Intro: Welcome to A Pleasant Solution, Embracing An Organized Life. I'm your host, certified life coach, professional organizer, and home life expert, Amelia Pleasant Kennedy and I help folks permanently eliminate clutter in their homes and lives. On this podcast will go beyond the basics of home organization to talk about why a clutter-free mindset is essential to an aligned and sustainable lifestyle. If you're someone with a to-do list, if you're managing a household and if you're caring for others, this podcast is for you. Let's dive in.
Amelia: Welcome to Episode 72, "Empowered Thinking with Stephanie Hessler." Stephanie Hessler is a High Performance coach. She helps high achieving corporate leaders and business owners who want to rapidly advance in their careers and create a vision others want to follow, but have hit a roadblock. Therefore, she guides them through an intensive coaching program, the BLISS Accelerator, to turn their goals and dreams into reality.
So welcome to the podcast, Stephanie.
Stephanie: Oh, Amelia, thank you so much. I've really been looking forward to this. I'm so honored to be here with you.
Amelia: Yes, so you and I, we actually met through LinkedIn, which just speaks to the power of that platform. We're both Wellesley alums and have settled into an ease of supporting one another through collaboration and conversation. So I'd love for you to just tell folks a little bit about yourself.
Stephanie: Yes. Absolutely. So thank you so much for that introduction, which gives a little background about what I do. And I got here in a very unexpected way. It wasn't like I knew that I wanted to be a coach. But you know the quote from Steve Jobs where he says, you don't necessarily connect the dots looking forward, but you can connect them looking backwards. And so I feel like the work that I do is - absolutely - you know, bringing together all the diverse elements of my background. And this work is so purposeful for me because I really get to touch people's lives as you do. Well, of course, I could continue to grow because this work just pushes me to continue to grow. And like you, I'm a Wellesley College alum, and I also have an MBA from Wharton. Most of my career actually was in the investment business.
Amelia: Big stuff. So I love to start all of these conversations by actually going back before Wharton, before Wellesley to your childhood home, your childhood experience. What did organization look like for you or not look like for you during your younger years?
Stephanie: Oh, that is such a great question. My father actually was an executive with a multinational company. He's originally from Germany. My mother is American. And I grew up in six different countries, mostly in Geneva, Switzerland. So I grew up in, you know, mostly in central Europe with order being a very big part of my life in terms of the external environment. We all know the Swiss - the Swiss train, right, arriving on time.
But as I thought about organization, because of course that's one of your areas of specialization, I thought, you know, what I remember the most about organization and order from childhood was that my mother had a weekly schedule. There were four kids in my family, two girls and two boys. She had a weekly schedule and she posted on the refrigerator where each of us had certain household responsibilities that we had to chip in on. And she was very strict about this. No excuses. You had to show up to wash the lettuce and make the salad, fold laundry, all the other things that she felt were very important parts of growing up, but also having order in the household. So that is probably the most important thing that I remember.
And I would say where I feel it now is that my siblings and I actually, you know, we get along so well. We're all very different. In the last five years, our parents have passed away and we've had a lot of family things we've needed to take care of. And we've all commented that we've been able to do it with such harmony. And I think it's because we grew up getting accustomed to, you know, working together at home.
Amelia: And I will just repeat what I said a few minutes ago, which is that's big stuff, right? The importance of order, the importance of contributing, the importance of a weekly schedule and expectations from parents. And I'm sure that you have taken elements of that and really kind of incorporated that into your routine as you've moved throughout life.
Stephanie: Oh, absolutely. I think it has absolutely served me well because I actually, like there's an old saying you probably are familiar with it. That is "order is heaven's first law." And, you know, if we think about it, this universe is actually very orderly. I mean, think about our solar system. We don't ever have to concern that, be concerned that, you know, something's going to fall out of orbit. Right.
