Bridging the Gap: Unraveling Mental Health, Tackling Bullying, and Embracing Everyday Chaos

In today's episode we cast our spotlight on mental health. We're breaking down the walls surrounding mental health awareness, particularly for TEENS and WOMEN, and challenging the notion that adults are the sole gatekeepers of support. With personal tales and a fierce desire to change the conversation, we address the need for early warning signs, the power of peer support, and the diverse spectrum of women's mental health. Alongside these revelations, we'll share our future plans for workshops that promise to blend our expertise with real-world application.

Rounding off our heartfelt exchange, we dive—no, not dive, we leap—into the complex world of bullying and its long-lasting impacts. Our experiences shed light on the importance of resilience and setting boundaries. We wrap up with a peek at the future of the podcast, as we eagerly anticipate bringing our unique blend of advice, anecdotes, and laughter to bespoke workshops designed for you, our dedicated dumpster-diving listeners. Tune in and join the movement for a more understanding and supportive world.

Be sure to LIKE, FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE, AND SHARE! And reach out with your story - we want to hear it! Message us at dumpsterdivejj@gmail.com

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:02

you're listening to dumpster diving with janice and jane and it feels like we haven't seen each other in a couple weeks, but I feel like that's true as well I think it's true and I feel like our five listeners are going to get pissed if we don't start producing, because they're waiting and, um, you know, the truth is like our stepmom episode. I finally it's been live, but I just finally posted about it yesterday, like three weeks after mother's day, and, um, I feel like people are gonna get really disgruntled so shitty mother fashion, oh 100 100 three weeks later.

Speaker 2: 0:38

So but yes, we haven't seen each other. Um, I have a little like thing thing, this disability this morning, so I'm gonna see like how well I do. But I like you know, I sleep like I felt like I slept on my back wrong and then I worked out and now it's like that might not have been a good idea, because now I'm like getting up is going to be challenging. Maybe I'll just stay here all day.

Speaker 1: 1:00

Yeah, well, you know they say that when you do, you know, have a thing like that to stretch and and to still exercise, because you know, whatever. But you know what were you doing yesterday? Were you gardening?

Speaker 2: 1:14

No, I wasn't, that's the thing. Like I didn't, um, you know we've been out of town, so we were in on the East coast from last Tuesday until Saturday and it's for the record, everyone, memorial day happy. Memorial day.

Speaker 1: 1:25

Memorial day, here we are on holiday.

Speaker 2: 1:29

On a holiday, although I was hesitant to say it because we might not post this for a month.

Speaker 1: 1:33

So getting posted immediately, jay, but we're doing this on the holiday. We're recording the actual holiday.

Speaker 2: 1:43

That's true. That's how much we care about people. So any who? So? I wasn't like yeah, I didn't, yesterday was low-key, it wasn't. I don't know, it's just one of those weird stupid things. But you know, I mean it's like we were talking right before. We hopped on, like at at our age, like any said movement, yeah, the movement that jerks you out of, oh, I know I know, like I have, I have issues with sciatica all the time, and especially on my right.

Speaker 1: 2:04

He said movement, yeah, the movement that jerks you out of. Oh, I know, I know, like I have, I have issues with sciatica all the time, especially on my right side. And it really started when I got pregnant with my youngest daughter, jenny, and she she's a bit. She was my biggest baby. I only gained 10 pounds pregnant with her.

Speaker 2: 2:22

She's so tiny, how is she your?

Speaker 1: 2:23

biggest baby. She was nine pounds, one ounce, damn, and I gained 10 pounds when I was pregnant with her, so 90% of it was baby. Wow, yeah, that's, that's it and so. But she was sunny side up, so her back was along my back, right and within.

Speaker 1: 2:43

I think in my seventh month of pregnancy I lost all feeling in my right leg so I could walk, but it would go out on me and I couldn't lift it. Yeah, so I had to like pull my pant leg and pull my my leg into the car and I and I pretty much lost it because she was on that nerve. And so ever since then I've had so many, yeah, sciatica. And so you know, like we were talking earlier, like literally the first time I threw out my back.

Speaker 1: 3:13

You guys, I was doing some tough work. I was doing Jenny's and we were in the bathroom and you know there's a hair tie just just like this little, you know, maybe not even a gram, you know, like not an ounce, um, and it was like three feet away on the counter and we had this long counter. So instead of like taking a step and reaching, I just stood in one place and reached and as I was coming back. I felt this like tweak in my butt and that was it. Like I threw out my back like it's no joke, once you, once you've had something irritated you're done.

Speaker 2: 3:54

You're done. That's exactly right. And I, you know, for the first time a couple of months ago, started seeing a chiropractor because I, for the first time really ever, had had a thing with my lower back right, same side. So I'm sure it's all connected and, you know, gained a much greater understanding of like how all the pieces fit together and all the things and that has been working gloriously for me. And probably the issue is that the last time I saw her we were like I think we're good, but you know what, come back in a month, let's just check it. So I'm not going back to her for like three more weeks. And of course now I'm sitting here going I don't know if I can get out of this chair, so but it also could be a racket. It could be like a chiropractor racket, like she could have done something to me to make sure I needed her again. Chiropractors, if you disagree.

Speaker 1: 4:37

Comment below should start an investigation.

Speaker 2: 4:42

I feel like we should. I feel like we should All right New topic I love your hair. I so infrequently get to see your hair down. It's quite lovely yeah. I flat ironed it the other day, so it's like okay, how long does it last when you flat iron it Um, as long as I don't get it wet. Okay, got it okay nice.

Speaker 1: 5:02

You know, I wash my hair once a week and so, yeah, I washed it on Thursday. So I'll probably leave it straight until Tuesday, because Tuesday we have something gross.

Speaker 2: 5:13

I'm washing my hair oh yeah, you're gonna have to. You're gonna have to wash your hair, all right, so, um, so what are we talking about today? We're talking about mental health, health, yes, so this mental health awareness month, and we're eking it in right at the end, the end, and part of the reason it occurred to me because, truth be told to our listeners, that wasn't on our plan. Um, because we kind of do that a lot throughout. You know different episodes and stuff, but part of the reason it came to me is because, for those of you, um, five of you who listen to this podcast, if you you don't already follow me, I'll need to go follow me. But I do a video series over there, right, that's more around the space of my professional life, and I just posted today an interview with a 15 year old who, for her Girl Scout Gold Award project, wrote a book, and the book is called the Art art of mindfulness. People will be able to go see it on Amazon this summer, but it's an art book geared toward teens to help them kind of help them work through their anxiety and depression, right, so it's specifically for teen mental health. She's like giving it for free to the local teen center in her community. That's the Girl Scout part of it. She's going to be selling it on Amazon as well, because all the proceeds will then also go to that same organization, so but it just really kind of just reminded me.

