Bridging Gaps in Care: Ali Ahmadi's Caregiver Revolution

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Ali Ahmadi's caregiving journey began unexpectedly when his mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma cancer over seven years ago. As a former Navy aviator and aerospace engineer, Ali prided himself on navigating difficult situations. However, nothing could have prepared him for the challenges of caring for his ill mother-in-law while balancing work and family responsibilities. Ali and his wife decided to bring her into their home without hesitation. Still, they soon found themselves overwhelmed trying to manage her complex medical needs and navigate the healthcare system alone.

At his wit's end, Ali was introduced to the TCARE protocol. Developed by researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, TCARE helped Ali and his family better understand the emotional toll of caregiving through clinical assessments. To Ali's surprise, the recommended care plan focused on marriage counseling rather than just medical support. This unexpected recommendation opened Ali's eyes to how caregiving impacted every aspect of his life. Through TCARE, Ali also discovered local resources he didn't know existed, like free family counseling. Inspired by the difference TCARE made, Ali developed the program into the caregiver support platform it is today.

Now, Ali dedicates his career to helping other caregivers avoid burnout through TCARE's individualized support plans and focus on preventing emotional hardships. Driven by his caregiving experiences and commitment to family, Ali continues working tirelessly to validate caregivers' challenges and connect them with the resources needed to care for their loved ones without sacrificing their well-being.

About Ali:

Ali Ahmadi is a veteran of three venture-backed tech startups, having raised over $100 million in funding. A former U.S. Naval Aviator, he holds an M.S. and B.S. in Aerospace Engineering from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University and an Executive MBA from Washington University in St. Louis. Ahmadi has vast experience in the Software-as-a-Service (SaaS) industry and has developed strategic partnerships with Fortune 100 companies, including Microsoft, RGA, PwC, SAP, Salesforce, McKinsey, and Aflac.

Currently, he serves as the CEO and Co-Founder of TCARE, a company that provides a CMS-approved platform aimed at reducing family caregiver burnout and delaying nursing home placement through predictive analytics. TCARE has formed signif

Transcript

Natalie: 0:02

Hey everyone. Welcome to The Confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast. We're happy you're here. On the podcast, we're certain that you'll relate to the caregiver stories and find comfort with your honorary sisters. Now, before we start, I want to remind you to go to our website, Confessions of a reluctant caregiver.com and sign up for our newsletter. It's full of useful information that you can immediately use. Now, let's learn more about today's guest. Hello, JJ. Well, hello,

Unknown: 0:37

Natalie, you know,

Natalie: 0:39

it's not very common that we record in the afternoon. And I don't want to say that we only do it for people we especially like, but

JJ: 0:48

Well, I think I might have put in a special call and said can we do this afternoon so Natalie can't sing? Oh,

Natalie: 0:56

that's really hurtful. I mean, I'm glad to see Ali, our wonderful guest doesn't know that I sing on the podcasts because no record early morning, but I will hold off on singing although I might hum a little

JJ: 1:10

ballet, you are so blessed. That's all I could say. Because she always always saying so. We're moving on. I'm going to introduce our guests. Very excited. Okay, so we always say for this series because Ali is part of our male caregivers series. We have a boy on today but because most caregivers are female, so we have another male caregiver today and his story is fantastic. So we are happy today to have with us. Ali Ahmadi. His caregiving journey started, he says years ago, when his mother in law was diagnosed with a serious illness. He and his wife didn't think twice when they brought her into their home. But they weren't quite prepared for what the issues were going to be. They thought just moving her closer to vital resources and services was going to fix everything. So Ali says the stress and new obligations quickly started to take a toll. But he found something that changed everything. And today he's here to tell his story, and how a protocol called t care changed his and his family's life. Ali, we are so happy to have you here with us today.

Natalie: 2:19

Ali, yeah, we are here. We are super happy to have you with us. And so I think normally where we start and JJ always laughs at me because I'm like, Okay, start from the beginning. You were born, and then push all the way up. But don't do that. Give us a little bit of background about you, your wife, kind of your family, give us a little bit of background. And let us know what gives a little bit background.

