Navigating Parenting Challenges and Embracing Change with Erica Thomason from The Dynamic Child

In this episode of the Can We Start Over podcast, hosts Brit and Lindsey interview Erica Thomason from The Dynamic Child.
 
Before the interview, Britt and Lindsey catch up on the busy season they're in and say sorry to the listeners for going quiet for a few weeks. They won't ghost you again!

They love to hear from their listeners and encourage everyone to reach out on Instagram to connect. Send a DM with your big dream -- the way you want to start over in life! It's really fantastic to hear from y'all!

Then they get into a fantastic interview with Erica Thomason. 

Erica, a licensed professional counselor and early childhood educator, shares her wisdom and insights on parenting and offers practical tools and resources for navigating the challenges of raising children of all ages.

Key takeaways from the interview with Erica Thomason:

Parenting can be hard, and it's important to acknowledge and validate the struggles that come with it.

Erica emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and emotional regulation in parenting.

Understanding our triggers and learning how to respond rather than react can significantly improve our relationships with our children.

She encourages parents to trust their instincts and embrace their unique parenting style. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and it's okay to make mistakes and learn from them.

Erica believes in the power of open communication and vulnerability.

Sharing our dreams, fears, and challenges can create a supportive community and help us feel seen and understood.

The Dynamic Child offers one-on-one parenting support and virtual consultations. Listeners of the Can We Start Over podcast can receive a 25% discount on sessions by mentioning the podcast during the inquiry process.
Learn more and Schedule your consultation HERE. 

Erica's work extends beyond just parenting and can be helpful for anyone who has relationships with children or other individuals.

She reminds us that we are all on unique journeys and deserve compassion and understanding.

To learn more about Erica Thomason and The Dynamic Child, visit their website here and follow them on Instagram @thedynamicchild and @erica_thomason.

Lindsey’s business rebrand is in full swing and to celebrate she’s offering her two most popular sessions at an amazing price if you book before November 18th.

Book a Somatic Release Session HERE - normally Priced $200 book now for only $125! YOU ARE THE ANSWER: Intuitive Somatic Session.

Book a Holographic Sound Session HERE — normally P

CONNECT WITH US!
We'd love to hear from you! What do you want to hear more about? What do you love? Have a topic request or a guest suggestion? Please shoot us an email or DM on Instagram.

Britt's Photography
Somatic Healing with Lindsey

Instagram
@canwestartoverpod
@j.britt_robisheaux
@itslindseyakey

Transcript

Britt: 1:20

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of the Can We Start Over podcast. My

Lindsey: 1:25

name is Brit. And my name is Lindsay. Thanks for listening. We're glad you're here. We appreciate you. And if you're new here, if you're a first time listener, let us introduce ourselves. We're a married couple who one year ago left our hometown of Texas, the town, and went

Britt: 1:43

on a nine month In Texas, Texas. It's like New York, New York.

Lindsey: 1:46

In Texas. A little different. No subway system. Right. We went traveling for nine months with our three kids, one of whom was 18 months. The other two, they're both eight years old. Anyway, you get the idea. We sold everything to start over and we had a great time. We got really curious about how other people started over. So we started talking to amazing people about their starting over story. And now you're listening to the podcast. That was birthed from that. So welcome to our story, and thanks for being here. Well,

Britt: 2:18

for all of you that have been here for a while, I'd like to apologize. We've been a little off schedule lately. Sorry we ghosted you. We ghosted you. Sorry

Lindsey: 2:26

about that. It's been a wonky few weeks. What did we do? Why was it wonk?

Britt: 2:33

Well, we had a few episodes batched out because we had a trip going to Texas, going back to get all of our stuff out of storage. Bring it back here to California and we did that and we got back and we changed schools for two of our kids Third kids still looking for a school. So that's basically where we're

Lindsey: 2:51

at right now Yeah between that man it almost seems like traveling is easier to make a podcast than you can go back and we're like Rebuilding some kind of I'm saying this in air quotes y'all Real life, because it's all real life, but now we're just busy, we're in it, and it seems like there's less time. Do you feel like that's true? I feel like that's true. I don't know how we managed to do it all while we were traveling, especially from Hawaii, Japan, Thailand, Australia, but we were like, Cranking them out, cranking the episodes out, and then now it feels like we're back in some kind of grind a little. a little grindy to you? It feels

Britt: 3:32

a little grindy, yeah. I think part of it is there's a different unknown, like before we were just traveling and we knew what we were doing, we were traveling, and now we're not, and so the unknown now is how we're rebuilding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like how we're starting over in work and routine,

Lindsey: 3:50

school with the kids. And that's when, like... That's when you really can, uh, check yourself into like, oh, this is just some old fear because I think it needs to be one way or the other. And it can't be that I can do what I, I can like, live life on my terms and still work, you know? There's millions of people doing that in the world right now, but obviously, well, and also you can, there can just be seasons of busyness. So I think there's not a wrong answer, but... I think what's happening for me is these kind of old conditioning patterns of like, what does it mean to, again, y'all in air quotes, have a real life versus this fantasy. I guess that's the difference. That's the condition part is like one part's a fantasy and one part is reality and that really like makes them really polar opposite. Yeah,

Britt: 4:45

I definitely have to remind myself that there can be There can be work without a

Lindsey: 4:50

grind. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Britt: 4:53

That I can slow my life down and concentrate a little more rather than just putting my head down and working, working, working.

Lindsey: 5:01

Right, yeah. And that, uh, you know what I need to remind myself of is like, work is so many forms. And it's very easy to be like, does this produce an income right now? Or are you... Investing your time into something that's going to produce income later and just weighing both of them, you know? It's a wild

Britt: 5:26

little unknown universe we're swimming in right now.

Lindsey: 5:29

And always. And always. Because you never know what's going to happen. All, all, I mean, you can have, and there's another part, you can like have every safety in place. You can have all the money in the bank. You can have all the job security you can have. A house on a house on a house in a bunker or whatever and you never know what's gonna happen, like you will get rocked. Wow.

Britt: 5:54

That sounds scary.

Lindsey: 5:57

And you'll get rocked in amazing ways too. Right, right, right, right. Uh, like Queen. What's that? I don't get that. I'm just saying like all the safety and security that we build as humans in our little human show. Like we do need safety and security and it is important and then sometimes it is, you just have to be like, this is a game. Yeah, it's true. This is a game. Yeah, and also what else is happening?

