"Remove the Crowd"
A thought provoking experience to cover topics and views. Striving to empower a community of people to be better. Say uncomfortable things to bring understanding how to create comfort in the same space ♥️.
"Remove the Crowd"
Who can I run to (When I need love)
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Another effort to address the past and how we have grown through it.
How we going? Back for another thought-provoking experience to explore how everyday people view topics of our world. We offer viewpoints and opinions all in good faith for the sake of understanding one another as we grow. Inspire yourself to step out of the box by joining me, your host Fleetwood, as you and I bend the needle because I like to uh move the crowd. Hello, hello, welcome back. And this is the crescendo to my attempt to heal families. And I finally, finally, finally have my sisters and my wife at the table. So we're gonna try to move the crowd one more time. And this episode is entitled How No, no, it's not. That's the fellas. You all are different. You all is named Who Can I Run To When I Need Love? Who Can I Run To When I Need Love? So I'm going to reintroduce it musically and then we're going to come back, get some bios. We're going to get right into it and introduce themselves to you all. Be right back. Alright, we're back. So I'm going to let these young ladies introduce themselves. I'm going to start to my right, work our way around, and we're going to come right into it with the first question. And we're going to get this thing cracking.
SPEAKER_04Hello, everyone. I'm Kenya. Thanks for having me again, my brother.
SPEAKER_01Tell us about yourself, Kenya. Oh. Yeah. Kids, job, likes, dislikes. Let's introduce yourself to us.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Well, I am a mother of four. Crazy kids. Anyway. A grandmother of uh four. I got one on the way. And I am. I have been working for the Department of Labor for going on 26 years now.
SPEAKER_01Consistency.
SPEAKER_04Consistency.
SPEAKER_01Got that bag.
SPEAKER_04And I'm ready to retire.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_01Moving on. That's the go. To my next sister.
SPEAKER_05Hello, hello, hello. This is Ashley. Hey, everybody. Hey. Hello? I am a mother of three. I work in a medical field. I love butterflies, hummingbirds, and um, yeah, relaxing. And I also make candles. So there you go.
SPEAKER_01I feel like I want to say lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my.
SPEAKER_05Oh my.
SPEAKER_01Oh my.
SPEAKER_06Okay. Hello, everyone. My name is Ebony. I am a mother of four. And I uh am an educator. I work in Prince George's County. Have been working there for since 2001. Uh I currently serve as a reading specialist.
SPEAKER_01I could use you because I can't read much more. I'm not speaking English.
SPEAKER_08Hey, sister. Hello, everyone. My name is Wendy. Um wait a minute.
SPEAKER_01I feel like you're about to read a book to us. I'm just gonna go ahead the way you can. Hello, everyone. Jack and Jill went up the hill. I'm sorry, go ahead. Your voice. Hello, everyone.
SPEAKER_08Mom to a 22-year-old, 16-year-old young man um who currently is giving me more grades than I want at the moment. Um uh a bonus mom of four and an auntie grandma of seven. And uh yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's where that voice comes from. Practice.
SPEAKER_05Practice it helps with the sanity.
SPEAKER_01Well, I know now, but y'all speak. Men deal with it too.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I guess. If you can see looks up good. And last but not least. And here we go.
SPEAKER_06Hello everyone. This is Lucy. I am a mother of three plus two bonus babies and a non-na to a grandbaby. Um, I've been out of care for the last 20 plus years, um, migrating into some new things that I'm venturing off into that are in the works. And prayerfully they will come to fruition pretty soon. Um, married to a wonderful man. Um, I have beautiful sisters that are here at this table, so I believe I'm flourishing in this thing right now.
SPEAKER_02Damn it.
SPEAKER_06Hey.
SPEAKER_07And all the time. Got it, it's good.
SPEAKER_01I just want to prove my point of sitting here needing some medicine to get through this. Just silence is golden. That was the whole AMC moment. I want you all to see what I'm getting into. I'm going into the land of the unknown.
SPEAKER_03Be careful.
SPEAKER_01Oh boy. All right. First question. What specific relationship and or person do you feel the little girl in you needed the most and why? Let's start with Wendy.
SPEAKER_08I knew he was gonna do that. SPS powerful. So uh this answer came very easy to me. And the relationships and the people that I needed, because it wasn't just one, it was my mother and my father. And why is because I needed their protection from my family, um, which was crazy. Uh, my father lived in New York. Um, and you know, daddy was a Rolling Stone, so he had his set of family in New York, and then my mom and I, and my mother's two oldest children by her husband. Um, we had our own little family in Connecticut, and um dad would just come around whenever he could. Mom was always working, and so I was going house to house, house to house, being tainted by family. So there was no protection for me.
SPEAKER_01What about your mom? So you're saying, if I heard you, the protection from your mom, you needed, but she was working to provide.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was working to provide. Um when it was finally addressed through a psychiatrist. Uh, my mother is in that baby boomer era where they you're you shut up and do what you're told, but they don't believe in help for your children. They don't believe in medication, uh like, you know, to help kids with, you know, brittling, or if you go to the therapist, they're gonna mess your family up. So when the therapist told her your daughter is signing, is showing signs of sexual abuse, she pounced on me. And I wasn't safe to say yes. So my answer was no.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_08So she she couldn't protect me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think their generation sees it as embarrassment. Yeah. You know, it's like, well, how could you? Well, how would it happen? You weren't there. Yeah, yeah. You know, yeah. Yeah. Wow. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. Me too. Me too.
SPEAKER_01I understand. Uh uh, you know, unfortunately, it it happens much too often.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_01In in our in our culture. In our specifically us.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It it happens entirely too much. Yeah, definitely. It was definitely a lot.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_01A lot of people have gone through. And to unpack it, um I'm glad you had a chance to unpack it at least. You know, some people walk around with their monkey on their back for their whole life.
SPEAKER_08Yeah. They do.
SPEAKER_01You know, um, I I'm not minimizing what you went through, but you know, you are part of the small percentage that it was recognized.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, some people they have to tell themselves in the mirror because nobody else is listening.
SPEAKER_08Exactly.
SPEAKER_01You know, so for that I'm I'm glad. But again, I'm definitely sorry you had to go through that.
SPEAKER_08Thank you.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. Come on, Kenya.
SPEAKER_04Um I needed my mom the most. Um, my mom went through uh a period of she raised her siblings. And um when she had her own, it was more so like it was a lot of pressure on her with, you know, it was she raised her kids, and then it's like you do what you told. I always wanted my mom to be there for, you know, even with PTA meetings and um just being a mother, like even times when I would ask her, you know, just in general, can we just go to the movies? And it was more so like, oh, I'm tired. Uh during that time, it was she was trying to build her career herself. And it was more so she didn't have the time to give me because she was working or trying to live her life. And at that time I didn't understand as a child was like, why is I can't get this time from my mother? Or even with um, you know, coming to the school just for activities. You know, I went to private school too, so it was like, you know, most of the time, you know, kids in private school, their parents are involved. Yeah. Well, I was just there. And to me, it was like when they have things at the school, it was like I wanted my mother to be more involved. I knew my dad wasn't gonna be there because he was more so like paying for the tuition. But um, I needed her more so than anything, and then um she moved away to Massachusetts and I wound up uh staying with my grandparents, which um I had a time there. Um when I tried to explain to her the situation like liftal abuse or sexual abuse, when I tried to say it, it was more so as like um I was I was lying. And um, you know, as a child my mother always told me, Oh, anytime you have something, like if you want to express something, if I couldn't say it verbally, write it on paper. And that's when I was a kid, I've always wrote things on paper. And um when I gave it to her, it was more so like she read it, but then it's like it was pushed to the side. So that's what I have battled with for years. With um Well then you saved me that part, and then on top of that, it was more so like uh my dad looked at it as pushed to the side too.
SPEAKER_01Well, again, another case, you know, and again, I'm sorry that that is part of your history that is in your trajectory, and I'm I'm definitely apologetic to go through that. Come on, Lucy.
SPEAKER_06Um I'm gonna have to say my mom. I was the first of a multitude of grandchildren in our household. So it was a standard already set as the first grandchild. You don't, you just do. It's not a lot of explanations to be given. So I watched my mom as her sister started having kids because she had a drug addiction. And talking now is well, just listening, just made me realize how much pushed to the side I was. And now to as I grew older to hear my mom say, I've raised you to survive. Because she had to give so much to her nieces because they didn't have what I had, and I believe it was made to be understood. You've had you had me for at least six years. So that foundation, you should be solid. They're not because they don't get what you get. You get you still have me, they don't have her at all. But even in that, I still needed my mom. So as time goes on, I am then sexually abused. And because there's so much attention needed elsewhere, I never told because I didn't want to be an embarrassment or disappointment. Like, how could you allow it to happen? Because I watched my grandmother have to deal with so many different things with me growing up with her own children. So it was like, I don't want to disappoint her either. So I just didn't say nothing. I kept it to myself and not even understanding that in the back of my head, I raised you to survive. So even if you can't tell it, you're gonna survive it. So I needed my mom. Even going through the the thing with her and my brother's father. I was 10 helping my mother fight a grown man. And I got thrown to a wall. My face was bruised. So I needed my mom.
SPEAKER_01I've I've heard that story and it uh it never gets easier. It doesn't. I don't think it should, but um um and you know this, but I'm gonna say it because it's what needs to be said. I absolutely am sorry you had to go through that. Every facet of it. I am definitely sorry you had to go through that. Come on, Ashley.
SPEAKER_05For me, it is my father. I lost my brother at a young age. And he was my everything, my support, my father figure, even though my dad was present, but he wasn't present, if that makes sense. We was in the house, he was there every day, whatever, but he wasn't present. So when I lost him, I lost me because I became unseen, I had no voice, I had no support, I have no backbone. Very vaguely, I remember the one game I asked him to come to. We lost the game, and I got berated for 30 minutes driving home because the sentiment was I could have just stayed home because we lost, and for me, I never forgot it because my brother was that person. Win, lose, whatever, he was there. So to me, it was my father. I didn't have the love, the attention, and his age is you know I love you because you got food on the table, you have clothes on your back, you're not outside, so you don't that is your love. So saying it don't make it no better.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05So yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I've expressed that multiple times that um there's a a definitely a generation, multiple generations of men specifically, that were taught that providing is love. They were taught that. So, and I'm my dad was that way because his father was that way. So you can't live somebody else's life. And that's one thing nobody ever teaches us. If my dad is living his father's life, then you're talking about a 40-year swing. You're now using 40 years to raise me.
SPEAKER_05Well, recently I found out there was no positive father figure there. Yeah, and he was raised by grandmother and mother. Which makes me less understand it because the love that they gave him. Why didn't I get him? But the other two did. So it's like oh, she the last one, she alright. No, I needed just as much.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01So sorry again. You know, it's it's never too many apologies, it's never too many tears, never too many shaking of the heads or understanding, or trying to empathize or sympathize with exactly how your story unfolded and how it made you feel in that moment during your life and right now.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I'm sorry. All right, close it out for you both.
SPEAKER_06Um, so I was raised by my grandparents and they poured into me fiercely. Um, but there was always a need for, I feel emotionally for my father. Um, so my sister, so I I have an older sister. We're 16 months apart, and um he always favored her. And, you know, I could just remember just incidents where, you know, it it would be something simple, like, you know, he'll do things for her, but wouldn't do for me. Um, I can remember him distinctly one day talking to one of his family members on the phone and you know, telling them, Oh, yeah, I bought her a car because she's gonna do something. She's gonna do something with her life, she's gonna go to college, she's gonna do this, she's gonna go do that. And all he's gonna do is have some babies. And, you know, and it was one of those kind of conversations and it sticks, it has stuck to me to this day. Um, but that is exactly how he moved as well. So like he bought my sister a car. He, you know, always would do for her. But then when it came to me, you know, if I got into a gym and called him, it was, you know, I remember I was I had um after I had my baby boy, I decided to do it. I decided to um stay at home with him um and do child care. So I was in the process of trying to get licensed, was at the very end. Again, I had stopped working for a moment, so didn't really have the income that I needed. So, you know, kind of was telling him, like, hey, you know, I need this gate, and da-da-da-da-da. He gets on his computer, he's researching, oh, you know, I found this one, and I'm excited because I'm thinking, oh yeah, pops about it. And when we get off the phone, as we ready to get off the phone, he says, Well, if you stop eating out, you can go get you this gate. Wait a minute.
SPEAKER_01Wait a minute.
SPEAKER_06And he gets off the phone.
SPEAKER_01How do you equate a happy meal with a gate? Wait a minute. I'm sorry, wait a minute. Wow.
SPEAKER_06So he did. He said, and and and I was like, Oh, because you know I was inflated because here you are. You're like researching and all that. Like, you set me up for the phone. So I was like, okay, get off the phone. And I want to say that very same week, my sister's car got repossessed. So you know, to get repossessed, you talk a couple of months. Within hours, her car was out of that impound. But you couldn't buy me a $50 gate. So, you know, those are the things that I've always struggled with. And it's always been a situation I think as I've gone through life, it's always like I have to show that I'm enough. That I deserve it. So like um I found like I started to become a perfectionist because I needed to be perfect, you know, to the point that my kids even, you know, we were playing a game one time and uh they put on there Miss Perfect was their comment. That's what they were giving out nicknames. And their nickname was Miss Perfect. And I was like, that's not, that's not what I, you know, but to them, it was like, yeah, that is. And then when I hear their explanation, it was like, but you want us to be perfect too. So it's like, you know, I it kind of seeped over and spilled over to them because it was now, you know.