Unknown: 2:47

Yeah, so thank you, everyone. Having my background started out when I joined the US Navy and was flying as a aviator for several years. And, you know, life was challenging, right after 911 When there was a lot of deployments and my wife got married, and had a pretty happy life background aerospace engineer, trained by the greatest organization in the world, the US Navy to navigate extremely difficult situations in my life and make a split second decisions. And, and our world was turned upside down. When we found out my mother in law was diagnosed with stage four lymphoma cancer. And we essentially became what is now known as caregiving, which at the time, caregivers which at the time, we had no idea what it meant. So

Natalie: 3:57

how old were you guys then, like how far into your marriage like give me a little bit more detail. Like I feel like I'm talking to Jason a little Jason's like, here's the basic details now that I'm like know, a little further into it all a little more, a little bit more women?

Unknown: 4:10

Yes. Married 18 years, when we found out about my mother in law we was we were 11 years into our marriage. Just had a new baby. Our firstborn. Okay. took us a while. And at the time, Ethan, our firstborn was two years old. Did

JJ: 4:35

your mother in law was she close to you all where she lived at the time or did you move her from far away? Was she close?

Unknown: 4:42

No. She was living in Miami at the time and she moved to St. Louis, Missouri with us. You

JJ: 4:49

said in your biography. You said you didn't have a hesitation. It was just kind of a of course she's coming to stay with us. Is that just something you and your wife had at some point discussed or Is that just because family? Is that important? You just said, there's no question. Of course, she's coming to be with us. Yeah.

Unknown: 5:05

I mean, I grew up in a family that I was born and raised in New York City and grew up in a family that we had a lot of family members surrounding us and everywhere, but had amazing relationship with my mother in law. And it's the only parent My wife has known. Yeah, she's, she lost her dad when she was a toddler. And so, our mom has been a pillar in her world, and, and was in ours as well. And very much supportive of all the direction, life that we've gone. And so when we found out about the news, it was it was a it was a not even a split second decision. It was like, she's coming here, we're taking care of her, we will find the best care. And you know, having a two year old at the house, along with taking care of a cancer patient, relative, it's, it was we didn't even know what the term sandwich generation was, was was at the time, but it was just learning that it was interesting. Yeah.

Natalie: 6:19

So were you still in the military at the time? No,

Unknown: 6:23

no, I was actually, at the time going through business school at Washington University in St. Louis, getting my MBA, and working a full time I was a nuclear energy, nuclear engineer for Siemens, Siemens energy, and doing a lot of international nuclear projects. I was traveling a lot internationally and doing consulting work at the time on site. So with that, I asked the time my employer Siemens to transition my role to more office based rather than field based so that I could be there at home with my, with the family.

Natalie: 7:07

Go ahead. Yeah. Well,

JJ: 7:08

there's a first curiosity here. Siemens is a incredibly large company. At that time, Ali, was there any type of Caregiver Program? Or did they did you even mention that this was so you could help care for your brother in law? Or is this just, I'm gonna need a little extra

Natalie: 7:23

time. What's your supervisor in HR say? Yeah,

Unknown: 7:26

ya know, the term thing wasn't wasn't even known at the time. No. Yeah. Global Fortune 100. Company. And no, at the time, there was no, there was childcare, right back your support, but no caregiver support. And to my knowledge, still, I don't think there is.

Natalie: 7:51

Let me ask you this, because you said you asked for basically respect, respectfully, a desk job, like get me somewhere where I can be home. Even I'm still willing to work my 90 hours a week, I've just able to go home at night to sleep there I supposed to sleep elsewhere. And so what did your supervisor Did you? Well, what did your supervisor say? And did you take a pay cut,

Unknown: 8:13

I did take a pay cut. I was no longer doing field work or international pay, or I transitioned from a union engineer to a desk job near and lost a lot of benefits lost a lot of pay. But it didn't last long. Three months in having the challenges that we had gone through three months in, I knew I had to start something different and help families that were going through similar situation.

JJ: 8:45

You know, you had said that you thought that just getting her closer to the resources, and maybe the the resources, the health care that she needed would be, that would be it. That would be plenty. But what you found out was that you actually needed to be at the house because that's where the care was all a that's where you really needed the help. Is that what you and your wife found? Was your wife there a lot more than what you anticipated? Both of you.

