Empty Nest Life: Why You Feel Lost (And Why That’s Totally Normal) #149

Feel lost after the kids leave? You're not alone. Today I share one shift that can change your empty nest experience.

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In this heartfelt episode of Encore Living, Dr. Thor unpacks a feeling many people experience but rarely talk about — that disorienting sense of loss after your kids leave home.

If you’ve ever said, “I should be enjoying this, but I just feel… off,” you’re not alone. This episode offers validation, perspective, and a gentle path forward.

It’s not a midlife crisis — it’s a midlife recalibration. And it’s 100% normal.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why the empty nest often triggers identity confusion (even when you were “ready”)
• The unexpected emotional wave that follows years of parenting
• How to honor your feelings without rushing to “fix” them
• Why feeling lost can be the starting point for your greatest chapter
• A simple mindset shift to help you start living with more clarity and confidence

You can find me here:

Dr. Thor on Instagram @drthor.tv
Dr. Thor on TikTok @drthor.tv

Website: https://drthor.tv/

Transcript

If you're an empty nester and you feel like life suddenly has no clear direction, no plan, no next step, if you feel like your days are strangely quiet or even kind of empty, if you find yourself wondering, What am I supposed to do now? Why do I feel so lost? Why is this season of life harder than I thought it would be. Today's episode is for you, because here's the thing, no one tells you about this chapter of life for most of your life, the story was written for you by someone else, by teachers, by parents, by schedules, by roles and responsibilities. But then one day that story ends, and nobody really teaches us how to live when the map runs out. In this episode, I'm going to tell you why life feels this way right now. I'm going to show you the pattern that brought you here and the three big reasons why you might be feeling lost. And most importantly, I'll share one simple thing you can do today to begin writing your next chapter, welcome to encore living. You spent years being an awesome parent. You were so good you could have won an Academy Award for Best Supporting parent. Cut to present day, kids are grown, the script is gone, and you're thinking, what's this part I'm playing now? Yeah, I get that. I had a 20 year career as a writer in Hollywood. All the while I was the stay at home dad who did it all, carpool, homework, soccer coach, Girl Scout leader. Then one day, my daughter left for college, and for me, it felt like the screen went dark, like my life got canceled mid season. That's when it hit me, life wasn't over. I was just in between seasons. Now I'm a published author, TEDx speaker and a new thought minister. I'm an OG fan of the original Superman movie. Can't pass up a good mock sale. And yeah, I'm the dad who ran a Girl Scout troop for 13 years. So I'm kind of an easy mark at cookie season. Every week, I'll share fun, inspiring and practical strategies to help you start over straight from someone who's been there. Welcome to encore living. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good wherever you are. Welcome to everyone in the Encore living community. I'm Dr Thor, and I'm really happy you're here today. In today's episode, I'm gonna explain how I think life got to be this way and and let me start by setting the stage for where I think you might be based on where I know I was when my daughter first went off to college that first year, I would say probably more, but for sure, that first year was really tough for me, and at the time, I didn't have a sense of why. I just thought there was something wrong with me, like I would look around and see other people who seemed like they were doing better, other people who seemed like they were coping with it way better than I was. Side note, they probably weren't. They were just covering in ways that I didn't know how to do, and so I just felt like, what's wrong with me? Like I got to this point in life and and I had been fairly motivated through my life to get things done, to accomplish things, and I get to this stage and I'm like, What am I supposed to do now? And this is something I think a lot of empty nester parents can feel the sense of loneliness, where you're at midlife and you're kind of confused, like, all right, I did that thing. I raised a family, I raised kids, I got them out into the world, and now what am I supposed to do? And so you can feel stuck, like, somehow you're not doing life right, like you look around and and it seems like everyone else has it figured out, and you don't. You're wondering, why do I feel this way? Why am I sad? Why do I feel like I don't know what I'm supposed to do? And you just feel like you're in this part of life that no one ever prepared you for. And so today, I'm going to share with you why I think that happens. I'm going to tell you a story from my own life, kind of my empty nester parent origin story, and I'm going to give you a new way to think about your future. So my story in