:42

No, you can't really think clearly and I feel like people were expecting me, especially on social media, to debunk everything. And it's just so many people were. I was getting so many anti-Semitic DM messages and just the worst stuff. I don't even want to Like, it doesn't even deserve attention, but the worst stuff. That is like while I'm, at the same time, trying to cope with this disaster and this trauma and this re-traumatizing because I did grow up in Israel during a volatile time and it's like I was re-traumatized with this because it's like it brought back memories and things that I went through as a kid and people chanting wrong lived in Tafada when I lived in Israel during the Tafada, when I experienced it, and it's really triggering and it's really tough and people expecting me to just go on social media and talk about it when I'm dealing with this agony. It was like agony, pain and I just couldn't do it and I couldn't do it. And now I feel a little bit more confident in being able to have these discussions with people. Of course, I still get some awful messages and I just I block people. Like I've blocked 100 plus people at this point and you have to block it out. And I think I try to focus on the positives and the people who actually are willing to listen and are willing to have a conversation and are willing to learn the facts and not just take sides. And I said this the other day we're expected in the world that we live in, we're expected to pick a side. And when you pick a side, you don't look at, you lose your empathy, you lose your humanity. And when people pick a side the people tearing down posters of hostages they're so rooted in this side that they've chosen that they can't see the humanists of the other side.

Speaker 1: 12:56

I see both. I'm devastated for Palestinians. I see the devastation and I see everything that goes on there and my heart breaks and I can hold space for Palestinians and I can hold space for Israelis. This has been a conflict that has been part of my whole life my whole life. My whole life. When I was a teenager, I was very into the political world. I was like a peacenik, I was like far left and I was giving out flyers for two-state solution and I was part of an exchange program writing letters with Palestinian students. Like I always had this hope that I would grow up and there wouldn't be no IDF anymore, that there would be no terrorism, that we would be living peacefully alongside each other my whole life. So seeing this devastation from both sides is incredibly heartbreaking, and I can say that, and that's what it's. Just I feel like we've all like just lost our shit. We've all lost it.

Speaker 2: 14:06

Yeah, there's certainly a collective madness that is hanging over this at the moment and probably until it ends, but you seem to have found your port in the storm a little bit with, especially with, the community that you helped cultivate, and I was going to ask you what the difference between handling this two months ago and handling it now, and you sort of answered, I imagine, your question. Yeah, I think it's having community.

Speaker 1: 14:37

It's just having more confidence and time I was given I gave myself. I wasn't given the time I gave myself. I took the time to process. I took the time to grieve. I think for a month and a half I was depressed Like I was. I was not work, tony had to take care of a lot of stuff in the household and I was in my sweatpants Like I did the bare minimum, the bare minimum. I wasn't doing great mentally and I feel like I'm slowly and I think springing into action and being part of this community and doing things in the community, planning events and talking to friends and doing those things has helped me move through these feelings. But they're still there.

Speaker 1: 15:29

Every day I wake up and it's October 7th to me every single day and I think it's going to be like that for a very long time, because this still happens and it still plays in my head and I still see all the videos and it's still going on. It's still very real, but it's just part of me now, you know, it just kind of become part of me and I think it'll, and that's I think every Jewish person and Palestinian. You know this is part of us. This is something that is carried with us through our day to day lives and we're expected to pay the bills and take care of our homes. And while this is still going on, and every morning I wake up and I'm like what am I going to read about today? You know what's going to happen today, like what? And I brace myself. But yeah, time, yeah Time, people and community that's how you heal from this, I guess.

Speaker 2: 16:36

Yeah, that's about the recipe and just letting yourself right, just letting yourself feel whatever is there in any given moment.

Speaker 1: 16:48

Like do you remember when we did that, so Tony helped me with some breathing exercise? Do you remember how, what a like in a mental space I was in?

