Casino Royale / The Time Dave Saw Jay Leno (Guest: David McGuire)

Our GUEST (ominous bass), former Hoolyweird type David McGuire antes in for a game of chance with "Casino Royale." Oh no no. Not that one. Sorry. It’s ‘Casino Royale,’ 1967. Starring Peter Sellers, Ursula Andress, and David Niven. Directed by....everyone. As we do allow table talk here, eavesdrop on our patented signals: The “Night Eyes 2," and the "Hoagie/Hoagy Carmichael.”  What do you think is better film between this and the spoof of it? Also, for all you spies and sleuths out there, somewhere within, lies the Easter Egg to end all Easter Eggs! This episode was brought to you by The Crime Clean ®️ Family of products, and the Crime Clean ®️ Bucket ©️ ™ (which we believe should not exist. At all.) 

Plot: A Spoof, in which an aging Sir James Bond comes out of retirement to take on SMERSH.

1hr 50mins
*"Crime Clean" AD Written by David McGuire & Paul Root*

Transcript

I was I was actually curious as to why you were referencing Sergio Leone while we were talking about his sandbag and bomb movie. How embarrassing for you? Right. Yeah. Especially since you're a movie podcaster.

I know. Well Ben and I are on the same page. Welcome everyone to the Review Review. I'm Paul. And I'm Ben.

And we have a third party with us today. Not with us, but with us in spirit. In electric spirit. In spirit and in truth. Oh.

I like that. Come David McGuire's here. Hello. We're so happy to have you, David. He's coming to us from right now, he's in Arizona.

He's not always in Arizona, but right now he's in Arizona. It's my Schwarzenegger. It's saying Arizona apparently a lot. Did he ever say Arizona in a movie? No.

Never. I I can tell you definitively never. Dave, can you tell me since I've been meeting you for the first time and, you know, the 3 listeners out there who you are and what you do? First first of all, thanks for having me. Say pleasure as always.

It will. It's a complete mystery to me as to why. I Because it's a pleasure to have and be had by the warms the warms the cackles. Let's see. I'm I'm a former aspiring writer.

I spent some time as a, production assistant and production secretary in in Hollywood, California. Yes. I don't know if you're familiar with it. Yeah. I've I've I've received mail from there before.

I live in Holly weird. Oh, Cooley Wood. Cooley. So I, worked through, mostly at ABC Studios. Couple of TV shows, Ugly Betty as a, a coffee getter on Ugly Betty.

And I also screwed up The Sides. That was my other main gig. And then, I worked on, a television show called Samantha Who, which, hardly anyone remembers. But it, afforded me the opportunity to meet everybody's favorite Tolkien, Tim Russ, who was also who was also in a little movie you might know called Spaceballs. Night Ice 2.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. That too. Yeah.

What is there such a thing as Night Ice 2? Is that a real Oh, yeah. It's like a it's like a SkinnyMax thing. Seen them all. At this point, don't take anything Paul says as anything.

Night Ice, there is a there was a direct to video, like, franchise called Night Ice. There was. That sounds great. That sounds vaguely like like 3rd tier Billy Joel song. Night eyes 2.

So then, I had to get a real job because I was getting, real married, and, I went back to, doing what I know and love, which is, insurance. That is the reason that I'm in, Arizona right now, and I'm down here doing what we like to call, corporate engagement because, my main gig is, corporate henchmen. Oh, and on that note, henchmen and swankiness and Hyatt bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap b is how is this possible? Casino Royale, isn't that a movie from many years later? And isn't that also a Bond movie?

Well, a, I've told you, we do whatever the fuck I want. In the end, the rules don't matter. B. Yeah. This is a standalone film completely and totally.

Yep. Doesn't count towards our franchise rule. It is not canon in terms of Bond, but it is a James Bond movie, a mini James Bond. It is based on the book by Ian Fleming. It is.

And this is Ben, I'm I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to interrupt you. Oh. It is suggested by the novel by Ian Fleming. Gotcha.

Now I I specifically wrote that now in my notes that it is suggested. And as soon as I read those words as I was watching this film for the first time in 25 years, I I got real sad. No. It's like where it's like, it was an idea that was suggested on a thought by Ian Fleming via napkin. It's yeah.

Wrote it on a napkin at a bar. Something like that. Read it off of a bathroom stall. Yeah. This is based on the Wikipedia that I read Yes.

Of the description of the back of the DVD of Casino Royale. Perfect. He nailed it. In 1967, of course, Wikipedia was exclusively on bathroom stalls. So For a good time call.

Okay. Got it. Cool. Now I know where to find a good time. And you call and they give you, like, a bunch of information about Hillary Clinton, and you're like, what am I what am I Or for a good Buick.

Yeah. Hey. By the way, I gotta ask. Ben, how are you? Oh, fuck.

Damn it. Why do I always forget that we're making that a competition? And it was my your thing. That's I'm the worst. What what is the competition?

Who asks who first? Yep. Yeah. Or how you're actually doing? The competition is the first person to ask the other person how they're doing.

To move the show forward and get it out of the way. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So thank you for asking me, Paul.

Yeah, of course. I meant it. It means a lot. Yeah. I'm doing I'm doing pretty good.

I enjoyed our atmospheric river of California. I feel like whenever you ask me, I frequently talk about the weather which means I'm basically not telling you how I'm actually feeling. You're very you're a very interesting guy. Yeah. So yeah, I'm doing okay.

I'm heard. About the weather. Oh, yeah. I am. Yeah.

How are you doing? Oh, I'm, I'm I'm fabulous. Thank you for asking. I did eat some, carne asada for lunch that did not agree with me. He he is shaking his head back and forth with a frown.

I I've known Dave for a long time. We worked together at Hollywood Video, and the night that we met, we got Jack in the box morning, and nobody felt good. And I will repeat to you my my order from that night. It was an ultimate, cheeseburger and and a side of egg rolls. Nice.

You know? The deep fried the deep fried egg rolls. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yeah.

If if you take one thing away from this podcast, it will be go get the egg rolls at Jack Frost. They are Fabulous. Wonderful. Just wonderful. I too used to work at Hollywood Video, and I too used to We're in the trifecta, baby.

Wow. So not not one of us in the the blockbuster camp. We all did all did the knock off blockbuster. We all stole from by the way. Now I never stole from Hollywood video.

I know. You're a good boy. Were you supervisors? Haven't. I was I was at the point.

Yeah. You were? I was a shift leader or whatever. Promoted you. Oh.

I I was, yeah. No. I I was an assistant manager at a Yeah. At a Hollywood video. I did, one time accidentally keep 2 movies from Hollywood videos.

This was after I worked there for 6 months, in the trunk of my car. And I did not want to pay the $148, that they send me in the the collections notice. How many times are you gonna watch night eyes 2? You just, like, just hang on to it. How many times do you watch?

It's never gonna be worth a $160 in fees. Just hang on to it. I would agree with you. So I went to, one of the locations of Hollywood Video, and I paid the, clerk at the counter $5 for 2 of those purple magnetic strips. Yep.

And just put them on the shelf. I put them into the videos that I had in my trunk for 6 months. Yeah. And then I put the I carried them in in the back of my shirt, underneath my shirt to the Hollywood video, put them back on the shelf, and then said, hey. I checked these in, like, a long time ago.

So they went after shelf, they found them, checked them back in, cleared the 145 box. Can I call you Danny Ocean? Yes, you may. Okay. Bummed.

James Bummed. I stole a lot of movies from Hollywood Video. I stole a lot of movies. So Paul, how are you? Yikes.

Yeah. You know what? We've got the energy of this, beautiful boy over here in this corner. The, the the snowshoe Siamese, mister, Rudy the cat himself is here. So he's gonna be our special guest, I think, through this whole thing.

So that immediately puts me in a good zone. Yeah. I'm thrilled to have Dave here doing this, one of the funniest people I know. So Oh, thank you. Very, very cool.

Looking forward to talking about this movie. Life's weird. Life's a weird wild ride, everybody. Are you gonna get into Matthew McConaughey? Ever since I've been driving a Lincoln.

What is it, Dave, when I did, Rick? Coral. Alright. No coral, and then it would become Matthew McCotley. They would all start to rip into each other.

Inevitably. Inevitably. I heard from a completely unreliable source that they are bringing back the character of Rick for a new Walking Dead. I cannot imagine, well, I mean, you know, the complete and utter dearth of, you know, original thought or material in the town that you guys live and work in. I apologize in advance if I'm ruining any careers, that you might have, but my opinion of Hollywood these days is, low.

I wanna ask your opinion about Hollywood circa 1967. But first So I just got the saddest news. Am I a bummer? Is this a bummer? Looking at you, yes.

But listening to you, no. Well, I've already apologized for the color of my beard. I think you look great too. It's it's Thanks. You you Thanks.

Dude, the beard plays. I I think I grew it myself. Well done. Well done. So, I I just found out that, this fool has been canceled, and, oh, the fact that Paul especially playing stairs.

Yeah. I don't know who this stairs. It was a Latino written, Latino produced, TV show on Hulu. It's originally on FX, I believe, and then moved to Hulu for its 2nd season. And it was, I by far, one of the, I think, most perfect portrayals of LA culture, but, like, native LA culture that was on that I'd ever seen on, on TV.

And it was, funny as hell. The you know, I'm forgetting the guy's name, Chris, and I don't wanna get it wrong. Chris Carrabba. Ramirez maybe. No.

Definitely not Chris Carrabba. Hey. Paul, you're fired. See. Vindicated.

Oh. Here's the prize. So I missed, dashboard confessional plane for free, downtown Vegas, like, you know, Fremont Street, last October, I think. And, I'm still a little sad about it. Not gonna lie.

I saw them live once Wow. At 10 AM at Bumper Shoot in Seattle. Oh, very nice. We were watching that, my wife and I. So we are no longer watching it.

I did just, I I am also rewatching Star Trek the Next Generation. Oh. Nice. And you you forget, a, how good self contained episodes are. Oh, yeah.

I I don't need a 10 episode arc of anything. I, you know, I really, really enjoy that these things are wrapped up. And they can bring characters back, or they can, you know, bring themes in and out, of a season. But, pure, you know, brevity of a a self contained episode is, it's kinda refreshing. Sure.

