Wayne | S1 Ep9 Part3 "Thought We Was Friends"

WAYNE ON YOUTUBE

The Tedcast is a deep dive podcast exploring the masterpieces that are Ted Lasso on Apple TV+ and Wayne on YouTube.

Sponsored by Pajiba and The Antagonist, join Boss Emily Chambers and Coaches Bishop and Castleton as they ruminate on all things AFC Richmond.

Boss Emily Chambers
Coach Bishop
Coach Castleton

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:22

Welcome to our Ted Lasso talk, the Tedcast. Welcome all Greyhound fans, welcome all you sinners from the dog track and all the AFC Richmond fans around the world. It's the Lasso way around these parts with Coach, coach and Boss, without further ado, coach Castleton.

Speaker 2: 0:39

Welcome back. Beautiful people, hello friends and hello buttercups. Beautiful people, hello friends and hello buttercups. Uh, we are coming today from uh, we are coming at you from a place where uh, uh coach is uh in absentia. Um, he is traveling to see his, he's traveling to see his daughter perform and so just just, it's just the good boss and I, um, I am your host, coach castleton with me, as always, is um is boss.

Speaker 3: 1:05

I usually don't, I don't say it that way, usually so yeah, that's such a wild way to say coach isn't here. You used a lot of words to get to I am loquacious, I am verbose we're coming, we're coming to you from a place. Well, I was gonna say I'm gonna start with well here's.

Speaker 2: 1:21

Here's what it is. Yeah, we're coming to you from a place of longing and forgetfulness. No, the thing is, paz is shaking her head. She doesn't like anything about this. She doesn't like the cut of my jib. She never has. Jib is bad. No, we were just talking offline. I said we got to hit record.

Speaker 2: 1:42

I have children home from college. I'm the father of four. For those joining us for the first time, my oldest he is a theoretical physicist smartest person I've ever met in my life does not function in normal society. I'm not sure he's not an alien, I think he's mine. But I asked him. I said I said we're gonna jump on the podcast. I want you to vacuum out the car for me. He's like cool, he's such a good kid. He's like okay. And so I gave. I brought out the wet, dry vac and the extension cord and then, as I was making a cup of coffee, he said oh, yeah, it's not turning on. And I was like yeah, he's like, yeah, I plugged it in the extension cord, but he did not check the. I was like what about the, the, uh, the origin and the, the plug of the extension, the power?

Speaker 2: 2:29

the power source, the business side of the uh, of the cord, as it were. And oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then boss started. He's also I know where you're going with this boss. I love this because he also, like, looks at me like he's like when I say, hey, did you make your? He's like. When I say, hey, did you make your bed, he's like okay, so arbitrarily flatten a warmth implement. For what reason? So that I mess it up? He's right about that. Tell me about Craig.

Speaker 3: 2:59

Oh, I told him I needed to get my car washed and he said why?

Speaker 2: 3:03

Craig is who for people joining us for the first time, craig is the boyfriend. Yeah, craig is the boyfriend. Yeah, craig is a boyfriend, my boyfriend.

Speaker 3: 3:08

No, I don't, at least not to the best of my knowledge.

Speaker 2: 3:11

I think mine but I know mine, I don't know for sure Not yours.

Speaker 3: 3:17

That would be wild.

Speaker 2: 3:19

That would be a whole other podcast.

Speaker 3: 3:21

A whole different thing. Um, also, when I say the boyfriend we've been dating for 18 years, but no marriage, no kids, no, uh, as, as natalie main said, ain't no ring, no mortgage. There are any obligations, um, anyway. So I was telling him only 18 years yeah, only 18 years.

Speaker 3: 3:39

Uh, our, our relationship could vote is a creepy thing. That I said to him one time and then he got mad Wow, uh-huh. I told him I needed to get my car washed and he said why? And I said I'd just been camping and it was just gross and you know, muddy and stuff. And he was like that doesn't make any sense. And I said do you never wash your car? And he said no and I said you've really never washed your car and he was like I don't know, if I had a car interview maybe then I would get it, but otherwise, no A car interview, yeah a car interview.

Speaker 2: 4:10

Like a job interview, but for cars.

Speaker 3: 4:12

Kind of, but for some reason your car is involved. If it was like a horse and pony show, but with a car he wouldn't join, he wouldn't actually get involved in that.

Speaker 2: 4:22

So it sounds it sounds crazy, but all he's doing, as the father of of umpteen kids, either on the spectrum or spectrum adjacent, uh, all he's doing is using the transitive property to throw our own rationale back at us. Yes, which which I don't like, I don't appreciate. Don't be that smart all the time.

Speaker 3: 4:40

Thank you very much it's kind of my favorite thing, I um mentioned to it's. It's really fun. I mentioned to uh, one of my friends, that he says things in very interesting ways. Uh, for instance, once he told me that he doesn't like sourdough bread. Uh, because it's like a headache in your throat. What he actually did was that he pointed at himself. He said it gives me a headache right here, and pointed at his adam's apple headache. Um, also over the weekend we watched dune 2.

Speaker 2: 5:09

Oh, nice, yeah, you paid for it then yeah, I, I didn't mind that you didn't, you didn't mind that. Yeah, we've been really been super cheap. Juliana wants to see it and we go, we look and we're like, oh, 24.99 to rent and 29.9999 to buy. No, two kids in college?

Speaker 3: 5:25

No, thank you. This is why I don't have kids. No, it's fine, but we watched it and we were talking about it afterwards. I don't love what's his face.

Speaker 2: 5:34

Timmy Chablis His real name is not that. I think he's fine, I just I really like him. I'm the other way, I'm the other way, I'm very I'm defensive about him. I think he's good and I like him and I think he gets. I think he's wafey and so he gets a bad, bad shake gets short shrift, because he's a little little twinkie kind of thing.

Speaker 3: 5:50

I think, yeah, I think, maybe I'm, I feel like I'm too old for him, like I feel like I I need to put a cap on him and send him to bed Like he's very, very small to me.

Speaker 2: 6:05

Okay, I actually have a theory about that. Okay, so this is the thing Wait, actually finish your story and then we'll come, because I have a theory about this.

Speaker 3: 6:14

Well, actually it goes along with what you're saying, because the boyfriend said about him he kind of reminds me of if Lip Gallagher was jeremy ellen white from the bear, he's like uh, if lip gallagher were spiritually vegan, that's who? That's who? Uh, that's timmy chow may is that's funny and I was like that's, yeah, that's pretty accurate.

Speaker 2: 6:36

That's, that is what it is. Wait, craig said this yeah, that's good yeah, spiritually vegan.

Speaker 3: 6:41

Spiritually vegan might tell this. That is really funny. I'm not sure what it means, but I really like. Yeah, spiritually vegan. Spiritually vegan by itself is funny to me.

Speaker 2: 6:46

That is really funny.

Speaker 3: 6:48

I'm not sure what it means, but I really like it.

Speaker 2: 6:50

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 6:52

Yeah, so that's Timmy. That's how I feel about him.

Speaker 2: 6:54

So I think you're tapping into something when you say you're too old for him or whatever. Did you say you're too old? Is that the?

Speaker 3: 7:00

word. I'm too old for him. Yeah, he's too little.

Speaker 2: 7:01

I don't want to put words in that no, no, no, no, no, that's it. But I know it's like a. You know it's because what is in vogue generationally changes as a reaction to what your parents found. You know what I mean. So it's like you know, the things that Gen X or millennials may have found attractive has now shifted to a different type of thing. And then you know, you feel, out of at least I, I'm like, really Like some of the people, that that are are labeled as conventionally attractive by a different generations. I'm like, is that, is that true Really? So you guys, you all, like collectively, you've all decided that that's the huh.

Speaker 3: 7:38

We're doing. We're doing handlebar mustaches. That's what we're doing Handlebar mustaches.

Speaker 2: 7:46

Okay, handlebar mustaches. That's what we're doing. Handlebar mustaches, okay. I mean I guess I don't know if that counts. I think that might be something else. I don't I've seen. I just think like the iconic.

Speaker 3: 7:53

I've seen youngers do it. I don't know exactly what that means, but I know that they're younger than me and they have that facial hair.

Speaker 2: 7:59

I know that my kids will look at me and be like so explain toby mcguire, just try to explain it to me and I go well, no, it's not like he was like, uh, he wasn't George Clooney, but he, you know, he could command, he could open films, like he could really good actor and he's got some range and you know he can do everything from. Pleasantville to Spider-Man and in and and and everything. Uh, they're in between and they're like, but like, explain the pussy posse, or whatever I'm like oh yeah, no well I can't explain that?

Speaker 2: 8:27

I'm like I don't know. No, they're like explain entourage.

Speaker 3: 8:30

You know, they just start to peel away at things and I'm like you know what they're right about that yeah they are right about that. They're right about entourage. Entourage is I don't care for it, um, but yeah, I feel like, uh, the reason for to for Tobey Maguire was we didn't know about Jake Gyllenhaal yet, and then, once we got Jake Gyllenhaal, we just slid him into all of the roles that Tobey Maguire would ever have for the rest of his life.

Speaker 2: 8:54

Is that what happened?

Speaker 3: 8:56

That's what happened with me.

Speaker 2: 8:57

That's what happened.

Speaker 3: 8:58

And Jake Gyllenhaal is still out there doing Roadhouse 2.

Speaker 2: 9:02

Cutting people off. He once cut in front of a friend of mine at Le Pan Quotidien in LA because he was Jake Gyllenhaal and he thinks he didn't have to wait in line.

Speaker 2: 9:15

One of the things I always liked about Clint Eastwood is that when he was directing a film he would get in line. You know you have a set and then everybody has to eat and you break for lunch and meals and things like that. Sometimes it and then everybody has to eat and you know you break for lunch and meals and things like that. Sometimes it's dinner, depending on when you're shooting and generally the assist, the director's assistant or you know the, the sort of higher-ups producers, directors uh, talent, talent, the a-list talent are they called above the line talent generally does not eat and mass with the grips and the and the cappers and things and um. But one.

Speaker 2: 9:46

One thing I was like about Clint Eastwood is I I was never on set with Clint Eastwood but I know I heard that he would just get in line, like like lunch pail kind of guy and Was it, didn't feel he was more important. I think that's great and it says a lot about his preparation, because usually those are Like when everyone it's also. Those are like when everyone it's also. It's like a luxury on a set where you're like, oh, you guys actually get to eat, because I'm the director and I'm shitting blood rewriting a scene as sure my assistant holds out a leaf of lettuce for me. To you know what I mean? That's really what happens on most, uh, most productions, um, but yeah, no, I do like the, the everyman concept, um, I don't know how we got there. I've've already ADHD'd to.

Speaker 3: 10:26

Jake Gyllenhaal cut in front of your friend.

Speaker 2: 10:28

He cut in line in front of my friend.

Speaker 3: 10:31

Oh, but who was it that was rude to John Mulaney at a Lakers game? It's somebody Me. No, no, no, no, no, no no. That was a Saturday Night Live bit from Weekend Update. Andy Garcia who was rude to me at a Lakers game? It was. John Mulaney and Pete Davidson had gone to see the Mule and they were talking about how insane it was.

Speaker 2: 10:52

I remember that who was rude?

Speaker 3: 10:53

to me at a.

Speaker 2: 10:54

Lakers game yeah.

Speaker 3: 10:58

But anyway, maybe Jake Gyllenhaal didn't realize. Maybe Jake Gyllenhaal had John Hamm disease from 30 Rock. He was in the bubble. He's only been treated as the beautiful man that he's been his entire life.

Speaker 2: 11:09

He is gorgeous, extremely attractive.

Speaker 3: 11:14

The opposite of how I feel about Timmy Chablis. He's neither too small nor too young for me.

Speaker 2: 11:20

I just think he's a better actor than people give him credit, for I genuinely think that have you seen him in Little Women. He was good Like he was good. I still haven't seen Little Women and people like him. And it's like if Flo Pugh thinks you're good people, I think you're good people.

Speaker 3: 11:33

I don't think. Listen, this is not the thing. I think, actually, you know what this is hilarious, stinking, that one of the things. Thank you for that, by the way, I was. Yeah, I meant it. You've been very stinky in previous recordings. That's not how this works, you're smelling something else.

Speaker 2: 11:52

Gotcha, when did your children come back from college? Because you can't blame this on me, it's not them. I'm alone in a room, it's not them oh, okay, well, I hate to say it, I think.

Speaker 3: 11:59

I think I found the culprit I, I'm pretty sure we just stumbled on that. So I was literally just in the shower Thinking that Sometimes the reason that I come across so abrasive or harsh or brash I guess Would be the best way of me Is that Somebody will say something about somebody, and it is again Craig saying oh, the Cubs are bad at baseball. What's wrong with the Cubs this year? Oh, they're bad at baseball, I'm sure. Oh, the Cubs are bad at baseball. What's wrong with the Cubs this year? Oh, they're bad at baseball. I'm sure they're great people, but they're bad at baseball.

Speaker 2: 12:30

That's why they're not doing well. Puts a little limitation on their job, yeah right.

Speaker 3: 12:33

So I'm sure Timmy Chablis is great. He hangs out with Saoirse Ronan and Florence Pugh and Greta Gerwig, like I haven't heard any complaints about him. I'm sure I don't care though I. There's something about him where I'm like you're a little puppet man, you're not entirely, you're not a full grown boy yet I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 2: 12:55

Okay, but see, doesn't. Isn't doesn't it say more about you than Timmy Chablis?

Speaker 3: 13:05

okay, good, I just want to.

Speaker 2: 13:06

I want to blame you, because what I'm saying is, like your perception of what a man should be might be playing into the patriarchy is all I'm saying might be playing into this an outdated perception of masculinity where there's a certain weight limit and you know, people will say I know, coach, would coach, I think coach? Well, no, coach would not back me up here because you and it would be, and me and he would just blindly say whatever you said was right he's a gutless coward. But I don't know. Men come in all shapes and sizes and this is one of the things that we're contending with, I think.

Speaker 3: 13:38

What I like so much is that when we got onto this, you said we're going to breeze right through the end of Wayne, and now we're 10 minutes deep and we haven't mentioned the show once.

Speaker 2: 13:47

What is this, wayne, that you speak of?

Speaker 3: 13:50

We'll get to that, but here's the thing. So I didn't say Timmy Chablis needs to be more manly or taller or more mature or have a weight limit. I said that's what I like. I said that is what I prefer In a man, in a man, in a man, but it's still my preference.

Speaker 2: 14:08

Where does it come from? Who cares? Is Craig a big strapping? Is he Popeye?

Speaker 3: 14:14

No, no, no, no, no. I mean he was a sailor man, but other than that, no, absolutely not.

Speaker 2: 14:19

He was a sailor man, he was in the Navy.

Speaker 3: 14:26

No, of course, fucking not. I'm making shit up. Was he in the? What did he? He's never been in the ymca, oh god, no, he's been in the country club. That that should tell you something. All right, so but listen this is like a hypothetical.

Speaker 2: 14:35

I just I'm just saying I think this is a very common refrain when people discuss timothy chalamet. Now it, when you have an accent aigu or an accent grave, I always get them wrong. They're Incas and Aztecs to me. It's terrible to say, but I always forget which one is which. But accent grave, whatever it is, doesn't he have, isn't it Timotei or something like that? He's got a.

Speaker 3: 14:55

French, I don't know, I can't call him that. I will.

Speaker 2: 15:06

That's fine, timothy, timothy.

