Sips from the Fountain
Learning to drink from Jesus, the Fountain of Living Water, isn’t as hard as I thought, especially when you just start with sips, and those will change everything.
Sips from the Fountain
Divorce: When you thought you had it all right
Martha welcomes Erika to speak about moving from victimhood to victory after her husband unexpectedly left their marriage of 16 years despite her faithful Christian life and service.
• Growing up deeply involved in church and developing strong spiritual disciplines
• Marrying at 19 and living the "good Christian life" as a pastor's wife and mother
• Feeling angry with God when her marriage fell apart despite doing everything "right"
• Realizing she had a transactional relationship with God rather than understanding His true character
• Finding strength in Isaiah 54 - "your maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is his name"
• Experiencing God's provision through unexpected financial gifts after faithfully tithing
• Learning God cares about even small insecurities when He prompted someone to do her hair
• Choosing to focus on God's presence and blessings rather than dwelling on difficulties
• Understanding that developing "eyes to see and ears to hear" transforms our perspective
• Recognizing that God is enough regardless of our circumstances
If you're curious to hear more or if you like what you've heard, subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to yours or follow our Instagram account, sips from the fountain, or our Facebook page by the same name.
Do you ever feel like life can get too complicated and maybe even overwhelming? Yeah, me too, and it's okay. My name's Martha Gannot, and in this podcast we're going to talk about life, love, faith, family relationships, all kinds of things, and we're going to drink from what God wants to pour into us, one small sip at a time, because when it's the fountain of living water, small sips make all the difference. Sometimes it'll be just you and me, sometimes we'll have a friend join us. If we could have lunch together today, this is what I'd want to talk about. Okay, you guys, hello, hello. Welcome back to the podcast. Really excited today to continue our series on. It wasn't supposed to be like this, but how do you choose to be a victor instead of a victim in the pain, loss and disappointments that come our way in life? And my friend Erica is here today. I'm super excited for her to share her story. I think we were on our way to a girls night comedy thing Elijah, Elijah.
Speaker 2:What's her name? Angelina, Somebody.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm not sure what she's doing over there, but you're talking about um Angela.
Speaker 2:There we go. We were going. She was Bonkweeque.
Speaker 1:I can't remember her name anyway. Um, yeah, we were going to an event, she was.
Speaker 2:Bon Kwee Kwee.
Speaker 1:I can't remember her name. Anyway, yeah, we were going to watch a comedian and you told me your story.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I knew that this was a story that needed to be shared, so I'm really excited for everyone that's listening. It might be for you, it might be for someone else Also, even if your story isn't specific to Erica's story, what she's going to share applies to any kind of disappointment in what life has handed to you, and we were just talking beforehand that Revelation 19, 10 says the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy, so what he's done for one, he is willing, able and longs to do again and again, and again, and that the enemy is overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. So I feel like your testimony is going to be released today, erica, to bring people out of victimhood and into victory, no matter what this broken world has brought them. So let's just get started. Tell us talk to us.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I'll just jump right on into my story. I grew up in a church home. We were there all the time. You hear people say that they were there nine months before they were born. That was me. I was there Sunday morning, sunday night, wednesday night. I just had a very great upbringing, loved my church, got involved in all the things, and then the youth group and I just went on trips and it was just great and I learned through some really great leaders how to have a quiet time and a devotion and just how to hear from the Lord. And so when it came time to graduate and go to college, I was not one of these people that wanted to go and live in a dorm with like all these other girls and share a bathroom.
Speaker 1:I just thought it was just you. I had a great time.
Speaker 2:I know, I just wasn't, and so I knew I wanted to be a teacher, got to call me a teacher and so I was like you know, I'm just going to stay home this year. And I did and then, like just normal patterns of life, started dating a guy at church and, um, well, you know I'm in college and you know we like each other and I don't want to go to college, so you know why don't we get married? So we do, and um, I was 19 years old and um, we got married and five years later, um started having kids and just started to um, just to go through the steps of what you think life is supposed to look like. And um, you know I had um listened to your podcast, martha, and we were talking about just your identity and those stay at home mom days. I have so much related to that because I was just looking for identity and grasping at straws and just trying to fill that void and with just doing things and just I didn't realize like I was doing everything that you would think looked like a good Christian woman you know should do, but I was just feeling unfulfilled in all of it. But I just kind of kept trudging along, like we all do.