SPEAKER_01Good watching.
SPEAKER_06I have to be, you know, I'm in this place where I gotta feel like I always gotta prove and perform and be enough. And now they see it like, dang, I gotta prove that I'm, you know, I gotta get all A's, I gotta do this, I gotta, you know, and they're always pushing themselves, which isn't necessarily a bad thing to, you know, be intrinsically motivated, but in the same tone.
SPEAKER_01What's that word again? What's that word again?
SPEAKER_06Intrinsically motivated.
SPEAKER_01Y'all heard that, right?
SPEAKER_06Um, you know, and it's not a bad thing, you know, to want to do your best, but I don't want you to feel as if it's necessary. It's necessary.
SPEAKER_01It's not tied to your value. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I got it.
SPEAKER_06So for me, it was like, you know, you know, it it just probably more recently is to the point that now I can say, like, I don't have to sit here and keep proving myself to be good for you valued.
SPEAKER_01Good for you.
SPEAKER_06So good for you.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_04I think we all at some point felt like we had to prove ourselves uh to show that uh what we went through, that you know, we are better than what we went through.
SPEAKER_01Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. That that was definitely a tough first round. And I am forever grateful for you guys opening up and setting the tone um to be vulnerable, to be transparent, and to share your story with move the crowd. Who can I run to?
SPEAKER_02As I stand here, contemplating on the right thing to discuss. Will I take the wrong direction? Oh my God. Where will I go? Will I find nature? And I'm not afraid of change. I have eight who again satisfy me. Just satisfy me.
SPEAKER_01Alright, we're back, and we're gonna get into the second question. Um, again, that that first question was really heavy, and um I really appreciate you guys the transparency. Next question is who is your most beloved hero, and what is your fondest memory with them? Lucy, let you start out.
SPEAKER_06I'm gonna have to say my first grade teacher went to private school, Sister Elsa.
SPEAKER_01Hey, sister Elsa.
SPEAKER_06I um had my mom had me get something out of her car. She was driving a grade for it, Mustang. And I go to the car to get what she asked me to get, but in the process of me closing the car door, I wound up closing my thumb in the car door. I'm a right-handed person. Oh my gosh, how you gonna go to school and write? Well, back then it was not, no, you get your homework and you stay home from school and do your work. No, you still going to school. But they had to do like a small procedure on my thumb. So they took some scissors that did not open and burnt the tip to stick it through the flesh to make sure there was no infection in it, to make sure that it would heal properly. So get back to school, thumb all bandaged up. Can't write because this hand is just not gonna do it. Right hand's not gonna not working. And during her free time, sister also taught me how to write with my left hand so I could still be able to do my work. That then allowed me to become ambidextrious.
SPEAKER_01I'm a Baptist. I don't know what if that was Drover Java, but anyway.
SPEAKER_06So that was that's one of my fondest memories because she saw that there was a need. She met the need, and she didn't put a limitation on what I could accomplish. She didn't set a bar too high. She allowed me at my pace, and she just kept telling me, you can do this, you can do this. So now, even to this day, I always take a moment to continue to write with my left hand. I have an aunt who had a stroke, so then my in my brain is like, oh gosh, you always using your right. Go back to doing that lefty thing. So I'll do that work on the whiteboard. I'll just start writing. So it's legible. It's not perfect, but it's legible. It's legible. So yeah, I'm gonna say Sister Elsa.
SPEAKER_01Sister Elsa was dope. She wasn't my teacher, but I knew who she was. She was, she's so we were coming up, the picture of Santa Claus's wife. That's Sister Elsa was.
SPEAKER_08Exactly.
SPEAKER_01She was all love for eleven.
SPEAKER_06Wow, wow, wow. Yes.
SPEAKER_01And she carried a big stick.
SPEAKER_06Yes, Lord. She was short, but her sta and big stick and her stature was just like she just everybody was afraid of her.
SPEAKER_01She did a little tight finger point.
SPEAKER_06Yes.
SPEAKER_01Oh shit, she was something different.
SPEAKER_06But sweet at the same time. Don't do that.
SPEAKER_04That's the ongoing joke. Those small sisters to be the ones, be the ones. Right there.
SPEAKER_01She had a little lip bite in the finger point, perfected. She crossed her little arms. Let me tell you something. You in trouble. Come on, Ebony.
SPEAKER_07You know, I'm sitting here struggling, trying to figure out who my hero is.
SPEAKER_01Um inspired. Who inspired you? Who's your inspiration? Yourself, you're self-made.
SPEAKER_07Don't do that.
SPEAKER_01It's possible. Everybody doesn't have an inspiration. Everybody doesn't have it.
SPEAKER_07I really I don't know if there's any notable person that I can say has inspired me. Can you come back to me? Sure. Let me think. That's fair. That's fair.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Come on, Mindy.
SPEAKER_08I am aligned with Miss Ebony on this one because I've thought about it and I thought about it. And I've come back and thought about it again. And I blocked so much out of my childhood. I don't know. I don't have anybody that sticks out. And if I can honestly say, if there's one person that really sticks out, is my sister. Okay. Like that's that's it. Cause there's there's nobody else. I mean, I'll not to say like there's nobody that helped me, but to put the in beloved hero, that's like a high standard. And it's there's nobody for me, and she's the only one that fits the bill.
SPEAKER_01Okay. What's your story with her?
SPEAKER_08My store. Let me tell you.
SPEAKER_05What chapter we all? Oh, you you was referring to oh me.
SPEAKER_01And you must never part.
SPEAKER_00Sister. She ain't my mama.
SPEAKER_01Oh, sorry. That's my part right there.
SPEAKER_08So my sister from another mister, um, Miss Lulume.
SPEAKER_01M I S-T-E-R.
SPEAKER_08Miss Lulame. Um, you would be my beloved hero. Because don't do that. Be not. Matter of fact, let me turn this way.
SPEAKER_05So um there's some tissue on the taste.
SPEAKER_08So my fondest memory would probably be day one. July, what was that? 17th, 2015.
SPEAKER_05Come on, date.
SPEAKER_08Uh we that's the day, first day we started working with each other. And uh you all met our other friend, uh, Nikki, that was at the last gathering that we had last January. Um I don't think we talked that long, but we all had a vision that came aligned and couldn't explain it. But I think we couldn't explain it because God had a plan of our bond, but we wouldn't know it until so um the plan was healing.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_08So my fondest memory is healing with my sister. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_08I like that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You you said something that actually was the reason I wrote this question.
SPEAKER_08Me?
SPEAKER_01You said uh I thought I don't have anybody, and that day comes right off because so much, I block so much. So this is along the lines where so many people celebrate Harriet Tubman as if nobody white helped her.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01She got all the credit. You don't know black people got no house. You weren't you weren't in the swamp every single night. You had to eat. So somebody who didn't look like her had to help. But now that we're talking about history, we rarely talk about the people that provided her just a safe place to continue to go.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So that's that's where that question came from, actually. Okay. So you actually hit on it without realizing you hit on it.