Speaker 2: 6:34

Oh yeah, it's mental health month. We should probably talk about mental health. So I, for me, what I'm hoping we can do is really be laser focused on teens and women, is really be laser focused on teens and women. I feel like how to support your young person in mental health. And then also, because I feel like women and you, I would think, have an even better lens on this than I do, jane, just because of your professional role, right, but I just feel like we don't talk about mental health of women outside of like postpartum depression right, I feel like that gets a lot of attention, but that's it. We don't talk about mental health of women outside of like postpartum depression. Right, I feel like that gets a lot of attention, but that's it. We don't talk about mental health of women. And so thinking about like misconceptions for both of those groups and then things that we can do to support for both those groups, that's what I'm thinking. What are you thinking?

Speaker 1: 7:14

Yeah, and you know we can definitely talk about that, but also we could talk about, you know, there's there's definitely early warning signs of different things as well, and what we can do is talk about some of those things, um, towards the end, and just some of the things to look for, um, you know, or to pay attention to, because, yeah, they're not always our kids, they're not cookie cutters you know, exactly the same signs, warnings, conversations, and being able to identify some you know concerning talk or behavior, and then to be able to then, you know, talk to your kids and you know, and get them the proper help, because not only is it not really talked about for women other than postpartum depression or menopause, you know, oh, she's going through the change and so it's temporary and you know, and she'll just be crazy for a couple of years and then she'll be over it, or you know, whatever people say, you know it's just a thing and it will go away, but culturally there are so many different cultures that it's not talked about.

Speaker 1: 8:25

That's right, you know, and I work with a lot of people that have told me, you know, like we never talked about this stuff, that our parents have passed away, Like we need to address it with my brother or you know whatever, and they're not having, you know, they're not coping well with a death, or they don't know what to do, or just their behavior.

Speaker 1: 8:48

You know, I have a friend that, um, he has a 37 year old sister that is just reckless, reckless and and all over the place, and she torments the mom and the mom, but the mom is also feeding into it and it's like explain to him like, look, you know, this is mental health, this is not just I want to be an idiot and do these things and not care. This is, this is trauma, this is unsolved mental health issues and self-care and everything else. And I said, and until they're ready, until they realize that they need to make the changes and not everybody else, you can't, you're not going to be able to do anything. I'm hitting my head against a brick wall. I'm like you are, so you know, and and coming to realizations like that. So I mean, that's kind of where my brain goes.

Speaker 2: 9:39

Yeah, no, no, no. I think you're absolutely right. So why don't we start with um? How about we start with teens? Okay, and then we go to women, um, and then to your point.

Speaker 2: 9:49

I love the idea of coming back with um, the early warning sign kind of things, right, like things to be looking for and, um, I hope our audience has appreciated listening to our thought process in terms of how we organize this conversation. You're welcome, okay, so one of the things that you know, the thing that this young lady on LinkedIn spurred for me was a couple of memories about you know my experiences as a school principal and I can't remember if I've shared this before, but one of the things that really I think is a big misconception about teen mental health is that only adults can support them. Right, I feel like that's a major misconception, and one of the things that Emmy shared about why she wrote her book is because part of the reason she feels like teen struggle is because it's not that there are a lack of resources although we always need more but that all the resources, or many of the resources, are designed to design where adults have to be involved. Right, it's always about report, report, report, share, share, share, get an adult, get an adult. And it reminded me and I told this story on that video with her that as a high school principal I kind of got smacked into that misconception when I had a young man come to me and basically share that he the night before he had almost taken his own life and that he had reached out to a friend.

Speaker 2: 11:09

This was a kid. Who it would have been, it would have been, horrifically, one of those nobody knew, right, like what the hell? He seems happy, he seems fine, there's been no red flags, no warning signs, et cetera, and so, and interesting enough, he and I weren't particularly close, like I knew him but I didn't really know him, and so, but when he came to me and he shared that story, the reason he came to me is that his friends, you know, basically pushed him and said you have to tell your parents, you need help, and. And so he came to me because he didn't know how to talk to his parents about it. And I never, I didn't press him about the why, because the why at that time wasn't important.

Speaker 2: 11:44

I can make some assumptions about, like you're talking about, right, that there may have been a kind of a stigma and all the things. But long story short is, he and I called his parents together and they came in and then we had a conversation exact same thing that most places do which is say you know, we're here for you, tell an adult, tell an adult. If you have a friend who's struggling with anxiety or depression, tell an adult. And what it made me realize is we have to equip the kids to support each other.

Speaker 2: 12:13

And that's terrifying because we don't want the next 15 year old to be the one who gets the call that I'm about to commit suicide and is carrying the burden of that. But the fact is they're going to talk to each other before they talk to adults. So we can either equip them to know what to do when that happens or pretend it won't happen and just say tell an adult. So that was the big focus of my conversation with her, but it's also, I feel, like one of the big misconceptions we have to kind of get around. Right is this idea of adults are the only ones who can help, right right of adults are the only ones who can help.

Speaker 1: 12:42

Right, right, well, and I mean most of the time, if you think about it, how much do our? The average teen, I would say, you know, between 11 and 13 is pretty like hoodie on hood over. Don't talk to me. You know that's junior high school angst. You know that most kids have. I've definitely had that through all of my kids. You know it's just kind of like that, that routine, but you know it. It starts there, but you know it starts earlier than that. I was at um, so I did a um. Uh, I opened up a workshop on Wednesday or, I'm sorry, saturday, what day is it, I don't even know On Saturday morning for a group, a nonprofit called Marching Beauties and they do this really great work with girls of color and they bring them in and they do these big workshops with them about confidence and mental health and you know, and all the things Love it.

Speaker 1: 13:42

You know, usually typically the, the, you know black and brown communities don't talk a lot about cause again, literally, that's not something that is common. You know it's more of, it's more of like a, it's a white thing. You know, like really is, you know, and so you know, in some cultures it's, it's like no, no, no, you don't have a problem. You just need to do this, do this and you'll feel better, and stuff like that, and they've never. Really a lot of cultures haven't put a lot of time or effort into it because they don't believe in it. So, getting together with these girls and there was about 200 girls there- oh, wow.

