"Remove the Crowd"
A thought provoking experience to cover topics and views. Striving to empower a community of people to be better. Say uncomfortable things to bring understanding how to create comfort in the same space ♥️.
"Remove the Crowd"
How you gonna act like that
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This episode deals with speaking beyond the optics shown to the world. Unpacking the true person behind with people say they see us as.
Welcome to another thought-provoking experience to explore how people view topics of the world. We offer viewpoints and opinions all in good faith for the stake of group with one another. Damn to step out of your box by joining me, your host Fleetwood to bend the needle. Because I like to move the crack. Hello, hello. Let's try this again. So welcome back to another episode of Move the Crowd. And in this episode, I have two of my sisters and one brethren. And we are going to attempt to move the crowd. And today's topic is going to be how you're going to act like that. And I'm going to get them to reintroduce themselves again because of technical difficulties. I'll have a brief commercial break and we'll get right into it. So, my sister.
unknownHello, everyone. This is Kenya. I'm happy to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_05Happy back. Ashley.
SPEAKER_02Hi everyone. This is Ashley. Back at it again.
SPEAKER_05And for the first time, my brother Lomax.
SPEAKER_04Hello, everyone. Happy to be here for the first time.
SPEAKER_05Alright. So, brief commercial break. This commercial break is to Moses. Once again, I am having another commercial break, the third one for Moses. Your presence and your affection is dearly missed. We appreciate all the calls, all the video texts, and all the sentiments and jokes you've sent our way in your absence. You're a dearly missed brother. Now, I'm going to get into this, and the title again is called How You Gonna Act Like That. And the first question we're going to pose is what is the biggest misconception about you? And we're going to start with Brother Lomax. Okay.
SPEAKER_04Oh, all of it is untrue. I have the biggest heart. I mean, I'll give anybody the shirt off my back. Now I'm very blunt, but I believe blunt is a good thing.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_04You know, why miss words and beat around the bush? Let's just say what we gotta say and keep it pushing.
SPEAKER_05So I can I can say from a graduated standpoint of me used to operate just like you. Here's I'm not gonna say it's a problem, but here's where your misconception is fed. Everybody can't handle you. And the world now is kumbaya, everybody gets a trophy. So I would say when it matters, and when it matters to someone or someone that you care about or potentially care about, definitely trying to find multiple ways to communicate your feelings. Because the real the realistic point of view that I had to learn is although you say it, when it's not validated, it falls back on you. And that just makes you become harder. And makes you say it another way that they didn't get. And you're the one, you're just wasting your energy. Because you say it three times and the person you're trying to tell never got it. When if you just took the time and learned how to say it the first time, you wouldn't have to waste the other two times. That's just something I had to learn. You know, it's and again, I'm saying definitely follow inspiration. Because it's going to take somebody that is you feel is worth it to go in your in your bag of tools to add more tools to your bag. If you don't see any value in the personal relationship, you're probably not going to do it, because I did. So, Ashley, what is the biggest misconception about you?
SPEAKER_01I'm mean. And I got a slick mouth. I've been told, looking at you, boy, you can say some words. How true it is, it can be true. Uh yeah, it could it can be true. If you push me there, I am learning tact. And like you said, delivery, because if I don't deliver, right, I look like the a-hole. But you know, to not the b hole, the a-hole. The a-hole. Okay. With the b on top of my forehead.
SPEAKER_05Oh. Oh, okay, yeah. That's a double entangre.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05A-hole by being a B.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05C?
SPEAKER_01Okay. I got it. Yeah. So I'm trying to be, you know.
SPEAKER_05The alphabet of learning. Right. Don't be an A-hole who they call you a B. See.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. See? Okay. Okay, I got you. So yeah.
SPEAKER_05So you're saying you're being, you a lot of people see you as being mean or having a slick mouth. Is that a defense mechanism?
SPEAKER_01Yes. I'm being honest. You don't have no choice. Once I I yeah, I know. Once I feel uh try to get a little cookie on it. If I feel attacked, or you know, you're questioning me about something that I know I know, and you're making me feel like I don't know it, everything just spills out. And it spills out wrong because now it's emotional. So you're not hearing the information. But yeah.
SPEAKER_05Okay, okay. All right, Kenya.
SPEAKER_00Well, the misconception of myself is um I'm very direct, and they say I have a word for everything. Um, with my thing, it is a defense defense mechanism with myself. Because I've always had to defend myself. You know.
SPEAKER_05You've always had to, or you always felt like you had to?
SPEAKER_00I always felt like I needed to.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_00Based on people's responses.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so response to something you said.
SPEAKER_00Well, based on how they come at me, put it that way. I felt like I had to come at them directly of how I felt.
SPEAKER_05So unfiltered, just I'm gonna respond, I'm gonna meet you where I think you're at.
SPEAKER_00True. But I'm working on that.
SPEAKER_05I was gonna, you know, my next question. So, how does that feel? Is it gratifying in the moment or does it make you reflect like I shouldn't have said that?
SPEAKER_00Um, depending on what they have said to me, um, some things are not warranted to say. Um, I have to redirect myself as how I respond. So um I am a little mouthy, I can be, yes. I second that about myself. I'm gonna be honest with that. Yes.
SPEAKER_05I I So why do you think you all are on this podcast?
SPEAKER_00Because that is the topic.
SPEAKER_05See, see, and she wasn't slick about it, she was right to the point because y'all are all spicy.
SPEAKER_01It sounds like you spicy too. Very and this one to the left is too.
SPEAKER_05For the record, no one's sitting on the left.
SPEAKER_00Fleet. I'm saying sometimes being spicy is warranted.
SPEAKER_05Are you chicken? Are you chicken?
SPEAKER_00Meaning?
SPEAKER_05Spicy chicken?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_05It's not warranted. Ghost Pebble wings.
SPEAKER_00No, it all depends on how the person comes at me, though.
SPEAKER_05So so here's the thing spicy is not an emotion, it's not a verb. It's descriptive of meat. But so, because, and I'm saying this because a lot of times when people use descriptive words that don't have an emotion to it, it's to hide the emotion.
SPEAKER_00But I've learned I'm learning to be silent.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_00At some point, you know?
SPEAKER_05To be silent.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_05Silent as in protecting your peace, or silent as ignoring.
SPEAKER_00Yes, to protect my peace.
SPEAKER_05Understood. Okay, okay, okay. Well, that was pretty easy.
SPEAKER_01Fleet.
SPEAKER_05Ashley.
SPEAKER_01You gotta answer the question.
SPEAKER_05Um, I got this. Okay, sorry. A little control grab. Janet Jackson. There we go. Let's stop. So for me, biggest misconception is what I heard the most is you don't care. I was like, you're right. So um for me, I I was um through hurt and through uh lack of growth, I had to identify the point in my life where I was emotionally unavailable. And in that, I hurt a lot of people. And um so in being emotionally unavailable, I had to then go in and do some work and learn more about myself and why I was emotionally unavailable. I learned that how I feel and what I feel has value. So at that point, I had to protect what I had to offer until I felt it valid to give it. So nine times out of ten when people said, nine point five times out of ten when people said you don't care, that was more reflection of me that I shouldn't have been dealing with you in the first place. Because I knew you weren't the person that was going to open me up to care. So whatever that situation presented surface-wise, whether it was physical, uh, whether it was physical or whether it was physical, um that that's what it was. So I had to learn to not wemonize to not um enjoy momentary feelings that gave me momentary gratification without any kind of emotional commitment or responsibility. So that's when I became fleet. And that is my answer. So the biggest misconception is I didn't care. And actually it wasn't a misconception, but the reason it's a misconception is because I was I was raised and I was taught to care. But I gave the persona of not caring because I just made bad choices about who I spending time with. Very surface time, physical. Well, that was pretty simple.
SPEAKER_01It was.
SPEAKER_05This is not gonna take long at all. This is basically just explaining why you are such an a-hole.
SPEAKER_00So are you kidding? Is that huh? Are we considered as a hoes?
SPEAKER_05You tell me.
SPEAKER_00I don't consider myself as a see.
SPEAKER_05You see, I you just moved the goalpost. You just moved the goalpost on the mic and we have it recorded. You said, are we considered a holes? Which means the optics coming in. And I said, Are you? I don't consider my nobody cares what you think.
SPEAKER_00I know, I know I'm not.
SPEAKER_05You again, you know you're not. So you have to take consensus. But see what they say.
SPEAKER_01Well, does it really matter what the public is? Yes. At some point, yes, it does.
SPEAKER_05It does. It's yes, yes. Wow. Because you you have to build a relationship. That's responsibility. You you have to you have to control the optics and how you show up in the world.