Britt: 6:25

We're really enjoying the outdoors. We're really spending a lot of family time We go for hikes in this riverbed with a swimming hole and take the dog out. We go to the park with our kids Just kind of enjoying family right now

Lindsey: 6:38

Yeah, yeah. And that, I mean, we, like, put on the brakes, you know, of travel, so it's just different. And there's so much to do and so much beauty and so much fun all right here. We're just kind of packing it into a busier package right now before it was every day. Yeah. It was like, we wake up and we're like, where are we going to go today? What are we going to see? And now we're like. Kind of back to like, it's Sunday. I'm

Britt: 7:06

kind of feeling the urge to travel more. Me too. It's really creeping back in. Yeah, me too. We haven't talked about this to each other. To each other.

Lindsey: 7:14

Until just now. So, where do you want to go?

Britt: 7:18

Mexico. Take me back to Mexico.

Lindsey: 7:21

It is an amazing place, and we definitely will go back there. And, yeah, I feel the urge to travel too. It's like, do you feel like it's an avoidance of something? Or do you feel like it's a true... honoring of something.

Britt: 7:37

I don't know. I guess I haven't thought of it like that. Maybe a little bit of both.

Lindsey: 7:41

Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Maybe I should look a little deeper into that. Maybe. Yeah, I kind of feel like it is an honoring. I mean, there was never a time in my life where I didn't like a big adventure, and I didn't like to travel, and you have to know when to take breaks, which we did. Honestly, I don't feel like I'm really avoiding anything like anything that's coming up with, you know, in the busyness and in the wonky or whatever I'm like, I feel like I'm like looking at it and like holding it up to the light and being like, here's a part of me. Is this true? And really, and moving through it. So I feel like I'm doing all the pieces, you know, and so, and there's this change that seen, like, just in myself or the way that I think or the way that I see myself is, it is a lack, is, like, not avoiding and being, like, really okay with whoever I am. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? Yeah, definitely. Like, just being like, yeah, I want to travel again. That's amazing. And not being like, Oh, that's bad or that's this or that again, just like really putting it in a polarity, but just being, just being in love with myself, it feels good. It feels good to, to trust that's even more, even say self love or whatever. And some people are like, no, not into it. But just trusting whatever comes up as honest.

Britt: 10:36

I would like to ask everyone listening for a little favor. It's super easy to. Can you just send us a little message? I just want to know who you are. I can see numbers here when I look up and I see lots of people are listening to the podcast. But I want to put a face or a name with these numbers right now. And I feel like we're We're putting out all of this vulnerability and I just want to know that it's being received. So if, if you have a chance, just go on Instagram at can we start over pod and just send us a little message. It doesn't even, you don't even have to type anything, just type hi, just so that we know you're there. Or if you feel so inclined, tell podcast. Have we helped you in any way? Have we hindered you in any way?

Lindsey: 11:22

Did we ruin your life?

Britt: 11:25

Is there something you want to hear about? Tell us that. We'd love to, uh, find a guest that can explain whatever you

Lindsey: 11:31

want to know. Yeah, and you know what I want to hear from people is like, well, how do you want to start over? Yeah, what do you want to do? Because we keep these little things secret for so long or Something, you know, especially those like dreams that were like and that'll never happen Like what if we just talked about it more? do you know what kind of world we would live in if we were like openly saying Here's the thing I really want to do. Like, here's the way I really want to start over. Yeah. I want to start walking on my hands everywhere. Well,

Britt: 12:02

here's some homework for you. I know I went from like, don't do much for me to like, now I'm asking you for some homework. Think about a way you want to start over that you haven't told anyone.

Lindsey: 12:11

And let us know. Tell us. And send it to us. Yeah. Because we are like rooting you on. A million percent. A hundred percent. And. A hundred million percent. A hundred million. A hundred. Drop it down to a million. a hundred.

Britt: 12:24

I haven't told anybody, but I want to go back to school. Learn math.

Lindsey: 12:30

We are rooting for you a million percent. And I think sometimes. We have those. That's another thing is like we have these like big wild dreams that maybe we don't even want to tell our friends and maybe you are a friend that's listening, but you can tell us because if anyone is rooting for you, it's us. We want to believe in your dream. We want to hear about your dream. Or the thing you want to do, and we want to believe in it, because it helps remind us that our shit's worth believing in. So much better than getting together to talk about gossip, or to talk about TV, or to talk about any of the boring things that conversation can go to. Let's talk about the thing you want to do in life. You know,

Britt: 13:14

speaking of that, I don't know if I'm going off on a tangent here, but I recently realized... That in my old life before we moved away when I was feeling like stuck in a rut with work and just in my community I feel like I was just talking shit about everything all the time And like I was filling space like with Hey, let's, let's talk crap about work, or hey, this band sucks, or look at that stupid car. And how negative, how terrible is all of that? And I mean, I'm probably, I'm probably exaggerating, but I was focusing on negative things instead of talking about the weather. You know what I'd like to hear right now? I'm happy to hear somebody tell me about how nice it is outside. You know what? Because I was just looking for content, and somehow I felt like talking crap about something would...

Lindsey: 14:05

Would fill, well, let me walk you back off the ledge. Okay? Okay. Okay. Because first of all, you're definitely exaggerating. You didn't do that all the time. No one would wanna hang out with you if you did that all the time. Mm-Hmm. Um, and you're always the life of the party. You're super positive. And that part of us, because we all do it, that part of us that's like. Let me rag on this in a I'm in a I'm being funny way, but really I'm like looking for something It's like that little 12 year old kid part and we don't We don't get him on our team by saying fuck you 12 year old kid now You can't don't be negative. We get him on our on our internal team by being like I see you, I understand, you want to rag on something, okay, come on, we don't need to do that right now, but like, come in, come in, what, what are you feeling?