Speaker 2:And when the girls got old enough to go to school, I went with them and I started teaching and things were just moving right along. My husband was a pastor at a church. I started teaching and things were just moving right along. My husband was a pastor at a church. I led Bible studies for women. I led a children's choir.
Speaker 2:I just did everything to check all the boxes and then, all of a sudden, it just fell apart and so, 16 years in, my husband decided to leave and still to this day, I can't remember like anything that I would be like well, it's because of this, or this calls it, or this happened just a walk away and so I ended up. I remember I got really angry with God because I felt like I had gone through all the, I had just done everything I thought that he would want me to do, so why would something bad happen to me? And you know that's in and of itself indicating that there's works involved in our relationship, lord, if we do this, this and this, that he's going to give us this. And and you know, looking back now I know that you know that was just just me and my own mindset, not really recognizing who God really is.
Speaker 1:I've heard the phrase transactional. Yeah, okay, if I do all the things that you said, then you're supposed to spit out a good life for me. And I had the same thing. And goodness, what kind of relationships are good that are transactional. You do this for me, I do this for you.
Speaker 2:I yeah.
Speaker 1:I wasn't getting it at all. It's a completely different foundation for it, right Okay?
Speaker 2:And I just felt like it's, it's I hate to say this, it feels so uncomfortable to say this but I felt like he owed it to me, that I deserved it, and um, but then you know, over time you know that anger kind of faded away and I realized I've got to pick the pieces up.
Speaker 2:I've got two girls depending on me and I've got to get it together. And where am I going to turn? And my legacy my parents, my grandparents is a legacy of that that God can carry us through the most difficult of circumstances. And I started kind of realizing, like John 16, 33 says, you know, in this world you will have trouble, but take heart of overcome the world. It may not look exactly the way that we think it's going to. And so my next step was I started just praying for reconciliation because I felt like I had decided that, if, if this marriage is restored, that that's going to be this really awesome testimony that I'm going to be able to use. It's a good plan, it's a great plan and it's good intentions, good motives, because my kids were hurting and I wanted to take that away, of course.
Speaker 2:And so I was like I'm just going to dig my heels in and I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed and nothing was changing. And really honestly, martha, this is when God revealed his true character to me, because I realized that I'm writing a story. I'm I'm creating a story that I think I'm still at thinking God's going to do, like I'm what I'm asking him to do, like he's a genie in a bottle. And, um, I finally just surrendered and I said, okay, lord, I don't know what this looks like, but I'm handing the situation to you open-handed, I'm not holding on to anything, and I need you to guide me from here. And he gave me Isaiah 54. It says in Isaiah it says your maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is his name. And I said, okay, how can I go wrong? Like that's my husband, the Lord almighty is his name. And I said, okay, uh, how can I go wrong? Like that's my husband? Okay, so we're going to we're, we're going to do this.
Speaker 2:And so, little by little, uh, I started documenting everything. I just wrote everything down, every verse. He gave me every just comfort, like at night, I get the girls in bed, and I was a teacher at the time. So I would go to school and I would put on this brave face and those kids they really rescued me during those years because they brought so much joy to my life on days that really were sad. And the girls would go to bed and I remember at the beginning it was a lot of tears after they go to bed and I closed that door, but then over time it was like revelations and joy at what God was showing me and he was starting to show me that I could stand on my own two feet, that he was enough, that he would carry me, he would walk with me, he would pick me up if I fell, and so I started realizing like he would pick me up if I fell. And so it's. I started realizing like he's enough.