SPEAKER_00Well, that's accountability too. Yes. Taking accountability.
SPEAKER_05I think, well, accountability is more of a reaction. Proactively, if you're if you're managing how you show up, you don't have to have accountability because you're accountable in the first place. So I'm not discounting either one.
SPEAKER_01What's the question, Lil' Bas?
SPEAKER_04But most of the time, my reaction is based upon what you've done or what you've said to me. And it might come across as I don't care. And nine out of ten, you're probably right, I don't. But that doesn't make me a bad person.
SPEAKER_05Would you not agree? I don't I don't know that a bad person was in the equation. It's just how the person views you. And it's not always the aesthetics of you sometimes feeling people. People make um it takes two people to make a conversation or to make a relationship. Sometimes some people are just too brutally honest to deal with someone who's too oversensitive. But you have to qualify honest with sensitivity versus being mean-spirited or not understanding their community language to speak to nobody and to be spoken to. And I will agree to that.
SPEAKER_04Because I had that for a long time. I was too honest, they were too sensitive. But I just kept trying to push my view on them to make them not so sensitive because the word is not nice. True. Absolutely true. So if you come at me, Snappy, oh, I definitely got to come back for you. And it doesn't make it right. But it feels good in the moment. You gotta get it.
SPEAKER_05No, you don't. You don't. Because you're trying to give it to me. Yeah, yeah, but so at some point you have to understand you're lowering your standard.
SPEAKER_01Gotta throw it a track.
SPEAKER_05That is true. You, I'm not gonna keep. So for me, I'm gonna say for me. I was pretty good at it. So one thing is that really made it pointless to me is I'm always gonna win. I'm better than you. I don't raise my voice, I don't have to curse. I'm just gonna choke you out with my hands in my pocket.
SPEAKER_00So I asked you this question. Should we care what the person thinks?
SPEAKER_05Absolutely. You know why? Because you want somebody to care what you think. So if you don't care what they think, you have to be cerebral all the way through. You can't cry when somebody don't care about your thoughts.
SPEAKER_01But you said you just said nine times out of ten, it was because it was the wrong person.
SPEAKER_05I said for me. I can't speak for y'all.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_05I wasn't, and I said also said I was emotionally unavailable.
SPEAKER_00But that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_05And I said it up front. I don't have no emotions.
SPEAKER_00But if you're being direct to that person, why should I care what they think?
SPEAKER_05If you're being direct to that person, why should you care? Direct as far as what?
SPEAKER_00Saying what I feel.
SPEAKER_05Because it because it's still a respect level. If you're open, if you're saying something responsive, then that means you have a certain level of caring. I just said I didn't say nothing to them. I tell them I was emotionally unavailable.
SPEAKER_04But if I'm saying it respectfully, but direct.
SPEAKER_05Respectfully based on whom? Respect is subjective.
SPEAKER_04Well, it's not my place to sit here and keep trying to babysit your feeling.
SPEAKER_05Then why do you keep saying it?
SPEAKER_04Well, after a while, I'm mad.
SPEAKER_05But wow. If you say when the first time you say a responsibility, because here's the thing when you project something out of your mouth, that means you wanted to get reach a person. So if the first attempt it doesn't reach, then you have to repackage how you're saying it to try it again. Which you already now are assuming and inferring that you have some type of care for that person. That's why you're trying to repackage it. Because if they didn't care, you wouldn't have said it.
SPEAKER_00So that's where the silence comes in at.
SPEAKER_05No, there's no silence, there's no conversation. I ain't saying it. That's what I said to them. It's like, I'm emotionally unavailable. And that and that's what I said. They said I didn't care. I called you why you answered the phone because I didn't want to. Man, you're mean, so I mean, you tell you're telling me things already know.
SPEAKER_04But isn't that that we don't care? I'm just being, this is my thing. They said yeah, for the thing. I said for me. For him, because it was the wrong person anyway. But this is my thing. People want the truth, but they can't handle it. That's not true. But most of the time, people you give them the truth, they they fall apart.
SPEAKER_05Truth is a is a very layered word. They want confirmation of their hurt in their heart. You can say it's truth. That's fine. You can hide behind that. But the person you're talking to, especially if you have a relationship with them, they want you to confirm how they feel. And you're repeating it the way you want to do it doesn't give them confirmation. It makes them uneasy. Isn't that right, Kenya?
