Empowering Minds to Elevate Your Self-Esteem with Dr. Simone Alicia

In this enlightening episode, we are joined by Dr. Simone Alicia, an international self-esteem expert, author, motivational speaker, and television personality. Known as The Self Esteem Doctor, Dr. Simone shares her profound insights into how mindset, thoughts, and beliefs shape our self-esteem and influence every aspect of our lives.

Dr. Simone introduces the concept of mental rehearsal, explaining its scientific basis and how it can transform our neurology to build confidence and courage. From visualizing success to feeling the emotions associated with our goals, she guides us through practical steps to harness the power of our minds for personal and professional growth.

Whether you're looking to enhance your self-esteem, manifest your dreams, or navigate life's challenges with a positive mindset, this episode is packed with actionable advice and inspiring stories. Tune in to discover how you can start making measurable improvements in your self-esteem and overall well-being today.

About Dr. Simone:
Dr. Simone Alicia, known as "The Self Esteem Doctor," is dedicated to empowering individuals to enhance their self-perception and realize their full potential. Specializing in NLP, positive psychology, and spirituality, she serves as a mentor, coach, practitioner, and motivational speaker. Dr. Alicia passionately engages in speaking engagements, teaching, training, and one-on-one NLP coaching sessions. Her expertise spans areas such as self-esteem, psychology, goal setting, and personal development. Committed to improving mental health and wellness, Dr. Alicia values integrity, kindness, and privacy in her interactions. She aims to transform lives through individual coaching sessions, group presentations, and media appearances, spreading the message of positive self-esteem and empowerment.

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Transcript

 Hey, everyone. It's Kristina with the She's Brave Podcast. Can you guys tell that I'm smiling?  Yes, I really, really am. Today's episode is all about self esteem. 

You guys, self esteem encompasses everything in our life, right? You guys, it affects everything in our life. Could you use some more self esteem today? I definitely could. I think we all could. I mean, I think especially in today's world, especially with our smartphones and with social media, I think a lot of us are struggling with self esteem.

It's really a big thing today. So, today I have Dr. Simone Alicia. Dr. Simone is an international self esteem expert, author, motivational speaker, and television personality who creates measurable improvements in mindset, thoughts, beliefs, and behavioral outcomes. Her company, The Self Esteem Doctor, is a global self development empire focused on nourishing mental, spiritual, and physical well being in people of all ages.

Welcome, Dr. Simone.  

I'm so excited, Kristina. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I can already feel this discussion. I'm also smiling. I hope you guys can hear me too. Thank you for having me. 

Oh, so good to have you here. So I'm going to dive right in and know what your definition of self esteem is and why is self esteem important now more than ever, in your opinion.

All right. So I'm going to open up with a little jingle that I use when I'm doing my motivational talks and my public appearances. And it's, it's this, right? I start singing the jingle the way I think and feel about myself. So you guys got to start off hearing me sing. So I apologize for that. So the way I think and feel about myself, those have become really the center points of self esteem based on my work. So it is about what's going on in your mind, your thoughts, the pictures you're holding in your mind, that self talk, that inner dialogue. And then of course, how you're feeling, which starts to bring in a little bit more of the heart centeredness using the emotion and the way the chemicals flow through the body, all that kind of fancy stuff  and actually takes us into this deeper space, kind of touches on this metaphysical space of energy and vibes, and bringing in that kind of feeling and emotion. When I say the way you think and the way you feel about yourself, it's kind of incorporating all of that. And it gives us our power to navigate, well, how do I think and how do I feel and how can I adjust and improve that over time?

So that's my best definition of self esteem. 

I love it. Yeah. 

Yeah. And I really think this impacts, like you said in the beginning, every single area of every single person's life ever, no matter what your age, what your industry, it is the foundation from which we see the world and navigates and guides us in the directions that we're going to take.

Like, am I going to go for this job? Am I going to stay in this relationship? Am I going to believe that I can achieve this or that? Am I going to reach for happiness? Am I going to reach for health? All of that is really sustained by how we are thinking and feeling about who we are fundamentally. 

Yeah. I'm super fascinated with you and  the work that you do. So I want to ask you some questions about the work that you do. I know that you do something called mental rehearsal. Yes. So tell us what that is and how it works. 

Mental rehearsal is the psychological term that has been used to describe the process of picturing and imagining what it is that you want to accomplish or do, or maybe even manifest, right?

So you go into your mind and it's twofold. First you are picturing and seeing this thing and you're seeing it with great detail, with color, with, you know, action. And you can even try to add sounds if you want, like really. Turn up the volume on your imagination and really play it out. Because a lot of times we will say we want something, but we're not actually kind of setting that GPS, if you will, to what it is we say we want.

We usually say, I want this because I don't want that. And then we sit and we think about the thing we don't want for a really long time and panic that that might happen to us or whatever. And so we need to turn up the picture of what we do want. So the mental imagery is the act of becoming really clearly focused mentally on the images of what it is that you do want, what they would look like. Then the other aspect of that that often gets left out of the equation is how does that feel? Again, it brings us right back to my self esteem definition, right? What am I thinking? What am I feeling? So mental imagery now also entails feeling.

You've got to be able to conjure up the feelings of what would this thing feel like if you attained it, if you had it, if you were enjoying it, if it was happening to you. And when you do that, you literally change the state of the body in very scientific ways. It's been researched and documented that you are making real biological changes and changes in your neurology and your brain by doing this combination of steps.

And if you don't mind, Kristina, can I kind of give you this picture of what actually happens? Yeah, absolutely. So I'm gonna try to make it super, super simple. If you want more details, we can chat later, but this is just kind of simple when your brain and body have this picture and then a feeling your brain says, Oh, this thing that you just saw, you're feeling it.

So it must be quote unquote real. So your brain and body records it as, okay, this happened. So let me get more specific. Let's say I'm going to do, I don't know, a presentation for work. I'm terrified to stand up and talk in front of everybody, but I now start practicing in my mind and I see myself standing in front of everyone.

