Living all Alone

Creating some context on individualism vs collectivism and how it may affect our community. 

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You're invited to this thought-provoking experience to explore how people view topics of the world. We offer viewpoints and opinions all in good faith for the sake of growth with one another. Dare to step out of the box and join me, Fleetwood, your host, as we bend the needle to uh. Hello, hello, hello, hello. Welcome back. Welcome back to Move the Crowd. So it's a little late this evening, but I kind of stumbled on some information on yesterday, and to be honest, I really didn't have a topic in mind. I was really trying to get some content to come up with this next episode, and I kind of stumbled into it. And it's very intriguing. It's still fresh, so I'm probably going to make another part to this, but I just wanted to get what I had, you know, out on the platform to create some buzz so we can have some conversations about it, perhaps, and maybe even have a couple of people, you know, on the panel call in and kind of you know give some feedback and some of their thoughts on this stuff about exactly what their thoughts are and how familiar they are with what we're going to be talking about tonight. So we're going to name this episode Living All Alone. And the context is going to be we're going to be talking about the mindset of individualism versus the mindset of collectivism. Individualism versus versus collectivism. So what got me on this road is I heard a term probably Friday, and it basically summed up something or how I've been feeling about what I've been experiencing from different people in different situations for probably a little over a year. And it was it was the term is hyper-individualism. And as it's as it was described, and I looked it up a couple of different times, it's in essence someone that keeps themselves above the status quo, above a group, above uh generalities. So basically, it's difficult to ever pin a cultural or a generational or a uh gender, any any kind of group or generality. There's never going to be a conversation that's going to encompass a person with a hyper-individual aspect because they're always going to only think of themselves as being superior to whatever the conversation is. That's my understanding of it. So I dig a little deeper and I get into an article that talks about individualism versus collectivism, and it's very intriguing. And I got a couple of things that I really want to um, you know, unpack and talk about. And like I said, put it out on the platform and perhaps circle back around to it with some different people and see if we could kind of discuss this and you know, uh put some more meat on the bones per se. So this article that I have, I think is pretty spot on from my experiences. You know, I'm getting the context of the terminology after experiencing these separate events with different people in different times over a period of time. So, you know, this is one of the answers that comes after the experiences. So collectivism is to is said to stress the importance of the community while individualism is focused on the rights and concerns of each person, unity and selfness or altruism are valued traits of collectivism culture, independence and personal identity are promoted in individualistic cultures. Now, for me, this explains a lot of missteps that I hear a lot of people I've seen and I've experienced for myself when dealing with people. Um it's been said that our generation and our people now are very individualistic, and it's uh it's a culture that, of course, being individual, everybody sees themselves as an as in a separate entity, and that would really explain for the people myself. I'm more community-oriented. That would explain why it's so difficult to understand or to have people believe in being collective. I myself was ignorant to the two differences. I was I myself believed that when you were self-righteous only about yourself, because I used to be this way. I used to be very introverted and very into myself and only worried about myself goals. And maybe because the temperature was different when I was, you know, a teenager, I was heavily looked upon differently because I was not collective. And what I mean by collective, I mean positively collective. Because of course, you have collectivism on corners, you have collectivism in gangs, you have collectivism, a lot of different things that aren't necessarily positive. I had to make some adjustments because for me, my peace and my happiness comes from a more collective standpoint. Fast forward to now where it seems the culture has been shifted to individualisms, and I'm only concerned, you know, I'm really wondering is this more of residue from the era of the absent father where it was kind of I don't want to say celebratory, but single family homes, or I'm sorry, single parent homes were were heavily exposed under a microscope, and a lot of vocal and a lot of publicity was really emphasized about the singleness of our homes. So that makes me wonder was this individualistic culture manufactured to further fragment the community of the African Americans living all alone. I find it difficult for someone, and you know, I guess let's say this first and foremost, with this conversation, I think you would have to do your research and understand are you communicative or are you individualistic? And then I would really suggest that you look at some of the people around you, and that may explain some of your