Intro: Welcome to A Pleasant Solution, Embracing An Organized Life. I'm your host, certified life coach, professional organizer and home life expert, Amelia Pleasant Kennedy and I help folks permanently eliminate clutter in their homes and lives. On this podcast we'll go beyond the basics of home organization to talk about why a clutter-free mindset is essential to an aligned and sustainable lifestyle. If you're someone with a to-do list, if you're managing a household and if you're caring for others, this podcast is for you. Let's dive in.
Amelia: Welcome to Episode 76, “Organization Can Mask Your Mental Load.” Hey y’all! Before we dive in today, I’d love to share podcast reviews that didn’t appear on my main page of Apple Podcasts but were submitted via listeners in the UK and Canada. I’m not 100% sure of how the algorithms work, but I do get notified via Chartable if you leave a review outside of the US. Podcasting is often a one-way medium, hosts put content out into the universe and… I’m always grateful for any words listeners share back with me. Keep them coming whether you’re US-based or listening worldwide.
TLI10 from Canada writes, “There is something about Amelia’s tone and energy that has me not missing an episode. She tackles tricky subjects with warmth and compassion, and I always feel understood. This pod is fantastic for organizing tips but goes well beyond our physical space to help sort through the mental and emotional clutter of life as well.” Y’all! Lilliputflossy from Great Britain writes, “I love Amelia’s style and wisdom. Having found her podcast recently I am now binge listening to the backlog to catch up. I have already dealt with the practical aspects of decluttering [my] wardrobe, now [I’m] tackling the harder aspect of what I spend my time doing and trying to create more space for what I want to do. Fantastic resource.” Wow. Just wow. Your words are as meaningful to me as mine may be to you. My heart is full.
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Alright. So, I’ve been thinking about how to structure and frame today’s topic for a few months. I’m simply going to share a few thoughts – hopefully in a way that makes sense – because if I wait until I’ve fully fleshed out what I want to say, it may never happen. I’ve mentioned in past episodes that I’m a recovering perfectionist, so it’s important for me to model what I help and support others with, in particular around navigating perfectionist tendencies. In this case, getting started, sharing, forming this idea by talking it through with you is an example of not getting caught up in needing something to be perfect before getting it out into the world. It’s uncomfortable, and I’ll be okay.
So, in today’s episode, I’m going to bring together two topics - the mental load and organization – and I’m going to connect them in an atypical manner. I’m going to challenge the standard narrative a bit, and I’ll be addressing those folks who consider themselves organized, highly productive, or those striving to become more efficient. For those of you who consider yourselves type-A, slightly controlling, or perfectionists, this may hit home a bit closer. Even if you don’t fall into this classification or self-identify in this way, my hope is you’ll find my perspective thought-provoking.
First, let me define what I mean by your mental load. The mental load has a variety of names: invisible work, invisible load, or, as I often refer to it as… mental clutter. Simply put, it’s the information that’s occupying space in your working memory. It’s the set of things or ideas running through your head on a daily basis. My clients often describe their mental load as “all the open tabs in my brain.” It’s your never-ending to-do list. Sometimes it’s a quiet hum or buzz, and sometimes it shouts loudly, gives us a headache, and it always leaves us exhausted at the end of the day. Now, notice I’m saying “us.” We all have a mental load. No one is really exempt from it.
And that point forms the basis of today’s conversation. Let me repeat. No one is really exempt from having a mental load. I’m not. You’re not. Even if you have a ton of hands-on or virtual support in your home or business, you still have a mental load. It’s the project management software in our brain that predicts what’s ahead and what needs to be done, whether we’re the ones to do it or not. Getting a better handle on one’s mental clutter is one reason folks hire me. Oftentimes it’s a multi-step process of decluttering what’s not needed, deciding what is needed and valued, organizing this information, then learning how to shift your internal dialogue to be more kind to yourself. This is all internal work. It’s quite valuable because it helps you reorient your internal approach to the day to day, and it’s a long-lasting skill.