I see myself delivering the speech. I see people smiling at me. I imagine the feeling of feeling really comfortable, really confident, really brave, really powerful up there. I imagine the feeling of people supporting me and I just feel so good about this image in my mind. My brain and body go, Oh. Well, Simone just saw a successful presentation and she's feeling really great.

That must have happened and my brain records it as essentially a memory. And like this happened. So while my brain can't tell the difference, did I actually stand up there and do this presentation? Or are you just thinking about it? The differentiating factor is the fact that I was feeling it. So my brain's like, it has to be real. You're feeling it. And so if I do that five times, 10 times, 100 times, whatever it is, I keep recording this memory that I was successful at the meeting. Well, now when it's time to do the memory, my brain sends me a signal. And of course, chemical signatures are flowing through my body that says, Oh, you did this before.

You're fine. Right. Just like when we do anything a billion times, you're like, okay, yeah, maybe I'm nervous. Maybe I'm a little, you know, excited about this, but I feel good. I've done it before. So that's the signal you sent through your body. When you practice something using mental rehearsal, when you are seeing it and you are feeling it.

And we can do this with building our own sense of self and who we are. So, Ooh, that's good. 

Yeah. Yeah. I love how you said like our brain thinks, Oh, I've done this before. And then that basically is part of courage to, Oh, I've done this before. I have more courage now. 

Yes. Without actually having done the thing just yet.

Amazing. The way this works. 

Yeah. And I, I just want to emphasize too, like it's interesting to me and I love this and I know this. Myself as well, that a lot of times people like to talk a lot about visualization, like visualize the life that you want, but what they don't get into is the feeling behind it and, and really feeling what that feels like.

Like it's one thing to visualize something, but it's a whole nother thing to actually feel what that feels like to be in. Living that life, that life that you want, right? 

A hundred percent. Cause most of us, what we'll do is we'll picture what we say we want. And then we flood the system basically with fear, nerve, this idea that it's impossible, it'll never happen.

So that connection that really says, okay, let me make this neurological connection, let me record this as a memory, it's not working the way we want it to, because I'm not actually recording bravery and possibility and increased potential. Instead, I'm recording. Fear and impossibility. And this is not likely.
And so every time this picture comes in my head, I'm now accustomed to following it with this doubtful vibration or doubtful energy or feelings of like, this is never going to happen. And so it is, that's exactly what happens. It doesn't happen. And it doesn't feel believable. And it seems ridiculous. And so people visualize your life and you're picturing it and you're like, This will never happen.

Oh, look, there I am with a billion dollars. That'll never happen. There I am smiling all the time. That'll never happen. And it's like, well, you're not getting any closer to living that you're not recording these things as memories. You're not making neurological changes that are positive. You're just kind of cementing and sitting where you are with that particular state of mind that you're in and you're not progressing into the new possibilities.

So, you know, my listeners out there, I know I can already hear them. Yeah, they're saying, but Kristina, how am I going to find that? I have low self esteem. How am I going to find the partner of my dreams? I have low self esteem. How am I going to start that business that I want to start, but I'm too afraid to do so.

Can you give us a couple of hacks? Like, what are some baby steps we can do?  

I absolutely love this question. So first of all, when it comes to the idea of, you know, finding the person you want to be with or, or getting that dream job, I think sometimes we have to step back a little bit and say. Is this authentically what I want?

Because sometimes we are creating these goals based on the shoulds, right? Versus what I really desire. What's calling me forward. There's a big difference between, okay, I have been programmed to think that I should want this very massive, important CEO position. And so now I have to fight myself to go get it.

Right. And then you're like, well, why don't I want to move forward? What's wrong with me? What's in self judgment and it's all this. However, if you stop and say, Do I want a CEO position? Do I want that? Because that might not be one of your personal human needs. That might not be your thing, right? You might just say, I want to be in a service position where someone's already set everything up.

And I come in and I help and I give, and I love, and I share in my own way. I don't want to be a leadership in a leadership role. And that's not bad, but sometimes the world teaches you that, well, you don't have any ambition if you don't want to be a CEO, but. Yeah. We can't all be CEOs, right? Like we all have to follow our heart and bring to the table, what we're really meant to bring to the table.

So I would say the very first hack, if you will, is to really step back and say, is this even what I want? And if not, what is it that I do want? And when you start to unfold what you do want, you will start to feel like it is calling you. Like, imagine like your phone just calling you and call it ringing and ringing.
And you're like, Oh my gosh, what is it? Who, who  wants me like this? That's what the desire of your heart is calling you. You can't. Stop yourself from doing it. And yes, you can still be scared. And yes, you can still be uncertain. And in fact, in fact, I've told my clients when they go, I'm not brave. I'm scared.

I go, are you doing it? And they're like, Oh yeah, I'm doing it. I'm like, that's what bravery is. You can't be brave unless you're scared first. If you're not scared first, then it's not really bravery. I said, you got to kind of be nervous, apprehensive, and then keep taking steps. That's bravery. Otherwise you feel good about something.

You do it. That's great. And that's admirable, but Bravery requires you to be a little bit nervous at first and then take steps anyway. So when you're in that space and you feel that calling like this is my gosh, I want to do this. I'm a little nervous. You'll find yourself taking steps forward because it's calling you so much.

And there's more excitement than there is fear. And you just go for it. When I first became the self esteem doctor.  Came up with that title. I was so excited. Honey, I said to my husband, I'm like, Oh my gosh, I figured it out. I'm a self esteem doctor. He's like, great job, honey. Go, you go girl. I'm like, yeah.

And then a couple of weeks later, I'm like working things out and someone goes, so what's a self esteem doctor anyway? And I'm like. I don't really know yet. I'm still creating her. Okay. So I don't know what I'm doing yet, but like, I know this is it. It's calling me and we're going with it.  And I know it sounds kind of impossible at some levels of our development.

Right? Like, I wouldn't have said this. 25 years ago, I'm gonna be a self-esteem doctor, but I wouldn't have known this. But what I did was just take those small confident steps that I could, the small steps that I could reach for, I reached for those. I didn't try to take a step that was impossible for me.

If you're on the hundredth step, and I'm on step five, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna be able to leap from five to a hundred just to stand by your side, but I can take step from five to six. I might even be able to leap from five to seven, even five to eight if I'm feeling froggy. Right? . But like. But I'm not going to jump from five to a hundred.

So I took the next steps that I could take. And in your love life or your professional life, don't try to take the steps you think you see everyone else taking, figure out what's the next logical and reachable step for you. And that might even be the step of starting mental imagery. It might not be calling anyone or setting anything up or, you know, organizing a big thing.

It might just be getting your mindset in check, might be the next logical step for you. And you've got to be willing to see that. And then to that stuff. 

Yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful. They said, would you? Would you recommend, like if someone was starting with the step of mental imagery, which makes total sense to me, just even maybe five minutes when you first wake up in the morning, maybe like, you know, imagining it, feeling it again, that feeling is so important, even just that, do you think that's a good starting step?

I don't even know if you know how good it is, what you just said, Kristina, let me tell you.  Let me tell you how good it is. When you are first waking up in the morning, your brain is coming out of that state of sleep, that like alpha, and you're going to be entering into beta, getting ready to start your day and be busy thinking about things.

If you utilize that lower frequency of the brain that we're waking up and you start to just kind of implant and almost hypnotize yourself. If you're okay with that word. Just start to say before I start my day, let me just use this kind of sleepy, almost awake state to visualize to just see to feel to dream to just almost fantasize about.

Wow. Wouldn't that be amazing? And you can adjust your wording. So you can come to that place of visualization more easily. If you're going to say, let's say you want, um, I don't know, to be a storyteller. Celebrity or something. If you're like, yeah, I can picture it. I'm a celebrity today. And you're like, okay, that's a lie.

That doesn't feel good. Then don't say it like that. If you might have to soften it and say, I can imagine the feeling of being a celebrity right now. I could just imagine that I would just roll out of my bed right now. And my fluffy sandals are on the floor. And then someone's bringing me breakfast. Like, and you just imagine it and you just dream it.

I can imagine. If, and it'd be so cool if, and would it be nice if, and I would love the feeling of, and just kind of play with it in a softer way that will let your feelings elevate about the possibilities of it. And then I think once you understand what's really happening here, it's less like, oh, great.

I'm playing pretend in my bed instead of getting up and starting my day. No, what you're doing is setting your body and your mind in agreement and starting to create memories and connect different neurons in your brain to start making this more of a possibility and a probability in your life. So that you are clearer and you're more open and when opportunities come your way, you can start to seize them because all of a sudden your brain with this recording of Wow, I could possibly be a celebrity or I could get this job or I could make this money or I could find this relationship.

Your brain now is like, really, , Permeating on this possibility because you've really planted this picture in your mind. So when opportunities come by, you seize them, you realize, Hey, I should ask her this question. Ooh, I should say this to him. Oh, I should go to that dinner event tonight. You know, maybe your person is there.
So it's a lot of real scientific things that happen when you dive into mental imagery and take that five minutes in the morning, right after you wake up or the five minutes before you go to bed. That is also, yeah, very, very important time.  

Wow. Yeah. I love it too. I want to share a personal experience and just kind of bounce it off you a little bit because I think when I started my podcast, you know, I tried to tell myself I'm going to visualize a million downloads and it felt really fake to me.

So I had to keep dialing it back and scaling it back until it didn't feel fake. And you know what it started with 50 listeners. And that's okay. You know, that's what I started with. Like I can, I can visualize 50 people listening to this podcast, you know, that's all it started with. Sometimes you got to start small, right?

I'm smiling so big right now. And I wish you could see the goosebumps that are like all over my body. Because yes, and you know what? We are taught to dream big. We're taught that if we dream big again, like you practically ambition. Like, what are you doing? And I'm not going to ever deter you from dreaming big.

If you can say to yourself, you've got a million listeners and that just Yeah. And I'm not 

saying it's not. Yes. Some people can, if you can. 

Great. Go for it. Right. I don't want anyone listening in to think that there's this one size fits all. I'm not going to, I'm not saying to you all, everybody starts small.

I'm not saying that. And I'm not saying everybody you go as big as you can. Everybody start big.  

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What feels good? Where are you at? Where are you? And where can you go from there? What staircase, if you will, are you on? And what's your next step that makes sense for you?

Ultimately, sure, you want to get to a million, a billion, a trillion, whatever number people tell you can or can't get to could be your dream. That's great. What are, what's your next logical step that you are actually able to see and feel, um, and arrive at for you to feel, um, Good for you to feel like you can enjoy that vision, and those baby steps can be, I mean, powerful.

It's funny, you know, we say the word baby steps, and I don't think we really think about. What that means. But until we take baby steps, we don't take bigger steps, right? It all starts. That's just the beginning baby steps. Don't signify small insignificant baby steps indicate primary, like the first ones, those most important ones where you learn how to get your balance under you and you learn how to locomote.

Right. And so once you get that, then you can start running and sprinting and jogging and cartwheeling and whatever it is. So I think it's really powerful. To say, I know me and this is my dream and this is my next logical step. There's a lot of pressure and there's a lot of comparison happening out there. And then we start gauging our worth and our value on, well, am I going fast enough? Am I dreaming big enough? Yes. We get lost. Lost in, in that world of comparison.  

We do. So let's talk a little bit more about that. What, what, what, what do we do if we get lost in the world of comparison? 

I'm going to give you this imagery and a lot of times what helps us to remember this key.

Thank you. Tips and tools. It's like, how do we represent it in our mind? Right. Words kind of come through like a typewriter, just kind of come in, come out sometimes, but let's get some imagery going. I want you to imagine, right. I'm going to, I'm going to hold up two fingers and I want you to imagine that one finger represents you as a being like just this being now, whatever your religious or spiritual beliefs are, you're just this being right.