There's an order here, so to speak, and just helping me to understand that I am part of this intelligence. I think where I had to really work with it was not being overly rigid, right? That we can have order and be playful, be light. You know, it doesn't have to be this grind that really combines those two elements. But, absolutely, I'm very grateful for that discipline that I learned at a young age.
Amelia: And I appreciate you sharing that because I have an older podcast episode on the importance of predictability and how we often take it for granted that - we - our brain likes to know what is next. It finds comfort in that order or that routine. And I get that sometimes we resist it, but really, it often works to our advantage. And as a recovering perfectionist, I get the need for lightness and ease. And I was recently on a retreat for 20 female founders. And one of the activities we kicked off with was goal setting.
So to move into the work, conversation, which I know you excel at helping leaders with, right? Goal setting, I feel like is a little bit of a parallel to this idea of order and predictability, right? We're setting something out there that we want to attain, and we're trying to figure out the how, and it's not always easy.
Stephanie: Yes.
Amelia: So before we dive into why it's important to have clarity around goals and results, whether that's in the home or in the workplace, let's talk a little bit about what you have witnessed in terms of women in particular, getting stuck in the muck of not knowing exactly what they want and maybe not even being able to express fully what they want in terms of next goals, that vision ahead.
Stephanie: Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. That is such a great question. And I do work with a lot of women, high achieving women who've achieved a certain level of success, but then they often get stuck. And that's when they will come to me. And by the way, that happened to me too. And there are a lot of different things that can contribute to that. One of them is that we might unconsciously be living somebody else's goals, right?
And then there's that inner resistance. I truly believe that we're all hardwired for something special. And if you're not really listening to that inner voice, you're going to feel it's going to show up in your life, right? It's going to show up in some way. So that resistance is our subconscious mental programming, right? We have a multitude of habits.
So as I shared with you about the discipline that I had growing up, which served me very well, there was a focus on external achievement. I think where I had some of that, those difficulties, getting clarity around my own goals, was in terms of really doing that inner work of looking at my mental landscape because there was a lot of order in my external life. But if I was really honest, there wasn't a lot of order in my internal life, right? And that, like in my case, as I see this in my clients, that's when we start to hit these challenges. You know, you got passed over for the promotion.
Amelia: Yes.
Stephanie: You're not respected at the level of leadership you want. You're not earning at the level of compensation, maybe.
Amelia: And that can lead to what I like to call a lot of mental clutter.
Stephanie: Exactly. That's exactly what it is. Yes. That's exactly what it is.
Amelia: So, so goals and clarity, getting through the noise. Do you encourage people to kind of tap into their inner wisdom? Like what's going on there in your work?
Stephanie: Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yes. Yep. Yes. So first of all, I just remind them how important it is to have goals. And people, of course, are always at different places in terms of being able to tap into that inner wisdom. Some people are listening to that inner wisdom. Others are really out of touch. But there's a quote that I've edited slightly inspired by the British writer Thomas Carlyle, and he says, again, slightly edited, "a person without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder." So if we think of a ship without a rudder, it could be out on thousands of miles of coastline going up and down, maybe back out at sea, storms, and never ending up anywhere. It's a drift, right?
And so I use that image because you have to have direction. And what I ask my clients to do is allow themselves to dream. And for some people, this is very novel, right? Because you have to turn off that, as we know from going to Wellesley College, that educated, super analytical mind, turn that off and allow themselves to really
What would they love? And I asked them to make two lists, one personal, one professional, of 30 things that they would love to do. And sometimes...
Amelia: That is really a stretch, right? You're really getting people to stretch there.
Stephanie: For some people coming up with five is an accomplishment. And it's not about the number. It's really, like you're saying, it's a stretch. Yeah, it's the thinking into possibility. It's allowing yourself to tap into that creative side of your mind.
Amelia: Yes, and so we're opening up to possibility, we're dreaming, and then how does that kind of align with the identifying of a particular goal?