Speaker 3: 15:07

Whatever it is, that's where it has an defeat quality to it that makes makes it mockable. And then then you meet him, and he's 11 pounds ringing wet and you go.

Speaker 2: 15:11

Oh man, he's I didn't mock him I said I don't care for it no, no, no, you didn't say, but you intimated right, his whole thing, his vibe his vibe is not for me, you would recast him into a more masculine I would let him do whatever he wants and I would like if I said take every if I said, take every timothee uh accent grove, uh or aigu uh character or role and and give it to pablo schreiber, you'd say yes, yes no, I know I wouldn't say that at all because he, pablo Schreiber, could not be in Little Women.

Speaker 3: 15:46

Am I going to watch Halo because Pablo Schreiber is there?

Speaker 2: 15:48

yes, I would like to see Master Chief Timmy Chalamet as Master Chief. I mean, that was Dune was it not?

Speaker 3: 15:54

that was Dune. That's what it came down to.

Speaker 2: 15:58

Master Chief with um with vegan sensibility. What was the thing?

Speaker 3: 16:02

uh sensibilities. No vegan spirituality spirit spiritually vegan.

Speaker 2: 16:07

Yeah, spiritually vegan, master. Spiritually vegan. Surgery is is the heir to house of treaties.

Speaker 3: 16:12

I would you like doom to don't don't spoil it for me no, no, I never spoil, I I did yes did you, I did, I'm not gonna, I'm I'm not gonna stand in line for the third journey, but it was good.

Speaker 2: 16:24

Okay. Did you happen to acquire one of those sex buckets for?

Speaker 3: 16:30

you and.

Speaker 2: 16:31

Craig to.

Speaker 3: 16:33

You know what? Both of my sisters listen to this and they're really upset right now that you said sex buckets and Craig that closely to each other in a sentence.

Speaker 2: 16:40

I'm attracted to them. I like the sound of the boy. That's what I'm saying no.

Speaker 3: 16:44

No, the popcorn buckets that are supposed to be the sandworms.

Speaker 2: 16:48

Yeah, for those who don't know what the hell Coach is talking about. And Coach did me.

Speaker 3: 16:52

It's rough.

Speaker 2: 16:53

There's like this yeah, there are these popcorn buckets with, I mean, I don't even know how to describe this there's a hole in the middle it's already said. It's already said. I mean, I can't describe it another way and around the hole, rimming the hole, as it were, are Wow, I saw you drinking. I took a shot. Kit took a shot. That's the show.

Speaker 3: 17:12

I saw you with a straw in your mouth and I said, let's see if I can get a spit take yeah hole are a number of um uh plastic, plasticine, uh project projections or there are little plastic things that stick out that are supposed to be the worm's teeth, and then you reach your hand in and grab the popcorn and pull it out through the worm mouth and you're supposed to eat it. And it doesn't make any fucking sense, especially because they already make you put your hand in that box. For the the fear test, you could have just had a square shaped popcorn box. You could have just given them the fear box filled with popcorn.

Speaker 2: 17:54

See, this is like a. I feel like it's people didn't see crawl. Have you ever seen crawl? No, no, no, it's not crawl, sorry. No, no, it's not Krull, sorry.

Speaker 3: 18:03

Wait, is it Krull? I don't know, I don't know it's.

Speaker 2: 18:04

Krull or Flash Gordon.

Speaker 2: 18:06

I think it's Flash Gordon Once upon a time these are old movies and no one remembers them, movies from my childhood but there was a thing which is like a test of manhood I think it was manhood or worthiness, some kind of thing You'd have to stick your head, not your whole arm, into this stump and had all these different holes and there was supposedly some sort of creature, venomous creature, in the middle and if you pick the wrong hole to stick your arm in, I boy phrasing's um, yeah, out the window, but um, you would then be bitten and if you pulled out in your hand, you pull, you'd retract your arm and go, ah, and then someone would the guard or whoever pull out his sword and then and then put you kill you immediately because it would be a fate. You know that would be a sympathy to and um, can't believe I'm getting krull and flash gordon.

Speaker 3: 18:55

I yeah, I'm also. I don't understand this test whatsoever. This is like hey, pick a hole, either you'll die or you're a man that, if anything, that I mean, you just summed up a lot of things us that just I don't. We'll need to go back and watch it, I will tell you for sure. Um, I don't think I've seen flash gordon. I definitely have heard about it. I think that one time my dad told me something about that movie and also buckaroo bonsai and the fifth dimension, yeah he loved that movie and I watched it once and it's straight trash yeah it is I.

Speaker 3: 19:33

I am so angry that he is dead because I want to yell at him about what a stupid fucking movie that was and why would you watch it and also, why would you ever tell anybody to watch it?

Speaker 2: 19:42

it's extremely bad there's a lot of movies like that and they're so formative when you're young. Buckaroo Bonsai, one of my friends, really loved it. I don't know if I've ever seen it or if I tried it and didn't get through. I don't remember.

Speaker 3: 19:54

It has a bunch of people that like it.

Speaker 2: 19:57

And he still quotes it to this day. But there's movies like the Ice Pirates pirates have you ever seen?

Speaker 3: 20:06

the ice pirates? No, or um you never seen the ice pirates? Wow, damn, go figure. Well, I was like really, excited.

Speaker 2: 20:09

Yeah, yeah, so good, it's so good. Gregory hines um. And then there was another one um young frankenstein, not young frankenstein not young, everybody's seen you? No, that's not it. It was another one. Um, I can't think of it now, um, anyway, but uh, yeah, there are these formative films and, uh, when you grow up in a world that has four television channels, uh, not all of which are in color, um, as as was the case when I was, what they were, but we didn't have a right, we didn't have a.

Speaker 2: 20:38

We did not own a color television. Uh, it was big time when we got a color television and you had to get up and change the dial and the knob. So you know, if you saw a film like that, it was, it was like it was no joke.

Speaker 3: 20:52

So yeah, it's better to be alive now.

Speaker 2: 20:55

They get their hooks in you. This is a great time to be alive. Lest anyone forget, this is a I. I never stop reminding people that when we were growing up or you know, once upon a time you would have, you would say like someday you'll be able to watch anything from your house, and people like, yeah, yeah, yeah right, like go fuck yourself, that's not gonna happen. And now you really can and it's all right at your fingertips and uh are all.

Speaker 2: 21:23

That's why people like me, collect obscure DVDs where I'm like. We talked about this. If I lose this it'll be hurtful.

Speaker 3: 21:33

And then I would need to find a working DVR, a DVD player. I mean, yeah, foxy, this is the thing I'm so. Dvd players are so far behind in technology that I already was replacing it with a different, already now default technology.

Speaker 2: 21:51

Yeah, our editor, our esteemed editor, luke Morey, who is a goddamn peach, I believe. He collects laser discs. Oh. Yeah, I believe Luke can correct me if I'm wrong, luke, once you listen to this, but I think he has a LaserDisc collection, which is like having a Betamax collection, but better.

Speaker 3: 22:14

An 8-track?

Speaker 2: 22:16

Yeah, something like that. Right, yeah, it's old technology Like Coach. By the way, I was thinking about Coach not being here. All technology Like Coach. By the way, I was thinking about Coach not being here. All technology Coach is. The goal was for Coach Bishop. For those of you who follow the podcast, you remember the beloved Coach Bishop. He ADHD'd. And ADHD is funny, the way it works works because he's so safe here. He knows he doesn't have to prioritize us, like we'll just love him, no matter what. But he's like you know we have to record in like eight minutes. He's like oh shit, I'm in, I'm in.

Speaker 3: 22:58

I'm in New York.

Speaker 2: 23:00

Oh, oh, is that right, coach, cause we were going to do part two of the rap battle thing.

Speaker 3: 23:07

Nope.

Speaker 2: 23:08

We're sure not. Yeah, I've been listening to the rap. For those of you who did not listen to the last episode, coach broke down this rap battle between Kendrick Lamar and Drake Absolutely fascinating. It has been doing great and and people love his, his take on it. Um, I love the song, not like us, uh, the one he turned us. Well, he talked about several of them, but that one is good.

Speaker 2: 23:38

But here's the thing once upon a time, I was a what I like to call a bigot and uh, just right, no, not really, but raised in a world where I was not aware of my own racism or misogyny or whatever. I'm still. I'm still. It's a constant uh fight to always, uh, be mindful of all that stuff and um. But but there was this thing that happened with me and coach where we were talking and I remember it was like probably for a few years ago anyway, and, and for those of you that heard the last episode, when he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I just got to say this word and I'm like my heart stopped. I'm like, oh, like a certain word that you know is a racial slur.

Speaker 3: 24:18

I think I think you're allowed to say the N word.

Speaker 2: 24:21

You can't say the N word, but you can say the N word. Ok, now listen, this is I'm glad you said that this is good, this is perfect. So coach said that on the last episode. He's like I got I don't know how to get around this, but I don't know. But we, I just got it, it's in the song, I got it, you know, I'm fine, I'm fine with him doing that. Um, but there was this thing that happened with him and I, where he's like you know, know what man, like I had said what you just said, that term and he, he, he, dis, uh, what's the word? Disabused me of the notion that that was also clean. Oh, sure, and it's like it's a, it is a mechanism for people to be able to say it without saying it. And he's like I would like you to not say it, okay, as me, just me. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 25:05

He's like.

Speaker 2: 25:05

I can't control what other people do, but you are my lover and my um. No, we're not lovers, but he's like you're. You and I are like brothers and I it bugs me when people say it. It bugs me when people say the term and I'll say it for this and he'll forgive me the n-word. People said the n-word. He's like it's. Just because we all know what you're saying when you say it and I don't like it. Yeah, and I think it's a cheat. So you'll notice I haven't said it on this podcast. I don't say it. I generally don't say. I just said it now, but coach will forgive me. Um and um, and so I've done a pretty good job of like, navigating my way around that and trying to be respectful. Um, if, if, for no other reason than my connection to one of the greatest people on the planet. Um and um, that coach bishop I mean, uh, also you boss, but I was speaking about coach bishop in that case. Um, and.

Speaker 2: 25:58

But now I'm in love with this song that I'm playing on a loop where that word is where the real word is, is, in the song, featured very prominently, and so when I'm singing it in my head, I'm, I'm like oh, it's this torturous thing where I'm like I can't, I, I don't like that. I'm um, you know that I'm just kind of, and it's fine, it's not what is, it's not the end of the world, I'm not doing, I'm not harming anybody, but I've like conditioned myself to sort of just not have that word in my life, kind of thing. So it's just, it's been this weird. It's just weird. It's weird for me.

Speaker 3: 26:32

Yeah, I mean I, I would actually be interested in talking to coach on that, only because, you know, one of the things that we talked about on one of the episodes of this show is that, uh, the terms moron and idiot and I can't remember the other one, but those were used to be, so I think so maybe something like that.

Speaker 3: 26:55

It used to be a term for, uh, different levels or severities of developmental delays, right, and then, of course, there started. We moved past that, supposedly, and we were like, oh, we're gonna use, and we call it the r word, which I don't like either, but like I'm also not going to say that word. So like, yeah, I.

Speaker 3: 27:17

I think that this is, uh, an ongoing problem with language is that there are terms that are used in order to discuss a thing where you don't want to use the term itself because of how offensive it is, but then the thing that was the term for the word becomes the thing that now we don't say. Like I said moron, because that's somehow been, uh, integrated into society enough that it feels like there's some distance, but I'm not going to say the R word because that's still so close that it's like, oh, no, no, no, that one is still not okay. So I would really be interested in hearing what he has to say on how that should be referred to, because if we said like, oh, it's that word, eventually that word is going to replace whatever it was that we were trying to not use because of how bad it is. So I'm not saying I will absolutely respect whatever he says. I would like to hear more about that from him.

Speaker 2: 28:14

Intent has a lot to do with it. So I forgive myself. I know I'm not. I know what I'm trying to do. I'm not Right, right right. There's no ill intent on my part. So you have to be realistic about what, um, you know what you're really. I mean, let's not go overboard. But when you're, when you're just conditioned in a certain way, you're like, yeah, I'm not, I'm not gonna I'm not telling, I incorporated my world.

Speaker 3: 28:33

But then it pops up in the slack this is, and you're singing it in your head. You're like yeah and you're like oh jesus, I'm not saying, I'm not even saying it out loud, it's just in my head that I'm bopping to and so whatever, but yeah no, no, yeah, no, I've been there before, it's just strange, that's all.

Speaker 2: 28:49

It's just a strange feeling.

Speaker 3: 28:51

Well, it's especially weird for me. I cannot pretend that I'm a rap fan at all. I do really like Megan Thee Stallion.

Speaker 2: 29:03

Megan.

Speaker 3: 29:03

Thee Stallion, megan Thee Stallion, megan Thee Stallion.

Speaker 2: 29:07

I like Megan Thee. Pegasus. I thought it was Thee. I like all the Megans. I like all of them. I like every, whatever they all are.

Speaker 3: 29:18

Not the one from Fox, whatever her name is, I forget her. The song Body, I fucking love it. I fucking love it so bad um. And she says some shit in there that like I I say the worst shit, including up into and including my mother, like I'll say disgusting things. And one time I was like there's a song. I can't tell you what it means or what it's about, or anything. It was wop and I was like I'm not telling you what it means or what it's about, or anything. It was wop and I was like I'm not telling you what that means. I can't wap, I'm not, I'm not filling you in on that if you want to, you can go look it up.

Speaker 3: 29:51

Yes, I'm not doing that anyway, but body like she says the wildest shit in there, uh, about how if she were herself, if she were not her, she would try to take herself home and go down on herself. She was like I'm so hot, if I saw me I'd try to fuck me, I would. She says all this shit and I'm like this is vile and disgusting and amazing and I love it. And then sometimes the, the word comes in and I like I need my brain to shut down when it's like I can't sing along with that. I have not even mentally. I gotta be like yeah, yeah, like I, I would have taken myself home, love me long. And then, and then the word comes up and I'm like nope, that, that's not it. I can't do that we, uh, we have.

Speaker 2: 30:35

We have a unbelievable knack for oppressing uh feminine sexuality and, um, god forbid, women have uh desires. I, I really want a quantum computer to tell us all that we've lost by repressing women's sexuality. You know, I want like a graphical readout, like a display, to be like okay, here's where you guys fucked up by doing this, you screwed yourself out of. I just want to see the graph, the whole chart. You know, because we're so good at it as a culture, you know, we're just like give me a break, it's well, and it's not.

Speaker 3: 31:04

As a culture, you know, we're just like give me a break, it's like I I god knows we can't get down this entire road because it'll take for fucking ever. But especially when like during the sort of beginning of me too when harvey weinstein and matt lauer and louis ck and kevin spacey and a few other people were like supposedly taken down as if this were, uh, you know, a mob mentality, going after some poor innocent man just because he was trying to do his job, instead of the natural consequences of their own actions. That's fine, fucking fine, whatever. There were specifically five women who louis ck had assaulted by masturbating in front of them, even though they said no, and that's not like the extent of what he did. There's also a whole bunch of, like workplace sexual harassment he did, but like in a position of power, he took advantage of people fucking sucks, um, but people were like man.

Speaker 3: 31:57

Well, now we're not going to get any more of his comedy like now. Now we've lost everything that he might have done over the next 20 or 30 years, and I'm like there are five women who said that they quit show business because of what he did. There are five careers that we don't have access to because of how we handle this shit. So if we're actually going to play this fucking game where we're like oh, maybe he had another great album in it. Well, maybe they outed it. Maybe they had 20 great albums. Yeah for sure, yeah, so yeah. Maybe they held it. Maybe they had 20 great albums yeah for sure, yeah, so yeah. It's everything. It's a whole fucking world.

