Hey guys, it's your favorite sisters with the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast. On the show, you'll hear caregivers confessing the good, the bad, and the completely unexpected. You're guaranteed to relate the inspired leave with helpful tips and resources and of course, laugh. Now, let's get to today's confession. I can remember I totally relate to the whole, get in the car and drive when I would feel stressed as young as as a teenager, things that were stressful, whatever. And Emily, my younger sister, who of course not on here, right now, unfortunately, we used to go to the dam, which is north dam, which is right below our house, and we would drive around, we'd listen to music, I'd listen to music way too loud. My dad was right. You'll be deaf by the time you're 40 If you keep listening to the radio so loud, and you'll bust your speakers and both things have happened. So I did you know that static in the speakers, I'm like, Hey, what's wrong with my speakers, you listen your radio do loud. But we definitely would go drive around windows down. And then we go hang out at the at the dam together. It's why we're all close it and we just talk and
JJ:
did that. I think she told us that Todd, that was really funny. Because you know, our parents married really young. And when she just needed to get out and do something. I remember riding around in her car, and she would play that's why I think we know all these old we know these really old like Steve Winwood like all this stuff. I mean, she would play this music and we just drive with the windows down the sunroof open and the wind. And that's what we did. I remember being young and doing that. So
Natalie:
I'm glad that you said that, because I didn't remember that. But it makes perfect sense. Because we all three do it. Yeah, yeah.
Unknown:
I love that. I mean, my my parents married young as well, they my Dad, let's see. The dad had just turned 23. And my mom was a week shy of her 21st birthday when I was. So yeah, they were young. So they used to my dad was a workaholic. He worked all the time and grateful, you know, provided a nice light for us. And yeah, my mom eventually went back to school. And to become an interior designer. Yeah, but she used to maybe that's what I'm trying to think of. She enjoyed driving to you're just talking about that JJ. And I remember where my love of car came from, probably from my uncle because he loved cars. And so, yeah, it's just a curse, a great feeling. I thought it was. Well,
Natalie:
and I thought it was so interesting, because you mentioned at the beginning in your in your caregiver story. You don't mention being a caregiver aid being a caregiving youth.
Unknown:
No. And that is Yeah, I know. I don't I and that's certainly in part where it comes from was from my uncle. And I don't Yeah, I just don't talk about it that much. I mean, he lived with us for a year and I you know, i we i lived in the attic with my sister. So
Natalie:
basically you are the flowers in the attic. Children. I get it. It's fine. BPs couldn't die, you can die.
Unknown:
But you know, a nine year old, helping change a colostomy bag is not something that's fairly typical. Yeah, that's
Natalie:
not normal childhood development. I'm gonna tell you,
Unknown:
and it's like, Oh, yeah.
Natalie:
Do you think that's why your dad? I'm sorry. Jay had just talked over you. But do you think that's why your dad chose not to go with the remove everything and have a bag? God? You know,
Unknown:
it's such a great question. And I have to say, I have never thought about that. True. Never.
Natalie:
I mean, lived with it. He saw how your uncle had to deal with it. I'm going
Unknown:
to ask him that today. Gosh. That's how I see. That's how busy I've been and coming back to the real world. Finally, hit me because you brought that up? No, that's a really good question. I'm gonna ask them. I'll get back to you on that. Yeah,
Natalie:
that's interesting. I
JJ:
love that. That that was his choice, though. Todd, like, and maybe it is just the age and he was like, I don't want to live like that. But that'd be an his choice. Even when I hear about older people that have come into diseases like that, that are terminal and they just decide, I don't I don't want to go through chemo. I don't want to do that. I've lived a wonderful life. And that's just not what I want to do. And you have to that's a, I just respect that decision. Totally.
Unknown:
I mean, you look at the statistics when they're showing you those statistics. And I forget what they exactly were but there was a 2030 40% Like Dr. You're just gonna be different.
Natalie:
Yeah. So, um, I guess Okay, so you do have to tell because we promised everybody you tell the Kermit story. Unless you go.
Unknown:
Oh, do I have to go? Right?
Natalie:
I know. We're just gonna stay out here all day. We're like, that's fine. We were like this the longest after show I've ever
JJ:
can somebody bring a snack? I
Unknown:
know, right? I'll find a lighter somewhere. I don't smoke, but I'll find a lighter somewhere like encore encore? Yeah,
Natalie:
no, right here. We just use our cell phones. Right? They do with cell phones? Yeah. Like I'm like, whatever. Yeah,
JJ:
I'm still using a lighter, Todd. Sorry. Yeah.
Natalie:
Totally. Okay. So you got to tell the story. You got to tell the Kermit story, because this is funny.
Unknown:
All right. So this is back in the 90s. And I'm working for a company. Head of Sales and Marketing. For this company. We're working with the pharmaceutical industry. And we have our annual event. And I was getting I had to do a presentation, like most a lot of people in the company had to do different presentations on their topic. And so we're at this event, there's 1000 people in the audience and an hour before the my presentation. The CEO comes to me and says, We've got to change things up. I'm going to do your presentation, and you've got to do Tom's presentation. And so I there's two words that came out of my mouth to start, which was, excuse me. So like, What do you mean? Well, he's not doing well. He's not feeling well, you can't get up, you can't put them up in front of the audience that I so here's the presentation, go learn it, basically. And I said, I'll do that on one condition that I can do it my way. And he looked at me sort of like the dog behind you on your left, they're like he said, I guess he felt he didn't have a choice. Or he felt okay, I'll go along. He said it. Okay. So as long as you get the information out there and what needs to be communicated and you know, you're not doing anything just off the rails. So I said this one, so I did my best but how I did it was I get on the stage. And I'm introduced, and I get on. And the first words out of my mouth, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and so forth. I did in my Kermit the Frog voice. So the audience was Parkston but start laughing. And
Natalie:
what does it sound like again? I'm gonna do it. I'm so glad I can't hear you. Kermit
JJ:
the Frog here and we're here from Boynton Beach, Florida I think that says everything that says everything about Todd's very positive outlook, it was like this is gonna be awful. I don't know this topic. I'm gonna make some great stuff happen with this.
Natalie:
And and then everybody was forgiving. Everyone was like, alright, well, this is good. Yeah. A
Unknown:
lot of laughs and a lot of people, probably more people came up to me afterwards to talk than had I just done it's
Natalie:
you know, I do want to say this, that before we go, this is a part of our male caregivers story, and series. And what would you say to other guys out there? I probably should have asked this question in the past. But so what would you say to other men who are out there who have found themselves in the primary role that most people see as a female responsibility?
Unknown:
Yeah. Gosh, what would I say? You know, I'm not wanting to break genders apart. It's just a people are people we're all people, all female. So certainly male caregivers are not as many and not looked at as typically. They say, Oh, well, it's the daughter typically. But number one. Don't be ashamed of your role. I mean, if you're in that role, take it on and take it on with an open heart and an open mind and connect with certainly other male Kiger caregivers can help but don't exclusively do that. any caregiver, any advocate learn from all because we're all human beings and it's not about gender.
Natalie:
I love that. I love that a lot. Would you in the last one? This is the last one for real. Except for JJ, she might have won the you right now? What would you tell your younger self? To do differently? When you first started with your mom, is there anything that you would advise your younger self when you first the your, your first days of caregiving? Would you give yourself advice,
Unknown:
like give myself advice, but it still would have taken a long time to get to where the advice was, meaning my siblings will appreciate this. I've had a really hard time. Coming to terms with the fact that I was the primary, even though it's my choice, and I loved it, I wouldn't change a thing. But I had a really hard time for two, three years. Accepting that my siblings had their lives and that they couldn't be here. They lived elsewhere. And that was at the detriment of me more than anything, because it's toxic inside of me. Doesn't matter how they have their lives, they do what they need to do. I'm doing what I needed to do, because I wanted to be here. But I had the inside myself, I had this friction going on. And I don't know if it could have sped up. But had I had the wisdom earlier to move beyond that. I could have saved myself just some angst inside related to that.
Natalie:
That's a really good, thank you.
JJ:
Thank you for sharing that. But thank you also for sharing that moment when they when they called about your mom, Todd, first of all that that hit me really hard because I know we've gotten calls to terrible times with bomb when they've wanted to win we have at the moment when they came out and told me they were going to have to commit her because they didn't understand what Parkinson's psychosis was. And they put her in the back of a police car with a sheriff's deputy. They needed to handcuffed her. And I was like you can't do this. But you that kind of when you have those moments. And you you they're just raw and they're real. And thank you for sharing that because those are the hard parts that nobody understands and that we're all impacted by. And I really appreciate you saying that though, that it's just it is real. And you all we're all faced by it. It just it does. At some point it does come and it's okay, that we all are just, we're all impacted by it. And it's okay.
Unknown:
Yeah, absolutely. I'm so grateful that we did this together. It means a lot to me. I love you guys. You guys are great. And yeah, this is this is there's no question. This has been the most meaningful podcast and I've done a lot of them that I've done, and I really like Thank you. Oh, thank you.
JJ:
Thank you.
Unknown:
We love you back. Okay, now the tissues.
JJ:
will let chocolate go with the China. Thank you. Thanks, Todd.
Natalie:
We will we will catch up with you soon. Sounds great.
Unknown:
Have a great day. All right.
Natalie:
Well, friends, that's a wrap on this week's confession. Again, thank you so much for listening. But before you go, please take a moment to leave us a review and tell your friends about the confessions podcast. Don't forget to visit our website to sign up for our newsletter. You'll also find the video recording of all of our episodes on the confessions website and our YouTube channel. Don't worry, all the details are included in the show notes below. We'll see you next Tuesday when we come together to confess again, till then take care of you. Okay, let's talk disclaimers. You may be surprised to find out but we are not medical professionals and are not providing any medical advice. If you have any medical questions, we recommend that you talk with a medical professional of your choice. As always, my sisters and I at Confessions of a reluctant caregiver have taken care in selecting the speakers, but the opinions of our speakers are theirs alone. The views and opinions stated in this podcast are solely those of the contributors and not necessarily those of our distributors, or hosting company. This podcast is copyrighted and no part can be reproduced without the express written consent of the sisterhood of care LLC Thank you for listening to The Confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast