The Extraordinary Everyday
The Extraordinary Everyday
Silencing the Inner Critic: Overcoming Self-Sabotage for Personal Success
Ever feel like you're your own worst enemy? That's the power of the inner critic—those nagging doubts and fears that seem to know exactly how to keep us from reaching our full potential. In an eye-opening conversation, we explore these pervasive self-saboteurs, identifying the seven most common types that lurk in our minds, from the relentless Perfectionist to the cunning Guilt Tripper. Together we navigate through their devious plan and introduce three transformative tools to help you quiet the internal naysayers and reclaim your confidence, setting the stage for success in personal growth, relationships, and your career.
As the episode winds down, we don't just say goodbye—we open the doors to continued growth and self-discovery for women. I invite you to join our vibrant community where we can foster support and encouragement. Remember, those inner voices aren't just critics; they're also messengers, and by learning to engage with them constructively, they can become allies on our journey. So if you're ready to turn whispers of doubt into shouts of triumph, hit that subscribe button, share the inspiration with friends, and join us each week for more empowering discussions that will help pave the way to becoming the best version of yourself.
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About Wendy Johnson:
I'm a certified life coach for women who want to take their 'good' lives and make them extraordinary with personal development and life coaching tools. If you are going to find your passion, increase your self-confidence, make more money, strengthen your relationships, build your business, and do it with less struggle and frustration then you're in the right place. My programs are for busy women who want to feel better and live well in their everyday lives.
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You're listening to the Extraordinary Everyday podcast with Wendy Johnson, episode number 45.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Extraordinary Everyday podcast where women come to be inspired and motivated to become the best version of themselves and elevate the quality of their everyday. Now here's your host, certified life coach, wendy Johnson.
Speaker 1:Hello, beautiful friends. How are you doing today? I'm doing well and I'm excited to be with you Today. I want to talk about the types of inner critics and how to silence them. Maybe you've heard that little boy saying that you're tired, you're uninspired or your work is lousy. If you've ever heard any of these voices, you're not alone. We all have one or more of these inner critic voices that attempt to sabotage our growth and success and, ultimately, keep us safe and comfortable. Stick around.
Speaker 1:In this episode, I'm going to reveal what the seven types of inner critics are and how they sabotage your best effort to create successful results that you want. Also, I'm going to give you three proven and tested tools to override and silence these overactive, negative inner critics. And when you override these critics, you have the opportunity to release weight, get fit, improve your relationship, become more confident, overcome health challenges, make more money and, ultimately, go after your goals and dreams. Does that sound good? For those of you who don't know me, I want to introduce myself quickly. I'm Wendy Johnson, a transformational life coach, and it's my mission to help women overcome their challenges and design an intentional life. They love living on purpose, with more joy, peace of mind and well-being. So if you're new, welcome and if you have heard me before, thank you so much for coming back. I sure appreciate you. So what I want to do is start with these seven inner critic voices and then give you the tools to override the voices.
Speaker 1:So let's start with inner critic number one, and that is the perfectionist. This critic tries to get you to do things perfectly. It sets high standards for the things you produce and has difficulty saying something is complete and letting it go out to represent your best work. The problem. It tries to make sure that you fit in and that you will not be judged or rejected. It's expectations probably reflect those of people who have been important to you in the past. The perfectionist sabotages you from taking action and says this you're never going to get it right. You're not ready yet. I have to tell you this is most women I coach. They're not ready yet. They don't know if they need to heal something or they need to get more training. They're convincing themselves that there's a better time in the future and today is not the day they're going to do it. I'm raising my hand because I have been there, done that many times over.
Speaker 1:The inner critic is the inner controller. This critic tries to control your impulses eating, drinking, sexual activity, and the list goes on. It's polarized with an indulger addict who it fears can get out of control at any moment. The problem this critic tends to be harsh and shaming. In an effort to protect you from yourself. It's motivated to try to make you a good person who is accepted and functions well in society. The inner controller voice says shame on you for having that big serving of dessert. You have no willpower. Maybe you can relate to this critic. This is usually the person who has struggled with their weight for a long time.
Speaker 1:The third critic is the task master. This critic wants you to work hard and be successful. The problem is is it fears that you may be mediocre or lazy and will be judged a failure. It does not push you to keep going. No pain, no gain. This is the action oriented. It doesn't matter how you're doing it or who you're being while you're doing it. All that matters is that you're doing it, and usually you're not happy. You're very harsh on yourself. You played that dictator role. It's pushing often activates a procrastinator or a rebel that fights against its harsh dictate. The task master voice says you're so lazy, get to work already, don't rest. Are you the person who has a hard time resting and giving yourself time off? You always feel like you have to be working and you may not be productive at work, but you're always working. Everything has to be painful in order to get what you want To make more money. It has to be painful To get the promotion. There's suffering involved.
Speaker 1:The fourth critic is the underminer. This critic tries to undermine your self-confidence and self-esteem so that you don't take risks. It makes direct attacks on your self-worth so that you will stay small and not take chances where you could be hurt or rejected. The problem it is afraid of your being too big or too visible and not being able to tolerate judgment or failure. The underminer voice will say things like don't even try, you're going to fail, it's pointless. Many women who go out and decide to become entrepreneurs they hit this block. The inspiration was there, the creativity, but when they go try to sell themselves on who they are and what they have to offer other people, they hear this underminer critic come up and that keeps you hiding.