SPEAKER_00Um I need clarification on that.
SPEAKER_05Confirmation of the heart is the same as truth.
SPEAKER_01He's saying that you need to be able to do it.
SPEAKER_05But you need more confirmation of the heart than more of you being right or truth. Yeah. You have to understand how to secure the heart of the person you're talking to, especially we're talking about cross-gender. If you're talking to a female.
SPEAKER_04So, in essence, if you say, for example, I miss you today, but I don't respond back with I miss you. Now we have an issue. Well, how was it communicated? Were you talking or was it sent in a text? Like we're talking on the phone. Okay. And it's communicated to me verbally, like, hey, I missed you today. And I'm like, oh, okay. Now we have an issue. Because I didn't communicate the same thing back to you. So I didn't reaffirm what you wanted to hear.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so the question would be, why didn't you, why didn't you reaffirm? Why didn't you echo the sentiments back? Because when I did it, I did it on purpose. Because I don't want you to think that it's more than what it is. And I'm not going to, we're not reciprocity. Reciprocity is not going to be in this because there is no reciprocity in it. You think about me today? No. I'm not beating around the bush. No. Man, that hurt. It was your fault. You asked. So, what are you doing tomorrow? I get it.
SPEAKER_04But again you already know me. That's how I am.
SPEAKER_05But again, that's somebody that I'm saying wasn't wasn't supposed to have that conversation. Exactly. So that's why I could be so brutally honest. They had no value to me. I was wasting my own time because why would you talk or deal with someone that has no value? So I was the fool. That was me. Why are you talking to somebody that has no value?
SPEAKER_04So how would you know that? Oh, you know. No, you know by based on like he just said, like the fact that I'm not willing to open up to him. Yeah. I missed you today. Okay, that's cute. Yeah. So that I already know, like, I don't feel nothing for that person for me to say the same thing back or send them something or call them throughout the day and say, hey, you know, hey, I miss you. What's going on with you? Because I know, and for men, we know. We see it a mile away, but we'll still deal with you for other reasons.
SPEAKER_05True. To be fair, there are, for me, I can't speak of other men or other women, I don't like for females to fish for feelings from me. If you go fishing, you're gonna pull up a shoe every time. I can't stand that. Those leading questions. Did you miss me? I'm just sitting there quiet. Did you hear what I said? I did. Why asked me? It was nothing to answer.
SPEAKER_01And and I was told, you are like a dude.
SPEAKER_04You have a mentality of a man.
SPEAKER_01Cause I'd rather be quiet than a lie at the time.
SPEAKER_05Well, it yeah, I got that.
SPEAKER_01Honestly, if I'm I didn't really think about you, I'm not gonna sit here and say, Oh my god, yes, I thought about you too. I'm not gonna package that. I'd rather just stay silent and then be like, you know, yeah, I'm like a real dude. And I'm just like, so you rather for me to lie to you? No, I don't rather for you to lie.
SPEAKER_05You're actually not lying, though. That's part of the defense you say, because if you're on the phone with that person, you did think of them because you answered the phone. So you can simply say to answer a phone call is an action. But I didn't have to answer the phone call.
SPEAKER_00But at that moment, if that person is asking you, did you miss me? That doesn't necessarily mean that she misses him.
SPEAKER_05I understand that. But I'm saying that you don't have to necessarily say you don't have the ghost. Again, I'm talking about if this is somebody that has more value than surface. If it's somebody that you possibly have an interest in, you always want to guard their feelings because you're still trying to learn the matrix of how you all love or how you all feel. So you can simply say, Well, look.
SPEAKER_01So how yeah, how do you respond to that?
SPEAKER_05So it's it's like, did you miss me today? I answered the phone, so at some point I had to have thought about you. You make them think about it and just park it because what you just said is true.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_05It's true. Like, because you did. Just got to make your language. To answer the phone is a is a cognitive choice. I don't have to answer the phone. There's the last time you didn't answer the phone. I mean, come on, keep it 100. And then you the phone ring, ring, ring, and you look down. I'm good. And you answer the phone. So to be to be honest, that's probably somebody you don't miss.
SPEAKER_04Exactly.
