I want to talk a little bit about communication. So, the types of words that we use in our daily interactions and how those might affect how someone receives you, the impression they have of you, and how you make them feel.
Because it's easy to miscommunicate and resort to passive aggressiveness, which is what I want to touch upon today.
Now, we all do it. Subconsciously, sometimes, we blurt out things, especially in the heat of the moment. Also, when we feel vulnerable or the conversation gets out of control, we don't know what to do. Still, when that happens, it's best to keep the passive aggressiveness to a minimum, as it could exacerbate the situation and throw more fuel to the fire, which is not something.
We want to do especially if we have social anxiety that can really escalate things and make us feel even worse about ourselves.
Now I don't know about you, but if someone replies to me with uh, whatever Oh my goodness, the gloves are on. So, with that being said, here are some phrases that shouldn't come out of your mouth unless your goal is to actually be passive-aggressive; then, by all means, Go ahead, feel free.
But if that's not your goal, let's see how we can rephrase some of these things and change our perspective around them.
As I go through these phrases, I try to see how they make you feel. How are you triggered by them? Are you like, oh, now I get it.
I don't, I don't like that. See what kind of reaction you have, and then maybe you'll understand how others might also react to them.
So, number one, good for you. That sounds resentful, doesn't it? It's not fun to be a recipient of good things for you. Something that you could say instead if you're feeling envious or jealous, and it's just, it's hard for you to say something, you can say, hey, wow, congrats. That's actually kind of cool. But to be honest, I also wish I could experience that as well.
Do you have any tips or advice on that?
So if you feel like you're going down the path of, you know, you're really resenting someone, you're like, oh, good for you. Try to see why whatever that person did bothers you. What is it that they have? Because it's much easier just to be honest and say, wow, you know, that's awesome.
I'm having a really hard time being happy for you because I wish that's something that I could experience. Something like that, you know, being more vulnerable will pay off more in the end than just being dismissive and resentful.
Number two, I'm sorry you feel that way. You're blaming the other person instead of taking accountability for your role in the situation. And a simple, genuine apology will actually work in this situation, such as I'm sorry I hurt you. that's going to go a long way in keeping the relationship healthy.
Obviously, I will follow up on that with the question.
Because this makes it look like you have zero responsibility for what just happened. And that's really rarely the case. And yes, miscommunication and misunderstandings do happen. Um, but saying, Hey, I'm sorry you feel that way. It kind of makes it all about them. And as if you're not even part of the equation.
Number three. It's fine. This reminds me of this cartoon: the dog and the fires all over him, and he's just having a cup of coffee as if nothing's happening. Everyone knows that when you say that, you're lying. I mean, it's like, you're fine.
That means it's a lie. It's just kind of like the association now. It's a code word for being overwhelmed, sad, scared, jealous, or whatever the case may be. So just open up and say what you mean. You will feel better, and the person will appreciate your vulnerability.
Number four, whatever. This dismisses what the other person said and is a way to shut down the conversation. It doesn't feel good for either person and creates unnecessary tension. Remove it from your vocabulary just immediately.
Five. If you say so. Again, this is very dismissive of the other person's feelings, concerns, or opinions, making it sound like they're delusional for thinking that way.
Instead, you could ask them to clarify why they have that opinion and why it's important to them because people will have different life experiences than you do. People will have different perspectives, and you can't just blurt out if you say so and then end the conversation.
That leaves them in a horrible spot where they feel like whatever they have to say doesn't matter because you're not willing to listen.
Number six, you're just too sensitive. How many times have you heard that one? Be honest. Now, if you're going actually to do that to someone else and you're going on the attack, It's a natural human response that someone will feel hurt, and it's not on them to be less sensitive. It's on you to be more kind.
You can't just punch someone in the face and then complain that they are bleeding. And chances are that if you have to say you're just too sensitive, it is because you said something that hurt them, and you don't like their reaction, right? So, try to be more empathetic and get to the cause of why they are in pain.
Why are they so sad? What is it about what you said, or did that hurt them? That made them quote-unquote sensitive. All right, so these are the six passive-aggressive phrases.
I'm going to link the article that inspired me to talk about these and elaborate on them. Um, but these are definitely things that we need to pay more attention to in conversations.
I am definitely guilty of saying many of these, especially to people I'm close to and feel comfortable with. These are not things that you would normally say to a stranger or at work, but more so to the people that you're closest to, which is even worse, I guess, in a way, because you are passive-aggressive and shutting down conversations with those who love you and are open with you and wants to have that connection with you.
So, if you find yourself passively aggressive, try to see why and what triggered you because your reaction should tell you more about the situation than what someone said. So that's always something that I have in the back of my mind.
All right, that's it for today's conversation and tip, I guess, on navigating social anxiety practically.