Speaker 2: 16:59

Yeah, it was the. It was probably the first time. Well, let me set the table here a little bit on what happened. So obviously we've talked about the community of men that I'm a part of the growth, growth-centered, wellness-centered and I have regular coaching calls with the senior people in that organization and one of them is very tuned in with the energetic field and with meditation and leads a lot of guided meditations. I had a call with him that night and beforehand I asked him if I could bring you on to be on the call with me to kind of work through some stuff together around what was happening. And he said, of course, and so he took us to a guided meditation that brought up a lot for you, like you were. It was the first time that you were really going there.

Speaker 2: 17:51

I feel like Like so much fight or flight had taken place over the previous. I think this was like three weeks in that you weren't really able to like just be okay, feeling all the sadness that you had and that just bubbled up to the surface very intensely. And then, towards the end of the call, he recommended that I facilitate you in some of the breathwork exercises that we do in this group, which is a form of breathwork called SRI, which is somatic respiratory integration, and I took you through some of the first exercises in that and it actually felt like you got even deeper with, particularly the sadness and the suffering that you were going through. And one of the outcomes of successfully getting with the suffering that's there for you can be laughter and joy, because ultimately, when you move through the experience fully and experience it all the way to the end, you'll find joy, you'll find gratitude, you'll find laughter and at the end of the exercise you started dying laughing. I was leaning over you.

Speaker 1: 18:57

I was like I was like crying and laughing. It was like, yeah, I was like a little crazy.

Speaker 2: 19:03

Yeah, but it was because you were expressing yourself fully and allowing yourself to go there.

Speaker 1: 19:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:09

That really worked its magic. Yeah, I mean the only way to get through it is to get through it and to feel it.

Speaker 1: 19:16

And I still struggle with it sometimes. Like there's this I feel like natural instinct of pushing the feelings down because they're so uncomfortable.

Speaker 2: 19:24

Yeah, it's also an instinct for you in particular, that's been reinforced over and over again through your attempts at expressing yourself, through what's happening and being told that you're wrong or that I'm a baby killer. So yeah.

Speaker 1: 19:42

And I want to talk about this specifically, and I don't want to talk about this whole thing, this whole episode, but all the messages that I've received about a dozen messages and I'm always open to discourse, I'm open to talking, I'm open to different opinions 100%. I follow a ton of people that I don't necessarily agree with, because I want to see a different perspective.

Speaker 1: 20:03

You know, what I mean. I want to be open to that, and the DMs that I get that are very anti-Semitic always start with I really loved following you, or I really like following you, but why do you support murdering Palestinians? Why do you support killing babies? And it's so horrible and manipulative.

Speaker 2: 20:29

Yeah, I know, it's a straw man.

Speaker 1: 20:32

But why do they start with?

Speaker 2: 20:34

I really liked following you, but I don't know, I don't know, to make it more impactful.

Speaker 1: 20:47

Yeah, it's like oh, you don't like following me anymore, because Because I'm advocating for, for Jewish people, like for you know what I mean. Like it's just like a weird it just like I've noticed that's like the pattern, it's like literally the I like following you. Like you know, I used to love following you, I love your page, but why do you hail Satan?

Speaker 1: 21:10

You know what I mean. Like in what world does that like become the message? You know me advocating for Jewish people and Me advocating for Israel, and I again, I don't necessarily agree with everything the Israeli government does. Like I, we were, we were marching against, against in y'all like I. Yeah, like we're. You know, I don't necessarily agree with everything the Israeli government does and I don't agree, I don't like.

Speaker 2: 21:37

Yeah, it's just nobody agrees with their government. 100% time, in fact, in our country, oh, 50% of the people don't yeah. Most always.

Speaker 1: 21:47

It's rough out there. It's hard being a. It's hard being a content creator and Jewish right now. Yeah very hard. Yeah, it's very, very hard and you know, I I don't have such the largest following and I see that some Influencers who have been advocating, who have a lot more and they get, they get beat up and I don't know how they do it. No like it's hard to tune it out sometimes.