Unknown: 9:10

Yeah. So a couple of weeks into the diagnosis. We I was telling a friend of mine how much challenge we were going through. And he suggested that I meet with his mom, which was a for 30 years. She's been a sociologist, gerontologist researcher at University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee, he said that his mom had created this clinical protocol on how to help caregivers in their journey. And so, very reluctantly, I was like, All right, sure. At that time, I will take any help. I'm just grasping at the walls. I'll take any help we can and got introduced to the research team at the University and They put us through this clinical protocol known as tailored care, which is now known as t care that would measure stress and depression in caregivers. And then that would measure the emotional and mental impact of caregiving. And then along with the assessment of the care for mom, it would through different decision logic, it would make some recommendation and suggestions. So we went, my wife and I both went through the protocol. And at the time, what we thought we needed in our caregiving journey was, we needed homecare, we needed adult daycare, some services, some cancer and cancer, education. That's what we thought we, when we went through this protocol, essentially, what the suggestion in our care plan that came out was in your support plan, you guys need marriage counseling. And it was a little odd to us, because I was like, this is going to give us recommendation for my mother. Her care, but it ended up opening up the eyes of it is part of mother in law's care, that you to stay sane in your marriage, and have a stable household. And with the challenges that are ongoing, you need to solidify that. And so not only identified that, but it identified three blocks away from our house, the local church that Saturday morning does free family counseling sessions made that referral into that. So not only it allowed us to understand where we are in our journey, it made us realize a resource that we didn't even know we needed, or didn't even think about. And then it actually connected us to that free local resource. But what was interesting is, and one of the biggest areas of how it helped us this clinical protocol is anchored on a theory known as the identity discrepancy theory. This is the transition of identity when a son or a daughter starts transitioning into the identity of caregiver. Whereas in early stages of caregiving, I'm 90% son 10%, caregiver, towards later stages, I can become 90%, caregiver 10% Son, this identity shift that one goes through is what leads to a lot of the burnout factors and a lot of depression and stress among caregivers. And I never knew a lot about this, this theory until the first time I had to bathe my mother in law, how it wasn't the physical act, it was the emotional impact that that had, that you have to switch off being a son and turn yourself into caregiving mode. But then afterwards, once you've stopped compartmentalizing the emotion, the impact that that has, is what leads to that high burnout factor. And so I was just fascinated with this clinical protocol and the science behind how to quantify caregiver support and actually caregivers burnout, and then algorithmically how to bring scientific protocols based on 15 years of longitudinal data, how to actually identify root cause of Caregiver Support versus just the technical support.

Natalie: 13:57

Okay, I'm gonna pause this right there, because this is getting really close. But I'm gonna take a break just for a second, and then we're gonna come right back. Okay. I don't know about you. But my inbox is always cluttered with useless emails. But there's one I always open the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver newsletter. You may say, Natalie, what makes you so special? Well, I'm biased, but don't just take my word for it. Here's what our subscribers say they love first, it comes once per month, and you can read it in under five minutes. Next, you'll find amazing tips and resources to use in your everyday life. And who doesn't love a recommendation? The sisters do, which is why we share sister approved products and discount links to save you time and money. And of course, your first know about the upcoming months confessions. Just like our show, you're guaranteed to relate. Be inspired. Leave with helpful Will tips and resources and of course, clap. Go to our website Confessions of a reluctant caregiver.com to sign up for our newsletter today.

JJ: 15:13

Hey, everybody, we are back here with Ali Ahmadi. We're talking about the t care protocol. And we're in the analytics. I'm telling you we're talking about, I just, we're talking about compartmentalizing, we're talking about turning on a caregiver or turning off a son role. I, Natalie and I are intrigued, because this is what causes burnout. And I think that's what so many of us, male or female, need to realize, Ali, do you feel like if we can recognize that that's kind of the purpose so that we can we can eliminate it? I don't think all the time. But it helps us to lessen it.