SPEAKER_04Come on, Kenya. Um, the most beloved hero that I can say is my grandmother. God bless her soul.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_04Um, she was the sweetest woman I can ever know. Um for women that I've known all my life that never heard her curse. Um, she did give me a sp a safe space when I needed to talk to her. She will always say, uh controlling my anger when it came to certain things. And she brought me down from that anger. Um she gave me more than the safe space than my mom that I wanted from. You know, I needed that from my mom, but she she will always bring me down from that anger that I I felt on the inside from things that I dealt with or to continue to deal with, but I'm a lot better with dealing with the anger that's that's on the inside. So um when she passed away, I saw a whole different perspective of life. Um, I see things differently. So um I do miss talking to her. I do miss seeing her. Um it's it's just different. Um, I do have my sisterhood of friends that um and you can't call everybody a sister.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01Um call me a sister.
SPEAKER_04Because you can't.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god. I can't.
SPEAKER_01Today's society everybody's equal.
SPEAKER_00That's all. I'm not a pronoun. No, no, no. No.
SPEAKER_01I'm not a pronoun, I'm not them. Everybody is not equal.
SPEAKER_04No. I agree.
SPEAKER_05No.
SPEAKER_04But um you can only tell certain things to certain people that you can trust. Absolutely. Exactly. I agree. Um and and Lucy, no, I would call her all the time and talk, and even when we would have our little, you know, downs, I would try to make an uplift of laughing just by joking, just trying to turn the page by not uh feeling the way I feel sometimes. But it's good to have um a sisterhood of friends that you can trust. Um, especially when that that special person that you don't have is not there anymore. So yeah. My grandmother is was the one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I understand that wholeheartedly. I'm a grandbaby myself, so I understand that. True and through. See, they're the reason I'm in Elizabeth City. Come on, Ashley.
SPEAKER_05That silence sounds good, didn't it? Um for me. It is my brother. Um he showed me a lot. I think my fondest memory of him, I was probably ten. Depending on where his job was, he would come swinging by the house to get me and take me to the site. He drove dump trucks. So this one particular day, the site where he was at was messed up. So he needed the baby to be out of the truck and unload the truck of rocks at the same time. Well, I'm in the car. I ran the truck. He trusted me.
SPEAKER_00This guy.
SPEAKER_05Right, this guy.
SPEAKER_00He's my hero.
SPEAKER_05He trusted me hitting them levers so I could dump the rocks out and back the truck up at the same time.
SPEAKER_01This explains a lot. This explains a lot about action.
SPEAKER_05And I was what does that mean? And I was 10. Jesus. I told my mom when I got home. Why would you do that? Because I wanted to see her face. And she had a whole connection, but it was worthwhile because it came and got me the next day. So yeah, he he showed me that whatever you put your mind to, you don't let nobody tell you you can't do it. Do it. Just you gotta have direction and trust to process. Okay. He trusted it that day in the car because I could have killed him. The truck, yeah. The truck. I could have them rocks wouldn't have been good.
SPEAKER_01You ain't got no CDL, no ABC. No nothing. You gonna do crayons and bull rats. So how are you gonna explain that?
SPEAKER_05Exactly. And I'm nowhere near my house, yeah. But it was fun to me. I bet you it was fun.
SPEAKER_01Play with a dump truck. Wow.
SPEAKER_05I learned how to drive it at 10.
SPEAKER_01You just going further and further with this story.
SPEAKER_05It was fun.
SPEAKER_01Lord have mercy on me.
SPEAKER_04Go ahead and do it again, Ashley. I might, you know, right.
SPEAKER_01This goes back to the to the men's version, the very first one of How the Men the Broken Heart, and Lou was like, I drive dump trucks. Dump trucks keep having a place in this platform. Okay, Ebony. Dump trucks.
SPEAKER_06Um, so I would have piggybacked off of Kenya because Granny was was big time for me as well. But I am going to say my grandfather. And I I would say him because, like I said, they they poured into me, they raised me. Um, but he was not my biological grandfather.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_06But you wouldn't know any different.
SPEAKER_07He, you know, I was I was his favorite. I could go granddaddy and whatever.
SPEAKER_01My cousins hated me.
SPEAKER_06I was the absolute favorite. And um, you know, it it it you know, he he taught me the things to expect that like my dad should have taught me, um, in terms of, you know, how someone should treat you and these kind of things, or, you know, just just simple things like, oh no, you ain't taking on no trash. That's just let me do that. You know, just he just did those type of things, but then he just always um let me know that I could do whatever. Like, you you got this, you're the best, you know. So whereas my dad didn't, you know, do those kind of things and had me feeling like I wasn't enough, he poured into me to where I felt valued to some degree. Okay. So it would, I would say him.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's good. That that's that's big. And you do have some men and women, I'm not gonna make this about uh uh gender. You have some men and women that step into the gap with no blood relation and do a phenomenal job at pouring into a situation, a lineage child, and um, and they need to be recognized as well. So I'm definitely glad you said that. And um, that round was a little lighter, you know. I didn't want to keep you guys so heavy. Um, so I'm glad we got through that. And we'll come back for our next one. Who can I run to?
SPEAKER_02Everything I'm trying to find.
SPEAKER_01All right, we back. Next question is gonna be where in your path of life did you acknowledge your brokenness and how did you embrace this new reality? We're gonna come out with Ashley on this one.
SPEAKER_05Um start the dump truck. I'm gonna start. It's dumping too. It's coming. Slow rolling. Okay. Um I acknowledge my brokenness in my divorce.
SPEAKER_00Ooh.
SPEAKER_05And I did not handle it very well. I didn't brace it at all. Try to throw it outside. But um the back of the truck. Take this back. This is not mine. Um, but yeah, um, it took a lot to realize a lot of the disconnect I played a major part in. And stemming back to no love, support from father, it kind of spilled over and made me like, uh, if you don't, if I don't feel like I'm being heard, I'm gonna go silent.
SPEAKER_01Oh, the passive aggressive.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. And um it it played a major part because it broke down our communication, which was very strong at the beginning, but doing that led to other things. Not validating what he did, but I played a major part. So once I had time, went through therapy, helped figure this out, it helped me embrace it more because I knew that I could move past this with the right tools and the proper help. And I had to apologize, which was tough. But I did it not for him, but for me, so that I could be a better person. For the next, whenever God decides to send them. And me and my child. So, you know. For the next, what was that? For the next husband. Okay. Yeah, but we can take it. For the next husband. I'm sorry, clever. Husband. Oh, right. The Lord.
SPEAKER_01With a dump truck.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. But yeah, so that's where.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, don't be like Mother Roper. No man.