impasses, some of your differences in communication. You can find yourself saying, Well, you know, how come you don't want to come, you know, to a family function or why don't you encompass something and they just don't want to do it? Again, if if a community person is talking to an individualistic person, this will explain the differences in communication. And this may mitigate some of your frustration if you can identify what culture this person is a part of. Now, I made a reference earlier about was this manufactured? Because that also garners the question for me. What if people aren't really of an individualistic culture, but that's what they were shown? How do we, as people, how do we understand what's the true culture of who we really are? I think it's absolutely possible to be in a c in an individualistic mindset as a reaction to what you saw coming up. So, for lack of a better word, the decision was made for you. So that's all you know. So, how do we open the door so that the person or the people who are interested, you know, once we bring this to the to the table, how do we make this so that they can qualify what side of the fence they really want to be on? I think that's a very relative conversation. Again, I don't know how many people are going to take advantage of that, you know what I mean? But I do believe that is a noteworthy attempt to understand our community a little better. Living all alone. You know, um this is a very captivating talking point that I really believe is going to give some some invaluable dialogue and also some um some impact, I hope. Um, I really want this to be brought to the front so people can identify who and where you are. You know what I mean? So some of the other things, you know, that I really understood about the collective, you know, mindset, which I feel I'm in and I'm happily in. So I'm more promotional about things jointly within the community. I'm more promotional about, you know, of course, being married, about seeing others, you know, wanting to be married and wanting to do the whole building of a community. And it completely helps me understand some frustrating events talking to specific people that don't seem to understand the same view, and to be fair, it's very difficult to understand somebody else's mindset that I was ignorant to, and this is why I feel this is so important. Because if all I understood is collectivism, because I believed in individualism was a very selfish, I was taught that it was selfish, and I felt that way. I felt like I didn't care about anybody else but me. And I've and of course, you know, I I I hit my goals and I got everything I wanted, and I've spoken about this a couple of times on different podcasts. When I'm self-consumed, I can knock out all kinds of goals, but that just wasn't who I was. So now I'm looking at some actual some context saying that we have a group of people that are only concerned with hitting their own goals and their own time and have no concern or regard for anyone outside of themselves. Wow. That's um it's eye-opening. I I don't want to put an emotion to it because that's again, until until we have the opportunity or understand how to qualify why, or if it needs to be qualified, while somebody believes in the individualistic mindset, I mean that may work for them. You know what I mean? Um, I think once you identify that, that will definitely give communication towards the both. You know what I mean? Like if somebody is a collective person and they're talking about individualistic, I don't think the two of them can understand one's viewpoint if the two aren't identified as who are on what side of that coin. I think this is why, so this is this is why so this is so important. Um again, unfortunately, I'm not gonna say I don't want to say that. I don't want to say unfortunately, I'm not trying to to sway the hand of righteousness and wrongness. I used to be that way. And again, and and sometimes I say it, you know, if if I stop caring about people and if I stop worrying about other folks, I can do everything I want to do, you know, with no regard of anybody. And it's it's kind of weird that now the very thing that I considered something I need to grow out of and to be more conscious of other people's feelings, now I'm actually it's being displayed in front of me real time. And it's it's a difficult thing to be a part of. Um, you know, um, it's a struggle for me, you know. Because I've spent most of my early formative years worrying about myself, being very competitive, not comparing caring about anybody else's feelings. That's not something I'm proud of, however. My fight is that I stay on the community side. I don't, me personally, I don't want to go back to being individualistic. And for all intents and purposes, I was pretty damn good at it. I I was pretty good at not caring about nobody but me. And that's just not something that I choose to to exercise or to display. And again, without without having a final conclusion about other people's position in this fight. It's a very heartbreaking thought that day after day, the only thing you care or want is yourself. Um of one of my biggest motivations to be different was of course the birth of my daughter. I it it it was so wrong for me, I felt, to move or to feel or to operate the same way I did before I knew of her versus after. And believe me, it's not something you can just stop doing. You genuinely have to learn how to socialize yourself with like-minded people who teach you compassion, who soften your stance, who give you um compass it