Intro: Welcome to A Pleasant Solution, Embracing An Organized Life. I'm your host, certified life coach, professional organizer, and home life expert, Amelia Pleasant Kennedy and I help folks permanently eliminate clutter in their homes and lives. On this podcast will go beyond the basics of home organization to talk about why a clutter-free mindset is essential to an aligned and sustainable lifestyle. If you're someone with a to-do list, if you're managing a household and if you're caring for others, this podcast is for you. Let's dive in.
Amelia: Welcome to Episode 83, "Learning to Superabound your Life and Business with Erin Aquin and Steve Haase.” Erin Aquin and Steve Haase are the co-founders of Superabound, a coaching company that helps business owners and leaders create a life and business that aligns with their unique vision.
They are both Master Certified life coaches and co authors of the new book, Superabound: How to Live the Life the Universe is Dreaming for You. Erin is the author of three other books and a Deep Dive Coach who brings humor, curiosity and magic to her work with clients. Steve is a former tech executive, and a musician, having led teams at high growth companies such as Shopify and HubSpot and performed for US Presidents Clinton and Bush. They live in southern Ontario with their two young children and enjoy traveling, board games and meditation.
Amelia: So welcome to the podcast, Erin and Steve.
Steve: Thank you so much. It's really fun to be here with you, suddenly separated by the digital divide after having spent time together in person.
Amelia: Yes, yes. So you and I, we all kind of met through our shared coaching community. And just like you said, Steve, recently we've taken walks together. I've had the pleasure of meeting your kids and I've participated in your programs. You guys have both coached me using compassion, curiosity and kindness. And I was just there recently to celebrate the launch of your most recent book with both of you.
So yeah, just tell folks a little bit about yourselves.
Steve: We always look at each other. Who's going to go first? Usually, or we just both jump in. Yeah, so we are both master certified coaches and co-founders of Superabound. As you mentioned, we launched our new book, which is all about how to… it basically says that if you have a big dream in your heart, something that matters deeply to you, that it is worth pursuing because you are worth your own energy and self -love.
Amelia: So good, so good.
Well then that means, Erin, you get to answer, perhaps, start off with my first question I ask all of my guests, which is, what did organization look like or not look like for you during your childhood?
Erin: So I will say I just recently found out that organization is not one of my natural strengths. I did a Colby test with a program I was in. looking at my scores, I was like, this made a lot of sense. When I was a kid, I was that kid who had like 10 million stuffed animals, a room piled high with just like every toy. I was a baby hoarder, I would say. Like I really had a hard time parting with my things. So I was not that organized.
And in my household, my dad actually was home with me for many years. So he was the person I saw doing most of the cleaning and the cooking. So I definitely picked up tools from him over the years, but organization when I was a kid was like chaos. When it was time to clean my room, I was the kid in my room dancing to musical theater songs and like not getting anything done.
Amelia: I absolutely love that you shared that because the connection that I make is that my youngest daughter would call it being a maximalist in her room, right? So she has all of the animals and yeah, she sees us doing all of the household chores. She knows what to do, but she'd rather be dancing to musical theater.
Erin: Yes, I relate to her.
Amelia: Anything you'd like to share, Steve?
Steve: Honestly, I think it's pretty similar, which is, which is why we have these moments of what shall we do with all this stuff in our house? Because no one is like processing it as part of their, you know, self care routine. It's more of a, my God, what are we supposed to do? And so, yeah, I appreciate learning all the things from you in terms of, self trust and decisions and the wonderful things that you teach.
Amelia: Amazing, amazing.
Well, let's turn to your new book, Superabound, which if you're watching the video, folks can see a picture of the cover, which is beautiful as a mountain with these lanterns lit heading up it. So Superabound: How to Live the Life the Universe is Dreaming for You. We’re living in a culture kind of steeped in goals, high productivity and the potential for burnout. Post pandemic, especially folks are deeply exhausted.