SPEAKER_05Mother Roper can keep all of that. She's a patient. Let me tell y'all. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, not that not the story's interest. As the Center turns.
SPEAKER_05As the Center turns. Yeah. We're gonna stop that Mary Girl right there. There we go. That right all. There we go. Okay.
SPEAKER_01That that that apology was big though. And um, so in that apology, how did it make you feel? In the moment in which you that unforeseen pressure of apologizing was presented to you and you actually did it. Did you feel any kind of relief or did you feel any kind of anything from it from apologizing?
SPEAKER_05I did. I felt I felt like a weight has lifted. I felt the anger dissipate because you know, we don't like the knowledge that it sometimes is us. So the anger dissipated, like I said, so I could see what I needed to see. And with him being receptive and us having a conversation, it helped a lot.
SPEAKER_01That's good, that's good. Come on, Wendy.
SPEAKER_08So for me, it would be um I acknowledge that in my current relationship now. Uh when you ask the good Lord to show you show you who?
SPEAKER_06Yourself. Say that, say that again.
SPEAKER_08What am I right? You better be prepared. Because it ain't pretty. It's very ugly. Yes. And um you say when you find your person, your person is put here to show you your worst and to help you to get to your best. Come on, sis. And let me tell you.
SPEAKER_01Tell us, we listen, we listen, tell us.
SPEAKER_08Y'all laughing.
SPEAKER_05Sister. It's serious. I'm certainly. I'm like straight serious.
SPEAKER_08Like ride past your house, just wait, whoa, wait, man. See, wait, wait, whoa, man. I'm trying to tell you. Like, she's being real. She's being real on the journey. Because let me tell you that's serious. As a person or as the little girl that never grieved or was able to acknowledge the feelings or didn't know what was going on, always wondering what is wrong with me. Why do I have all these issues? Like I'm not a bad person. Why do I always get the fucked up shit? Excuse me. Oh no, you good. Yes. No, we we adopt. Why do I have to deal with shit when I keep giving people roses?
SPEAKER_05And you want to cut them off.
SPEAKER_01Well, if y'all can see this room right there, I just want to bow out gracefully. I just want to ease out and just put this on autopilot. Yeah.
SPEAKER_08But it's God is saying it's not you. And it wasn't until year seven I went to therapy because my sister in that healing stage, season one. Don't come off the wall. I hate it here.
SPEAKER_06But here is.
SPEAKER_08Here I am. That surrender? I was like, okay. And then to sit in it and learn how to grieve your pain. That's a lie. That's that's a real reality right there. And when you learn to let go and realize that there is nothing wrong with you, and that you're just two people that are broken, that have been hurt, that will never acknowledge your pain, your trauma, your triggers, you have unexpected expectations, unspoken expectations of each other, and realize that if you were taught how to communicate, things would be so much easier. But God, that's that's that's it.
SPEAKER_01So you said that surrender.
SPEAKER_08What? Surrender is so big. Surrender and sitting in solitude.
SPEAKER_01So before surrendering, I offer you this. What were you protecting?
SPEAKER_08Well, it was myself. Protecting myself.
SPEAKER_01So you're saying the vulnerability, you you had to be open to be vulnerable for the relationship.
SPEAKER_08You have to, you have to, because when you've been hurt um so much, you you get tired.
SPEAKER_01It's hard to trust the process as it goes. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_08Absolutely. Um, and then before my relationship that I'm in now, like I've been I was single for nine years. So I was just like, I've done work, I've raised, I'm raising my kids on my own, like I'm doing good, like I deserve, I would deserve. But then God's like, no, you still got work you gotta do. And what kind of work? Let me show you. Let me show you. Let me show you what type of work you need to do. You need you need to dig deep. You need to dig real deep. And it's not gonna be pretty. Yeah, it's muddy. It's like them swamps you y'all got out there on that trail. What's the what business? There you go.
SPEAKER_01Shout out to Harry Tellman.
SPEAKER_08It's like them swamps. You have to get it's alligators and it's snakes. Don't forget mosquitoes, spiders, it's everything out there. That's what what? Waiting to come and get you and eat you up if you allow them, but you have to be in the space to be open, vulnerable, sit in it, breathe it, exhale it, and let it go.
SPEAKER_05I like that thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's yeah, that's big. Yeah. Okay, Ebony.
SPEAKER_07I mean, Wendy just preached my whole lie, like I mean, I mean, I was gonna say the same thing. The relationship I'm in now, that is where I saw the brokenness.
SPEAKER_06Um, and uh, yeah, it's been tough. Yeah, it's been tough. Um, I've been in therapy for quite a bit now. Um, I actually go every week.
SPEAKER_01Shut up on a weekly basis.
SPEAKER_07Got my stand-in appointment. Tuesdays at 3 p.m. You've been seeing her ever since May of last year.
SPEAKER_00Come on now.
SPEAKER_07Every week.
SPEAKER_06Um, but yeah, through that, I was able to see me.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Um and not to say, you know, they're perfect, but you know, being able to turn that lens on myself, yeah. Um to to realize there was, even though I felt like I had did work, that there was still more to be done. Um and like you, I felt like, you know, I had it together. Yeah. I had it together, like, you know, I and I deserve this. Yeah. I deserve this. Like I deserve a good man, I deserve this, I deserve that. Yeah. But then just being able to look at myself and see, okay, well, what parts of you still need fixing? Where do you need to grow? Where do you need to evolve? Because at the end of the day, you know, like you said, even in growing, you it's still more to do. Like even in doing the the work that you felt like you did, you like you still have to do more. You have to lie up to it. And like you said, when you mentioned the whole um just that vulnerability piece.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Like, and the question, what were you protecting? I'm protecting me.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Because I've been hurt.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_06I've been feel good. I've given, I've I've felt like I gave everything I had and got nothing in return. So yeah, I'm not gonna let you do that again.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_06So I'm gonna protect me. I'm gonna give you the parts that I want you to have. Whoa. But it was like, no, I can't just give you pieces of me. If I want to really um flourish in this, if I really want to uh get what I need, and for you to get what you need, I have to be completely.
SPEAKER_01Come on through the door, sis.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, come on through.
SPEAKER_08Shut up to therapy.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, be what you're doing.
SPEAKER_08Come on, man. Cause your mind will be like, nah, Slim. Let me get that back.
SPEAKER_05I'm good. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Look, I ain't even like the illustration.
SPEAKER_08That's how you be like, you just like nah Slim, let me get that back. Cause I have what I think you deserve.
SPEAKER_05Be coming with me right now.
SPEAKER_08Playing.
SPEAKER_05Playing. And I and I'm not here for it.
SPEAKER_01Y'all let me know what y'all doing. I come back.
SPEAKER_06She likes to call the pool when they start packing up the actually in therapy.