Speaker 2: 32:29

We're going to change the topic. I get really pissed off about this. Like I remember reading something it wasn't Louis CK, but it was something about some guy or where it was like, okay, I don't even want to say I'm getting so mad. It's like when it's like when we talk about that dude sipping out of the ladle at what was it? A Whole Foods? He's just drinking out of the terrine and how it makes me literally crazy.

Speaker 2: 32:52

And this is all because I always talk about you say, oh, you feel comfortable if you feel safe when you know what the rules of engagement are. And with somebody like me, where the rules might fluctuate, it feels unsafe. Um, and and I say, oh well, with that I can identify the rule. That's why I feel so strongly about it. Um, but there was something I I don't even know, read or heard anecdotally about like a somebody controlling like a mic at a at a comedy, and I'm sure this is I'm saying is if, oh, this one time, no, I'm sure it's every comedy club over the years but it was like some man who controlled access to the mic and who wanted to get up there would have to perform sexual acts on him to get up there and I was like you know what I want to?

Speaker 2: 33:38

I go crazy. It makes me. I'm like how does that guy go to bed at night? How does he, after doing to one person you know what I mean like as if this, this transactional, was just what you got to do, like I'm like you're, you're vile, you know you're vile. So, anyway, I don't want to, I don't want to bring everybody down, but it makes me crazy. So, yes, um, let's not think of the fucking assholes who destroyed other lives. Let's think of, uh, what might have been for the, for the people who had it taken away from them yes, yeah, and god, we do need to change the subject.

Speaker 3: 34:14

We've already talked about it too much. We can't go that much further. But yeah, it's um. Somebody at one point said something on twitter. I, I'm sure, said something about like well, if feminists want sex work legalized, what's the problem with demanding that your secretary have sex with you? And I'm like, because you didn't hire a secretary In that case, you didn't hire a sex worker. You hired a secretary.

Speaker 3: 34:39

It's the same reason I wouldn't hire a plumber to do my taxes, because that's not the fucking job, because even in your terrible analogy, you don't understand what a job is.

Speaker 2: 34:50

Everyone's so crazy. Everyone's so crazy. Now they're so crazy. I remember all the stuff about the politicians. The beer test yeah, no, he's a politician, but would I want to have a beer with him. I'm like, do you use that for your plumber or for your like your accountant?

Speaker 3: 35:08

like what?

Speaker 2: 35:09

yeah, are you like well, I, this guy is the number one brain surgeon in the country, but I don't want to hang out with him, so I don't know, I don't know about that there are some politicians and I'm not going to mention any names because I don't want to get even more angry, but I'm like, start to go down the list of jobs you personally hold in less esteem, like whatever you. Some people say, oh, I don't have a high opinion of whatever. Someone who runs a laundromat, let's say all right, all right. Or I don't have a high opinion of. Uh, I'm making stuff, I'm not. I'm not disparaging anybody, but someone might say, oh, I don't think if you work at a toll booth, that's whatever, right.

Speaker 2: 35:42

And then go down some of these politicians that run for office right now go. Could that person do that job? Could this person be a toll booth operator? Could that person run a laundromat day-to-day, taking care of customers, emptying quarters or whatever it is these days? Right, you go. I'm just like I don't. What are the state? Anyway? It makes me people are so it's it. The only people that the only people that get it are, are our listeners and the buttercups, that's it.

Speaker 3: 36:09

Oh yeah, no, that's good, we have all the good people here. Good thing we're tamping down that tribalism.

Speaker 2: 36:17

Yeah right it's not us versus them. No, no, listen, there's hope, but sometimes, dear God. I want to take a second to say thank you Before we start into Wayne. I got the loveliest email and I just want to read it because I just love this person. I've said many, many times we ask people to subscribe because this is a loss. We don't make any money. We've never made any money. We've never. We've been doing this for years. Boss, how much have I paid you over the years, me? Yeah, how much have I, as the show creator, paid you?

Speaker 3: 37:01

in money. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to emphasize how much is, how much have? You made off the you um, I, I got, I got a t-shirt, I got the jerseys that we're wearing.

Speaker 2: 37:11

That is true, yes, no, you got that from coach. He paid.

Speaker 3: 37:14

I got that from coach yeah, um you, you have sent me presents, does that?

Speaker 2: 37:18

count.

Speaker 3: 37:19

I love you, so yes, but no, it does not, that does not paid me in?

Speaker 2: 37:23

No, no, you paid me in tea towels, no. So my point is coach hasn't made a dime. I have lost thousands and thousands of dollars Thousands, like it's not hundreds. It is thousands of dollars to run a podcast. You think, wait, what are you paying for? But you wouldn't believe what you pay for.

Speaker 2: 37:41

It's crazy, if you want to have a podcast and and you want to make sure everything's done properly and you have a ACE editor like the great, great Luke, um, you, you pay and um, uh, so every once in a while you'll get an email that makes it feel worth it. And I want to thank, uh, buttercup Jenny. Um, she sent this like this came in, um, came in yesterday, but we didn't record yesterday, so I saved it and I want to read it. I will try not to get emotional. I just love it. It meant the world to me, it meant the world to Coach, it meant the world to Boss, although, boss, you know she's a bit of a Grinch, but she did smile and say thank you. She was happy about it. Hi, coach, it's been almost a year to the day that I found your podcast and then became a buttercup. I've been doing a second listen through of the podcast and just wanted to reach out and say thank you for all that, thank you for what the three of you do.

Speaker 2: 38:37

Um, I've been told for most of my professional career that I am too nice in quotes and that it will hold me back, and that my kindness is a weakness. I'd be lying if I said these comments haven't had an impact on me. However, I've always tried to hold onto the belief that kindness will always prove a better way to live and manage in any position. I love that so much. This is my commentary. I just love that, and it's so hard to. I just love that, and it's so hard to especially pre-Ted Lasso to hold that position in the face of all the corporate dynamics out there. I really appreciate that. I will continue. However, try to hold on, please. I've had Ted Lasso and the Lasso way made me feel seen, and then I found your podcast and I feel like I found my people. You have given me the strength to keep my head high and smile bright as corporate America tries to stifle my light, which, yes, yes, jenny, yes, that's what it does. That's what it does. I am 100% with you. I'm going to keep going.

Speaker 2: 39:42

I could go on and on about the quotes I've written on Post-it notes around my office. In parentheses she writes be the sky, not the weather, and the ways I've related to what you all have to say. She gives examples of ADHD, mental health, losing friends and family to suicide. But if I keep going, this email will be longer than a four-part recap of one episode, which thank you, what a sweetheart that than a four-part recap of one episode, which thank you, what a sweetheart that is. You really see us. You really understand what we do in dragging everything out. She says so I'll just say again thank you, love, jenny. I just I can't. I'm going to have a breakdown. It makes me so happy.

Speaker 2: 40:21

Thank you, Jenny. Thank you for taking the time to write that. Thank you for our work and our attempt at being passively funny, meaning something to you. We have such a limited time on this world and it's so easy to not write that email. You know, it's just so easy for people to not take the time to write, Uh, it's easy for us to say, fuck it, we're not going to do this podcast anymore. It takes too much time out of our lives and I'm broke and fuck it, we're not going to do it and we've both chosen to go different directions. Um, so I really appreciate it, coach really appreciates it appreciates it and boss really appreciates it, and and speaking for Luke and the producers, you know, thank you.

Speaker 2: 41:05

Thanks for saying that. It means the world and, yeah, I'm going to have an emotional. I might have to take a minute in the powder room. But thank you, jenny, thanks to everybody else who is feeling that way and does not have the time, is going through difficult things, difficult things or, you know, is like nodding along with jenny and saying, yeah, like that's, that's how it feels for me too. We are all family here. We will always be your friends. Um, we, we are so happy that you found your people. It's a very, very complex world. It's only gotten more complicated as social media has risen and all the the world's sometimes can feel so crazy and you just wonder what people are thinking and you can feel very alienated inside of this world. But our community is here for you, the buttercups are here and thank you again. All right, boss, what do you say? We tackle the rest. Of Wayne, episode 9, thought we Was Friends.

Speaker 3: 42:15

Is that what we're doing, sweet? All right, let's go, I'm set.

Speaker 2: 42:20

You ready to huff it up and do the thing?

Speaker 3: 42:24

Huff it up? No, I don't do that. I don't do anything that involves huff it up and do the thing. Huff it up no, I don't do that. I don't do anything that involves huffing. Huffing has been ruined, both my inhalants in the drug form and people saying stuff about huff my shorts. When I was a child in the early 90s I've never heard that term Huff my shorts. I feel like maybe Bart Simpson said something like it I might also be thinking of. Hey, dude, there's no way of knowing.

Speaker 2: 42:52

Okay, so, in the absence of huffing, we can continue with Wayne when we left off last time, if you remember boss Wayne had been baited, Tried to steal a car.

Speaker 2: 43:02

Yeah, been baited into a car that was jacked up and the rear-wheel drive would not. Uh, the rear wheels were spinning just barely and uh, reggie knew he was a red hander what do you call him? I think he still called him a red hander and put a screwdriver on his neck and calvin came out of nowhere and knocked him out. I don't believe we've seen Wayne knocked out before. No, stone cold knockout punch. Yeah, so Calvin has that in his arsenal. He's nobody to be fucked with. Yeah, it seems like it. You think you could knock somebody out with a punch?

Speaker 3: 43:38

No, I don't punch, I don't punch, I don't punch. I can't remember what it was was. I didn't have a black eye, but I had some sort of bruise. I bruise very easily and also I'm clumsy and walk into things, so I often have bruises, but there I had some sort of injury. I can't even remember what it is now. Um, but I went out with friends who both know the boyfriend and, uh, the wife jokingly said oh did, did craig beat you up? And then we all left, not because, like because that's just that's so preposterous, that's so wild that he would think that he could get away with that and that he would still be alive, like there's.

Speaker 3: 44:17

Absolutely no, I would. He would not do it, but also he would be dead. And then our buddy, who is known craig, much, much longer than me, said uh yeah, no, craig wouldn't resort to physical violence. That's not who he is. He wouldn't punch you. He would somehow convince both your wife and your boss that you'd fucked a goat and that that is. That is more of the kind of revenge that I would be coming with psychological warfare psyops yeah, like I'll.

Speaker 3: 44:43

I'll cost you your job and I'll take your family away, not by murdering them, but I'll just burn your entire life down.

Speaker 2: 44:50

It's a very Sun Tzu. Yeah, you got to know your enemy yourself.

Speaker 3: 44:55

I couldn't punch anybody hard enough A child. I'm not going to punch a child. I could knock a child out, but I wouldn't.

Speaker 2: 45:01

I have over the course. So if you remember, uh, I'm a thick son of a bitch and um, uh, if you remember, uh, it was a couple years ago some workmen watching me lift stuff and I overheard them say he's a fucking bull.

Speaker 3: 45:16

Do you remember I told you that it was?

Speaker 2: 45:17

weird to be compared to an animal, um. So I've knocked people out, um, in many ways, which is a weird thing, and um, I realized so when I would have to defend myself when I was young. I was always short and which is why I say the two people you don't pick on are short guys and because we've had to defend ourselves. And then the guy, the guys in white t-shirts usually just a plain white t-shirt with a vein on their bicep the real thin, lanky guys, those guys you just plain do not pick on them.

Speaker 2: 45:50

Those guys are so terrifying, anyway. So I've had to defend myself and knock people out. But I've also knocked people out in sports several times. I remember this one guy. It was like this all-star guy.

Speaker 2: 46:02

I was in a hockey game and I don't even know how I did it it's like impossible that I did it but he was on a breakaway, going towards our goal and I caught up to him from behind and then I remember gliding. So not only did I stop pumping, but I had gone fast and he was this kid was he was the best kid in the whole league. He was this he was a tall six two um, and I remember he was a japanese guy. That was the thing. He had a japanese last name, which was an anomaly back in the, you know, when I was, when I was growing up in hockey, hockeyville, um, and he was a great player, and I had caught up to him and I remember gliding to get my shoulder in front of him, so it would be a legal hit, and then I went up and hit him and I remember him out the.

Speaker 2: 46:45

I've never felt so bad about it Cause I was trying to be. I'm not, I was not a cheap player, I was a scrappy player. I'd make you angry but I would not, um never try to hurt anybody. And I was like like they were trying to like stop me from like full out, like wailing, crying.

Speaker 2: 46:59

I wasn like I did not mean to do that, but it was such a horrible feeling Because I was just trying to be legal and I hit him so hard that his helmet came off, his gloves flew off, he dropped his stick and then he slid into the goalie.

Speaker 2: 47:15

He slid into our goalie on his back and he was out and I was like 17. I was all muscle. You know what I mean you didn't know the power of your own strength. I didn't mean to do it, it was so. It's so terrible to knock somebody out, so, anyway, Calvin knocks out um Wayne.

Speaker 3: 47:32

This is. This is a different. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry, why being knocked out would be really bad. You don't want to be knocked out in the water.

Speaker 2: 47:46

Yeah, no, god. Did you ever dive or did you just swim? God, no, no.

Speaker 3: 47:51

I could barely dive when I was just off the blocks. I was bad at it. Have you ever done a?

Speaker 2: 47:55

jackknife dive. Have you ever tried one?

Speaker 3: 47:57

of those.

Speaker 2: 47:58

So I dated a girl in college who was a diver, really good diver. She was amazing. She who was a diver, um, really good diver she was. She was like amazing. She was like the high you know high dives, and she could do all the different dives, pikes, and I'm trying to think of all the names. If I coach were here, I would say triple lindy, which is a reference to back to school, the rodney danger um but um, but she would just go. I remember this one. She would just jump up, touch her toes and then straighten and go into the water. You know like easy and I remember trying it one time. I did it and proceeded to strain every just doing that motion in the air. Your core has to be so strong it's and mine wasn't, because I've never been a diver and I like basically pulled everything from my like pecs down to my knees. I it was. It was horrifying. Yeah, if you've never done it, anyone who's a diver out there, kudos and swimmers too. Swimmers have great strong trunks. It's amazing.

Speaker 3: 48:52

I mean, maybe Not anymore. You've got to keep doing the swimming in order to keep it up.

Speaker 2: 48:57

You don't compete with as much swimming as you used to.

Speaker 3: 49:00

Can't say I do.

Speaker 2: 49:02

Calvin knocks out Wayne and boom, we're out of the scene. We're out of the episode and now we start with a very wide shot. Um, to the point where I was like where'd they get the money for this shot, because they're up so high, it's pre. I don't think they could afford a drone or drone technology was not as prevalent six years ago when this was filmed. Um, sometimes, if you're, if you're piecing things together and you're on a shoestring budget when you're shooting, the best thing you can have as a young filmmaker is like an uncle that works for a ge or something where he has access to a bucket truck, and you're like uncle, uncle murray, can you come out and just like, can I just get two shots from way up high? He's like I could get fired if you just, please, please, let me use your bucket truck for shots.

Speaker 2: 49:52

Anyway, they have this high shot of butthole Tommy Cole and they are. They are sort of watching as a car goes by. They are sort of watching as a car goes by. It's the tow truck coming into frame towing their car, which has they somehow. I don't know what they did to their car. I'm guessing they broke an axle, they drove off the road, but it doesn't matter why. Why doesn't it matter, boss? Because the next shot is what?

Speaker 3: 50:21

Oh, it's them walking, which doesn't make any sense to me. Why would you not be able to ride in the tow truck, the? The one time I've been in a car that needs to be towed, we rode in the tow truck to the place where the car was being towed.

Speaker 2: 50:34

I think they let one person in the tow truck. Correct me if I'm wrong. If anybody works for triple a or a tow tow company, I doubt there's any. This is a stereotype I have. But um, um, cause I do have met good tow truck drivers, but there are some real, there's some real. I think it has a higher preponderance of motherfuckers in the towing industry than in other industries, um, but I think they let you have one person in the cab and I think, if I don't imagine they'd let a dog, but I don't know, yeah, no, probably the dog.

Speaker 3: 51:06

but I don't know, yeah, no, probably the dog. Probably would be a deal breaker.

Speaker 2: 51:08

I know the dog in your car that's being towed.

Speaker 3: 51:11

Right yeah, and I went with another friend of mine she and I went together with, and then other people followed behind us, but that towed truck driver let both of us in.

Speaker 2: 51:21

So we have um, um. But I, tommy cole, uh with uh, in the person of michael mallion, is incredibly, uh, beautiful, large cranium with the tiny, little, teeny, tiny cap on the top. And uh, here they come with orlando and his backpack on coming down the road. Now they're holding a dog, they're escorting the dog that they did not hit. Um, yesterday I was driving to pick up my son my daughter was in the front seat and a little doggie. A very busy road I was probably going 40, 45. And a little cute doggie about the size of Spuds McKenzie. You know that little, I don't know what breed it is that's very topical.

Speaker 2: 52:02

Yeah, whatever. A tiny little dog I would say small to medium-sized dog walks out on the road like the dumbest idiot I've ever seen. He barely misses. He goes in front of the other lane first, but he is making a beeline for right in front of my car and I swerved. You're not supposed to swerve, you're supposed to hit the dog according to whatever. I swerved so you're not supposed to swerve, you're supposed to hit the dog according to whatever, but I'm not going to hit any dog. I like dogs more than I like people and you know I love people. So I swerved and, and, and and hit my brakes and we missed the dog by less than an inch. It was a miracle that I didn't hit this dog and we didn't have time. My daughter was like so impressed. She's like oh my god, how did you not kill that dog? She's like you didn't even hit it and we saw the dumb ass with his stupid tongue hanging out and his tail wagging, walk off, didn't even, didn't even graze the idiot.

Speaker 3: 52:57

He just like walked and I was like no it was heavy.

Speaker 2: 53:01

I was so happy. I've been happy ever. I'm happy now talking about it because I'm like, oh, thank god, I didn't kill it. I've never killed anything with my car that I'm aware of. I think frogs, but I can't. Didn't feel them, um, because it was like in the middle of a rainstorm, but I have luckily, to my knowledge, not hit like anything of. So I haven't killed a deer. I haven't killed, thank god, not a dog or a cat or a raccoon or anything like that. So have you have any roadkill on your, uh, on your resume, boss?

Speaker 3: 53:26

we talked about how, when I hit a rat with my car, I cheered oh yes you deserve it and you gotta I definitely, uh, no, did I, I don't know. Maybe like, uh, raccoons are motherfuckers, so like, even though they're cute, I wouldn't feel bad about hitting a raccoon. I mean they're? I don't know. They're motherfuckers? Yeah, they might be, they are adorable, but they're motherfuckers.

Speaker 2: 53:49

You think you wouldn't be a raccoon. If you were a raccoon, You'd be the imagine you as a raccoon. Well, I'm just saying. What yardstick are you measuring these guys by? You'd be the biggest motherfucker in the raccoon.

Speaker 3: 54:00

By the one where John Lovett talked about how his then fiance unfortunately now waxed Ronan Farrow, when he was a child they had baby chickens, whatever house it was that they lived in, and raccoons kept eating them. So they had to bring them inside the actual house and put them in the bathroom, and in the bathroom the raccoon somehow snuck into the house and got into the bathroom and killed all the baby chickens, and then the motherfuckers washed their hands in the toilet before leaving that is what a raccoon is.

Speaker 2: 54:32

You're telling me you don't have a weird like. I wouldn't kill a chicken appreciation for that level of like determination. That's the Jason Bourne of raccoons. Whatever did that? He got into the house and then washed himself as a spite. I was surprised they didn't leave a note behind.

Speaker 3: 54:48

Like nice try motherfuckers. That is not Jason Bourne at all, though Jason Bourne had to kill bad guys. Chickens are not bad guys. I mean, chickens aren't great, but baby chickens. There's no point in killing baby chickens. There's no meat on those bones anyway.

Speaker 2: 55:05

Something chickens. There's no meat on those bones anyway. Something's fishy, something's rotten in Denmark with that story, but okay, alright, that's fine. I have a weird appreciation for raccoons because they haven't directly fucked with my life, although I know they are a nightmare for a lot of people. Possums, we get a family of raccoons up in this tree that's on our property and Juliana loves them and names, names them and so whatever, and they don't mess with us, to my knowledge. So what were you saying about possums?

Speaker 3: 55:32

I like them. I used to hate them changed my mind now they're fine now I think they're fine because, turns out, they're nice okay you ever see an armadillo run across a road?

Speaker 2: 55:46

No, you ever see an armadillo run?

Speaker 3: 55:48

No, but the only place in the entire Southwest I've ever been is inside the city of Phoenix, and LA doesn't really count, but like in that general area, those are the only two places I've ever been.

Speaker 2: 56:01

You ever see a panda bear? Like fall off something.

Speaker 3: 56:04

In videos. Yeah, the only two places I've ever been. You ever see a panda bear like fall off something in videos? Yeah, you know, you know that there's a job and zoos in china where you just hug the pandas. That's your whole thing.

Speaker 2: 56:12

That's your whole job oh, you mentioned this before. Wait, explain what is that. The job is to hug a panda.

Speaker 3: 56:17

You're something like they. It's part of the care team for the pandas, but like, pandas won't if you're trying to clean something. They're like hey, do you want to play with me? Do you want? Do you want to pick me up and cuddle me right now? And you're like no, I need to clean the shit out of your cage. And they're like but what if you just pick me up and play with me? So one of the like team members? Their role is they pick up the panda and play with it while other people are cleaning shit.

Speaker 2: 56:43

I want to be very clear. I have made my intentions known to people. I have tried to be a great person. I have tried to always take the high road. I have told everybody that I love them, I love the buttercups, I love the listeners, I love my friends and family. But if I could get that job, I would leave all of you behind. If I could get the job as Panda Hugger.

Speaker 2: 57:04

I wouldn't need anything else in this? No, of course not. I would leave tomorrow. I didn't know there was a job, that's, that's heaven that's the. That is the best job on the planet. I didn't know about it till yeah, panda hugger panda hugger.

Speaker 3: 57:20

That's what you do. You just pick up the panda hang out with it.

Speaker 2: 57:23

So there is this thing. This is why, uh, there's this. It's big business to send videos of various animals. Some people, everyone's got an animal. That's a weakness. Juliana, for Juliana it's like, oh God, it's like, it's like rodent, the family rodentia, it's like basically otters and things like that. You know, she's a sucker things for. You know, some people it's little bears, some people it's puppies or cats or whatever puppies or cats or whatever she likes cats, kittens too kittens, for some reason, and I'm like, yeah, but then they grow up in their cats.

Speaker 3: 57:57

Um, my favorite, um you don't know, you don't even know what.

Speaker 2: 57:58

You don't even know what happened in eurovision, but and nor do you care, but I'll mention it for people that listened and took up my advice it was a total. It was crazy. This year it was an absolute zoo. The best act was suspended for making pushing down the phone of someone filming him who shouldn't have been filming him, but he made a threatening gesture and it was a zero tolerance policy so he literally got rid of the top. The favorite couldn't perform and so his life's work was down. It was crazy.

Speaker 2: 58:28

But there was one guy who I showed you the video. I think you were there for that. You had to fly out that for that episode, so you left early. I don't I think I showed it to you, but I definitely should coach um and he would talk about his cat and how much he loves his cat and he there was a line in the song that said meow cat, please meow back, and he would say I'm gonna miss you all, but mostly the cat. Anyway, he basically won Eurovision. He came in second, but he won the popular vote and he was the absolute, far and away sort of winner in people's hearts and minds.

Speaker 2: 58:59

It was from Croatia, his name is Baby Lasagna, and he's just a lovely guy and a lovely human being. Seriously, you would love him, even though you don't love anybody. You'd think he was good. And he also wrote a children's book about his cat, and so people buying his children's book and the final dance of the song was him dancing. Oh, you didn't know this. So you saw the final performance because you know they have the video. But then they have the final performance and on stage behind him, when he's doing his big dance, they have a bunch of cats in the back doing the same dance, which is great. Yes, I know, big dance. They have a bunch of cats in the back doing the same dance, which is yes, I know it's crazy to you, but so it was like very cat friendly performance.

Speaker 2: 59:41

And they show him going back to croatia. He got a hero's welcome in croatia, which was so wonderful to see, um, and he started crying on. He's like a me. He started crying on stage. He couldn't believe. All these people showed up to listen to him. Stay, a stupid song, you know, he's like. He's like just a sweetheart. And they show him having his reunion with his cat, who he has now made famous. And the first thing the fucking thing does is scratch him and draw and draw blood and I'm like I yeah, that's yeah that's why I'm a dog person.

Speaker 3: 1:00:09

See this. Uh, you think I'm a raccoon person. I am much more cat. I would be a cat Like I. It's great that you love me. I don't fucking care, I don't know what to tell you Like I'm. I think that's literally every.

Speaker 2: 1:00:24

I think that's great. Every. That's the. That is the summary of every Christmas card card you ever sent me. Yeah, man that's I think it's great that you love me.

Speaker 3: 1:00:32

I think it's great I don't um my, my dog noodle. I I've only ever had one dog. I don't need any other dogs. I love her so much. She was a hardcore bitch and acted a lot like a very cat, like like if she didn't, if if you couldn't win her over, she did not give a fuck. She absolutely did not care about you.

Speaker 3: 1:00:50

I think it's great, I love it. I, I, not so long ago, um said out loud, I can't remember how it happened Craig said something about, uh, mountain lions. I said something about mountain lions. I was like mountain lions are awesome, they're the best. They, they're the best animal. They absolutely kick every single ass, they're the fucking greatest. And he was like they're not even that big. So then I immediately had to start Googling about mountain lions. I said out loud, as I was reading one of the Google questions that comes up the first one was can a bobcat be mistaken for a mountain lion? And I shouted in its dreams and I meant it, I was 100% serious about that. Wow, wow.

Speaker 2: 1:01:35

Wow, bobcats are. They can get pretty big. Actually they're terrifying, they get lion size.

Speaker 3: 1:01:42

Yeah, they get tiger size. They're fucking huge and they're awesome. And look at them. Do you see how cool they look? Do you see them climbing up trees? They're the fucking best.

Speaker 2: 1:01:59

Yeah, I'm a big, I have night recurring nightmares over big cats. So we will just move on. But I, but I will tell you that um uh, uh, with human beings in general, the animal kingdom does something to us and for for the purpose of a Wayne, saving this dog, like, like it changed my I don't know Again, I don't say changed my life, that I didn't hit that dog yesterday, but it was pretty, it would have really cast.

Speaker 3: 1:02:21

It would have.

Speaker 2: 1:02:22

it would have changed your life, If you had, if you had changed my actual life, you know, like I've never hit a dog and I'm a biggest dog lover, I know, and so it's like you know I just don't want to, uh, don't want to harm a dog and so, yeah, tommy cole has had a checkered history with dogs who have died, and then he was saved and found out you know, okay, wasn't wasn't me, thank god, um, but now he has a chance to sort of redeem himself and as his car is towed away, probably with a broken axle from driving into a ditch, and as he is faced with the prospect of walking in the middle of fucking nowhere, he has the biggest smile on his face because he has saved a dog. A dog is like a Benji looking sort of. It's got a kind of a real gross, uh, kirchhean.

Speaker 3: 1:03:12

He might have mange.

Speaker 2: 1:03:14

Yeah, it's a mangy mutt, yeah, but the dog is happy and he's happy. I don't know how happy Orlando is, uh, but he says uh. Tommy Cole says I don't know if you know this, orlando, but I have a tendency to see things in a generously, a generally hopeless uh and and dreadful light. Uh, cup, cup, half full of shit kind of way. But gone are the days of my bread falling, buttered side down. Uh, I like that. Uh, I like that line. Um, I feel like we're actually driving towards something. Um, tommy Cole says driving towards what he says. You know what I'm saying Moving towards something. I think the dog feels it too, ain't you boy? And what does Orlando say here?

Speaker 3: 1:04:00

Says what are you going to name it? Is it going to start with an A, like the other ones?

Speaker 2: 1:04:05

No, I'm going to try something different this time. I like food names. Oh, no, orlando says. What does Orlando say? I like food names.

Speaker 3: 1:04:10

Muffin Donut Nugget. My brother's cat is named Fajita.

Speaker 1: 1:04:18

I like food names. I kind of like food names for animals.

Speaker 3: 1:04:20

Yeah, Somebody once said that they wanted to name their cat not a pet name, but just an actual human name.

Speaker 2: 1:04:32

They're like oh yeah, my cat steve and I always think about that I love those yeah, this is, this is my, my cat, my dog, kevin this is my dog kevin.

Speaker 3: 1:04:42

I would fuck I. I don't love the name kevin. I'm sorry kevin's out there, it's not my favorite. It's not you, it is, um, my awful uncle kevin, and that is what I referred to him when I was a very small child. But I think my dog kevin would be fucking hilarious. It's just that whole. Yeah, it's just the whole vibe yeah, we have a.

Speaker 2: 1:05:00

We have a friend, uh, in the film industry who's like the whitest, most boring guy in the world. Of course he's the most famous and successful one of all of us in the film, sure. But we went to see god, what was it? Um, what was that movie? I forget, I forget it was a native, I don't remember. But anyway, we all came out of the. It was, uh, I'm trying to say acapulco, but it's not that. It was like, um, apocalypto, that's it, thank you, apocalypto.

Speaker 2: 1:05:28

And so we came out and started making names for each other. I don't know why. It was like, oh, you're, you know, sort of stands with force or something whatever. And, um, me, they were looking at, I was actually on the phone. So they said bear phone. They called me bear phone, um sure. And then we all, so we all had funny name and bear phone stuck. It's like my, my, uh, like xbox handle, and and and so we all had sort of fun names and we looked at our friend who's the boring one and we were like what's his native name? And his girlfriend goes, kevin kevin, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, that's the's mom's name Maureen.

Speaker 2: 1:06:06

McNulty. He couldn't remember. How could I forget that? And Maureen McNulty? So Orlando pulls out his phone, goes to Marlene McNulty of Cala Florida and Tommy Cole says we got to find a phone book. No, you don't.

Speaker 3: 1:06:33

To the point that Orlando says what's a phone book? Yeah, you're not finding a fucking phone book what's a phone book?

Speaker 2: 1:06:41

you don't think things can change that fast. You just don't think that is a. That is a standard. It was a gold standard. Yeah, you know what mean. It's like entire companies, millions of people's jobs, were to call you to see if you want to be in the phone. Yeah, sell you an ad in the phone Millions.