Britt: 14:55

Whoa, you just recruited 12 year old Brit back into 41

Lindsey: 14:58

year old Brit. That's like, that's how we return to wholeness, it's so, it's so different than models were taught where it's like, cut out the bad parts. It's like plastic surgery on your psyche or on your, your being. It's like, no, that part, he belongs. He just doesn't need to be in the driver's seat. 12 year old Brit, you're welcome here. And 12, you know what, 12, stupid podcast, stupid lady. How old are you? You know what? 12 year old Brit, nevermind. Go drink your Dr. Pepper and listen to Megadeth and get out of here. Sounds nice. There's only three things I want to hear about. One is the weather, two is how cold is that, Dr. Pepper, three is what's your favorite Megadeth album? I don't even know if Megadeth has an

Britt: 15:52

album. Yeah, it's funny that you think I listened to Megadeth. I

Lindsey: 15:55

don't actually think that, um, I don't actually think anything. It's just the first thing that came to mind. It's good though. You listen to Reverend Horton Heath.

Britt: 16:05

We turn that rockabilly

Lindsey: 16:06

effect back on the big bird you listen to the Big Bird song when you're 12 the Nixons We want to hear from you. We love hearing from you. We've gone on a deep tangent If you're still here in your first time listener, well, whoo. Thank you so much We really appreciate you and we love you even more. We have an incredible guest today someone that has helped us individually and as a team on our parenting journey for several years now. And when we started this podcast, she was one of the first names on the list of we have to talk to her because I know every single parent has Challenges is hard out here for a parent, y'all, and she has so much wisdom and insight. Today our guest is Erica Thomason from The Dynamic Child. Erica is a licensed professional counselor and an early childhood educator. And she has this way of making you feel seen as a parent, giving you practical resources and tools to use, and then also, like, just getting in there with you and being like, it's hard, you know, like, Understanding where you're coming from while also showing you a way out. She's so relatable. So incredibly relatable. Her level of compassion and empathy with the people that she works with is, when she, when I've worked with her, is just incredible. And we're so glad that she's here today. This is going to be a great episode for all of you parents, or anyone who just regularly interacts with a kid. Teachers, caregivers, everyone who has some relationship with a child that can cause a trigger or a spike or an emotion.

Britt: 17:55

I would go as far as to say, if you have a relationship with any other human.

Lindsey: 17:58

That's actually true too, because really you can use these tools for anyone. We're all just big kids. She

Britt: 18:03

says it in the, in the interview. Yeah,

Lindsey: 18:05

she does. Yeah. Erica is. a mother herself, she's a partner, and she manages her business, working with other people, so she knows how to work with stress, with interpersonal difficulties, and all of those things that like leave us stretched beyond our physical and emotional limit. And she knows how to, just when you think you're gonna snap, she knows how to bring you back and help you solve that and come back into a state of emotional regulation. My relationship with the way I parented and the, specifically the guilt, and even more than that, a level of shame that I had for like, when I was getting parenting wrong. completely transformed by working with Erika. I just can't stress it enough, the way that, that work of like, coming to parenting with a level of awareness. That wasn't modeled to me necessarily when I was a kid. It really was like a huge cornerstone turning point in my life of feeling like I'm the person I want to be and I'm meant to be. So like I mentioned, Erica's company, The Dynamic Child, offers one on one parenting support. Can We Start Over followers can receive a 25 percent discount on virtual parenting consultations. All you have to do is go to her website, thedynamicchild. com, send them an email inquiry about scheduling an appointment, mention the podcast, and they'll get your session set up. Also, make sure you follow them on Instagram, the dynamic child, or Erica underscore Thomason for amazing parenting, real life tips. Before we get to our interview with Erica, I want to mention that my business is in the midst of a big rebrand. And... And... up level and a change. And in honor of that, I'm offering somatic sessions and sound healing sessions at an incredibly low price that you won't see again. You have to book before November 18th, but I'm calling this the self love sale, because I know that we all need. To walk the healing path, to release those blocks and patterns that might be holding you back, and come into a space of that wholeness, because the 12 year old Brit needs to get on board with the 41 year old Brit's team. We do that in somatic work. You can do that in sound healing. All of these, the modalities of body centered healing and then energetic healing, they work so well together. Remember, book before November 18th to get an incredible deal on either a somatic session or a sound healing session. You can find the link in the show notes. All right, now let's get to the

Britt: 21:00

show. Let's

Lindsey: 21:01

do it.

Erica: 21:05

So I just, again, just loved following your journey and just seeing how it's unfolded and love watching you guys find this place that feels really good to you right now. I, I think that's just so amazing. So happy

Lindsey: 21:20

for y'all. Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah, it really is a testament to like, it might not play out the way you think and it can be better.

Erica: 21:27

Exactly. Exactly. Isn't that how, I think that part of the way the universe works is my most favorite. part of manifesting. You just start off with this idea of what you think it might look like, and then the universe takes you in this direction that's like greater and more than and just beyond your wildest imagination and beyond your dreams, you know, and that's just so fulfilling and incredible when you can like step into your courage and, and take those expansive, scary, sometimes steps. And on the other side of that is just this incredible reward. And so I'm living vicariously through you guys watching y'all do that and move through all those steps and, and just claim this massive reward. And I just couldn't be happier for you. It's. That's really an incredible thing to watch. Thank

Lindsey: 22:15

you so much. Yeah. Oh, that feels so good. So how does that relate to how you've started

Erica: 22:22

over? Well my starting over hasn't been like a physical moving locations kind of starting over, but I feel like the last three years have been a massive emotional starting over for me, um, which all kind of. The start of it was like kind of a trickle effect starting in 2019 when I had my son. No one really tells you about what a massive starting over it is to introduce a child into your family. Um, your relationship with your partner is a starting over, your habits, your patterns, your schedule, like all, all the things, right. Just kind of like throws all the chips up into the air and you're figuring out where they're going to land and what that looks like. Um, and then immediately after that, in 2019, my dad became ill with stage four lung cancer. Um, and that was a massive starting over for me. Um, the day before my 40th birthday, he actually passed away. And right before he passed away, we just had the most beautiful heart to heart. conversation where he shared with me that he knew inside of himself why he was so sick with cancer and it was because he never knew how to express his, his real truth that he kept his feelings in for so many years. He never knew how to talk about how he felt, um, and that, that energy that he stored inside of himself, he knew in that moment that that was what had made him feel so ill. And he shared with me that one of the things that he was most proud of me for was watching my journey through grad school and becoming a therapist and learning how to use my voice and learning how to externalize my feelings. And he said that, um, he had learned so much from me through that process. And he was Sad that he wasn't going to have more time to explore that. And he asked that I commit with him in that moment to continue learning how to use my voice in the world. And I think in that moment, that's when I pressed play on my starting over saying to him, yes, dad, I, I fully commit to that. And that's something I really want to know more about. And from there, it was just kind of like the universe was like. Okay, you ready, girl? Let's, let's get on this ride. Let's do this. And since then, it's just been numerous steps in a direction of learning to see myself in a new way and trying on new emotional strategies and being honest with myself, you know, radical honesty, learning about integrity, shifting a lot of people pleasing tendencies, I think that I've learned along the way. And just also, even more, I think, and the, the biggest lesson in my starting over experience is just learning how to have insane self compassion and coming back to, I think that's a really big starting over point, is just. forgiving yourself and loving yourself and accepting yourself and embracing all that is so that you can harness what there is to know from whatever lesson you're facing and starting at that square one and just moving forward. That's, that's been a big part of my starting over. Is that square?

