The Body Image Revolution
The Body Image Revolution
Finding True Body Love After an Eating Disorder With Nadine Synett
In this episode, my incredible client, Nadine opens up about her journey toward a body love she didn’t know was possible. After recovering from anorexia in her early adult years, Nadine was told she’d always struggle with having an eating disorder mindset. Years later, a traumatic birth experience further pulled her focus away from herself. Nadine shares how these experiences shaped her relationship with her body and how the Healing Boudoir Experience and working together changed everything for her. If you’re ready to release old thoughts, identities, and limiting beliefs, this inspiring conversation is for you!
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Today on The Body Image Revolution, I am bringing you something really, really special, someone really special. And that is my amazing and inspiring client Nadine. We had such a heartfelt and authentic conversation that just left me on a high for the rest of the day, after we had it. You're going to hear how incredibly inspiring her story is. And she's going to share with you her journey toward loving her body. Which was not the easiest path to decide to embark on for her. I know that if you are here and listening, you are most likely someone who is looking to let go of thoughts, ideas, or identities that are no longer serving you. And if so, you are going to get so much from this episode. Especially when you hear everything this resilient woman has gone through and how her journey has evolved and the transformational mindset shifts that she's had in the last six months and how it just shaped where she is right now. When she reached out to me about six months ago, she said that she had physically recovered from an eating disorder. But in her mind, she still carried it with her, and she did not want to pass that on. Through our work together, through the Healing Boudoir Experience, and now The New Sexy, Nadine flipped the whole fucking script. And I just can't wait for you to hear it all from her. Enjoy. Hey, Nadine, thank you so much for coming on today. Thank you for having me. Of course. I'm so excited for this conversation. It's been really amazing working with you for, I don't know, how long has it been now? When did you contact me? Spring, summer? Yeah, yeah.
Nadine Synett:I think it was spring. Yeah, it's like, it seems like a long time ago, but it also seems like a minute ago. That's how I feel. And I feel like still like unraveled, you know what I mean? So much still comes up where you're like, how did I not talk about it already months ago when we first met? You know?
Rebecca Sigala:Wow. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like that. It's such a beautiful journey to be on and definitely ever evolving. Today, we're going to talk a little bit about your experience over the last six months or so. But also I'm really looking forward to hearing, I mean, I know your story, but maybe even hearing a little bit more in depth about your story and just sharing with our listeners, because so much of what you've gone through, first of all, resonates with me, but also this transformation that you've gone through in the last little bit has been incredibly inspiring. And every time we have a conversation, I'm just like, Oh my gosh, we need to talk about this. People need to hear that. So thank you. Thanks for being here.
Nadine Synett:I'm excited to dive in.
Rebecca Sigala:Yes. Let's see what
Nadine Synett:comes up this time.
Rebecca Sigala:Exactly. Maybe something completely new. So can you tell us just a little bit of background information? Where are you from? Where do you live now? How many kids do you have? Yeah, so I
Nadine Synett:grew up in Germany in a small village where most people who live there have lived there for generations. Wow. So we were a little like the outsider family, or that's how I felt, because we were the only Jewish family. I know what that feels like. Yeah, and I was not from there. Like, my mom is from England. Mm hmm. So, you know, we only spoke English at home, and there weren't a lot of, like, now it's very different. Mm hmm. But there weren't any other immigrants or there weren't any other people from other countries, you know, so it was very much like the people who lived in this village. And like, that's how I felt, you know, no one else probably felt like that, but I felt like that. And then I moved to Berlin to study psychology. And then I moved to Israel because my husband lived here. We fell in love and I wanted to be with him. That's all that matters. How
Rebecca Sigala:many years ago was that?
Nadine Synett:It was 10 years ago now. Yeah. Wow.
Rebecca Sigala:Wow. That's amazing And how many kids you have what do you do for work?
Nadine Synett:So I have three children with him and he has four children from his first marriage so I Got married when I was 25. So I became a stepmother to four kids which wow Yeah, I don't think that's what I was getting into. Like at 25. Yeah, but they're, they're really amazing kids. The relationship between us is really good. Thank God. And it's so much so that they were just open to, you know, get to know me and include me in their family type thing, you know? That's so beautiful. Yeah. And there's all kinds of like interesting dynamics and also just like, You know, how do you fit into a car? You know, we have
Rebecca Sigala:two
Nadine Synett:cars now. That is
Rebecca Sigala:a good question. Do you guys have two cars?
Nadine Synett:Yeah, we have two cars now, but for a long time we didn't, and it was always, we couldn't do a lot of things because we didn't have space to like, you know. Wow. We lived in Jerusalem for a long time, so we didn't need two cars. Like, it seemed ridiculous to have two cars, and now that we live in the back of Beyond, we need to have two cars, so. Amazing. I mean, it's interesting that I have a degree in psychology and, you know, you know so much. And I think that when we met, I think I was so aware of a lot of things, but there was so much that I felt like I was stuck, you know, and somehow I think I was in this belief that maybe I had to go through another 10 years of therapy to like get out of it or that I would never get out of it, but maybe something would relieve, you know, get a relief from
Rebecca Sigala:that. Yeah, like you have a degree in psychology and on this journey, self aware, understanding kind of where things are coming from in your childhood and things like that. And then just feeling stuck, which is actually what I wanted to ask you about. Before we began working together, what was your life like? What were you struggling with at the time?
Nadine Synett:If I like reflect on it all, I feel like When I got pregnant and I had my son there was a lot of medical issues with him and it was just so all Consuming everything was him and his illness, you know And everything was just me being a mother and I think everyone experiences that to a certain extent how you just lose yourself in motherhood
Rebecca Sigala:Yes.
Nadine Synett:And you lose that sense of, you know, who you are.