Speaker 2: 22:15

I'm sure it's hard for them to tune out sometimes. Yeah well, but you know, I guess, I guess, when it comes to that type of constant assault, you have to find an anchor of why you're doing it and make that why so much bigger and so much.

Speaker 1: 22:29

Yeah powerful than any of the hateful, and that's what I've been trying to do and I think I've been getting better at that. That. I I know where my heart is and I, and and Nobody can tell me where my heart stands.

Speaker 1: 22:43

Right, you know and you can say whatever you want about me, but I know where, where my heart is, and I try to really focus on that you know it's a beautiful tactic and for and, for the most part, most of the people that I've spoken to, even if they don't agree, have respected my, my views and have taken the time to to listen and have, you know, productive conversations, and to me that's all that matters, yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:11

Certainly matters far more than any of the yeah look at me, negativity that comes through.

Speaker 1: 23:16

Yeah, for sure yeah. Okay okay we talked about that. We let that out.

Speaker 2: 23:22

It's done.

Speaker 1: 23:23

We can, you know, get back to the podcast, because we got it. You know we got to move on with life. Yes we got to keep life going. Yes and it is you know, and I'm sure we'll probably bring this back up. You know, I'd love to Bring on some guests in the future to talk a little bit more, but today I texted Tony. I was like we have to record an episode today. Why because tomorrow is our what.

Speaker 2: 23:52

It'll technically be today when you say this yeah, the world at large right so today is the.

Speaker 1: 24:00

Today is the one year anniversary of the podcast, a Nois birthday. So if you've been, you know, listening since the beginning, you know that we released our first episode While I was in labor first two first two episodes.

Speaker 2: 24:19

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:19

Wow. Yeah while I was in labor. And now we are a year later and we have this cute little studio and we have a cute little baby. You, a little baby who's?

Speaker 2: 24:31

almost walking. What if we just switched Noah's birthday party to a LTK birthday party? Tell anybody. Yeah, that's how it is.

Speaker 1: 24:41

For the rest of time, I don't really know, it's her birthday, you know, but what a year this has been Uh indescribable it's been both the best and hardest year of my life.

Speaker 2: 24:55

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's hard.

Speaker 1: 24:59

last year was really good yeah but like in, like this child has brought me so much joy, totally and purpose. But at the same time you know postpartum and everything going on in the world and you know just everything, just the climate of everything has been really hard and I think to myself like fuck, if I didn't have Noah, like I would be in a dark place Because you know my Mia's 11 and she of course brings me a lot of joy, but she has like her own life, she has her own things, you know.

Speaker 1: 25:34

But I'm so busy with Noah that like I can't get into that dark place Because I just can't, like I have literally responsibility, like I'm with her almost all, pretty much all day, taking care of her from morning, so I need to like and she, she's cute and happy and does cute things and it's like no what's and it snaps me.

Speaker 1: 25:55

It like literally snaps me out of it, yeah, and sometimes I'll be on my phone and she'll literally grab my phone like she'd like commands. She demands attention and I really think that the last couple of months she Helped me. Like I know she's only a year old and she doesn't know what she's actually doing, but having her To take care of her has given me purpose and has made me not sing into a Deep, yeah, dark hole.

Speaker 2: 26:27

Hard to be depressed around her. She's adorable.

Speaker 1: 26:30

She's the best, and what a year this has been taking care of her.

Speaker 2: 26:33

Yeah, whirlwind.

Speaker 1: 26:35

Like it goes by so fast, instantly, like we, when we release this podcast, we were in the thick of it. In the thick you know we were. How did we even record episodes? Like in the newborn, like no, like you need to show like old footage of me like in in, like sweatpants, and like day old sweatpants would like Spit up all over me like Noah, like just hanging out in my arms like tiny you know? Like how did we do it? I?

Speaker 2: 27:07

Don't know, it was one of those things and this is the only way I can describe it was just one of those things where you just had to get through it. So you did like, obviously we're going to figure this out somehow, but I don't think there was no like practical.

Speaker 1: 27:22

Do you remember the sleepless nights?