SPEAKER_08I learned the passive aggressiveness. Ain't that thing? But here's the thing. We learn it from the people.
SPEAKER_00You ain't gotta tell me.
SPEAKER_01I've literally aggressiveness.
SPEAKER_08And we'll still use it as 79.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And the sad part about our generation, they don't realize just that one notion is what has affected all of you on the table. They don't even get it. They still sit on it. They sit. My mother said, they sit on it. Do you understand?
SPEAKER_05Yeah. I ain't doing nothing.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, when you yeah, when you catch them, they go they pull the the pool, they put the big V-sweat on it. Right. I mean, they got it.
SPEAKER_06My mother said it's excuse me.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, CJ and OJ. I'm trying to tell you.
SPEAKER_08My favorite thing is let sleeping dogs lie where they are. But they're not sleeping. They out here crying and bleeding all over.
SPEAKER_01Don't forget to fleas.
SPEAKER_05What? But they sleep. They sleep. Yeah. That's crazy.
SPEAKER_06Because me and Christian, my son just had this conversation about a was it a week ago? And I had to apologize to him because I said, even in my moments, things that I learned, I said, one of the main things that I can recall right now, and I said, even giving you all the silent treatment when you didn't do something that I felt like you should have done, I said, it was a learned behavior. And I'm not trying to make an excuse for a learned behavior. I said, that's why I come to you all now with the conversations I come with you. Come to you with now. Because of course, being in therapy shows you a different lens. It shows you a different you. And it's crazy because years ago, the youngest is 14. So I want to say, probably about maybe 12, 13 years ago, her dad and I were at it. We were not together. And all I could say was, God, in order to remove me from this completely, show me me. I need to see what it is I'm doing, what I'm not doing, what am I doing to hold me here in this place? Whatever this lesson is, I want to get it so I can go. Because this right here is not it. It ain't it. And he said to me, he said, When I show you you, if you don't do the steps that I'm telling you to take, you're gonna die here.
SPEAKER_01Is this your answer? Because you were next.
SPEAKER_06I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, I'm saying is this your answer?
SPEAKER_06I mean, it it can.
SPEAKER_00Oh no, no, I'm asking you.
SPEAKER_06No, it's not my answer. Okay, but go ahead. I just wonder if you're gonna get back off of the silent treatment, that passive aggressive thing, and I was just trying to explain to my son, like, I apologize for even doing that to you because as a child, you saw that from a child lens, so you didn't even understand what really was happening. So when you didn't come to me with certain things, that's why, because I gave you the silent treatment in a place where you feel like you needed to come to me with, and I wasn't open enough because now I done silenced you.
SPEAKER_01Gotcha.
SPEAKER_06That's rude.
SPEAKER_01Kids do what they see know what you say.
SPEAKER_06You won't tell me what's going on with you. Well, why should I tell you when you gave me the silent treatment? Now you want to pick and choose when I tell you something. You can't pick and choose.
SPEAKER_01Well, they're afraid they're gonna trigger the silent treatment. Yeah, that's how I grew up using. And certain conversations you have, like if I tell them and she'll be mad and she ain't gonna say nothing to me. And I'm sitting there holding these emotions that I try to give you. As a child, I'm heavy. Something about this doesn't make me feel comfortable. So I want to take it off of me and give it to somebody safe. Yeah, now I run the risk of giving it to you, and you're mad at me and not talking to me, and now I'm stuck with something I try to give you. Yeah, so now you create a constant battle in that child, yes, which causes chaos. But they mostly can't process it. Yeah, I don't know what to do with it. That's hence that's why I came to somebody older than me, because I don't know what to do with it. You basically got silence, like you deal with it. I don't know how to deal with this. That's why I just came to you.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that's why you understand behavior problems. Yeah. This, that, and the third. I'm like adult tempered tantrum. Yes, yep, yes, exactly what it is. It just didn't fall out.
SPEAKER_06Yep.
SPEAKER_01Okay, come on, Lucy.
SPEAKER_06Um, so when um I'm gonna say acknowledging my brokenness is 20 May of 2019. Um, this gentleman here was then my friend. Okay, gentlemen. And um allowed me a safe space and a place to share things that I've never shared with any other man or male. He provided that space for me to say, hey, I was violated as a child. I didn't like it. I couldn't never tell nobody else's. So he just had this openness that allowed me to just speak freely to him. So in that, that's was I was like, okay, nah, you gotta work on some stuff, girl, because yeah, he asking you questions, and you like, like, I'm gonna put my toe in the water, but maybe I shouldn't, because it's cold, cold. Yeah, it's like, wait a minute, ooh, no, nope, it's not time for swimsuits yet. Let's go back. So it's May of 2019. It's when I I realized it. And as time matriculated and continued to go and go and go, as my sister here would say, wait a minute, I got your location. Where are you at? You born out of town. Who you in the car with? You don't go nowhere, you don't leave the kids. I was like, this is how much she knows. And I'm like, just who is he? Because he done got you to get in the car and go all the way out of town. I was like, yeah.
SPEAKER_08Oh, but who this man?
SPEAKER_06Who this man?
SPEAKER_01So maybe he can sweep out the caboose.
SPEAKER_08I said, Sissy, send me his tag number. What is he driving? You know I will come down there quick if I have to.
SPEAKER_06The backstory is real, and I didn't have to because that's the first time I ever felt safe enough. Even in not knowing how other things were gonna play out, I still felt safe enough with him. I I just he's just always giving me that. So being able to acknowledge it, deal with it, and again, in therapy at this current moment, um and just learning different things about myself, my self-awareness with me. Like, what are the things that I like? What is it I want to do? I don't have to equate anything to what everybody else feels about me. What is it I feel about myself? And stop allowing the pressures of everyone else to determine what it is I do. Because I'm coming from where you have seven people in your home and you gotta make sure, okay, who's getting to work, who's gonna take them to work, who can I trust driving my car because I'm too tired to drive, because God knows if I drive the night and you gotta be at work at 10 and you don't get off till six in the morning, I'm getting up to go to work. So by the time I get up to come pick you up, you're gonna drop me off at the subway to take the car back to the house and make sure the kids get to school. That was a lot. So me being here now in Elizabeth City, I got up and God said, You going home? Okay, yeah, well, I gotta go to work first. Uh no, you're not. If you stay here any longer, you're gonna die.
SPEAKER_01I remember that day.