Rebecca Sigala:Totally. I felt like that. I absolutely felt like that. Like also being so young and just not knowing what you're quote unquote getting yourself into. But then I can imagine on top of it having that experience. What was it exactly? What happened with your son?
Nadine Synett:So I was pregnant already when I moved to Israel. And when I went to the doctor here, she realized that he had a very, very big bladder. The funny thing is I made a joke. I, when I was lying there, I had a full bladder. I was like, I need to go to the toilet. And I was like, Oh, maybe he's just holding it in. You know, like I made that joke. Maybe he's just holding it in. And her face, I saw in her face that this is not normal. Yeah. And she's like, no, there's definitely a blockage in his urethra. And currently I believe that from the extension of his bladder, we don't believe that it's a full obstruction. He can urinate to a certain extent, but not properly, which means that all the urine goes back into his kidneys instead of like relieving it into the amniotic fluid.
Rebecca Sigala:It was way more life threatening and serious than normal. You realized I actually,
Nadine Synett:I had no idea. I also didn't look up the condition. I think I was just a little bit in denial and I just kept thinking, okay, once he's born, you know, they'll do the operation. They'll relieve the obstruction and he'll be fine. That's what I kept thinking and then they did have to do an operation while he was inside of me with. They put like this tube, it looks a bit like a straw, into his bladder and that relieved basically the pressure onto his kidneys and on his bladder. I had to go to weekly checkups to make sure that it was still in place and then at 31 weeks she said to me, it's not in place anymore. We can't do it again because there's not enough amniotic fluid, so there's not enough visibility to do it. And you have two choices now, you can have an abortion. Or you can give birth. And like, to me, I just saw the baby there, you know, in the ultrasound. Yeah. Like, how am I supposed to just have an abortion now? But they have to offer it, because you just don't know, they didn't know what was going to happen. And they have to give that option, apparently, to women that, you know, like, they thought the baby would probably die because his lungs weren't developed enough and his kidneys would probably not function. But I gave birth. Like, to me, abortion wasn't an option. So I gave birth and then he was really ill, like he had a brain bleed, and even then I don't think we realized how serious it was, because you're just in this survival mode. I remember my mom was here by chance, because she lives in Germany, there was a wedding of two people. One of my cousins, so she was in the country actually, she came to me the next day, I had the c section, it was a terrible c section, another nine level traumatic. She came to me and she's like, okay, here's a breast pump, you need to get up, you need to get on with it, you know, and I was like, Whoa, I don't know what you want from me right now get on
Rebecca Sigala:with it. Oh
Nadine Synett:my
Rebecca Sigala:gosh
Nadine Synett:She like I know what she means now at the time. I was like, what the hell do you want from me right now? but it was much more like you have a baby now to look after and How you feel right now Is not important because there's a tiny little human there who's fighting And you need to do everything you can to help him
Rebecca Sigala:Wow, that really hit me because i'm thinking about it You know, when people go through traumatic experiences like that and having to go into survival mode and all the things that you and I talk about, about like our relationship with ourselves and our body image and being able to, you know, focus on ourselves first, that wasn't even an option for you at the time you could talk about being lost in motherhood, but there was no other option. You literally. Had to show up for your baby. And it seems like it would have been a really difficult time and probably shaped the way that you saw yourself afterwards. Can you speak to that at all? How, as, you know, thank God the baby, he survived, right? He survived. Yes, thank God. Oh my God, he's so beautiful. And
Nadine Synett:you I mean, the thing is, it didn't end there. You know, it wasn't like we were in hospital and he would come home and then you're just a regular mom. Yeah. In and out of hospital, he had a really serious operation when he was two and a half, so it wasn't like everything was just, you know, like
Rebecca Sigala:it was something that you continually had to manage.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. And I think that that, and then losing myself in, in this experience of just being on survival mode, like it took a really long time to get out of survival mode. Yeah. We still go through phases where sometimes I get pushed back into that, but I just, I don't think I thought about myself at all. You know what I mean? Like I didn't, I didn't really think about how I looked or, you know, there wasn't really a time to like, I wasn't important. You know what I mean? And I think that even then when I got out of the survival mode, I still felt like that. I'm not important. Like I, what I feel and what I need. And I think that a lot of that feeling of like, Yeah. I'm not worth looking after, you know? Yeah. Like I'm not as important as all the other things on my list that I need to do.
Rebecca Sigala:Right. I feel like that makes a lot of sense that that would stick with you afterwards.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. And I think, I think I didn't realize how much it affects my relationships as well. You know, that I can't be kind to myself. And so I can't be kind to my husband and I'm, you know.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah.
Nadine Synett:I think that's.
Rebecca Sigala:Firstly, I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that. It sounds just, it's so difficult. Like, there's no words for how difficult that must be as a mother and just wanting your baby to be okay.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, it was, it was awful. It was, I mean, it's just, it's just, When I look back at it, I just, I can't even imagine how we did it, you know, like how you just, you know, you just do it. But if I now had to go through the experience again, I would just be like, Oh my God, how am I going to manage? You know?
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, absolutely. I mean, when you look back and just seeing how resilient you were, your baby was, I mean, it's really, It's really just truly a miracle. Yeah. How old is your son? He's 10. He's 10. Oh my gosh. So you said that as you, you know, continued in life and everything seemed to be okay. You still kind of had this feeling about yourself that you weren't. Worthy of attention or you weren't as important as other people. Can you tell me a little bit about how your relationship with yourself and your body evolved over the years to the point where, right before we spoke, how you were feeling and what your day to day life was like?