Speaker 3: 1:07:02

Well, this is like how some small child who doesn't know anything found not a floppy disk. What are the hard disks called? Whatever it was Hard disk, maybe A hard disk, whatever?

Speaker 2: 1:07:13

it was Hard disk, maybe A hard disk yeah, yeah, a hard disk right Hard disk yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:07:16

Yeah, not floppy disk, hard disk.

Speaker 2: 1:07:18

Hard drive.

Speaker 3: 1:07:19

But they found one in real life and they're like oh, this is hilarious, somebody 3D printed the save symbol.

Speaker 2: 1:07:26

The save symbol yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:07:28

And they're like no bitches, no. The Save symbol yeah, and they're like no bitches, no. The save symbol is this what do you think if we came up with that as the symbol? Dumbass, child.

Speaker 2: 1:07:38

But yeah, that's how the world changes. Just goes pretty quickly. What's phone book? Seriously, tommy Cole says it's the thing you use to find people. Duh. You mean this? I already got her address and her Etsy.

Speaker 3: 1:07:52

Apparently she makes some sexy candles or some shit but they're not actually sexy, they just have sexy names.

Speaker 2: 1:07:59

It's all peach it's all peach, it's all isn't that? Isn't that the the best commentary? It's all just peach, um. So he's like, oh man, we're gonna find you maureen and then, and then we cut away. So just a little thing, a little insight into sometimes it's, you know, it's it's darkest before the dawn. You think you've killed a dog, you've driven your car off the road. I love, I, just I love, love, love, love the line. Hey, you got triple A. And then that insert of him going nah, expired a long time ago. It's so, oh, oh, chef's kiss, I love it so much. But now, when it's when it looks like everything's bleak, he's actually. It's amazing.

Speaker 2: 1:08:48

We can get in a good mood, we're in control of our moods and, uh, it doesn't always have to be in reaction. Uh, juliana always preaches to our kids about being in reaction as opposed to planning and deciding. And my dad, who was, uh, we didn't know was on the spectrum, we didn't know the spectrum was, but now I see that he was he used to say to me you have such a hard time getting up in the morning, um, but you got to get your mind to get you up, just like think, like, think your way out of bed and then he would play these terrible I say terrible. Now they're probably pretty good, but there was a motivational speaker called Zig Ziglar. Have you ever heard of Zig Ziglar? No, yeah, hey, talk like this, yes. And he'd say I don't, I don't consider that, uh, my alarm clock an alarm clock, I consider it an opportunity clock, like because he was that, so my dad would play that.

Speaker 2: 1:09:40

So he's ted lasso it really is actually actually you know what, honest to god, zigzag and ted lasso there's a lot in common there, um, but my dad would say the one thing he did, that that has all. Well, he's not a lot stuck with me, but I remember about the waking uh element. He would say if I told, I'm telling you, you have to go to school and you don't want to go to school, so you don't want to get out of bed, but I told you, hey, we're going to go to the, we're going to go to a six flag. He said the different one, ours, that's the. Hey, we're gonna go to canopy lake today.

Speaker 2: 1:10:13

You would shoot out of bed. You'd be so pumped and it's he's like. That just proves it's not, it doesn't do it. How tired you, it's all your mental thing. I'm like, oh man. So it's interesting. I forget that even now all the time. Um, but um, we are in control of our, our facilities in that way um, we cut from uh, we cut from uh, we cut from uh. Tommy Cole to a bus depot where we see uh walk us through this here, boss.

Speaker 3: 1:10:39

Uh, so Dell goes up to the counter with the ticket she's had since Connecticut. I think is when they purchased it or. Rhode. Island, rhode Island, yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:10:47

Yeah, rhode Island. Uh, hands the guy behind the counter the ticket and he says 25. She says for what he says departure charge, fee, change fee yeah she says I don't fucking have 25 bucks, and he says neither do I. Sucks, doesn't it next? And then that's it, and he's not wrong like. This is one of those things where it's not a great situation, but it's 25 and if you don't have 25, there's nothing you can do about it yeah, sucks, doesn't it sucks, doesn't it?

Speaker 3: 1:11:28

and also, he has a job and he doesn't have 25, so some shit's going wrong for him I like, I mean whatever, it's just a tiny little scene, but he does a great job.

Speaker 2: 1:11:38

I'll say in the in the uh, I've pointed out the casting in this show. This is a indian man, um, and you know what I mean. They're just making like totally casual, they're working all in um could be anybody, but he's just like a, he's just a regular. You know, part of the, the ocala bus authority ticket office, um, and it's just. It's just another way to sort of uh, sort of paint the world in the way that it actually is, rather than like oh, a bunch of white people are making this show, so it's all full of white people, um, and he, um, yeah, he's just matter of fact and and that's it, what's, what is uh, what's dell gonna do? She says next, there's a long line of people and that's it. Somebody moves into position. So where does that leave, dell boss?

Speaker 3: 1:12:27

uh, still in the bus station in ocala, florida. And so she she grabs some cardboard and a marker, makes a sign that says need bus fare and then sits down in the bus station hoping that somebody in a similar position might be able to give her part of the money to get her to LA. I don't know what she's planning to do when she gets to LA is one of the other things Like if you don't have money to get to LA, what are you going to do when you get to LA and don't have any money? But maybe she'll figure that out then.

Speaker 2: 1:13:01

Yeah, it's not yeah. For a planner like you, it is not a great decision, but more so than that, being Bobby Luchetti's daughter and having to take this one on the chin and realize she's out of options. She is begging now. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:13:25

She had enough pride when she was back in her neighborhood to steal Girl Scout cookies and sell or whatever she was. She was industrious when, when she had no um fire and talked to her dad, he's learned to fucking chop some wood. So she learned to. She's always sort of relied on herself. And this, it's funny, what, what you must go through in this moment to be this broken, to say I'm going to put myself at the whim of the universe, I need bus fare. And she just sits passively. I mean it's panhandling, it's just really. I mean it's really really sort of dehumanizing.

Speaker 3: 1:14:07

Well, it can be. It definitely can be, and by that I mean that other people can then see you as less than because of the circumstances that, most of the time through no fault of your own, you find yourself in. I do want to push back a little bit at saying, when you said broken, not that she is broken, not that there's anything wrong with her, but how painful it must have been for her to go through that. Right, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, what? Uh, yes, I don't know how to phrase it but, yes, that's correct.

Speaker 3: 1:14:39

Well, well, it's only you know, um, the fact that I used to be an english major and now I'm an accountant who works in the non-profit world. I, the non-profit world itself is very aware of how language shapes our opinions on things. Not just that we talk about things in a way because we think that, but if we talk that way, then we think that. So, um, because we deal with people who are unhoused and panhandling and doing all these other things.

Speaker 3: 1:15:08

That is their job. It literally is their job. Their job is to put themselves out there in a way that says I'm going to stand outside for however many hours and try to collect as much money as I can. And so this is a reframing of it that either you decide to pay them for that work that they're doing, even though it isn't productive, because work doesn't actually need to be productive in order to be work. You're either going to pay them for what they're doing or not. But we're not going to think of this as like oh, I'm benevolent, so I'm giving you the 25. No, like, they did the work of asking for it, so I'm going to give them the $25 because they worked for it.

Speaker 2: 1:15:46

I, I, I'm going to be coach right now. It's a. God damn, I love what you just said. I'm going to be coach right now. It's a goddamn. I love what you just said. I love how you frame that. I thank you for for making sure my language correct was correct, but also, like I, really I've never in my life thought about that in that way, never. I've never thought that is their version of work and work doesn't have to be productive and they're not sitting around. But what? What.

Speaker 2: 1:16:12

I was alluding to was not, but and I was alluding to that we as a society are often so desensitized to the plight of people in that position. There is no, there's no tears. There aren't any tears to it. There's no system, or where someone with a, with a sign you're like like it's not like, oh, they're, they're a first level paladin, um, uh, street, uh, street, sort of, uh, worker, um, or it's not like, oh, this girl's just barely down on her luck and this is the only time she's ever done it. You're just like, as soon as you see that sign, you go all right, all right, like a is up, oh, don't make eye contact. You know, whatever the things that society teaches us. And there's no sort of, there's no level to. I think people would be more likely to help her if they had a sense that this wasn't her profession or that that sort of. I don't know if that makes any sense.

Speaker 3: 1:17:13

No, no, no, I get it, it's. It is exactly the same way that, and I don't even know if we still have them, but for a while there'd be people that would stand outside like tax places with their twirling sides, and they got real good at it. They're like, hey, come on into H&R Block and watch me flip this fucking side.

Speaker 2: 1:17:24

Oh yeah, those side spinners are sick.

Speaker 3: 1:17:26

Yeah, and that was, everybody acknowledged and accepted a job, an honest job that that person was getting paid for because it was in the service of some sort of business. And so, yes, I think you're absolutely right about the way that we see that. But that goes like sort of both ways. We have now considered her to be not in society, the way that we feel society exists like outside of the bounds of what we think as being. Oh well, he's a sign spinner, that's his job, he's doing almost exactly the same thing that she would be doing and saying here is a sign, give me money.

Speaker 3: 1:18:01

But because of the ways that we conceptualize things, well, we think, yes, we treat them differently and we behave differently towards them right and she's doing a real shitty job of spinning.

Speaker 2: 1:18:11

Oh real shitty. Just, she's doing a real shitty job of spinning that side. Oh real shitty. She's just not a good side spinner In that it's just leaning up against her and she's sitting.

Speaker 3: 1:18:18

Mm-hmm, and she's not walking around asking people.

Speaker 2: 1:18:21

It is so.

Speaker 3: 1:18:22

What actually might be the saddest about this is not the idea of being forced into panhandling, but that she is sort of at the end of a rope in terms of she's not hustling, she's not stealing tips off the table.

Speaker 2: 1:18:36

Yes, Right Is that now she is actively in reaction. She has gone from her agency, feels like it's removed and now she is counting on the kindness of others rather than her own ingenuity.

Speaker 3: 1:18:48

Right, she doesn't have anything left to do.

Speaker 2: 1:18:50

That's not, del, like at all. Yeah, and you're right. Uh, this is where, when I talk about how, um god, there's so many things, jesus, my adhd is pinging right now. We talked about words that have uh meanings and and I was I mentioned another episode how autistic is now being used as a slur and that sort of thing. And then I also was talking about with craig's take on things and my children's take on certain things, where they see certain elements of society but then use it again. They'll just use the transitive property to be like well, so like.

Speaker 2: 1:19:23

When my kids hear, like health care is tied to uh jobs, like if you have a job, they're like aren't what the they're like, they would say like, oh, so dell, and this is she's like sponsored by reebok, somehow she would be appropriately, yeah, people be like. Oh, oh, reba, okay, yeah, like, but you have to have like a corporate big brother. Yes, you know to be in the corporate pantheon in this country and I don't, it's not. You know we have friends, people listen to us all over the world, so I don't know how this is in australia. I don't, it's not. You know we have friends, people listen to us all over the world. So I don't know how this is in Australia. I don't know how this is in New Zealand or Germany or any of the other places that people listen.

Speaker 2: 1:20:01

Yeah, we have listeners. I know the amount of it is nuts, but anyway, I don't know how it is in your country, your country, but here the preponderance of associative connections with corporate America in ways that validate people, it's alarming. So anyway, del is sitting there and we pan off her. She's sort of sitting in the back part of the ticket office against a pillar on the ground. And who walks into the front of this office? Somebody without a car boss? Who would that be?

Speaker 3: 1:20:45

It's not just the ticket office I would like to mention. It also seems to be a full-service restaurant, yeah. It is. It is Orlando and Tommy Cole with their dog. And Orlando actually says I don't know if they let dogs in here. And he says well, if they don't, I'll just tell them it's my emotional support animal, and if they still don't, I'll just fucking sue them for discrimination.

Speaker 2: 1:21:08

Yeah, he is, he is.

Speaker 3: 1:21:11

He's about the dog now he's 100 about the dog.

Speaker 3: 1:21:15

He is about the dog and also I um, I saw something on threads earlier today where someone was like oh well, you can sue anybody over anything. I would just like to clear up that isn't true. I haven't taken a lot of law classes, but I did need to take a business law class, which is different. You still can't sue anybody for anything. If he said oh, I'm going to sue this bus depot, slash restaurant because they wouldn't let my emotional support animal, which I have no certification for, I have no way of indicating that that's true. I have no diagnosis that says I should have an emotional support animal. You can't actually sue them. Actually, any lawyer would laugh at you, tommy.

Speaker 2: 1:21:58

Not any lawyer, not all men, most lawyers A decent lawyer. Anybody who's passed the bar might yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:22:06

Well, if you haven't passed the bar, you're not a lawyer.

Speaker 2: 1:22:08

Like Uncle Nick's upstairs law school might you know it's like one of those. Yeah, Hi everybody.

Speaker 3: 1:22:15

Well, that's Dr Nick. That's not the lawyer, I know, I know.

Speaker 2: 1:22:19

Lawyer is.

Speaker 3: 1:22:20

Lloyd Herb somebody.

Speaker 2: 1:22:22

I'm Lloyd, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

Speaker 3: 1:22:25

I'm Phil Hartman doing another voice on the Simpsons.

Speaker 2: 1:22:28

Oh God, I miss Phil Hartman. Okay, so he says this for discrimination and then we get a wide shot where Del looks back and she sees the dog and puts her hand so the dog can smell her and she does not notice who is holding the dog.

Speaker 3: 1:22:47

No, she doesn't give any shits about the humans attached to the dog. Also, it's Lionel Hutz. God damn it. How did I's?

Speaker 2: 1:22:51

Lionel Hutz. God damn it. How did I forget Lionel Hutz? I have a Lionel Hutz action figure. That's how, of course, you do. That is. It was a gift. I didn't go out of my way to get a Lionel Hutz action figure. But I love Phil Hartman so much, so much that anything Phil Hartman related but what is what?

Speaker 3: 1:23:14

who notices her? Oh uh, principal cole immediately says del lucetti, and she looks up, and she then stands up and walks over and gives him a hug and immediately starts sobbing my heart, my heart, I know, I know, I you, you were born with only one emotion boss.

Speaker 2: 1:23:34

but man, this is, what must it have been for her to see some, anyone she knew, especially an authority figure at her lowest point?

Speaker 3: 1:23:46

Yes, and I feel like that is there is. Um, oh, there is. I don't want to speak on behalf of an entire gender, because God knows I fucking can't, but I also know that there is something about actually the ways in which women are obligated by our society to be responsible for so many different things, like for running the household, for maintaining, uh, familial relationships, for doing the parenting, for doing the planning for, like. Sometimes somebody will say, well, as long as I give my husband a shopping list, then he could go take care of it. And I was like, why can't he go shopping? What is happening that?

Speaker 2: 1:24:30

he can't.

Speaker 3: 1:24:31

So I think even that he can't create the list on his own, that he doesn't know what the list is, that he has no fucking idea what the list would even be, that not only does he not know what things need to be purchased, but he doesn't know what you're out of. He doesn't know what is supposed to be there. Laundry detergent. What kind of laundry detergent do we use? How do you not know?

Speaker 2: 1:24:52

How did you not look at the package? Hold on, whoa, whoa, whoa. Have you seen his handicap, his golfing handicap, god.

Speaker 3: 1:24:58

Anyway, the thing about this is that I firmly agree with you.

Speaker 2: 1:25:02

It's where that SNL, wasn't it SNL?