SPEAKER_06That's the second time I was told I would die. And had I stayed, that wasn't just a mental, emotional death, that was death. So me being here is not no, woo, we on a roller coaster. It was a roller coaster, all right. It was nice that I cried all night long. There were days I sat up in the middle of the bed and cried because I felt like I left them unhinged. And now when I look at it, I tried to provide what I could, and what I couldn't, I just couldn't. And it wasn't the fact that they didn't have it even to this moment. When you call me, I'm not there to put out no fire. You call me before the fire starts, or I don't know what to tell you because I can't overwhelm me. I'm getting to a space and place where I'm renegotiating contracts. And if you can't go by the terms that are being set now, sorry for you. They're called boundaries. And just because we're family doesn't mean that you don't get a boundary. We're not taught that even as family, you get a boundary. You deserve a boundary. It's just certain things you're not gonna come over here and do. So am I going in this stage in place protect what I have now? Because I've never been this person that I am. The person she's growing into, she's evolving into, and she's healing. And again, it's not easy. People make healing this, oh my god, it's no flower. Definitely not easy.
SPEAKER_01No, uh it's not easy.
SPEAKER_06It's some ugly moments in there.
SPEAKER_01Ugly.
SPEAKER_06And again, if it has not been for not just my sister, my husband, even my kids being so understanding, that has been freeing for me. So I have to say thank you for opening the door to me being able to see different views of myself where I kept saying, I'm not enough. I can't, I can't show up like that because I I don't have that. I don't I don't have the education they have. I don't have a degree, I don't have this, I don't have that. Oh Lord. And now to understand that it's not about the education. It ain't about the degree, it's about what I feed me. So that's why I'm constantly feeding myself the best stuff right now. I can't. I can't go back to her because if I go back to her, I may not ever come out of that again.
SPEAKER_01I I appreciate your sentiments of thanking me, but I need to thank you for having the self-awareness and the ingenuity and the tenacity to set forth to do what you need to do. Everybody has their own duties to themselves to be better. A lot of people don't even know how to be better. Some people know how to be better but don't know how to obtain it. Some people can obtain it but don't know where. There's so many caveats to being better. You stayed at it, you worked, you're working, and I appreciate it. I I appreciate all of you, all of you just growing and being better because that's what it's all about. Don't give yourself in your list of ghosts just every day, people. It's it's just that simple. You know, if if you prayed for you know 35 seconds yesterday, pray for 30 seconds. It's something that's small. It's just all you do is take one step at a time. Take one step at a time. And at some point you get to look around and see that you're in a different part of the park that you've never been in. Because you start walking in place, you start walking backwards, you start going over to the grass, you follow the path, and realize there's a whole nother side to this park that you've never been in. So trust in the process. And again, I I appreciate all of your stories and just coming from I'm not gonna say nothing, but coming from struggle just to get to a place to be. You out over there? Mm-hmm. You about to drive by. I mean, you know.
SPEAKER_00I was like, what you triggered the rumor response. Like, what?
SPEAKER_05Do I need to get up?
SPEAKER_00I was like, what just happened?
SPEAKER_05About to jump out of this room.
SPEAKER_00Get your hands out of my pocket. I was like, little rock landed on me. Okay, Wendy X.
SPEAKER_04Okay, Kenya. Um, where I acknowledged my brokenness, I can say probably about eight years ago, past relationship that I was in. Um, that was like the worst. But um, I had to take accountability for myself as to what I allowed um in that relationship. Um because I've been so hurt. Of course, you know, as a woman, you want someone in your life. Um sometimes, I mean, being hurt, some things you accept, some things you about to go crazy. Cause I know there were times when I did some things where I'm just like, I'm getting too old for this. You know, even like doing stuff to the cars and stuff like that. But what that's that's that's the past. But you know, out your car. But I had to take accountability for myself to understand the things I allowed uh to happen to me. And though, and that to this day is like I'm not allowing anything, uh, anyone to uh make me feel that way again. Um that relationship allowed me to distance myself from people that I shouldn't have. Because when you distance yourself, you're not, you know, it's just you isolating yourself, well, you know, you're not healing from it. Um I'm still working, I mean, I'm still a work in progress. I'm way better than what I was before. Um but um not saying that you know when that person comes into my life, that it's still gonna be a lot of work to do. Because, you know, everybody has different personalities. And um I'm not gonna say I'm not a f you know, I'm not a but um that that part right there, that relationship really broke me. That that relationship, it really broke me. And and like I said, it took a lot for me to learn from that and to also see myself um what I needed to work on as far as me is concerned. So yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_01All right, we got one more we're gonna get out of here. Who can we run to?
SPEAKER_02Who can I run to love? Where will I go? I'm looking for lava. But no one's learning to go.
SPEAKER_03Where can I where I can go?
SPEAKER_02I'm looking for but no one sleep to go. Who can I ride?
SPEAKER_01When I love the last question we're getting out of here. This has been a very impactful and informative. I definitely have a much better and clearer view of my sisters. And we're gonna get this last question and get on out of here. Got some stuff to do.
SPEAKER_05Is it a good view?
SPEAKER_01It's the only view. I don't have multiple views. You know, I use the view master. I, you know, I put in the little card in the viewmaster and I just click it. Click it.
SPEAKER_05I had a real one.
SPEAKER_01All I can view is what was said because your reality is that's what it is. You gotta hold up to the sunlighter so you can look brighter. All right. Last question, ladies. And again, I I really appreciate all of you all, and I keep forgetting this. I do not own the rights to this music. I do not own the rights to this music. I sound nothing like them.
SPEAKER_00Just give me this look.
SPEAKER_01What part of your story needs the most attention and how does the next chapter look, Miss Ebony?
SPEAKER_05What part of the story needs the most attention?
SPEAKER_07Um, I think for me, just to continue to um I guess continue to grow and evolve. Um I'm not sure what that next chapter looks like. I'm in prayer that, you know, that will be revealed to me. Um I'm hoping that something good would manifest since I'm doing my work.
SPEAKER_01Oh boy, the loaded innuendos coming across this table.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh boy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. That was good.
SPEAKER_01Yana, I'm stricking it off the record, Yana.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's on there now. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Point to advisory, point of arsery. Oh boy, come on, Wendy.
SPEAKER_08Uh for me. The next chapter in this story is sitting in the passenger seat with my seatbelt on and letting Jesus take me where I need to go. Come on, passenger princess.
SPEAKER_01I'm trying to tell you, she's been over here philosophying.
SPEAKER_08Hey, I'm for real, y'all.
SPEAKER_01I'm about to pass a plate. I'm for real.
SPEAKER_08I'm tired. What? I'm tired. I'm about to be 50, and uh I've been fighting for a long time. And when I say fight, I've been fighting myself for a very long time, and I'm tired. And I'm just in a place now where I'm just like, ah, surrendering. I you've got this. I'm just sit here. You said what? Okay. I ain't gonna like it. I'm gonna tell you, I don't like it, but I'm going. I'ma go. We gonna do because I know I deserve it. And this the only way that I'm gonna get what is is due, is mine. Yeah. It's just by surrendering and letting go.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely.
SPEAKER_06That's all I was saying. She just made it sound a little more eloquent.
SPEAKER_01It's amazing. The reading specialist just committed plagiarism.
SPEAKER_00Plagiarism.