SPEAKER_05To answer the phone in first, I want to talk to you. So there's a minimal level of missing in that.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_05So I can go with that because you didn't you didn't qualify how much I missed you.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_05If you say do you miss me a lot, uh, we got a problem. But to say, did you miss me? Well, you know, at some point today I was really thinking about talking to you.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_05So I'm glad you called me.
SPEAKER_01I got what you're saying.
SPEAKER_05You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01It's and they're like, oh, okay.
SPEAKER_05And you're not lying to them, you're being very truthful.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05And that buys you enough time and enough cushion to align you all's feelings up.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_05You know what I mean? So, you know, because people are very sensitive about their feelings.
SPEAKER_01Age of sensitivity.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, they're very they're very sensitive about their feelings. Yeah. And a lot of people don't like putting themselves out there to be hurt. Rejection is is cruel. People don't like rejection.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I'm telling you. It's deadly hurt.
SPEAKER_05Rejection, I'm telling you, rejection is a whole different beast.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05So if somebody feels rejected, I guarantee you won't be able to go get them when they're walking down the street. You can't, you gotta let them walk around the whole block when you sit on the porch to try to get them to come over to you. You can't chase them around the block. You gotta sit there and hope they come back around the block. Hey, can you come over here? They done cry to snot all the round the block. Now they got a little bit of now they want to think about it a little bit. But as they're leaving, protecting themselves and being rejected, you can't get them. You gotta let them walk it off. Little salty face and come up, what you want?
SPEAKER_04I can talk to you. But doesn't that mean you should only like really associate yourself with people that you really maybe care about?
unknownOf course.
SPEAKER_05Avoid all that. You can't avoid it because we're all broken. So if you think you're gonna get you a perfect person, go buy you a Mr. Potato head and put all the pieces on you want to and take that out on a date.
SPEAKER_00But you can't everybody's broken.
SPEAKER_04I'm not saying control them, but like if you know you really don't have any interest in Billy, why start something with Billy?
SPEAKER_01You won't know until you start something. With Billy. That's true. Right. So that's that's when people fall at a different rate. They gather emotions for you at a different rate. So you won't know until you start talking to Billy. And Billy might be like, oh my God, she's the one. And you're like because I don't know.
SPEAKER_04We kind of like like Flea said, like, we know, like, okay, we know this is beneath us, but we still can go down this road anyway. And no, we ain't doing it. We go on that, you know, we've gone down that highway to hell. No one. Like, I see the train wreck, but guess what? I'm gonna still get on this side.
SPEAKER_05And then don't complain about what happens.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you can't get mad at the reaction that she gets you because you drove her down there.
SPEAKER_05Now here's another thing, too.
SPEAKER_01Put her out at the end of the road.
SPEAKER_05You have to understand the people you attract. That's one of the main things people really fail to acknowledge and work on. I used to say a long time ago, and I'm not, I'm not, I am not condoning domestic violence. You're a female say, hey, four boyfriends beat on me. How do you find them four dudes? Or you know, you know, a dude kept cheating on me. Well, where'd you meet them from? Where are you trying to meet one in the club? Oh.
SPEAKER_04Well, they go back. Keep doing the same thing. Wonder why you get the same reaction.
SPEAKER_05Well, a lot of people go to the same dating pools because they go where they feel comfortable. Again, rejection. If you're not rejected, you're gonna go someplace you don't feel rejection. It's very difficult to look upstream. People constantly surround themselves with like-minded or underneathlings of them so they don't feel rejected. People constantly tell you if you're the smartest one in the group, you need a new group. I don't mind being the slowest one. I love it. I I look for inspiration. I don't mind the challenge. I want to be the slowest one in here. I don't got no problem with that. Because it it makes you it makes you grow.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05You have to grow. You're gonna go to, we were just looking at, you just you tell you guys didn't see it, but we were looking in the way that I was showing Kenya. There's a YouTube video that was talking about middle class African Americans, or just the middle class in general, but it was focused on African Americans in 1968. And they were talking about an exclusive picnic, and they had footage, they actually have black and white footage, and they're showing white people, Indians, it was a couple, a couple of Indian guys, black people, and they had tucks and everything outside. 1968, a couple's ticket was $60. You know how much $60 is now to 1968?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that was a lot of money.
