Walk Diva Walk
Walk Diva Walk
EP 34: Growing With Our Children, Not Just Watching
It’s time for another deep discussion. In this episode we're talking about the importance of a strong bond with our children on the path to realizing our dreams. This episode is filled with my personal experience and emphasizes the key role of open communication and trust in nurturing a relationship with our kids. We'll also talk about understanding our children at different stages of their lives and creating an environment where they feel safe to express their thoughts. Are you ready to take control of your life? Let's reflect on our actions and mindset together and explore the seven steps every Black woman needs to achieve her dreams. This is a road you don't have to walk alone.
Hey y'all. Hey, it's your girl, dr Mary L Boy, the reposition specialist. You are listening to the Walk Deva Walk podcast. This podcast is for you, the woman, specifically the black woman, who's had enough. Enough of saying no to your kids because you can't afford it. How about robbing Peter to pay Paul, working two or three jobs just to make ends meet? Enough of running from your God-given purpose and enough of just being sick and tired of being sick and tired. On this journey. With the Walk Deva Walk podcast, I will help you overcome your past, face your present and walk into your God-given, purposed future, so you can support your family the way that you desire, live in abundance and overflow. Live birth to that God-given purpose, giving birth to your dreams and desires. How about travel and experience the world in ways that you and your family will never forget? Have joy and peace so you can live. Are you ready? Let's walk.
Speaker 1:Hey Deva, hey, you know I want to talk to you today about your relationship with your children. You really need a real relationship with your children, and I thought about this because a lot of what we do is for our children. They are number one. Why, if anybody asks why you do anything and you have kids, it's because of your kids and it's for your kids. I know that was my why. My son was my everything and I knew the type of relationship that I wanted with him. Growing up with my mom old school mom we didn't talk about everything and I couldn't talk about everything with her, and I wish I was able to. So I had said when I had children I was going to be able to not be his friend, that I'm not talking about being a friend and not a parent. I'm talking about having that type of relationship with your child where they feel like they can come to you about any and everything and they actually do. It's funny because I built this relationship with my son and early on I started telling him the worst thing that you can break is my trust. The worst thing that you can break is my trust. As long as you don't lie to me and you tell me the truth, everything else will be okay. I can't promise you you're not going to get in trouble. I can't promise you you're not going to get punished. I can't promise you you're not going to get a spanking. Yeah, I believe in spanking. Okay, I'll give you a promise that I couldn't even promise you that you wouldn't get a spanking, but I promise you that our relationship will be amazing and there isn't anything that we won't be able to work through.
Speaker 1:And so, in building that relationship, I made sure that my son wasn't scared to tell me things, and that's the one of the things that I think a lot of parents miss out on. We grew up in the days of do what I said, because I told you to do it and don't talk back, which they shouldn't talk back, but don't ask no questions Like just do it and you have nothing and I don't. I didn't believe that it had to be that cut and dry. Yes, if I tell you to do something, you need to do it, but I believed in telling my child why. It's not that I had to explain it to him, but why shouldn't I tell him why? And beyond because I said so, right, like that doesn't foster a good relationship with your child. So if I had to tell my son to do something or to respond, he should respond a certain way. Then I would tell him well, this is why and I still do it to this day, and he's 28 years old when I have to give him advice I don't need. I don't just give him advice because, like, I know what I'm talking about, so you just need to listen to what I say. I give him the reasons. This is why you should do it like this. This is the outcome that you should have. If you do it like this, it's going to save you a lot of trouble and issues. If you do it the other way, and then if he does it anyway, it's on him. And then he comes back and say well, ma, you told me, yeah, I should have listened, yeah, you should have, but you didn't. And that's okay, we'll get through that too.
Speaker 1:And so ever since he was a little boy, I'm telling you, he told me everything. He told me about the girls. He told me, and even if some of it wasn't voluntary, if I asked the question, he was honest with me. I mean completely honest with me. Sometimes I'm like, okay, you too honest with me. That was TMI, I didn't need to know that much of it. But it is so important that the relationship that we have with our children isn't built from. I'm scared of my mom and I can't tell her nothing because she always fussing and she is always trying to control everything and she never listens to me. And so then they retried and you start to find out stuff about your children that you never thought that they would be doing, stuff that they would do, that you never thought that they would do, or, oh, I didn't know he did that or she did that, or he was interested in this or she was interested in that, like you start to lose that relationship and it's a relationships.
Speaker 1:Relationships are two-way streets. They're not one way Mother-daughter, mother-son relationship. They are, they're two-way streets and so it's not one way. You have to respect your child to the level that, in the age range that they are because there's different levels to it Like, no, I'm not knocking on your door at you know, seven years old, okay, knocking on your door, asking permission to come in and all that and we not doing that, right. But as they get older, you know they teenagers. What's wrong with knocking on a door before you answer? Nothing, a level of respect, right. What's wrong with I call my son pumpkin Pumpkin, do me a favor, can you do? Da, da, da, da, da. And I guess I said can you Now? Is he going to do it anyway? Yeah, but that's better than go do this Boy. I need you to do that, like the demand.
Speaker 1:Relationships aren't built that way, and so I want relationships between children and their moms to become closer, because that also affects your goals. Like what you're doing it for, you're not just doing it for you, you're doing it for them. But if you feel like they're ungrateful, you feel like they're unworthy, you have all this animosity between one another and life goes on and years go on and families are torn apart and parents and their children aren't talking to each other for something that happened 15 years ago, like why it's for nothing. You only have one set of parents hopefully, right, and I know you can have foster parents. You can have people that you call mom and they were a level of parent for you, but you only have one birth mother, and so your kids only have one birth mother, and it is so important to foster that relationship.
Speaker 1:To this day, I text my son hey, I'm traveling. I'm on a plane, I'm about to land. I've made it to the hotel, okay. I'm on my way home. He texts me and we don't live together. He has his own place. When he's out, he'll shoot me a text. Hey, mom, I'm home now, okay, that's the type of relationship that you want with your children, and it just makes everything else that you go through to get to where you're trying to get to so much more worth it. It's just, it's just. It's so much better when you can do it with them because you're doing it for them.
Speaker 1:So, divas, I challenge you review, take a look at the relationships that you are building with your children. Are they one sided? Is it all about you? Because you're the mama and that's what you grew up with? Well, just because that is what you grew up with doesn't mean that's the type of mother you had to be. So I want you to think about that for a moment, do you? What type of relationship do you want with your children? And if you currently don't have the type of relationship you desire, then change it. That's all I got to say today. Change it. I love y'all. Be blessed, live on purpose and let's walk All right.
Speaker 1:Divas, what an episode. Did I hit you in the head with one of those bricks? Did you go out? Did you have the ducking cover? I know you weren't running around the house checking for cameras, looking under the bed, looking out the window to see if I was watching, because I was all in your business. I was on your street and in your lane. It's okay, though. It lets you know that you're not alone. I hope that something that you heard resonated with you and, as a result, you are starting to reposition your mind so you can have the life that you want to live. Now, that's not all I have for you, guys. Not just what was in the podcast, but now I want to give you a gift. Go to wwwstopdrowningandwincom. Wwwstopdrowningandwincom To receive the seven steps every Black woman must take this year to break free and live her dreams once and for all. You will also have an opportunity to connect with our community Again. You are not alone. The work is just beginning. Are you ready? Let's walk.