Imagine the heart-wrenching moment when life as you know it crumbles after 23 years of marriage. Join us in this deeply moving episode as Cheri shares her raw and honest story of abandonment, grief, and the profound pain that followed her husband's departure. Through her journey, we unravel the complexities of coping with such unexpected life changes and the struggle to find a new path forward despite being strong in faith. Cheri’s candid recounting of her prolonged period of isolation and numbness sheds light on the importance of patience and faith when forgiveness feels like an impossible feat.
In the second segment, we delve into the transformative power of forgiveness and personal growth. Through Cheri’s multi-year journey involving counseling and Christian-based literature, we explore how she moved from anger to redemption. Key milestones in her healing process are highlighted, including focusing on forgiveness, feeling redeemed, and experiencing a complete transformation. We also discuss the beautiful concept of Kintsugi, illustrating how our broken pieces can become more valuable and beautiful. Finally, we wrap up with heartfelt thanks to our listeners and share ways to stay connected with our ever-growing community. Don't miss this inspiring episode that promises to equip you with hope and resilience.
Imagine the heart-wrenching moment when life as you know it crumbles after 23 years of marriage. Join us in this deeply moving episode as Cheri shares her raw and honest story of abandonment, grief, and the profound pain that followed her husband's departure. Through her journey, we unravel the complexities of coping with such unexpected life changes and the struggle to find a new path forward despite being strong in faith. Cheri’s candid recounting of her prolonged period of isolation and numbness sheds light on the importance of patience and faith when forgiveness feels like an impossible feat.
In the second segment, we delve into the transformative power of forgiveness and personal growth. Through Cheri’s multi-year journey involving counseling and Christian-based literature, we explore how she moved from anger to redemption. Key milestones in her healing process are highlighted, including focusing on forgiveness, feeling redeemed, and experiencing a complete transformation. We also discuss the beautiful concept of Kintsugi, illustrating how our broken pieces can become more valuable and beautiful. Finally, we wrap up with heartfelt thanks to our listeners and share ways to stay connected with our ever-growing community. Don't miss this inspiring episode that promises to equip you with hope and resilience.
Speaker 1:
Do you ever feel like life can get too complicated and maybe even overwhelming? Yeah, me too, and it's okay. My name's Martha Gannot, and in this podcast we're going to talk about life, love, faith, family, relationships, all kinds of things, and we're going to drink from what God wants to pour into us, one small sip at a time, because when it's the fountain of living water, small sips make all the difference. Sometimes it'll be just you and me, sometimes we'll have a friend join us. If we could have lunch together today, this is what I'd want to talk about. Well, welcome back to the podcast.
Speaker 1:
Everybody so excited to continue this series on forgiveness. It's been a powerful topic and we've had a lot of content, a lot of how to, a lot of why to. But what do you do when all of that doesn't seem to be sticking and you feel stuck in unforgiveness and you can't find your way out? Well, that's the topic of today's podcast. Check it out. Today, in the Upper Room Studio is my sweet friend, sherry. We've been friends for like three years now, right? Sherry has an amazing story of moving really from being a victim into a whole new way of life and victory and hope and future, and I cannot wait for you guys to hear the story and then what God's done in her journey out of. I'm not even going to tell you what she walked out of, I'm going to let you tell it, sherry. So why don't you just tell us what happened? How did life not turn out the way it was supposed to for you?
Speaker 2:
Well, six years ago I was on the verge of empty nest.
Speaker 1:
That's a whole thing in itself. We should, we should do some podcasting on empty nest. Okay, sorry, go ahead Processing, processing.
Speaker 2:
I had a whole plan in my head about how things were going to be when I was going to quit work, when my husband and I could go and do whatever we wanted to do. He, at that point, decided that he wasn't going to be a part of it. I found myself alone with one child still at home for another year. My whole future just exploded in front of me, just obliterated. That was the word I tended to keep going back to.
Speaker 1:
And you've been married for how long 23 years.
Speaker 2:
I remember just sitting lots of tears and just feeling like everything had imploded. My life was over, I was just done. You're a planner too, sherry.
Speaker 1:
So, yes, I think that that's devastating for anyone, but for someone who finds security and great plans for the future, yeah, that that's terrible.
Speaker 2:
So it's just kind of like the playbook got got stolen. I didn't know how to regroup. I really didn't. I was a Christian then. It wasn't that I didn't have my faith. I just couldn't imagine what God, you know, could do with this. Because the way things were supposed to be. You know, happily married, get the kids off on their own, go into retirement together, you know, enjoy the grandkids. You know, off into the sunset. That was just. The rug was pulled out from underneath that.