And I love how this book focuses more on understanding yourself and encourages readers to adopt the approach of having lanterns. So what are lanterns and why do they matter? And as we kind of unfold, I might share my most recent lantern.
Erin: So good. I mean, a really easy way to think about it is a lantern is a vision aligned goal. So I think the distinction that we've really tried to make in the book is that many of us chose our goals based on things that matter to other people, expectations maybe our families have for us or our culture or you know, the other people who are important in our lives, but they're not always so aligned with what it is that you personally might want. And I don't think many of us were actually offered the time and the space to really ask that question.
So a lantern just sort of is a way of thinking about diffusing maybe some of the baggage that goes along with goals. I think goals are great in soccer. But as a thing to work for, that word has a lot of energy behind it that many people, myself included, don't really align with.
Steve: And what's really powerful with the idea of lanterns is that it helps you awaken to the fact that there is a spark within you. There is something that is guiding you specifically based on all your cultural influences, but it is free in its own way from those cultural expectations and norms. And so it's really a moment to question what is it that matters most to me and why versus what is it that my culture is telling me I should want? And do I actually want it?
Amelia: Yes, I mean, I will offer there's so much sort of unlearning that can take place as we move into adulthood and manage our own homes and enter the workplace. I like to invite listeners and folks in my community to really always ask themselves, “What do I want?” And that's such a challenging question at the beginning for most people.
And I love this idea of kind of saying that a lantern is possible. It's out there for you to light and that you start by kind of checking in with yourself and where you are in this kind of season of life and can, you know, think about deeply what is next for you. So, I had the pleasure of joining you for a retreat recently and listeners will know from the past few episodes I've been talking about returning to the basics of everyday life and being unavailable. So my personal lantern right now is actually to scale back.
So for folks listening, it's operating at that 75% capacity for me because I think I've been at 100% or more. So I love this idea because it feels good to check in and align that with my future vision. And you both are excellent at helping people identify their vision and those lanterns.
Erin: Yeah, and I think, you know, I was thinking about your lantern specifically last night. I think about you a lot. You know, you're such an inspiration to so many people because you really do make the world work for you. And I think that's hard, especially for parents. I think sometimes we don't instinctively, like, put ourselves on the priority list.
And even the 75% scaling to that place, it actually represents a really important feature of a lantern, which is you can hike to that next lantern on the mountain. But if you don't have any internal flame left to give, there's nothing to light it with. So the tending of your own inner flame is such an important part of that because we need it to do that last thing, which is actually light the lantern or achieve that vision aligned goal.
Amelia: Yes, and we will talk about kind of the importance of tending the inner fire here in a moment because it is really, it kind of concludes the book, but is really an essential idea that's woven throughout. And I just want to share that you both have done an excellent job of making every concept in the book relatable, simple, and accessible.
Steve: You should have been there for the editing process where she was like, “I don't get it. This doesn't make sense. No, we need to change it.” They're like, “But these are my words. Please don't change it.” But in the end, I was like, “My God, thank you. Thank you for being reader obsessed.” And she was like, “It needs to be simple. It needs to be strong. It needs to be focused.” And we got there through the pain of cutting and going deeper with the ideas.
Amelia: Thank you for sharing that because it really does come through. And of course, my brain immediately right there made that connection to like editing your home and editing your life and how having less or doing less and focusing on being something I'm always working on can make life so much more simple. And yes, yes. So I can imagine the editing process.
Erin: I decluttered our book. Yes, serious decluttering. Book edit.
Amelia: So good. Well, what I took away is that the Superabound tools are holistic, and they're for everyone. So whether you are at home working parents or work outside of the home, these are really about your entire life and work.
And listeners are familiar with me talking about mental clutter, which is very similar to your concept of static, which is one of the elements of the progress formula, another key topic in the book. So I would love for you to kind of break down for us this idea of the progress formula and share how it's relevant both to life and work.