Nadine Synett:Yeah, so I think we have to go way back. When I was 16, I went on a diet. I wanted to lose five kilos. Then I remember my mom said to me, like, I don't think it was that year, but at some point she said to me that like, I have a great figure, but just my legs needed to thin down a little bit like that. I have that little bit of chubbiness over my knee. Like I still see it. It's something that I always point out on myself, you know, not anymore, but before that one thing, like I always thought my legs were fat anyway. Because she told you this really young, how
Rebecca Sigala:old
Nadine Synett:were you when that happened? Like, 14, 15 and it was it wasn't that young, but it was a time where. Like I developed very early. I was that kid who was wearing a bra and had that period at 11 and no one else did. You know, so I already, I stuck out because of that. And then at 14, 15, I looked like an 18 year old. So, you know, if you already feel so out of place with your peers, and then there are comments made from people who are your parents, it's hard to just be like, I don't know what you're talking about.
Rebecca Sigala:Of
Nadine Synett:course. So I wanted to lose five kilos and five became seven became ten.
Rebecca Sigala:My goodness.
Nadine Synett:Became more and more and more obsessiveness of I'm not allowed to eat this, I'm not allowed to eat this, and just continuing to lose more and more weight. And with the weight, more and more people just, like, distanced themselves,
Rebecca Sigala:and
Nadine Synett:didn't know what to do with me. My mom, very early on, did notice what was going on, and realized I was getting too thin, so I started therapy quite early on in my journey, like, I met over time people who were anorexic or could, and eating disorder where. I took them years to get help and I think the longer you wait with getting help, the more it is also manifested in you, you know, so I did get help really early on and someone had to go to an eating disorder clinic because you were
Rebecca Sigala:actually diagnosed at that point.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, I was, I went to a therapist, I was diagnosed, I worked with her and the GP on continuing therapy and everything at home, but basically the rule was if I went down below a certain weight, then I had to go to a clinic because then my therapist was like, I can't take responsibility for it anymore because you're below weight, you can't survive on that on a long term basis.
Rebecca Sigala:So scary.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. And I mean, I remember my GP saying to me, I had two other anorexic patients and they died on me and I'm not going to let you die on me.
Rebecca Sigala:Is that
Nadine Synett:helpful to
Rebecca Sigala:hear or not helpful to hear at the
Nadine Synett:time? I don't think I even like
Rebecca Sigala:registered it.
Nadine Synett:It didn't register with me at all. I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine. Yeah. Like I'm not, I'm not that crazy kind of thing, but I was. Like I remember times when I went to bed and I didn't want to wake up in the morning, you know, it was a really Really dark time for me. So my family, you know in the end you put your family through it as well They're affected so much by it
Rebecca Sigala:How old were you when it was that dark time? You started the diet when you were 14 15
Nadine Synett:But the worst was like when I was 17, 17 was the worst. I think I blacked out a lot of it. I felt like when you go through something like that, you just forget and you don't realize how bad it actually was. Yeah. And I went to this clinic and it helped me in a certain sense. And some sense it didn't help me at all. But what I did realize then, I felt like I had two options. I could either continue on the way that I'm going. And then. at some point wake up as a 40 year old or 50 year old and still be anorexic and have no family and no friends and you know, because there were people like that in the clinic or I have to get better. I mean, death was the other option, but wow, you know, I was 38 kilos. I'm 174
Rebecca Sigala:meters. How long did it take you to get to a place where you felt, I guess, recovered in a sense?
Nadine Synett:Is that how you would phrase it? So I think when I finished school I had to repeat a year because I missed so much with being in the clinic and everything. So at 19, I finished school, I was almost 20. I felt like there was joy in my life again, and I had a boyfriend and there was a future and I wanted to go and study. And there was like, there was life, you know? But like possibilities happening. Yeah,
Rebecca Sigala:yeah. Opportunities. But weight-wise,
Nadine Synett:I was still really thin. It wasn't any more worrying then, but it was very thin, you know, like
Rebecca Sigala:still in that mindset, but a hundred percent
Nadine Synett:still in the mindset of I want to be thin. And
Rebecca Sigala:that was after the eating disorder recovery program.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. Like I, I think what you learn as someone who has an eating disorder and you're diagnosed and you go through therapy that they always will stick with you. So I think that was always something in my mind that, you know, I'm never going to be Normal, you know, it's always going to be part of me and I should be grateful for how far I've come. Right. Yeah, that was always my thought, you know, it wasn't like, okay, but if you do something else, maybe you'll just like. Wake up in the morning and think you are beautiful. You know, that was never a thought. I was, I kept thinking like I should be grateful that I'm not anorexic anymore.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, it really hit me when you recently told me that you don't believe that anymore, that this eating disorder is always gonna be with you. Because I also heard that. I also heard that. Once you have an eating disorder, like, that's it. You're gonna have that in the back of your mind for your entire life. And then, what did you say? What did you say the other day?
Nadine Synett:I didn't realize when I contacted you that it actually would be so life changing.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah.
Nadine Synett:Like that you could just let go of it or, you know, but it doesn't have to be with you all the time that you don't have to be that person. And then I was thinking how all women spend so much time thinking about how they look and how they feel about their body and how they make their self worth dependent on how much they weigh. And what would women as a whole look like if we didn't do that? You know what I mean?
Rebecca Sigala:It'd be an entirely different world. I think about it all the time. I think about it all the time. Okay, wait. So we have to back up a little bit. So you had this boyfriend at the time and you were a bit healthier physically, but you still had this mindset. And then how did things develop to the place where you, you know, you were a mom, You already had children. I think it was the third child, right, right before you contacted me. And how were you feeling about yourself then? Like, do you, do you still feel like you were in that mindset? What was your relationship with your body at that time?