Speaker 1:
So, and I think that it's important to acknowledge that, sometimes we think that walking with Jesus means that you're going to respond perfectly, you're going to have all the solutions immediately. And there's this place where we actually live on a broken planet, where we are hurt by other people, we cause hurt to other people, and healing is usually a process that actually ends up doing so much more in our lives than if we had gotten instantaneous healing, or it was a matter of oh no, I'm fine, I walk with Jesus, I can handle any tragedy. No, no, like the Lord is in the dark places, and we do. We do go to dark places as Christians when hard things happen to us. So I really appreciate you acknowledging that off the bat, and then I think you felt like you were stuck. Talk to us about, about that.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, I well just trying to regroup and think about what does this mean for me. I went into a phase where I just cocooned. I didn't you know, I saw everybody else going on about their life. People you know didn't react the way I necessarily wanted them to when when they learned.
Speaker 2:
You know what had happened? I just felt alone, and so I made myself more alone, which, looking back, I know was the wrong thing to do. But I didn't want to associate with anybody. I didn't want to be in a car and drive by anybody, I didn't. I just didn't want to go anywhere, didn't want to do anything. The one thing I think about a lot is I never blamed God, thankfully, I know.
Speaker 2:
I know sometimes some of us go that place you know, but I think, because of where my faith was at the time, I knew enough to know that he had a plan, but I didn't like the plan necessarily, or he wasn't showing it to me quickly enough. You know I was like, ok, what are you going to do with this? But but I just marinated in it, I just sat in my grief and my pain, yeah.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, just completely devastated and I sat in it for way too long. My control part of me.
Speaker 1:
Good, say it out loud yeah Was OK.
Speaker 2:
My control part of me was okay. After a time about the first year I was kind of numb and kind of stayed in that and then after that I knew I needed to take some action. But I think I reached for all the wrong things. I researched online for divorce recovery. I did all the classes I could find. I ordered the kits and, you know, went through this the DVDs and your plan and you started executing it.
Speaker 2:
I did it all because I knew if I did all this I'd be better. But I wasn't finding better after doing all that.
Speaker 1:
But I wasn't finding better after doing all that. Well, and I think you know we it's. I'm so glad that you mentioned to that. It's a common, normal response to decide to hold hold things against God. I'm not saying that he's responsible for it, don't misunderstand me, but there's this place where you do say, hey, the sovereignty of God means he could have stopped this. There's this place where you do say, hey, the sovereignty of God means he could have stopped this. Why did he allow this particular?
Speaker 1:
thing on the on the earth to happen to me if he could have stopped it. And that requires some serious working through and connection and vulnerability to God to stay in relationship with him. So you, that's great that you weren't holding that against him, but I did want to acknowledge that's not uncommon and you've that's a part of the process, nor a normal part, but you were holding it against your husband, your ex-husband.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, absolutely, he did it. He blew it all up, yeah.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and and that it's a normal response to want everyone to know and just want to out the person who offended you, whether it's your, whether it was a husband or a boss or coworker or anything.
Speaker 1:
That's a natural response and we think that if we can get enough people on our side on our side or I had a counselor one time that said you're gathering all the righteousness into yourself that then we'll be satisfied Definitely, then our, our need for vengeance will be fulfilled, and that is such a lie that that will bring any kind of peace or satisfaction. You want to speak to that.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I thought I wanted everybody or I did want everybody to know what happened, to know what was done to me, to know how miserable I was, to know how, you know, my life had just been imploded and I wanted them to be like my cheerleaders, I wanted them to be on my side and it got to where people just you know ignored you.
Speaker 1:
They get tired of it and at the same time, sherry, there are people and if it's you or you're listening or you know someone in this place, there are people who get stuck in that for their whole lives. They never move out of it. You did move out of it. Let's hear the story about how you did it.
Speaker 2:
Okay, well, it was. You know, during some searching I was three years into my non-healing. At that point, you know, I continued to go to church and do my Bible studies and do everything that I thought I needed to be doing and nothing was sinking. You know, nothing was sinking in, nothing was working to fix it. I just wanted it fixed, you know. I just wanted to be better, but I didn't know what that looked like. But I heard a sermon about three years in about forgiveness and man, I took notes like crazy. I re-listened to the sermon and then I sat down and I emailed the pastor that had delivered it and I said you were preaching directly to me and I get everything you said. I took notes, I understand, but I don't know how to do it.
Speaker 2:
It sounded so easy the way he delivered it, but just couldn't make it take hold in my life to to do that. So I think that was the turning point for me, that I realized I could not be in a cocoon. I needed help. I needed community, and not the kind of community that would be my cheerleaders and bash the X. I needed the people that were going to lift me up and help me move forward, separate from the details of the you know happening. So that was, that was my turning point, I think. And from there, from there, I got hooked up with a great counselor. He said all the things I didn't want to hear. He did tell me it was going to take time. I didn't want to hear that. I wanted to be better. Right then.