becoming an empty nester parent, I had a summer where we knew we were going to drop our daughter off at college. She was going to be several 1000 miles away from us, and we had planned this drop off day, and for me, I kind of emotionally had prepared myself for thinking we are going to have more time with her than we really did. I knew that we were going to move her in, I think it was like on a Friday or Saturday. And we did that. We got her moved in. She wasn't feeling great. So, you know, she probably was suffering from nerves, from a little bit of anxiousness about it, like we all would right something new in our life. And so that even more, brought up my sort of protective essence of a parent, where I. To make sure everything was okay for her, and so that Saturday, we get her moved in. I'm, I know that like Sunday, we're gonna officially move her in where, okay, she's not gonna be spending the night with us in the hotel anymore. The next day is sort of a day where we'll, we'll drop her off. But then I was thinking, all right, well, we'll see her for dinner. That's what I thought was going to happen. And then what really happened was somewhere midday on Sunday, we were in the student union, and we kind of had gone off to get something to drink, came back, and I thought, all right, well, we're going to, you know, plan to see her that night. And what she instead said was, I want to go, like, hang out with my new roommates and spend some time with them, and I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow. For me, that was really challenging, because I thought we were going to still have more time with her, and this is where it really sort of hit me like, Oh, this is what it's going to feel like. And so I'm in the student union, can't really get emotional and that experience can't really let out all the feelings that I had in that moment. And so in that moment, I had to say goodbye, and we went one way, she went another, and we did see her again the next day, but only briefly. And that was, that was the day that we said goodbye. And what happened next was we were on campus, and we needed to get to the metro station to get back into town. We got on the campus bus where we were going to go back to the Metro it was going to take us there. And I remember sitting on that bus this, this whole experience was so vivid to me, sitting on that bus, looking around at the mix of students and and faculty and just people that were on the campus bus, and I remember feeling just like that's probably the saddest moment I've ever been in my life, the most upset I've ever been, most empty that I've ever felt like I just didn't know what I was gonna do next, and I was next to my wife. I don't really think this impacted her in the same way that it did me, it was a horrible feeling. Honestly, I felt lost and just sort of empty and without a purpose, like the purpose that we had had. And if you've prepared to get your kids ready to move in to the dorm, you probably know what it's like that summer where you're doing all this shopping, all this planning, like your skills as a parent really come into play that last summer, because you are really helping them get everything done. You're probably making multiple trips to target, you're you're getting all the things assembled. So you feel really useful in that moment, and then suddenly there's no need for that skill anymore, at least not in the same way. And that was what I was feeling that day on the bus, just lost and empty and alone. So that was me on the bus after being a parent for 18 years, raising a kid who is now out in the world, and I'm thinking, How did I get here? If you're feeling any of this now, if this episode so far feels like I'm talking directly to you, this is why I started encore living insider, to remind you that this next chapter of your life, it's yours to write, and you don't have to do it alone. Every week, I'll send you a short email with ideas and inspiration to help you move forward with purpose. Sometimes it's going to be a takeaway from a book I'm reading, something that made me stop and think. Other times it's going to be an honest look at an experiment I'm trying in my own life. What's working, what's not. I'll also share progress on a big dream I'm working toward, and I'll include a little affirmation or energetic prayer to help you stay centered. If that sounds like something you'd enjoy, you can sign up. Go to insider.dr thor.tv or just tap the link in the show notes below to sign up. It's totally free, and I'd love to have you join me. So since that day on the bus, I've done a lot of work to understand why this season of life lands so hard for us. And here's what I've realized. You know, we've all been on this journey our entire lives, not just as parents, but a journey from the time we were little kids, there was always this clear path ahead of us. So if you think about when you were a kid, you had a clear path. You always knew, like you're in kindergarten, what's next for you, first grade, then second grade, then third grade. You're always there's something ahead of you that you always know is your path, and often

it's others who are writing that story for you. They're telling you what path it's, whether it's your parents or your teachers. So in childhood, there's always something ahead for you to do. There were clear rules, a clear plan, a schedule. It was all sort of laid out for you, and all you had to do was follow. Holloway. Then you get to early adulthood, and it continues. So if you go to college, if you head out on your own, there's a path you know that you have to get through school. You don't have to graduate. And then after that, you maybe, you know, meet friends, you start out in the world, you get your own place, you start relationships, maybe you get married soon, you have a house and and you're raising kids, you know? So during this whole time, there's always something ahead of you, where it's like, you know what the next thing in store for you is? There's always a path ahead of you, a purpose, until where we find ourselves now, where finally you get your kids out into the world, and that road just ends. I kind of think of it like you've been driving on this paved road your whole life, where someone paved the road for you. They put the stripes there, you knew, like, I just got to stay in this lane and keep driving down the road. Like you've got your hands on the wheel, get your foot on the gas, but it's a road that someone else paved, and then what happens is you reach a point where this road just ends, where the paved road stops, and what's ahead of you is just open land. I mean, you can go anywhere, you could do anything, but it's your choice and and that's a really challenging place. And so for a lot of us, that's where I think we are now. This has caused me to think about why we're here. I sort of see this is as a big in the big picture, that this is a life story, that there's a story, an overarching story, of how we got here. And I think there are three qualities that we can think of in this story, and the first is that this story was written by other people, meaning parents, teachers. Like I said, when you're in school, everyone's telling you what's the next thing you have to do. When you get out into the working world, you have bosses, you have a career, a job, they're telling you what to do. There's always like, something next for you that's figured out by others, or it might be the culture. So if you think about your life where everyone says, Okay, now you're at this point in life where you should do this thing, or now it's the point where you you get into relationships, or you get married, or you have kids, like there's always someone else telling you what to do. So your story up until now, has been written by other people. The second thing about this sort of overarching life story is that there was always a paved road. You know, the next steps were always clear. If you think about driving on a road, you know how you can sort of zone out, right? You see the road ahead, you're driving, but you're not actively thinking about, Oh, I gotta go this way or that way. Or you're not thinking about what your next path is. You're listening to music, you got your your radio on your Sirius XM, whatever it is, and you are driving and not having to think about it. The next steps are clear. Just stay on this road ahead until the navigation system tells you what you have to do. I mean, there you think about it. Navigation System, right? It's telling you, take a left, take a right. It's all prescribed for you, and there's always this paved road. So the third thing that that's interesting about this sort of life story aspect is that your choices, the things that we get to choose always come from a pre approved menu, meaning that there's always like, Well, you go through grade school, then you go to college, and it's always this, this menu of what you can do. And you know, if you've got kids in college, there might have been a point where they would have thought, well, maybe I'll take a gap year, and you're like, Whoa. You know, maybe that's not on the pre approved menu, and you know that there's going to be judgment or a challenge with that. So if you think about your life, it's this story that's written by other people. There's always this paved road, and it's always the choices come from this pre approved menu. It's almost like, if you think about it, up to this point, your life has been like going to this restaurant where they bring the menu to you, and you can choose from the things in the menu, but it's a menu that other people created. You can choose, as long as you choose from those things on there. Nobody ever has told you up to this point that you could actually open your own restaurant and create your own menu. And if you think about like a deli restaurant where you have 1000 things on the menu, that's how life can feel to us now, where like it can feel overwhelming, but that is where we are now, where the menu that you get to write or what you want to do next is yours to choose, and so I think that's why a lot of us can feel lost at this point. It's not because there's something wrong, not because we're broken, but because, for the first time in our lives, we're actually the ones that are holding the pen where. We're the ones that get to write this story. I mean, this is your encore. That's why I call the podcast encore living, because this is the first point in life, maybe for a lot of us, where we actually get to be the ones to choose what's next. For us, we get to choose what that next chapter is, and the reason it can feel maybe a little bit of challenging right now is that it's unknown for us, and that's fine. That's why I'm I'm sharing this idea of our lives up till now have been written by someone else to show you that it's okay. It's natural to feel like what we're feeling right now, because we've never been in this place before. So if this sounds like what you're feeling, then I'm here to say it's natural and it's understandable that we're feeling this way. So if you're listening to this and you're thinking, okay, I get this, but I still don't know what I want the next chapter of my life to look like I can offer some help there. You might be a place where you're ready for a reset, but you're not sure what that looks like yet. Maybe you're an empty nester, or you're just someone who's sort of stuck in this same routine. That's why I created the Encore roadmap strategy sessions to help you get clarity and confidence about what might be next in your life. In this one on one session, we'll identify where you are, what you want, and map out your next step, not your next 10 years, 20 years, just your next step. So if this is interesting to you, go to Dr Thor TV forward slash road map, or check out the link in the show notes below to book a session with me today. So I told you at the beginning of the episode, I'd share one thing you can do today to begin taking control of your story. And here's what it is. I want you to do something this week just for you, something small, something that reminds you, you know what this is my life. I get to choose. It. Might be going to a movie alone, might be wandering through a bookstore or visiting a local bakery with a notebook, or just sitting quietly by the beach. In her book, The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron calls this an artist date, and it is the one non negotiable thing that you have to do every week is basically take yourself on a date. And it's not something that is for anything. It doesn't have a purpose other than it allows you to feel like you are choosing you. You get to do something that matters to you. And I think this is important for us, that we begin to exercise that muscle of who am I, what's important to me, and that you get to start making choices about who you are and what matters to you, because, honestly, this is how you begin to write that next chapter of your life, not, you know, by having it all figured out, but by taking one small step, going on a date with yourself. That says, You know what, I matter too. So I hope you'll do that this week. If you like this episode, please hit subscribe and write me a five star review on Apple podcast. And if you know another parent who would appreciate the show, I hope you'll share it with them. I'll see you next time. That's it for today's show. Until the next episode. Keep showing up, keep starting again, and if you like this episode, share it with a friend so we can all grow together. I'll see you next time you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai