How and Why to Stop Complaining

Are you tired of chronic complaining and feeling trapped in a victim mentality? 

Join me, Wendy Johnson, on a transformative journey to help you break free from this cycle. Our conversation will explore how grumbling affects our mental state, robbing us of our zest for life. 

Drawing inspiration from renowned thinkers like Eckhart Tolle and Zig Ziglar, I'll share three powerful choices: embrace the situation, instigate change, or gracefully exit.

But that's not all. I'll also guide you through a 21-day challenge designed to cultivate a complaint-free existence and teach you a simple, yet powerful technique to turn your complaints into expressions of gratitude or actionable plans. By recognizing the true power of our words, we can transform our mindset and shape our destiny.

Join a community of women dedicated to self-improvement and enhancing their daily lives. This inspiring group will help you achieve a "Mindset Makeover," surrounded by stories and insights that promise to elevate your journey towards exceptional living. Discover the power of a refreshed perspective and step into a world of boundless potential and well-being.

Quote: “When you complain, you make yourself a victim.  Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it.  All else is madness.”  ~ Eckhart Tolle

Quote:   “The more you complain about your problems, the more problems you will have to complain about.” ~ Zig Ziglar

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About Wendy Johnson:

I'm a certified life coach for women who want to take their 'good' lives and make them extraordinary with personal development and life coaching tools. If you are going to find your passion, increase your self-confidence, make more money, strengthen your relationships, build your business, and do it with less struggle and frustration then you're in the right place. My programs are for busy women who want to feel better and live well in their everyday lives.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You're listening to the Extraordinary Every Day Podcast with Wendy Johnson, episode number 48.

Speaker 2: 0:08

Welcome to the Extraordinary Every Day Podcast, where women come to be inspired and motivated to become the best version of themselves and elevate the quality of their everyday. Now here's your host, certified life coach, wendy Johnson.

Speaker 1: 0:26

Hello, beautiful friends, how are you doing today? In today's episode, I want to talk to you about how and why to stop complaining, and I love this quote by Eckhart Tolle when you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness Talking about complaining because I caught myself complaining yesterday about the rain and I'll tell you a little bit more about that later on in the podcast. The problem we have with complaining is it keeps you in the same thinking and reinforces yourself as a victim. And what do victims do? They often create more situations to be victimized. It becomes a pattern in a way of life. It's a very strong habit. Complaining is draining and it takes energy away from your today You've heard me say many times that everything is energy. Energy is forming who you are being. Your energy determines how you think, how you show up in the world, what you do or don't do, and complaining never solves problems. When we complain and we stay with the problem and we accept it, we're staying with what we don't want. What is a complaint? A complaint is a statement that a situation or person is unsatisfactory or unacceptable. Complaining is a form of gossiping, criticizing and comparing yourself to other people, and I want you to know it's okay to find things unacceptable. You can talk about your dislike and do nothing about it. That's not okay. Complaining is not pretending that nothing is wrong or that you don't have challenges. It's about moving from being a victim to a creator. And Zigg Ziggler says the more you complain about your problems, the more problems you will have to complain about. Isn't that the truth? The reasons why you want to live a complaint free life is to feel empowered and to experience more joy, to create more of what you want, to continue to expand and grow yourself and move forward. When we're complaining, we're staying stuck in this situation, and have you ever noticed, when you complain, how bad that makes you feel? And there's a lot of areas we complain about. We can complain about other people. The environment is a big one, the weather, your home or a place. You complain about yourself, the economy, the money situation, your job or your health, thank you. And the benefit of becoming complaint free is that it reinforces awareness of what you're thinking and saying. And, as Eckhart Tolle says, you have three choices you can accept where you are and what you're complaining about, or leave it, or change it. Those are the three choices you have, and when you do this, you're becoming more aware of how you're complaining. And one strong indication that you're complaining is how you're feeling.

Speaker 1: 4:26

Strong negative emotions come from thoughts you're thinking or seeing. The ones that are easier to catch are the ones that are out loud, because you can hear yourself saying it and it's easy to notice when someone else is complaining, isn't it? Have you ever noticed how you feel after you've spent time with someone who complains a lot? You leave that person and you feel this low energy. You feel worse after being with them and while they're complaining, you're thinking of how you can get away from them. And if you're complaining to yourself with your thinking, notice how you're feeling.

Speaker 1: 5:11

The complaining is a habit and it's a constant reel of negative thoughts about how you're not good enough. Maybe you said something stupid, you can't figure something out, your body's ugly and you can't make good decisions. It can go on and on Notice. If you're saying things like that to yourself, when you do this, you're staying where you are and you're accepting what you don't want and you're not willing to change it. So what I want to talk to you today about is how to break the complaining habit. The first step is awareness of your complaints and their impact on your life. Notice how much you're complaining, notice how you're thinking and how you're feeling, and also don't complain about complaining.

Speaker 1: 6:10

There's a book out there that was written in 2007. I've not read it, but it's a book by Will Bowen called A Complaint Free World, and he has this 21 day challenge and in the book it says that there is a purple free bracelet, and I've read in one of the reviews that this is not a complaint, but you have to buy 10 for $10. And what you do is you wear this purple bracelet on one wrist and when you complain, you move it to the other wrist. The author says that to do this 21 day challenge and be complaint free for 21 days, it takes five to eight months for the typical person to be able to be complaint free. So, if you're interested, that book is available.