Speaker 3: 1:25:08

Where the women send their baby men out to go fetch stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, when they were doing the ripoff of the japanese yeah, the japanese children show.

Speaker 3: 1:25:13

Yeah, because in japan they send four and five year olds to the store and see how well they could do on camera, but like they're by themselves and they have to get to the store and get the things and come back and the children do considerably better than the men. And I bring this up because women do not want to be controlled by and large. I'm going to say humans, don't women. Specifically, I don't think that there are women out there that are like oh, I just want a big, strong man to come save me from all this. But having somebody else be in charge for a minute is fucking great, like having that pressure For even a small amount when it's like oh, you know what? Actually, they're going to take care of it. I don't have to fucking do this shit. The relief that she must be feeling that she doesn't need to figure this out by herself. She's a 15 year old girl.

Speaker 3: 1:26:07

In the wild.

Speaker 2: 1:26:08

She's a 15 year old girl in the wild, the alert system that has to be on in her body at all times, yeah, for any possible threat from the world of men, which are copious, the threats are constant and there could be a, a glance that puts her even on. That much it is. Yes, it is terrifying and, and you know, see our reference to bear versus man. Exactly, and for a second, her principal. She rushes to him and hugs him.

Speaker 3: 1:26:41

Well, the thing is, we don't actually know that he's her principal, yet we just know that he is a person of authority who knows who she is and seems to have been looking for her.

Speaker 2: 1:26:51

No, wait a sec, he's her principal. He is the principal of the school she attends.

Speaker 3: 1:26:55

We don't know what school she attends. We know that she attends a school and we know that it's in the same town of the school where Wayne goes, but he has never said anything about her being a student there?

Speaker 2: 1:27:09

Yeah, but didn't she Wait a second, though? We have her and her friend going to the blood drive. We know that that was her school. That was her school. We don't know that that's his school, technically.

Speaker 3: 1:27:21

We don't know that it's the school where Tommy Cole is the principal. We've never seen them interact and we don't know the name of the school.

Speaker 2: 1:27:28

We know it's Marvin Hagler High School. Well, we don't know the name of her high school, though I don't think I would need to go back and watch, but you're probably right, we probably don't and the only reason I mentioned that is because I feel like there's something coming off that I all of a sudden was like, oh shit, okay, okay you didn't put okay. So she he says I got you, I got.

Speaker 3: 1:27:48

Okay, I got you, I got you, I got you, I got you.

Speaker 2: 1:27:50

Which is which is great, and keep going boss.

Speaker 3: 1:27:53

Well, and then as she's sobbing, she, like it's, starts to for a second, pulls away. She goes wait, you're my fucking principal. And he says, yes, I am. And that was the first time that I I was like oh, oh, oh right, he, she must go to the school. That same school. It honestly didn. Oh right, she must go to the school. That same school. Honestly, it didn't occur to me before that.

Speaker 2: 1:28:13

Really.

Speaker 3: 1:28:13

Yeah, wow, oh God, I mean, the town I grew up in in the town itself had two public high schools, I see, and we had-.

Speaker 2: 1:28:24

North-South battles in football every Thanksgiving.

Speaker 3: 1:28:27

No, I went to West Aurora, east Aurora. Oh, West-East Got it yeah no, um, I went to west aurora, east aurora. We, oh, west east got it, yeah, and but the the east? This was like when I was in college and we thought we had a rivalry with michigan and they were like, yeah, we don't care about the university of illinois. Actually, actually, guys, we don't think about you one-sided rivalries are so brutal, that's basic.

Speaker 2: 1:28:47

I don't want to. I I could get. I could get taken out behind the woodshed for saying this, but, like a lot of the boston new york rivalries are that way. We're not so much the red sox and the and and the um and the yankees that is a storied rivalry but a lot of like the they're like oh, that's cute boston, oh that's adorable, that's so sweet, you think we're the best city in the country in the world and you're, you know, boston.

Speaker 2: 1:29:13

Um, but she says, yeah, you're my fucking principal. And he goes yes, I am. And I was like I was thinking about like, oh, this is, it's the first time he's ever like worn a cape as a principal. You know. He's like you're goddamn right. I am like after the principal convention, you know it has a new meaning for him somehow.

Speaker 3: 1:29:35

And also he's still riding the high of saving that dog. They saved the dog. They got Maureen's address. They found Del. He is on a fucking roll. He's on a tear, you're right.

Speaker 2: 1:29:48

His buttered bread has not fallen butter side down anymore.

Speaker 3: 1:29:51

He needs to buy a lottery ticket or find an attractive black lady to hit on because he is having a good week.

Speaker 2: 1:29:56

That's right, he's got a shot in all categories. So she says that's fucking weird and pulls back. And now, oh, yeah, you love this, you love it. Now, folks, for those of you not watching, you'll remember that wayne was knocked out. We don't know what's going to happen. Next we have the show I think was probably written, where this is like a drug, uh, sort of a sort of a drug, um, I don't know, drug dealer, how is sort of a? What's the word I'm looking for? Like a, like a complex compound, that's it, yes, but we don't know what they're going to do with wayne. But then we cut to a shot of chains rattling and we see uh, what, what are we seeing here?

Speaker 3: 1:30:41

we see, we see what boss um, so it looks like it doesn't look like wayne is being pulled up on these chains. He has been gaggedged. He's got a rag in his mouth of some sort tied around. He's being held up with his feet off of the ground in the garage, sort of looking around, and Kelvin is across the way sitting in a chair, very disturbingly nonchalant.

Speaker 2: 1:31:11

Yeah, like like, this is like a Thursday for him. This is nothing, nothing special. Wayne has his hands chained behind his back.

Speaker 3: 1:31:20

I don't want to say it's nothing.

Speaker 2: 1:31:21

This is very vulnerable, very vulnerable, very vulnerable position.

Speaker 3: 1:31:24

And I don't want to say that this is nothing to him, more so that this is he is not aggravated Like he. There is something about people always get very nervous around somebody that is jittery or like overly excited or seems like they're waiting for a fight, like those kinds of like. I am very angry right now. Those can be scary. This motherfucker sitting in his garage casually as a child is being strung up by chains and seeming to be not upset about it whatsoever. Like he doesn't seem angry, he seems calm, which is significantly more scary to me.

Speaker 2: 1:32:10

I love that you said that. More scary to me I love that you said that when we look back on the scene with lee fucking murray in and his girlfriend, I think it was crystal. Yes, no kira. Yes, where we're right, it's the opposite.

Speaker 3: 1:32:23

Yes it's the opposite they were.

Speaker 2: 1:32:25

They like they thought they were badasses. Yes, once they they were in the thing where he was in their captivity, they had no idea what to do and they were freaking out and it made it much more. You know it was. It was totally frenetic, crazy yes yes, right, that's what I'm going for exactly right, and then, and then this is just calm this.

Speaker 3: 1:32:44

This dude has been in this situation before yes, he, he knows what he's doing and it might be a big deal, but it's not going to make him nervous.

Speaker 2: 1:32:53

So we have a shot framed in the dark. We're in a garage, but the garage door is down. There's a huge acetylene torch in the foreground, looming ominously In the back corner by the closed garage door. You have Calvin sitting and he has. Were you aware of the glove on his hand? Those? That's a welding glove. Yes, and I was like, why the fuck does he have a welding glove on one hand, um, and the other one is on his lap and wayne is tied up. And I said, oh my god, like you ever, you ever, do any, uh any, welding there? Clearly, lots and lots and lots of welding, a ton of welding. It's a lot of fun. Actually, metalwork is super fun.

Speaker 2: 1:33:37

I remember the first time my dad took me. We went to this metalworking course and I remember seeing everybody walk through sparks. You'd have people on these huge grinders and they're throwing sparks everywhere and everybody's just casually walking through the sparks. I'm like where the fuck am I? It's like this is like vulcan hell, um, you know, not vulcan star wars, vulcan, vulcan, uh, hefestus, the, the god of the forge, and I'm, but they, you know, after like three weeks I'm walking through it. Just, they don't hurt. Yeah, there's nothing to it, but it's cool and fun and, uh, it can be really creative and you get real like.

Speaker 2: 1:34:11

I remember, um, once I learned to weld, I worked with this other company that made vacuum lifters, of all things and, um, uh, it was a company that would like they could, they would make these huge attachments for machinery where, um, let's say, you're building, um, I don't think anything, it doesn't matter. In this case, one, one job we worked on was, um, the, the, these huge tile pieces that would go on the side of underground, underwater tunnels, so the, the you would have, like, at the end of a piece of equipment, you would have this suction thing. You would pick up the big tile piece and then hold it into place and then the suction would relieve. And anyway, the reason I bring this up is there was this it had to be perfect. You couldn't like, screw it up, people could die and the guy that was in charge of welding for this would make his welds were so fucking amazing. I remember just being like, oh my god, like it's such, um it was. He was so amazing at welding and I think, like nowadays they've probably computerized it I probably.

Speaker 2: 1:35:17

But back then this guy I remember got three weeks uh sorry, three months of vacation. The rest of us couldn't get a week off. At this scumbaggy company we worked for, you know it was terrible, terrible owner, terrible man that ran it, um. But this guy would get three months off and he made a fortune because he was like a, he was like gifted, um. But so calvin is sitting here with a welding glove on and he says you know how sick I am of hearing stories about your fucking dad. I was like, oh god, because it's as an opening salvo, that's worrisome. I think, yeah, that's not. I don't like you, wayne.

Speaker 3: 1:35:57

Yeah, no, this is, and this is also like Wayne just showed up. He theoretically shouldn't have any problem with Wayne, like Wayne was sort of a dick when he was putting up the shelves in his man cave, but there shouldn't be a reason where he would dislike him. To begin with. He dislikes wayne senior and he's taking it out on wayne jr and that means wayne jr can't do anything. You can't change somebody's mind when they don't actually hate you this is right.

Speaker 2: 1:36:25

That is very right. Right, how are you going to talk sense to that? I'm not him. Yeah, tough shit, I don't get. So we punch in the camera, punches into, um, uh, into just calvin. So calvin's just in frame. We see now that the reason he doesn't have a glove on is he's smoking a cigarette with his right hand.

Speaker 3: 1:36:44

Um obviously something you want to do in a garage filled with fumes and also no ventilation.

Speaker 2: 1:36:51

Yeah, but every person who has a garage like this does that. He steps up, puts the stuffs out, the thing, your mama? She starts sucking on that box of wine and all of a sudden it's the fucking legend of Wayne McCullough Hour.

Speaker 3: 1:37:12

I don't. I think that you and I have had some not disagreements about Maureen, but we have interpreted things differently. I know that you said in one of the earlier episodes that essentially Maureen still missed Wayne's dad. You know she had a longing for him, or something.

Speaker 2: 1:37:37

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:37:40

I am going to be reading too much of my personal experience into this. I cannot say that this is what the writers meant or what the showrunner means or anything else. I didn't take that to mean that Maureen actually missed Wayne senior to an extent that it risked her relationship with Calvin. I think that she would do that in order to make sure that Calvin knew that she could leave in the right place.

Speaker 3: 1:38:10

And I am not saying that she doesn't have some feelings for that. I'm saying that she never reached out to Wayne, any of the Waynes, like she didn't reach out to her family at all. Right, so if she felt like she missed him that much, it wasn't enough for her to pick up the goddamn phone and say like hey, I really miss you. It was a way of saying, like they might jeopardize my relationship with you.

Speaker 2: 1:38:44

Calvin, who knows? I didn't take that to be enough of a serious thing that Maureen was doing because she did it only when she was drunk and because she never followed up on it. It's totally valid. You could be 100% right. I don't know. I only have my guesses and I wanted to point out that if you, if you're not Wayne McCullough, senior or junior, it's a pretty there are pretty long odds of you ending up in a dark garage bay suspended by chains and gagged. I think it's like a if you go about your life.

Speaker 3: 1:39:15

You wouldn't expect it.

Speaker 2: 1:39:16

It's a fair bet that it's not something that would. But somehow, like we've already seen wayne, like in this situation at least not exactly this situation, we've seen him. You know, he just gets himself into. I think if you're, if you're just like a, a agent or like a force of disruption, the odds go up, especially when violence is your calling card. So here he is. They do a single of Wayne listening to this and he doesn't. He's not squirming, he's not. There's not a lot he can do, but he's just sort of listening to what Calvin has to say, right.

Speaker 3: 1:39:56

In the same way that Calvin was very calm about everything, Wayne does not seem to be terrified. Not that he doesn't know that there is a danger and that he should be scared, but he is not panicking about this.

Speaker 2: 1:40:11

Right. What percentage of humans would have pissed themselves by now? Probably a lot. Me, a hundred percent of the me's in this room that would have been. I probably would have. He's also doing the thing and I really. It's funny how many times I referenced this, because it's something you said that really stuck with me, but it was. I think it was Rosie O'Donnell talking about studying drunk people. But like, see how Wayne is like being a student of like people right now he doesn't have anything else except watching Calvin to be like how far is this, how bad is this?

Speaker 3: 1:40:44

Yes, yeah that's. I can't remember what it was, but I messaged my older sister one time she has a background in therapy and psychology and all that stuff and I was like I'm a little bit worried about one of my friends, I think I think he's, I think he's going through a manic thing, and she was like okay, what's going on? And I was like nothing, it's just that my spidey senses are tingling, like it's just a familiarity enough with mental health issues, in that way that I was like I, I I can't tell, but I think, and she's like all right, well, monitor it, see what happens. And I was like okay, and then he ended up being fine, like I, whatever was going on with him, he was just off that week yeah, I was like it's.

Speaker 3: 1:41:26

It's my spidey senses. Yeah, right, so it's almost what he's doing. He's just like what? How do I dial in on this?

Speaker 2: 1:41:33

yeah, and, and it's, it's one of his, one of the things that wayne has learned. Um, it's funny as a parent, uh, you haven't had this experience, boss. But um, when you raise children, one of the really diabolical um byproducts of that is they study you. So there's no fooling that. They know, they have got, they have memorized how your body works, where you go, what you do. It's crazy, it's like second nature. And so they can comment on things that you had no idea. They start to build this lexicon of your, let's say how you carry yourself or how, because they can read your mood.

Speaker 2: 1:42:19

My kids tell me, they can tell what kind of mood I'm in. I'm usually in a good mood. I try to wake up, and I do. I wake them up every morning and I do silly voices, and I not in an annoying way, hopefully, but I try to like. I just try to be upbeat when I'm, I don't like starting the day coming out of a beautiful sleep, so I always try to make it nice and peaceful for them.

Speaker 2: 1:42:40

My dad used to wake me up by flicking the lights and singing Reveille, and so I'm not I'm not that I will wake them up with you know, I rub their legs and I gently talk to them and say funny things and try to get them to laugh to start the day, whatever stuff like that.

Speaker 2: 1:42:58

So, um, but they're, they're like, oh, we know what kind of mood you're in by, like, how you come down the stairs, like we know, and I'm like what? Like, because you're like, I never asked to be analyzed this way, but you don't, you don't have a choice of it. When you're spending all your time with you know that's all they have to do is look at the power source or look at the authority you know sort of structure and go okay, how do we read this really fascinating stuff? You just it's they don't ever tell you this in the parenting, uh, pamphlet. You know they don't go oh yeah, get ready to be like in a theater production of your own making for 25 years, and so your kids are. But and the side, the the best part of it is because they're so good at it and because I've raised them in a house where we're all funny and joke around all the time. Now they just, you know, annihilate me, like they are yes, it is.