That being said, the more that I do this work, I see both ends of the spectrum. Yes, I consider myself organized, and a huge part of that sense of organization is a clutter-free mindset. I’ve employed tools and systems to help organize my mental load (in addition to my physical space). This is what you may see from the outside. My life has lots of moving parts. I use these tools and systems, along with self-coaching, to stay on top of the details and do a solid job navigating the bumpiness of it all.
Now, what I mean by seeing both ends of the spectrum is that I know a lot of professional organizers and folks who consider themselves organized, like me. Some are perfectionists, some are not. One common thread for organized folks is that we’ve gotten really practiced at – really good at – organizing their mental load. We use to-do lists in a purposeful way. We dump what’s in our brain out onto paper or into a task management app on a regular basis. We’re great at scheduling what we need to do when. We use decision making filters or sets of questions to act as guidelines about what works for their home, their lives, their schedules. Essentially, we’ve figured out how to optimize our time, energy, and brain space in a way that seems super productive. Lastly, we’re often looping back to, checking in, and revising systems that are outdated or have become less efficient than originally intended.
It's a skill we’ve developed - brilliant. And, based on my own experience, I think it acts as a cloak. What I mean by that is that organization acts as a disguise for our mental load. I think it’s another segment of our deeply wired, patriarchal programming that leads those of us who are type-A, perfectionist-leaning, productive folks to overwork. I see it in my industry, and I want to name it. It leads those of us who are organized and productive to overwork because we fall into the trap of thinking we’re “on top of things,” and that “we have room for one more task or client,” or “can optimize this one thing just a little better.” Then we beat ourselves up when we can’t. It’s a trap. And where’s the end? There is none. The to-do list is – by nature – a bottomless bucket. Sure, becoming more organized is helpful, but at what cost? The cost is often sneaky. The cost is our mental well-being… again on the other end of the spectrum.
Because nearly everything in life is on a continuum, I’ve noticed that there’s a segment of folks for whom becoming more organized, more confident in their decision making, prioritization, boundary setting, time usage would be beneficial. For this group (if this is you), imagine a toy chest that is full of all sorts of toys: tiny cars and building blocks, giant toy dinosaurs, magnets, doll house furniture, and half-used art kits. Plus, there’s another kid there, just adding more and more toys, every single day. There’s lots in the toy chest, but it’s hard to play with because it’s all jumbled together. There’s a level of stress associated with not being able to keep track of everything, knowing if you have all the parts and information, and if there ever was a set of directions on how to do the thing. That’s your mental load, and a bit of decluttering and organizing (and boundary setting) would help decrease your stress and help you optimize how you navigate your days.
At the other end of the spectrum is a segment of folks who have the exact same toy chest. In their chest, everything is organized. It’s color coded. It’s contained. It’s labeled. All the directions and parts are definitely there. AND there’s another kid there adding more and more toys, every single day. Yet, in this instance, if this is you, you’re saying to the kid, “Just a minute. Let me see where that goes. Oh, there’s space for it here. Let me check it, color code it, contain it, and label it. See! It will fit right here.” There’s no less in this toy chest – perhaps there’s even a bit more because the space has been “optimized,” and there’s no time or room to play with any of the toys because that would mess up the system. It’s good right now. If we pull something out to play with it, will it fit back in? It may be better to just look at how pretty and organized it is and be confident it’s getting all done. That’s the other mental load, the one that’s masked by organization. It’s equally stressful because it’s all dependent on keeping everything running so very efficiently, that the moment one bump in life (or more) comes along, you can feel utterly crushed and overwhelmed.
Maybe this is obvious to all y’all, but I don’t really hear it being discussed or questioned. High levels of organization and productivity – these don’t prevent or eliminate the mental load. They simply keep it contained and accessible. Yet, more and more, I’m speaking with pro-organizers and other organized individuals who are willing to acknowledge how tough it is to be an entrepreneur selling a clutter-free lifestyle on the outside, yet they still feel the weight of the clutter on the inside. I can identify with this and understand because this is how I felt before I discovered mindset work. I wondered how I could create all these systems, be so organized and productive, and still feel overwhelmed, stressed, and like there were always a million and one things to be done. Now I can see it more clearly: the mental load was always there. I was just using organizing and productivity to mask its impact. I had improved habits and skills, yet I was squeezing more and more into the toy box. I was in the cycle of believing that I had more time than I actually did, and that there was always a way to become more efficient and effective. In turn, the masked mental load also leads to overworking and potential burnout of a different kind.
Hopefully I’ve put a few words to something that sounds familiar or relatable, and if so, please reach out and share your experience with me. I’d love to hear it. So, of course, you’re wondering, “Great! Now what?” As I mentioned, I spent some time recognizing this in myself first. Coaching 101 says that we’re always our best, first client – meaning looking within and creating self-awareness – leads to vulnerability and connection.
A handful of years ago I stopped trying to hold it all together. I leave very little in my working memory now. I dump so much out and have built systems to catch my ideas so that I can retrieve them when needed. I also trust that I’ll record what’s essential, and if anything gets lost or missed, nothing devastating will happen. I like Trello as an online platform for managing information and dates over the long term. I also use the basic notes app on my iPhone, scan and digitize lots of things, then set aside time to organize the information from there. If this in and of itself sounds overwhelming, I encourage you to take a listen to Episode 48, “From This Day Forward” and take a deep breath knowing that starting today is always an option. So, I describe my mental load as “clutter-free” because I give myself permission not to carry much in my brain and instead, rely on my systems. This is the first tip.
The second tip is to learn your inner signals for feeling cluttered. I describe my mental load as “clutter-free,” but that doesn’t mean I’m never cluttered. Our brains can be like the kitchen drain – running smoothly with the disposal blades chopping everything up – or they can get clogged slowly or suddenly. Again, being organized just masks this fact. We’re all human, and my brain gets cluttered. I’ve learned to listen closely to my body for signals of stress. It could be lethargy. It could be a racing mind or pulse. It could be constipation or an upset stomach. It could be shallow breathing. Or, it could be holding so many things in my brain that I hear the “don’t forget” voice too frequently or that soundtrack of “I’m afraid I’m going to forget…” Discover your signals. Search for them. Trust your inner wisdom. You’re more organized than you think. And for those of you who are super organized, this may be more of a challenge, as you may be used to really quieting these inner signals down. For you there may be a different inner voice that says, “I can handle this” or some version of “I’ll just find some time.” For me, it sounds like, “it always gets done.” Ooof. It sounds harmless, yet it’s another way to say that I’ll do more, be more productive, and lean on my organization tools rather than perhaps say no or limit my efforts.
Another signal of mine is that constant looping back or checking in to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything. I notice myself checking the tools mentioned above – Trello, notes, my calendar – because I’m afraid I’ll let something slip. This is another secret inner signal that I might be masking that I’m at capacity and need to increase my boundaries for the short term. I solve for feeling cluttered by saying no more often, actively blocking off time in my calendar to be unavailable, or more proactively using my decision filters to eliminate excess from my mental load and to-do list. I’m not going to get to it, and that’s okay. I’m not going to knock it down further on the list and secretly beat myself up or tell myself that when I get time, I’ll do it… I’m just going to give it the ax. It can earn a slot in my brain, my life, my business at another time. But not today.
You have to be able to see your own inner obstacles in order to address them. It’s always okay not to be ready to address them. It’s always okay to consciously decide that you like things the way they are. Having your mental load masked by organization and productivity isn’t a problem unless you find that you’re overworking and exhausted from managing it all. For me, I didn’t want perfectionism to keep me stuck – to keep me from sharing my voice. So, thanks for listening today. I know this episode wasn’t perfect, and, despite that, I know it was helpful. That’s the space in the middle I hope more and more to inhabit. You’re more than welcome to join me. Be well and talk to y’all soon.
Outro: If you're new to the Fair Play Method and want to learn more, head to the show notes to grab your own set of printable cards and activity guide. Be sure to send me a DM on Instagram at A Pleasant Solution with your questions.