Speaker 1: 7:14

And step two is to practice turning each complaint around with the word and what you're doing is you're finding a solution or gratitude in the complaint. Let me give you an example. This was something that I was doing yesterday. We had a rainy day yesterday, that's the fact, but I made it mean oh darn, it's raining again. I don't want to have more gloomy weather. Notice how that feels. I noticed how it felt. I had an off day yesterday. It doesn't feel good because we can't do anything about the rain. The rain is a fact. We have no control over it. After you notice, you're complaining oh darn, it's raining again. Well, use the word and the rain is watering all the plants in the yard. The water can be turned off, the flowers are happier. This will help with the water shortage we're having. What you're doing is you're shifting into gratitude. You notice the complaint, you use the word and and then you give yourself a solution or gratitude for the complaint and notice how much better you feel when you find what you're grateful for in the complaint.

Speaker 1: 8:48

What I've discovered over the years is that many things I've complained about I'm grateful for. I've complained about cleaning the house, and I'm grateful for having a house to clean. I've complained about my partner being messy, and I have a loving partner who I love to live with. I've complained about my child being late, and I'm grateful. I have a loving, healthy child. I've complained about working a long day at my office, and I have a job and I love the job, so we're flipping the switch, and this will create better feelings.

Speaker 1: 9:39

And step three is to look for a solution. Let's say you're at a restaurant and your food is delivered to you cold at the table. Rather than complain about it and say that this food is terrible, the restaurant is terrible, I'm not coming back here, what you want to do is speak up and ask for another plate of hot food. Or say your steak comes out and it's way too rare inside. Rather than eat it and complain about it, ask your waiter to have the steak cooked to medium. Another example you're struggling with your health and you're complaining about it, and here's what I'm doing to fix it I'm going to bed earlier, I'm eating healthier, I'm having lab work done, I'm staying at home and caring for myself until I'm well. Maybe you don't like your job and you're ready to get another job. The most important thing you can do in this situation is to bloom where you are planted.

Speaker 1: 10:56

Many years ago, I had a job that was draining me. I loved my job, but I felt like I had to stay in the office because the boss was staying in the office. The boss was skipping lunch and eating lunch at his desk and I became stressed, exhausted and miserable, and I made a decision then that I was going to bloom and I was going to love this job. So what I did was I started packing healthy lunches and going to the local park I lived in Tempierra Zona at the time and having a picnic in the park. I took walks during the day. I wore clothing that I love to wear, I brightened my desk with flowers. I did something nice for someone in the office. I surprised them with birthday cake or brought coffee for them, and there was a time where I took golf lessons during my lunch break and I had a long commute and I decided, on my way home from work two times a week, I would stop at a yoga studio and take a class on my way home, because I was coming home and I was exhausted and stressed. And as I started to brighten my day, I noticed shifts in how I was feeling about my job. I noticed shifts in other people within my job. I was feeling better and I ended up staying at that job for many years.

Speaker 1: 12:41

So now what I want to do is talk about situations or people that tend to trigger your complaints. What I want you to do is a little bit of reflection, write them down. The first step is to identify your complaint triggers. Is it a person or a situation that is triggering? You Just become aware of who or what it is. And the second step is to track your complaint and you can wear the band on your wrist and snap it and switch it to the other wrist, or you could have a complaint jar. Every time you or someone in your family complains, you have to put a dollar in the jar.

Speaker 1: 13:28

And step three is to identify your common complaints. What are your top three to five complaints that you're living with and how do these complaints make you feel and what are you doing about it? When you feel this way, are you changing the situation or are you living with it and are you benefiting from your complaining? What is this complaint costing you? And when you do complain, can you find gratitude or a solution in the complaint? And good news when you practice living a complaint-free life, you're going to rewire your brain, and when you think different thoughts, you're going to live into possibilities and solutions and you'll attract more of what you want in your life.

Speaker 1: 14:21

The person who is complaint-free is living a joyful life and is a joy to be around. When you do this, you support yourself and you have your own back and you're not being complacent and getting yourself stuck with people or situations that you don't want to be in. After catching myself complaining yesterday about the rain, it prompted me to prepare this episode for you, because this is a habit that is hard to break and it's always good to come back to and to notice if there's things you're living with, that you're putting up with and that you can make changes. So let's do a recap. You have three choices. You can accept where you are and what you're complaining about. You can leave it or change it and to break the complaining habit.

Speaker 1: 15:22

First, you want to have awareness of your complaints and their impact on your life. Secondly, you want to practice turning each complaint around with the word and finding a solution or gratitude in the complaint. And third, you want to look for a solution and then, for the reflection part, step one is to identify your complaint triggers list three to five and step two is to track your complaint for a certain period of time. And step three is to identify your common complaint and then answer the questions how does the complaint make you feel? What do you do when you feel this way? How do you change the situation? How do you benefit from the complaint? What is this complaint costing you, and can you find gratitude in the complaint? I hope you all have a beautiful week and I look forward to being with you next week. Take care, friends. Bye-bye.

Speaker 3: 16:29

Hey, if you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out more. You, my community of like-minded women. We show up to create the highest version of ourselves and elevate the quality of our everyday. Along the way. Head over to ontracklifecoachingcom forward, slash, join. That's O-N-T-R-A-C lifecoachingcom forward, slash, join. I'd love to see you in there. And if you haven't grabbed your copy of the mindset makeover, head over to ontracklifecoachingcom forward slash makeover and get a copy that teaches and inspires you to show up as your most extraordinary self.