Desire & Dependency (The Secret Recipe to Being UNSTOPPABLE)

Desire.... It polarizes people. Either you believe you give in to desire, because that is what it is there for; or you believe desire is to be resisted.

What if I told you there is another way. What if I told you that there is a secret power behind every desire that people are missing? Seeing this is THE KEY to unlocking our power as humans. It is also the key to freeing ourselves from the disempowering effects of dependency, while at the same time, enjoying life!!!

This episode is going to clear up a lot of mystery for you, so LISTEN UP!!!

Enjoy!

Transcript

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Welcome to the authentic life connection podcast. I'm your host, Seth Lusk. I'm a master certified life coach, author, personal trainer and nutrition specialist. For over a decade, I've been helping people with their dreams and goals for their life and health. I spent many years watching people get frustrated with their journey in life and giving up on taking actions towards their goals. So I dug in deep to find answers to why so many of us face this same frustration and struggle in life. So in this podcast, we're gonna dive in deep on topics surrounding what it means to consistently live a fulfilling and authentic life, where you are unstoppable and taking action towards your dreams and goals. So the only question is, are you ready to start living your most authentic and fulfilling life once and for all? Then let's get started. Shall we? Hey, everyone, welcome back to the podcast. For those of you listening in for the first time, welcome, welcome, you picked a great episode to join in on today, I'm going to talk with you all about something that I've noticed has led to a little bit of confusion and a lot of people's personal development journey. And I kind of want to clear up some of this misunderstanding that I'm seeing many people struggling with when it comes to this idea of dependency and sort of letting go of being attached to things. And, you know, following purpose. And I've talked about this many times before that, you know, we want to make sure that we are not dependent on people, or certain strategies, to be able to create feelings for ourselves, because that's our goal, pretty much everything that we're trying to do. Everything that we're doing, that we desire, is actually us trying to create a feeling that we want to feel. And I've talked with you all so many times about recognizing that we have the ability to create these feelings for ourselves. And that we don't actually need things, circumstances, specific things or circumstances, to create these feelings for us, and that it actually hurts us when we rely on these things, to create these feelings for us. And inevitably, what people who don't work with a coach and just listen to the podcast, or just read books about this, end up interpreting this as is that they need to get rid of these things that they're using to create these feelings in their life. And that's not really the goal here. And so I think it's really important for us to break down two concepts here and understand the difference between them. So that you can begin to see, number one, why it is important that we don't rely on specific strategies, things, circumstances to be able to create the feelings that we want. But at the same time, it's not a bad thing to want them or to use them. And this is this is kind of what I want you to understand here is that, when we're talking about not relying on these things, to create these feelings for us, the goal is not to not want them or to not use them. It's when we when we start to recognize that we've become dependent on them to create the feeling for us that it becomes problematic. And the reason why this becomes problematic for us is because any and all circumstances and things in life change and can be taken away. So we can look throughout history and see this played out over and over and over and over again, you know, forms of money forms of languages, different cultures, different systems, different, you know, resources that humanity has, you know, created social constructs around and became dependent on and then all of a sudden, a certain group of people might have recognized either this isn't serving us anymore and you know, tried to take away the system or alter the system or change the system or in some circumstances, you know, war comes in and you know, demolishes the the resources of a country and makes it impossible for that country to rely on a resource that they may have dependent upon before. You know, people being taken away from certain circumstances and not being able to rely on those circumstances anymore. situations are those resources anymore. History has basically shown us that anything and everything in this life and people included, can be taken away. Their temporary life and the physical aspects of life is temporary. It's designed to be temporary. And this is what I'm talking about when I say it's important for us to not be dependent on these things, to create the feelings for us. And this is where I really urge you all to recognize that these things are not what you actually want. And when we see these things as being what we actually want in these things as being what gives us these feelings, we become dependent on them to feel what we want to feel about life. And this becomes dangerous because we become disempowered, we become dependent on temporary things, to provide us with something that we're actually responsible for creating for ourselves. Now, the opposite extreme of this is to say, we're not allowed to feel those things about those things. And that's not that's not true, either. That's not the goal. The goal is not that, for instance, when we talk about communities, it's not that we can't feel certain ways within those communities and enjoy certain aspects of taking part in these communities. We can look at food, for instance, it's not that we can't enjoy food, or feel pleasure when we when we eat food, it's when we become dependent on those things for those feelings, that then things get out of balance, and we disempower ourselves, because we think that we're unable to experience those, those feelings that we feel when we're eating the food, or taking part in the community or doing whatever with the thing or having the thing that we disempower ourselves in recognizing that we're capable of creating that feeling for ourselves. And this is important, because at some point in time, either that thing could be taken away from us. Or the second thing that happens, especially in the area, when we talk about food, or when we talk about alcohol or substances that we consume, is that eventually, when we become too dependent on those things, to create a feeling for us, that we are not taking responsibility for to create for ourselves, then those those same things can start to have negative consequences in our life, such as when we drink too much alcohol, or eat too much food or take too much of anything consumed too much of anything, it can start to have negative effects in our life. But when we're dependent on it, to create a feeling for us that we desire, then we feel like we're out of our own control that we're unable to give up the thing. Because we don't even recognize that the reason we feel dependent on the thing is because we're depending on it to create a feeling for ourselves that we're capable of creating for ourselves. And this is why I urge you all to please, to please, please, please understand the purpose behind why you chase these things, and to free yourself from the dependency on them to create those feelings for you. It's not about saying, Oh, I will never enjoy eating food again. Because when I enjoy eating food, then I you know, be I gain weight and blow. It's not that it's not that enjoying these things is a problem. It's the dependency on them. That is the problem. And a lot of times what I see is that people go to one of two extremes. They see their desire for a thing as meaning Oh, well, I desire it. And therefore I need it to fulfill the desire. And this is what I'm here to show you all is that there is a difference between desire and dependency. And I strongly believe that our desires are always there to drive us to see the thing that is truly most important for us, which is the feeling that we want to create the value that we want to contribute to the world through that strategy, that circumstance, that thing that we are desiring, as the physical manifestation of that feeling that value that we're wanting to bring to the to the world around us, or to ourselves in our own life. And so what I want you all to begin seeing here is that when we look at our desires, we can go to one of two extremes we either see or desires as being something that is we just given to them because if we desire then that means we need it. We have to have it and if we can't have it, then oh my god, what are we going to do with our life and we become these dependent beings that are so disempowered, that we see the things that we desire as being in control of us and our happiness and our ability to enjoy life. Instead of seeing that the desire, the desire is actually trying to direct us to a feeling of value that we want to create in our life, and we can use the thing, as long as it is serving us to create the life that we want. And as long as that is available to us, without it creating an issue for us to create the life, we want to be able to access it. And this is where I see people getting confused and creating so much suffering for themselves is that when something no longer is available, or they don't have access to it, or to be able to access it, they would have to harm themselves, or their people around them, or derail their their plans for their life to be able to access it, they begin to freak out because they're dependent on the thing to create that feeling for themselves that we're not, they're not taking responsibility for creating for themselves. And this is where being able to understand the difference between desire and dependency comes in, because the desire is actually for the feeling, not for the thing. And we can use the thing as long as it serves us. But the moment that it doesn't serve us or we don't have access for it, access to it, then we need to be able to re empower ourselves with creating that feeling in another way. And we disempowered ourselves when we see the desire as being about the thing. And this happens so often with people and their goals too, is that people see their goals, the desire, the goal as being about the thing. And then when they can't access the thing, they think they can't go after their goal, instead of seeing that the goal is actually about a purpose, a deeper purpose of feeling a value that they want to contribute to the world, and that there are so many strategies which they can use to do that. And if one strategy isn't accessible to you, or if that strategy is creating suffering for you, or creating results in your life that you don't want, then you pick a different strategy, a different thing. But you don't give up on the goal, because the goal was never about the thing. The thing was just a representation. The strategy was just a representation. And we can go after it as long as we want to and challenge ourselves to go after it as long as we want to. And as long as that is serving us to create the life that we truly want. But the moment that it stops creating that life that we truly want. We create suffering for ourselves, when we see ourselves as being dependent on that thing, that strategy, to create the feeling that we desire for ourselves. Instead of seeing that we are able to create that and find that in so many different things in life. And this is what I want for you all to begin observing in your own life. And your own way of challenging yourself in your own way of going after your goals and your own desires is looking at how often do you desire a thing? Without understanding? What is the purpose behind it? What am I trying to create, through desiring this thing, because that's what the true desire, actually, is. I see this happening with money for so many people. When people become dependent on the money to give them the feeling, instead of seeing that the money is merely a strategy for creating the feeling. It's a tool. And the moment that you create suffering for yourself to access it, you can create that in another way. And yes, I get that right now with money being you know, our main source of trade and in most developed countries, that there's a certain amount of it, we will want to have to be able to pay for costs of living. But then there's also this, this push that people feel to have more money to have more things in their life to have more success, to feel successful in life. And like they're meaningful for having enough money to do certain things that money can do. And what I want you all to begin to see is yes, we can chase that money to have access to those things. But the moment that it creates suffering for us to chase it, we can change the strategy, we can change the thing that we're chasing after. And I think if I'm reading the signals correctly right now in the way that society is going, maybe us becoming less dependent on seeing money as the thing that we desire is going to benefit us because it's creating a lot of scarcity around money, which is creating a lot more issues in our economy and and how things are going there. But that's a story for another time. But money is a good example. Love this. Another great example of this would be in having a house and getting married and having a family and going, you know, being a part of a certain group. All of these things are strategies to create a feeling that we want to feel. And I've seen so many people suffer because, for instance, women who can't give, can't give birth to children because of whatever, PCOS or other diseases that they might have. And then they really suffer because they think, Oh, my God, I liked a lager has a purpose, because I can't fulfill this desire of having a child. And what I'm trying to show so many people is that the desire to have a child is actually another desire. And you can still fulfill that, just because that one, that one strategy is no longer accessible to you doesn't mean doesn't mean that you can't fulfill that desire 100% fully and wholly in a fulfilling way. And so many people get attached to a method, a strategy, a thing, and a, you know, a one way of doing it, that they create suffering for themselves, when the world shows them, that's not going to be your way to fulfill it. That's not going to be your strategy there. And then people sit, and they give up on their goals, and they sit in the suffering, and oh, I can't do what I want to do with my life, because I can't do it this way. And they don't even allow themselves to see that there are so many other opportunities right in front of them, that they could seize, and grow in in grasp and go after that would allow them to create that same exact true desire in their life. And this is what I want to help people begin to see is that when you know what the true desire is, what the purpose is, what the sensitivity is, the authentic sensitivity, not the one that you were told that you needed to go after, but the one that you are designed to truly desire, when you can see what that is, nothing in this world can stop you from creating it, no matter how many strategies are taken away, no matter how many strategies begin to create results in your life that you don't want. And so you want to choose a new strategy, there is always a way to continue going after and building and growing in the true desire. Desire is not our enemy, my friends, dependency on strategies, and things. That is what's creating the suffering, that is what's creating the idea in so many people's minds that they're failing at life, and that they're failing over and over, you're not failing, you're learning what strategies work for you and what don't what which strategies create the results you want, and which ones don't. That's not failure. That's called growth and learning, but it will look like failure when your whole entire desire is wrapped up in the dependency on a temporary thing, a temporary circumstance, a temporary strategy, a temporary person. And I want you all to begin to see that when we truly understand our desire, our true desire, there is nothing that can stop us from creating it and going after it in our life. And that's what I want to open up the doors for with all of you is beginning to see the difference between dependency and true desire. And the desire for things is based in that dependency, we can desire the things as long as the thing and using the thing and using that strategy is serving us. And then the moment it's not, we can freely release it. Because it was never, never what was creating it for us in the first place. We were creating it the whole time through that thing, through that strategy through that circumstance. And we can do it through another. So many of you out there are playing so small, so dependent, so disempowered. And I want to begin to show you all the true badass is that you are and being able to get out there in the world, and learn and grow through trying strategy after strategy after strategy. And every time you do and don't get the result you want. You didn't fail. You learn skill, you learned another strategy that isn't going to create the result that you want. And it's bringing you that much closer to the one that will. And what I want you all to begin to see is even when you find the strategy that does create the result you want in life, life can take that strategy away. But that doesn't mean that you give up or that you failed. Because remember the strategy was one, one of millions that are available for you to create that true desire through. So I want to encourage you all, to begin to look, where in your life have you limited yourself, limit into yourself and seeing what is possible for you. Because you've limited yourself to one way of fulfilling the true desire. Because you see, the desire has been about the thing, the circumstance, the resource, the strategy, where are you limiting yourself in life, because you've attached yourself and become dependent on a strategy, a circumstance or resource, a person or a thing to create a feeling for you that you have the power to create in so many different