Speaker 2: 1:43:47

It's like a roast every day where I'm the roasty. You know it's, it's, it's the. It is the best thing in the whole world. But like, like, you're really undermanned going up against four kids that are funny, you know, so it's amazing.

Speaker 3: 1:44:00

I like to think of myself as fairly introspective and also not precious about myself. Like I will point out my own flaws and feel comfortable with that. And then my niece did an impression of me one time and I was like I'm, I'm dead yeah, oh, yeah, yeah once that seal gets broken.

Speaker 2: 1:44:20

You're like that's what's coming out.

Speaker 3: 1:44:22

That's how people see me. This is what I sound like, uh, on video. This is what my recorded voice sounds like fuck fuck me.

Speaker 2: 1:44:30

Well, she's got that in her in her bag of tricks. Is an impression of you. You just don't for some reason. If you're not like a narcissist, you don't assume that will. All my kids have an. They have six impressions of me. They're like here's dad when he's mad, I'm a dumb fucking gorilla or whatever. I'm like, oh my God, oh my God. You're like, oh my God. Here's dad when I'm meeting someone for the first time. Here's dad when I'm talking to on a business call and you go, oh, oh, like it is murder.

Speaker 3: 1:44:58

It is murder the worst part is that I know part of it is that they have watched me do an impression of Kathy. They have watched me.

Speaker 2: 1:45:06

Oh God, and that is like that behavior for them.

Speaker 3: 1:45:10

It's like the drug. It's like I learned it by watching you. I learned it by like the drug. It's like I learned it by watching you. I learned it by like fuck, I taught you how to do that.

Speaker 2: 1:45:19

Yeah, god fucking damn it. So wayne is studying calvin because he has nothing else to do. He's got a gag in his mouth, he's suspended, uh. Calvin says what the fuck do I have to be jealous for? Now he's in frame, we're on wayne, but calvin is uh frame left and we just get the back of his shoulder. He's asking wayne what the fuck do I have to be jealous? Jealous, for, uh, she's up here giving me that ass. That's his mom he's talking about and his girlfriend like that's.

Speaker 3: 1:45:45

That's what you prioritize. That is the first thing that you say about her, about the woman you've chosen to spend the last 15 or 11 years of your life with I mean, is that not cool?

Speaker 2: 1:45:56

that's what I say about juliana, all the time.

Speaker 1: 1:45:58

I'm pretty sure I said all the time on this podcast. Yeah, but did he say?

Speaker 2: 1:46:01

she's giving me? Yeah, she's giving, but it's wayne's mom, that's. He's, I mean that's, but but he is not thinking of wayne as wayne, he is thinking of wayne as wayne senior.

Speaker 3: 1:46:07

Oh, yeah, what he would say to wayne senior is oh, she's fucking me, she's not fucking. But he is not thinking of Wayne as Wayne, he is thinking of Wayne as Wayne Sr. Oh yeah, what he would say to Wayne Sr is oh, she's fucking me, she's not fucking you.

Speaker 2: 1:46:19

Well, she's giving me that ass, and he's well, you know.

Speaker 3: 1:46:24

But he's dead.

Speaker 2: 1:46:29

That's cruel, that is, that's fucked. Calvin is very. Calvin is very calmly. This is a version of twisting the knife.

Speaker 3: 1:46:41

So he is trying to. I don't know if it's actually working for Wayne. I think that, given the hurt that Maureen just inflicted by telling Wayne that he had to leave, this is fucking nothing. This is not a motion.

Speaker 2: 1:47:00

He had a wound that was cauterized by Maureen, so this is fucking child's play. It's a good point that he is at least trying to intimidate Wayne.

Speaker 3: 1:47:09

Yes, he is trying to injure Wayne and Wayne is like you think I fucking give a shit about this. Oh, you're trying to injure Wayne and Wayne is like you think I fucking give a shit about this. Like, oh, you're going to point out my dad is dead.

Speaker 2: 1:47:17

Well, he mentions yeah, go ahead, Sorry go.

Speaker 3: 1:47:19

No, just somebody. I can't remember what it was. At some point one time, online or otherwise, someone was like oh, you're just a fucking bitch. And I was like, yeah, start with something I haven't heard since I was in second grade. You think bitch is going to hurt my feelings Like I was a Dave Matthews band fan? You can't hurt me, I can't. I don't know what you want.

Speaker 2: 1:47:41

Yeah, you're a goddamn Dave Matthews fan.

Speaker 3: 1:47:44

Your music sucks yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:47:46

I've heard it all before, yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:47:47

All right, so that TV show is terrible Okay.

Speaker 2: 1:47:50

Wayne being a Wayne show is terrible. Okay, wayne being uh wayne the show, not the person. The the wayne the wayne show being the wayne show, we're gonna get some humor, some weird fucking twisted humor, uh, woven into this. So calvin references she's giving me that ass and he's well, whatever. And then out of no, we don't see. What we see is now we're behind Wayne, we pivoted, we're looking over Wayne's shoulder at Calvin, like leaning in to do the intimidation thing, and then we hear Reggie's voice. And what does he say? Boss, I want you to say it.

Speaker 3: 1:48:22

Gross, he ain't lying. And then they turn Our rooms are right next to each other, which is like. And then he starts doing the bed creaking, like it's like. He hey, reggie Calvin isn't your bro like. Even if he were your bro talking him up like that would be a little bit weird.

Speaker 2: 1:48:43

like it's so fucking weird.

Speaker 3: 1:48:49

Reggie is not okay so him saying he ain't lying.

Speaker 2: 1:48:52

I'm with him all last night and he just all last night and he just all fucking night and you go like Wayne even makes a face like what the fuck is wrong with you?

Speaker 3: 1:49:07

Yes, it's extremely weird. It's not an Oedipal complex exactly no An Oedipal. I should have said that, yeah, oedipal, o adipal complex exactly no, an edible. I should have said that, yeah, complex it, but it's almost like you should listen again. I try to be as sex positive as possible, but I don't think you should be cheerleading your parents sex life. They don't want it. You shouldn't want to do that. You shouldn't be like, yeah, way to make another baby fucking great. I'll bet she's real satisfied.

Speaker 2: 1:49:38

That's uncomfortable for everybody involved okay, fine, I won't say it as much as I do that. I'll try to. I'll try to. I will try to hold back about my sex positivity in front of my children. Um, yeah, I don't know it's just like a weird it's so weird reggie's so weird. He's so, but I mean it's.

Speaker 3: 1:49:59

I mean this dude the character is amazing, but also in real life. I I am a prison, uh, abolitionist and I would want him put away someplace safe. Someplace safe and good and clean and nice for him. But I don't want him out in the world where other people are, where I live, no, it's so, so it is.

Speaker 2: 1:50:24

So I, I, it's almost like when you watch it you couldn't laugh at it Cause it was so like it wasn't like ha ha, funny, you're just like what the fuck you actually make the face that Wayne says You're so broken. Calvin says if you think I need any more reminders of that piece of shit. And we cut back to Wayne and then to Calvin and he says coming around here, fuck it with my fucking TV room. And Reggie says trying Fucking with my fucking TV room. And Reggie says trying to jack my fucking ride. And now I didn't notice.

Speaker 2: 1:51:02

But Calvin has put the other welding glove on. We pull back so that the torch is in frame and then we see so this is intimidating. So you'd like these with a sparker. It's just this little thing with a Flint. It's got a little Flint tip on it and you replace the Flint when it goes and you just like it just drags the Flint across like what looks like the tip of a comb, sort of like a little serrated sort of thing that makes sparks and that's what lights the gas that you're coming out, coming out of the torch is a mixture, uh, in this case.

Speaker 2: 1:51:41

And um, he lights it right in front of wayne and it's it's jarring in in this dark garage. It is like it's like the sun right, yeah, and wayne has a reaction to that. This, this sucker, is hot. If you've ever been around it, it is. It is hot, hot, hot. And he starts it out with a ton of gas flowing. So it's like, really, it's not. When you weld, you don't weld with like this huge flame. You get it smaller and then you get, and then you sort of can can do a little more specific, specific work. But, um, what does he do here with it once it's lit? Wayne is a little freaked out by this, actually.

Speaker 3: 1:52:15

Yeah, At this point he is no longer cool. He is starting to flail and squirm. Reggie comes over and says hold, fucking still, Stop fucking moving. Calvin grabs a candle presumably one of Maureen's, maybe sexy, but maybe only sexy in name and melts it. And the only thing that I like, of course it's gonna melt. It's a fucking candle. I understand what he was going for. He wanted to be like do you see how hot it is? But he didn't melt like metal with it. It is supposed to melt metal. And he's like you see how well this goes through wax? It's like yeah, well, so does string buddy, this isn't as intimidating as you think it is.

Speaker 3: 1:52:58

Watch me melt this cheese, fucking exactly.

Speaker 2: 1:53:04

Watch me melt this ice cube with this acetylene. Yeah, no, that's what it is a candle.

Speaker 3: 1:53:10

You're not going to use the candle as the implement with which to torture Wayne, so you're just wasting time.

Speaker 2: 1:53:18

Yeah, no, he's just a dumb ass, he's a dumb ass. And as he is doing this, we hear what are we here? What was the audio cue? Hold on, I got to turn this up for a second so I can back it up. Let's see. Oh, that's what it was. Yeah, what the the universal. We hear the beep of a car. That was the audio cue.

Speaker 3: 1:53:42

Although when I say universal, I do not mean the car that I had as recently as seven years ago, because that did not have the automatic door locks, the beeping. I had to go around to each single door and pop that bad boy opener shut and it had the roll-down windows Ford Focus. It was fucking great. I actually loved it.

Speaker 2: 1:54:04

My dad used to buy cars that had the roll-down window. He would intentionally get the roll-down window and I was like Dad, why do we have? I never would swear at him. I would say, dad, why would you get the roll down window? And I was like dad, what the like, why do we have? I never would swear at him. I would say, like dad, what? Why would you get the roll down window? He's like cause if, if you ever get your car goes into a river or a lake, those will short circuit and you cannot get them. I'm like how often, how often.

Speaker 3: 1:54:33

Tell me how many times. It only needs to happen once, that's it One time and then you're fucked.

Speaker 2: 1:54:36

You'll be damn glad you had those rolled down. That's my dad.

Speaker 3: 1:54:40

Yeah, one time it happens.

Speaker 2: 1:54:43

Unbelievable. Anyway, they're like what is going on? Who's here and who the fuck is that? And so he puts the settling torch down.

Speaker 3: 1:54:59

This whole country's going to shit is don't go nowhere.

Speaker 2: 1:55:01

Whole country's going to shit. You can't just torture your girlfriend's son and and what is this world coming to? Yeah, why can't you just like burn someone alive? Uh, actually, why can't you just melt?

Speaker 3: 1:55:07

melt a erotic candle this is the thing I need to mention. I can't remember the name of it right now. I think it was body of evidence, the movie with, uh, willem dafoe and madonna that came out in the early 90s and it was supposed to be like the follow-up, the sexy thriller follow-up after basic instinct. Not not the same people, but like supposed to be in the same vein of movie. Yeah, and all I remember is her like welt melting wax on willem dafoe during a sex scene. It was in the actual commercial. Do you see how weird and sexy this is? And this was at an age where I used to intentionally dip my fingers into the wax in order to pull it off and I'm like I don't think that's that impressive guys, maybe it's a weird sex thing, but it's definitely not that hot. It's wax. It melts right away.

Speaker 2: 1:55:55

So, growing up as a very average white boy in america, um, my, um, I learned a lot. Well, I didn't learn a lot, but I I was in the age range where this a film called weird science. Have you seen weird science? Oh yes, okay and so kelly lebrorock, who was a goddess, had this line where she's like oh, it's nothing, you know, chips, dips, wax on the nipples. And I was like wait wax on the nipples.

Speaker 2: 1:56:20

I was like who the fuck? I just remember that age being like really Wait, is that a thing? Do people do that? Yeah, yeah. I'm like yeah, you talk to your friend. You'd be like have you ever done like wax in the nipple? I just got a text from Coach Bishop, by the way, while we're talking, and I texted him like 11 hours ago. Of course, he just texted me back like what's up?

Speaker 3: 1:56:48

Oh, there you go, you got to get that stuff in there. Yeah, no, I have seen Weird Science many times. This is also where I would like to Petition whoever has the Ability, both legal and Technologically. If we could replace Every single thing that Ricky Schroeder has ever been in with Anthony Michael Hall, I feel like that would be a pretty vast improvement. The Ricker Nah, he sucks now Like mega sucks. Wait, doesn't Anthony Michael Hall too? I feel like that would be a pretty vast improvement. The Ricker no, he sucks now. Oh, really Like mega sucks, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:57:16

Wait, doesn't Anthony Michael Hall too? I don't think so.

Speaker 3: 1:57:19

I'm going to have to double check, but I don't think so.

Speaker 2: 1:57:21

Just double check your work. We should replace him. No, I don't know, I can't say. I just remember him being on steroids for something and I was like oh, oh.

Speaker 3: 1:57:29

God, that's not the same. He just had to do that for the Dead Zone TV show that was for a job.

Speaker 2: 1:57:38

It was for something a while ago. It was just a comeback movie and he was like the big thick and I was like no, I like him as the shit-talking fast-talker.

Speaker 3: 1:57:48

He's a bigger guy now. He was also. He wasn't the mayor in Batman. He was somebody in Batman, though he was in fucking Batman.

Speaker 2: 1:57:55

Why do they have to grow up? I like them as puppies, boss, you know when they're little and then they grow up and they fill out and they turn into, you know.

Speaker 3: 1:58:05

I mean, I've had to say this to you twice today already. But is it because of the forward linear motion of time?

Speaker 2: 1:58:11

I think that's it. Yeah, I think that's something I'm coping with, um, so we, we get a shot now which is like it's just crazy. It just as as a as a juxtaposition for what is happening in the garage. We get a little Nissan leaf and coming out of it are who?

Speaker 3: 1:58:36

Oh, that would be God damn it. I'm forgetting both of their names Sergeant Geller and Jay Linetti. Yeah, and Officer Jay, they're in their street clothes Gun Eddie, goal Eddie, I need to double check that, jay Gunetti.

Speaker 2: 1:58:50

Jay Gunetti, that's it and Cop of Soup, aka Cop of Soup, cop of Soup, there we go. And he's in his comfies, remember, because he doesn't have like, he has work clothes and he has comfies.

Speaker 3: 1:59:03

And that's it.

Speaker 2: 1:59:03

Nowhere in between no.

Speaker 3: 1:59:05

Also, he just popped up on an episode of Psych that I was re-watching not so long ago.

Speaker 2: 1:59:14

Nice, so long ago. Nice, I like that. So, Officer Geller, Sergeant Geller is in his floral ensemble or not really an ensemble floral sort of Tommy Bahama shirt. He's got his belt on and his sort of casual slacks. And they approach and Calvin comes out and what does he say?

Speaker 3: 1:59:35

He says whatever shit you need, whatever shit you're selling, I don't need or I already got.

Speaker 2: 1:59:43

Exactly right, and he thinks they're door-to-door salespeople and they have a thing where they walk out of the garage and you still can't see in the garage. Where they walk out of the garage and you still can't see in the garage, and that's because they have, um, what it is is, uh, it's, it's a series of plastic. It's like 20 mil plastic. I don't know what. I try to figure out how to describe this to people who don't know. Do you have a word, a term, is there like a? I only know this because we had this in my, my dad's factory, where I worked. Uh, we had these like windscreen things, but it's just basically like a series of plastic sort of divide it's not a plastic sheet.

Speaker 3: 2:00:25

Yes, it's just strips of plastic in order to keep most of the stuff inside and most of the stuff outside yeah, it's like a screen door for a garage, except plastic and you can just push it.

Speaker 2: 2:00:34

It's like curtains of of plastic. You just push it open and whatever, but you can't also means you can't see in and it's perfect because it's like this is actually it's. I just love that they know that this is discolored properly, like yes, it's. This started out as clear, translucent sort of see-through plastic and it's just so banged up and weather-beaten that it's now disgusting and, you know, opaque and it's just awesome.

Speaker 3: 2:01:01

Yeah, also, anthony Michael Hall might be an asshole, so maybe I take back what I said.

Speaker 2: 2:01:06

Yeah, I'm going to need to investigate further. All of a sudden, timmy Chablis is looking pretty good.

Speaker 3: 2:01:11

So put that out there. I don't have a problem with him. He's just not for me. This is like fucking Led Zeppelin. I don't like Led Zeppelin either. I'm not saying they're not a great rock band. I'm saying I don't dig it.

Speaker 2: 2:01:26

Yeah, no, it's fine. They are a great rock band. Yeah, great.

Speaker 3: 2:01:29

I know that they have three good songs.

Speaker 2: 2:01:30

I know that they have to be good songs, I know, you know that. So now Geller flips out his identification Sergeant Geller, brockton Mass Police Department. And what does Calvin say Now? Calvin is standing in the foreground. The camera is going back and forth between the sort of two parties why do I want to say Jay and Silent Bob? Jay and Sergeant Gennetti are shoulder to shoulder, sort of like equals. Jay is much bigger than Gennetti. No wait, jay is Gennetti. Jay is much bigger than Sergeant Geller. But in Calvin and Reggie's side it's Calvin in the foreground, leaning like a what the fuck do you want? Cowboy kind of, you know, like I'm the sheriff of this town and you got dumbass Reggie in a he's in a black tank. They both have big gold chains on top on that has a faded skull with a crown on it, with a golden gold leaf, sort of filigree crown, and underneath the, the faded skull. What is that?

Speaker 3: 2:02:45

is it a cicada? It's got to be a butterfly of some sort. It looks like the um silence of the lambs butterfly actually it looks like pretty moth like.

Speaker 2: 2:02:52

No, no, I don't see the back, the back, wing the back, but it doesn't matter, it's just what the fuck is he wearing?

Speaker 3: 2:02:59

yeah I don't know who actually designed this shirt. Um, I will say it's vaguely ed hardy-ish to me, although right, although uh knock off ed hard Knock off Ed Hardy. The only thing I really know about Ed Hardy is that one time I told a friend of mine that Tom Hardy is extremely attractive and she said do you mean the guy that makes t-shirts? I was like, nope, no. I do not mean Ed Hardy I don't know what he looks like, I'm not interested in his clothes.

Speaker 2: 2:03:30

Tom Hardy also difficult to deal with, rumor has it, I am sure not great to be around, great to look at it's a damn shame. Oh beautiful, beautiful man and super talented, super talented, but even he couldn't make tattoo work, remember that show tattoo tattoo had.

Speaker 2: 2:03:47

It was a show on, I think it was fx that had literally everything I like and and of it worked. It was like the East India Company and there was Maritime Law and there was Couldn't do it. No, all this. There was the Occult and there was Doesn't matter. Yeah, it was amazing. It was amazing.

Speaker 3: 2:04:05

And it was a terrible show. Combined power of Tom Hardy and Cillian Murphy could not make me sit through all of Peaky Blinders. Hardy and Killian Murphy could not make me sit through all of Peaky Blinders First season Sure, because they were beating up people with hats because they had razor blades in them and Killian Murphy is a beautiful elf man and I enjoyed everything about that. Couldn't make it through more than three seasons. I was like they're fucking doing what now? Okay, all right?

Speaker 2: 2:04:27

No, I'm glad you call. Killian Murphy is one of those people, so I'm glad you brought him up because he's he's the one. That's not for me, oh, he's not for you. No, no, he like and I and I love it when women are like, oh my god, he's like, he's so hot. I'm like like he looks, whatever, he's just not. I don't attack him. He's a great actor and I hear a great guy, um, but like when he I remember him being like the bat man when I was like oh yeah, no, no no, whatever you're laying down.

Speaker 2: 2:04:54

I'm not picking it up bro.

Speaker 3: 2:04:56

When he literally showed up, when he showed up in the Dark Knight Rises when I don't think people were thinking he would be back. It was sort of a surprise when he came up and he was shockingly hot in the way that I didn't know he was going to be there. And then I saw him and in the way that, like I didn't know he was going to be there, and then I saw him and in the theater I went like literally that loud I love.

Speaker 2: 2:05:20

Yeah, right, we were probably on the same message board at Pajama at the time when that happened, and, and, and you were among whatever number, like the, a vast number of women writers who were were, and also gay men writers and straight men writers some street were like yeah they were like god damn, he's a beaut and I'm like I don't even know, I don't even know it's, I cannot see it.

Speaker 2: 2:05:43

It's like literally like I'm wearing different glasses and I I'm like I don't know what you're looking at. But anyway, it doesn't matter, cut my hand on those cheekbones. I love it, okay, so anyway, it's a good poll, because I, he's not for you. No, no, god like no, I think everybody's for me but him, I'm like I don't even. What about Eric Bana? I think he's Eric Bana Eric.

Speaker 3: 2:06:08

Bana. How do you feel about him In terms of attractiveness?

Speaker 2: 2:06:13

I think he's gorgeous.

Speaker 3: 2:06:16

Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2: 2:06:17

Gorgeous.

Speaker 3: 2:06:18

He's the one that the boyfriend thinks he's like. I am straight, but Eric Bana don't care.

Speaker 2: 2:06:26

He's like all man. To me he is a man.

Speaker 3: 2:06:29

He's a manly man.

Speaker 2: 2:06:30

I'm also a huge Hector fan. Oh okay, in Troy, in the whole Trojan thing. I'm also a huge Hector fan oh okay, in Troy, in the whole Trojan thing. I'm a Greek. My mother was born in Greece. I was raised Greek and I always would get in arguments I'd be like, but can we talk about why Hector got fucked in this whole thing? I would say that's fucked. I wouldn't say it to my mom, but I'm like have you read this story? Sometimes would say that, fuck, I wouldn't say it to my mom, but I'm like have you read this story? Sometimes stories take on the life of their own. Yes, you know what I mean. And so you then you're like oh, jack and the beanstalk, and you don't stop to think, hey, the giants didn't do fucking anything you know what I mean like what are we talking about?

Speaker 2: 2:07:04

like how did he get? Wrapped into this, yeah like guys minding his own business, thinks he's away from these troublemaking humans, and so with this I'm always like Hector has to be a good big brother. He's Priam's son, His little shitty brother has to go and pick the one person you don't pick or whatever. You know whatever happened, depending on who.

Speaker 3: 2:07:25

Got to get wrapped up in all this bullshit.

Speaker 2: 2:07:27

And now he's got to go. He has to like fight and die and you die and be dragged around. I don't think it's a spoiler for anyone. I don't know if anyone's waiting on reading the Iliad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, spoiler is that Hector doesn't make it the whole way 4,000 year spoiler.

Speaker 3: 2:07:52

Yeah, I mean it's been around for 4,000 years, so it's enough give or take. I'm going to say a thing at you and you're not going to like it, but you are going to laugh and you're not going to like that. You're laughing at it. Somehow, craig and I ended up watching the movie Troy, which is not great. I believe it was New Year's Day and we were hungover as shit and I said something to him and he was like it's menelaus whose bitch it was. And then that became a thing that he and I would say to each other for some reason, like I was referring to helen of troy and I called her husband the wrong one, like no, no, no, menelaus whose bitch he was. And I still sometimes, whenever I see uh, dan kruger, I'm like, oh, menelaus whose it was, and it makes me laugh every time.

Speaker 2: 2:08:34

Listen. First of all, do you know that the film Troy, the script for the film Troy, was written by David Benioff, who was one of these? I did not know that. Yeah, benioff. And so Benioff is one of the most talented writers, even now working in Hollywood, and he always was, and he's a head and he's like a real tear above everyone else, and troy was was his um, that was like his coming out party. I remember I worked in the industry back at that time and I remember like we all read troy, going like god damn, like holy shit, this guy's good, it was that good and then it's. You never know when you know, sometimes you read a script and you go my god and it like, but it was not, it was universally good. And then it's, you never know when you know, sometimes you read a script and you go my God and it like, but it was not, it was universally regarded as like, it was like a flex, it was so good.

Speaker 3: 2:09:21

Oh, I might've told you this already and if I have feel free to stop me, Uh, Peter.

Speaker 2: 2:09:25

Sagal, I want to say that's co-creators of Game of Thrones, writer and showrunner of Game of Thrones. For people who don't know who David Benioff, who I was referencing Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 3: 2:09:36

Peter Sagal. He's the host of Wait, wait, don't Tell Me NPR and he got his start as a writer. He wanted to write novels and then he got into screenwriting. If I've told you this, I apologize. I tell stories over and over again. He wrote a coming of age story about a boy in cuba right before the revolution getting involved in the communist party and getting involved in the revolution and how that changed him as a person, how it changed his romantic relationship and how he became sort of disillusioned but he still believed in the overall cause and it this whole like very rich in the history of Cuba and the Cuban revolution and everything that it was supposed to represent and what it eventually actually became. And the movie gets made eventually and there's an interview. It was actually this American life. So Ira Glass says to him well, that sounds amazing. Did the movie ever get made? And Peter Sagal said oh, it did. It eventually became Dirty Dancing 2, havana Nights.

Speaker 2: 2:10:37

Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 3: 2:10:40

So sometimes you make a movie, sometimes you write something and by the time the product is finished it's not exactly what you were thinking it was going to be. Sometimes it's slightly different, if you're lucky If you're lucky.

Speaker 2: 2:10:53

I'm telling you lucky, the first. I'm telling you the first, the first comedy, the first comedy I, the first comedy I ever sold in hollywood. So it's very common for screenwriters like, well, it's hard to sell, it's like a, it's great if you can sell because there's there's wga minimums and things like that. You make a good, good chunk of change if you can sell something. But the first one I sold, um, you know thinking oh, oh, can't wait for this to be a movie like you don't know, you know you have no idea. And and then you have to. You have, uh, contractual rewrites and things like that. And they kept saying to me I don't want to say I can say which one. So they used to say can we make it more like dinner for schmucks? Can we make it more like dinner for schmucks? And I was like that movie has not come out. It was only a script at that point and I'm like I kept like killing guys, like I don't know if that's gonna hit, like I don't and it didn't.

Speaker 3: 2:11:44

And the reason that you're right now googling wait which one was dinner for schmucks is because it somehow had the combined star power power of steve carell and paul rudd and they still couldn't make it work.

Speaker 2: 2:11:55

And a bunch of other people. There was tons of talent in that film and it just didn't. But that was the big thing. The studio executive was saying to me Can you just make it more?

Speaker 3: 2:12:07

like I was like I could, but I wouldn't feel good about it.

Speaker 2: 2:12:14

It's so crazy, oh God, okay. So listen, we have this moment here where Calvin and Reggie are squared off against Sergeant Geller and Jay Gannetti, officer Jay Cop of Soup, and Calvin says you're a long way from your shithole and actually I want to leave it there today. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's a weird place to leave it, but I think we'll leave it there. I want to give myself-.

Speaker 3: 2:12:47

I'm tired of talking to me.

Speaker 2: 2:12:49

No, god, no, not, no, no, no. Au contraire, I've had a wonderful time. I don't think coach will be with us next time. I think he's. I think he's gone for one more episode. So for those of you who are only tuning in for coach Bishop, I'm very sorry.

Speaker 2: 2:13:10

We only tune in for him as well. We really get it. We feel your pain. This, this is a uh, just a shadow of itself as a podcast without the great uh coach bishop. But uh, we will endeavor to try to keep your attention until he returns. Um, boss, uh, where do people find you if they want to find you?

Speaker 3: 2:13:30

um is. You can find me on threads which is emilychambers.31, um. Also, I'm trying to get on blue sky more. I'm there. It's dumbly underscore chambers, um, and I'm trying to split my time more evenly so both places love it. And also, of course, I say this every week, and every week, I could feel your, your eyes on me Writing for the antagonist, which is antagonist blogcom.

Speaker 2: 2:13:58

It's not. It's not judgment. We everyone's busy. We do our best, we do our best. Thank you everybody. Thank you for listening. Please support your local libraries and the written word and raise better boys. Go out there and raise some better boys. It'll make a big difference. I promise we will be back with what is going to be. This will be three, so part four, Part four. She's got our number. She said stretch every little thing into four episodes. It's not going to go longer than four.

Speaker 3: 2:14:29

I'll tell you, Were you trying to reference the song Jenny's got her number.

Speaker 2: 2:14:35

Oh, no, no, that would be wordplay which you know I don't cotton to. You don't cotton to, I don't love the wordplay, don't love the puns, don't love the word stuff. Sometimes you can trick me and I can like it, but anyway, thank you, thank you everybody, thank you for listening, thank you for joining us today. Please join us as we finish up Wayne, episode nine. Thought we Was Friends.

Speaker 2: 2:15:01

I promise, if you have not seen this episode of Wayne and you're just following along, you will not believe what happens next. You will not believe it. And I got to see Coach watch it for the first time. But I boss does what boss does, did what boss does and her and craig uh, decided to watch ahead and I did not get to see, live and in living color, her reaction to what's about to happen. But it's not something that shows do. It's not at all. You know, when you watch a show and you go, yeah, I know who's gonna, the killer is in the first five minutes or whatever you go like I know you know that kind of thing, they didn't, they did not give you any hints like, yeah, right, am I? Am I exaggerating, boss? There's, there's no way to know the next thing that happens right.

Speaker 3: 2:15:54

Correct, although what I was more blown away with in this episode comes after that. So the next one is phenomenal.

Speaker 2: 2:16:03

But then there's something after that the final thing is, so mental it's not even, but we shouldn't be talking about this much.

Speaker 3: 2:16:11

This is like why speak out of class.

Speaker 2: 2:16:13

No, no, yeah, this is just, and this is not a it sounds. It sounds very corporate, like we're we're building in a cliffhanger and we're not, we're just telling you, actually, this is, it's, it's, it's a double the insanity, but we're each referencing different things that are mind blowing and and they're equally not so, uh and amazing, and one of the reasons why, uh, I just adore the show, um, but so, pick, join us next time and uh, and you'll hear the uh, the conclusion to, uh, this episode of Wayne, um, thank you everybody, thank you for joining us and until next time, boss, all by your lonesome.

Speaker 3: 2:16:52

We are Richmond till. We can't think of anything. Sorry, orlando, I'm letting you down.

Speaker 2: 2:17:01

Oh God, what a Boy. We need coach back. Yeah God, that's a rough way to end, it's brutal. Sorry, apologies everybody, we'll try to do better.

Speaker 3: 2:17:10

Luke, if we could just cut in a little bit of Orlando here, that would be ideal any orlando saying anything at any time if we could get him going wow that would be ideal.

Speaker 2: 2:17:22

All right, thanks everybody. We'll see you next time.