SPEAKER_05So it's all about elevating yourself. You have to make yourself more marketable. One of my biggest pet peeves with El Negroes, and I said El Negroes, is how we dress. That is the first thing people see. You keep wearing, you want to wear baggy pants or wear whatever, you get upset about who approaches you. And I say this, you talk about new new ATL. If you move and your parents do everything they can to give you a better trajectory in life, and you want to wear something that somebody in the hood has on, and you come down. Now, let's say, let's use for everyone we understand, actually, man. Let me use some in California. Let's say your parents move to Beverly Hills from Compton, and you want to go back down to Compton and hang out. I have no problem with that because that's where you're from. The difference is when you go back as someone who now was raised in Beverly Hills, then you're still the same person. But if you put on some blue chucks or some chucks, some dude in Compton is going to approach you because you have something on that he identifies with. You're telling him I'm approachable. Because you and I are on the same level, just on something you have on. It has nothing to do with you coming back to Compton. It's about you ingratiating something that's beneath your social level. So now peanut walk up to you, hey mama, he would have never done it if you didn't have that stuff on. Or you'd have thought about it twice. Or he'd have came at you more respectfully. So I think how you dress, how you present yourself is a gateway to who approaches you. And it's one of the main caveats for you being stuck in a hamster wheel, complaining about you can't get out of this wheel. Just try changing your sociability and how you show up. So many men just refuse to add range to them. I don't think the adage has ever changed. When you dress better, you feel better. I don't think that's ever changed.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05So that's my spill on that. It's my little helping caboose from ABC after school special speech.
SPEAKER_00That was a good documentary, though.
SPEAKER_05Oh, yeah. We're gonna look at it some more, we're gonna talk about that. That was really good. That was really good. So, next question is oh, another commercial break. This commercial break is brought to you by Red Solo Cups. May the coolness, may the coolness of your drink satisfy your throat to give you a smile. Second question. How high is your wall and why? Let's start up with Kenya.
SPEAKER_00Are you talking about presently?
SPEAKER_05No, I'm talking about commercially. Are you talking about personally?
SPEAKER_00No, I'm talking about on eBay. I didn't say personally, I say present.
SPEAKER_05How high is your wall? Not how high was your wall or how high will your wall be. Shout out to the NX.
SPEAKER_00Well, having a wall up is to put to basically guard my feelings.
SPEAKER_01How high is it?
SPEAKER_00How high? It's all the way up there. I mean, it's like it's not just a brick, it's a steel there too. Steel wall there too.
SPEAKER_05With a moat? You sound like Dungeons and Dragons.
SPEAKER_00I mean, hey, I gotta be able I mean, I'm not gonna say that it's not open to come down at some point, but there's reasons why that wall is up there.
SPEAKER_05So there's reasons why you have a wall to block your beauty to the world.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Because I'm not trusting of everything.
SPEAKER_05Okay. You're not trusting of everything. To have a wall up in first, you don't trust anything because nobody can see you.
SPEAKER_00I mean, it's hard to trust people nowadays.
SPEAKER_05Agreed.
SPEAKER_00I'll take that. I'll take that.
SPEAKER_05So that's why that's why?
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_05Okay. Because you don't trust some. I'm assuming you're saying because people have hurt you. I don't want to speak your story.
SPEAKER_00So when you say you don't trust, that's basically the main reason why.
SPEAKER_05Because you've been hurt.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_05Okay. So let me let me sidestep. How long would you say your wall has been up?
SPEAKER_00Um it's been up for a long time.
SPEAKER_05Do you feel it's effective because so do you feel your wall has been effectively protecting you because you still don't have what you want?
SPEAKER_00I mean, there are times when I try to bring the wall down some, but then when I bring that wall down to open up to trusting people, it seemed like I get disappointed in the process.
SPEAKER_05Isn't disappointment part of life?
SPEAKER_00That, but you know, when you when you have put in the work for yourself and you know, try to open up to certain things, yeah, life comes with disappointments, but it seems like with me personally, um with putting that wall down and opening myself up, it seems like every time I have someone close to me or you know that I'm interested in, it seems like I get hurt in the process, and that wall comes back up.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so you don't like the gamble of love?
SPEAKER_00I mean life is a gamble. I l I I mean, love is gamble.
SPEAKER_05Love is you So you don't like the gamble of love? You don't like the odds?
SPEAKER_00I don't, but that's just that's just that's just life. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_05I'm I'm gonna say this to you, because I love you. You do realize that a wall and invisible fence have the same purpose, but one is greater than the other. So work on that. Home Depot got them on sale. Lomax?