SPEAKER_01You took my paper.
SPEAKER_04She didn't say it verbatim the way she said it does. It's called paraphrasing.
SPEAKER_01I didn't see no quotation marks. Come on now. I gotta go. Just run it there for me. I'm I'm getting overrunning here.
SPEAKER_05Um, what part of my story needs the most attention? This one, this one right here, right now.
SPEAKER_01What are you looking at? What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_05This this part, this stage of my life because I'm having things coming and being shown to me that I don't like. And I wasn't ready. Like I gave it, but I was like, okay, he's gonna give me, you know, some grace to adjust.
SPEAKER_04Showing up when things are uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_05Right. But he was like, nah, you said right now, I'm gonna show you what right now means.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they say be careful what you pray for.
SPEAKER_05They said that, but you know, I've I've always believed that, but I ain't never had something like slap me across my face while I'm asleep. So you sitting up in the bed looking like I might need to be in a padding room. But I am grateful for it in the end because like they say, you know, these war wounds, you know, I'ma get there when I when I get there. But you know, this this part right here is this is personal and it's deep. And and if like Lucy said, if you don't understand it, bye. I I'm sorry. I know you, but I didn't get you with the wooden spoon like over there.
SPEAKER_01That's abusive.
SPEAKER_05No, I'm saying love you that far apart.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay, I got you. Yeah, you know the wooden spoon got a double on time training. You can't just say that.
SPEAKER_05No, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01You got somebody flashing back.
SPEAKER_05Oh, I'm late. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01There you go. Correct everybody. Put that spoon away now.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, put it down.
SPEAKER_01That's my hiding under the table.
SPEAKER_00Don't do that, mama. Knuckles hurt. Not the knuckles.
SPEAKER_01Come on, Kenya, before we get locked up.
SPEAKER_04All right, just to piggyback off of what Wendy said, just to stay on to continue to stay on the path that God has me on. Okay. Okay. What path is that? Stay focused and out of the way.
SPEAKER_01Focus and out of the way.
SPEAKER_04Out of the way of who?
SPEAKER_05Yourself.
SPEAKER_04I'm gonna stay in his path and and follow him. I gotcha.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay. We got some deaconesses at the table.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01You know you can't go to Bed Side Baptist and philosophy. I just want to make sure you know what's going on in there.
SPEAKER_04He know my heart. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Fix the Jesus, fix it. Fixy Jesus, fix it.
SPEAKER_01He knows my heart. You already know my thoughts.
SPEAKER_05I am in the image of him.
SPEAKER_01He knows Wendy, I'm following you when you leave. Glad ain't lightning outside.
SPEAKER_05Come on, Lucy. Evangelists.
SPEAKER_00We take cash out. Come on, Lucy.
SPEAKER_05I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_04Collection plate.
SPEAKER_05Tax rate over.
SPEAKER_06So I'm gonna say um where I am. You know, I I can't go beyond anything that he doesn't show me. I can't go back either, because that's not what he wants. And he, I'm meaning God. So um to be able to do self-reflections or to be able to look back over some things, yes, fine, great, wonderful. But to go back and sit in it for a long period of time, I'm not doing it. I did that long enough. So in this space, again, surrendering to what his will is, not mine's, and constantly dying to self. That poor wow, you better preach. So I I can't tell you what something else looks like right now. I can only tell you where he has me at. And until he decides to give me a snippet or a sonogram of the next thing, I'm just gonna sit and wait for his direction. I don't need to know because sometimes me knowing, I'll talk myself out of it. So I'm good. So I'll sit in this space he has me in, and he I'm gonna be content. I'm just gonna be pregnant.
SPEAKER_08There you go.
SPEAKER_06I'm just something no, you didn't.
SPEAKER_08Pregnant with the the pregnant and waiting, the waiting, waiting for the birth of the new.
SPEAKER_01I'm a little I'm a heathen, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_05Oh then we take evangelists over here.
SPEAKER_01That's what I said. I'm slow, I'm sorry. Let me get some Sunday vacation Bible school something.
SPEAKER_05We understood you, Wendy. Listen to the word.
SPEAKER_01But that's why I said y'all, y'all hipping me stuff. She's pregnant, okay. Listen to the word. See, I mean, all I know is waiting as hell.
SPEAKER_00Oh god. Tell me Wendy.
SPEAKER_01Huh? No, don't get Wendy on me now. I'm gonna start crying. Oh jeez, I'm sorry. Y'all stop. Okay, so look, let's just wrap this up. Okay. Before we get too deep in this, start giving our collection page. I appreciate all of you all. Let me stop it. I appreciate all of you all for coming on, move the crowd and finally getting this out the way. I've been trying to do this for a while. All of you all have phenomenal stories, and all of you all are phenomenal women. I love each and every one of you all.
SPEAKER_00We love you back. We love you too. Kumbaya, my lord.
SPEAKER_01Flashing back to private school.
SPEAKER_06I was about to say his band over me too. What? I said I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna get my penny loavers and my dime.
SPEAKER_06I thought it was a penny. A penny.
SPEAKER_01No, I was Republican.
SPEAKER_06Oh god.
SPEAKER_01I had the diamond and Lucy had and Lucy had creases in her cable net socks. But is it true? I mean, just but creases the socks.
SPEAKER_04It's okay to grind my grandmother's iron. So you had creases too? My grandmother used to iron my underclothes too.
SPEAKER_06Yes, yeah. And that's the first thing Mama said. Is it a good starch spray?
SPEAKER_05Right. The starch. The complete board. Yeah. It's in the wrist. It's in the wrist. It's in the wrist. Baby straight. Yeah, food just. I feel wrong.
SPEAKER_01I put my pants in the mattress. Oh my God.
SPEAKER_07Come on, rap.
SPEAKER_01This is Tinder two cities. I'm tired of y'all. Hey, look, the way they judging me right now, they are really judging me right now.
SPEAKER_06No, baby.
SPEAKER_01No. They judging me.
SPEAKER_06No, baby.
SPEAKER_05You know, the he folded them and put them in the yeah, he folded and put them there to get the line. Wrap up. That's what's the creasing. Put the bank in them too. The bank and the pants in the mattress.
SPEAKER_01So go ahead and shout out your therapist. I'm gonna need them after this one. Anyway.
SPEAKER_00What?
SPEAKER_05Thank you for having us.
SPEAKER_01No, thank you all until the end. I mean, I don't know what happened.
SPEAKER_05You still thank us.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And I pray that all of your journeys continue and you all continue to look inward and definitely rely on God's wisdom and his love. And to keep you all safe and focused. I uh pray that everything that we talked about didn't fall anybody's ears in a malicious and rude way. Everything we said was our opinions, our stories, and our history. It was our testimony. I appreciate everyone tuning in. I appreciate all of my sisters. Thank you all so much. And until the next time, see you again on Move the Crowd.