Speaker 1: 14:20

And they were from ages 13 to 17. And I opened it up. I'm going to be doing a 12-week long Zoom course with them to continue the learning about confidence, so we'll be talking about their self-confidence. The part of the thing that I did on Saturday morning was like a questionnaire Okay, polling questions. You know I feel most confident in these scenarios Family, home, you know or home school, you know blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1: 14:49

Work, you know whatever, social settings. And then you know and, and it's like good, good glow, or you know like great, so so, or, or always, you know whatever. I can't remember what the questions were now, but, but anyways, there are polling questions, so I'm going to take that and, based off of their answers, I'm going to build that workshop around. What they need Right, and that's the other part of it is what do they actually need? Yeah, like, are we asking the right questions, are we looking at the right things, you know, and stuff like that. So I'm really excited to do this confidence, you know, 12 week course, you know, on just confidence, on different ways you can be confident and how you can be confident, how you can work on it, and it's going to be a lot of fun. But to have the opportunity to work with so many young ladies in in that type of setting and to be, you know, to be the leader in that, in that confidence journey journey, I'm really excited about that.

Speaker 1: 15:48

Yeah, that's something that I never had an opportunity to do, like we didn't have this stuff when we were younger. Yeah, exactly, mental health, and so I think that's why, for our age range, it's so important, because we were never talked to about it, and I love the fact that we are so focused on self-care and mental health and all those things in school and outside of school. Now it's such a trend. I hope it continues because we've always needed in this, in this transparency and the aspect to be able to openly talk about it like we do. You know, and that's kind of like where I'm at with when it comes to like the kids and stuff like that is like really just being able to start the conversation at a younger age too. It doesn't have to be just when they're teens.

Speaker 2: 16:36

Exactly Well and be intentional about that experience that you're designing is being intentional early on in building the attributes that will help them if and when they begin to experience mental health right. So if we're building this idea of confidence and self-empowerment, et cetera, early, could that be what helps combat right and I do feel like pandemic. Did this to schools right. We're so focused on social emotional issues right now, which again we should be, but it's a reaction right, it's not now.

Speaker 2: 17:10

I know that a lot of exactly, and I know lots of schools are doing lots of things to do what you and I are talking about, right, to get ahead of it and stop reacting. But right now there's a lot of reacting and so what? You know, how early on can we begin to develop? And I won't go too far down this road, but again, in my professional life, right, it's about looking and studying the brain research that shows that you know, learning and the social emotional aspect are kind of hand in hand, one in the same, and if you're doing one really well, you're building the others right. So that's why a lot of schools and districts are going to like designing graduate or learner profiles in order to be able to do that. So I'll put a pin in that. So one of the things that I did was, really quickly, because I have my own ideas about misconceptions we hold about teen mental health, but I went ahead and did a quick little chat TPT right Search on it to just fine tune it and it really supported what I already knew. And there were kind of three big ones, and I think these are really important to say out loud, because I think we do this as parents, I think we do it as grandparents, as aunts, uncles, friends, adults, teachers, leaders, all the things. And the three are this I'll just say them really quickly out loud and then we can react to them.

Speaker 2: 18:20

One is teenagers are just being dramatic, right. This idea, that kind of like you talked about, like everybody expects teens to go through that hoodie, you know, over the head kind of like phase, and because of it we've almost conditioned ourselves that that's not a big deal, we don't need to be attentive to it, right, it's like they're just being a teenager, exactly so teens are being dramatic. The second was and this one's so powerful too good grades mean good mental health, right, mistaking that if our kid is doing all the right things and getting the grades, then they must be fine. That's another one. And the last one was that teens don't experience real stress, and I've heard this too.

Speaker 2: 18:58

I think it comes from, I think I hear it in all adults, parents, teachers, it doesn't matter, but this idea that, like their lives are so easy compared to what my life was, they don't even really know what stress is, so not acknowledging that in their teen world, things like academic pressure and social dynamics, the uncertainty of their future, all those things actually are causing real stress. Right, it's not pretend stress, is actual real stress. So those were the three big misconceptions that I was, like yep dead on you know, what's funny is that you know what you said about.

Speaker 1: 19:31

Like they don't experience real stress. Teens don't feel stress. All children experience real stress. And let me let me something, something that you know, I I knew, I knew, I knew existed, but it was so powerful Saturday, so so I brought Jenny and she wanted she. I was like do you want to participate? I'm sorry the bird, Um uh, do you want to participate?

Speaker 2: 19:55

You know, somebody wants your attention or thinks you're full of shit, and I'm going with the second one. Somebody wants your attention or thinks you're full of shit, and I'm going with the second one.

Speaker 1: 20:08

You don't know my bird, it's enough.

Speaker 2: 20:14

Okay, this is the lesson in parenting everybody. Let's watch closely as Jane goes to her bird's cage and attempts to reason with it. Oh look, you caved. Good job, like any good parent.

Speaker 1: 20:27

Yeah, she's going to be doing the podcast today.

Speaker 2: 20:30

I love that. She should always be here. How have you waited this long? She's so cute, oh my God.

Speaker 1: 20:36

Sometimes, when I'm talking, she thinks that she needs to talk too.

Speaker 2: 20:40

That's like Amigo, our orange kitty when you talk he, he thinks you're talking, he just he's like exactly, exactly, okay.

Speaker 1: 20:48

saturday jenny went with you, okay, yes so we did this connection circle and I thought it was really cool. They had all these things out on a blanket and it was like it was all intention. So there's a group of six of us and it's the leader of the group I joined in, so there's two adults and then the rest are all 13 or over, and we were sitting around and it was really just talking about, you know, learning each other's names and then learning how we connect, you know, and how and stuff like that. And there was a common thread and I was just like, wow, this is huge, because and I brought it up and because, you know, working for a company and I was being bullied by one of my coworkers, like, like legitimately bullied every day, every day he was doing something, saying something, um, putting me down, whatever, and it was really starting to bother me and um, to the point, all right to the point where I was breaking down at work, oh, wow, yeah, I was like it was a lot, and so I went to my boss and I it was just really bothering me and I and I went to my boss and I said, look, you know, I'm having a real hard time working with this person because of these things, and and he, he gave me this advice of you know, um, don't let anybody stand in your way of success. This advice of you know, don't let anybody stand in your way of success. And, and you know, and I took that and that's all he really said. He's like don't let anybody stand in your way of success. He was like he's not going anywhere. You know, yes, you know, if it gets bad, we'll we'll, you know. Or if it gets worse, whatever we'll deal with, we'll deal with him, you know.