And then you're going to hold up the finger next to it, like your middle finger. And you say, this is maybe the doing what you're doing, what you're accomplishing and doing. 

And I want you to recognize, like, let's imagine that doing doesn't work out. You're doing something. It doesn't work out. So let's drop it down and say, it's a negative.

Your being still remains. And if you recognize that my beingness is good and wholesome and pure and deserving and fantastic and powerful and whatever all the things are, they come along with what you think of my inner being, then that still remains. And then you can say, I have my power. And then you can bring up another doing.

So. Flick that middle finger back up again beside it. And I've got two fingers up again. I can do something else. I can try again. And again, if it fails, if it succeeds again, drop it down, pick it up, drop it down, pick it up. The thing that consistently remains is your being. And when we maintain this sense of being this, then we find a little less drive to compare with everyone else around us because I have this.

Beingness that is me, and it's always good and, and essential and effective and important and wonderful. And it's not determined by the things I'm doing by, in contrast, if I hold this index finger up now and I say, this record represents my being and my doing. That means when I fail, we drop it down.  

And that's what I think.

That's the. One of the biggest mistakes that a lot of us are making is we're, we're holding up one finger and saying this represents the being and the doing. So therefore when I do and I fail, I am a failure.  That's what happens, right? 

Yes. I'm like screaming.  

Yeah. 

Yeah. And so to me, that is an essential component is recognizing me as the being, which now we talk about the true self.

We can talk about divine self. You can talk about higher self, inner being, whatever feels comfortable for you, but we're talking about a deeper sense of self. And this deeper sense of self is beyond comparison because it we're joined in oneness in that, in that deeper sense of self. So then I can say, well, this doing that may have failed or whatever I can redo.

I can try again. It has nothing to do with who I am.  It's an experience that either went well or went wrong and I can do it over again. And in that we build the sense of power. And then I'm like, well, I didn't, I'm not a failure. I can just try this thing again. And your being is amazing. And you chose that thing and it worked.

That's great for you. Maybe I'm inspired by you. Maybe I want to do the opposite of you. It doesn't matter. Your being's intact. My being's intact. Let's just keep doing, let's just keep doing and experience this world. Does that make sense?  

Yes. That's beautifully said. Beautifully said. And I just think. It's such a powerful reminder because I think we can so easily slip into identifying with our failures.

A hundred percent, 

you know, that that's the essence, but it's, it's not. And, and, and then, you know, again, let's redefine failure. I mean, like apparently Picasso painted thousands of paid paintings and. Yeah. And just hundreds of them are well known, you know, so I mean, you know, you can say that about singers.

You can say that about everybody, you know, they, they produce thousands of songs. They, they produced this, this, this, this, you know, and they're known for this number, whatever they weren't defined by. The ones that didn't make it, you know, right.  

And I think so much of that has to do with focus. Like, where are we putting the attention?

So imagine I'm holding up a magnifying glass. I walk up to you and your doings, right? I understand you're being as great. So let's put that to the side. And I walk up to your doings, your accomplishments. When I put the magnifying glass, On all the ones that did not work out or all the things that failed or all the times that whatever that's all the negative stuff, then clearly I'm going to amplify and magnify the negative.

And as I start to describe you and what I know of you, of course, it's all going to be tied to. Well, she did this. She didn't do that. She failed at that. And it's going to be this. Big critical, you know, thing that's riddled in judgment because that's where I placed my magnifying glass. Essentially, it could be the same for a Picasso.

If I go back and dig up the thousands that were horrible. I look what this dude did. He can't draw. He can't paint. He's no artist. We could like really drive that home. If we build a picture around that and then we are publicizing and promoting what didn't work, but we're going to feel badly about him and his students.

and whatever he contributed or didn't contribute to history. But instead we put the spotlight on the two or three or the hundred or whatever it is. And now we think, wow, masterful. Wow. One of the greats. And so if we take that as a process. And use it in our lives and say, okay, where am I putting my magnifying glass?

Because you know, if Edison did the one bulb and then the 10, 000, right. I, where'd I put the magnifying glass. So I made my 10,000 mistakes and I've done my one or two great victories or 10 or a hundred, whatever. If I put my magnifying glass on that intentionally, I'm going to amplify and magnify that.

Whatever I amplify and magnify, I'm going to feel more easily when I'm feeling it and seeing it. We've talked about this. My brain is going to continue to record this as the essence of what I'm able to do and accomplish. This is now natural for me or more natural. And I can start to attach that to my being a little bit more and say, you know what, I'm the being who's done these really great things.

And yes, I've done stupid things too, and I failed, and I've done that. I'm not trying to say or suggest we lie about that. But somewhere along the lines, we got trained that if we somehow confess to all your failures and keep it real about everything that's not working out in your life, then you're honest and you're real and you're raw.

And it's like, okay, that's cool. But what if I also want to talk about some of the good stuff I did? You're probably conceited and fool yourself. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So let me get this straight. Keeping it real is keeping it negative because I'm going to chart everything bad that I've done. So you guys understand that I'm real.

But if I say the positive things that I've done, even just for myself, then I'm cocky and I'm kind of fake and I'm Pollyanna and I'm only looking at the good and I'm trying to be, it's very bizarre how we've been trained to look at the negative and call it, keeping it real and look at the positive and somehow feel badly about doing so, and then turn around.

And look for happiness. It's very interesting to me when I do my talks. Um, I do a lot of public appearances and I do talks at schools and businesses and, and, uh, corporate retreats, et cetera. And, uh, a lot, one thing I like to do a lot is I'll, and if you see me in a talk, don't, don't give it away. Don't give this away.

Okay. But I like to pull up a screen with a scene. And I'll tell everyone, listen, let's look for a particular color on the screen. So I might say, look for yellow, right? I'm like, identify everything that you see that's yellow, look for it, search for it, look in the tiles and the light and the patterns on whatever's on the scene.

Right? And I give them a couple of minutes to look at it. They're getting really detailed. They're finding a splotch on the wall. And then I, I hide that picture and I say, quick. List everything you saw that was purple. And they're all like, wait, you said yellow. And I'm like, well, tell me what was purple.