Lindsey: 25:46

So beautifully put. Yeah. Yeah. And self compassion is so crucial. And I really worked with you on that a lot. I would, I want to talk about that more, like parenting is so hard, you know, or it can't, it can be right. A lot of us don't come equipped, you know, we're not like taught, like, here's how you are a supportive parent and compassionate to yourself, right? How do you tell people, or how do you guide people? to that place of self compassion when they feel overwhelmed as parents? Yeah,

Erica: 26:21

that's a really good question. As a clinician and as a human, I think there's just not really a one size fits all answer for that question. So I just want to start off with that caveat of like, it looks different for every single person, right? Britt? May look different from for other people, right? But and and the process in which you kind of move through that is different for everyone. Um, but at the base of it is I think being able to start over and let go and let go of those ideas that you thought. The way you thought things might go and having space to allow whatever it is that needs to come in to come in, being generous with yourself in that way. I think that's where my self compassion starts, um, is not having a perfectionistic idea of what should be. I, I share with people all the time that shitting on yourself is rude and you shouldn't fucking do that. Sorry, maybe I shouldn't cuss, but you shouldn't do that. It's really rude, right? Like there's no way that things should go. So yeah, I think for a lot of people it's, it's a practice again of coming back to that idea of there is just no one way. There's so many ways. There are so many ways and I think for me when I can embrace that, that's when I can be really compassionate with myself. Usually when I'm being hard on myself, it's because I have a should in my mind of how I think things would be better and I'm missing the mark in some way, which usually turns out to be so untrue.

Lindsey: 27:59

So untrue. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, when you, when I think about parenting and starting over. It can happen, there's definitely a starting over when you bring a baby or any, or a child into your life, and then there's just this continuous opportunity because A baby is different than a toddler, is different than a young child, is different than a teen. You know, things we haven't even experienced yet. Different than an adult. Mm hmm. Um, child. Yeah. Is that what it's called? An adult. Yeah.

Erica: 28:30

We all have a little child inside of us. Right? It's true. Yeah. We're just big people with little children inside of us. Yeah.

Lindsey: 28:39

So, when, when someone has that feeling like... Like, there's a barrier in the relationship, in like the parent child relationship. Where do they start? Like, where do they start

Erica: 28:53

starting over? Yeah, great question. That's a great one. I think that a really effective way of starting over at each one of those milestones where things are shifting and changing and you're noticing that the relationship is also shifting and changing is. To work towards making space available inside of yourself to see what is it that your child really needs. What is it that your child really needs in this moment? How can you position yourself to be the most effective shepherd of this little soul that has come to this planet and putting your own Ego, needs, desires, expectations, visions for this person aside and creating a container of space that is just for them. And that can be so incredibly difficult and challenging because this world has a lot of ideas and expectations for us as parents and, and for our children and the way that things should be. Again, whenever that word, that should word pops up, that's like a flag to me for, okay, How can I pause here? And go deeper. What's underneath that should? And just kind of questioning myself there. And from there, making myself open to. The knowledge that whatever ideas that I have starting off may not be the right ones for this, for my person, right? And so, for me personally as a mother, my mantra from the start has been, how can I remain open? and aware to what my little person's needs are, and how can I most effectively shepherd him along his path so that he can explore in the ways that he is curious while helping him to remain safe. It's kind of like, if I were to go on a safari in Africa, I would want to guide there so that I could explore the terrain, but do it in a safe way, right? Um, so I could see and do and experience all the things that I want to see and experience, but with safety, right? And so I kind of think of, think of that example as how I would like to move through motherhood with my child. And I, Share that with other parents, again, because there's no one size fits all, but how can you make yourself available in that moment using the experience that you have, like valuable experience that you have, to help this terrain to be safe for your child while they explore this wide, wide world of possibility.

Lindsey: 31:26

Yeah, so perfectly put like we parent child like we are doing this for a reason. We're here together for a reason. So that's not a mistake. So if there's like some bump, then we're supposed to work through it. And I say this all the time, but like parenting. Is the biggest shadow work tool, you know, because it will be like, here's everything that you're hiding about yourself.

Erica: 31:55

You can no longer hide from me. It's like pulled right

Lindsey: 31:59

up to the surface and, and then that's beautiful, honestly, because you get the opportunity. to say, okay, I can, I can look at this stuff. I can work through it and it doesn't need to be scary. Like it's just part of being human. It's a beautiful opportunity.

Erica: 32:19

100%. My therapist gave me a question just the other day that I think really fits in this moment is, In those moments of opportunity, asking yourself, is this dangerous or is this vulnerability? Because I think those two things can feel really similar, especially in parenting, right? Like, um, when those moments where you feel triggered come up. asking yourself, like, am I in danger? Am I safe? Or is, does this feel vulnerable to me? And I think kids are really good about bringing up those super deep vulnerable moments where it feels dangerous. Like it's hard to go there, right? That pain can feel dangerous. Um, but when you ask yourself that question and you realize that it's just an emotional vulnerability, then it kind of helps to separate what's the past stuff that's popping up for you and what's really in the present moment.

Britt: 33:14

Thank you. That really hits hard right now. We've been having, um, a little bit of a struggle with one of our kids Acting out and how we're reacting how we're showing up for that. So thanks for reminding me

Erica: 33:29

Absolutely. I feel like that's what we're all here to do for one another. We're all born knowing we came here knowing and Everybody else's, you know, all the people in your life or in your field of vision are just here to deliver little reminders to you Get you back on the path, right? You know, clarify your vision because you already know the answers. Sometimes we just get confused and we just need a little tap on the shoulder. We just need a little hand squeeze, you know, a little hug. Totally. Get us back in the right direction. So I'm glad I can give that to you.