gives you feelings, it gives you transparency, it gives you the ability to be vulnerable and not worry about someone hurting you, or not worry about somebody disappointing you, or not worrying about I didn't get what I wanted at the cost of somebody else. It took me some years to learn that because I didn't know a lot of people who were community who could help me, and and and and also I didn't understand how to surround myself with community people to for me to sponge off of them, hence living all alone. I I this topic is still fresh. I just wanted to put some context to it, and um, I know a number of parents who have this feeling about you know, my child doesn't care about anybody but themselves, and it makes sense that the culture that is really moving. This article is from 2019, and they're speaking of how this this wave of individualism is nestled within our community, and the the negative the I'm not gonna say negative, the cons of it, it's staggering. Um, of course, you know, there there's very little community of things, and there's very little effort to to maintain or to protect the community. And uh I don't know if this is, you know, I don't understand if this is waves that come back to community or come back to individualism because as far as I can remember, the African-American community um always was on the community side, I believe. I don't um I'm I believe maybe because of our struggle, you know, segregation, things like that, our grandparents definitely were community. I don't believe that there was a large percentage or any demographic area that promoted individualism within African Americans. I don't I don't know. I don't know that to be you know 100% true, but I don't believe so. Definitely not the way it is now. Um it's it definitely seems to be more of a generational thing. And again, my concern is this, because I gotta take the take the shot on the chin for Gen X. When we had the single, when we have the single moms, when they were left to defend for themselves, did they develop the individualistic temperature within the home to create to well not to create, was it deemed okay to go into survival mode and to only worry about yourself, which created the individualistic culture? Is this a residue of a cultural misstep that we instilled within ourselves? I think that's a fair question. Um, you know, and I say this all the time kids do what they see, not what you say. So if kids constantly see their parent, parent just doing for themselves, and of course being frustrated and verbally saying, you know, I gotta do it by myself and the television and the songs and and the chatter, I gotta do it by myself, I gotta do it by myself. Then I believe the child is going to believe that's all the world is going to give them is nothing, and they have to do it on their own, which lends to where we are now, three generations removed from Gen X. We we had we I think we're on disease, they're in a position now where we're dealing with them. So that's two that's two generations, but we have another generation, I think we're back to alpha. But we are dealing with the residue of separating our community. Um is it possible we can get it back together? You know, I I constantly say this, and and I have to be totally honest. You know, I think the more I'm aware and the more things I read and the more my heart hurts for families, I'm really starting to dislike when I see women's conferences or men's groups. And and don't get me wrong, it's perfectly fine, you know, for you all. It's still, it still bothers me because I don't see anybody promoting family groups. I I see women's day, I don't see family's day. I see uh uh you know men, positive men getting together and talk about, you know, how hard is it to be a man. I don't see you doing things saying how hard it is to be a family. You know, and that goes and that's a knock on both sides. You know, I uh the people that know me know I'm not pro-man, I'm not pro-women, I'm pro-family. You know, I I'm living all alone. All alone. You know, it's of course, right now, it's the status quo for, you know, sisterhood and black girls rock, and you know, and women's conference and and and women's brunch, and and you know, and and uh men's conference and and and and men's town hall and all these different things, all of these separatist ideas. And and and the only reason I'm saying they're separatists is because the one thing that we need more than anything is each other. So when the time comes, and believe me, I am on it. When the time comes where we find a nucleus of people that promote families to offset the women's trips and the men's groups, and you know it's amazing. I can see a picture to find 10 guys together, either Watching football or smoking cigars or riding motorcycles, and I can find 10 women talking about they're on some beach or they're doing mani peties or or you know they're selling jewelry or whatever. But I can't find one group, I can't find one flyer, I can't find one effort of someone that is promoting family. We're never going to get out of the mud if you don't understand how to. Further separating us at the cost of your masculinity or your sisterhood is both derailing, undermining, and it's the cancer that's killing our community. It is killing our community. What kind of message are you sending your children? For mothers that are in women's groups, you're telling your daughters you're fierce and you can be this and you don't worry about a man. You can do this with all your single girlfriends. And what are you telling your