Nadine Synett:So with my boys. I lost all the baby weight almost immediately. It just fell off, basically. And with my daughter now, it didn't. And I had all these clothes that I couldn't wear, and I kept thinking, well, I'm not going to buy new clothes because I should fit into my old
Rebecca Sigala:clothes. Which is actually, I think, very common for women to feel. Like, it wasn't necessarily because of your eating disorder that you were feeling like that.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, but I think I hyper focused on it a lot
Rebecca Sigala:like Like how is it affecting the day to day that you felt like you weren't losing the baby weight?
Nadine Synett:It felt very ambivalent because I kept thinking, well, if I wasn't breastfeeding, then I could just not eat. I could just not eat lunch, and I could just eat less, and I could go on a really strict diet, and I would lose the weight, but then I can't do that because I I have a baby that I need to feed. So I need to eat and I need to look after myself because otherwise I won't be able to feed her. And it was important to me. She was, she's probably going to be my last baby. So for me, like, I want to breastfeed. I want to breastfeed for, you know, as long as we both wanted, but it was like a constant, you need to lose weight, but I can't lose weight, but you need to lose weight, but you know, I just got to a point where I was like, I don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore. And also she's my, like I had two boys and now Lily. And I was like, I don't want her to feel like this. I don't want her to grow up feeling that her self worth is dependent on what her body looks like. I want her to love herself. And I want her to have this foundation of like, you know, I look great and I'm happy and I'm joyful and I'm beautiful because that's how I see her, you know? And I also just. You know, there's like all this generational eating disorder thing in my family. And I just was like, someone needs to break this cycle. Otherwise we're just going to continue like this forever and ever. And she is going to grow up to have an eating disorder or have like eating disorder behavior. And then her child is going to be like that. And in a world with social media being so on top of you as like, everyone's perfect and everyone looks so great. And everyone's exercising 24 seven. You need to have a foundation of self worth that is not dependent on that. You know, you are beautiful no matter what.
Rebecca Sigala:Right. I don't think that people really realize the impact that it has on their everyday lives. And I think in a way, because you went through such an intense experience, having an eating disorder, you're like, I know where this leads and I don't want this for myself. I don't want this obsessive thinking for myself and it consuming so much of my mind during the day, but I also don't want this for my kids. And you know, you know what could happen. You know the road that so many teenagers go down. Maybe they don't hit the place where it's either they get better or they die, but you know that that exists. And I think a lot of people don't necessarily realize that.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, and I don't want her to ever get through that.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, I love
Nadine Synett:her. But I really felt like it, and I still feel like that. It starts with me. If I can't feel happy within myself and the way I am and the way I look, how is she supposed to? How is she not going to do exactly what
Rebecca Sigala:I do? Yeah. You had that knowing even before you reached out to me, because I think that was part of it was like, I'm still in this mindset and I'm being obsessive about this quote unquote, baby weight. And I don't want this for my daughter. And I know that it starts with me. You knew that, which was really an amazing self awareness to have at the time. So then you came across my work and like, how did you feel when you saw my, it was my Instagram page, right? Yeah.
Nadine Synett:No, I saw you on Facebook because I saw you posting in groups about how you were doing the free phone session like iPhone for the idea
Rebecca Sigala:of sessions.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, and then I looked you up on Instagram and I started just just following you and you like, you know what the algorithm does, you know, I looked at something and then it shows up again and again and again. I'm so glad it did that. As a social media expert, I can say to you, brand awareness works. You know, the more you see something, the more you get interested in it. Totally. Totally. But it took me a bit of time to actually reach out. And I think it was like, I have to do something. And I went through therapy and it got me to a specific point. But I felt like I needed something more radical. Maybe, you know, I just, I felt like I needed something different, like I could go into therapy and talk it out and talk it out and talk it out. I'm very good at that. But like, I need to feel it. You know, I don't know. I have this feeling that I would do this and I could feel it in my body. That was my like,
Rebecca Sigala:yeah. Absolutely. I mean, I totally relate to that.
Nadine Synett:And for me, just doing it, signing up for it and paying for it and doing it was like, so big for me because I think it was the first time in 10 years that I did something just for me, just for myself, you know, because as much as I really wanted to be, I want to be a good mom. It was also just like, how life changing will it be for me if I don't feel like this anymore? I felt I would be like, like I would be the person I was meant to be.
Rebecca Sigala:And you kind of had a little bit of a glimmer of that even before we began working together. You had hope. I had hope. What helped you make that decision to say yes to yourself and, like you said, really invest in yourself, which was such a big deal.
Nadine Synett:I mean, maybe that shouldn't have been the fact of my husband to, um, very much encourage me to do it. Yeah. You know, he always says, I don't see what he sees. Yeah. He said to me, you know, you want to do it. You don't need my permission to do it. Just, you know, but if that will help you do it, if you have, you have my
Rebecca Sigala:permission
Nadine Synett:and he was just like, yeah, I'm just going to enjoy the picture. So yeah, I get lost out of it as well.
Rebecca Sigala:That's amazing. So
Nadine Synett:the gift that keeps on giving.