Lindsey: 34:03

Yeah. Thank you. We, I want to add, or I want you to ask Or say a little bit more about what's happening with one of our kids. Is that okay? Yeah, so

Britt: 34:14

one of our kids is having trouble hearing no for an answer in certain instances. And flipping the lid.

Lindsey: 34:23

Yeah. Which we learned from

Britt: 34:25

you. Which we learned from you. And we're having trouble calming him down, and I, I feel like I'm being a little reactive too, and it's happening in public a lot, which in the past usually it was at home, uh, so I'm, I'm having, I, I'm feeling that vulnerability, I'm there in public. And he's just yelling, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream. And that's the only thing he can say and scream it. Yeah. And, um, him like grabbing on to us, you know. Yeah. And, uh, that does feel triggering. So I have to constantly tell myself, like, it's going to be okay. We're going to make it to the car. We're going to figure this out. Yeah. And then when I get through that, I'm like, how, what, what's the real issue here? It's not the ice cream, you know. What am I looking for?

Erica: 35:13

Yeah.

Lindsey: 35:14

Yeah. And like what is he needing? Yeah, what

Britt: 35:17

is he needing in that moment. Yeah, not what am I looking for, what is he needing that I need to give to him. Yeah, yeah. Or help him get. Or like support.

Lindsey: 35:25

Support him, yeah.

Erica: 35:28

Britt, I just love how you so beautifully illustrated. that scenario and illustrated how you regulated yourself first because nothing else matters after that. There's not a thing that matters after that. You said to yourself, it's okay. I'm going to get through this. This is tough. He's freaking out, you know, like whatever is the actual verbiage that went on in your mind, but you first took care of yourself because in order to take good care of your children, you first, you first have to be regulated. If you're dysregulated, then everyone else is going to be dysregulated too, right? Um, so I, for, for parents working with their kids in these kinds of situations, I just think that there's nothing more important than that because you as the guide are setting the temperature, so to speak, of the interaction. I think of it like a thermostat in the room, right? If you set your thermostat at 72 degrees, then the room is going to remain 72 degrees. If it, if the temperature increases, then your air is going to kick on and, you know, it's going to get everybody back to 72 degrees. And it's the same way as the leader of your family. If you remain here, And they're up here, they have no choice but to come down to your level if you remain here. Now, if you rise, then they're going to rise right with you, right? And the more you rise, the more they rise. But the more that you remain like the steady, stable temperature in the room, they cannot help but to come down to you. And that's exactly what you were doing, Brit, in that moment when you had that internal dialogue with yourself. We're keeping your temperature calm and steady, rather than like popping off and reacting. You took the time to keep yourself regulated, so then you could make yourself available to help your child regulate. Also.

Britt: 37:20

Thank you. And it is, I have to say that it is a struggle and it doesn't always

Erica: 37:25

turn out like that. Because perfection does not exist in parenting. That is another important thing. I had another parenting expert tell me one time that if you get it right 30 percent of the time, that's your A plus, gold stars. You're doing an excellent job at parenting because the, the job is not to always have a perfect interaction. In fact, if you're doing that with your kids, you're setting them up for failure in the future because life does not work that way. It's the 70 percent when things fall apart is when we're actually learning. And that, that's what we, that's what we want to do with our kids, right? We want to show them how to handle these real life situations that are bound to come up, right? We want to show them how to process through those challenges so that when you're not with them, In the parking lot or in the grocery store or whatever, that they have this internal dialogue inside of their mind because they've noticed and watched and watched your modeling, they've watched the way that you handle yourself in those moments, and that then becomes their own internal dialogue, their internal tape or model for how they handle those similar kinds of feelings in the future, right? So it's really the messy stuff. is when the real work is happening, like the real important stuff is happening. It's not when we're like kumbaya ing and hugging and, you know, sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, right? It's like when the stuff is hitting the fan and everybody's freaking out. Right? That's when the real parenting is happening. Absolutely.

Britt: 39:00

And can you give us a few tools we would use for a situation

Erica: 39:04

like that? Yeah, okay. So we'll take the situation with the ice cream. I want the ice cream. I want the ice cream. First step first. Inside, you're saying to yourself, how am I doing? You know, you're like checking on your internal regulation first. And so whatever tools there are that you use in that moment for regulating yourself, for me, it's always about breath. Like, where's my breath right now, because the first thing that changes for us when we have an emotional moment is our breathing changes. And that signals to our brain that, you know, we're either safe or we're not safe, right? So I'm always checking in with my breath. I'm checking in, you know, and this is like momentary stuff, right? It all happens so fast, but the more you practice it, the easier it becomes to have that awareness, right? You guys know, cause you've been practicing this for a long time yourselves, but it's just like, Noticing that where you are internally first and naming that for yourself, right? This is a hard situation. I'm pissed. I'm ready to, you know, just like lose it, you know, and sometimes it's enough just to say that to yourself, right? And then your internal thermometer can come down, you know? So taking that pause for yourself as a parent so that you can respond rather than react to your child. Okay, and so just like validating yourself first, and then the next step is validating your child. Son, I get it. I get that you really want that ice cream right now. It's so hard to hear me tell you no. I get that. I know what that feels like, right? And whatever ways that you can express to them that you understand their feeling, even though you don't agree with him falling out on the floor, Right? Like, that's not what you want, but you want him to know that you see, hear, feel, understand the feeling that he's going through in that moment, right, because their little nervous systems don't always have the language for identifying that internal state that's happening, right, and the faster that a child can receive it. Coherent labels and identification for what it is that they're feeling and going through is when their internal thermostat can come down to. So, for me, it's always about doing the name it to tame it thing. Dr. Daniel Siegel, you are an amazing person for coming up with that. Naming the internal emotion and getting a coherent label for the energy that's happening inside, almost 100 percent of the time, helps a child to move through that emotion. And even if they don't get the thing that they want, even if they don't get three scoops of ice cream in that moment, they're able to move through to the next thing and transition because they can get a sense of understanding of what's happening inside of them and express that. And then the feeling can die down and they can. move past it, move forward. And then after that, we can talk about the teaching stuff, right? Like we don't fall out in the grocery store. We don't scream at each other. We don't, you know, like the teachable stuff happens after that, after they've come back down and they're in their right thinking minds. And that's when we can use those situations, um, to teach them what we want them to know about life.