Speaker 2:And I remember a couple of just fun stories that that I love to share, and this is really just two of of many. But the first one was being in this. You know this Christian family. I always saw my parents pay a tithe and you know that was back before you did online. You put an envelope, you put an offering plate. So I remembered like, ok, I'm in charge of these finances now. I didn't know what I was doing. I remember calling around asking companies like do I owe you money?
Speaker 1:Do I pay you.
Speaker 2:They thought I sounded really young because I sound younger than my age, and so they were like, bless your heart, so they would help me. I got the most compassionate people but I remember I was like, ok, I'm going to pay a tithe, and I wrote a check and I put it in the offering plate and I literally remember telling God like I am so sorry if that bounces.
Speaker 1:That's the definition of sowing in tears, and I remember times like that where I would do it online and I would literally weep as I push the button to send the money out of fear and just like wide open I'm going to trust you, no matter. It felt like I was jumping off a cliff. It's why I jump out of things is to give myself courage to do the jumping that is required in the hard places in life. So I get it yes.
Speaker 2:So I would take. I took that leap of faith and that afternoon one of my daughters was really at me. She had all these gifts and I had just piled them up in the corner of my room. I I literally was just in a place where I couldn't even like process, just opening presents, which that sounds terrible. But it had been my birthday, it was teacher appreciation, it was in the school year, and so all that had just kind of piled up and she was like Mom, can we go through these gifts? And I was like okay, and so we sat down the day it was literally Sunday Just put that little measly check in the offering plate and we start opening like card and gift and card and gift and card and gift.
Speaker 2:And when it was all said and done, I had $750 of gift cards in that pile I had shoved in my room and I knew that God was telling me listen, I've got you, like I have you. Just rest in it. And I promise you I did not worry about money a day after that. Um, another one of my stories that I love is um, you know, although I didn't worry about money, I didn't have a lot of it. So there would be months that I knew I was getting paid Friday, but I might have a dollar and 50, you know, but I always had a dollar and you, you know, we always had food and we always had what we needed.
Speaker 2:And so I you know I'm not a natural blonde, I hate to tell it, but I know it's crazy but, um, my roots were growing out and I just remembered thinking, like that is true, I just remember thinking, like this is selfish of me to like I'm not gonna go get my hair done, like I don't have one, I don't have the money to get my hair done, and like this, what I do have needs to be for my kids and I'm not gonna, I'm just, it's just gonna grow out and I'll just look hideous so um in the meantime.
Speaker 2:So I remembered um a lady I she's a friend, but not somebody that, like we do life together, that we're around all that, she's around me all the time. But she called me and said the Lord told me to fix your hair and I was like what do you mean?
Speaker 2:She's like just come, I'm going to take your hair free, you are not going to pay me. I'm going to take your hair free, you are not going to pay me. And this was the beginning of God really rooting a lot of pride in me because I was embarrassed, Like I didn't. I didn't want to be that person that needed something or it just I was too prideful. And she finally said look, you aren't going to take away the blessing that God's told me to give you, so you're coming.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:So I made a pan of brownies and so that's all I had. Take the brownies. And I remember sitting there and I finally just started laughing and she's like what? And I was like I just thought how bad do I look if God's telling people to fix my hair? And she just laughed and we just laughed. And then you know, looking back, I don't think God thought I looked bad. But what he did show me in that season and in that time was that he cares about the things that I care about. And he knew that I was insecure about it. He knew I was worried about it. Um, he knew that it made me not feel confident and pretty and he said let me take care of that for you. And so he just and like I said I could tell a million stories.
Speaker 1:And you know we we were talking a little bit before we started about you could tell a million stories but at the same time, erica, in the same season, I bet there were a million hard things.