Speaker 1:The fifth critic is the destroyer. It makes pervasive attacks on your fundamental self-worth. It shames you and makes you feel inherently flawed and not entitled to basic understanding or respect. The most debilitating critic is this one, and it comes from early life trauma or if you were deprived in something. Here's the problem. It is motivated by a belief that it is safer not to exist. The destroyer says you're worthless, you should have never been born. Unfortunately, we don't get to pick our parents and there are parents out there who have said this to their children and it affects them for years down the road and later on in life.
Speaker 1:The sixth inner critic is the guilt tripper. This critic is stuck in the past. It is unable to forgive you for wrongs you have done or people you have hurt. It is concerned about relationships and holds you to standards of behavior prescribed by your community, culture and your family. It tries to protect you from repeating past mistakes by making sure you never forget or feel free. The guilt tripper voice says you'll regret this for the rest of your life. You'll never forgive yourself for this.
Speaker 1:I have a story I want to share with you, and this is from a prospective client who called to set up a discovery call. We had that set up in the calendar and she described her situation to me. She had a relationship with a 30-something-year-old daughter, but she didn't raise her daughter. Shortly after her child was a few years old, she went through a divorce and her husband was awarded custody for the child, and so she didn't get to spend time with her child and raise her child, and she had this guilt tripper voice still going on in her head. At the end of the call I told her that I wanted her to see a therapist because she was still carrying guilt around from 30 years ago and she wasn't willing to get past that to move her life forward. And I told her to first work with the guilt that she was feeling and then come back to me for coaching. And I have not heard from her. But this is a critic that keeps you stuck in your past and that's not something that a life coach is able to help you with.
Speaker 1:And then let's talk about the seventh critic the conformist, the molder critic. This critic tries to get you to fit into a certain mold based on standards held by society, your culture or your family. It wants you to be liked and admired and to protect you from being abandoned, shamed or rejected. The conformist fears that the rebel or the free spirit in you would act in ways that are unacceptable, so it keeps you from being in touch with and expressing your true nature. The conformist voice says don't be different, you might get hurt. Don't make a fool of yourself. Keep your head down and do as you're told. Be a good girl.
Speaker 1:I've heard this many times when I was being raised and this was being passed down to me from my family and their families before them, and I've been able to override those voices. What about you? Do you still feel that you need to conform with society or with your family? What we do when we notice these voices and feel stuck or blocked, is we quit taking action from the things that we want. Are there any inner critics that are resonating with you that you still hear these voices coming up?
Speaker 1:Now I want to give you the three tested, improved tools to help you silence the negative inner critic. The first tool is to press the pause button. You want to press the pause button and notice these sentences. Hey, when did I just hear? Why do we want to do this? Because we all have two voices within us the voice of fear, doubt, worry and judgment, and the voice of empowerment and encouragement. Now we've fed and listened to some of these voices, often more than the other, depending on how we were raised and what we were exposed to in our environment. And you have that power within you to override these voices. The great news is you get to decide. You have a voice of empowerment inside you and it's maybe not the voice you heard the first time, but it's the voice you can use when you hear one of those inner critic voices. And the second tool is to name the inner critic, name the voice in your own head that you hear and you want to name your inner critic. It's not all of you.
Speaker 1:It's only a part of you. You want to create a psychological distance. It's a certain voice you've learned many years ago and it's ultimately been created to protect you. My inner critic is named Debbie Downer. You can use negative Nellie. She's disempowering, she's afraid, worried and is trying to protect me from failure. And I've helped myself and other women recognize this overactive inner critic and given the inner critic a name. And what I've learned is that every time I hear this voice, it's not that I'm a failure or that I'm broken. It's simply feedback. It's something to be friends.
Speaker 1:And this leads me to the third tool Flip the what if negative inner critic voice of what if you fail? What if people don't like it? What if you make a fool of yourself? This is the way you answer. Now you want to give the empowering voice a name. The empowering voice inside of us says something like what if you succeed? What if people love it? What you want to do is shift the what if I fail? Conversation going on in your mind to what if I could? What if people don't like it? What if people love it? You're giving the opposite. You're countering that negative voice.
Speaker 1:Negative Nelly, whatever negative Nelly says Sally, success has an empowering comeback. You're communicating. These two voices are communicating with one another. There are parts of you, there are parts of all of us who are inside of us. What happens is you begin to experience more and more Sally success and a little less Debbie Downer in your life. That's it, friends.
Speaker 1:Let's recap the seven inner critic voices. The first is the perfectionist, the second the inner controller, the third the taskmaster, the fourth the under minor, the fifth the destroyer, the sixth the guilt trepper and the seventh the conformist. The three tested, proven tools to help you silence the negative inner critic. The first one is to press the pause button and notice what you're noticing. The second one is to name the inner critic. The third one is to flip the what if? Negative inner critic voice to the positive voice.
Speaker 1:Feel free to like this episode and share with family and friends. Please subscribe to my channel on YouTube or follow me over on Apple Podcasts, spotify or any other platform where you listen to podcasts. I hope you all have an incredible week and have fun listening to the voices in your head. They're always teaching you something. I look forward to being with you next week. Friends, take care now. Bye-bye. Hey, if you enjoy listening to this podcast. You have to come check out more. You, my community of like-minded women. We show up to create the highest version of ourselves and elevate the quality of our everyday along the way. Head over to ontracklifecoachingcom forward slash join. That's O-N-T-R-A-C lifecoachingcom forward slash join. I'd love to see you in there. If you haven't grabbed your copy of the Mindset Makeover, head over to ontracklifecoachingcom forward slash makeover and get a copy that teaches and inspires you to show up as your most extraordinary self.