I agree with that. Yeah. I do too. I sometimes a 10 episode arc can be it feels taxing. Like, there's no let go.

You don't let it doesn't let you go at all. You don't get a moment of anything, really. I feel that sometimes where you're, like, going in to stream something and it's a commitment. Yeah. I agree.

It's it's a lot of questions. Note on that note, I will say that I, finally finished, season 3 of Picard. It's a great season. It was it was brilliant. It was, it was everything I ever wanted in a next gen movie that I never got Woah.

Woah. Because all next gen movies suck. Yeah. Wow. All of them.

Okay. All of them all of them suck to a degree. Not one of them echoes in any way a good episode of the next generation. You just expanded. Insurrection is probably the closest that you get.

Oh, no. I think I agree with you. That's so sad. I think I agree with you. First contact so much, but I also understand I understand what you're saying.

It's fine, but it's an action movie. It's an invasion of the body snatchers movie. Yeah. Yeah. Which is which is why, Star Trek the motion picture is No.

Not this. It's got a great score. Speaking of great, it's a 7 hour long 2 hour movie. Yeah. Yeah.

What are you guys watching? I've been co authoring all of your time. Paul Jaman. Me? Yeah.

Paul Jaman. Dave and I both, like, arms crossed as we were, like, Star Trek the motion picture. Let's fight. I felt fisticuffs coming. No.

I watched a David Mamet movie starring hall of fame quarterback, Joe Montana. Have a question. Before you tell me what it's called, how many fucks were in the movie? Oh my good lord. I mean, it's a David Mamet movie.

It's called House of Games. It's about losing the Super Bowl over and over and over and over. It's not about It's about the Buffalo Bills? It's not no. It's Joe Montana, the actor, not Joe Montana, the quarterback who won Super Bowls for the 40 niners.

So not the last many, many years of 40 niners. Right. The 40 niners who've lost 3 Super Bowl in the last, like, 10 years. Correct? So I can tell, like, your your audience is mostly NFL fans.

Right? Yes. That's what this Yeah. Can't you see on the back of the not prepared for that in in the that Metcalfe. It's yours.

Oh, sure. Is that yours? Yeah. It's Wow. He's a very cool guy.

He is cool stuff. Yeah. Can't wait to meet him in person. Give you a give you a beard to beard hug. Sure.

I do bristle to bristle. I only do Christian beard side hugs. Oh, good call. It's a good way to do it. Well, I'm I'm a Presbyterian, not a Baptist.

So, I'm a Presbyterian. Full on. Full on. Yeah. I'm so sorry.

We finished House of Games, was the name of the movie with hall of fame quarterback, Joe Montana. And it was just like very classic man. It like, I'm a man. I'm gonna be more manly and cons and fuck you and fuck that and carnal knowledge and talking about whatever gritty yada yada. It was really, really good because the the concept of the movie is, like, a con inside of a con inside of a con inside of a con inside of a con.

And the way it, like, unravels is actually, like, really satisfying. I I really enjoyed the movie, and it's from, like, 80 7 or something like that. It's good. It was his follow-up to homicide. Homicide is my favorite Mammoth film.

I watched that recently also with hall of fame quarterback, Joe Montana. I think my favorite Mammoth play is American Buffalo. Woah. Never never read. Oh, really?

Never seen it. It's great. And Glengarry Glen Ross. Oh, okay. Sure.

But he is a problematic playwright, and he hates women. So you know? It's interesting when you when I watch House of Games, like, what you're talking about, the way he writes the, like, female protagonist and what happens at the end. It's it's just like it's interesting as he wrote and directed the movie. Like, he does most of his stuff if he didn't at least write it.

It's just so weird as somebody who's apparently, like, you know, legendary, like, misogynist. The way that that movie comes off in the end or, like, homicide, like Dave was talking about, it doesn't feel that way. But as soon as you know who he is, it's weird. Where was the intention? Where did it lie?

What happened? What happened in transit? It's really weird. I feel like it's deep conversation. Yeah.

You could say the same thing about Josh Whedon. Right? Can you? Are you frozen? No.

I I thought you I thought you were frozen for a second. So, what am I watching? Yeah. I'm gonna list off 3 television shows I'm watching real quick. I'm rewatching Community for like the 4th or 5th time I think.

As as well you should. And I'm in the last season and I'm happy that the movie is coming. So that's, an exciting thing. And that Donald Glover is coming back is probably the best part of that. Because I know that Harmon wouldn't do it without Glover.

So I started Halo because I had Paramount and, my friend is the voice of Cortana. Oh, cool. And I heard season 2 was good and I haven't seen any of it. Right? So I was like, okay.

I'll start it. Season 1 is kinda rough. I've heard that. Yeah. It's like the best things about Halo.

A dude in a mech suit kicking alien asses and you get that in the first episode and then no more. Just stories, stories, stories, stories, stories, exposition. And it's like okay this is a slog. Stop heaping this shit on me. So I'm starting to make it like a No more nonsense please.

Yeah. I'm starting to make it kind of like we were saying like it feels like that 10 episode arc that you're like why am I watching this? It's easier to watch a movie. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. I'm hoping just to get through it so I can get a season 2 because I heard season 2 is good. And finally I am watching True Detective Night Country. And I think I have one episode left of that.

Is that still currently week to week? It is. Yeah. Okay. So you're almost like caught up.

I am caught up. The last episode's on Sunday. Oh, I might start barreling into that. It's the best one since the first season. Okay.

Not that, like I mean, like, not that the bar was super hot. Season 2 of Trishactive was terrible. I can't the Taylor Kitch. I can't. I didn't watch it.

I didn't watch it. I I thought season 1 was so good that I couldn't you know, there was no way to top it. And so I figured that, you know, when they tried that it would be a complete and utter failure. And, you know, I I wish I made more bets on these things. The Mahershala Ali season was decent.

I I thought it was alright. Him and Dorf. Right? Yes. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Yo.

You bet. Or Dorf. Not Dorf the golf no. The golf guy. And also not Dorf Lundgren.

Tim Dorf Lundgren. Hey. I did just recently show my 5 year old Anastasia. I should, briefly mention I'm a father of 3. I got 3 girls, almost 14, 12, and 5.

I did just show Anastasia Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Ring for the first time, and she loved it. Awesome. Wow. So and she regularly requests that we put on Star Trek the Next Generation. So I found, my child.

Oh, fine. After after 3 of them. Sure. That's awesome. You guys will start Nightmare on Elm Street in no time.

Week or 2? Yes. Probably? Good. She's ready.

Sounds like she's a big fan of these scary things. Dream dream child? Isn't that one of dream child or child? Yep. Dream child.

Number 5. Number 5. See, knowing you has paid off. Finally. This is the moment.

Well, I can't wait for it to pay off for me. Why the hell not? Hey. As as we're doing this, we're gonna talk about some facts. Let's talk about about Cachino Royale facts.

Archaeology is the search for facts. So the movie that we all watched is the movie called Casino Royale, not the one from 2006? 6. Yeah. It is the one from 1967.

It is a famous artist productions, apparently they call it Sony and is approved. It was approved Mhmm. In case you didn't know. And it is a long 2 hours and 11 minutes. Oh gosh.

That seems impossible. The What you just It is. It is. It is. I'm sure we'll get deeper into that.

Well, oh, yes. The budget for this movie, which I'm sure everybody is curious about, was 12,000,000. Mind you, this was made in 1967, so the adjustment is a 111,000,000 because our generations above us have failed. The above of, opening weekend, April 28, 1967. There's no information on the money available and I have no idea.

Final gross of North America was 22,700,000 adjusted that is 209,600,000. What late stage capitalism does to us. Yeah. Final gross worldwide, 41,700,000 adjusted 413.16. This is a massively successful film.

Okay. I mean, no. Is it though? In terms of financially No. No.

Financially, we may double its money, but no. I guess it made 4 times its money. Yeah. If we build a worldwide gross, it made almost 4 times its money. Like, this is a very successful I guess so.

Yeah. Which is I am flabbergasted. Surprised it didn't make any Well, there's with any other movies. Very little to do. Yeah.

Oh, you're that's a good joke, Ben. I'm sorry to step in all of it. It's alright. The, there's very little to do in 1967. It was 2 years before the summer of love.

It was 4 years after Kennedy died. So there was, like, this weird You couldn't walk on the moon yet? Not a year yet. I mean, according to this movie Couldn't do nothing. 1967 was just sexual assault.

Just one Yeah. We'll get into that. Long, horny You know, us us 3 dudes with beards and, well, you know, we're we're gonna get into the whole assault. I needed to be noted that Paul has a mustache and not a beard. I don't want him to be, get away from the Can you hear it?

Can you hear it? Yeah. Okay. I can hear the mustache. I do want it noted that these notes are, made on the back of important tax copies.

I'm just gonna say, are you doing your bills right now? What are you doing? I I am. I have also titled them, Inglorious Tech Notes color, which is Appreciated. What I titled my notes.

You guys don't title notes? Paul might. No. I don't. I don't.

I haven't taken notes on a movie in a while just because, otherwise, we go for, like, 4 hours. I I gotta tell you, Ben. You know, there's some, you know, I got a full page on probably the first, 15 minutes of the movie, and then No. I have No. I feel like We're just trying to get through the fact sheet.

Yeah. Dave is, like, holding his head in frustrated defeat. He does look like a CPA right now Yeah. Who is looking at my financial history. You look at your Atlas with the world on your shoulder, like, the thinker and the stinker.

I I am, you know, just flabbergasted. I'm I'm almost I'm positive that the rerelease of Gone with the Wind, which was, you know, top 5, had to have beaten this way. I mean, a re release of a 1939 movie had to have beaten this movie at the box office. Baby. Dave.

David. We'll tell you. Are you jumping? We'll tell you. Other releases this weekend, not applicable.

Weekend top 5, not applicable. Top 5 films of this year, The Graduate, The Jungle Book, Gone With the Wind. Boom. Re release. Nailed it.

Guess who's coming to dinner? Bonnie and Clyde. They're not coming to dinner. They're Bonnie and Clyde. Yeah.

I have I would have rather spent time with any of those movies. I agree. Other films from 1967, Valley of the Dolls, You Only Live Twice, To Sir With Love, In the Heat of the Night, Cool Hand Luke, in Like Flint, A Fistful of Dollars, Octopussy was released in 1983. Oh, wow. I don't under I don't understand why that's in there.