Speaker 2: 27:24

Yeah, I remember specifically the one night where we were I Read maybe it was me that read something somewhere that turn on the red lights.

Speaker 1: 27:33

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:34

Instead of turning the lights on when you wake up and get be with the babies, so it doesn't mess up your circadian rhythm or whatever. And we did that once, I think, yeah. Waking up and turning on those lights and it just felt like an absolute freak shows, like everything in our room was red, baby screaming I'm trying to change your diaper feeder, rocker back to sleep and I was just like no, I can't like, even if I don't care how messed up my sleep is, I cannot do these red terror lights.

Speaker 2: 28:03

Yeah, it's while I'm dealing with absolute chaos, like it's making it worse, but that was, I Was just a time. You get through. You just get through it.

Speaker 1: 28:14

It feels like so long ago now, 100%, and she still wakes up sometimes.

Speaker 2: 28:19

Yeah, but it's like it's, but it gets.

Speaker 1: 28:23

It's, do you think? Do you think, now that she's almost one, do you think it's easier than when she was an infant?

Speaker 2: 28:31

Parts of it are easier and parts of it are harder. The nights are One thousand percent easier.

Speaker 1: 28:35

The days are Slightly more complicated going out with her is much harder going out with her is way harder, but like as if you okay. So if you have an infant, yeah, you might be exhausted and not sleeping at night and just a hot mess. But when you take the baby out they're generally just quiet, like in the stroller. They take net. They sleep a ton. The older they get, the more like mischievous, mischievous curious, needing to like.

Speaker 1: 29:07

You know like you have to be super strategic, going to a restaurant Like you can't just put, put them in the cart in the high chair right away because they'll get bored. So you either have to order food right away, bring snacks, bring a toy, you know, let them like walk around, or crawl around if you can't, or like have them like move around before you strap them in, you know, the the high chair, and Then you just like it's survival. It's like give them snacks, milk, you know milk, give them like toys, just keep you like. I feel like when I'm eating lunch, I'm just like, okay, what's it? I feel like I'm like MacGyver, you know. Like what's the next thing? Like today I get a gate. Was she got bored? I was like here's a salt shaker.

Speaker 2: 29:54

Like here's a slender packet like she's a combination lock that changes combinations every day and you, just, you just want them to remain calm. Yeah, but all of that said it's hard it is hard, but I wouldn't trade this hard for that hard again, if that makes sense. Yeah yeah, hard is the sleep. I mean you're trading everything else for sleep. It's also like as a woman.

Speaker 1: 30:20

Postpartum is brutal because you're also recovering physically and I'm finally back to like my Fighting weight my, that's not even just about weight, but I feel healthy, I feel fit, I feel like like my clothes, fit. You know what I mean. Like I, so I don't. I'm not like thinking about cons, you know you're like I feel like all. Maybe I feel like all women are a little consumed by like the postpartum. Like you feel like shit, like you're recovering and like you, yeah, and not having that take up any men Mental space like is definitely the best, but it took. It took pretty much almost a whole year, almost. Yeah, you know where I like.

Speaker 2: 31:00

Oh, you know, like I can wear normal jeans and yeah yeah, yeah, right about the time you got to take that off your mental load. The war started. Yeah, yeah, yeah right about just replaced, just replaced it replaced it Definitely helped me lose the last two pounds. I have no doubt.

Speaker 1: 31:25

Sadly.

Speaker 2: 31:29

Yeah, we made it to a year made it a year. She is thriving.

Speaker 1: 31:34

How are we doing like marriage-wise?

Speaker 2: 31:37

marriage-wise is like. Of all the things we've had to worry about in the past year, that is simply not one of them. We've had to pay attention.

Speaker 2: 31:46

There's been, you know, there's been weeks where it's like, ah, we have not Paid enough attention to each other, but it's never been like you're not giving me enough attention, it's like we just notice yeah we notice and we bring it up and then we Correct as best we can and you know We've sprinkled in a couple trips here and there that have helped keep us like together, where we're like just with each other.

Speaker 1: 32:08

So our marriage is beautiful and One of the what are tips for couples like going through all this heaviness, how, because it can be easy to like, just like a Sort of abandon your relationship or your marriage because, like it's everything so heavy, like how, like it's hard being romantic and it's hard planning date nights and having sex and things like that, when, like the energy is so heavy and it's so intense, like what, like how did we do it? So?

Speaker 2: 32:40

like, what happened early on is and I know we're like kind of past the, the war stuff, but it this is kind of where it started to take shape is In the first week. Even I noticed at one point like we were both just in our own Depressed bubbles about yeah, I remember that just existing in the house and kind of floating around yeah in our own shit About what was going on, and not like we're experiencing it in the same room but separately.

Speaker 2: 33:10

So the first piece of advice I would give is to Let each other in. Like, just let each other in for real, where you are with it. Like not either one has to be Stronger for the other one, not either one has to put on a brave face and just suck it up so the other one doesn't feel. You know, there's no power in that. The only power you can get as a couple is to experience it fully with each other. Like if I'm going Through it and I'm feeling a certain way, I got to get over the hump of like, well, I need to be strong for her because, first of all, you're gonna feel it, whether I say it or not, you're gonna feel something in the air. And number two, there is only power in the vulnerability. Like if I share with you that I'm really feeling heaviness and I'm feeling hurt and sadness, all these things, you're not gonna look at him and go well, I can't count on him. He's feeling. So that's the biggest one.

Speaker 1: 34:03

Yeah, now I remember there was like one night specifically like I was just like on the couch like on Doom scrolling and you were like you just like came into the room and you had like phone calls I guess schedule and you're like I'm gonna cancel my calls and I want to hang out with you Like.

Speaker 2: 34:19

I think we need to hang out and like you you got a moat like.

Speaker 1: 34:22

You got a little bit like emotional.

Speaker 2: 34:24

Yeah, yeah for sure, because, like that was when I realized what was happening. Yeah, like we were, we were experiencing this thing completely isolated from each other, not on purpose, just that's just what happened. So that's, that's the first piece for me, and probably the biggest and of course you know, thematically, it's the rest of your relationship too Is that would be the best practice is to be able to share whatever you're feeling or going through.

Speaker 2: 34:50

Yeah and the second part, especially when so much attention of ours is required in so many places right now. You have to be pretty strategic, like you have to be intentional, like you're not just gonna be able to up and be like, oh yeah, we have now, we have some time here to like let's do something. It's no, you're gonna have to pay attention and really weave it in where it can be, where it can fit.

Speaker 1: 35:15

So and I also think is like is Jumping on the micro moments. Like you might not have long moments because, especially when things feel like intense and all over the place, having those micro moments of just love and affection and attention whenever you can, whether it's like sending a cute text, whether it's sliding in their DMs or, you know, a nice long hug in the morning, those like those are so important to continue. You know, if you don't have time for like a date night or just things are feel like too much. You know what I mean. Yeah, like doing those little things.

Speaker 2: 35:52

Yeah, the the scale is tipped heavily in favor of quality versus quantity when it comes to intimate moments Like you're speaking to, like mine, it does not have to be this long, elaborate, drawn-out thing, like just connecting in a single moment and being real and being present, being a hundred percent there with each other and go a long way. Yeah, right, so it.

Speaker 1: 36:13

And of course, the, the bigger, more elaborate intimate moments are great, but when you don't have the space for that, in that in a week or a month or whatever, it is, and these are habits in general that are good to have always, so that when things feel a little bit Heavy and sad and intense, that used to have those habits in place, that it's just like, it's not like, it's not even a thought.