Unknown: 15:51

Yeah, it's, it's it's, it's, it's not so much about lessening the impact. It's about coming to terms with it, coming to terms with the emotional impact, versus reducing it. It's understanding that when dad is asking the same question 10 times over and over and over and over and over again. It's not actually dead that's asking that it's the disease of dementia that's asking that question. And you're coming to terms with it. It's coming to terms with my wife and I are struggling in our marriage, because of the impact that she is struggling with the identity of being a wife, being a daughter and being a caregiver. So it's it's not so much about reducing the impact. It's understanding and coming to terms.

Natalie: 16:48

I can see that though I lay I mean, when you think about the mental health field, and I know we've strayed a little bit away from your story, but we'll get back there. But in thinking about understanding the why the hardest thing for me was to accept that I could be two roles at once that was non traditional roles. So it's it's normal to be wife and daughter or, you know, mother and daughter at the same time. And your wife at that point had four different titles because she was Mother, Wife, Daughter, caregiver. And so and if in She's putting on a hat as she's like a nonprofit at that moment like that, some people were like, Oh, I wear multiple hats. But it's the caregiver piece that I think that we're so unfamiliar with that we think that the roles that are within the caregiver kind of definition, are roles that occur within the other are tasks that are in the other roles definition. And so I think that's why most people don't see themselves as caregivers. Until I think after you've entered it, you don't go into it thinking oh, I'm going to be a your caregiver. Today, I'm going to switch my daughter hat.

Unknown: 17:59

Yeah, caregiving is known as the the hardest job that you never volunteered for or accepted, that you were never prepared for. Yeah. And it can be extremely challenging, but also rewarding, as well.

Natalie: 18:18

So I want to back up just a little. So your mother in law moves in with you? And what was your biggest kind of like, like your thinking, okay, my mother in law is gonna come in, I think there's probably some things that you're thinking automatically, we're going to help with doctor's appointments, we're going to help with this. What were some of the things that were unexpected that you can look back now and be like, dang, I didn't, I didn't realize I was gonna, I was gonna have to, or my wife was gonna have to do this, or my wife is away. A lot of things I hear is my attention. My wife's attention is not on me. And I'm not talking about just a husband, it could be a child. We've had children talk about feeling like, I lost. I didn't have the time I wanted with my mother because she was caring for her mother. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Unknown: 19:05

It was, it was a lot of unknowns. Because first when she first moved in, were like, alright, we'll get the care. We'll figure out the cancer, we'll figure out the treatment plan. And this will be all be done in a few months. That was seven years ago, by the way. And to this day, seven years ago, we were told she had six months. To this day, she's still with us living with us. Wow. And so but the journey just goes on and on. And a lot of the unknowns were less about the tactical care and more about bringing all the community based services and the social services and understanding and trying to navigate all the benefits or or mean The biggest challenge was how to navigate Medicaid and Medicare 100%.

Natalie: 20:06

Friend, quick 100% 110 on you there,

Unknown: 20:11

you know, I, I, I often say I was, you know, again, I'll repeat it. trained by the greatest organization in the world, the US Navy to navigate myself out of really difficult situations as an aviator, make split second decisions, troubleshoot on the spot on the fly, and figure out difficult challenging tasks. Never saw last until I had to navigate Medicare, Medicaid. And it was just such a spaghetti mess, designed to confuse by nature. And it just baffled me that I considered myself somebody smart. But I was the dumbest idiot that couldn't figure out how to navigate our healthcare, our healthcare system. And as advanced as we are in the 21st century century with all the AI tools, all the technology, all the algorithms out there, nothing was out there to help us.

Natalie: 21:22

And there that is, that's a really good way to put it. Because I know that JJ and I, we always laugh about how many degrees we have between us. And here's the worst part ally. I mean, with Jason, I worked in the healthcare industry. And I had a hard time navigating that and I'm like, I'm an executive, I know how to navigate I know all I know what expected expectations or treatment

Unknown: 21:50

or health care. And you're just.

Natalie: 21:55

And so I think I think that's so important to say, like, we have to make it easier. And you almost wonder if it does feel like the system is set up to reduce cost. I won't say see us fail, but to be cost conscious. And because there's the barriers, for sure. That will keep people from applying like somebody literally just said yesterday morning when we were recording with Paul, actually, he said hospice stopped. And when his mother was eligible again, for hospice, he could he decided that he didn't want to apply for it, because the paperwork and the administrative burden was too much. And he was like, I'll just deal with it. Like, that's a problem. Like, when you administratively burden people from, from doing it. And I think that's where, you know, even I think about what you're doing now with t care itself. And we're we'll get there, you're removing the barriers for caregivers to provide the best care to the people they they love.

Unknown: 23:01

Right? There are a lot of great organizations out there to help. There's a lot of, there's a lot of help out there. There's a lot of community based, faith based, nonprofit based, you name it organizations out there. But there's a single there's not a single centralized area to go look for help or even know where to look for.

JJ: 23:27

I think that's what we hear the most Salih? And is that people? If you don't ask the right questions, you won't get the answer. And I think that's where the frustration with so many falls, because there is help, you just don't know where to go get it.

Natalie: 23:42

So let me ask you this. You're you you come into this is very interesting that your your mother in law's is still with you. I mean, you've got these doctors in their infinite wisdom saying, well, your mother in law's got about six months. And in your mind, you're like, Whoa, that's because that's hard to process. But then there's also the back of your mind, you're like, well, we can you know, you can almost do I can do anything for a short window of time I do that when I'm working out and there's only like, 20 seconds left, and I'm like, I can hold that plank. And all I want to do is put money down. That's what I feel like some days were for caregiving for me. I'm like, I don't think there's going to be an end. I'll hold that plank, right? It's painful. It's uncomfortable. I don't like it. But I know I'm like, Oh, I'll be better for it at the end. What as as life keeps going on? How does the relationship evolve? I say this respectfully. Your mother in law keeps living. And she's still doing treatments and she can which is great. But she's still living with you. Is that correct? Is she still with you? Yes. Yes. And I like that you say absolutely. Because that feels so good. That feels really good. And

Unknown: 24:47

we've we've come we've come to terms in how to manage caregiving, how to manage distress, manage the treatment plans. It's It's not easy, but it takes a village does. And when you don't have a village surrounding you, it's how to bring those resources and support in place that we've, we've been blessed to find, as we started take care of years ago, it's just learning and learning about different resources that are in the community. I think it's

Natalie: 25:24

interesting when you do recognize yourself as a caregiver, and you start kind of identifying, like, you're like, Okay, I'm a caregiver, and you're like, Oh, check this out, and you start doing searches and you like, a little like, a little door opens, and it takes you down these like little rabbit law, these rabbit holes. And so you're like, oh, and it's very easy. I always we always JJ always say for goodness sake, don't go to the internet, because honestly, you'll get sucked in and hours later, and you still haven't found anything?

Unknown: 25:51

Well, just directs you to it becomes a just a non ending sort of, yeah. And

Natalie: 25:57

so so you and your wife are caring for your mother in law, would you say that you all are equal share as your wife taking the lead, and you're still trying to work and you're trying to manage and

Unknown: 26:10

I would say we are equal in in that regard. We have two boys, Ethan and Eli, eight year old and two year old. And we, we share our duties between, I would say, I'm more of a caregiver to mother in law, as she's more a mother to our two boys. But then it would switch between us.

Natalie: 26:39

That's interesting. And you've got boys. So your role modeling to your sons about caring for others, and that gender does not impact should not impact your ability to care.

Unknown: 26:51

I'm writing this down Natalie said bro, my

Natalie: 26:56

role modeling Ali is role modeling, bro model role modeling? Oh, I love that even better, bro. I'm jotting that down. Are

JJ: 27:07

you work? I mean, what you do is you work with caregivers. So do you see? We the reason we develop this series is because milk givers milk caregivers are really underrepresented. We feel like Do do you see that? In your business? Do you see different impacts with the burnout with ways that they can respond? What I mean, you're one I mean, obviously when somebody comes to you and says you need marriage counseling, I think is if I were even as a female, I'd be like, what? My marriage is fine. My mom's driving me crazy. So yeah. My mom's fault. It's my mom's fault. Exactly. Yeah, my ears is great.

Unknown: 27:44

Yeah, there is definitely differences in how both into tactical and emotional support. And I could give some stark differences. male caregivers tend to first jump into looking for resources as a more as a financial caregiver. Less on the emotional caregiving side. But when you start actually supporting them, specifically through our our identity discrepancy clinical model, what you realize is that male and female caregivers equally share the equally get impacted by the emotional impact of caregiving. They might be less prone to support or less fond of showing it externally. But the impact is, is the emotional impact is now in our second or third follow up, supports assessments that we do that every 45 days that we update our support plan, the caregiver support plan, typically every four or five days or unless we have an inbound, a I need a support, I need this. We work with a lot of employers out there bringing this to their workforce bringing family caregiver support to their workforce. And what we realize is there's definitely a gap between the expectation of if the condition becomes that stark that one has to become full time at home for caregiving. There's definitely a gap between is the male going to take time off of work to be at home or is the female taking time off regardless of the pay gap between them actually. So we see a lot more female employees going on FMLA leave than male. Again, non correlated to the pay difference or compensation difference, which has been interesting to see us do Other thing that we see is that's noteworthy to talk about his. There's a lot of misconceptions about different cultural norms when it comes to care. Whereas different cultures approach caregiving in many different ways of taking the village mom or dad, they are since when we are born, are conditioned that mom or dad will live with us in some cultures and others that are a little more independent. What we see in the 15 years of longitudinal data in over half a million caregivers that have been enrolled in t care. And this longitudinal data what it shows is, regardless of age, race, or religious affiliation, the emotional impact of caregiving is universal across all cultures. The tactical elements of caregiving can be different, but the emotional and psychosocial impact when we measure stress and depression among caregivers, is universal across all cultures, and all ages, and all religious affiliations. Okay,

Natalie: 31:11

I'm gonna stop you right there. Because I need to take one more break. I am completely leaned into my microphone right now I know. We'll be right back. Do you love to listen to podcast, so do we, and these sisters are excited to support our fellow sister in care Nicole will host of navigating the world with your aging loved one. As former guests ourselves. We'd love how Nicole explores the world of aging and care. Beyond the informative interviews, Nicole's gathered helpful resources and practical tools that encourage and give hope to caregivers, navigating the aging journey with their loved ones for a more meaningful and fulfilled life. You can find the call, wherever you download your favorite podcast or go to her website, www dot we'll gather.com.

JJ: 32:08

everybody we're here with Ali Ahmadi. And we're talking about the emotional impact on caregivers, that it does not matter any demographic. Male, female, I think we talked about ethnicity, that it doesn't matter. Yeah.

Unknown: 32:23

And I mean, we could show the data that talks about this, that tactical changes in different gender gaps are different. We've also measured this in our data in the LGBTQ community and see different patterns and trends, their t care, we have rollouts with also numerous native tribes. In the Older Americans Act, what's known as the title six programs on their donating when mom gets diagnosed with dementia, and starts having cognitive issues, regardless of what cultural background you come from, that impact that it has an identity discrepancy is transitioning between I'm a son or a daughter, to now a caregiver. We have not seen in our over half a million Dyads of datasets, any patterns, and the different technical support the different emotional support that are out there. So with that we brought numerous cultural adaptations, not just translations, but cultural, culturally adapted programs in how we educate, train and support family caregivers. Every family is different. Every family every caregiver is impacted differently. But 90% of the emotional impact is universal.

Natalie: 33:57

I think that's the thing for me, Ali is that it's why we talk about we don't just cover aging population, it's chronic complex disability, and I would include mental health and substance use disorder because those individuals, your your folks with serious mental illness. These folks also have caregivers, most people have people who love them. Right. And that while the reason for care is different from person to person. There is a common thread that goes across and I think you're right about the it's the emotional piece and I That's why I said reluctant caregiver. There's a reason we named it, Confessions of a reluctant caregiver. The reluctance is not because I didn't want to crawl under the stall to get my mom out of the nastiest Walmart in North Carolina. It was a bit it was It wasn't that I didn't want to but it was just all the emotions and feelings and thoughts that I would have that have I'm not Good enough, I'm failing my mom all the baggage that you bring that you have in your past experiences that you bring alongside of you with that person, and that that person could innovate in and inadvertently trigger you. And you that's when you see outburst. That's when you see you get to this burnout. And I think you guys really tried to address that caregiver burnout, to, to do really preventative things through service provision and recommendations and things like that. Tell us more about tell us more around that I just as this thing is so interesting that you guys are seeing you've got data to validate what everybody believes, yes.