Rebecca Sigala:Absolutely. Absolutely. So you think that one of the big things for you that started the journey was just making that decision to invest in yourself. How did that shift your mindset right away? I
Nadine Synett:started, I started with little things like we also spoke about it, but I started making sure that I drink enough water and I started having like a little mini morning routine. You literally, it was like a two second thing, but I. I just, it never thought of adding it. It was never like, I have time for it or it's not important, so I'm not gonna make time for it. And I, right. Um, I started also reading a book about diet culture. It's called I Am Not A Before Picture. I love that title, which I think such a good title. And so it was like I made that decision. And then little small things that I did within my day-to-Day Life, just, you know. I changed and I started doing gratitude
Rebecca Sigala:journaling. And I was actually just thinking about this today because I think so many women, they know all those little things that could help them, but they don't necessarily have the continued desire or motivation to do them. You know what I mean? And so making that decision to invest in yourself kind of sends a signal to your brain, like I'm important, I'm worthy of this, and I'm now going to focus on myself. And it's not just about doing the things, but it's also doing the things with love and compassion and not like I'm a piece of shit, but now I, you know, I need to get on top of my game, I need to stop being so lazy and I need to start doing these things, but actually doing it in a different way than you've done in the past. so much.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, I think a lot of people think that you're going to just let yourself go if you love yourself because it's like there's no motivation to keep at it. Pushing yourself. Yeah, but really it's the opposite and it comes far more natural to do it and I think that I didn't realize that. I think I didn't realize that. I just didn't realize how important it is for your relationships to do it. Like for my relationship with my husband, like I feel like I realized how important it is that I do things for myself. So I have made it a thing to be supportive that he does things for himself. Like if he wants. Yeah, I
Rebecca Sigala:remember having that conversation.
Nadine Synett:Like he started working out and you know, so he sometimes says like, do you want me to just come home or I'll just work out now for like half an hour. But if I'm inside, I'm like, yes. Work out for 45 minutes and
Rebecca Sigala:you should
Nadine Synett:do
Rebecca Sigala:it. It's important. Right? And it's not just knowing that because logically, I think before we began working together, you would know that logically, but it's really feeling that and wanting to do it.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, and I think doing it with love. Yeah, and I think when one just knows it one feels a bit resentful because it's like well You get to do this and I didn't get to do anything and I you know But if you could do it out of kindness, then you don't feel that you don't have that resentment of you know You have more than I do type of thing. Yeah.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, absolutely So in addition to being yourself as your top priority and wanting to take care of yourself with compassion and not from a place of guilt or punishment and making that shift, what are some other wins that you had along this journey?
Nadine Synett:So, one of the things we did together, which was A huge shift for me is that I got rid of all my old clothes. Oh my god, that was so much fun. I was just like, I didn't have any more of these clothes sitting there. Being like a constant reminder that I didn't fit in them somehow made me feel comfortable on a day-to-day basis. And then I got a few clothing that I felt comfortable in. Mm-Hmm. and I felt like I looked good in them. And I could also start exercising without this thought of, am I just doing it to fit back in those clothes or am I actually doing it just because I want to do something good for myself?
Rebecca Sigala:Right. You took away that, that concern or that question in your mind, if you were doing it for the, for the reasons that you wanted to be doing it for. I actually remember that call that we had, and you made a really convincing case about why you should quote unquote, keep your clothing. And I almost bought into it for a second. I was like, okay, yeah. And then I was like, wait a second. All these clothes are just sitting there. Reminding you that you're not satisfied with your body as it is and sitting there for a day that one day, maybe you'll be happy and confident in your clothing. Like, why are you still keeping it? And it was just so amazing to see that process from the beginning to the end of the fall where you're like, Yep, I'm going to do that. And I'm also going to throw away my scale.
Nadine Synett:Yes. That was a huge win, too. Yeah, it was, it was amazing to do it. It was amazing to give away all these clothes. Like, oh, so I went through them, I was like, some of these clothes I would never wear anyway. Right, like why was I holding on to it? Like I've changed. I don't like the same thing, you know? So why am I keeping these just for the sake of keeping them? So that was, that was huge for me.
Rebecca Sigala:That's huge.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. And then I think the other win was that I went and bought some really nice lingerie for the shoot, cause I've never, like, I, I still have bras in my drawer that I like from when I was 18, like I'm still wearing bras that are from,
Rebecca Sigala:and I'm like, I feel you girl, I totally get it. I mean, in the past, you know, several years it's changed, but even when I was in the beginning of my career and I saw all these beautiful pieces of lingerie people are bringing in, I still hadn't gotten on board with it. So I get that shift. It's really, it can be life changing in a way to think, wow, I. Could have bras and underwear that help me feel sexy. And it's literally, I mean, maybe it could be for your partner, but it's not only for your partner. It's literally just for yourself. It's like a up level of. Identity in a way.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, I feel like even now when I put them on I'm just like, you know, I feel a bit You know, I feel good, you know,
Rebecca Sigala:yeah Brings in some extra sexiness into your life.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, and no
Rebecca Sigala:one else knows about it. It's just like underneath it all, you know mysterious So all of this happened all these incredible wins happened even before you stepped into my studio because And we had your, you know, I think we began working together in about May. And usually we don't wait a full summer, but I think with summer and just all the things going on, it was a little bit longer than normal from the beginning of working together to your actual session. It was
Nadine Synett:also because of me, because I had Lily and I kept saying, I'm not sure I can leave her alone for a couple of hours.
Rebecca Sigala:Right. That was even the concern before you signed up. We were like, How am I going to even leave for a morning? I haven't ever even left my baby yet. Yeah. I remember that. I'm like, well, you're going to have to do it. Yeah. And
Nadine Synett:it was so easy. And yeah, she was fine. It was just me, like, it was me putting a barrier there. Like, I can't do this because of this. Because of that, you know?
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, I think our brains do that to protect us from the things that are really scary. Even though that was an actual concern, it wasn't THE concern. There are things that were underneath that, that I mean, to do something like this and completely change the way you see yourself and do something that's so vulnerable and outside of your comfort zone. Yeah. There's going to be a million reasons that come up in your brain that are going to try to stop you from doing the thing, but you're able to just look at them and be like, okay, I'll figure it out. Yeah. Which is really impressive. Okay, so then you had this whole experience leading up to the boudoir experience, and then you came to my studio on the day of, and what was that like for you? What did you expect it to be like and then how did it turn out?
Nadine Synett:I thought it was gonna be really awkward. I thought I would be awkward. I would be like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself and like, what am I doing with my face? And you know, like, I'm gonna Get naked now, you know, I'm gonna undress in front of someone else. Like I barely undress, you know, kind of
Rebecca Sigala:friends or
Nadine Synett:yeah, and also just in my daily life. And it's like, okay, I get dressed and I get, you know, but I never stand in front of the mirror and look at myself. And so it was like, yeah, you know, you have to be for a long time, like naked, you know, and just feel that. I don't know. So you
Rebecca Sigala:envisioned how different and awkward it could possibly be. And that's what you thought it could turn out like.
Nadine Synett:I just thought, you know, I thought I would just be awkward and I would be in my head and I would keep worrying about, you know, how does this look and how does this look and how, you know, and then I came and it wasn't like that at all. It wasn't, it was just so. I was in the moment. You got your hair and makeup done. Yeah, and she was amazing. She was so sweet. And, you know, she did it exactly how I imagined it to be. Beautiful. And it was just, it was such a luxury. Like, I didn't get my hair and makeup done for my wedding because I had a shotgun wedding. And I just, you know, it was like the first time I got this done. I was like, Oh my God, you know.
Rebecca Sigala:You're like the queen for the day.
Nadine Synett:Okay,
Rebecca Sigala:so then you got your hair and makeup done and we started the session and what happened? Like, something shifted. I felt like we entered in a different era. zone almost.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, 100%. It was like, it's so difficult to describe it if you haven't ever done it, but you just like, suddenly you're just completely at peace, you know, you don't think about anything and, and you're just there with yourself, just completely, you know, raw and naked. And
Rebecca Sigala:it's all just, And you weren't self conscious or thinking about things that you thought you were going to be thinking about? No, I wasn't thinking about
Nadine Synett:anything. I just remember you said, like, I should go into like, because I was worried that my face would look tense or that, you know, like you're trying to make a sexy face, but what is even a sexy face?
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. I would never tell someone like, give me a sexy face. Like, what does that even mean?
Nadine Synett:So I went to my happy place. And then I just didn't even need that afterwards, I think I just was so like, I really felt at peace. I think that's what it, that's what it felt like.
Rebecca Sigala:Wow. That's really significant to feel. Do you feel like that was like an at peace in general in life? Or was it specifically like I feel at peace with my body?
Nadine Synett:Or both? I think both. I think it was, I feel at peace with my body just the way it is, which I don't think I ever, ever thought I would feel like that. Yeah. And, and as I'm just so much happier in my whole life. Like my whole life feels like it has changed because of it.
Rebecca Sigala:Incredible. That's incredible. It's so hard to describe. It was just such a magical experience. I remember being there with you and we were both crying at some point. What were you even crying about? Do you remember? I think you said something, you might've said it in this episode as well, but something about like, I didn't realize this was possible or that I could think about my body differently. I don't remember what it was exactly, but I just, I remember the exact moment and how I felt. And it was just so transformative to be in that moment and to see you literally before my eyes shift the way that you perceived so much of yourself.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. I think I always. I was scared that I would one day wake up when I'm 70 and, and look at pictures and be like, I was beautiful. Like, and I,
Rebecca Sigala:I think that's what you said.
Nadine Synett:And I just wasted so much time and energy and, you know, Life on thinking that I wasn't, and, and I think I realized then that I, I don't have to wait till I'm set. Like I, I am actually there right now in this moment. I feel, I actually feel it. I'm not faking it. You know how sometimes you look in the mirror and you are faking it and you're like, oh yeah. You know? Yeah. You know, you put on sexy underwear and you're faking being sexy, or you know,
Rebecca Sigala:yeah. Fake it till you make it. People tell you that's even what you're supposed to do.
Nadine Synett:But in that moment, it was, it was real, it became reality.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, it was felt. I felt it even. Very, very powerful. Wow. So then the session came to an end.
Nadine Synett:And I was on a complete high. What did that feel like? I felt like I had taken some really powerful drugs.
Rebecca Sigala:Oh my gosh, totally. That's exactly what it feels like.
Nadine Synett:And I always say about myself that I'm not like a happy go lucky person, but I really felt like a happy go lucky person. And obviously there were like, you know, things that annoyed me and whatever, but it just, it wasn't such a big deal anymore. I don't know. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like I would sometimes get into this downward spiral, not with my body necessarily, just with You know, day to day stuff or with something that was bothering me and it would just go down and down and down and it would take me such a long time to go up again. And I just feel like now with this shift within me, I don't go down this spiral anymore. I can get annoyed and then I Okay, but it's not taking over my life somehow, and I know it's somehow not connected, but it is connected, and I don't know how to explain it, but it's, it's done. It's so much more than about
Rebecca Sigala:your body. Yeah, I mean, at least for me, that's. It's totally been part of my healing journey because life always ebbs and flows and there's challenges and there's things that come up, but do you go down a spiral? How long do you stay in that spiral? And I think those are the major differences that I see between my experience of life now than before, where I feel, yeah, I feel like those times that are difficult, they're shorter and I know what to do with them, if that makes sense,
Nadine Synett:because
Rebecca Sigala:that's kind of what you're Explaining.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. And it's interesting because you wouldn't think that you wouldn't think that the change that you feel about yourself would make such a big impact on like literally everything. That's why when I say to you, it's really been life changing for me.
Rebecca Sigala:I see it. I totally see it. And I'm so grateful that you came to me and that you're open to this experience and that you said yes to yourself and you continue to be open. So the experience, like after the boudoir session, you decided to continue on with the new sexy, which is the 12 week program. And do you feel like that was helpful in conjunction with the boudoir experience? Because I think of, you know, after the boudoir session, before you get your images as a time of like really integrating, because you could have a fun experience. And then all of a sudden it goes away. What was that integration process like for you? And did the new sexy help that?
Nadine Synett:Yeah. So I think. Like, if I think back and reflect on it, I think what could have happened is I would have finished the experience, you know, I would have done the boudoir and then I would have been on high and then everything would have just gone back to the way it was. I think that's what I was afraid of. Yeah, somehow I would just. Reverse back into the old self, and I think that with the new sexy and and continuing the program and being around women who also don't want to be in that mindset anymore and and everyone being vulnerable and everyone and just hearing their stories and just being in it together. Just. It continues your journey, you know, it helps. Yeah. Like deepens it. Yeah. Because I think that we, you know, it was a huge shift for me, like a shift from zero to a hundred, but the foundation, you know, of eating disorder and feeling worthless and all that, that, you know, that manifests in you, it takes a longer time to break up sometimes. And I think I was really worried that I would just go back to the foundation of it all. Because in the end, it's years and years and years of, you know,
Rebecca Sigala:conditioning.
Nadine Synett:Yeah.
Rebecca Sigala:Absolutely.
Nadine Synett:So, I think it was really, really good for me to, to continue the journey with it.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, absolutely. And then, and then the pictures, which was pretty recently, like last week or the week before, that was really fun to share them with you for the first time. I just knew you were going to love that. And you said you were nervous. I'm like, you don't have to be nervous, but I totally get it. This is just going to be so amazing. And we got on the call where I revealed the photos to you. And what was that experience like for you to see yourself like that? I think there were like over 120 pictures. We went through them together.
Nadine Synett:I was just like, I was blown away. I was like, wow, I didn't, I didn't realize that the photos would be so powerful for me. I think for me, it was very much about the experience. And then I was like, okay, the photos are like the extra, you know? But then when you look at them, you realize actually how much it's, how much it, it can, like looking at yourself and seeing yourself like that. It's just,
Rebecca Sigala:it's like evidence. Yeah. But this really happened. I'm really hot as hell. I really shifted my mindset. I did all that inner work. I really am confident. It's like you see it.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. And I, and I didn't focus at all on, like, I thought maybe I would look at them and be like, uh, Look at my tummy. But it wasn't like that. I just saw the whole me and I just thought everything looked great. Like I look great. I look, I looked amazing. I thought I looked like I look perfect. That's what I thought. Like,
Rebecca Sigala:That made me tear up when you said that because what do we think of perfect in society, you know, in that moment I literally thought of your whole story in my mind. It was like from having an eating disorder to other things that happened in your life and also going through the traumatic experience with your pregnancy and birth and Just how you felt in that moment About yourself up until then and what you perceived perfect to be what most of society perceives perfect to be and that is a magazine cover photoshopped. No lines, no scars, no stretch marks or cellulite, all these things, you know, and it wasn't that you literally redefined perfection. You redefined beauty and it wasn't because I photoshopped anything or because your body changed in any way that really showed me. how your inner work manifested because you changed the way that you saw yourself. And I think it just sounds so unbelievable to someone who hasn't gone through that. It is unbelievable.
Nadine Synett:But it is. Oh my god. But is this a scam? It's possible, and I feel like, I said this to you, I feel like I want to just tell everyone about it. I would like to go up, I have this urge to go up to anyone who would listen to me, and tell them, it is possible, it is possible not to stay in this mindset. It is possible to see yourself differently. So I'm here to tell everyone it's possible.
Rebecca Sigala:Oh my gosh. I'm so happy. I'm so happy you're here and I'm so happy that this was your experience and it just feels like something that is going to continue to deepen and evolve. I
Nadine Synett:didn't think I would
Rebecca Sigala:like
Nadine Synett:any of the pictures, you know, when you said like, I have to like, I'll pick a certain amount or whatever. I was like, Yeah, yeah, you know, but I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna like, am I really gonna like that? And then I had such difficulties picking my favorite, you know, right. And then you just got the whole gallery. And I went over it and over it again. And I was like, but if I pick this one, then I don't get this one. And I really like, you know, so it was like, I never thought that that's how I would feel about pictures of myself. I don't think a
Rebecca Sigala:lot of women feel like that. Yeah. So many, that's one of the first thoughts I think people have, because even though people understand that it's more of a process than just the photos, I think the first thing you think about is the photo shoot and I'm going to be naked. And what are these pictures going to turn out like? And. It's a huge concern. And I always just want to be like, just trust me. I promise you. And at the same time, you need to be able to go through that process of having the fear and shifting your mindset and not just be like, okay, Rebecca is a good photographer, but actually I'm here to transform my relationship with myself.
Nadine Synett:It takes a lot of courage, I think. And I think people are afraid to, to look inside of them. And Like it's hard. It is. It isn't an easy, an easy journey.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah. I was going to ask you that. Would you say it was difficult? No.
Nadine Synett:Actually it wasn't. I wanted to say that it was, but it wasn't.
Rebecca Sigala:Right. Like the hard part is actually deciding that you're going to do it and maybe sometimes when And committing to it. And committing. Yeah. Committing to it. And sometimes things come up that are a little uncomfortable to face. But the actual work that you're doing. It just feels like it comes naturally.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. I don't think it was like, obviously when you go through certain things, I think you have to grieve a lot through this process and I think that's hard. What exactly is
Rebecca Sigala:the grieving? We just had this conversation. It's so beautiful. Bittersweet.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. It's, it's bittersweet because you're so grateful that you're here. You're finally here.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah.
Nadine Synett:And you've wasted so much of your life. Not being there.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, I feel that. I
Nadine Synett:feel like I would have been a better wife these last 10 years. If I had been there already and, you know, feeling the guilt and the, and the grief around that, but I'm 35, I have
Rebecca Sigala:many, many, many, many more years. Yeah, I know that you've mentioned how it changed so many different parts of your life. And some of the things that I was thinking about was your relationship with your husband and with your kids. And I was curious. You know, before we have to end because I feel like we can talk about this forever, literally forever. But how did it affect that? Like, what do you mean by being a better wife? How does the way you see yourself and the way you see your body affect that?