Erin: Well, I'm going to give this one to Steve because actually he put these pieces together as I'm the mean one who cut everything off to contribute something.
Amelia: I saw the mention of logic and I was like, that's Steve.
Erin: It's Steve. It was. You got it.
Steve: So with the progress formula, I was just thinking, you know, I was, was, contemplating vision and what a powerful force it is to have in your life, this idea that you want to go somewhere that you want to have a particular impact that something is possible. That's not here yet, or that's here to some degree, but you want a greater expression of that want or super abundance, you want a super abundance of whatever that is.
So this idea that our thoughts, our projection of the future, our belief in ourselves, our belief in what's possible is this animating force. And so that goes under the bucket of vision. And if all it took was vision, then, know, poof, we're all there. But there is the real world and that's where our vision meets the stuff of life, the stuff of work, and that stuff we can categorize as challenges. Those are the physical tasks that need to be done, but they're also the decisions we need to make. They are usually outside of us. have some kind of, you know, we have agency over them. can work with those things. And if all there was was vision and challenges, we're just like, okay, here's where I wanna go. I'm gonna go there and then get the job done.
But as human beings, we have this squishy middle part called ourselves. And ourselves are made up of all kinds of conditioning, all kinds of thoughts, our family history, our cultural trajectory, all of those things make up us. And that is the lens that we use. That's the mechanism that does the things. And sometimes we get in our own way. And you know, getting our own way sounds kind of harsh and judgmental.
So we actually make a kinder approach to that. And we say, look, everything about you makes sense. Even the things that you think are tripping you up or self-sabotage or getting in your own way. There is wisdom in that too, but it does need to be handled. Otherwise you're not going to, you know, throw the thing in the garbage. You're not going to donate it. You're not going to take the action that needs to be taken because of this static. And so that was our contribution there in terms of how to handle these challenging thoughts and emotions that make things harder than they need to be.
Erin: Yeah. One way I sometimes will explain it to people as well is that in an old school radio dial between two clear frequencies where the station's coming through, the music is great, there is this period of static, or in between. And it's a totally natural thing. We're not here to eliminate all static from our human lives. We actually have to go through those periods to find the next clear frequency. So static is just something we're all dealing with. We have internal clutter. And it totally makes sense why it's there. But we just want to make sure that we're moving through it and with it in a way that doesn't have us stall out and stay there forever and just give up and never find the next frequency that we want to be in.
Amelia: Yeah, for me, I describe it as those inner messages. And of course, naturally, we want to lean towards all the positive joyful ones. But that static is necessary. It's communicating something to us. So I love how you both talk about healing and acceptance and awareness and just understanding that there's something there that we can use self-compassion to explore.
Steve: Yeah. And when you do that, it actually gives you the space. Earlier you mentioned being. There is a powerful dimension of being that opens up because you are literally being with yourself. And so many of the problems that we see in our life are an unwillingness to be with those uncomfortable feelings, with those, you know, conflicting experiences we have, but that being can kind of melt, melt the hardness that is originally present there.
Amelia: I experienced that just upstairs in your meditation barn at the retreat. I was sitting with kind of how I had been feeling internally, these last couple of months. And the feedback I get from others often when they look at my life is: “You're doing a lot.” And I don't always recognize the weight of the inner load that I'm carrying, which is why I've been sharing about it on the podcast recently, in terms of returning to basic self care and becoming unavailable. And I think just kind of connecting with you and having a chance to read this book, it all made sense for me at the right time.
So, let's turn now to the Tending Triad, because that's a bit of what I was exploring. And I would love for you to kind of identify those three key elements and why it's important to keep your inner flame burning bright.
Erin: Yeah, the Tending Triad is what we sort of consider after working with a whole lot of people in a lot of different situations as coaches over the last few years. We sort of consider these things the essentials. And, you know, I start the whole book with a story about my own burnout and kind of the health crisis that I was in and I think people look at me sideways a little bit with it because I was at the time that I really burnt out and had to shut everything down. I was teaching yoga and I was running an acupuncture practice. I was literally in the business of helping other people not feel stressed and not get sick. And I was at my worst in my own life. was like probably the hardest period of time ever for me.
And when I started to kind of move through that journey on my side and then started to work with other people, I realized that it's sort of like the fire triangle. The three things you need in order to build fire physically are heat, oxygen, and fuel. And the same thing is true when it comes to keeping your own inner fire alive.
So for heat, you need that vision. You need something that is actually worth pouring your life energy towards. The things that help you feel really alive. That is like what I call free energy. It is the thing you can attach to and move towards. Next, you need fuel. You need the sustaining rituals in your life. The sleep, the food, the movement, the things that keep you physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, healthy, the relationships that matter. And a lot of people have those things somewhat dialed in. You know, we do work with a lot of entrepreneurs. They're very visionary. They know they have to be doing their stuff.
But one thing, probably the one that's the trickiest is the oxygen. It's what we call the personal filter. When you say I'm unavailable. I'm changing my availability. That is the filter through which we either let our energy leak out by saying yes to everyone and everything and working at 100 % of our capacity at all times for years on end, or where we say, this is what I'm willing to be available to. I've spent so much energy trying to dial these other pieces in, and now I need some of that energy for me, for the things that are important for me.
I do think you're a beautiful example of someone who is very aware of their personal filter. And it's something that is not always easy, but it is probably the one that's, I think that's the most challenging. Definitely for me, it's the most challenging one for me. And it's often the most challenging one for those of us who have built up all this energy and capacity.
Amelia: Well, I will share, I am vision-aligned. That one, that part of the triad comes easy to me. I can lean into it and stoke it - since we're talking about a fire. That's straightforward for me.
What I do notice is, which is why I've been talking about it, those elements of care in terms of sustaining rituals and healthy food, movement, sleep, those are the ones that are almost signals for when things start to crumble for me. So if those are slipping, then there might be attention needed. I'm, I'm, I'm highly aware of that, but it is always kind of where my attention turns as a precursor or like a you know, check engine light for me. And the filter is something that I've practiced over time and built up resilience.
So I do like to circle back and check in on that one. But with my clients, it's often something that we're talking about. So I love that you included that because it is easy for us to forget how much of our time, energy and attention we're giving away to things that might not align with our vision or encourage our well-being.
Steve: And I love that you have your own approach to that tending triad where you notice that the sustaining rituals are your check engine light. I think it's going to be a personal journey for each person. Some people are going to have a harder time connecting to that heat and that kind of passion of where they're going. Others haven't really put much thought into the fuel. They're just like, I've got energy, I'm going to spend it rather than, “How do I need to cultivate this over time?”
So the most important part with the Tending Triad is not getting it perfect, because there is no way to get it perfect. It is a filter through which to look at your experience of life and work and ask, “Where do I need to focus now in order to make sure my flame is burning brightly?”
Erin: Yeah, it's just like a fire. Sometimes you need to add a little more fuel to it. Sometimes it's not quite hot enough. Sometimes you've got to get the air moving. it's, it is, I love that it's kind of, there's a homeostasis to it. Which is why it does take up so much of the book - why it is such an important piece. Because it's the first thing to go. And it's also the most essential part to actually setting that lantern to light.
Amelia: Beautifully said. And as we wrap up, and before I ask my kind of final question, is there anything else that you would like to share about the book or the writing process while being parents, while being business owners?
Steve: It ain't easy. It ain't easy, folks. But that doesn't mean that it's not a real joy and incredibly fulfilling. It's amazing to have taken the time to put these ideas into writing, into a book. It's one thing to share them on a webinar. It's another thing to put it in the format that culture looks at and says, “This belongs in a library. This should be preserved.” Whereas digital ephemera kind of comes and goes. could be the same ideas, but when you change the format, they're seen in a different light. We relate to them in a different light. They only came about in some cases because we were putting the book together. So the medium definitely changes how we create and share the message. Yeah.