Unknown: 35:43

But data does not lie. It tells us a story. It tells us a narrative. It's, it's it's amazing to see not just in the diversity of caregivers, but the diversity in the type of caregivers. For example, when we rolled out with 40 care with the caregivers of the aging population, we knew our protocols, we had our algorithms, we we got a specific organization that said they also want us to create the module for caregivers of special needs children, not just aging parents, the IDD population, the intellectually developmentally disabled, to ID population. And so we started working with caregivers that were parents of special needs children. And then we expanded beyond that we had one large enterprise insurance company that carried risk on foster children's health. And so through them, we created the actual module for preventing the burnout of foster parents, which actually that identity discrepancy is even a lot higher when it comes to that population. And then, we partnered with an organization called Dav Disabled American Veterans, and specifically rolled out to their 1.2 million membership, the 1.2 million membership based of Dav have family members that are taking care of veterans. And it doesn't have to be disabled veterans, any veteran, whether the caregiver is a veteran or the care recipient is a veteran doesn't matter. Their families are eligible for this. And and it's just been very, very interesting to see the different diverse impact that we are delivering. While the clinical model of the identity discrepancy that secret sauce behind what we do has stayed constant.

Natalie: 37:52

I have a problem, Jay. Yes, we're close to the end. And I'm like, why? No, there's so much more. This has been this isn't. This is different from our normal, I'm going to tell you I'll lay this is different than our normal conversation. I think this is really important because it validates it, what I keep hearing is like one, it happened to me. And I thought, I've got to do something, you took your skill set. And then you took this, this, you took take care, and you've made it into this huge thing to support caregivers, and given and really helping caregivers identify proactively the things that they need support with, but even the things that we don't even know we need. And so I think we're gonna have more information about t care and all the links and that sort of thing. So folks can have it. But it's, it's time for Sister questions, Jay.

JJ: 38:48

I am ready. I think first of all, it's not really an accolade. But Ali there, I always say there are things that I learn. And there's something that we talked about earlier, which my question was about eliminating my burnout. And you said it's not about eliminating, it's just about accepting, not so much the burnout, but the work that I'm doing, just accepting that I never looked at it that way. I always and it's been years, but I'm always like, no I can I can do more, and I will feel better. I never thought about just saying this good. Just just accept the situation. And let's go forward. So thank you for that. I guess my a big question for me is I know there are a lot of people that are going to hear I love how focused. I feel like take areas on identifying and working on prevention. But if I'm someone out there, and I know we'll have all the links, just tell me something that I could do to learn more about take care other than it. Is it open to the public? Tell me about that or how someone could inquire about getting this one.

Unknown: 39:50

If you are a military veteran or taking care of a military veteran or have a veteran in your household, you're 100% eligible for free to enroll in To awesome, just go on dav.org or on a t care.ai website and put your contact in. And we'll take it, we'll take the rest. Now, others, you can ask your employer, if they are offering a caregiver support program, not have the appropriate person or yourself, go on t care T C ar e.ai t care.ai. And fill out our contact form. And we'll get in touch with your employer or can see if we can offer support. The other aspect is, if you are on Medicare, if you're the person you are taking care of your loved one is on Medicaid. We are currently in have a footprint in 47 states. So most likely, we will be able to help you. And so just go on tcaa.tc A R e.ai t care but AI and fill out the contact us form and we'll see if we can help you. If not go to your employer and say you definitely need t care. Well,

Natalie: 41:19

I totally agree because I think I think if you're especially if you're employed, and you're not a stay at home, and you're a full time caregiver that way, as an as a person who was employed while caregiving still is but really hot and heavy. Like Jason was hot and heavy in the middle of his chemo and everything. I found work to be a beautiful distraction to give me an element of normalcy and the illusion of control during a period that I had no control. I think that's the biggest thing is work allows me to be like I can control this. I'm good at this. I'm winning. And and so I think that's so important. So my question is a little bit more different. My question is because I know how much you work we have met we met last year and and now the whole military thing it totally all makes sense to me only. Like I see it I'm like all I can think of his top gun now and you're gonna have to get past that for me. I can't like I'm like Danna, you

JJ: 42:22

said talking I was thinking that as well. Like Tom, I started

Natalie: 42:25

immediately singing that song in my head.