Speaker 2: 36:36

Yeah, no, like you can't just you can't just pull these out of nowhere, right when it happens. These are all foundational things that need to exist in your relationship so that, when the heaviness comes, when the crisis comes, when Whatever is coming through that you have no control of and is going to start taking your energy, you can just crank the dial a little bit right. You can consciously be like like open that valve and be like, alright, this is something I'm gonna have to pay attention to as well, or else it's gonna get lost in a shuffle. But you don't stand a chance to do that unless it's already there. Yeah, so those, those are the two major things that I would say you would want to have in place.

Speaker 1: 37:11

Or, or times like this, yeah, yeah, let's talk a little bit about what you know our listeners miss, like what we've been, what we've done, like our trip to London.

Speaker 2: 37:24

Oh, we went to London and it was such a banging good time In it, wonderful in it.

Speaker 1: 37:31

Oh, so I surprised Tony for his birthday with trip to London and tickets to see Manchester City and which is his favorite team of all times. Yeah and how was that?

Speaker 2: 37:46

it was Amazing. London looks and Manchester for that matter, the area that we were in. We were in like the northern North-east part of Manchester hanging out after the game. In both London and Manchester just look like movie sets, like every Storefront is immaculate, the streets are clean, like the decor, and any restaurant you go to is top tier.

Speaker 1: 38:09

Yeah, it's cute. It's really and of course, we went to a huge March against anti-Semitism yeah the largest, of course. Europe. Yeah, I think it was pretty, it was like comedy. Hundred thousand thousand. Yeah, it was beautiful. Yeah it was so nice to be part of and like this crazy scenery and, yeah, it was very peaceful.

Speaker 2: 38:30

No, it was yeah, like the whole trip.

Speaker 1: 38:33

Yeah epic.

Speaker 2: 38:34

It was amazing trip.

Speaker 1: 38:35

It was our first time away from Noah.

Speaker 2: 38:38

Yes, it was shout out, mom and dad. They killed it while we were gone, like you know, not a. That was scary, a little scary for me.

Speaker 1: 38:44

But I think I handle it really well. I know that really well, like I handle it better than I, but there was nothing I think we were so busy that I like didn't have a chance to be like I miss my baby only on the flight back I was like I cannot wait to kiss her.

Speaker 2: 38:57

Yeah but at that point at least there's a light at the end of the time. Yeah you didn't spend. Yeah, you didn't spend any time like worried about yeah, I was it unbelievable, such a good feeling to be able to like have our first trip away and Then also have like the ability to like just goof off. Yeah, things we do when we're by ourselves.

Speaker 1: 39:14

We're like.

Speaker 2: 39:15

We're like teenagers absolute children In the best way we said. We had so much fun, we wait, waited in line for literally everything.

Speaker 1: 39:26

We never do that. Yeah, wouldn't they wait in line for anything we waited in line for like an hour and a half for this Indian restaurant called the shum Everyone told us to go to and it was like listen, who am I to argue with? Like everybody and it like. I saw the line and I was like this place must be good, like it's huge. It's also huge like two two floors and there's this massive line, and they were like it was cold as shit.

Speaker 1: 39:50

And it straight up lied about and they like kept giving out like shots, shots and like chai tea, and I was like we're waiting, you know, like we're waiting for this and it was so worth it, it was delicious and I was like, all right, I guess London is like a waiting in line type of deal and we did and and how was?

Speaker 2: 40:06

the soccer game, though, like it was a lot of fun it was. It was very cool to see it in person and kind of get to feel how fast it is in real time, and Also the fans need to wake tf up that was weird, like the fans were so quiet.

Speaker 1: 40:25

I was like I was, like I was looking forward to, like Getting out some like energy and like screaming and being like, yeah, fuck you, no, fuck you know.

Speaker 2: 40:34

Like yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1: 40:37

You know like, I don't know like, just like, a little like it was a lot scream, you know, and everyone was like, it was like crickets. I was like what is happening? Why is everybody so stuck up? Where am I?

Speaker 2: 40:50

Yeah, I can't.

Speaker 1: 40:51

I can't Begin to defend the matches or city fans, wake the fuck up.

Speaker 2: 40:56

Yeah, they did, it was really very quiet.