Stephanie: Yeah, yeah. So that exercise that I just shared with you sort of opens them up, right? And again, there's, you know, people are different, people are at different places in their emotional and life journey. But the purpose of this exercise is to help them to narrow down from these two lists of all the things they can think of that they want. What do they want more than anything? And, a real goal should be something that you really, really want. It comes from inside of you. It lights a fire in your belly. And you've never done it before. Because if you know how to do it, it's not going to do what a goal is supposed to make you do, which is to grow. Right. So that's the process. That I use, and then they have to write it. Go ahead.
Amelia: I absolutely adore that because one of the central questions I encourage everyone to think of, especially women, because earlier you were talking about seeking external validation and we're not often tapping that inner wisdom. I love the question, "What do I want?" And separating it into that personal versus professional is even more. Yeah, I love it.
Stephanie: Right.
Yes, yes, yes. And then what I do is I have them write their goals on the little goal card. And one of my favorite personal growth teachers taught me this. So I always have my goals now on a goal card. I have a quarterly goal card and then the longer term goals. And I encourage my clients to read this every single day. Have it somewhere nearby because if we are not implanting that message into ourselves, that old mental programming, that resistance, it's just going to pop up, right? And we're going to go into the trivia of our daily lives.
Amelia: Yes, so let's definitely head in that direction because it is a lot of what I witness as a mindset coach as well. And I think people kind of get a little bit, they're not 100 % sure what a mindset coach does, but it's always great to just have an external person, you know, within, not in a space of, judgment kind of help you see your internal obstacles or things that are in your way, which are often the habitual thought patterns and limiting beliefs. So Define for me a little bit like how you see habitual thought patterns, what limiting beliefs are and how they truly show up as obstacles for all of us, coaches included.
Stephanie: Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yes.
Yes, yes, yes. So Amelia, you may have had the same experience that I did, which is that realizing that the mind is the most important part of us that hardly anybody teaches us about, right? And that we have our conscious mind and we have the subconscious mind. Of course, the mind is more complex than that, but for simplicity, that's really plenty to start with.
And at the level of the subconscious mind, we have these, you know, multitudes of habits, of beliefs, of fixed ideas, and anything that is habitual, we're not consciously thinking about it. We just go into autopilot. And something that I learned that just was such a wake -up call to me is that over 90 % of our behavior is subconscious. So that means that autopilot programming runs so deep. And then within that mental programming, we have these limiting beliefs, these just falsehoods that we picked up, particularly under the age of seven, when we'd have as children in our brainwave development, we haven't developed conscious filters. So whatever we pick up from our external environment becomes our truth.
And until somebody starts working with a mindset coach like you or me, they may not have ever considered whether there was real validity to some of those voices that are in the background.
Amelia: This is brilliant because so many folks who come to me struggle with these internal voices thinking they are disorganized or unproductive. And it's messages that they've received over time about, you know, their particular behaviors or ways of moving throughout their day, but really at the core of it, most people just are never taught how to be organized or how to be productive.
And I love the idea of questioning the validity and saying like, is this even really true? Or was just someone sharing their opinion of me?
Stephanie: Great. Mm -hmm.
Amelia: And maybe there's a skills gap there, maybe there's some things that I can learn, but for you as an executive leader mindset coach, what are some of the most common limiting beliefs that your clients come with?
Stephanie: Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Yeah, well, it's, I mean, it's sometimes really surprising because these are individuals who already are earning a really good six figure compensation, right? They might already have a net worth of over a million dollars, but there's still some of that lingering limiting beliefs, especially around scarcity, around not being good enough, around not having what it takes to succeed at the next level. You know, and that can become it. Then the word that I hear over and over and over again when I first get to know someone is the word struggle. I hear that word so often, and one of the things I say is, OK, first thing we have to do is we have to look at that word and start to reframe things.
Right? So in the first month that my clients typically start working with me, I am there with them, literally dissecting their thoughts and going, okay, that is a limiting belief. We've got to take that and reframe it. There's so much of that.
Amelia: So listeners, even if you are not in that six figure earning category and you are an unpaid working parent at home, just notice that the same limiting beliefs can happen either way. We are all internally struggling in some sort of way and thinking that we might not be good enough or have enough skills or practice or support or help to reach what we want to do next.
So let's talk now about techniques that you might use with your clients to do that reframing, to shift into empowered thinking in a more disciplined or systematic way. Because I think no matter our role, right, we're struggling in one way or another thinking that we could or should be doing more.
Stephanie: Yes. Yeah, that's a really great question. And, you know, the journey that I take my clients through typically is six months or 12 months for the simple reason that, you know, that mental programming is so ingrained. For some people, it's been decades playing in the background, right? But I would say there are three key techniques here. Big picture.
So number one is getting that clarity around what it is that you want. And sometimes there are people who are like, well, I don't know what I want. And I mean, I love working with people whether they know what they want or don't know what they want. But in those cases, then we sort of set a short -term goal that you're going to allow yourself the exploration of what you would love.
Right? So that's number one. Yep. Getting that clarity. And then, like I said, I have them, you know, write out what their life could be like in the future. So the future self is a big part of the work that we do together. You know, there's another Steve Jobs quote. He says, "When you're going after a vision that you really care about,
Amelia: You're speaking my love language.
Stephanie: You don't have to be pushed, the vision pulls you." And that's why the love affair, falling in love with your goal is so important because just like when we're in love with a person or we love our child, we will do whatever we have to to make them, help them succeed, right? And the same with our goals.
We have to be in love with our goals to get through those challenging times, to get through the roadblocks and the things that are going to come up in life. So clarity is the number one technique. The number two technique is it is essential to have a daily mindset practice. So we just talked about the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. The thing about the subconscious mind is that it can't distinguish between what's real, and what's imagined? Athletes know this. Well, one of your kids is an athlete, right? Yeah.
Amelia: Yes, yes, and he has a tremendous mindset. When I talk to him, I'm always impressed at how he is able to see the possibility.
Stephanie: And because a lot of good, you know, where we got, I think the word coach initially came from athletics, right? Because really great coaches know that they've got to help their mentees, so to speak, to imprint those images of what they want in their subconscious mind. Because this is where we're working with how the mind works, as opposed to unconsciously the mind working against it, against us.
So the daily mindset practice is important not only for bringing order to our minds. And what I recommend to my clients is do not check your phone. Do not read the news. Go someplace to a quiet place, even if it's only 10, 15 minutes. Quiet yourself down, connect to your higher self through prayer or meditation. Visualize your goals achieved for a few minutes as well, especially with that future self in mind, who you've got to become in order to achieve what it is that you want to be the best version of yourself. And then the third part of this is managing your calendar. It's a, you know, it's a tactical tool to really help you then to stay focused and not distracted by all the daily trivia that's gonna come along.
Amelia: Listeners, you can just hear why I love Stephanie so much. You are just, you're really speaking to and a bit of how I guide clients as well. And you're kind of putting into words for me personally, some of those steps because let's go with the daily mindset practice. We can come up with so many reasons why we don't have those 10 or 15 minutes to do this work.
Stephanie: Mm -hmm.
Amelia: But when we talk about the compounding effect of opening your mind to the possibility and then actively investing in why it's absolutely possible, you may not know the how each and every day when you're doing that daily mindset practice, but just saying, I can envision reaching the destination, the goal, and I'm figuring it out. And the managing of the calendar, right?
That is the practical tool of saying, okay, I'm going to spend some time working on a project that's gonna move me forward, talking to my partner about how to better balance the chore load within the home, right? Whatever it might be that will actually get the moving forward rolling, right?
Stephanie: That's right.
Exactly. Yes, yes. Yes, we do speak the same language, Amelia. Often when I'm listening to your podcasts or seeing you on Instagram, I'm thinking to myself, oh my goodness, there's so many similarities in the work that we do.
Amelia: Yes. So as we wrap up today, is there anything else you would like to share with the audience about BLISS Accelerator or common things that you recognize in clients and leaders and mindset work?
Stephanie: Mm -hmm.
Yes, yes. I would say, you know, and this might be mental programming for some people, especially for women, is that thinking that you've got to maybe figure it out on your own or being, maybe not wanting to ask for help. And what I find is that people often come to me when they really have hit a tough point. And I would say, which of course I'm grateful for, for my clients and when they come to me.
But what I would encourage your listeners is don't wait that long. If you know you need help, you know, unlike animals that have instinct, we have to figure out, we have to learn. We are not necessarily raised with or learn leadership and career management, even how to live in harmony and a marriage and families, right? We need to learn. And in today's world, there are so many great resources. So I want to encourage people, don't wait, ask for help. Get help.
Amelia: Thank you for saying that because I think that that really is probably the first internal obstacle, right? That's that first mindset block that we have to address thinking that we should be able to figure it out on our own.
Stephanie: Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yes.
Right, right, exactly.
Amelia: Amazing. So Stephanie, what is one way, it could be a creative way that you employ organization, whatever that means for you as an adult?
Stephanie: Yes, so this sounds so simple, almost hokey, but I learned this from one of my personal growth teachers and I teach this to my clients as well. And that is every evening, prepare my day tomorrow the evening before.
And it includes not only my to -do list, but also six goal achieving actions that are specifically aligned with my goals. And they should be very specific, something that you can drop in your calendar and actually get done the next day. And what I find is that this is a life changer in terms of moving forward and productivity. And it's a habit, right? It's just a habit that we have to create.
Amelia: And it resonates with me because I think that one reason I manage time so very well is that my calendar is my anchor. And at the end of the day, I'm reviewing what's for the day ahead and I'm consciously giving everything that I want to do or intend to do a time slot.
Stephanie: Mm -hmm.
Amelia: So I can see if I even have enough time to get through those particular goals for the day or whether I'm overestimating how much I can actually get done. So it is a practice of setting yourself up for success almost. I love just such a simple tool of preparing for the day ahead - the night before.
Stephanie: Yeah. And you know, you use the word tool and I think it's important for people to remember that it's a tool. You're in charge. The calendar doesn't run you. You are the one who's ultimately in charge, right? And not the other way around. We don't want to think of our calendar as this oppressive system. That is not the point of this. It's a tool.
Amelia: Oh, well, it was such a pleasure chatting with you. I would love, yeah, I would love for you to share how folks can connect with you, read your blog, access your classes, and I believe you also have an online community as well.
Stephanie: Thank you, Amelia. Yes.
Yes, I have an open Facebook group called Success Mindset Series with Stephanie Hessler. Anyone who would like to join, you've been a guest there. I'd love to have you a guest again in 2024. Also my website, if they go to StephanieHessler .com in the About section, there are different free resources that your listeners can tap into. And then I'm probably most active on LinkedIn.
So for your audience who are on LinkedIn and want to connect, please, please do reach out to me.
Amelia: It brings it full circle because that's where we first met.
Stephanie: Yes, that's right. Yes, yeah. And Amelia, I also want to acknowledge also the amazing work that you are doing. It takes so much discipline and, you know, mental discipline and self -control and big, bold, beautiful goals. You're so visible out there and doing such impressive work. I want to acknowledge what you're doing.
Amelia: I receive your words. Thank you. And I, even just talking with you, I feel like we complement one another so well because the work that I do is aligned with the work you do. I do it within the home and you do it within the workplace.
Stephanie: Oh, yes. Yes, yeah, but mental clutter is everywhere and clutter and we're each on a mission, right, to help people. Yes. Oh, thank you, Amelia. Bye for now.
Amelia: Thank you so much, Stephanie.
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