Nadine Synett:I think for a long time, I thought that if, if he just loves me enough or more, then I will feel differently. And as much as somehow, you know, that it's not like that, you believe that it could maybe happen and it doesn't, and then you're just angry. Like, why don't you love me enough so that I don't feel the way I feel, you know,
Rebecca Sigala:you're searching for that external validation. you actually need in yourself to feel.
Nadine Synett:Yeah. And then once you have that, once you get to that point where you like, I realized it, he could have never done it. He never could have done anything else. It was all me that I needed to change. I needed to change. To love myself, to feel it. And you know, he couldn't have done anything. I think that's a huge burden of him. You know, like there was this burden on him that I expected something from him that wasn't possible
Rebecca Sigala:to make you feel a certain way, to make you feel happy, to make you feel loved. Wow. So then how did it practically change things? Like what's different now? We
Nadine Synett:fight less. Yay! We, I don't know, I feel like we're, we're back again, like in the honeymoon phase of our relationship when everything, we just are all loved up and we just, you know, we're just really like, like two love birds. Like you sent me
Rebecca Sigala:pictures of the date that you guys went on. Yeah.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, we went on a date and as both of us said that we need to do it more often and that, you know, that not just do we need to prioritize ourselves. We need to prioritize our relationship, you know, as much as we're parents, we're also husband and wife. And I think that we completely lost that one with our first son being born just because of the medical issues and everything. So it's made like relationship shifts in us, you know, that we We want to be together. We want to spend time together. We want to make us a priority.
Rebecca Sigala:Yeah, and I think it's a similar thing that we were talking about with the self care thing. It's not just like, Okay, I know we should spend more time together. I know I should take care of myself in this way, but it's really about having that desire and emotional capacity to do it and do it in a way that actually feels good. And you are connected to each other and you feel good about yourself and you feel beautiful. And All of these different parts of it. It's not just knowing what to do and checking things off a list. It's because you changed the way you see yourself that you are able to experience. It's your relationships in your life more fully. It's kind of nuanced. I
Nadine Synett:feel like you need to like, drop the mic there.
Rebecca Sigala:I've been thinking about this a lot specifically today. So that's why, that's why it came up and I'm just like, Oh my God, it's like. My life is, I went on a date this morning with my husband and I was actually thinking about talking about this online, but I'll just talk about it here. That we went out for coffee and a croissant and instead of just going back home quickly or eating quickly at the cafe, I was like, I really want to spend some time in nature. So we went out to this beautiful lookout and it was so nice and so refreshing. And what I was thinking about was. The fact that, you know, 10 years ago, it wouldn't have mattered if I quote unquote carved out time for myself and my husband, because I would have been like, Oh my God, how many calories are in this croissant? And am I sitting a certain way? Like, do I look good? And I need to get back to work because I need to be productive and I'm just being lazy and I need to work out later and like having all of this mind drama and literally just being in the space where I never feel enough. And so wasn't that it was so connecting and rejuvenating and I think that's what we mean when we talk about being able to be in our bodies and being able to be present. It doesn't just come because you want it to or because you put it in your schedule, you have to go through a process of doing the inner work, which is what you did.
Nadine Synett:One doesn't realize it though. Like, when I started this process, I didn't realize that. It would, it would do all of that, you know, it would change so much of everything,
Rebecca Sigala:everything. Okay. Oh my God. This was so good. This is such an amazing conversation. I'm going to have to have you back on after the new sexy ends to hear the continuation of this journey. But lastly, what would you say to someone who maybe, you know, looking at my work and thinking about booking or thinking about going on this journey, but is afraid to take the leap? Do
Nadine Synett:it. You won't regret
Rebecca Sigala:it. Amazing. Yes! Just
Nadine Synett:do it! Just do it! You don't realize right now, how you're going to feel on the other side, but it's a life changing. It's a life changing experience. And, you know, there are no regrets.
Rebecca Sigala:I'm thinking of you telling yourself that, you know, the first call that we had, and I wonder how you would have responded, like if you would have even believed that or really understood what you were saying. And maybe it really just is a little bit of a leap of faith of like, okay, I want to change. I see the places in my life where this is affecting me. And what I've been doing up until now hasn't been working so well. So let's try something different. I think it is a bit of a leap of faith, right? Definitely,
Nadine Synett:but it's worth it. Yeah. You're worth it. I think that's what one has to tell oneself. I am worth this leap of faith. I am worth trying this and, you know, and hoping, and it's this hope that It will change. You know, you have to have this hope. You have to have that little spark in you that, you know, this could be a life changing experience for you, and then you'll realize how it actually is while you're in it.
Rebecca Sigala:Right. And then all you have to do is make that commitment and show up. Right. Amazing. Is there anything else that we didn't talk about? I mean, I'm sure there is, but any last words? Anything that you want people to know?
Nadine Synett:I think, I think that they should trust you. I think that's also, you need the trust in the other person, you know, and I think you can trust you to guide you through this, and you're not alone, and That they should trust
Rebecca Sigala:me or themselves, or both?
Nadine Synett:No, trust you. Oh, me specifically.
Rebecca Sigala:Yes. It's hard to do that.
Nadine Synett:Yeah, because it's very, very personal and vulnerable, and
Rebecca Sigala:Like, who is this, who is this woman that's telling me that I can love my body as it is? I get it. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you, Nadine. Thank you. You're amazing. I'm so happy that we're still on this journey together, and Thank you. This was a wonderful conversation. Of course. My pleasure. Bye. Bye.
Bye.