Speaker 1: 40:59

I was like at an opera. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 41:02

It's like fan base, they're spoiled, spoiled.

Speaker 1: 41:04

They go in expecting that's why they they lost a few games recently. No, that's crazy.

Speaker 2: 41:10

Anyway, this is not a sports podcast.

Speaker 1: 41:12

I don't know anything about sports, but you called that you.

Speaker 2: 41:15

You were like Like what is everybody so quiet?

Speaker 1: 41:19

like I was waiting. I was like let's go, you know.

Speaker 2: 41:22

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 41:23

I wanted to like see some like you know man stuff, you know you go to sports. You want to like that's the point I mean, I remember you like living in Montreal, I used to go to hockey games and I get so route, route, like I'm, so, like not a violent person. So I guess, like when you put me in that situation, like I, it gets exciting for me because I'm like in real life.

Speaker 1: 41:43

We're never you know, I don't know it's like, you know it's very, it's contained and like it's acceptable you know they say yeah, so like I would go to hockey games and like when they would like take the gloves off and start like beating each other up, I'm like, yeah, I like swear in French Canadian. You know like I see, yeah, go. You know like it's fun.

Speaker 2: 42:04

Yeah, no, I was like waiting for that.

Speaker 1: 42:07

I feel like I we need to go to some like football games so I can get that that hit. Yeah, maybe but anyway it was fun. It was fun and we had fish and chips and yes, we did Chips and gravy we did some good eating.

Speaker 2: 42:20

This is really yeah, I was very surprised.

Speaker 1: 42:22

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 42:23

I mean, I don't know why. It's obviously metropolitan city, they're gonna have a great culinary scene, but no, you don't hear anybody talk about yeah, like nobody goes there and talks like, oh my god, the food was great, but it was. Yeah, it was really good.

Speaker 1: 42:35

So what else did? Did people mess?

Speaker 2: 42:38

I got my New Jersey real estate license. Mazel tov and I will be open for business.

Speaker 1: 42:44

We'll say this is our sponsored ad for today.

Speaker 2: 42:48

This is our ad break.

Speaker 1: 42:50

It's $10, please, I'm proud of you, babe. Yeah, let's make this money.

Speaker 2: 42:56

We will be open for business in January, I would say amazing.

Speaker 1: 43:01

Time to go and I'm sure people want to know about our cold plunging.

Speaker 2: 43:06

Yeah, it's been a little hot and cold with the vacation. There were a couple days where we felt like we were getting sick.

Speaker 1: 43:11

We haven't been really we haven't been religious. We haven't been religious about it, because, yeah, things are, but we've been doing it like we've been, at least once or twice a week been doing it.

Speaker 2: 43:22

We'll be back.

Speaker 1: 43:23

Yeah, we're tomorrow birthday plunge tomorrow, yeah so but that's been fun. A Little bit hard in the winter and I'm gonna lie, it's really hard, it's really hard. Yeah, it's all day.

Speaker 2: 43:36

No, it's yeah, dude, it's three hours of your day. Yeah, just boom cold.

Speaker 1: 43:40

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 43:42

Yeah, that is I.

Speaker 1: 43:44

Think that's it. I mean, it's the holidays now and we're gearing up for Christmas. We're gonna go to Tony's family in West Virginia. Yeah and I'm so excited for no one not to be my problem for four or five days. I'm gonna be sitting on the couch. I don't want anybody bothering me. I'm gonna be watching Christmas movies while eating snacks.

Speaker 2: 44:04

Okay.

Speaker 1: 44:05

I plan on gaining one and a half pounds. I. Specifically specifically, I plan on drinking eggnog, so make sure your mom gets them for me, and that's it. Like pajama, I want flannel pajamas. Couch, leave me alone. I'm gonna make brisket, and that's it. Okay, that'll be enough to marry Chris Maka perfect, All right all right, that's it for today, and we're so excited to be back. Yeah, thanks for listening. Bye, bye.

Speaker 2: 45:10

You.