son? You're not that important because you can't understand what we do. This is a sisterhood. Fathers, what are you telling your sons when you hang out with the fellas? You know, I don't need to understand how to balance my life with a home to be open to the things my wife needs. I'd rather sit over here and smoke cigars and tell stories that probably aren't true to some other guys who don't have responsibilities either. What are you telling your daughter? Oh, I want to hang with my dad. Well, I can't hang with you right now because the fellas are called the game is on. I need both sides to understand the damage that is being done to our children. You I this I talk about this at exhaust. This stuff is just so repetitive, redundant, and ridiculous. You know, we just went through a thing where people want to talk about the reason repetitive, redundant, and ridiculous. Put those on Facebook. Put that on social media. If you want to do the whole re-thing, you want to re-up. Nah, no, don't do that. Talk about the real reas that are affecting our community. We can't do anything without one another. We just can't. This conversation of individualism versus collectivism, this conversation needs to happen. People need to identify who they are and are they genuinely a part of that culture. Were they gandered there by their upbringing? Were they fostered in by what they didn't see? Or are they following the trend? You have to understand the way you show up in the world so that you can make sure that your legacy is what you need it to be. There's nothing wrong with either one, but there's something wrong when you don't know if you genuinely represent the culture that you're in. If you don't have an identity, you really need to find one. You can't find happiness if you're just existing in a culture that may not lend to what you believe or give you the happiness that you need. Living all alone. Look, I got a couple more things, and y'all know me. I'm I'm out. You know, again, like I said, I'm just trying to get this out so we can have a conversation probably later about this. Um, I got some other things coming up. I'm doing some phenomenal work both in Elizabeth City and in the DMV. Um, I have two phenomenal gentlemen working on both sides that are really opening up some doors, and I'm I'm looking forward to working with both of them. I got JD in the DMV, and I got JT in the EC. Shout out to both of you brothers. I'm looking forward to working with you guys, supporting you guys, and vice versa. And look, man, this this right here is a barn burner, you guys. This is a barn burner. Um let's do a couple more things. Let's just two more, you know. Let's just do two more. So here's another intricacy based on this flip of the coin, I should say. So if you are of the collective mind, and you understand, of course, is how you feel, you know, you want to do everything you can to promote community. You want to do everything you can to promote the forward movement of your community and community of thoughts. You're trying to promote the people to be more loving, to be open, to be understanding, to be flexible, to be forgiving, to give grace. Where does this line of individualism versus collectivism? Where does this line tie into the duties of the Bible? Where because is as far as I remember, a lot of the Bible, of course, is selflessness and community. I I'm trying to understand if the individualistic culture is it organic or is it a reaction to I I want to know is it gandered from dysfunction? Is it gandered from toxicity? Or is it really a thing? You know, because I from a biblical standpoint and from a family standpoint and from a um just from a standpoint of wanting to think forward and to promote growth. I'm trying to understand where the origin of the individualistic culture, where it got so much popularity, is this a community of people who are hurt? Is this a community of people who just gave up on the world? Or is it is it people who um they just want and again for me, for me, I was an introvert. Is this a community for only children? Is this a community for rape victims? What is this community made of? And on the flip side, I again I don't have a dog in this fight. Now the collective community, is this a community for the people who are completely insensitive to whatever somebody may have gone through and they don't want to be around people? Is the collective community? Are you insensitive to people who are hyper focused on their own goals? You know, one thing you I talk about this when it comes to school, and and and and I hear this a lot, and for and the people who can hear my voice, who know me, know I've had this conversation with them for years. I've always said when you talk to a parent about their child, and if you're in PG County, we're in PG County, I'm talking about this. So PG County think they're averaging about 27 children. I'm gonna say 25 to 30 kids per teacher. I'll talk to one parent and I'll say, well, man, you know, the scholastic scores for X, Y, and Z is, you know, let's say the average is a C minus. They will say, my child gets an A. And I'm sorry, and I say, Well, does your child help four or five other children? You know, the village concept. That's not my concern. My concern is my child, individualistic culture. I I just had this conversation 92 weeks ago. I've been saying this forever. How do we promote? And I said this before I realized this, and now it makes sense because I asked the question why don't we understand how to promote study groups? Why don't we offer, you know, to help our classmates? And and instantly I said, because when we were coming up, your parents always said, don't have anybody in my house. So we instantly cut off the vein of village. We we already cut it off. We we don't we don't even understand, and and I guess I'll make this about inner city living. I don't want to make it seem like rural. I don't know what they're doing in rural, but a lot of this context is probably about what I've seen in my lenses inner city. Do we even understand how to promote village to to if if your child is buzzing through school, and do we even understand to say, hey, why don't you have a couple of your classmates come over there, maybe struggling, and see if we can help them? Is that a thing that ever can happen in our community? So that's a specific individualistic thought that I have heard, I've lived through, and will continue to hear forever. And now that it's ingrained within our culture that we all suffer and we're all a fragmented, how do we now put the pick the pieces up and understand that we can't get anything done fragmented? And and and understand this. I'm completely understanding that there's never going to be 100% of anything. I guess my my concern or my question is, and again, this is for the platform, you know, moving forward, should we monitor the percentage of what's what? Where do you feel? Is it 6040? Is it 70-30? Is it a 50-50? No. Uh, you know, should we be more community as a culture to promote the culture? And how do we monitor the individualism? You know what I mean? It's how do we prevent living all alone? I, you know, again, this is just to put some things on the table. I feel like I want you guys, you know, I don't know who I'm gonna get in here. You know, you guys if you have my number or you know, you're on Facebook or something, wherever you see this feed, if you'd like to get on the conversation, send me a message and look it up. I need you to Google individualism versus collectivism and get some information. Let's have some dialogue about this. This can be a two, three-part series because this is very interesting and it directly affects our community. Directly, it affects it affects your parenting as well. Because it seems as though a lot of children are individualism driven. And if you're communicative and your child is individualistic, that's going to be a community problem, a commute, a communication problem, not community, a communication problem. Perhaps you can more effectively assist them if that's what they're gonna say, if that's what they believe, then maybe there's some help out here to help you navigate a child that thinks they want to be an individual mindset. Don't know, you know, just just food for thought. All right, so we're gonna go into this last piece, and I'm gonna get y'all out of here. And I really, really appreciate you guys tuning in to move the crowd. Um, I got a few things that I'm really working on. Again, I told you about the couple of guys, I got something I'm working on personally. Um, I'm really, really excited about how God is using me and the people that He is surrounding me with and having me introduce myself to, and they're introduce themselves to me, and I am excited, and I pray that you all are getting something from this, and please, please, please continue to support and and help me move the crowd. So, this is the last thing, and we're gonna get out of here. So, the last thing I want to talk about with this is the aspect of marriage. Of course, I'm always gonna go back to the greatest relationship possibly ever is marriage. I I wholeheartedly believe that both both people within the marriage need to be on the same side of this fight. I wholeheartedly believe that the both of them need to understand their position and be able to maximize whichever joint position they have for their home. Again, I don't have a dog in this fight. If both of y'all are individualism, that's fine, or both of y'all are collective, that's fine as well. I just think that the communication and the transparency and the identification needs to happen within the home to minimize the confusion of your children and also to give them a chance so they can fairly understand where they may fall in the world. I absolutely believe that if you are confused about how you show up in the world, it's definitely going to stifle your trajectory. The world is hard enough, but when you're confused and don't understand your place in the world or your value in your home, it's very difficult to succeed. That's all I got on that. I don't have a lot on that. I just want to really speak really quickly on being on the same side, and that's almost anything with anything in life. The home of the husband and wife, you all are a tandem, you all are one, you all are the front line of everything that happens in your home. When you when you make decisions about your children, you all you all supposed to have conversations first before you talk to the child. You always show a unity, unified front to your children, to your home. And I believe that to be the most harmonious thing you ever can do for a child is to always show that the two of you are on the same page. Living all alone. I really, really, really appreciate your time, and I pray that any and everything that I said on this podcast did not fall on your ears wrong, perked your heart wrong, or hurt your feelings. Everything I said was my opinion, and I said it out of love. And I pray that you would continue to support me and you will tune in the next time because I like to move the crowd.