Britt: 42:07

And I can't overstate how much support we got from you when we were starting over and how much advice you gave to us. We've mentioned it on previous episodes before. Could you explain a few tips maybe that you gave us, uh, in starting over in a big change for your

Erica: 42:26

whole family? Yeah. In the beginning stages, I think... One of the most important things, and I think the thing that you that we talked about a lot together was having, um, like a unified stance as partners, right? Understanding just between the two of you, what are your values? I think as a family is a really, really big, important piece because each one of us as individuals have our individual values, but what are our values collectively as a family? And when you can know really clearly what your values are and have those very clearly defined for yourselves, I think that that makes it easy to come back to in a moment where you're confused or you're not, you're unsure of where to go next. Does this align with my values? And if not, then I'm going in the right direction. If yes, then what aligned steps can I take to help my family stay very close? to those values, and I think from there it just makes parenting decisions really clear and easy. Easy ish, right? Sometimes it can be challenging and hard, but it may, it gives you a lot more clarity, um, and alignment when you know where you want to go, and that helps you to map out how you get there.

Britt: 43:46

Awesome. Another thing that you really helped us with was making sure that the kids helped us make the decisions. Yes, collaboration. We were always checking in with them. And that, that was like, so important for us.

Erica: 43:58

Yeah. To me, um, I see children as humans that came here like full and complete. And with all the range of feelings and ideas and thoughts for their lives, and sometimes I think as adults we can forget that and kind of bulldoze over that and, and feel like because we have so much more experience that, that really trumps whatever they're thinking or feeling. And I just think it's so the opposite. And when we can collaborate with our children, then that helps them to be on board with us. and to participate in the changes that are happening and the things that we need to see from them, they're more likely to be a part of that and to be cooperative and compliant. I don't know if that's a great word, but, um, they're more likely to work together with us rather than working against us. So instead of having to drag them along behind us, they're actually walking alongside us and we get to work as a team. Um, so anytime we can ask kids, what do you think? How do you feel? How do you see this? Any ideas for how we can do this and just really asking them what their ideas are. Most of the time they come back with like some fabulous things that you're like, Oh, I'm definitely going to use that. That's amazing, right? And just letting them know that, again, every single brain on this planet wants to feel seen, heard, and understood. So even if it's the case that you don't use their ideas, Usually, that doesn't matter when they know that you're really hearing them, that you're really listening to them, and that you really care about their suggestions and ideas and thoughts and opinions, right? And, and again, in those moments, it's, that's where bonding and connection is born. That

Lindsey: 45:44

reminds me of when we were, knew that we were like, okay, I think we're, done traveling because we were like, we were feeling that, but then we could just tell that everyone was feeling that, you know, when we like could have powered through to be like, we're going to do this really like Jack or Eli being like, I don't really want to get on another plane and listening to that and being like, that's actually valuable information was so important, you know, to be like, it is our decision and everyone is

Erica: 46:18

involved. Right. Right. Yeah. And, and the fact that you're able so, to so clearly communicate that to your children tells them that in the future, when they come to you with their thoughts and feelings, that you are going to hear them and that you are going to be able to work together with them to help them make the next best step. Again, that's where trust is born. It's all these little micro moments of, I see you, I hear you, I understand, and even if I don't agree with you, we are going to find a way to work together on this. And that you are not alone in this. We are together in this.

Britt: 46:59

It's so valuable.

Lindsey: 47:00

Yeah, yeah, I was, we are trying a school and now we're trying a new school or we're going to switch to a new school. And in this process, just in the last few weeks, like they don't want to change just because it's another change. You know what I mean? Even though the place that they're at right now. Isn't the best place for them and just to totally not be a part of like what I used to would have done what it would have done is said, this is what's happening like, you know, I know and just to flip it all around and be like, tell me what you like about it. Let's talk about what the other place has and then like, let's remember a time when something similar happened. And we did change and it ended up being better. And having those conversations and then they're like, oh. Yeah. And I'm like, Oh yeah, it helps me also to be like, we've done this before. We've been here. And it was great. Yeah. Like, and we knew what to do. Yeah.

Erica: 48:05

Again, Lindsay, gosh, what an incredible example of ways that you are intuitively developing your children's emotional intelligence. So often. Adults think that emotional intelligence or common sense is common and that you just should know, again, there's that damn flag, right, that you should know it, you should just get it, but that's not how it happens. Emotional intelligence is developed, it's grown, it's strengthened, just like IQ intelligence, right? But kids get it from watching their most important caregivers problem solve with them. Right? So in that moment, you were taking it step by step with them. Remember when this happened, what did that feel like? This is how this can apply to this situation, right? Like, those things are not always intuitive. Seeing how to actually think through a problem is how we gain critical thought processing skills. And what a beautiful way you were able to illustrate and model that with your children. Here are the steps, and this is how you can think through it. So now they'll actually know the next time they come up against a problem of how to walk through those steps for themselves and hopefully get to that. Yeah. Right? And what they'll also know is, if I can't get through these steps, I know someone that can. So let me go find my mom. Let me go find my dad. That's a trusted source.

Lindsey: 49:41

Yeah.

Britt: 49:42

Awesome. And that leads us to a question that I really wanted to make sure that we get to before we run out of time. How has becoming a parent influenced the way you work?