Speaker 1:Oh absolutely, and I think when you go through your life and you face that pain, loss or disappointment, we have a choice. We have a choice to either focus on the difficult things or to focus on the life and the hope that's being poured into the difficult things and where we focus is going to grow and it's where our energy is going to go. We were talking to have a friend that was in a really hard situation recently and kind of complaining that she's always in a hard situation and God I mean flat out miracle for her in the situation, and her response to the miracle was yeah, well, on a regular basis, I just don't have any, you know, any hope of this regularly getting handled, just because God did it this time. What a profoundly different response than what you're talking about, like when, as God showed himself to you, you have the choice you can turn your heart toward him and let that life and hope and healing pour in and begin to build that close walk with him, or you can stay stuck in the bitterness of the hard things that have happened to you, which closes you off to life, love and healing.
Speaker 1:You go deep down into that hole and I think all of us know people who have done both. I just want to honor you. This is why I wanted your story told, because it it too. You had to make a choice to look at the hard things in your own heart that needed to be changed. You had to say no to the pride in order to receive from the Lord. You had to um give up your right to the perfect life that you wanted and receive the life that he was giving you. And what a difference it's made. But it's hard in the moment.
Speaker 2:It is. It's so hard and you know, one of the prayers that I prayed for my ex-husband was for him to have eyes to see and ears to hear. But then I started praying that for me like, help me have eyes to see where you are blessing me and showing up, give me ears to hear what you're trying to tell me. There are so many times that we think we're praying to change someone else, when really we just need to change ourselves. And it really doesn't matter what the story is. You know, mine just happened to be divorced, but it could be the loss of a loved one, it could be a loveless marriage, it could be an addiction. He is enough, he. He will meet you right where you are and he will just love you and he will guide you. And you just have to ask for those eyes to see and those ears to hear.
Speaker 1:Wow. Because we were talking about this too, this also won't be the last time for either one of us in this life that we experience pain, loss and disappointment, but you carved a path in your mind and in your spirit that when I get broken again, I know the path back to him that he'll rescue me, that he's got healing, health and then wholeness again for me, over and over again, every time I hit brokenness.
Speaker 1:you know so that what for me, what was a you I'm going to do the right things and you give me the perfect life has been replaced with oh wait, you walk with me. It's a broken world. These are broken people I live with. I'm going to get hurt and broken again, but you're here the whole time and you'll walk me back into healing. And so I love that message. Yeah, I love that message. What else Anything?
Speaker 2:else that you wanted to just say no. I'm just so thankful for the opportunity to share my story because in the middle of it I would have loved to have heard a story like that and and know that okay.
Speaker 2:God carried her through. He can do, he can do the same for me and, um, I just just and so thankful, so honored for you to invite me, um, because I feel like it's, like you said at the beginning, like our testimony. You know, we can just share that and encourage others and I hope that it's encouraged someone out there, no matter what it is you're going through, that God will be enough for you.
Speaker 1:You might pray for anyone that's listening. That just bless them with that.
Speaker 2:Dear Lord, thank you so much for just the opportunity to sit down and just talk about your faithfulness and all that you've done in my life, just to show who you are and um, and how loved I am. But, lord, it's not me, it's every single person that is listening at this very moment. It's every single person that is listening at this very moment. I pray that they know how loved and how valued and how seen they are by you and, lord, I pray that, no matter what is going on in their lives, no matter how difficult, no matter how hopeless, that they will turn to you and realize that you are enough, that you will carry them through, that you are living water for their soul. Lord, I pray that you'll just meet each listener where they are and give them those eyes to see and those ears to hear your voice. Even today, lord, I pray you'll show up in a way that there's no doubt that that you are with them, that you see them and that you love them. Amen.
Speaker 1:Erica, thank you so much, and thank you guys for being with us again today. I know this story had to encourage you. It encouraged me so much and we'll see you next time. Hey you guys, thanks for hanging out with us today. I hope you got some refreshment from this sip from the fountain. If you're curious to hear more or if you like what you've heard, you can go ahead and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to yours or follow our Instagram account, sips from the fountain, or our Facebook page by the same name. Special thanks for cover art photography to the Sarah D Harper, and I can't wait to hang out with you guys next time. Thanks so much. Love y'all you.