Speaker 1: 22:43

But in that moment is when I realized I have the control over the trajectory of of how, of the outcome of this. Yeah, and it was me that was standing in my way of success, I was allowing him to change my mindset, you know, and all those things. And so that's the story I shared. And then every single other person shared a story about being bullied. Oh, wow, very young age, right? They're all 13 there, you know, or older. So they're talking about grade school. You guys, this stuff starts in grade school.

Speaker 2: 23:16

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 23:18

I mean, I remember when Tyler was in school and in kindergarten. He got suspended from kindergarten because he was being bullied and got so mad that he threw a chair across the room and he got suspended. Oh, wow, and it's like I get that part. You know, but he was also. He's also autistic. He also has ADHD. Nobody did anything to protect him against this and then he got punished when he reacted to the stimulus. And and what are we? What are we showing our kids? Yeah, what are we? What are we doing?

Speaker 1: 23:49

I mean, I saw a post now I don't know if this is true or not, but there was a picture of a, of a, of a teacher and a little a kindergartner or something like that Little little kid, and he said he got suspended for telling the teacher that her breath smelled like shit. Now, oh, wow, wow, the picture of the teacher. Her teeth are rotting out of her mouth, right. So, yeah, he could have been nicer and not said shit, but at the same time he is. He's letting her know like, hey, you know, you've got a problem going on and you're right in my face, right? It's not comfortable. And she has these teeth rotting out of her mouth and she's totally upset, like what, you know, like that kind of stuff, and I felt like he was being bullied.

Speaker 1: 24:37

He was being being truthful, and that's what we're telling our kids to do is speak the truth, you know. So it's like this reverse, you know, like we're almost putting more damage on it when situations happen, and so I think we need to become, as adults, more aware of how just the littlest things will affect the children, because every single one of those girls in this group on Saturday was so meek and quiet yeah, including Jenny, yeah, and she's been bullied too, and it's like this makes sense on why all of these young ladies are just so recluse, and and and so it was like no, we need to, we need to, you know, like let's say it out loud and let's speak louder and let's be more, be more confident, and it's that confidence that gets taken away through that bullying and social aspect. We get bullied as adults. We get bullied, bullied during the teen and young years, in marriages and relationships. There's both there and it's like that's where it starts, that's where it stands the social aspect. And how do we maneuver through all of this?

Speaker 2: 25:42

Well, it's interesting that you say that, because I have, you know, I think to your point, right, like there's so many things there we could unpack but we don't have, you know, an indefinite amount of time.

Speaker 2: 25:53

But I will say, you know, when I think about that example of that post that you said and I appreciate that you were like maybe it's true, Maybe it's not, like we all know, we all know no but but but certainly the scenario exists in real life where the adult is, you know, in a power position, because the adult is always in a power position by default and you know, kind of constraining that young person because of that power dynamic, right, because I look at that and I think to myself, even if it wasn't true, right, even if she had the freshest bath ever, I'm thinking to myself, if a five-year-old says those words to you, a five-year-old is being taught that right. And so again, to think that they would get a hefty consequence makes no sense at all, because, of course, school is for learning Right, and school is for learning in a socialized way, because all of us have different experiences at home and my last reflection on what you said is that I have we have a high school friend.

Speaker 2: 26:48

You and I have chatted about him because I really want him on the podcast and I think I think he's finally going to carve out some time. But we saw him last week and spend some time with him and his 14 year old, who is homeschooled, and a big part of the reason we'll talk about this when we talk with him, but a big part of the reason his son is homeschooled, is because he had a realization early on that you know, here I am building a certain set of values and beliefs and understandings in my son and then he goes to school and he gets all of that other stuff and I have to decide like, do I, you know, what's better for him, right, in the end, what's better for him to get all of that? Like you said, every kid who goes to school is going to deal with bullying, every single one of them. That's the truth. Human nature is how it happens as an example, right and so. And every kid who goes to any kind of education outside of their home is going to have other adults in their world now who influence their thinking. There are a lot of pros to that, by the way, right, because we can think of, we can think of kids who are homeschooled, who maybe are getting messaging that terrifies us. So it's like there are a lot of pros to that. But, to your point, like as parents, like we just we can't make assumptions. And I'm going back to that misconception about if my kids getting good grades, they must be fine, right, like we have to constantly be checking in, which leads me to like what are some of the things that parents and adults not just parents, teachers, leader, everybody can do? And there's a lot of them and we've talked about them over time on our podcast. But one of the things you're picking up on is teaching, right, building a young person's capacity in terms of confidence, building their empowerment, their sense of empowerment, building their understanding of even you started with the example of you at work, this idea that, oh, wait, a second, I actually have some control here and I need to figure out how to exert my control to remove this issue that I'm having with this person because I'm never going to control them, right, so what do I do to control it? So, so, all of that kind of you know wraps itself around the ideas of you know.

Speaker 2: 28:45

Active listening, really listening when you're young people speak, really paying attention to the nuances and dynamics of the things you're experiencing, encouraging that open communication, like being the one who says out loud like listen, I'm parenting for the first time or I'm parenting for the fifth time and I'm realizing like I don't know a lot about mental health stuff. So I've been doing some looking on my own and this is stuff I'm learning, Like what do you think about this? What do you see in your friends? Because sometimes we know this with teens If we can get them to talk about something that's happening to someone else, they're more likely to then talk about what's happening to them, right, because they're going to gauge us, like how's my mom or dad going to react to me saying that my friend over here is experiencing anxiety?

Speaker 2: 29:25

Because that's going to help me decide if I'm going to say out loud that I am right. So, active listening, that kind of stuff, those are some of the kind of day to day ways, right, that we can be really thinking and thoughtful about the mental health of our young people. What would you add to that? And I know you said earlier, you had some thoughts about like early warning signs, especially with young people.

Speaker 1: 29:44

Yeah, well, when it comes to back to the confidence thing, you know I was doing research for that because you know it's obviously a different age group that I'm working with here. You know teens. You have to be I mean, you have to be intentional with every age group, but you have to be careful because you know there's adult topics that you don't want to drag in. And then there's, you know like, you know, difference and everything else, but what I came up with is self-confidence.