They're like, but you, but I was looking for yellow. I'm like, well, tell me what was purple. They're like, why? And I'm like, well, because this is what we do in our lives. We walk around and we chart everything that didn't work, you know, so we can keep it real as society has told us. We chart everything that failed and everything that didn't work and everything that makes us not feel significant or important, every goof up we did, every whatever, and then we turn around the end of the night and then we start searching for happiness.

But. You did not look for happiness throughout your day. How are you going to find it at night? You did not look for purple, but now I'm telling you to find purple. You've got to look for purple if you want purple. And if you're looking for yellow, you're going to get yellow at the end of the day. So to switch that out for happiness, like looking for the things that are working, looking for your strengths, looking for the successes.

I'm not telling you to be blind. I'm not telling you to lie to yourself. I'm telling you to make a decision. Um, you know, you have to make a decision about what you want to identify about yourself, how you want to feel about yourself. Go ahead and do research and pull all of those from the archives of your life, and then set that in agreement with who you are and who you're growing into, because that's where your power is.

Yeah. And we've got to start seeing that.  

I also love the concept of at bed, getting into bed and instead of, you know, rehashing all the things that went wrong, rehashing all the things that went right. Yeah. 

100%. 100%. And I got something for those of you because I don't know your listeners that well yet, but I'm going to guess based on our earlier talk that our listeners might be saying, okay, wait a second.

I'm very used to rehashing what went wrong. You're not going to take that from me. That's like venting. That helps me to feel great. I like the release. I actually am not going to disagree with you. I actually created this dark journaling style where. I said, you know what? Go ahead and release like this is what went wrong.

Fine. But that's an incomplete process after you've released. You then need to refill. So if you're going to lay in bed at night and say this went wrong and I can't believe this and how did I do this and why this happened? No problem. But I need you to turn to the next page of your journal or whatever you're writing on.

And I need you to start saying. But I still love the idea of being a success. I can see the joy coming in my life. I know that I'm worthy of it. I know I've seen happy days in the past. I know happy days can come in the future. It's up to me. I can think this way. I can feel this way and refill yourself intentionally.

Because the problem is that we're looking for happiness. Just kind of knock on our door and confidence and self esteem and bravery. Just come, come find me, like come knock on the door. But That stuff is a little shy. It doesn't knock. You know what knocks drama? Drama is not shy.  Negativity is not shy. They will come banging down your door and every time you open it, you will experience that.

So we now have to deliberately go out and search and say, do I want this happiness? Yes or no. I'm going to go out and find it. I mean, look for it. Literally like you're looking for your keys when you've got to go and you need your car, look for it and do not stop until you find it. And that's how you're going to feed that every night before you go to bed.

Write down what worked out today. Write a list of what you're grateful for and feel it. Give your brain the training. Like this is my life. These 10 awesome things that happened today. This is who, who I meant to be and how I'm meant to live. This is amazing. And do your venting if you need to, but don't stop halfway through the process.

Make sure you're also refilling. 

I love this. Yeah. That you brought up such an important point because yeah, we, we have to process the negative. That's okay too. So process it and then, you know, go, go make sure you do the next step. Don't stop there. A 

hundred percent. And I told you, I love you all. I'm going to give you guys a visual for that.

Um, and it's not like the most pleasant visual. So work with me, but when you go to the dentist, If you're having a cavity removed, the dentist kind of scoops out all that. Let's call it negative, right? The cavity is the negative stuff. You scoop it out, but they don't just scoop it out and then send you home.

Like, okay, the cavity is gone now. Bye. You let it out, go home. Like you have a gaping hole there. And if you don't fill it with something positive on purpose, then the world, the sugars, the foods, things that just happen to be in the mouth. We'll refill that hole for you and it will be a problem. Right?

It'll just gonna make things worse, even though temporarily you scooped it out. So we need to be as deliberate as the dentist. In that case, we're scooping out the negative and then we are packing and refilling it with positive on purpose so that we've more now protected that space. And we're not just leaving ourselves open to absorb more negative as we go throughout the day.

So picture that dentist process. I like it. 

You're, I actually like that. I like that analogy. Scooping it out. Yep. And then packing it in with the good stuff. Cause you know, that's, that's so, that's so great. I know you do something called neuro linguistic programming. What the heck is that? Tell us 

more.

You're literally a mind reader. Cause I, as soon as I said that I was like, and I'm telling you that example because of neurolinguistic, I heard you.  Yes. Okay. So neuro linguistic programming is literally using the language of the mind to program behavior. So using the language of the mind to program behavior.

So how is my brain processing the world? I process more in pictures than I do in words. That's how we, that's how we work. So I was giving the example earlier to someone.  Saying if I tell you a series of words, right, you kind of imagine the words coming in. You're trying to, like, read the word, trying to memorize it, like, trying to memorize a paper or a textbook, and sometimes, you know, half of it leaks out, you forget, like, I'm not sure, whatever, but if I can show you or demonstrate to you With action, if I can actually show you how to do something, then what sticks in your brain is the picture that you see in your mind of me doing this thing.

And then you're more likely to remember some of the steps because you saw it as a movie, almost a picture, right? Which is why side note, television, movies, music, all that is so influential and impactful for us and our kids because it's imagery. And we're going to remember the imagery 10 times more or a hundred or whatever the statistic would be there.

Um, then we will just writing things out. So Neuro linguistic programming allows me to speak the language of your mind. So if I'm in a coaching session with you, or if I'm addressing an audience, the more pictures that I can paint, the more you can walk away seeing a staircase where you're not jumping to the 100 step, but you're just taking the next or see a picture of you, um, scooping out a cavity and then putting in, you know, good,  composite or whatever, good stuff back in when you have those pictures, it's easier for you to recall.

