Walk Diva Walk
Walk Diva Walk
EP 31: Dear Black Woman, Stop Walking It Alone.
Navigating the stereotypes, competition, and insecurities in the world of Black women is trying. However, I need to tackle these challenges head-on in this episode so we can shift our views, see each other as allies, and practice the power of sisterhood. The impact of our words to others and in our own negative self-talk we will talk about. It's time to encourage, uplift, and support – not tear each other down. Listen into my world as I share my experiences of loneliness and betrayal, and why a strong sisterhood was essential. There's also the Walk Women's Network, a platform that gives every Black woman the tools to live out her dreams. The essence of this episode? Unity and support. Let's be the change we want to see. Together, we can rewrite the narrative.
Hey y'all. Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary L Boy, the reposition specialist. You are listening to the Walk Deva Walk podcast. This podcast is for you, the woman, specifically the black woman, who's had enough. Enough of saying no to your kids because you can't afford it. How about robbing Peter to pay Paul, working two or three jobs just to make ends meet? Enough of running from your God-given purpose and enough of just being sick and tired of being sick and tired On this journey. With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your past, face your present and walk into your God-given, purposed future, so you can support your family the way that you desire, live in abundance and overflow. Live birth to that God-given purpose, giving birth to your dreams and desires. How about travel and experience the world in ways that you and your family will never forget? Have joy and peace so you can live. Are you ready? Let's walk. Hey, deva. Hey, I just wanted to come tell you that I got you. I got your back. Anything that you're doing, anything that you're desiring, I got your back.
Speaker 1:Mary, why are you saying that? Because we walk around with the thought process that the next woman is out to get us, that she's smiling in our face, walking around with a machete in her back pocket. Stereotypically, we're told that black women are like crabs in a barrel. We can't get along and we can't do nothing, right? Well, I'm here to tell you that that's a lie and it's all trash. I got your back and so does she. Who is that? She, that woman that's around you. Everybody is not out to get you. Everybody is not out to see you fail. Everybody is not trying to pull you down and drag you across the floor. Okay, that's not what it's about. It's not about competition, but it's about a sisterhood, and I am here to say we have a sisterhood. Listen, there are many things that they can say about black women. Yeah, can we be kind of catty sometimes? Yeah, can we be kind of petty sometimes? Yeah, we can. So when push comes to shove and we need to show up for one another, we do.
Speaker 1:You don't have to be in competition with anybody because you are you. You are you in your own right, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and ain't nobody like you. So we have to stop walking around like everybody is against us. Ain't girl? Ain't nobody against you? And if they are, what can they do? Nothing. What God has for you is for you. It's a sisterhood, not a competition.
Speaker 1:You know the world will have you thinking like in business. They'll tell you who's your competitor. And it's funny because when people ask me that, I say I don't have one and I kind of get the side eye, the side look, and it's like you don't have a competitor. Nah, I don't have a competitor, there's only one of me. Ain't nobody going to do it like me, right? They don't talk like me, they don't act like me, they don't look like me, none of the above. So I don't have competition. What I do have are people in the same industry. That's inspiring to do maybe some of the same things, people that I may look up to, but they're not my competition.
Speaker 1:And once we get out of that headspace that we are fighting against somebody else, we'll go further. That stereotype that is placed on us will then start to fade away. But we put ourselves in that situation because we walk around with a chip on our shoulder, we the ones walking around with the machete in our back pocket, right, and that's why you think somebody else got it out for you. We haven't dealt with our own insecurity issues, because that's what it all boils down to, that we think somebody is competing against us because there are issues of insecurities that we have and that we haven't dealt with. So we haven't dealt with our own insecurities, so we're looking at everybody else through our own lens. That don't work, because you'll never get ahead like that.
Speaker 1:One of the things I hate to hear people say is I'm self-made. That raises the hairs on the back of my neck. I'm telling you because, how? How are you self-made? Did you buy your own product or service, right? Did you not have a team? Did you do everything on your own, like you were the CEO, cfo, coo, marketing manager, it person, customer service, distributor, manufacturer, you did it all. So you are self-made. That's not true. You're not. It takes a team, right.
Speaker 1:And so because sometimes we walk around with this mentality like we're self-made, right that somebody is always out to get us, somebody is trying to take what we have, nobody wants to see us win, and we say it. And you know, I strongly believe that life and death is in the power of the term. That's what my words say. I don't know about your word, but that's what my words say. Okay, and when we keep speaking these things they can't help but to come into existence.
Speaker 1:And so, if you stop thinking like you, there's a competition between two people and the world. They really pit us against each other. They pit us against each other in the way that we look, the way that we dress, the size we are this side-by-side comparison and then you start to side-eye the other person for whatever the reason, and they try to make us feel less than who we are. They want us to devalue ourselves. I mean, it's a lot, I know it's a lot, but you have to shift your mindset to say, wait, wait, now I don't have no competition. That's my sister. I want her to win just as much as I want to win, and she wants to see me win just as much as she want to win.