Speaker 1: 30:12

The three main underlying things that we need to have self-confidence in is our self-abilities, like, do I accept and trust and have a sense of control in my life? What are my abilities? What can I do? And then self-qualities you know your strengths and weaknesses well enough and have positive views of yourself. You know understanding what your strengths and weaknesses are and how to overcome those weaknesses with your strengths, and stuff like that. And then, third is self judgment you set a realistic expectation and goals, communicate assertively and can handle criticism. Yeah, that's where we come with rejection and and you know positive feedback or or critical feedback. You know and how to handle it and stuff like that. So it's really those three things our abilities, our qualities and our judgment and are we able to make our own decisions?

Speaker 1: 31:08

So many people don't have confidence in making their own decisions, and that's where you get the procrastination and the you know, and sometimes, like I, function off of procrastination when it comes to projects, because I like go in and like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, get it all done. That's just how I work, cause I handle all the little fires until I need that.

Speaker 1: 31:26

And then I'm like, boom, now it's time to do this. So it gives me. I know my capacity and I know how to work that. But before I figured that out, I would get overwhelmed, oh heck yeah, stressed out and depressed and like, how do I do this? And you know, and it takes time for us to figure out how we function the best.

Speaker 1: 31:43

So being able to talk to these young ladies about their abilities, their qualities and their judgment is going to be cool in in bringing it all the way around and closing that loop on how they can better, you know, do these things in different scenarios, because it's not like you're confident and then you're confident in everything. We all have different roles that we play, you know, and, like I said earlier when I was talking about you know those questions, I brought up the questions when do you feel most confident? You are most confident with family, school, around new people, with friends or your team? You know, because a lot of right, yeah, yeah, let's just taking those polling questions and then going okay, so you're comfortable with your team and stuff like that, but not at home, right? Those are signs to different scenarios that they can then get those tools and help themselves work on these things, and I invited all the mothers yeah, nice, nice To join their daughters, because I'm like, look, these are things that you guys need to all have confident.

Speaker 1: 32:40

And they were like yes, thank you, you know like, so it's really cool because we are I am going to be doing a broader view on on on all those young ladies and women and stuff like that. So it's really cool. But, that being said, some signs of mental illness in teens. So I'm just going to kind of read them off and each one of them has like a little bit of a definition and different scaling. But these are the things sleep, lack of sleep or too much you know a lot of sleep. Lack of sleep or too much, you know a lot of sleep all the time.

Speaker 1: 33:17

Yeah, alcohol and drug use we, you know that's that's one thing. Um, change in eating habits it could be. It could be excessive eating. It could be it could be not eating at all. It could be weird.

Speaker 1: 33:30

You know like there's plenty of eating disorders out there. Avoiding friends and social life All of a sudden they're like no, I'm not doing it. Self-harm we all know that that's a big one. Rising levels of anxiety All of a sudden, things that didn't really bother them before now all of a sudden is not something that they're comfortable with or they want to avoid. Change in school performance, depression Depression looks like a lot of different things. So you really have to look deeper into that. Um, irritability, that's a big one. Um difficulty focusing, you know like, even just at home, you know, in chores or whatever they're scattered, they're all over the place. Low energy, lack of motivation, withdrawing from friends and family again, that's avoiding friends and social life. Um, extreme moodiness, excessive worry, changes in appetite, socialized isolation, poor hygiene and then loss of weight. Um, one thing that I will say that I've had experience with is with my daughters. You, you know, you probably know where I'm going with this. When puberty hits, you know, there's definitely mood changes and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 34:42

We all get that as women Right. But there's other things to look at those, those and see no, hey Cora, what's up? Um, those things like highs and lows. I started noticing that with um one of my daughters. Like it was weird, like all of a sudden, like she was singing really loud, okay.

Speaker 2: 35:08

This is also the pet edition, by the way.

Speaker 1: 35:10

Oh, my God.

Speaker 2: 35:14

She's um for everybody to know. Uhane's right now throwing the bird outside. She, she's playing time. My version is better that you just threw out the door and was like you're out you know what?

Speaker 1: 35:28

um, she's actually gotten out twice and I got her out of the neighborhood. She was the last time. She was in a tree about a block down and it was dusk and I heard her. And then I know this is when Devin was here I pull up in the little alley and I know she's in that tree. I'm the crazy bird lady, right, Of course. I'm looking in the tree and I see her. She's like in between like two little opening and little opening, and I could see her and I'm like Rio, get down here right now. And she's like, and I'm like I'm not kidding here she flies out of the tree on top of the car. I'm like, get in here and I put her on my shoulder and I get in the car. I'm sure the neighbors were like you've got to be freaking kidding me.

Speaker 2: 36:12

I can't believe the freaking bird listened to you. That's hilarious.

Speaker 1: 36:16

Oh, she does know that I am her mate, like that's why she is, because she doesn't want anybody else talking to me, because I'm hers, and so she gets jealous.

Speaker 2: 36:25

Yeah, you know what? That's going to be a whole other episode. Okay, we'll talk about that later.

Speaker 1: 36:32

So you were talking about, though, your girls and going through like so but I noticed, like the, the, you know, you just pay attention to patterns. It's all about patterns, you know, and breaks in those patterns. Yeah, Notice one of my daughters like right around menstrual time, it was like it was a roller coaster. It was high, singing, dancing loud, obnoxious blah, blah, blah, blah, and then it was like boom down and I'm like wow that's, that's a lot, you know.

Speaker 1: 37:00

And so, like I was like all right, but that was just at the beginning. Now it's kind of even out. It was just, you know, it's like that, but those are signs, you know those. I was like, is she my puller? Like I like seriously, yeah, like it was bad and I'm like it was stressing me out. I'm like I gotta I think I gotta take her to the doctor. Like, yeah, now that it's evened out, I'm like okay, all right, all right, but go ahead.

Speaker 1: 37:25

Sorry, but paying attention, you know, is is the big thing, because I haven't always paid attention. My oldest daughter came to me when she was, um, oh god, like 15, and she was explaining which I had no idea about, you know, I was naive, you know, and this is, you know, a while ago, um, um, a disassociative, like oh yeah, side of her, like she was watching, and I'm like what the fuck do you mean? Yeah, it was like what, like I'd never heard of that before, and it was like you know, it's 10, 10, 15 years ago or whatever. And so you know, or yeah, probably 10, 12 years ago, I'd never heard of that before, you know. And so I'm like you know what do I do? And she's like weird and blah, blah and, and I mean, and got you know what do I do? And she's scared and blah blah and, and I mean, and got you know, she started going to a doctor, stuff like that, but it was.