Unknown: 42:29

A couple of more pizzas in my belly, not as good looking.

JJ: 42:33

But even Tom Cruise can't do Medicaid. So I'm gonna tell you right now, Ollie can't do it.

Unknown: 42:38

I'm close to not figure out how to navigate.

Natalie: 42:42

That's going to be in our rails Tom Cruise, we know your your is in trouble as we are. But I know that you are working full time you are caring for your wife, your sons, your mother in law, all the people because these are your employees. So they might as well be family to your caring for a whole lot of people and then those you serve. What do you do just for yourself? What do you do? What's your guilty pleasure? What do you do just for you?

Unknown: 43:13

Oh, there's episodic and then there's there's consistent. I hit my midlife crisis point this past May and went to Nepal and had to hike Everest. And so on one of that one of my areas of disconnecting my wife was absolutely supportive. I go on a lot of hikes. And I constantly had to challenge myself summited Everest, in fact, this past May. But that's more episodic. As far as consistent. I'm a runner, I love running. And my my way of disconnecting and shutting it off. Is is running and spending some time with my my voice I love that. Those are the times where when I'm with my boys are running is my only time that I'm able to truly shut it off.

Natalie: 44:11

I love that. I'm so glad we're friends only even if you're like you have no free will. I'm like, you don't have any free will. I'm your friend and Joe's and so

JJ: 44:21

thank you so much. Oh, you kidding mention that, and I am a statistical numbers person. So I love that you're like No, this is not like just hearsay. It's not about just all these random reports. These are facts. And I love that. So if you're a caregiver out there, don't think that it's just in your head. These are actually facts.

Unknown: 44:41

If you want to learn if you want to nerd out on numbers, we could do this. Thank you all seen how on average we delay or divert nursing home placement by 21 months and enabling aging at home by 21 months. We've seen that when families have to They spend money out of their pocket prior to eligibility for other services, especially female caregivers 42% of their retirement savings 401 K or other savings are drained because of taking care of aging parents 14% reduction in Family Medical Leave Act FMLA in the employers that we are serving, and so we could go on and on now in, in mourning out about numbers. But it's amazing that when you bring preventative support to family caregivers, how it impacts both the caregivers health and care recipients, the patient's health as well. And the return on investment, the ROI does not know.

Natalie: 45:45

That's right. And there's some things that you can't even measure, which is the personal debt, you know what I mean? There's some things that are so even better than the numbers because those numbers are very impactful. And, you know, and again, I know, I just want to thank you for coming on sharing your story. I am, I am so happy that your mother in law's still with you. And that she's like, Yeah, let's let's I'm gonna I'm not done yet. And that the supportive? Yeah, exactly. She had

Unknown: 46:16

was a fighter. Every time I think I don't have the will or I get demotivated or anything. I look at her and I'm just fascinated by her fighting stuff.

Natalie: 46:27

I love that. Well, guys, thanks so much for listening in. And we will catch you next Tuesday when we confess again. Bye bye. Thank you. Well, friends, that's a wrap on this week's confession. Again, thank you so much for listening. But before you go, please take a moment to leave us a review and tell your friends about the confessions podcast. Don't forget to visit our website to sign up for our newsletter. You'll also find the video recording of all of our episodes on the confessions website and our YouTube channel. Don't worry, all the details are included in the show notes below. We'll see you next Tuesday when we come together to confess again, till then take care of you. Okay, let's talk disclaimers. You may be surprised to find out, but we are not medical professionals and are not providing any medical advice. If you have any medical questions, we recommend that you talk with a medical professional of your choice. As always, my sisters and I at Confessions of a reluctant caregiver have taken care in selecting the speakers, but the opinions of our speakers are theirs alone. The views and opinions stated in this podcast are solely those of the contributors and not necessarily those of our distributors, or hosting company. This podcast is copyrighted and no part can be reproduced without the expressed written consent of the sisterhood of care, LLC. Thank you for listening to The Confessions of a reluctant caregiver podcast.