So in NLP, we're using the language of the brain, those pictures, the imagery, we're helping you to enhance and brighten and make clearer the imagery that you do want. And for you to fade and kind of delete and distort and, you know, kind of move, move away from the images you don't want. One of the descriptions I give of myself as a coach, I say, I am your self esteem or emotional Uber.

Okay. So you call me up and I'm like, well, where are you at? And you're like, well, I don't love myself and I don't think I'm capable of anything. And I say, okay, thanks for letting me know. Where are we going? And as you continue to paint the picture of, yeah, but I hate myself and I've hated myself since I was five.

I'm like, that's cool. And there's a, there's, there's space for that, for that kind of venting. I respect it. Different industries really kind of thrive on you being able to scoop that out. And I'm total respect for it. I don't believe in one size fits all. However, my job. It's not for us to sit where I picked you up and talk about where we are.

Oh, but look out here and this is where I'm sad. And okay, that's cool. Where are we going? I need to start this car and I need to get us some, where are we going? And that's going to be the importance of you being able to paint the picture and me also being able to help you paint that picture. So you can see very clearly where you're going.

I want you to imagine typing in the GPS. I don't want to be here. And the GPS is like, well, where do you want to go? And you're like, not here. 

Yeah. But where do you want to go? 

Here. I can't take you anywhere. Anywhere is not a location. Please put in a specific destination.

Well, I hate being here because I've been here for 20 years and I can't. We're not, we're still sitting there. So, you know, as we're talking about not wanting to be here, we're sitting here and until we program something that we want and a clear destination, we can't start moving. So, neurolinguistic programming is one of the tools I use to help you to paint that picture and to shift the way your brain is seeing that picture.

You're seeing success, but your brain is seeing it as this tiny little picture in your brain. I'm going to help you to let's imagine that we've made that picture huge and it's closer and it's bright and it's colorful and you're in it and now your body is like, whoo, responding to the picture. I have one of the classes that I have in my academy and I have an online academy we talk about it later, but  have a class in there and I said.

Um, if you saw a tiny black and white ice cream cone, like you could just barely make out that it's a cone and a little one scoop on top. Is your mouth gonna water, Kristina? Is your mouth watering over the tiny black and white mini ice cream with the little cone?  No, not really tiny. 

It's too much time. It's black and white.

I don't even know what flavor we're working with here. Yeah. But now if you imagine that there's this huge picture, it is in robust, like vibrant colors. You can see that sugar cone or whichever your cone is. You can see a little ice cream dripping down the hand. You can see the sun. So you know it's hot out and you can see whatever it's strawberry or it's vanilla or pistachio or whatever you like and you can almost feel the cold wafting off of this picture onto your face.

All of a sudden you're like drooling and I apologize to everyone listening who now is craving ice cream. Yeah.  Right. But what happens now, you're, you're wanting to move towards that outcome because the picture you have has changed. So I want you to imagine that's happening inside your mind, this picture of a confident you or a brave you, or a you that really feels good about who you are is a tiny little girl.

Maybe I could, or I've never had, it's not possible. And now when I take that picture in a coaching or a presentation platform and I say, make it huge, I amplify this picture you have of yourself, all of a sudden you're called towards it and now you're drooling to merge with that version of you because it sounds real now and you now know it's a real possibility.

So that's usually how I use neurolinguistic programming. Tons of tools and techniques I can use, but the goal there is let's reprogram the pictures and what's going on in your mind. So you can really move towards the desired outcome that you have. 

Yeah. So that being said, do tell, tell us more about your Academy.

Oh, yes. So, um, I was really, really loving doing my one coaching and I still do, I have international clients and I'll do it on zoom and things. And, um, this kind of takes us into kind of that heart centered following that call. So one day shortly before, I don't know if I can say COVID anymore.

We're not talking about that thing, but shortly before that thing happened.  I said to my husband, I'm like, I'm helping so many people. The response was absolutely insane that I was getting from the people I was working with in person, and I just just wasn't enough of me to go around. I was booked for about 10 to 12 months in advance.

I'm also homeschooling my kids. I don't think I said that to you guys yet. And I'm like, I need to see how I can continue to impact people and do what I came to this planet to do. But without sacrificing my own family and also making sure that everybody who needs this help can get it. And so it came to my spirit that I'm going to put together an academy.

And so the academy has a whole entire free library, which I'm going to make sure I offer to you guys today that you guys have access to the free library, but it also has courses and classes, everything prerecorded to give you step by step instructions through many of these These tips and tools so you can use them, you can learn how to use mental imagery and take it into the, from the visualization to the emotion and to the becoming stage.

Like there's a whole course on that and others. And my goal there was how can I be everywhere at once?  How can I take what I was meant to spread to the world and not look at someone and say, no, I can't teach you because I'm in a different time zone, or no, I can't help you because it's bedtime for my kids.

How can I, Kind of work around and circumvent that. No, and turn the nose into yeses. So people everywhere and anywhere can say, all right, I got that tool and I learned that and I didn't know that. And so that's what the academy is. So it's online 24, 7 access pre recorded courses for you to go and get tips, tools, resources.

And the library is a perfect place to start because everything in there is free. Some are curated, my favorite videos, things that are just there to empower you, everything from breathing to that staircase, emotional ladder example, it goes deeper into that. Um, and so much more, so much more there for you.

Yeah. So yeah, you guys, I just wanted to say, we'll make sure to put that in the show notes and put all your info so that. people can click on it and get in there and access all those beautiful resources. Wow. You are a  powerhouse. I mean, I'm just kind of blown away by All that you've done,  you know, all that you're doing , , and all that you continue to do and they're like, , , so what's next?

What are you working on now?  

Okay. That just inspired me to bring up a word that, , Kristina, I talked about before we even really started the word change. And, , I want to kind of incorporate that in my answer here. , And turn it into a really, hopefully a really big source of inspiration for you.

 I realized in looking into Kristina and your work and your podcast and all the people that you've helped and the content you've covered and your social media, like, it's just, I was like, Oh my gosh, I love her. Like before we met, I love her. And I said to myself, well, what is being brave mean to me?

And that made me look into the past and the future, which pertains to your question. And I said, I think for me, bravery is daring to be yourself as the primary, and then attaching to that is daring to embrace the changes of yourself. Because  

we can love that answer. I don't, I haven't had that answer before.

Yes,  

I know me too.  I have witnessed myself, my clients, my friends, just being able to change and evolve. And I've watched and myself as well, fight that change at certain stages. And then I've watched when I've embraced that change. And I realized that embracing the change of self is really powerful.

Important and essential and requires tons of bravery. And that, though, is the evolution of our experience, our human experience. And every time I allow myself to evolve and every time I allow myself to be brave and to go with that evolution, that change in me, I become better and better. I help more and more people.

And then I start to realize. That the evolution of me equals the evolution of others. If the me growing and changing allows greater impact for me to do what I came to this planet to do. So I hope that encourages you that as you're changing, you know, we tend to feel locked down. Like, you know, very clear example.

, of course, you know, I started with NLP and I love NLP. I value it so much, but I soon found that there was another element. Like I'm talking about self.  Talking about thoughts and mind and picture, but I'm realizing that there's a deeper self that is kind of kind of infiltrating this conversation. And I'm kind of ignoring it.

Like, no, I do NLP, like, get out of here. Like, no, I'm not doing that, that much spiritual stuff. It's just, I didn't tell anybody , that's not my business plan. That's not on the website. Like, no, just, just go away.  And then it was, it was, remember I told you I was going to call you and like ring off your phone and just like, it was calling me until I actually was like, okay, I need to look into this.

And I started studying metaphysical science. I got a bachelor's and a master's in metaphysical science. And I'm currently a PhD candidate for metaphysical science. And I'm just continuing to learn and I keep bringing it in and bringing it into my work. And I'm seeing. Quicker results.

I'm seeing people who are just more holistically impacted. I'm seeing myself, my life, my own balance completely evolving in more and more powerful ways. And, , it's really a beautiful thing that feels like a challenge to you, but truly it's a gift to the world when you embrace your own change. And that's what being brave means to me these days.

And I hope that inspires you. 

Wow. Wow. So for you, there was this little voice that was saying, I want to go beyond NLP, neuro linguistic programming, and I want to incorporate some spirituality that was bold. That was definitely a very bold move. 

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Stop it. I mean, I thought I was stopping it, but like, slowly it leaked in.

And then the more I embraced it, then the more opportunities came that matched, right. I became a vibrational match. If you, if you use that language, I became a vibrational match to greater things and greater things that were calling me. And I'm like, you know what? And I want all of you to understand this.

I'm going to say it how I said it to myself, but this is not just my messages for all of you. Every single one of us, we are an answer to one or more prayers. We are the answer to the prayer, but we have to become all that we're meant to become so we can actually deliver the answer to that prayer. So right now there is somebody who wants you in their lives to like, to do something, to say something, to encourage, to open a door to it could be small.

It can be large. But you are the answer to a prayer or to a meditation or to a wish or a dream or a hope. And until you fully become, that's when you start to step into answering those, those prayers and really helping and serving in whatever way you can do. And that I, Oh, I fought it, honey. I fought it until I was like, I can't find it. 

I love it.  And I'm now like, I'm obsessed. Like, I mean, writing my thesis, writing my dissertation was the most exciting. I mean, like my kids are like, well, what are you going to do now, mom? It's your day off of tech. Cause like some days I just like get off a computer. I don't watch anything. And I'm like, Oh, I'm reading like 40 books today.

Like, what are you talking about? Like I'm going to, I'm doing this. Like, it's just, it's so fulfilling when you jump on that path and you find that bravery takes on a whole new definition for you. Cause you're not fighting your way through. 

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's, let's unpack that a tiny bit more. Said that you literally have a day.

You take a day where you're off tech. Tell like, let's just describe that in more detail. Tell us more about that. 

Okay. So it is, I love your face, but are you guys, she could see her face. That was so beautiful. She was like, what are you saying?  Um, okay. So it kind of is inspired by Childhood things to a certain degree.

So my father is, um, the religion my father grew up and it's called Seventh Day Adventist. And in many ways it mirrors Judaism in terms of like taking the Sabbath and certain parts of, you know, the religion have an overlap. But my father didn't really practice that. My other sides of my family did. So when we went to see family, it was like, okay, it's Friday night to Saturday night, shut it all down.

You know, you're just going to hang out. Didn't do it much. I didn't really experience it much as a kid. Um, but then in my adulthood, I was like, you know, there's just, there needs to be a time of stillness. Like I just. You need to be able to be still and like, hear your own thoughts. It can't always be that you're catching, catching, catching, catching.

You've got to produce. And I told my kids, your brain's like a factory. You should give it a chance to make something.  Let it make something. If you just sit there and catch like, Oh, imagery songs, videos, like you don't make anything. You just are a. You know, a sponge sucking in everything you see, but what have you created?

So I give myself and it's not always you guys. So don't put yourself under any pressure. There are some weeks that just can't happen. I'm traveling or I have a job to do, or I'm doing a talk, but as often as I can, and I would say it has to average two to three times a month, a very loose app. Um, I just shut it down Friday night.

Uh, no phone, no computer, no movies, no social media, no tech, no nothing. Sometimes I'll make an announcement. Hey guys, I'm shutting down. Sorry. See you Sunday or see you Saturday, whatever it is. So yeah, Sunday night, Saturday night, excuse me. Um, and I'm just off and I will read a book. I will journal. You usually I'm laying out by my pool all day long with a book, like on my face as I fall asleep and then reading the book and then on my face as I fall asleep.

And then I'm reading,  I'm just sitting out there and I love to just. Get into nature. I'm like feeling the breeze on my skin. I'm very meditative. I go into deeper meditations. I'm doing breathing techniques, uh, walking out barefoot  , in the dirt, just like connecting with nature. Um, the feeling like I'm connecting with whoever ancestors, you know, divine  higher self.

And I just really connect. And what happens usually is Saturday night when I meant to turn things back on, I don't. And it's off all Saturday night and then Sunday meant to turn it back on and I don't. And I've gone usually from Friday night to Monday many a time because I'm like, this feels so good. And when I come back, I'm so inspired all the downloads and all the things I've created, the ideas I'm just so on fire and so energized.

And anyone who deals with any guilt of like, did I spend enough time? Did I do this? It's like, I have time now to make up. I can go sit and stare at my kids and I'm just like, what you doing?  I'm just sitting here like want to play  because I don't have the distraction. So I find it to be such a powerful, cathartic, necessary element.

And I can feel when a lot of time passes and I haven't done it. It's kind of like, Like, okay, I need to stop like stuff.  

Yeah. Yeah. That, that's incredible that you do it because we're just in this such a world of, you know, glorifying the doing of things,  you know, yes, 

yes. Oh, I'm so happy you said it that way, because bringing it back to that example where we The two fingers.

It's kind of like, I just take a pause on the doing so I can really clear with those, you know, on that. I 

like that. Yeah. Yeah. Take a pause on the doing so we can get clear on the being beautifully said, wow. 

You inspired that, right? I'm writing that down.  

Yeah. Wow. You are just a star. You are just like, I'm going to say a bright light.

You are the son, girlfriend,  amazing, amazing, amazing. What we have learned today. So that being said,  I want to know, obviously we need to know how to find you, but we will put that in the show notes too, but I want to hear it from you. But before we get there, is there anything else that you want to leave with my listeners? 

Yes. Um, my, my heart just asked me to say.  Be a best friend to yourself.  We have become really good at supporting each other and especially those in our close circles. You know, if we hear someone tearing themselves apart, we immediately become aware of the pressures and the world and the comparison and the pain and we leap into a heroic friend supportive loving stance.

We really open our heart to another which is beautiful and I would never discourage that. What I'm adding to that and asking you to do and encouraging you to do is.  To give yourself that same grace that when you hear that toxicity coming from yourself, when you hear yourself speaking and owning that place of pain and have your moments, you know, I'm not for suppressing real feelings, but I am for  knowing when you are building a habit of being stuck.

And I want you to recognize that and offer yourself grace, have that self talk where you talk to yourself as you would to a best friend. I think those are some of the elements that help us to. Increase self esteem, improve confidence, step into bravery. Is that language because when we have someone on our team or at our side supporting us, it makes all the difference.

Why can't you be one of those people on your own team supporting you and helping you? So that can also make a difference. So I want to leave you with that is to be best friend to yourself. You have one minute to do it. The rest of it is just sits there. You don't get to do it. You can't do it, but you can consider the play deliberately on purpose.

Every single moment of every single day that you can.  

Beautifully said.  Wow. I love it so much. So good. So good. You guys. Right? We're all going to be like rewinding and replay.  There's so many nuggets of wisdom that it's going to take. a few listens to just get it all down and did it. 

Well, that takes us to the, to the next question you were setting up.

I definitely try to share as much of this on social media and definitely in the Academy. And I tried to make sure we keep some of this flowing. Uh, one of my friends once said to me when she got one of my newsletters, she goes, you know, Simone, it's the reminders. And I, it's just a word. But it, Kristina, it lodged in my mind that, we get so busy that it's the reminders that we need.

So listen to this and listen to this again and listen to all of your episodes again and, and follow the social media, and, and really give yourself the opportunity for reminders so that you can live in this place intentionally. Cause remember the positive might not come knocking, the negative definitely will.

So you've got to set the reminders so you can go out and find that positive as often as can, as you can to live it genuinely. And that's going to make a massive difference. So social media is a great place to follow me for more as you're listening to this as well. 

Yeah. So tell us how we can find you and connect with you.

Yes. So everything is that self esteem doctor, everything's spelled out. The, the is spelled out and the doctor is spelled out. So on Instagram, it's the self esteem doctor. My website is the self esteem doctor. com. And from the self esteem doctor. com, you can get to the Academy, which will lead you to the free library and all the other resources that you may need.

So that a lot of stuff for you and all of it is under the self esteem doctor.  

Wow. This conversation has been nothing short of amazing and really, truly going to change some lives. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys go check out Dr. Simone, Dr. Simone, I just want to take this moment to say thank you from the of my heart, taking the time out of your busy life.

You know, you're on a mission girlfriend and you have been for many, many years doing guys. Thanks for having us. Doing this work, you know, and doing it even with children, which I think is incredible. And , I want to acknowledge that in you, , the bravery to be come the person who you are today, you have done it.

You're here. And that. You know, you're acknowledging that change is continuing, you're continuing forward. And I just want to thank you for your time today and sharing, sharing your wisdom with us so that we can all be braver, better human beings. 

Oh, and thank you. Thank you for not only having me, but for creating this platform where we can have this dialogue and we can empower Those and just for us to realize we're all answers to each other's prayers.

Wait, did you say I was an answer to your prayer?  And everyone, you are an answer to a prayer because how would I be on a podcast if you didn't allow me, everyone listening to answer to a prayer because Let me be very clear with you. I have spoken to empty rooms before back in the day  when I was like, okay, I'm going to do this talk.

No one comes. And I'm like, okay, honey, honey, angle the camera this way. Don't show the empty chairs. Right? So the fact that you're here listening, that you've built this beautiful audience and you have been so trustworthy and so loving and loyal so that they can come and gather for real information. All of your work is an answer to my prayer, because I get to talk to all of these beautiful people who are real people.

Thank you for being here.

Absolutely, you're such a light, Dr. Simone. Thank you. I think this is to be continued, I think six months from now, you and me, girlfriend, we got to get together again because number one, I think even if we had the exact same conversation in six months, everybody would need to hear it again.

Number two, I think there's so much more to you. I think we just hit the tip of the iceberg today. 

I feel seen. Yes. Everyone for listening. This has been nothing short of a pleasure. I cannot wait to be back. And, I'm just so delighted. I will be smiling through the rest of the summer. Thank you so much.