Speaker 1: 38:21

I was scared as a mom, you know, but I but, but we still had to handle it, you know. So us as parents, it is scary, yeah, oh. And then we think, oh, it's a reflection on us and I don't want to say my kid has a problem and and all those things. But guess what, guys, we're human, we can't control everything that we have or don't have.

Speaker 2: 38:40

It's, it's scary, it's life and we just have to handle it appropriately you know Well and I think what I hear you saying is honestly like you being. I love that. You said focus on patterns, right, look for anomalies, things that are outliers. Right, like things that are extremes. And to your point then, like, the key is that when you are concerned, talk to someone. Right, like it's when we don't listen to our gut that I think that we get ourselves in real big trouble, both for our own mental health we're about to transition to women here in just a second but also for our kids. So when you, like you said, when your daughter comes to you and says that, when you see the extreme highs and lows with one of them, with their cycles, like you know, when you're concerned, talk to someone.

Speaker 2: 39:26

And I do want to point out a couple of things. Everything you listed would be easy to go fall into that first misconception about teens just being teens. It's just being a teenager. So what you really want to look for is A, whenever you're concerned, ask the questions right, say the things out loud. And B, like you said, look for kind of trends and patterns and outliers.

Speaker 2: 39:46

And the only other one I want to lift up before we switch to women is you mentioned self-harm and the reason and you said you know, I think most people are fully aware of that. However, I think sometimes we don't notice the warning signals of that, and so one of the warning signals I wanted to lift up is that you know, you have a child who, you know, changes how they dress drastically and suddenly, right, suddenly, they're trying to cover more of their body. That can be an indicator of a lot of things. It could be simply style choice All of a sudden, everybody's wearing sweats like that. It could be as simple and innocent as that. But it can also be that, um, that they are doing something to their bodies, um, which is, you know, we know, at the core of that is oftentimes a sense of lack of control and harming themselves, cutting themselves as a way that they exhibit control. That's one.

Speaker 2: 40:31

There's many reasons, we won't go into all of them, but anyway, I just wanted to lift that up because I think that you know, for you and I that feels really common, but for somebody who's listening in case, you're like oh OK, that's common, and how would you know? Well, you would know if, again, your kid suddenly is changing how they dress. And then for me I think it's about like not again being like gosh. Suddenly you're wearing long sleeves. Let me see your arms Right, but paying attention and trying to really see when they do. You know, show up, you know part of body part. Just be on the lookout for little things like that. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 41:04

So I'm thinking that we have about 30 minutes left, that we could shift into women, because I know we wanted to talk about both today and so I'll kick us off. Because same idea I just wanted to think about, like what are the biggest misconceptions about mental women's mental health? And as I was looking at these I wanted to, like throw something through my computer because they are so common, um and and yet so you know, just so narrow minded. So the big three are women are naturally more emotional, this idea that you know when you, when a woman is exhibiting certain characteristics or symptoms or whatever you want to call them, that we chalk it up to. Well, that's just women. They tend to be more emotional anyway.

Speaker 2: 41:42

The second is that that mental health is a sign of weakness, right, so that might be a stereotype or a stigma that keeps us from externalizing how we're feeling and reaching out to others and trying to get ourselves some support because we see it as a sign of weakness. And the last one, kind of ties both of those together with a bow, which is motherhood, should be blissful right. That prior to, I would say, in the last five to 10 years, we've seen a shift with social platforms that opened the window to the fact that motherhood is not all bliss. But there was a period of time, and it still continues to be to exist, where we only talked about the blissfulness. Right, somebody we know gets pregnant. We think, oh, it's so beautiful, you're going to love it, and all those things are true. But we don't always then say, and you're going to be exhausted and you're going to question everything, and you're, and that's all normal, also right, like that's okay and get us out, get yourself a network. So those three were the big kind of misconceptions, yeah.

Speaker 1: 42:40

I want to say I love those misconceptions. You love them for how they are so prevalent. Yes, yeah, I mean, I love them because they're so true. And you know the first one that you said that women are just more emotional. Let me just tell you something we are. We really are. This is for the men out there.

Speaker 2: 43:00

Okay, okay, let's hear it.

Speaker 1: 43:04

If you see me crying, it's because I'm not killing you. Oh, you know like I cry out of frustration when I get so like if I, that's my last resort of frustration, the tears, because it's that's what I need to release before I kill somebody. Because I'm glad I'm crying right now, because I would be so much more bitchier, because I would be so much more bitchier Say my word, I'm saving you trauma.

Speaker 1: 43:41

right now I'm walking away and I have the tears and I'm going to select myself because if I don't, I might lose a gasket or blow a gasket. You know, like it's I, I. I love how people just say oh, women just are more emotional. They cry. And you know, no, I don't, I'm not a big crier. Not all women are crying.

Speaker 2: 44:24

But when I cry it's either I'm really sad like somebody died, or she's like a lieutenant um in the military and and her men go against her basically and um at one point she's trying to figure out what to do.

Speaker 1: 44:35

They're in like a battle situation like sergeant benjamin or something like that no, I don't think it's that one.

Speaker 2: 44:40

This was a more, because that was a more, if I remember. I can't remember, but anyway. But but she starts to cry and one of them is like are you fucking kidding me? Like you're crying, right? And she was like crying is a reaction to stress. This is straight, and it's that idea that, like tears can be an overflow of any emotion. Right, tears to your point for you it can be love.

Speaker 2: 45:02

It can be sadness, but, but that was for me like that idea of literally this is just a stress overflowing for me right now, right so, but we've done this right to our not I shouldn't say we've done it to ourselves, society or whatever you want to call it We've done this by building this misconception that if somebody cries, that means they're weak. If somebody cries, it means they can't be in charge If somebody. So yes, I love that you surface that one, as like yours are almost always that you're overflowing with frustration and now you need to step back because you might die. But that idea that, in general, right, like women are just emotional and it's tied to our menstrual cycles, it's tied to all the things, right so, but I think those are. I love that we're saying them out loud, because I think that we have to start calling them out, right, whether you're in a professional environment, whether you're on a social platform, no matter where you encounter them, we have to start calling them out.

Speaker 1: 45:52

Yeah, no, absolutely. And I love, I love the fact that more recently, I would say within the last two years you're right Like a lot more people are being a little bit more realistic on social media. So many years you know. So oh, oh, oh. They look just so perfect and blah. And then next thing you know like they're in the news for killing each other and you're like exactly what happened?

Speaker 1: 46:14

what happened, oh my god. Oh, because it was a facade, right. I don't really like that. I was watching a documentary where, um, these, this woman was was like just horribly mistreating her children and everything online was staged. They were being starved to death. Oh wow yeah, and there's a whole documentary on it on I think it's Netflix or something like that. I'll have to send it to you. But it was like this where she just had this like perfect life on Instagram and stuff like that, and then her and her husband ended up separating because she, like the, the group they were with, uh, the church or whatever, like made him feel like he was a pedophile, because he and so they like bad, just like beat him down to the point where he thought he was just like you know dirt. And then she had the kids and she was in the meantime doing all these videos and forcing them to do these promos and crap like that, and then the meantime she was not bathing them.

Speaker 1: 47:22

Not you know, the only time they would get food and bathe is when they had a photo shoot. Yeah, yeah, it was insane. Only one of her sons, you know, the only time they would get food and bathe is when they had a photo shoot. Yeah, yeah, it was insane. Yeah, one of her sons, you know, escapes from the house and goes to a neighbor's house and finally gets the police involved and all that you know that's what.

Speaker 2: 47:36

Yeah, I know exactly who you're talking about now. If you kept going, I'd finally trigger.

Speaker 1: 47:39

Arizona or something like that. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 47:43

Wasn't she the one who was like part of her shtick was that she was like she was teaching everybody else how to punish their kids. Yes, that was her. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 47:52

And I'm like what the fuck? And so I watched the whole thing and I was just like, oh, these poor kids, totally traumatized. She obviously has mental health issues. Exactly, exactly, it's severe, but she's also please. She's also really good at hiding it and being manipulate other people like she fully manipulated her husband and I mean it was bad. So those are signs of mental health issues. That's right extreme control, you know, like you know these things and it's it's it. It's all connected and these are the things we need to pay attention to in other people our friends are.

Speaker 1: 48:33

You know, like how do we help them?

Speaker 2: 48:35

How do we?

Speaker 1: 48:35

have conversations, you know.

Speaker 2: 48:37

Well, and I wonder it's funny that you say that because when you go back to the top of the show where we talked about misconceptions around teens, you can replace those with women, like it's all right, just like you can replace the signs. The early warning signs can be similar, but it doesn't even matter like which group you're in. But I think that one of the you know things I also want to lift up about the kind of why we would even spend time. Obviously because part of our podcast really focus is on women, but in terms of some quick statistics, one in five women usually report experiencing a mental health condition each year. That's the ones who say it out loud, that's the ones who actually go and get some kind of help for it. One in five women.

Speaker 2: 49:15

Women are twice as likely to experience depression over men. I think the statistic was around like 12% of women in any given year here in this country right, we're talking about the US Also more likely to experience anxiety disorders than men. About 23% of women report having that. And again, these statistics are low because they're only the ones where women are actually saying it out loud. And then, of course, the one that I think is more common is this idea of postpartum depression. So it's important for us to have these conversations, because it tends to happen more in women than men. But that also then feeds the misconceptions, right that? Oh well, that's because women are weak, that's because women are emotional, that's because, right yeah, Well, biologically, women are wired differently than men because we are the caretakers.

Speaker 1: 50:03

So, just for one quick example, it's scientifically proven that during sleep, women's brains only shut down 10% because we need to, or only 10% of their brain shuts down, or whatever, because we need to be able to listen for babies, right, always on protective mode. Men shut down 70% of their brain when they sleep, and that's right, yeah, and so they're getting more sleep, they're getting better sleep. Naturally, biologically, we don't get that, you know, in our genetic makeup and nature wise. And so just that, by itself, sleep is so important to mental health, the fact that we don't even sleep as well as men sleep is so important to mental health, the fact that we don't even sleep as well as men.

Speaker 2: 50:50

Come on, you know what? It's one more way we're being robbed. God bless America.

Speaker 1: 50:53

Just saying. I'm just saying, but, like, that's just a prime example of how, you know, it's so easy to just say, oh, women, or whatever. Well, let's look at the biological makeup of men and women. And women biologically have to go through just to live exactly compared to a man, it's much different and so it's just like we we have, and socially we have different um, uh, you know standards and stuff like that. But you know what I'm learning the more um, the I don't know, I don't know why, just all of a sudden, I've noticed a lot more mental health and a lot of similarities between men and women when it comes to social status. Yeah, weight, what you look like, how you feel, you know, what makes you feel better, you know, and all of those things and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 51:47

Know women, I feel like for me, I'm getting older and I'm appreciating different things in life. Yeah, when I was younger and I think that and I and I and I'm actually liking getting older and and stuff like that. But there's a lot of men that hit that like midlife crisis that go, oh, my God, I'm getting old, oh, I want a hot chick. So they go and get that 20 year old, 25 year old girlfriend and and and try to like, revamp their thing, and with women we're more like. I want to be able to do things on my own. Yeah, yeah, you know I want to. I want to enjoy what I'm doing and I want to enjoy my spouse. But if my spouse is going through a midlife crisis and want some hot chick, like you know, like what you know, and so there's these things where we go through different phases in our lives too, it's like Whoa, what am I?

Speaker 2: 52:39

you know what's going on, but you have to work really hard to be paired up Right, like you said, a man and a woman for a long period of time.

Speaker 2: 52:48

And I'll tell you after being on the road last week I don't know why, but one of the things I really noticed was when I saw a couple who was my age or older right, and it was clear that they were the same age or close to the same age, right, and they were together and I just every single time it makes me smile because I just think to myself, like you, really, whether you just got married a year ago or whether you've been married for 30 years, you've really like come to kind of terms with what it means to be at that phase in your life and to welcome and want a partner who's at the same phase, like you said, versus somebody who's going to help you bring back your youth right by going and turning the clock backwards. I just thought and then I was like, well, it's kind of sad that this strikes me as really sweet and special, because it should be the norm, but it's not right Because we tend to not stick around like that.

Speaker 2: 53:36

So but yeah, I'm with you a hundred percent, A hundred percent.

Speaker 1: 53:40

It's really refreshing to find somebody that is on the same page as you Exactly, is on the same page as you Exactly. I'm actually kind of dating somebody right now. And they're a couple years younger than me, but they're in the same mindset, Like it's. Like you know, I'm done playing, I'm done dealing with all the BS and the stuff. I just want to enjoy somebody's company, Exactly Genuinely, which I don't enjoy. She's like I'm here.