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna continue to work on it.
SPEAKER_05You can protect yourself with an invisible fence, but a wall blocks your vision. Invisible fence doesn't.
SPEAKER_00I'll put that glass wall up there. My wall is cloud high.
SPEAKER_03That's it.
SPEAKER_05None of those needs to be said.
SPEAKER_04Nothing needs to be said.
SPEAKER_05Unless you get a plane taking the fly over.
SPEAKER_04Nothing breaking up a bottom.
SPEAKER_00That's the all the way up in the space then.
SPEAKER_05You said the clock. You better have an Uber plane to get the mic. Wow. I'm gonna say about that one. You need to go need the massive.
SPEAKER_01Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_05Man. Okay, so I just say this as we move on. How long is your wall being? That sounds like FAA regulations. Even five space.
SPEAKER_04It's been like that for about seven months, eight months. Man, I'm telling you, you know, when you get hurt unexpectedly, yeah, that thing tears you down.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I can believe it. I can believe it. So it tears you down, huh?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it tore me down. I don't know about the next man, but it tore me down. I'm saying it made me feel something I never felt before, vulnerable. There you go. And I hate feeling that.
SPEAKER_05Well, I mean, yeah. I mean that, but that's that's the the repercussions of love.
SPEAKER_04So they say. That's overrated too now. What's overrated? Love. Really? Do people really love each other anymore? Yeah. Or relationships more like a business now. Nah.
SPEAKER_00So you say people love each other. So you're telling me you're not open to love again?
SPEAKER_04Oh no, absolutely. I'm open to it again. I want to find it one day with the right person. I just know for a fact that I tried to love somebody that was not worthy of my love. Okay. But I tried to make that, you know, be trying to better them, show them a better way. But they didn't want it.
SPEAKER_05They didn't want it. Understood. Okay, understand. And that's what we're speaking of before about knowing that people are on your level mentally and they want to grow. Because one of the main components of relationship is seeing where you all gonna go together. You don't want to drag weight behind you. You want somebody that's gonna inspire you. I've said one of my first podcasts: if if he or she doesn't inspire you, you're in the wrong relationship. Right. They should inspire you at all times. So I get it. Okay, Ashley. How high is your wall and why?
SPEAKER_01I'll say it's about a good 60% up, 65%.
SPEAKER_05Oh, 65% up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Why is your wall up?
SPEAKER_01It got knocked down a little bit. It was higher than that.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so you kind of soften up your old lady.
SPEAKER_01I did. Mm-mm. Hazel got put in the back.
SPEAKER_05You better drink some more milk.
SPEAKER_01But um reason my wall is up is not just for me, it's for my daughters. Come on, Gabby. Oh, sorry. So yeah, that's why my wall is up. Gabby, Gabby, Gabby. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah. There you go.
SPEAKER_05So I I I get on people a lot about this, and I got on you about this.
SPEAKER_01Fear is the reason why, too.
SPEAKER_05Kids do what they see, not what you say.
SPEAKER_01I know that.
SPEAKER_05So, now I have a partner of mine who is a single dad, and he's got three sons, and he's like, no, two sons and a daughter. He's like, I gotta focus on those. Like, yeah, but what are you showing your sons that you don't date? You can do it on your own. That's my last podcast talking about individualistic versus community.
SPEAKER_01That's how I got knocked down. I chose to put myself out there. And I let it get knocked down some, and did it, you know, take some bricks out and make you a little unstable? Yes. But gave me a peephole. Understood.
SPEAKER_05So a wise man once said if at first you don't succeed, you can dust yourself off and try again.
SPEAKER_01Right. So it gave me a peephole to look out there for a little bit.
SPEAKER_05Right there.
SPEAKER_01Right there, right there. Right there. Okay. Who out there over there on the other side of that wall over there? Ca goo. So yeah.
SPEAKER_05Okay. All right. That's that's fair. That's fair. That's fair. Okay. Well, it sounds like everybody is everybody understands their wall. Some of us need a plane, and some of us are open to I want my wall to come down.
SPEAKER_04Okay. I absolutely do.
SPEAKER_05And that matters. That matters. You just have to find the right person that is willing to work with you and you feel comfortable.
SPEAKER_04I get it. I get it. I get the brother out of love for somebody.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I'm always open to it. So, you know.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I'm open to it. I'm never going to deny it. Okay, we're in the home stretch. Let's hit this last question and we'll get out of here. Who allowed you the grace to see your fracture and where is that leading you? Ashley.