Because Paul's a psychopath. Oh. And also were there 3 Sidney Poitier movies that came out in 67? In the heat of the night. To serve with love.

To serve with love. And guess who's going to do this? Yeah. This was for you Poitier. Yeah.

Letterbox average for this movie is 2 point 4. You can follow us on Letterbox. I'm at run b m c. I'm at Paul acts badly. And I've never heard of Letterbox.

Great. Then don't worry about it. Ebert gave us 2 out of 4, not recommended. Rotten Tomatoes gives us a whopping 26%. Metacritic, 48.

Major award wins and nominations. This won an Oscar for best song. Yeah. I would agree, sir. Bert Bacharach.

Yep. I would agree. The Look of Love is a, dynamite song. It really ties the room together. It also ties the room together.

And it doesn't appear until 48 minutes into the movie. It's a shame. There's a lot of things that don't appear until 48 minutes into the movie, mostly the plot. Yeah. Well, okay.

Is there one of those? No. I I would say, I don't know how much more, we have to get through, but I would say that it it is as easy to follow as the plot of some James Bond movies. So Sure. That I didn't fault it for that.

I didn't fault it for that because I don't watch Octopus Eve for the plot. You know? I, like, I don't care about the spy who love me, and the, you know, stealing submarines or whatever it is. Like, it doesn't that's not why I watch those movies. So I don't fault it for having a terrible plot, which it does.

Sure. It also won a BAFTA for best song and best costume design. Yeehaw. Paul, I want you to tell us about a bunch of people who are most likely dead. Yeah.

Made this movie and I want it to be known that whatever we say about this movie, these people tried hard and credit credit to them. Let's assume most of these are our IPs. It's an older film. And we're gonna do, like, limited credits for some of these folks just because there are so many people who did one job. And I feel like you should machine gun this because otherwise, we're gonna get stuck.

Yep. Directors were John Houston, Annie, Robert Parish, Fire Down Below. Not the The sea will see God. Try to hard jump me a cock. One that we all love.

The other one. Valguest, hell is a city, Joseph McGrath, rising damp, Ken Hughes, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, of course, the screenplay to that was penned by Ian Fleming. Ian Fleming. There you go.

We love you. Writers Wolf Mankiewicz, Trapeze, John Law, this movie, Michael Sayers, this movie, and story credit to Ian Fleming for the inspired by a fart that was a whisper on a ghost from Ian Fleming. Director of photography, Jack Hildyard, Henry the 5th, the bridge on the river Kwai, and Topaz. That's a that's a good little resume. So weird.

It's exciting so many better movies. You did this. You did this. Music, Bert Bacharach, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Arthur and Nightshift, and let's just, like, get out of the way now, plays, like, a pivotal role in Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery. This movie plays a pivotal role in Austin Powers.

We're gonna get into that for sure. Producers Charles k Feldman, the 7 year itch, Streetcar Named Desire, and Jerry Bressler abandoned into the web. Peter Sellers. Hello. I'm Peter Sellers.

Hello. I'm Peter Sellers. And I want Peter Sellers. I I'm also Peter Sellers, but I'm gonna do a racist accent now. He knows this man's work.

Yeah. Peter Sellers says Evelyn Trimble, doctor Strangelove or How I Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the Bomb. Lolita being there and the mouse that roared, a film that we talked about on this program. Just quick pause. That's why we picked this movie is because we did the mouse that roared previously, and it tie it kinda tied in.

Hey, fair. It was between this and Wild Bunch, for us. Like, the two choices. We almost just flipped a coin. Yeah.

But I plan to watch the Wild Bunch and just weep for my lost time after we finished it. Like, I was just trying to put it on us. Mhmm. That's fine. Please do.

Yeah. Why not? I would. I'm the guest. Ursula Andress was Vesper Lynde, Doctor No, Clash of the Titans.

She, David Niven as sir James Bond, the underrated gem that I had not heard anyone talk about before, Audrey, who had guested on our mystery men episode, a movie called Murder by Death. Really fucking fun movie. Love it. Heights and the guns of the Navarone. And a movie that you've spoken about on a matter of life and death.

Oh, yeah. That's right. Oh. And be still my beating heart, Joanna Pettit as Mattabond. Mhmm.

This is like the Jane Seymour thing all over again. She for me, it was money penny. Oh, yeah. Sure. I get it.

There are very few ugly ones. It's almost like they did on purpose or something. Orson Wells was le chiffre. Was he? Citizen Kane.

The third man, touch of evil. Transformers the movie. The movie. You got the touch. And Woody Allen as Jimmy Bond, bananas, and, what I wrote as sleepy that's supposed to say, sleeper.

And I'm gonna remind everyone, this episode was brought to you by CrimeClean and the fine family of products brought to us by CrimeClean, stab detergent, CrimeClean disinfecting wipes, and Glisson probiotic toothpaste and grout cleaner. CrimeClean by the bucket. Quick question. Does CrimeClean does CrimeClean also clean up accusations from your stepdaughter of molestation? Oh.

Just I was just curious. Can they can they handle that as well? Does it is it a forget me now, like Arrested Development? Oh, no. How far do we go here?

If I get a shirt on, I have my fingers under my collar doing this. Oh. Dave, you should have some fun facts here for us at this point. I do have fun facts. They better be fun.

If they're not fun, the crime clean, the fine crime clean family of products will Fine. Erase you from existence or problems. I'm a cofounder of that company, so there's no way that it erase me. There's no there's no nepotism or, collusion here, by the way. I, I I know Peter Sellers and Orson Welles were titans of their day.

Right? And as titans, they just hated each other. But interestingly, Peter Sellers recommended Orson Welles for the part of the show. Yes, sir. And but they they would not be in the same room together.

So all of their scenes were shot. It was reversed, so they didn't have to be sitting, across from one another. And, I don't know. It it shows. But was one of Orson Welles' stipulations that he doesn't stand up ever?

Yeah. It must be. He's seen it the entire time. It felt like that episode of community where, Chang is, like, CG'd into the movie where he's seen the whole time, and he's got this Yes. Hey, Bart.

How'd you like to fly 500 big macs out to Marlon Brando's island? Like, that's how it felt. Like, it was, like, it was Brando. Like, I am the city, which Steven Seagal now will not stand. He sits.

He he is seated in a throne. It is above I don't I let's like, I don't know. Like, I don't know how you guys do this. Just keep going on the fun facts. You're good.

Okay. Okay. Fun facts. According to interviews with director Val Guest, Peter Sellers became such a problem during filming. The decision was made to fire him before he finished all of the scenes.

Oh my god. So, I guess this explains why he is machine gunning to fly at Vesper Lynd and just disappears. You don't even see him die. There's so so many things. I do I do like, this is interesting to me because I know that, Ian Fleming, his his idea for James Bond, he was Hoagy Carmichael.

That's who he wanted to he he's he wouldn't suggest it. He wanted a fucking Subway sandwich to play James Bond? Yes, Paul. Who's Hoagie Carmichael? Sorry.

Can we go to the judges on that one? Who's that? Yeah. No. They said that's Can you provide context for who that is, though?

You said that some some singer or actor or singer, actor from the Or sandwich. Who knows? Or could be a sandwich. Footlong cookie. Foot footlong cookie.

Oh, I've been to that one. So But we lost him. He's Hey, guys. Guys. Trying trying to figure out trying to figure out how you guys might how my wife's nickname for me.

Does she use that in front of your kids? Dave, fact sheet. Fact sheet. Well, I mean, she says FLC in front of the kids. Fork.

Fork. You're killing a fork. But, according to this, fun fact here, David Niven was Ian Fleming's original choice to play James Bond. And I can see that. I mean, the man the I'll tell you.

There are a variety of actors in this movie who are in other movies. Like, they are in in in great movies. Like, there are legitimately great performances in this movie that belong in better movies. Anyhoo, Sean Connery was approached to play Bond in this film for a $1,000,000 and he declined, which is a good, I think. Just for sure.

Yeah. Smart history. If if indeed there is a multiverse, I would like to see Sean Connery in this movie and then also Sean Connery in on her majesty's secret service. Oh, yeah. You know, 2 years after this.

The one problem the one problem with on her majesties is Lazenby. The the biggest weakness anyway. I like, yeah. He's you. I hope he's fine.

He's fine. He's fine. But, you know, I mean, you know, 40 years later, a whole bunch of Peter or, excuse me, Pierce Brosnan to look forward to. So Yeah. Well, you know Mine is fine.

He could come back. Never say never again, you know? Yeah. Never say never. You know, I we all thought Christmas only came once a year.

So Hello. Got her again. Somebody. Got her. Oh, man.

Somebody is stuck there. I met Denise Richards. She is delightful. I'm so good. Just a really quality human being.

And as is, no lie, Sean Patrick Flannery, also I believe that. Human being. He's young Indiana Jones, man. Yeah. Yeah.

They were on a pilot that I worked on called Secrets of a Small Town, I think. And, a very young, Leighton Meester, was also I remember. In that cast. And I'll tell you, I I saw her at the table read, and I was like gonna cost me? I'll tell you it's for free, Paul.

Okay. You're at the table read. And I'm very young with look, Misha. You don't wanna hear my stories. I do.

Wow. I needed You're alienating our guests. I needed the I'll tell you this for free. That is a Dave Maguire trademark. He knows it.

You know? Okay. So, here's the real thing that happened to me the other day. I was watching a professional, gambling video on, YouTube. Slot players, not cards.

And, he Paul's dying. Professional slot players. Yes. I highly recommend it. Nick Hughes, Vegas, Matt, gotta go on on to the YouTubes and watch him.

Very entertaining. Okay. His son his son, films, his slot playing sessions where they go up to like $360 a spin. It's ridiculous. Oh, wow.

And the son the son is, is chatting with his dad there and he says, I'll tell you this for free. And I'm blown away. Absolutely blown away. Because I've only heard that from one other human being who is the person that I stole it from. Like early, David Letterman.

Oh. And that is most certainly stolen. As is most of my humor and 94% of my personality. Getting back to, the, what was I talking about? 5 different credited directors for different segments of the film, which is a 100% noticeable.

Yes. Stone quarter, Richard Talmadge was the primary director of the final sequence. There is a final sequence. I feel like this movie is still going on. Just like the the marching yeah.

This movie goes into a fever dream, and then you go into that fever dream Yep. When you Pretty much. I have it right here, Ben. It says, I feel like I'm on drugs. Mhmm.

Oh, fun. That would have been more fun. Yeah. Yeah. No.

Not a good not good for fun. Drugs. Oh, okay. Bad drugs. No.

No. Bad drugs. Ayahuasca. Bad bad drugs. Tequila worm.

Bad drugs. Bad gorillas. Hey. Look. I feel like Aaron Rodgers and I were in an Ayahuasca tent.

Oh, no. The worst nightmare. No, Dave. Go ahead, Ben. If it involves a joke about Joe Rogan.

That that tracks, but we have a question for you. Dave. Dave. Yes. David.

Yes. What's the log line of this film? Oh, gosh. I knew I was supposed to think of 1, and I did not. I will say I will say this.

We we have the rights to James Bond and some money. Let's capitalize on that. Let's cap like, not I I don't feel like that was the second part of the log line. I think it was, we have the rights to James Bond and some money, And then it was, the underwear gnomes in South Park. There was there's just no they they were like, I there there was no plan.

There was no plan. The next part of that was, sure, but how much this money should we spend on cocaine? It's like, when I watched, Hurricane Smith starring Carl Weathers, RIP, I was like, everybody just wanted to go to Australia. Like, that's the whole reason this movie got perfect. This movie, they just wanted sexy girls around and do cocaine.

That's what I got from this movie. I it's not that I can't get on board with that. Being in Scottsdale, Arizona, I'm sure that's the the That's the sexy girl capital of the world. I was I was sitting outside, yesterday, and, by, like, down the street, went one of those mobile bars, with the bachelorette party on it. Oh, they and they were having to pedal it?

Oh, god. Was it that? I don't know. No. I think it was self powered.

Okay. Or that or it was powered, you know, just on the easy I was gonna I was gonna say the hubris of, of believing that you could have that kind of fun on a Wednesday. In Scott's cellar. But now to to be fair, now it was Valentine's Day yesterday. Yeah.

When I yeah. I was sitting outside in in here. It must have been like a it could it must have been like a Galentine's Day thing, you know. And more power to them. They were having a good time.

They were That's what it's all about. By the way, if you wanna clean up the residue from your cocaine on your trips or whatever you do with your friends and your people, whatever, make sure to get the CrimeClean bucket that includes every single product that we mentioned in the bucket. It is a great value. Woody Allen package not included. Not even the bucket can save him.

Woody Allen's package is not on trial here, Ben. But not this trial. Not this one. Yeah. No.

Speaking speaking of, cocaine, I think the opening titles of this movie are gorgeous Yeah. And lovely. And I was so excited. I legitimately thought maybe I was wrong. You know, I because I had I had a feeling.

I didn't know that. Hope. Well, hold on. Too deep. Hold on to your hope.

Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. We're gonna read the real log line, then we'll take a break brought to us by CrimeClean and their fine family of products. And then we will be we'll be back to talk about Casino Royale, our ratings, and go through the movie.

See that. Right. So the tagline is an aging sir James Bond comes out of retirement to take on Smush. That's it. Yeah.

Why not? Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Fine.

I guess. Sweet. Fine. There's I guess. I mean, there's just like Jordan Sweet.

Like, Woody Allen. This is shit. But, like, but Sir James Bond isn't even the main character of this movie. Isn't he though? Isn't all 8 of him?

The the he's on at the beginning and okay. Well, let's let's take our break. I wanna take a break. Let's take a we're gonna take a break. We'll be back.

Hi there. Are you an interesting person or like me? A person of interest? I'm Bryce. With a Y.

Your sanitary stalker for the CrimeClean family of products. All of which are found in the CrimeClean bucket. Lean closer as I tell you. 187 paste and grout cleaner for cannabis. He swore by that glisten.

I can still hear him now. Who left the cap off my glisten? All of this is part of the CrimeClean family of products. We are an affluent family. This is for white collar crime, not poor people crime like shoplifting or grand theft auto public defecation.

Our shit is expensive. This whole bucket, it's not like a great value. It's a $189. That's not nothing. We're talking son of a Saudi prince clean, bro.

That's how good this shit is. It's worth the money. But you gotta have NFT kinda Dogecoin, bro. Alright? Angus Stirrup.

This was Bryce with a y. Your sanitary stalker. For the CrimeClean family of products. That sure makes your eyes look pretty. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Intense ad.

I feel like those products should be illegal. I don't know. I'm not the one in control of this. I just take the money. I just take the money and I run.

Hey. It's Paul for the Review Review Podcast. We wanna thank you for listening. If you wanna follow us, you can do so on Instagram, reviewx2podcast. Also on TikTok at reviewx2podcast.

Hey, if you like me and you like Ben, you can follow either of us or even both of us on Letterboxd at paulaxbadly at run bmc. Like, share, subscribe, talk about it, engage with us, d m us, tell us why you wanna be on the program, a family member, a friend, your famous uncle, Mark Ruffalo. I don't know. Sounds good to me. Alright.

Back to the program. I have, I have kids, Paul, so I don't buy nice things for myself. Dave, you look like you're rolling in Kohl's Cash. You do, bro. I I do have, pants on, Levi's.

Thank you for wearing pants. Yeah. We appreciate it. Well This episode brought to you by the Kohl's Cash from Kirk Cousins and Crime Clean. And this, this Arizona hotel room brought to you by Poor Life Choices.

So well, now that we're we're here, we're back from the break. We paid our bills. That's wonderful. Dave, we do a little thing here. We play a round of cinephile.

Mhmm. And, basically, it's a game where I draw a card here. I say the name of an actor. You get the freebie on the first round, and it'll go to me. Oh.

There you go. Your actor is Robin Williams, and your movie is The Birdcage. It's now passed to me. I am going to go with What Dreams May Come. Great.

I'm gonna go with hook. Get 1 hour photo. Jack. Insomnia. Oh, you got me?

I'll seal it. I'll say Goodwill Hunting. Oh, yeah. Pancho. I know he's in movies.

Awakenings. Not anymore. Not anymore. Oh. Oh.

So, Dave, what was your first experience with this movie Casino Royale? And in that first viewing, out of 5 stars or whatever ranking you wanna give it, what would you have given it? I initially saw this movie, and I think I hinted at it earlier, as the, you know, Saturday matinee on Channel 11 in Tacoma, Washington. Representing. Whatever that is.

Yeah. And, you you know it. And, I a couple of things. One is, that I knew that this was a James Bond movie, and I knew that I loved James Bond movies that were on TBS all the time. And I, adored every James Bond movie I saw, You Only Live Twice, Goldfinger, Thunderball, you know, Live and Let Die, all of them.

And I never cared who played James Bond. It was always it didn't really matter because I was always James Bond in my mind. Sure. Yeah. Movies.

And, it so when I saw it, it was like, James Bond, and it's, you know, Casino Royale, a title I'd never heard of. And it was on the the map, this Saturday morning. I remember watching it in my grandfather's basement. He had a half furnished, basement with one of those giant, you know, console TVs, with a wood around it, you know, and I just remember really liking the movie and never being able to get, 2 things out of my head. The opening theme, ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta.

Mhmm. And I love it. And The Look of Love, which is an all time great song. I realized, and I won't go too deep into it, upon watching this that I only remember, like, three things from this movie. And so if you were to pull 12 year old, David Maguire back in 1993, 1992, something like that, would have given this movie probably 44, 4 double o sevens out of, you know, 5 double o sevens, because there are so many double o sevens.

Do that math real quick. I'm so I'm so glad I changed my rating system at the last moment because I was gonna do it based on double o sevens as well. So I will do 4 out of 5, Le Chiffre magic tricks. Oh, you're not gonna do double o sevens. You had it.

It was yours. I'll do as many I'll do as many rating systems as like. It's So will you give it 4 rating 4 rating systems out of 5 rating systems? I will give it, 6 out of 7 Mata Hari's. It would be a, it was just below perfect for me because it was a James Bond movie.

I could watch it without, asking my parents. And you didn't know any better? Yeah. There were a lot of things that I remember being like, I have no idea what's happening here. But, they keep saying James Bond double o 7.

And, the the guy who plays the initial James Bond double 07, Cooper or whatever his name is, he he's the the very first one that they designate as double 07. Oh, the the guy that they test out that hooks up with Right. With all these guys. That's that's who they are. Yeah.

Cooper. Because, you know, as a 12 year old boy, I was like, yes. I would like money penny to kiss me. That would be So this is also nice. This is also porn for kids.

Yeah. It's a little bit of porn for kids to a degree. There may be is there a nip slip? I don't know. I get Amazon X-ray.

I would say Ben will let us know. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie. During every single one of the, Scottish scenes, I remember, being as a kid, why don't they turn the camera back around and show the, show Em's daughters why I'm, you know, please. So so that so that was You're a little perv? That was a little different.

Pervy man? That was porn with kids. Porn of kids. Porn with little kids. This this podcast just got put on a list.

Very cool. Do you like porn? First time. Is that porn your little kid? For luck yet.

Dave, you You just watched this movie within the last, I don't know, 48 hours. What is your current rating before us talking about it and trying to sway each other? What is it now? It's a one out of 5 Mata Haris or a a one out of I I struggled to finish it. You're good.

I think so I think I speak for both of us. This is both of our first viewings. No. I had seen it many, many years ago. I'm so sorry I spoke for you.

Yeah. Well, not the first time won't be the last time that you're gonna be fucking sorry. Or that I speak for you. Yeah. So no.

I saw this back in 67 when I was 66. Oh. But again, in my current life, which was also that life. But, no, I saw this movie when I was, like, young on, like, afternoon TV or something like that on USA or whatever. I don't remember any of it.

I just really remember being, like, fun. That's the only word I could associate with it. If somebody were to put a what something from this movie, a hat gun to my head, on my head, whatever. A hat on a hat? Yeah.

A hat on a hat on a hat on a hat. I probably would have been like, yeah, whatever. 2a half. 2a half berghawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhawhaw accents in this movie. 2 and a half burger cuts.

Burglar alarms. 2 and a half big alarms is how I would have rated it. How now having just watched it, starting it at, I wanna say, like, 505 this morning. What a journey. What a What a journey.

What a time to watch the movie. Give me what a time to be alive. High on caffeine and pop tarts. Yeah. That's it too.

And so He's just kidding. R r I p guy who came up with pop tarts, by the way. Uh-huh. RIP. I yeah.

Along with Dave, I did not have a very good time. I I like some things about this movie. Yes. I like some things about this movie quite a bit, but the movie is just confounding, and it's so hard to follow. And I miss so many of the jokes because I want to try and be like, why are there all these James Bonds?

Who is the main bad guy? I'm trying to do the James Bond thing where I'm following the plot and the story and things like that. And it's, like, totally wrong way to watch it, but, also, it's, like, it's not particularly fucking funny. So, one and a half brick alarms currently I will say, you know, I I wrote down every time I genuinely laughed out loud. And Oh, okay.

There were not not not an insignificant amount. I mean, 4. I'd say 3 or 4. There were some genuinely funny jokes. Ben's throwing up a 0 without even saying it or throwing it up.

So I watched this movie at 3 PM today. That's the first time I saw this movie. Oh, man. In the light of day. I hated this movie.

I hated it. I had a feeling. I I I was enjoying my day And then I wasted 2 hours and 11 minutes of it. It feels every day. Oh my god.

I kept pausing it to go pee or, like, get up and get something. I was like, oh my god. So how to to load your gun? For every time I paused it, I put another bullet in. Now we're gonna put the damn warning on this episode.

Not again. Put the bullet in, spin the chamber, lock it in. The deer hunter style. It's become addicted. Christopher, that no.

You know? Don't do it, dad. So I I walked away. First off, when the credits rolled, I was like, oh, fucking. Thank Christ.

And I immediately started watching Casino Royale from 2006, and that was nice. That was a good choice. Delightful. So I gave this movie, 1 Woody Allen burning in hell. 1 I did.

I mean 1 Soon. Unpleasant. Wait. He's not dead. Right?

In the in the movie, he was. Oh, that's true. And he did go to burn in hell. I've forgotten because, I genuinely was so happy that it was over that I immediately turned it off and did not watch the end credits, which I meant to. Like, I meant to watch the end credits to see what was going on.

I just turned it off. I did too. I had a I had a thought where I was like, oh, I should have watched those credits, but I'm No. I'm not going to do that. I do I do I will notice I noticed a song from this, and I realized it was the sex Stewie sexy party song from from Family Guy is taken directly from this, not shocking.

The foam party. Are you gonna like cut that in? Because I don't know it. I don't know. I might.

Paul might be able to find it. It's a it's Stewie's sexy party and it's the foam scene in this. Literally, they lift that song. That's the only thing I was like, oh, I recognize that. I wanna say really quick too before we start digging into this chronologically.

So I think little Stanny Kubrick, the, you know, the like, John Houston and the giant list of guys who directed this had seen doctor Strangelove and probably some of Kubrick's work. But I think Kubrick has seen this because I I feel like I see little touches of it through his work, little Jay Rochi, little Joey Dante, Edgar Wright, Timmy Burton, Johnny Landis. Can we Steve Kilian? Talk about Dario Argento. Killing.

Because the killing is a much better movie than this one. I guess study's not good. I studied the Kilian in college. Is it good? Did you really?

Yeah. Is it good? Yeah. Have you not seen it, Paul? No.

Yeah. The Killing is, I would say, the greatest use of narrative, like, voice over in the history of film. It is Wow. It's great. It's the whole movie is brilliant, and everyone should go out there and watch that instead of this.

Can I play this real quick? Please. George, do you know what it's time for? A sexy party. Holy shit.

Playing music, question mark? Which means Zoom probably I have set up your professional settings, you jackasses. That's what it says right now. I have I have, a working theory that Bert Baccarat did not know what movie he was working on. Well, when you do that much cocaine, I'm sure that's probably let's let's start at the beginning of this meeting real quick.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Please. Jump into it. Dark dumb movie.

Stack the RWBY. Stack the RWBY. And now, our feature presentation. We're gonna do it. I I have a question right up front.

The first bond we see in that very first moment before the credits is Peter Stone. Okay. And then he goes through to him until 1 hour and 11 minutes into the movie. Well, an hour and a half same sleep. It it like this movie has essentially a, 1 hour flashback about 30 seconds since the movie.

Well, and I know you really like the credits. I like the credits too, but it also it feels more like Monty Python than Bond, which I know is probably kinda what they're going for. Am I also like, am I off with the with I I have trouble with the tone. Yeah. Do you believe it?

Oh my god. The tone of this movie is Oh, wait. Wait. Awful. Wait.

Would you like to hear this note, from me? Who was this movie made for? Yeah. That's a great question. That's a really good question, Dave.

Like, sick, old, perverted, like like, like, people who are just ribos. So. I'm ribos. No. I'm I'm cheeky.

I totally disagree. I I totally disagree with that. I think it was everything in this movie is a 100%, for no one. It's like no You know what it reminds me of? Sorry.

It reminds me of when we had the, spoof boom of the early 2000, like the spoof movies. It reminds me of a late stage version a late stage version of one of those. Wow. Like, one of those That's not Like, disaster That's not a terrible thought. That's not a terrible thought.

My my very first note that is not about the credits, and I have 3, 4 notes about the credits, is what the hell is royal jelly? And what like, he so John John Houston plays him, And he is Legend of the director. Yeah. And He's in a different movie. He's not in this movie.

And it is it it's a a brilliant monologue when he's in that car and they're driving to the estate. And he says things like, you know, he eats royal jelly and he has time set aside for WC. And then he pulls his intestines out and cleans them. Hey, did you guys not? I I hear this part?

I don't think I heard most of this movie. It would I was so distracted by lions so quickly in that moment where I'm like, wait. Now we're where are we? Why are we? What?

There are so many intricately woven, like, pieces of dialogue in the in the first half hour of this movie. And they are there's some technical brilliance in the in the crafting of the lines initially in this movie. And then it goes after, like, the 30 minute mark. When when you hit when you hit your cocaine high. Right?

Like, it's a ramp up from the 2 from, like, initially snorting the first line. And then, like, up into up until the point of no return. Right? You've got the bell curve of cocaine usage. And, you know, at your apex, because you're you're you're starting with really and and again, I go back.

Don't do this. But go back and watch What is happening? Go back and watch the first couple at least the first monologue. No. You have, like, the first 30 minutes is an easy thing to watch.

No. I'm gonna okay. I'm gonna do I'm gonna do my best here. So we get through the credits. We've met John Houston who's m or McTaggit, McTaggart, McDonald's.

And Bill Holden. Bill Holden's in it too. And and all sorts of folks who are all these, like, world leaders, and they are going to get James Bond out of retirement because all these spies are getting killed, and they need him. And James Bond is like, bitches, like, I don't need y'all. And the way that David Niven breaks down that that first monologue that David Niven has where he's like Awesome.

Wonderful. Gentle gentleman spying and all this other stuff that he's going on about that he's like, no. I don't need this in my life. It's like, you know, spoilers for no time to die. It's one of those things in no time to die where like, no, James, you can never retire quietly.

The only thing for you to to retire quietly is to die. Which is why No Time to Die. Yeah. But, Paul, what you just said happened in less than a minute. Yeah.

What you're explaining happened in, like, 15 minutes. Right. Yeah. I was you're not wrong. And then the movie goes off the rails quick.

He goes to Scotland, and he's having sexy parties with 16 year old girls. They they do they try to establish some things. Like, they try to establish, like, David Nivens, like, oh, you mean my namesake? Like, another shrimp on the barbie. Where am I?

Where are we? But Dave What's the where are we? But David Nivens says there are many double o sevens. There are many He's referencing bond. He's referencing Sean Connery.

That is the only thing I think so too. Right? And and Othello. This is a a thing that I never noticed, the first, you know, times that I watched it because I haven't seen this movie in probably, you know, 20, 25 years. I can't imagine why.

Right. But what I what I never noticed before is that all of the stuff with the 16 to 19 year old girls, is Oh my goodness. It's a it's a really weird, like, I don't when was when was Holy Grail, made? 91? No.

You're thinking of Last Crusade because you immediately go to Indiana Jones. I know it's 89. Monty Monty Python and the Holy Grail was 7070? Okay. So they they have really really similar jokes in that scene where Galahad goes to the convent and they're, you know, it's a very similar scene.

And the the point of the scene is the same. And it's not about, James, because the the weird conceit is that James Bond is celibate. Yeah. What the fuck is that about? It's so strange.

It's never explained why that is the linchpin, but apparently, like, getting all these men to sleep with them and hook up with them and make them complacent is, like, their whole plan of how to, like Alright. So yeah. So we plenty of the people who haven't seen this movie, Smursh or Smursh or whatever Smursh. Has set up Smursh. This Smursh.

Fake, mansion of fake daughters of m to try to get An ethnic Terry's dead Yeah. Except his toupee. Try to get photos of bond with these, young women nude. For why? For what?

Blackmail? Question mark? To whom? For why? Well, no.

No. Go ahead. It's explained it's explained by, the widow McTerry or McTavish or How dare you? McTerry. Terry.

Samsonite. Who, who says that it's all about trying to debase who James Bond thinks he is. Like, and, I I don't know. That I was like, okay. Like, I I can see that.

However, this scene these scenes are going on entirely too long. The problem is also James Bond is a famous womanizer throughout literature and cinema. So so I think that, like, what they're doing here is they're they're trying to, like, say, okay. No. The James Bond you know is that guy.

That's that's Sean Connery. Yeah. And David Niven, the real James Bond hates that guy. So Sean Connery's dead in this universe. He's been he's been killed or he's been captured or what or he's doing TV, they say.

In Tokyo. In Tokyo. Because what came out that year? You only live twice That's right. Where James Bond is killed in a geisha house in Tokyo.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is exactly yes. Of course. They say it.

And we so so they so David even hates that James Bond. And he's like and Sean Hannity hates he hates him. That, I was I was on board for that. The the whole, you know, James Bond's active during World War 1 thing. It's kinda rad.

I I'm not gonna lie. I am and I will I will not, pretend that my brain did not wander into what would James Bond have been like in World War 1 while I was watching this movie because this movie is so hard to watch. I was, like, imagining Homer Simpson style other movies going on while I was watching this movie. I Is that our first Simpsons reference of the No. We've had a few.

Okay. I I By tonight? Yeah. Yeah. We'll know in the edit.

There will be more to come. Keep them coming. What does it matter who's first? All that matters is that they keep happening. Alright.

Star Wipe. As much as possible. No. I so when they when all of this this harem of adopted sex slaves that McTary has Oh, jeez. That are between 16 19 are I like that we're still here.

Undressing Bond. And Oh my gosh. And, like, in 18 minutes into the movie, Bond is naked in a bathtub with a child. You're deleting. I know.

Okay. So And then it and it's, like, it's so hard to stay on board with this movie for so many reasons. As the the father of 2 adopted daughters, I will say gross, number 1. I do have the note here, what the what the fudge is up with the daughters. The the fact that he then walks by the door and the door opens, and there's just a girl in lingerie smoking It's a whorehouse.

It's a whorehouse. It is. But then I will okay. This is what I'll say. Buttercup, the girl in the bath, her performance is off the hook.

It's great. Like, she is wonderful. She nails every line. Yep. She nails the whole scene.

It is my favorite performance in the movie. And you know what? And yeah. She was just 17. You know what I mean.

It's true. It's a different time. We have to admit. 18 year old girls married 40 year old dudes at this time. So let's let's Jerry Lee Lewis married, like, his 9 year old cousin or whatever.

Do you wanna get into Woody Allen again or should we move keep going? We will at some point. But the the all these failed attempts at seducing James Bond, it's almost like this thing where it's like they're the movie is, like, trying to be like, this guy is so much different than Connery. He, like, he he's he's bulletproof. He's ironclad.

He's a gentleman's gentleman. Like, that's not what he's about. Like but it's like, it does not carry that way at all. Could we could we get to the part where there's conflict? Does anybody know how the ball tossing thing happens where the guy enters his back?

What how do we That's another that's another to me that just fell flat. I I thought it was supposed to be funny, and it wasn't. It was not funny at all. I will say that, Deborah Kerr saying doodle me, maybe last That's funny. That would be that would be the first time.

It was it the first time I laughed? Oh, no. No. No. I laughed at the smoking girl.

That I genuinely laughed out loud. Doodle me, I genuinely laughed out loud. Can I ask when you say genuinely laughed out loud, was it like a No? No. No.

Like a a guffaw. Like, I it was it was funny to me. It's a good usage of that word. Yeah. Guffaw?

Yeah. Word score. I have a good word. I have a tattooed I have a tattooed right here. Yes.

Oh, he does he has it tattooed on his penis with 16 w's. No. My the very first time I I actually guffawed in the movie was when she says, it's now it's but a heirloom. Yes. I wrote that down.

I did not, laugh at it, but I wrote it down because I Was it a classic existed. Was it a classic Dave Maguire? That's funny. There's not a laugh. It's just that's funny.

See, I didn't laugh. I'll I'll admit this. I didn't laugh once, but I expelled I expelled some air a few times. Yeah. He shat himself, people.

So That's what I meant. Yeah. I didn't in protest. Like okay. So again, in my in my defense of the, dialogue that's written in the first half hour of this movie, the fact that they use the term escube, which is like ancient Scottish for whiskey.

I mean, the thing is, it's like somebody knew what they were doing with the first 30 pages of this script. And they knew what they were doing. And then, I don't know, it got taken over. So Oh, yeah, maybe. But so James Bond totally wins this, random thing where he's, throwing, big balls around with shirtless bagpipers.

It's in the it's it's solid as a rock. Bezos bagpipers balls. I'm the best. I just so I want to so I my notes skip from here because this movie skips. Yep.

I just the the pheasant hunting I felt like I got punched I felt like I got punched in the face, and I was, like, watching a series of different movies strung together. We have the pheasant hunting with the remotes that are apparently smurched ladies trying to use grouse. Thank you. Brows. To to kill James Bond, but family heirloom has fallen in love with him and wants to save him, and she she, like, gets him out.

And there's, like, this Benny Hill style, like, sped up car chick. I I almost wanna be, like, baby. And they straight up explode those chicks that are chasing James Bond. Yeah. They straight up blow them up.

Also, rightly so. Nothing okay. Fair. Not none of the fun action bits are filmed well. No.

No. No. No. No. They whoever would whoever is directing this, if it was John Houston, John Houston apparently doesn't know how to film action, which is weird.

Who knows exactly what, who knows who was doing what when at what time? Yeah. You know I It's like It's this is like No clue. This is like movie 47 or whatever that movie was called. 43?

43? Is that what you mean? Banks and a bunch of people. I don't did you say Elizabeth Banks? I think it's Elizabeth Banks and a bunch of other folks.

I just saw is it our because I'm at a hotel, you know, and, there's the TV here. I was flipping through the channels, and I stopped. That's wild. It's, like, maybe, 2 and a half minutes of our idiot brother. With Paul Rudd?

Yeah. Yeah. Not to be confused with Paul Root. I don't know. I hire Paul.

I'm always higher. Give me a higher Paul. Thank you. I'm always the highest Paul. Steve Winick.

Oh, no. Crime clean that out in the edit. Elizabeth Banks is is awful in that movie. Like, I like, she's really bad. And, like, I'm I'm not, again, like, I'm I apologize if I'm ruining any of your careers because I worked directly with Elizabeth I'm canceling that out and saying Shannon rules in wet hot American summer.

So what She's great. Great. Even though she tastes like burger now, and I don't like her anymore. I work with a different Elizabeth Elizabeth Credit Union. Sorry.

Elizabethtown? Elizabeth Banks, Elizabeth Credit Union. Elizabeth Okay. Not the IC. Do not irreverently reference Cameron Crowe.

Oh, yeah. That's very fair. I'm a big I'll we're gonna show you the money later. I'm a big You'll see. I'm a big Vanilla Sky fan.

You know what? I've never seen Jerry Maguire. That's fine. But have you seen aloha? But have you seen aloha?

Is that a movie? Oh, dude. You go to hell. You go right to hell. You told me not to besmirch the great Cameron Crowe, and you haven't seen aloha after I bought you 3 copies.

Aloha, is that a real movie? Yeah. It's a it's a famous movie where Emma Stone plays a half Japanese Yeah. Character. You know what?

So this is where, we get Jimmy Bond, the nephew of Oh my gosh. Woody Finally. Woody Woodrow, woodpecker alien. Okay. The again, I The world's greatest basketball playing actor director.

I don't know if Woody Allen wrote the first 30 pages of this script or whatever, but I will say that his line, I have a very low threshold of death, made me laugh out loud. Yeah. And then the joke of him climbing over the wall from one execution to another execution was hilarious. And I I, again, laughed out loud genuinely at that moment. Because it is vintage, Wuyuan.

And regardless of, how awful a human being he is, the he writes very well. I have way back from or, I don't I don't know when he became an awful human being. Can can we can anybody verify when that happened? The accusations happened in, like, 93. Okay.

The original ones. Okay. But I don't think we all became really that cognizant of it until, like, 10 years ago. Okay. Then then that's fair.

Okay. I'll take that as, as my cue, because I I have no idea when I bought a double, album of Woody Allen stand up. It is genuinely some of the funniest stand up I've ever heard. Like, the guy, he nails it. I mean, it's long so long before you know, Norm Macdonald is out there or long before the long bit really has its modern, heyday, with Norm Macdonald, who I think is my favorite comedian of all time.

Woody Allen was doing these long bits where the the punch line came well into into the story. They're genuinely funny and the guy is genuinely funny. And these moments are absolutely a 100% written by Woody Allen. Like, they are Woody Allen jokes. I laughed.

I laughed at them. I'm not a bad person. No. You're not a bad person. I I think the thing that Yes.

I am. They're also say there are a lot of other there are a lot of other things that do make him a very bad person. I don't know enough about you to call you a bad person, but if you know Paul, you're definitely bad person by proxy. Questionable. Like, yeah.

Borderline. But I will say, I think that that some of the comedy that falls flat for me at least is I'm a big Mel Brooks fan. And I feel like some and I feel like some of the filming and delivery of the jokes just isn't as strong as like, I was imagining that climbing the thing falling into the next one in, like, blazing saddles. It could be a joke in there. And I I could just imagine that there, and it would be funnier.

And I there was something about it that just didn't ring us. When did, Ben, when did Blazing Saddles come out? 70 76? 74? I don't know.

I what is the ending in Blazing Saddles 100% based on the ending of this film? Well, I mean, I was thinking at the end of this movie, I thought the same thing where what happens though is, like, with Mel Brooks movies too. Right? They they they get to a threshold where the jokes no longer there's no longer a place for anything to go, and so it's just chaos and mayhem, which definitely this movie does first. Right?

Yes. Same with holy grail. I mean Yeah. I I don't know. You I here's the thing.

Is that all three of us as, you know, facially, haired, white male American males from Armchair quarterbacks? Eighties. Like Yeah. So I I was 1941. Yeah.

I was I was born in 1980. You guys were born a little bit later than me. Paul was born as a Nordstrom brand, like a like an off rack Nordstrom brand. Paul was born as a Domino's advertisement. He is the Noid.

Yeah. He is the Noid. I I tell you, he would be he would be the Noid, if the Noid was actually filmed by those weird, Quiznos, hamsters. While in a Kia Soul? Yeah.

While in a Kia Soul. Did you did you ever know my buddy, Justin? He he I think he was the guy who came up with that Kia Soul ad. Oh, wow. Do you remember do you remember Justin?

Like, the the No. He was the guy who did the the hamsters and the keys over there. No. I hate I hate to do this. I'm gonna get us back on track.

1 of us is No. No. That's just I'm I'm about to do it. I'm on track right now. I'm on track right now.

I I don't know what in British filmmaking was the sort of, genesis of that style. This, then after this comes Holy Grail, then after that comes Blazing Saddles. And all of these are these movies are the the same movie. They're not they're not in quality the same movie, but they are in practice the same movie. And it kind of like not only blew my mind, but made me extremely angry.

Please, thoughts. I I can see that. I don't know if I fully can put, like, Blazing Saddles in with that. But The terms of the spoofness. Yeah.

No. I get that. Yeah. I the thing for me with I compared this kind of to airplane in my head was the first thing that it went to for me where it was like, this was obviously making fun of Bond movies, which were really hot at the time, still are. And then Airplane is making fun of disaster movies, which were wildly hot at the time.

But as we were talking about some of these great spoof people, I'll throw the Zuckers in there for hotshots part due and for Airplane. It's one of those things. It's so hard to have they try way too hard at making a really complex plot in this movie as to where airplane the plot is, like, we don't want the plane to crash. Like, that's and and that's how spoofs work is it it they're more successful when your story is so basic. Sir James Bond is now taking over MI 6 or whatever they are.

That's right. Right? And all of the double o's or double even the double o's there's a bunch double o sevens in this which is really odd to me and I'm not quite sure what that joke is. But they're all most of them are gone. David Niven says they're gonna call every single agent double o seven to throw off Smursh from killing the right double o seven or what there's no logic to it.

Okay. So can I like, just a real quick parenthetical is that I, for years, after I'd not seen this movie for years, assumed it was filmed after they changed the James Bond actor, But it wasn't? Oh. Like, isn't that like so, I mean, all the the joke if the joke is, like, oh, they can't use the same actor as James Bond, that makes that joke kind of make sense in a way. Yeah.

But that's not joke doesn't make any damn sense because it's only Sean Connery. He's the only guy who's ever played Jake Spohn Right. Up to this point. And so they know that there's is this when they introduced the sheath? They no.

This is where, like, we're still at moneypenny testing out agents. Agents test the agent testing out lady. So the whole thing vesper lady. Is that there's a bunch of lady spies that are trying to kill double o's, And they're trying to get a double o they're trying to get a bond why. Right.

But they're trying to get a bond who will be they could've just found a gay one, but apparently that wasn't an option. So they're just finding bonds who weren't susceptible to the the feminine ways. Right. Well so we go through this whole deal of people testing people, kissing people, how sexually attractive they are. And it comes to, like, a point that, like, actually grabbed me in the movie where we get look of love and the aquarium and Ursula Andress and and Peter Sellers, like, walking behind it kind of in slow mo.

I was like, well, this is cool. I'm like, I I totally on board with this. I I do want to call out though that there are 2 scenes, both the Scottish castle scene and where, Sir James Bond meets Moda Bond. Where there's, like, weird incest jokes. Right.

Yeah. In the same movie. Yeah. I wanna make it with you, dad. Within, like, within, like, not minutes, but, like, an hour of each other, which is such a weird Dude, I don't know if they'd know what movie they were making.

At every turn in every moment, it's like David Niven, gotta bone him. That's everybody's perspective. And he's like a 65 year old man. I I mean, he's he's very handsome. He carries himself well.

He's charming. Be fair. Yeah. Sure. Right?

Yeah. Sure. But he looks like he works for the empire. Okay. And now we've got very, like Yeah.

Sharp face. Yeah. Grand Moff talking to I wanted to I wanted to work for the empire. Me too. I yeah.

And I bet the trains ran on time. Dude, this they're so snappy, like, in terms of the universe. Good cut. You know what? Here's here's my here's my big problem with the Empire case for email.

You you watch watch all of these, prequel movies. Right? And they're just, you know, you've got Coruscant in every single one. Oh, yes. Coruscant in every single one.

And it in no way is, commerce on Coruscant ever interrupted by these ongoing galactic Nope. Nope. They keep it tight, bro. Keep it tight. Every every movie, there is, you know, lots of, you know, rush hour traffic.

There's there's commerce. Everything's the the the economy is doing just fine. And What's the problem? What's the big deal? No problem.

I don't know. Like, it's not as though freedom. They're putting not as they're not putting Wookies in camps. They're not, Well, they do do that. Yeah.

No. So this is where Peter Sellers goes to Q branch. Oh, geez. Are we still talking about this movie? Dude, and they watch Well, so they they need somebody who can play baccarat against Right.

And that's the whole idea. That's why they go after Evelyn, whatever his name is. And they they talk to Remble. They talk about, isn't that a girl's name? No.

It's my name. Probably the one line from the movie I remember from when I was 12. Oh. I so and that is, I was watching the movie, on came Ursula Andress and she says and you know of course when I was watching this movie I had no idea that that was Ursula Andress from doctor No. But she says isn't that a girl's name?

And he says and I mouthed Like, no. It's my name. I remember that from when I was 12 years old. Anyway, keep going. No.

It it's, he's a q branch, and they're going through the gadgets that he's gonna get or whatever. And he gets, like, a two way video watch, Mhmm. Which, they say they stole that from a comic strip in America, which has gotta be from Dick Tracy. It does. I mean, I'm Dick I'm Dick I'm pruned now I'm pruned Tracy.

No? Hey, Cooper. This is a guys. Tracy. Did you guys do the that movie on this podcast?

No. Lord, no. Nobody's gonna bring Dick Tracy. That'll never happen. Unless Warren Beatty wants to guess to make sure that the rights still remain in his name, he we will never do that that movie.

Yeah. So my dad took us to the mall to go shoe shopping back in, 1990. Of course. And so I saw because we were walking by the movie theater, that Dick Tracy was playing. I said to my dad, dad, will you please take us to see Dick Tracy?

And he went to a pay phone and picked it up and put a quarter into it and called my mom and asked her, can I take the boys to go see Dick Tracy? And she said yes. And I got to go into a movie theater and watch that movie which I loved every second of when I was 10 years old. Sure. I have, like, so many and I I realize now in my old age at 43 that I should've asked you to do that movie.

I would've been interested in rewatching that. I haven't seen it in a while. So this is for me where the movie has never been on the rails, but now we're not anywhere near rails. Like, we're, like, we're on hoverboards. We're, on hovercrafts.

We're under the water. It took us flying. Yeah. It took us an hour and a half, I believe, to get to a casino. Dude, we're still dealing with his daughter who wants to sir James Bond's daughter who wants to bang him There's so much we can robot.

There's so much we can skip in this movie. Dude, let let's just get to our balance. Yeah. Ben, I will say that, you put on the 2006 Casino Royale, almost none of which takes place in a casino. So But gambling takes place very quickly.

It's it's true. At the resort, at the resort. Messing with yet. Yeah. It's true.

But gambling does start I'm I'm a little scamp. He he is quite this little scamp. He's a little scampy. No. Oh, so Orson Wells finally shows up, and Peter Sellars has been gone forever, and now he's suddenly back.

And Right. Peter Sellars has there's some weird, like, editing things where his glasses are on his face, and then they're not. And then we meet missus Good Thighs, and there's, like, date date drugs and not date Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait. Drug shampoo, which is champagne. Do you not remember any of this? The dream sequence.

This is where we go into that. Yeah. I this is okay. No. The dream the dream sequence is yeah.

Okay. So he takes the the Vuve Clico, which I I recognize, the bottle of champagne because I was, the first time I ever had Luca Fico, I was given a bottle on the set of Ugly Betty. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I took I took it back to, my girlfriend at the time who's now my wife, and we open up this bottle of, you know, expensive champagne and we try it.

We're like, this is disgusting. We hate this. Will you tell me what the rainfall was that year? Do you know what It was a yeah. The point 4 6 inches.

And what was the corn growth like? Was that good or was it problematic? Or Roughly the height of Paul's eye. That's not bad. That's about that's about 3 foot 2.

That's pretty good. I mean, also the the Yeah. The point the point 46 inches is also pleasing too. You have to remember that it's very important. That's very, very hard.

I agree. All the soft point for 6 engines. So I the the Under Scott. The missus Good Thighs thing, who is, who is that? That's somebody famous.

It's Jacqueline Bissett plays, Yes. As, yeah, as Jackie Bissett. I saw that. Yeah. Yeah.

And she wants to drug him with in the Cleco, but he puts an antidote in it, and then he drinks from bottle didn't work? And calls it shampoo, and then has a fever drink. I was so confused. I Was this the was this the, origins of the fembots in Austin Powers? I thought the same thing, my dude.

Okay. Okay. Same thing, bro. We're we're back to literally everything about this movie is some other movie. Every filmmaker since 1967 and some of them before have seen this movie and have, like, incorporated some aspect of this movie into their films.

There's so many good visual things about this movie for, like, frames, for, like, moments. I got that. I got that right here. The, German expressionist mansion is beautiful. It's so beautiful.

I want, by the way, every piece of artwork in this film on my wall. A lot of it's cool. You want the the ugly daughter from the m mansion? Do you want the tiger with the living tongue? The dead tiger with the living tongue?

All the naked all the naked women paintings? Only only in my luxurious bath. I I can't get over, like I was watching this movie and thinking, oh, Austin Powers isn't necessarily a spoof of bond. It's a spoof of a spoof of bond. Like, where Yes.

Austin Powers interesting. Right? Because It makes me wanna rewatch Austin Powers because I feel like that movie for me had not aged well up until a few years ago. And now I feel like I would maybe like it better. That's because like people say like scream is a satire of of Halloween.

Scream rules and Scary Movie is a spoof of Scream. So it's like a spoof of spoof. And this is, Austin Powers, spoof of a spoof. Yeah. Let me ask you guys this.

Did either of you expect that when Peter Sellers went into, Vesper's, closet, that he was gonna come out fully decked out by Boston Powers. I had a Right. Yeah. In the dress up case. That he was gonna come out in a blue velvet suit with, like, the the frilly collar.

I just thought up as a Nazi. He was dressed up as Woah. Vatrec. Which is bizarre. Toulouse Vatrec, Napoleon Napoleon.

But why? Why? Because Peter Sellers thought it was funny. Probably. I guess.

It makes no it makes no sense in the context. 0 freaking So in terms of that, portion well shows ahead. Why? It it that it's part of the whole, like And his eyes don't bleed. Well, he's Orson Wells shows up and kinda does the Orson Wells thing that, like, advanced from Orson Wells to Marlon Brando to Steven Seagal.

Similar talents, similar greatness all the way through. And now and then just got to the point where they they just sit. They it's Please stab Paul. It's so bizarre that Paul is dead. Citizen Kane.

Citizen Kane. It was Citizen Kane. Paul is dead. But was Citizen Kane. The the so he gets to the casino and they Nobody got that.

They played baccarat. And what's the thing with, like, the hovering body in front? There's so much that's happening in No. He's distracting everybody for some reason. Yeah.

But, no, it doesn't make any sense because he's not, like, he's not using that distraction to cheat at the game. He's wearing infrared glasses to cheat. Yeah. Yeah. It it it it doesn't make any sense.

None of the magic stuff has anything to do with why he's good at baccarat. Well, and the thing this is how I know not to trust him. No. Yeah. Baccarat.

Burt Baccarat. This is how I know not to trust him. He goes, this is just an ordinary Paisley shawl. It's like, bitch, there's no such thing as an ordinary Paisley shawl. Like, every Paisley shawl I've ever seen is extraordinary.

I know it. You know it. He's a liar. I I've not kept track of times that I laughed out loud, but I got another one. And it was when, p like, Urs Landress says, that's the chief.

And Peter Sellers backs away from the mirror, and she goes, don't worry. It's a one way mirror. And he goes, which way? And I I laughed. That was so loud.

The magic tricks and the cringe impressions and so many things that are happening at the table, I can't help but also wonder, like, why is Le Chiffre allowed to deal? Okay. So that is a genuine baccarat thing. So So the guy who's hosting the game gets to deal all the time? So he so baccarat is so here's the thing.

You have to get closest to 9 without going over. That's that's one of the the tenants of baccarat. The second thing is that it a player acts as the bank. So that's why I say, like, Like monopoly. Yeah.

Exactly like monopoly. Gotcha. Except in baccarat, if you're the bank, you actually are the bank. Like, you put down enough money to cover all the other bets. That's the Oh, wow.

That's the thing that I only know this because I giant James Bond nerd. So when I was 12 or 13 years old, checked out a book on playing baccarat at the library so I could understand what was going on in Casino Royale. If that's not the kettlebell. That reminds me of another better movie than this, Gross Point Blank, which, is a movie that everybody should watch. Here's another movie that's better than this, Collision Course with Jay Leno and Pat Morita.

I just rewatched that. I've I've always been a Letterman guy. I didn't like that movie, but I was better. Did I ever tell you my, Jay Leno story? I don't know.

So, Ben, I'll tell you my Jay Leno story because you're my, better friends now. I was, I was driving in, in the family minivan on the way back from, church on the the five freeway there, near Burbank. I I see this, like, early sixties, mid sixties, like, baby blue, convertible driving on the the freeway, you know, a couple of lanes over. And and I like classic cars, so I'm not I'm not a I'm not dead. And, and and so I'm like, I pull up, aside this class car because I I wanna see it.

And I look in, and and I was like, that's Jay Leno. And and I turn to my wife, Kathy, and they say, it this is weird for me because I genuine that was a genuine reaction to seeing Jay Leno. I had no idea that's how I would react. I thought I would be a lot cooler. Like, I'd be, hey, it's Jay Leno out there.

Jay Leno. Got a Got a cool car. But I, like, in in my art of hearts, like, I had this reaction to seeing Jay Leno that I never thought I would, see. And, then a couple years later You're that guy from Collision Course with Pat Morita. Exactly.

So I walk into my, garage, and there are boxes of Christmas ornaments that I'd never seen before. And, we get a call from a friend of ours who, plays in a string quartet, and apparently, she was playing a string quartet at Jay Leno's house. And, on her way out, they were like, hey. You want these boxes of Christmas ornaments? And she said yes.

And then she brought them to my house and dropped them off in the garage, which she knew would be over. Those are my Jay Leno stories. I'm sorry we're gonna get through this movie. I'm so sorry. I'm so tired of the popular movie.

I feel like we should fast forward. No. I okay. So another moment that I genuinely laughed was, like, I'm concerned that you're, like, a French guy with a Scots accent, and he goes, worries me too. That kinda Me too.

That was funny. That was funny. And at a point when Peter Sellers and, I think Ursula Andresser, whomever, like bouncing around in the afterlife or in this dream or whatever, they're like, who are you? Are you this person, that person? And Peter Sellers says, no.

I'm Peter O'Toole. And the guy says, then you are the finest damn human being that's ever lived that's ever been is Peter O'Toole. That's Peter O'Toole saying that to him. Yeah. It's Yeah.

It's really it's it's really funny, really weird. And so at that moment, I remembered, like and it you know, I'm flashing back 30 years to when I last saw this movie. And I remember I only remember the Scottish castle scene and the fog scene and the scene where the, Native American double o sevens are jumping out of airplanes Oh, Lord. With the peace on their backs. Like, those are the holy things I remember about this movie.

I don't remember anything else. Yeah. So Le Chiffre is being beat. A dude literally pops out of a TV and just shoots him in the head, Like, out of nowhere Oh, but that's the end of him. When he's torturing, Evelyn slash James Bond slash double o seven or whatever Yeah.

He's also sitting on a chair with no seat. And I was like, that happens in In the 2000s. And I was like, yes. In the book? Or It is.

It is in the book. Okay. A chair with no Yeah. The gym is a torture device. It's it's not a, a knotted rope.

If I remember correctly, and I think I I think he it's like a carpet beater. And he beats beats his testicles with a carpet beater. Oh, okay. Yeah. You're probably gonna get, a lot of hate in your comments because I'm wrong.

But I don't It's just gonna be you commenting to yourself. This dude pops out of the TV and, like, wouldn't you know it, out of fucking nowhere, Woody Allen was behind everything. He's doctor Noah. The fucking bad guy, and his nefarious plot was killing Which is definitely, like, a Jewish joke. Right?

I think so. I didn't even think of that. I thought so. That makes sense. But his plot what I thought It's a bad joke.

His plot is I'm gonna kill all of the men that are taller than 4 foot 6, and I'm gonna replace all of the world leaders, and I'm gonna use this aspirin that's a fit that's essentially filled with nanobots, nanomachines, whatever. No time to die. Like, you're gonna swallow this, and you're gonna be filled with things that can kill you or whatever. This is like a, like a beginning dark dark helmet. It is.

Yeah. Well and and Woody Allen, who's a writer, director, etcetera, says, amok. And Dave, I think, knows what I'm about to say. It's not a mok. It's a mock.

Technically, in modern tense, both are correct, but fuck that. It is amok. If you look it up, amok is in a violently raging wild or uncontrolled manner used in the phrase to run amok. It is amok. Amok time.

Amok. I want to yeah. You're everything. Stop it. Stop it.

It's like one of my dumb things that I get annoyed about. It doesn't exist. I know. I get I get annoyed at literally everything. What I did not get annoyed at in this movie was its use of miniatures at the very end for no reason.

Yeah. I I was I was all on board for that. It literally like, that came out of nowhere. Had no, but but I was like, oh, a miniatures. I'm engaged again.

I I don't know what's gonna happen with this, but The baddies hoisted by his own petard in terms of his pill, and that's, like, what's Stop him. But you know what makes me mad about that is that it is his plot is, like, I wanna kill every, man or Tall man. That he's threatened to buy because he feels sexually inadequate. Who knew that was gonna turn out to be true? I get it.

I I It's dumb. And it's dumb. It's dumb. But then he's like and and every woman will turn beautiful. That's the other aspect of of this thing.

But then is also introduced the the atomic bomb pill, which was not Right. At all referenced in the plot summary. You know? So it's it's almost like they either forgot about it or they had I don't know, guys. I hate to break it to you guys.

I'm done talking about this movie. I am too. I know. Me too. I'm over it.

I don't I don't wanna talk about it anymore. There've been a lot of besides up to and including the time that Dave saw Jay Leno. So Which is the subtitle of this episode. By the way, Dave saw Jay Leno. Dave Dave knows this.

By the way, Jay Leno, all of his car cleaning products are from CrimeClean. That's right. You'll find everything you need in the bucket. It is. So here we are.

We're at the end. Let's stick with the same order. Dave, we just talked about this. What was your original rating? 1, 1a half?

My original rating after like, upon seeing it today, which is when I watched it. It's And now and now talking through it, it's 1? I tried I tried to talk myself in the like, did more because I laughed out loud a few times. I it's not good. This is a terrible movie.

It's it's it's really it's funny. We we spend so much time on this program, giving a lot of credit to the things that came first. And this is a movie that clearly, like, a lot of filmmakers, Saan went, oh, I like that. Oh, I like that. There are things that I see that I there are couple things that I see that I like.

There are few times that I laugh, but, again, there's so much shit that's so cringe Yeah. And just not executed well. And and, like, everybody wanting to fuck David Niven all the time, like, gets a little bit weird by, like, minute 6, whatever it is. I'm going to go from a 1 and a half to 1. I can't imagine recommending this to anybody for any reason.

There are a couple things that are okay about it, but it's not. There are a couple things about it that are okay, but it doesn't redeem it. I don't think I'm surprised I don't think I'm surprising anybody. I'm sticking at 1. Yeah.

We're all at 1 now. There you go. We had a half inch move, and that was Paul. Guess There you go. You always know.

Paul. They go half an inch. It's the most that anyone can give, stupid. 0.46. Hello?

We've talked about this. 100% is the most that anyone by definition can give. That is the most by definition that I can give. This was an absolute pleasure. It was nice to meet you.

We'll have to do it in person. This was better this was better than watching the movie. It was by every Oh, no. I agree. It's like It's a Yeah.

Genuinely coming into this, I was like, I like, why? Why is this? Indeed. We all came around at a one. I wanna mention that our book and themes are by Jamie Henwood, and our what are we watching theme is by Matthew Foskett.

Our lead ins are done by the gentleman sitting to my left, mister Benjamin McFadden. Of course, you can follow us on Instagram at, reviewx2podcast, and see everything we're up to date and share us with your friends and family and enemies. Yeah. Rate, comment, review, share the podcast. Yeah.

We have a good time, but we would like to expound on this. Dave, do you think we should? I I do. I mean, especially this episode. No cuts.

Snyder cuts. This is gonna be the 4 hour episode. James Bond will return. On this program we don't know. It can be difficult to get him.

If somebody brings Never Say Never Again. Well everybody out there go watch something other than this. Hey. Thanks for tuning in. You know the drill.

Bye.