Speaker 1:And because we're on this same journey, maybe there's some things we can do together. Maybe there's some partnerships, maybe there's some collaborations right, there's some. You have to have a sisterhood, a group of women around you that's going to support you, that's going to lift you up, because life gets hard sometimes and for a lot of y'all you feel like life is hard all the time and you're trying to do it all on your own and do it by yourself and you can't. I remember being there feeling lonely because people all around me always I felt like they were just, they just didn't like me and I didn't understand why.
Speaker 1:Growing up, and the girls around the neighborhood I was friendly with everybody but always wanted to fight and talk about me. I was smart, I was cute Okay, yes, I was, but I didn't treat anybody wrong, disrespect them. I was that girl that was like, wanted to be everybody's friend but for whatever the reason, it didn't happen that way. And then, as I got older, I felt like I felt the way that I'm sure you're feeling now, like this person's against me and this person is talking about me. I remember I did this girl that was supposed to be my friend, that I worked with, and somebody told me that she was talking about me behind my back and I said, nah, not her. And it was like, yeah, so me being who I am, I didn't ask her about it, I tested the waters, so I'm going to just use some names.
Speaker 1:So I told Lisa Now, let's say, jean was the girl that I was friends with and she was the one that was talking about me from behind my back. So I told Lisa Lisa, listen, I'm going to tell Jean this, this, this, this, this about you, and I'm going to tell her don't say nothing, it's between the two of us and I am going to see. As a matter of fact, I just said something. I didn't tell her exactly what I was going to say, and I said and I want you to let me know if she comes back and say something to you. And so I did, and unfortunately, she went back and told Lisa that I was talking about her and exactly what I said. So I knew exactly who I was dealing with.
Speaker 1:And so I get it that sometimes there are some people that have their own issues and their own insecurities and, for whatever the reason, they don't want to see you win. They don't want to see you succeed, because they see what they want to be in you. They see you making moves and they wish they had the heart and the drive to make the moves like you do. They wish they had the wherewithal to do some of the things that you do. They wish they were as intelligent or smart or skillful as you are and because of that, they pretend to be your friend while they're walking around with a machete in their back pocket waiting to strike and cut you down. But it's revealed. It will be revealed who they are and what they are doing. But that's not everybody and I had to learn that. Yeah, she did it.
Speaker 1:But I can't treat everybody as if they're Jean, because they're not, because I could be missing out on a partnership, a great relationship with somebody that is my ace bookoon, she my ride or die, they my bestie, and I wouldn't want to do that. That it could be something that turned into a great business venture, a business partnership, a best friend, like Laverne and Shirley, right Like that. And I knew my yearning and my desire was to have people that I could trust and a circle of women that I could call friend, not somebody I just know, not just a coworker, not just an associate, but friend. And I know that can be hard and I know that past relationships and past hurts can make you put up walls that will stop you from getting close to that woman, that sister. But I challenge you, diva, to put yourself in an environment, even if you have to sit back and just observe for a moment. Put yourself in an environment around other women, right, like-minded at least they seem like-minded. You don't know them like. You don't know them like that.
Speaker 1:Right, and just watch, and you will see that everybody is not Jean. So everybody is not your mom that hurts you, everybody is not your sister that hurt you, everybody is not your aunt that hurt you, everybody is not the coworker that backstabbed you that you trusted. Yeah, everybody is not that. And so once you start to grab a hold of that, you will understand that I really don't have competition and there is a sisterhood out there for me. There are women, thousands of women that I can count on, that I can call on, that will push me, that will tell me the painful truth, and that they're not out to get me and they're not trying to compete against me. Even if we are doing the same thing, even if we're working in the same company or working in the same department or even going for the same promotion on the job, you're just like let the best man win, right, but she gonna still love you no matter what and you're gonna still love her no matter what.
Speaker 1:That's a sisterhood, and don't you want that Cause you can't do it by yourself. Been there, tried it. I don't like it. Never liked how it felt. Never liked how it felt, never understood, being misunderstood or all the things. And once you find your tribe, you find your sisterhood. It's like what competition? Ugh, it's so good and it's gonna take you a long, long way. You'll be amazed at how your sisterhood helps drive you to your next, helps to increase your confidence. You have a shoulder to cry on when you need it, arms to hug you when you need it, lips to kiss you on the cheek and say it's all right, I love you. I love you. I love you To sit and just be quiet with you when you need it. You're yearning for that. I know you are and there is a place for you.
Speaker 1:Now I understand why God had me create Walk Women's Network. He had me, too, walk in this assignment and gather you to let you know that you are not alone. Sis, I got your back. I got your back, and any woman that's connected to me got your back too. I love you and ain't nothing you can do about it. Let's change the narrative. Let's get the sisterhood together. Let go of the competition. You'll see things change. I love you and ain't nothing you can do about it. Be blessed, live on purpose and let's walk. It lets you know that you're not alone.
Speaker 1:I hope that something that you heard resonated with you and, as a result, you are starting to reposition your mind so you can have the life that you want to live Now. That's not all I have for you guys, not just what was in the podcast, but now I want to give you a gift. Go to wwwstopdrowningandwincom To receive the seven steps every Black woman must take this year to break free and live her dreams once and for all. You will also have an opportunity to connect with our community Again. You are not alone. The work is just beginning. Are you ready? Let's walk.