Erin: I guess the other thing I would just add to that is we were really grateful to have so many people willing to share their stories in the book. There are a few of our clients, a few people that we just, we know in our community. But I think that it's great when authors share their story, but when it's someone from the world and we have clients who can now share those - their story with their people in this way. There's something very special about that. Then, you know, it's not just some tools we made up. It’s things that have been working for people. And that's very meaningful to us to see and to be able to share that.
Amelia: And that's the word that I was going to use is “meaningful,” to see that fabric woven together for sure. Well, congratulations!
Erin & Steve: Thank you. Thank you, Amelia.
Amelia: What's one way that you employ organization - whatever that might mean to you. It could be a creative, out of the box way. What's one way you employ “organization” now as an adult?
Erin: So when I found out that my organization is good, when it all made sense and clicked on after taking my Colby assessment and then having Steve's really look similar, I realized that the way that I stay organized is by taking away all the decision factors. So I am a digital calendar girl. I have my life pretty much set on a digital calendar. It's shared.
So we have eliminated a lot of the back and forth that often happens in relationships. Instead of asking one another about our timing, everything is on a calendar. We send each other calendar invites for things. It probably eliminates the need to talk and go back and forth. So that one has been really helpful to me. then it means that my energy for creating is free. I'm not sort of bogged down with something I don't always have a lot of capacity and energy for.
Steve: And I was going to say calendar as well, but since you stole that, I'm going to use... it. Stolen. I'm going to use signing up for things. yeah. That's good. When I'm on my own, just kind of freestyling towards, you know, however I want to grow in my life, I will make progress. Things will happen, but when I'm in a course and there's a teacher saying, okay, this month we focus on this, I want you to do X, Y, Z, suddenly I'm doing all kinds of things.
And there's what we call smart accountability. We're part of a container that's being held so that we don't need to, like you said, kind of make all those decisions, figure out how we're gonna plan it, how we're gonna plot it, put that in someone else's hands, and then we just show up.
You know, when I want to make the biggest strides in my athletic capacity, sign up for a race or I commit to, you know, some kind of crazy adventure. Like I write about in the book with cycling up a 10,000 foot volcano. And then suddenly the training takes care of itself because there's, there's a thing that I have put myself within the container.
Amelia: So good. So good. Well, those are going to be very valuable for folks and I'm sure everyone can relate. I think my husband and I also do a great job of communicating through our calendar.
And signing up for things. I have to be cautious and careful that I don't over commit to signing up for things since I'm aiming for 75 % capacity, but from
scientific and social perspective, I absolutely understand how that gets you, Steve, going, anyone moving ahead towards their lanterns.
Steve: Yeah, it's, know, whatever word comes to you, it's all good. The beautiful thing about this is we're all learning, right? It's a judgment-free zone in the extreme. It's about whatever that process looks like for you and whatever words you wanna use are all good. And we just kinda keep on rocking.
Amelia: Thank you both so much for bringing your time and your energy and wisdom to the podcast today. I would love for you to share how folks can pick up a copy of the new book, Superabound: Live the Life the Universe is Dreaming for You and connect with you. I know you have a community. I know you have masterminds and certifications, all the beautiful things.
Steve: Well, all the information is at our website, besuperabound.com. That's B -E -superabound.com. And then you can learn all about the book at besuperabound.com/book.
Erin: You can get it anywhere. I think it's all over the place. You can get it anywhere. There's an online bookseller on which our book can be found and we certainly hope that you'll read it and enjoy it.
And thank you so much, Amelia, for having us and for sharing all of your wisdom. There are things that just like beautiful things that you've said that do stick with us and that we do talk about. And I know that we are not alone in that. Thank you for having us and for reading and so great to spend time with you.
Steve: Thank you, Amelia.
Amelia: My pleasure.
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