Erica: 49:52

Oh man, so many ways. So many ways, y'all. I thought I knew before I became a parent. I, I really had 20 years of experience in the field. This is the thing that I've always wanted to do. I, you know, started off as a caregiver in my teens and, you know, just never stopped working with kids and families from, from there on. Um, and I really thought I knew. I waited till I was 39 to have my first Baby. And, um, I just felt like I had so much experience and knowledge and, you know, just spoke from this place of just feeling really secure in my knowledge. And then I had my son and I was like, I don't fucking know anything. It was like, the more I see, the less I know, right? Like, and it just gave me this humility, I think, um, and an even deeper understanding. I think before I thought I knew that. a formula of a way. Um, and then after I had Shaw, I was like, there's no formula, there is no one way. And I think it really rooted me even more in this belief that I carry today, that there is just no one size fits all. There are a million different ways to get to the same place and all of those ways are valid. All of those ways are beautiful. Right? And it just depends on what works for you. And so I think that that's really the thing that changed when I became a mother was just being comfortable in the, I don't know, but let's find out. Let's hold hands. Let's walk through it. Let's figure out what it looks like for you because it looks different for me than it does for you or you or you, right? It's, it's, and that's the beautiful thing about it is the comparison game and parenting is like really a feudal. thing. And I just love to encourage parents in knowing that it is beautiful your way. Whatever way that unravels is beautiful and it will be different from your neighbor or your best friend or your parents or, right? It's nice to be able to sit in that place where you just know that It's gonna look your way, and that's beautiful and wonderful and so valuable, um, and that just kind of, at least for me, gives me this like internal sense of peace that it doesn't have to be a certain way, doesn't have to look a certain way, and being open to whatever way that flows.

Lindsey: 52:21

Right. And you mentioned intuition. Um, and I just think that, well, maybe I released the first four years of my parenting experience. Like I wasn't tapped into my intuition necessarily. I mean, I was in some ways, but now I have a way stronger sense of it. And so I think that's an important part. And intuition does look different for everyone, but just like having a relationship with intuition and being able to differentiate. the how you said like fear, vulnerability, and then intuition is like a third. Yeah. Because there might be some like really real intuition. It might have some confusion, but it doesn't necessarily for me. Like, have that fear. Right. That's normally when I'm like, oh, I'm actually just, my nervous system is dysregulated. That's not intuition. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah. So, like, how do you work with your own intuition as a parent?

Erica: 53:21

I live in the place where I feel like every single emotion that comes up for me around parenting is data. It's data. It's information. Um, it's letting me know what feels good to me as a mom. And what doesn't feel good. Alright, um, and I continue to just really work on developing awareness of those micro moments of emotions as they come up and trying my best to just notice the data that's coming up in my body for me. Because those are always signals for what's the next best step for me and for my family. And it's the moments when I kind of, like, don't pay attention to those micro moments, that, that data and information just continues to come up with more and more intensity until I decide to pay attention to it. And so, I've just kind of learned along the way that the faster I can recognize that, the better off I am. And, and kind of the, easier or more smoothly, those next steps can go when I, when I can hear that information when it first happens rather than when it has to become an intense.

Lindsey: 54:39

Yeah, like let it be a whisper, not a wrecking ball, hopefully. And

Erica: 54:43

to your point, I do feel like when intuition comes up for me, it's a very quiet knowingness where I just feel rooted. I feel like it's not an argument. It's, it's neutral, right? It's not intense in, in, in either of the ways. It's not intensely exciting or happy or, you know, and it's not intensely fearful or sad or it's, it's very much in that middle place of, this is it, you know, it's kind of quiet. It's kind of quiet. And sometimes you can use those really quiet pieces, right? Because they're so quiet.

Lindsey: 55:19

Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you haven't cultivated. Like the knowing with the other pieces, like if you don't have a relationship with your nervous system or with your thinking mind, you know, if your thinking mind is always kind of running the show, then they'll be like, and now

Erica: 55:36

off to the right, exactly. It can get really loud in there, right. And busy, which again, brings me back to the importance of breath. I just. Cannot overstate how important that is. That's the first thing that we do when we come into this world. And the last thing that we do when we leave and having a relationship with our breath is to have a relationship with your nervous system is to have a relationship with your feelings with the data that's going on inside of you and, um, coming back to a regular, for me, coming back to a regular practice of breath every single day, just starts me off in having that really good connection with myself and with that wealth of information and knowledge that's there for me in every single moment. So yeah, I, I, I think. having having that relationship with your breath really helps you to just like tune into that intuition tune into those feelings as they're coming up and not miss those micro moments of you know, emotion and information that's happening for you all the time. It's such a beautiful thing.

Britt: 56:45

Well, I, I suspected that we would probably want to do a second interview with you after this and now it's become very apparent that we have to. Um, With that being said, can you give the listeners a piece of homework, just something small to work on before our next interview?

Erica: 57:05

A piece of homework. Okay. One of my favorite pieces of homework is the seven breath exercise. So seven, one, one in and out breath counts as one. If you can do seven of those, that equals one minute and it takes one minute. To restart your nervous system. So my, my offering to listeners is to practice. Noticing your breath for seven in and out breaths and noticing how that changes your internal status with just seven mindful breaths. Ooh, that's

Britt: 57:43

exciting. I'm gonna do that.

Lindsey: 57:44

Yeah, it's so simple.

Erica: 57:46

It's so simple and you can take it anywhere, right? When we talk to parents about self care, self care, take care of yourself, right? So many parents are like, I have three kids, four kids, when do I have time for that? Right? But everyone has one minute. Everyone has one minute. Close your door in the bathroom, sit down on the toilet, take your seven breaths, right, and just notice how that changes your approach to your children. Notice how that, more importantly, changes your approach with yourself, right? Because that's always the place to start. When we are taking good care of ourselves, then we can have an even wider bandwidth, everything else that we need to take care of in our lives, right? It always starts with us first.

Lindsey: 58:30

It takes it all the way back to that self compassion piece. All the

Erica: 58:33

way back to that, yes. I mean, I feel like I'm a broken record with this self care, self care, self compassion, take care of yourself, but I, it's just, to me, the place where we start and end. If you are

Britt: 58:46

taking good. Yeah. I feel like that's been coming up a lot in, in all of our episodes

Erica: 58:50

lately. Yeah. Yeah. If you are taking good care of yourself, then you can show up and be present for the other people in your life. If you are not doing well, if you are running low, then there is no way that you can care. Well, for other people, you just are running low. Right? Right. It's like if we don't change the oil in our car, then the car's gonna be broken down on the side of the road. Right. There's a certain amount of maintenance required in driving a car. There is a certain amount of maintenance required in caring for your human body. And I think we forget about that a lot, right? It's so easy to just sidestep that. And it's just. It's kind of crazy when you think about it, you know, we have to care for ourselves well so that we can show up and be present in all the ways that we want to be. And so in that self care is the opposite of being selfish. It is a necessity. It is a non negotiable.