SPEAKER_01My sister-in-law. Okay. Shout out to Anita. Hey Anita.
SPEAKER_05No bigger.
SPEAKER_01Hey Anita. Yeah. Um, she is my voice of reasoning with a lot of stuff. And she's real cutthroat. And she'll she'll tell me what I need to know. But she she put that love on it. I don't look at her as a sister-in-law, I really look at her as a sister, even though I have sisters, but we're not that close. But she could tell me some stuff about myself that it like gut punches me. And I'm like, oh my God, I've been like this. And she's like, yeah, you're tripping. It's like I need to get my stuff together. So this is my sister-in-law.
SPEAKER_04Thanks, Anita. Lomax. Um, for me, it's not just a person. It's basically my guys. I mean, you know, they give it to me raw and uncut. Um, so you know, they tell me what I need to hear. Sometimes I don't like it. Sometimes we argue about it, we fuss about it. Hell shit. Sometimes we might want to even fight about it. But that's just what we do. But I mean, if we truly partners, then that's what you should be able to do. Right. I mean, let's keep it 100. You have helped me a lot. I mean, you know me from back in the day. I was, yeah, out of control. Like, it meant nothing to me. Like, I keep it pushing. But no, I mean, yeah, I would just say, yeah, my fellas.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. That's that's that's true, man. And I appreciate it. I appreciate that, man. It's uh it's my privilege and my honor to always love with my men and in my village. I always want to see everybody succeed and to minimize their hurt and to exemplify greatness in the world. Speaking of greatness in the world, Kenya.
SPEAKER_00Well, my person is you. What? Yes.
SPEAKER_05Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_00There you go, Ghost Pepper. Wow. He has allowed me to see things in a different scope.
SPEAKER_05Wow.
SPEAKER_00Um, there are a lot of things that I have agreed to disagree with him, but he also showed me things that for me to tone myself down a little bit. Um, and that has helped me a lot. Um, because things that I have taken on a 1,000 level, he has put it to me in a different perspective as to not take it so personal. So I have to see things in a different scope. So when he talks to me, it tones me down a whole lot compared to what I used to see, how I used to see things. So I really appreciate that. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01Tell me, hear what I say, not how I say it.
SPEAKER_00So I just I'm I'm a very appreciative of the fact that he has brought me into a community of brother and sisterhood, and that has really helped me a lot um since since then. So I appreciate that.
SPEAKER_05Thank you. Thank you. Um, for me, I want to say it was uh Mr. Levon Flood. When I moved to Norfolk, I uh it's my first job in corporate America, and I was so rough around the edges. I had braids, I had DC acronym. I'm in Norfolk with some uptight Republican co-workers, and I had no idea what to do. And Lavon was a brother like myself who was my filter, he was my mouthpiece. Everything I couldn't understand, he would explain to me. When I would do things because I didn't understand how to show up in the corporate America, he would step into the gap and provide cover for me as I tried to get myself together. That man allowed me to become greater, he allowed me to exist in a world that I was not ready to be in. And uh Mr. Flood really blessed me and without him I wouldn't be where I am today. So Mr. Flood is my guy. Um well, we've come to the end of this. You guys have any closing sentiments? And thank you, Kenya, for the kind words, and Lomax as well. And Ashley, you guys have any closing sentiments?
SPEAKER_04I just want to say thank you to this little family that we have created, you know, and it's a place that we can all go and reflect and bounce things off each other to keep you from really just going crazy and wanting to, you know, just reach out and touch. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Appreciate it, brother. Appreciate it.
SPEAKER_01Okay, be yourself, just fine-tune it a little bit.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay. Um, I'm glad I'm able to be a participant in in this phone that we call because it allows me to be open about things that I haven't been comfortable about being open about. And um now that I'm part of it, it makes me feel a little bit more relaxed of Good.
SPEAKER_05We love you.
SPEAKER_00I'm glad of opening up because it's hard to open up about things that that you can't open up to certain people about.
SPEAKER_05Understood. So Well, I pray that everything that we said this evening did not fall on your ears or perk your heart the wrong way. Everything that we said was said in love. I appreciate all of you all for being on this platform. I love you all dearly. And I want everybody to tune in for the next time as I attempt to move the crowd.