ways in life. And it's not less valuable because you created it a different way. It's your way, you get to choose that. Just because 500 other people did it this way, and you do it a different way doesn't make your way less valuable, or less able to create that true desire, because the true desire is much bigger than the thing anyways. So if you create it a different way, your way is not less valuable. Your way is not less valuable. If you create it in a different way than someone else. I've worked with so many women that were unable to have kids. And it was so difficult to get them to see that just because you're not able to literally birth your own child does not make you less able to be a mother create the feeling of providing motherhood to the world, around you in so many different ways. adopting kids might be a strategy, working as a teacher in some way with children might be a strategy, you know, there's so many different ways that the role of mother can be played out, and that the value of motherhood can be played out in the world. And so many women out there that I've met that, for various reasons are unable to bear their own children, and then they shame themselves and guilt themselves into shrinking back in their life, because they're, quote, unquote, unable to fulfill that desire in their life. And, and I just really want to help them see, the desire is something so much bigger than birthing a child. It's so much bigger than that. And you're playing so small by limiting yourself to if I can't do it that way I failed. And there's so many other examples of this in life, other than just birthing a child, you know, it could have to do with, you know, what kind of house you want to live in how family for instance, there's so many so many gay people out there, homosexual bisexual people out there, that their family turned their back on them when they came out and told their family who they are. And then they thought, oh, I don't have a family anymore. And then they either they either shrink back into lying and telling people, whatever they want to hear about them so that they can keep family around, otherwise they won't have family, and then somehow that makes them less valuable. And I've tried so many times, and successfully helped so many people to see that. That family, the feeling of family is so much bigger than being attached to this small group of people that share some genetics with you. And that you can create family and so many different ways in life. Why are you limiting yourself to those people that don't want to see you and want to turn their back on you as those being your only way to create family. And if you create it another way, it's less valuable than those who share genetics with the people that they call family, your way is not less valuable, my friends, the strategy is not the value, the value is in the feeling that you are creating the value that you are spreading to the world by creating that feeling in so many different ways, with so many different strategies and so many different circumstances. Because genetic sharing genetics with people is such a limited circumstance. And to say that that's the only way to create the only valuable way to create family limits. It actually cheapens, cheapens the true desire behind that feeling of family, to being limited to someone you share genetics with. And I want some I want you all to begin to see where in your life, you are limiting the value of what it is that you're truly after the true desire because you are attaching it to making it dependent on something that is so small in comparison to the true desire that's behind that. And I want to help you all open up to see that true desire and see your unstop ability and being able to create it in life around you and why you truly desire it and why you are designed to get out in the world and create it and isn't many ways as possible, that's what we're here for my friends. That's your value in this life. And just because you're doing it in a way that right now people don't, the popular, socially accepted way of creating that value doesn't look like the way you're doing. It doesn't make yours less of that true desire. And it doesn't make it less valuable, my friends, where are you limiting yourself with this? Where are you limiting yourself in life? With this? We've gone deep today, my friends, I know. But I want you all to begin looking at your life and observing where this exists? Where are you dependent on a strategy, a circumstance, a specific representation of a person. And what I mean by that is a certain body or a certain group of bodies, for fulfilling a true desire for you, that you were designed to create in so many different ways in life, not just do that one strategy, circumstance or thing or person, you're bigger than that, my friend, you're more valuable than that. I love you all. That's all I've got for you today. Get out there, find the true desire. It's not about not enjoying the things. But it's about releasing the dependency on them to provide the true value, the true desire that you're after. Because there's so much bigger, so much richer, get out there and find that I want to encourage you all to do that. I love you all. I'll talk to you again here next week. Ciao. Thank you for joining us today. I hope you enjoyed the content of this podcast. If you did, please subscribe so that you're one of the first people to know when I release a new episode each week. If you have any questions or if you have interest in learning more about the coaching that I do with my clients one on one, then just head over to my website at WWW dot life coach seth.com that's www dot life coach seth.com there you're gonna have the ability to reach out to me for questions that you might have or to book your free discovery call with me to discuss what one on one coaching with me might be like for you. You can also check out an order your copy of my book to get a taste of what I'm all about as a person and as a coach. I'm so happy that you joined us today and I hope to have you here again next week. So until then, let authenticity be the guide to your most unstoppable and fulfilling journey of life.