Walk Diva Walk
Walk Diva Walk
EP 29: Reconstructing the Generational Money Mindset
Ever felt that your family's money mindset was holding you back from financial freedom? That's what we're tackling today, as I, Dr. Mary L Boyde, share my own journey and the obstacles I faced from family members that discouraged the pursuit of wealth, to a mindset of wanting fast money without all the sweat. We're taking a hard look at money planning and legacy for families. Do you find yourself constantly giving money to family and friends, sacrificing your own financial goals? This is your wake-up call to prioritize your financial stability and future planning over succumbing to others' demands.
Hey y'all. Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary L Boy, the reposition specialist. You are listening to the Walk Deva Walk podcast. This podcast is for you, the woman, specifically the black woman, who's had enough. Enough of saying no to your kids because you can't afford it. How about robbing Peter to pay Paul, working two or three jobs just to make ends meet? Enough of running from your God-given purpose and enough of just being sick and tired of being sick and tired. On this journey. With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your past, face your present and walk into your God-given, purposed future, so you can support your family the way that you desire, live in abundance and overflow. Live birth to that God-given purpose, giving birth to your dreams and desires. How about travel and experience the world in ways that you and your family will never forget? Have joy and peace so you can live. Are you ready? Let's walk. Hey Deva, hey Listen.
Speaker 1:I came into the studio today to really have a different conversation than I'm about to have now. I came in and I was going to do some business conversations, but then I started to think about the money and the mindset behind the money. When I thought about that, I came to a conclusion your auntie is the problem. I know you was like how my aunt is the problem. It's your aunt and all that represents in the family, from your mama to your sister, to your cousin, to your auntie, to your uncle. Why aren't you making the money that you want? Why aren't you making the money that you deserve to make? It's because of the raggedy mindset and I'm just going to be frank and honest. It's the raggedy mindset that is in the family that has been passed down generation after generation. When it comes to money, wanting it, deserving it and going after it, everybody talk about chasing the bag. You won't even want to chase the bag when I think about it and I think about my own family and me being in business and having conversations with my family about business, it's like talking to a brick wall, and I know that you feel the same way.
Speaker 1:You have an idea. You know you want more. You know you deserve more. You know you want to make more money doing whatever it is running a business, doing a side hustle, making more money in your career, it doesn't even matter. Then you have the conversations with the auntie or that represents the aunt, the cousin, the mom, the sister, the brother, and they tell you well, what you doing that for, that's not going to work. You know how many people try stuff like that. You don't even have a college education. You barely made it through high school. You just need to settle for what you got and make do Like, really, is that what life is supposed to be like? You know the uncles who hang out on a corner all evening and all weekend long that don't want anything, don't want nothing, don't want to be better, don't want to do better. It is challenging.
Speaker 1:You know, in my business and one of my businesses where I teach on money and finances, I had a conversation with one of my members and we were talking about some things and what she wanted to do and what business she wanted to start. And I asked her about her family and has she spoken to anybody in her family to come together to have a conversation with the family about you know, what we got to do better and here are some things that we can do to do better. And she said you don't want, mary, my family is where I was two and a half, three years ago before I met you, and I said what you mean and she said, they say they want money and they try to go after the quick money like things that may not be oh so legal, right, or things that don't have any substance or longevity, but they really, really, really want money to just fall out the sky. And just you know, I used to have funny story. I used to when I was little when I say little I mean like five, six, seven years old and I used to say the song Twinkle, twinkle Little Star, do you all remember that? And I would say Twinkle, twinkle Little Star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the clouds, up above the world, so high like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle Little Star, how I wonder what you are.
Speaker 1:And then you make a wish, and my wish was that I would get up in the morning, look under the bed and there was a suitcase full of money. Now I said I was six and seven years old. Right, I was smart enough then to say but I needed to be in small bills that I could spend without drawing attention, right, can you imagine that? And literally every morning when I got up I looked under my bed because I just knew the money would just appear. And that's how some of y'all family is, and that's why you are where you are now when it comes to money, because they're wishing upon a star. They're looking under the bed. They're looking for the suitcase to appear that's full of money some million dollars in the suitcase. So they know that they have arrived, but they ain't really trying to put no work into it. They just, like God, rained manna down from the sky. That's what they want. They want manna to just manna of money, to just rain down from the heavens and they can be rich and wealthy and spend it and do all the things that they want to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it don't work like that y'all, and because of that and because of that mindset in my own family, sometimes you've got to distance yourself. You can't always go to the cookout and the birthday party and the family gathering because they ain't talking about nothing. I heard a woman say one time she was working on building her business and people were inviting her to different events and the family head of was having a think of fourth of July cookout and she looked and said are y'all talking about money at this cookout? If you ain't talking about money, I ain't coming, because she understood where her goals were and what she needed and the life that she wanted to live. And you don't have time at this season to be dealing with family that's not going through or wanting and desiring the same things.
Speaker 1:Y'all sitting around and all you're doing is talking about folk, talking about your folk, your own family, what you used to do back in the day, what used to happen. Look at Uncle Earl over there in the corner drunk. You got the other crew playing spades on the table. You got like all of these and listen to me, ladies, I am not saying that there's anything wrong with that. Family is family and yet there's always time to come together as a family and just enjoy each other and have fun, but not all the time and not necessarily when you are wanting more and you, like I need to up my money game. I'm working this nine to five job. I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul. I'm trying to make ends meet. I feel like I'm broke as a joke and stuck like Chuck in a pickup truck.
Speaker 1:Okay, you feel all the things you are stressed about not being able to afford things for your child like for real and all you're doing is hanging out with family and even some friends and they ain't talking about nothing. You all aren't talking about anything that's going to bring value, that's going to increase your bank account, that's going to allow you to buy the things that you want to buy Like nothing. And so we want our family right. We love our family and we want to see our family win. When you have that mindset, I had a conversation with a friend and she was talking about oh, when I make it right, I'm going to take care of my brothers and my aunts and just all the people, right? And the question is, are you really Like so they're going to get to sit around and do nothing and spend your money that you don't work hard for Blood, sweat, tears, sleepless nights, arguments with the husband, like all the things Bank account on sub zero and that's then in your business to make what it is that you want to make. And you going to just, yeah, just give it away? I don't think so. That is not the answer. Then it's like oh, they'll come work for me. Why are they really going to work? Or are you going to be arguing with them all the time for not working and they still coming to you?
Speaker 1:Sis, can I get five grand? Sis? I need $2,000 for this. Sis, can you buy me a car? I need a car. My car broke down. Sis, my mortgages do this Mine. I don't got it. My rent is due. Like, is that the life that you want with your family? Absolutely not. So sometimes you got to play the cut off game. You heard me right Straight, cut them off. As I say, you got to cut it. You got to cut it right Because you have decided to shift your mindset when it comes to what you want and the money that you want and the life you deserve. So remember I was telling you about when she said my family is at the place where I was three years ago. They're still at that place.
Speaker 1:When she had a real realization, I said well, what made you decide to not be that person? Because she came to us as that person that was just looking at quick money. All I want is the money. I really don't want to learn what to do with it. I don't want to know how to manage it. I don't want to know how to save it. I don't want to know how to invest it. All I know is I want money.
Speaker 1:But she said, Mary, from listening to you, everything that you have been teaching us. I said, huh, I want that life too. That's what she said. She said, huh, I want that life too. I want to live a legacy lifestyle. I want to be able to travel the world and not have to worry about anything. I want to fly first class. Every time I get on a flight. I want to stay in four and five star hotels and not have to do the Motel 6. I want to be able to set myself up to where, when I pass away, my family don't have to do a GoFundMe to bury me.
Speaker 1:Y'all, can I tell y'all I hate that. Oh my God, them GoFundMe funerals. I'm like are you kidding me right now? We even did the regular old term life insurance for $20, $25 a month, a $10, $15,000 life insurance policy, just so you can be buried and your family don't have to worry about it. Nobody said you had to leave them hundreds of thousands of dollars or millions of dollars, but at least leave them to where if, when, not if when you die, because we all going to die one day. When you die, they don't have to scrounge and scrimp and scrape to bury you.
Speaker 1:And here's the other kicker about that. Then you got a in black families. I'm telling you, y'all know I'm right. You got to wait three weeks to bury somebody because all the family trying to get their money up to travel to the place of the burial I forbid, all your family is me example. I'm in Atlanta. 90% of my family is still in the DMV. So if I died tomorrow, lord knows, I know that's not going to happen. I told y'all. I asked God, I need a 115 years at least. Right, no-transcript, like, I'm covered, I have what I need. But who come into my family? Like, when I think about my family, I don't even have to use me. I could use my brother.
Speaker 1:My brother passed in 20. We're in 23, 2021. He passed suddenly in 2021. And he was in Atlanta when I moved to Atlanta. I moved with him. Again, 90% of our family is at home. So here we go.
Speaker 1:Now we're still in the middle of the pandemic, right, oh, we're going to ship the body home, because all the family at home. Mind you, he was married and had three children. They're here, of course, in Atlanta, but all of his family is in DC. So are we going to ship the body and he get buried home? Okay, how are we going to do that, and it is so unfortunate that my brother did not have an insurance policy and he was a brilliant man but he didn't have one and so then it was no, that's going to cost too much. So now we're going to bury him in Atlanta. Now who's coming? Because nobody had no money to fly down and everybody stressed about driving nine, 10 hours from DC to Atlanta to get there. So you know, the only direct family my brother had at his funeral was me Y'all. That's sad, and we had to stream it online. Now, yeah, we were in the middle of a pandemic, but, come on, like y'all got a place to stay, y'all driving down together, and the funeral homes at that time was only letting the handful of people in, and the handful of people was family. So that's what that looked like and that's what a lot of y'all families look like, and it's sad.
Speaker 1:And here you are, you like ugh, I want more, I want different, I want better, I want. But you look at your family and you like don't. None of them had this mindset. I can't do it with any of them. Like, not one. Uncle Joe still go to the corner and hang out every weekend. Aunt Susie still sitting in the kitchen on the phone talking to Aunt Mabel and Susan not Mabel talking about talking about Aunt Lucy, like that's all is about money and family. I mean, it will take you there and it saddens you I know it does, because you like, how am I supposed to not denounce my family? Right, but how am I supposed to go and get what I want to get from for the life that I want to live? And I'm around all this, and then how do I separate myself from it? Because as soon as I do, here come your cousin Pearl talking about oh, you think you all of that. Now you think you better than anybody else. You ain't better than nobody. You think you all of that? Oh, here we go. I remember when. I remember when you used to do this and do that. I remember when, like so what that was then.
Speaker 1:And I have had an awakening and I now know, especially like your mom and you, want your child's life to be better than yours, but it's sure enough can't be better than yours dealing with the family that you have. And so there's a hard decision that you have to make Do you love them from afar to be able to achieve the life that you want to live, to make the money that you want to make, to save and invest and have assets and be able to travel and see the world Like it's a tough decision. It's a tough decision, but it's absolutely a decision that you have to make. Family will always be family. Family will always be there. They'll come around, but it's your life and you only have one life on this side of Earth to live. Now there's an afterlife oh, it's so good. There's that second Earth yeah, real good. But on this side, where you are right now, you only got one of them, and don't you want to be an example to your children? Well, they can look at mama and be like my mom is awesome. My son says that. I have one son.
Speaker 1:And you know how, when you talk to your kids and half the time you don't think they listen to it, but you see a post that they make on social media and they reference something that you told them, advice you had given them at one point, or something that they've seen in you, and you like, oh, you sit back for a minute and you like he was listening. Maybe it's just me. I have done that on many occasions. I have sat back and said he was listening. See, our kids are watching us. It's not all about what you say, but it's about what you do, how you show up and the life that not only that you are building for them, but building for yourself, because they want to see you happy. They want to see you when they want to see you doing the things that you enjoy in life, the same way you want that for them.
Speaker 1:So, divas, you have a decision to make and I need you to make this decision, not just now, but right now. Not wait till tomorrow, not talk it over with some people, not sitting right it down, not pray on it, okay, because you know, y'all know I love God. My faith is first and foremost and I ain't ashamed about it, but half of y'all been praying for stuff that God done give you answers about, like listening to this podcast, listening to what I'm saying and moving on it, and you still talking about. I got to pray about it. He done told you you have to be obedient and it has to be complete and immediate obedience. Make the decision.
Speaker 1:Look at your life, look at where you want to go down deep in your heart. Where do you want to be. Can you see yourself in the same place for the next 20 years doing the same thing, making the same amount of money and not being able to live the life that you want to live? Is that what you want? And if your family is tied to this and that's who you're using as an example I'd say stop. Just stop it right now. Choose you. You have to choose you first. So make a decision.
Speaker 1:Money and family sometimes mix, but not all the time. Where are you and your family in the equation when it comes to family wealth, making money, building something outside of what it is that you're doing now, so you can have what it is that you want that you don't have now. It's time to release y'all. It is time to release. I ain't say break up with her, but it's time for you to seclude yourself for a moment, for a season in time, to get to where you want to be, and then you can go to the cookout in your Range Rover autobiography long wheel base, wearing your whatever outfit you got on with your lube or whoever shoes that you want to wear, you know, looking like a million bucks, right, because you got it and you have time.
Speaker 1:So, divas, make a decision Money and family, money or family. Just money or just family. There's many equations. You got to pick which ones for you Money and family but you're first it's you money and then family. That's the way it has to go, because this your life. You only got one life to live and it's time for you to live it. My time's up, divas. Oh, go, do it. I tell you, be blessed, live on purpose and let's walk.
Speaker 1:All right, divas, what an episode. Did I hit you in the head with one of those bricks. Did you go out? Did you have the ducking cover? I know you weren't running around the house checking for cameras, looking under the bed, looking out the window to see if I was watching, because I was all in your business. I was on your street and in your lane. It's okay, though. It lets you know that you're not alone. I hope that something that you heard resonated with you and, as a result, you are starting to reposition your mind so you can have the life that you want to live Now. That's not all I have for you guys, not just what was in the podcast, but now I want to give you a gift Go to wwwstopdrowningandwincom. Wwwstopdrowningandwincom To receive the seven steps every Black woman must take this year to break free and live her dreams once and for all. You will also have an opportunity to connect with our community Again. You are not alone. The work is just beginning. Are you ready? Let's walk.