Lindsey: 59:48

And like, self care can be so simple and really and real self care is so simple. Again, we get, we can get sold this like. That self care means like going to the spa every week, and for a lot of people it can. Sure. And also can just be like, you said one minute, it could be like, I'm going to get up 15 minutes earlier. Right. Or once everyone's asleep in my house, I'm going to like take 30, 15, 30 minutes and like make that part intentional and the way we find those micro moments. Right. 100%. Because not everyone has a nanny. Not everyone has, and, and absolutely everyone that has a name, nanny. Rock it. Awesome. Like do that too. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. And if you don't, it doesn't mean that you don't have anything. Right. It means you weave it in. Right.

Erica: 1:00:36

It means you're intentional with it. Right? It's the energy that you bring to the activity that you're doing, no matter how big or how small, how inexpensive or expensive, right? It's not really about any of those. pieces of it. It's really about what is your intention and and what, what are you bringing into this moment of care, right? Like any healthy self care thing can be turned into a kind of a negative, thing, right? Like, exercising is healthy for us, unless you're exercising with this mentality of like, internally beating yourself up, right? Um, so yeah, it's all about intention and it's all about compassion, compassion for yourself, being kind to yourself and treating yourself like you would a newborn baby or a toddler, right? With that same love and care. Because we're just big people with tiny kids inside of us, right? That child never goes away. And how can you meet yourself in those same tender, loving ways that you would someone that's vulnerable and small?

Lindsey: 1:01:44

So well put. Yeah, we need to have another conversation that's just about re parenting parents,

Erica: 1:01:50

you know? Well, I am here for it. Podcast number two. Yeah, we'll

Lindsey: 1:01:53

do it. Exactly, exactly. I do want to ask you in this last part of our talk, is there away. Is there something new that's brewing for you? Like another starting over that you can kind of sense or that you just are dreaming about?

Erica: 1:02:11

Well, it's funny. Um, I've been actually dreaming about having my own podcast, which you guys are the perfect people to talk and talk to about this. And I've had it on my mind to see if I can schedule a time to, to talk with you guys about it because I would love to start something that's like for my dynamic parents out there. Um, and having these. conversations with parents like you guys, um, that have found ways that really work for them. I would love to share those stories of just challenging times raising a family and how you met those needs for yourself and for your children. Um, because I just love hearing those stories and they're so... There's so many beautiful parenting stories out there that I've heard over the years. And again, there's just no one size fits all. And I think it's so validating for other parents to hear, um, how you navigated a struggle and how you came through on the other side. Right? Like I think all of those things are tiny, beautiful starting over moments that the world needs to hear and that should be shared.

Lindsey: 1:03:15

Yeah, we need, it's like this, like the most important aspect of community, you know, like Thinking of a podcast or whatever you're sharing, it's like we're sitting around the fire saying like, this is what it's like for me. Yes. And then that fills me up and I'm like, okay, I can do it now too. Yes.

Erica: 1:03:32

I love that. I love that illustration of that. It just. We do. We miss that. And, and those little tribal communities where you would sit together around the fire and, and, you know, share your experience and learn from one another. And, and I think that's a beautiful thing that we get from podcasts now is to be able to, you know, vicariously take and harvest that information and apply it to navigating our own world. So I'm so grateful to you guys for. sharing your experience. It really is such medicine, um, and so valuable. And I'm so appreciative of you guys. I feel like I'm close with you all the time, even though I don't get to see you all the time. So just appreciate your work and what you're putting out into the world so much. It's, it's really such an incredible, wonderful thing. Thank you for all

Lindsey: 1:04:21

you're doing. Thank you so much. And truly for everyone listening. Erica was like foundational in our starting over from when I first met her three years ago and then started working with her for my own parenting journey and then Brit and I started doing it together. And it can't be overstated that like you were such an important piece and we wouldn't be sitting here right now if we hadn't like got clear and got compassionate, like first step for real. And been like, Got intentional, compassionate, and aware of what we wanted our parenting journey to look like. So you are so important.

Britt: 1:05:01

And how can our listeners find you?

Erica: 1:05:03

Um, I am all over the socials. You can find me at The Dynamic Child on Facebook and Instagram. Or Erica underscore Thomason is my personal Instagram and Facebook account where I post. Post all things therapeutic and parenting and loving yourself and loving each other well. You can find me also at my website, thedynamicchild. com.

Lindsey: 1:05:28

Amazing. Do you have two more minutes for questions from Eli and Jack or do

Erica: 1:05:32

you have to go? No, I do. I have two more minutes. Okay.

Lindsey: 1:05:35

Okay. Cause we like to end with questions for me, from Eli and Jack and I made sure to ask him this morning. So, and they're always random. Yay. I

Erica: 1:05:44

love Eli and Jack questions. Yes. Yeah.

Lindsey: 1:05:47

So first, first from Jack, what do you think will happen in Frozen 3? Ooh, good question.

Erica: 1:05:56

What's going to happen in Frozen 3? Man. Well, I think there's going to be some awesome songs. And there's definitely going to be some magical happenings, which I love. Magic is incredible. And I think Elsa and Anna are just going to continue to deepen their connection and their love for one another, and they're going to find awesome ways to work together. I love that about those two. Good answer.

Lindsey: 1:06:23

It's a perfect answer. Yeah. So

Britt: 1:06:26

Eli wants to know, how are solar panels made? Oh my

Lindsey: 1:06:29

gosh. Eli. And you can make it up. They prefer made up answers. Just so you know. How

Erica: 1:06:37

are solar panels made? Well, one day someone collected a ton of aluminum cans. And they spread them all out flat, and they put them on top of their house, and they realized that that could harness the energy of the sun and power a whole house or a city or a whole world. So yeah, that's how it happened. Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, and Coke cans.

Lindsey: 1:07:05

Yeah. Perfect. Oh, you're amazing.

Erica: 1:07:11

You guys are amazing. You guys are magic. I love you guys. Thank you so much for having me today. This has just been such a pleasure and it's just really an honor to, to be a part of your process and to watch you guys navigate your world and, and all the ways that you do. It's just really inspiring and motivating and, um, just fills me with so much hope and love and and energy for my life. So thank you for being a part of my world. Love you guys.

Lindsey: 1:07:39

Thank you so much.