Speaker 1:
Shout out to great counselors, by the way.
Speaker 2:
He told me that I had to forgive. I didn't want to do that either. He didn't deserve it. And he told me I needed to be in community. All I saw that being is a bunch of single moms that were man bashing, and I didn't want to do that either. So the three things that came out of that first counseling session I was like Ooh, I don't know if I'm going back, but but I did. I went through my notes with him. I really I just so desperately wanted to be better that I knew, I knew.
Speaker 1:
I had to keep moving forward and and shout out to you, Sherry, because and I think it's such a testimony to anyone who feels like they're stuck and caught in unforgiveness you know what needs to be forgiven. It's almost like that scripture is coming to mind, where Jacob wrestled with the Lord and said I'm not going to let you go until you bless me. And he ended up having his hip touched, so he was scarred for the rest of his life and remembered that encounter with the Lord. But the Lord did bless him and he was so hungry for what the Lord had for him. And that's what I see in you, and it's that pressing through, it's the continuing to go after it until you reach breakthrough. And I think you know, if it had been granted instantly, what are some things that you learned in the journey, the character and the things the Lord built in you in the process.
Speaker 2:
Well, I think my struggle with forgiveness was because I had society's view of forgiveness and that is that, oh, it's okay, I'm fine, it's okay that he did that, I'll move on. It's not okay. And that's not what forgiveness is saying at all. Saying that I forgive him is saying that I'm turning him over to the Lord and letting go of that vengeance, anger, bitterness Ooh, I was bitter and it was just building up more and more as the years went by.
Speaker 2:
You know, looking back, I can see where I used to hold on to it and I never understood when people kept saying you've got to let it go. And that's hard to tell, for me to even tell somebody now you've got to let it go and they don't know how. I didn't know how either. But just being obedient and staying in the word and staying in a good community, continuing with good counseling, I was able to start letting it go through through different, you know studies and methods that that the counselor was able to help me with. It's just hard, looking back, feeling and knowing what people are going through, because I walked through it.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, what's the word that you would say? What would you say to those folks either walking through is it could be your specific situation or, like we say all the time, hey, this is just our, that's just your particular flavor of pain, loss and disappointment, like people are experiencing all kinds of that every single day. And forgiveness is. I call it the bait of Satan. There's a fabulous book written called the bait of Satan, and it is offense and unforgiveness, because if he can get us trapped in that, then we're not free to live a full life with the Lord. So what would you say in terms of giving hope to people, with how your life looks different now? How is your heart different? How is your life different? How's your view of your future different? How's your life different? How's your view of your future?
Speaker 2:
different. Oh, my goodness, and I get. I get little. You know, I'm not one of those that says I hear from the Lord, you know, but I get little thoughts that come into my head that I know aren't from my brain and so they are from him. It's almost like I see him laughing at me, saying see what I had for you. It is you know what I thought my retirement future would look like with my husband, and maybe that would have been great too, who knows? But kind of the word that I've been given is that he rescued me and he rescued me to give me what he had for me, and that's the life I'm living now me to give me what he had for me, and that's the life I'm living now. And I just kind of, you know, laugh and shake my head and go okay, I see it now, you know and the freedom, like if.
Speaker 1:
I could it's the difference in you, because you know I was got to be present for that. The last part of that process is so amazing to go from someone way down with. You know the injustice done to you.
Speaker 2:
Oh, let me tell you people, I have several times in our small group that we were in together. I slammed my book shut and walked out.
Speaker 2:
I mean, I was just so angry to have to forgive somebody that had done something to me that was so horrendous, and I was just adamant it wasn't going to happen. Just working through that process and I look back and I laugh at myself. Now, you know, think how silly I was to to be so hell bent on, you know, holding grudges and and all that. Well, I think that the enemy.
Speaker 1:
the enemy tells us that's where your satisfaction is going to be found. You have a right to this. Yes, you deserve to make him pay, or her, or whoever this is in your world. Yeah, and that's going to bring you satisfaction and it puts you in a prison drinking poison? Yes, it does not at all.
Speaker 2:
I feel so much better, lighter, just freer, just freedom. One of the things that I started noticing after my, when I began with my counseling and and I say this because a lot of a lot of people you know can't afford counseling or can't find good counseling, or and I didn't go for years on end, you know I had a kickstart and got involved in other things that helped me get better.
Speaker 2:
So I'm not saying you have to go to a counselor twice a week for three years, you know but that very first beginning of that year, four was my word for that year was forgiveness, and I did everything I could to get through that. You know, he direct my counselor directed me to good books, christian based books that that help you work through it, and and there are several that just really were right there next to my Bible the whole time, because they really helped me. And then I found that I moved into the next year. My word was redeemed and I felt like I was being set free and I was yes, I was being set free to serve others. I kind of shifted into wanting everything to be for me and about me as to being for others and having a servant's heart. So that was kind of that year. And then the year I'm in now I really feel like is that my whole future has been transformed and that I have a piece about it. So those are kind of my, that's kind of my steps that I would kind of dangle that carrot for for people that are struggling, that those are the phases you're, you could potentially go through, but oh, it's so worth it. And I never dream, you know.
Speaker 2:
And so now I'm six years out and I remember, you know, when it first happened and you read, you know, oh, for every year you were married, it's going to take you five years to recover. Well, you know, and I was just like, oh, there's no way it's going to take me that long. You know, I can not do this for this many years. Well, here I am, six years later, in such a better place, and every step of that journey was for a reason. Wow, you know, I had to get to year three. As bad as the first three years were, I had to get to that to start, and then the next. So I pray for everybody listening that your recovery doesn't take six years, but if it does, it's okay. And that's where I am. I realized, wow, that was really a blink in the whole, in the whole thing, and to be this much lighter and freer at this point, it just it's worth it. I don't regret the six years at all.
Speaker 1:
Well, cause you're now. You're full of life and you're living life. Yes, and you had a quote that you were gonna pull that up, and while she does that, I want to mention that I know that one of the books that you're talking about is Forgiving what you Can't Forget, by Lisa Turker. So if you are stuck in unforgiveness, we just want to toss that book out as a really powerful. How many times have you read that book? I'm embarrassed to say that three, three times.
Speaker 2:
So that's a great resource, all right you got your quote. So this quote and I think I know where, but I wrote this one down and I didn't write down where I got it from but it says healing on the other side of heartbreak is not simply returning to how we were before the rending, but becoming better than we would have been without it.
Speaker 2:
Stronger, wiser and gentler, and that's the thing to think, that I had to go through that. God put me through that to help me get to where he wanted me to be, and so he could give me the future he had laid out for me.
Speaker 1:
So it reminds me of the um, the. It's an Asian form, art form called Kintsugi, and what they'll do is they'll break pottery and then they'll reassemble the pottery piece, with the joints being gold, and those pieces are more valuable than the pottery before it was broken. And I see that in you, sherry, because anyone who knows you now knows that you are full of life, you're full of love. You have, like this, enthusiasm for living. You enjoy everything you do and everyone you touch, and now you're actually empowered to bring this message of hope and healing to everyone that meets you Like now. It's the testimony of Jesus, is the spirit of prophecy. It's going to happen again and again and again through your life, and it is.
Speaker 2:
Well, and for the comic relief in this podcast, I'll tell you my retirement job is directing weddings. Oh yeah, I had. I had 12 last year and I've got like 25 this year.
Speaker 1:
So so I'm touching people yeah.
Speaker 2:
I'm touching people's lives, not in a you know, oh marriage, you know, but in a very encouraging way and getting to see the start of life for these young couples. And, um, it is funny, my, I remember when I started doing it my kids were like mom, are you sure you want to do this?
Speaker 1:
What a testimony. So they've seen it too. They just they think it's kind of funny and ironic, but tell me God doesn't have an amazing sense of humor and amazing. Well, I love that, Sherry, and just thank you so much for your willingness to be transparent. It's the. You know the enemy is overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony, but you got to be willing to share the deep parts of the true parts of your testimony, and you have done that for us today.
Speaker 1:
So I just thank you and, again, anyone listening. This is for you, or it may be for someone that you know. This may create a chink in the wall of unforgiveness, or it may be all the breakthrough at the end of your forgiveness journey or somewhere in between. And the important part is what Sherry brought to us today is lean into the Lord, go after it until he's done. Everything he wants to do in you, brings you breakthrough in this area, and then you discover that that's just the beginning of all the miracles he wants to do in your heart and your life. So thanks, you guys, for joining us today. It's been amazing to be with you and we will talk to you next time.
Speaker 1:
Hey, you guys. Thanks for hanging out with us today. I hope you got some refreshment from this sip from the fountain. If you're curious to hear more or if you like what you've heard, you can go ahead and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to yours, or follow our Instagram account, sips from the Fountain, or our Facebook page by the same name. Special thanks for Cover Art Photography to the Sarah D Harper, and I can't wait to hang out with you guys next time. Thanks so much, love y'all.