Speaker 2: 54:06

I'm here.

Speaker 1: 54:07

I'm here Talk to me about me. What are you talking about? You're cheating other people, cheating on me, see.

Speaker 2: 54:14

Jealous. Wow, I think you have a codependent relationship with your bird, but we're going to leave that right there. All right, really quickly.

Speaker 1: 54:22

She has a codependent relationship with me.

Speaker 2: 54:28

Can one person be codependent or do they both have to be code and anyway, different? A different episode, um. So ways for us to think about, then, as women taking care of our mental health, like you said earlier, like it's part of why we spend time almost every episode, are awfully close to it, talking about prioritizing self-care, because we know that when women take care of their bodies through exercise, through engaging in things that you enjoy doing, through things that aren't for someone else but are just for yourself, that that's a good way for you to like promote your own positive mental health. But another one and we're going to we can only talk about this for a minute today because of our time, but I know we've talked about coming back to this Another one is this idea of setting boundaries, and we value your unique perspective on that Obviously seeking professional help when you feel like something is wrong. Do not follow the typical woman line of thinking, which is oh, it's fine, I'm fine, it's just leave it alone, it'll go away, right? Actually, seek some help for yourself and then, having that network right, building connections with others.

Speaker 2: 55:25

The more isolated we are in these emotions, the worse off we are and, quite frankly, if we're not surrounding ourselves with people where we can say out loud to them gosh, I just feel like I can't get out of bed. Gosh, if we can't say it out loud. They're not the right people. Maybe they're good superficial friends, but we need the people who we can actually say it out loud and not about what they'll think. And then, lastly, practicing mindfulness and meditation. It kind of goes along with the self-care thing, but there's a lot of research around both of those and really taking time every single day to do those. So those are some quick things to think about, but I would love for you to remind us, jane, about your kind of unique take on setting boundaries. It ties to what you were talking about earlier in terms of, like your workplace thing and control, but go ahead.

Speaker 1: 56:06

Yeah, the boundaries aspect is really just, you know, so many times we hear and I mean this is what I've heard ever since I learned about boundaries was boundaries are set for other people, you know on what you'll take from them and what you won't, and blah, blah, blah and you're crossing my boundary, and that wasn't working for me. That wasn't working for me in my personal life, especially with my mother, you know. She always, was always crossing my boundaries and it took a, it took a Christmas, the last time I spent a holiday with them. It took that holiday to make me finally realize that it wasn't boundaries.

Speaker 1: 56:46

I can't control other people's behavior, I just can't. You know, and this and this actually was right around the same time as this don't stand in, you know, don't let anybody stand in your way of success. And that's what linked it for me actually was that conversation, because I was like I can't control this person and it was his mission to make me miserable and and and I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything it's because I was a better coach than him, I took it seriously, I wanted to be the best and he was half-assing his stuff and everything else and and he knew it and so that was his big calm with me, right? I'm so sorry about the bird I I'm giving you anxiety right now I'm glad you felt like you could say it out loud to us.

Speaker 2: 57:38

That's good, yes I will never lie about my anxiety he is on fire today, so it's funny, it's fine, it's fine, like I, it's the petty issue.

Speaker 1: 57:54

Okay, so, um, I just wish I had a mute button for her. Um, so the boundary aspect was I couldn't control anybody, I couldn't control him. So I needed to learn what my boundaries were for myself and what I was going to put up with and what I wasn't. And so the boundaries are more me, and that's what really, what really changed the trajectory of everything in my world. You know, I have a great relationship with my mother. We've talked about that before.

Speaker 2: 58:14

Oh, it's so great.

Speaker 1: 58:17

You know, and so it's just one of those things.

Speaker 2: 58:21

And.

Speaker 1: 58:21

I'm going to let her out real quick because she's not.

Speaker 2: 58:24

No, but I think, to kind of sum that up up right, what's really important about it is really shifting. When we say set boundaries, we don't mean controlling what other people will or won't do we mean for setting boundaries that are here's what I will and won't do. Right, I can't control what you're going to do here's. If I don't like what you're going to do, then I have to set a boundary for myself in terms of will I spend time with you? Will, will I create that opportunity? Will I whatever? Right, I think that's so powerful and I definitely know it's going to be. You know, as we're kind of wrapping up today, it's going to be on our list of potential workshops that we are designing and working toward being ready to bring forward to people, because we are, you know, so kind of wrap up that and maybe let's foreshadow a little bit of what we're hoping to do. So, you know, we've talked about teen mental health today. We've talked about the mental health of women. We really just did a quick kind of cursory overview of that again, because I feel like we spread those throughout all of our conversations, but we wanted to make sure that we acknowledged that it's mental health awareness month, so we will post this by the end of the month, which means by Friday, post this by the end of the month, and I always actually love doing that from the perspective of like, yes, it's great that we have this month where we all focus on it, but the fact is, mental health is an issue every single day for people all over the world, and so thinking about it as we move out in May is also super important. So let's talk a little bit now, then, about, like, what we're hoping to do right, like we are.

Speaker 2: 59:45

This is today's episode. When we post this, it'll be episode 40, which, on one hand, seems like so many. On the other hand, is like, okay, we've been at this for about a little over about a year and a half almost a year and a half so, but I feel really good about that number because, again, we've said many times, like this is this is not our day job, right? This is something we do as a passion outside of that, and so I'm super excited about this being number 40 for us, and because of it, we are thinking about, yes, in the scope right now of having day jobs that we really want to build off of this podcast, to create opportunities to take the expertise that we have, along with the rapport that we have and the humor we bring, and all the fun stuff stuff to different audiences in different ways.

Speaker 2: 1:00:28

And one of those is this idea of being able to really design customized workshops for folks, right, and we're thinking about it in terms of, like, if you are in charge of a women's group, if you are ahead of the PTA, if you are in a workplace situation where you have a poor culture, like, there are a lot of ways that we can bring some of the lessons that you've heard over these 40 episodes to bear in your context.

Speaker 2: 1:00:52

And I love, jane, that you were giving the example of the confidence workshop you're doing on your end professionally, because it's a great example of how we engage in this work by customizing and designing based on the particular audience, not kind of generic canned types of things, right. And also you know workshop type style settings but also keynotes, right, because you know keynotes are designed to be motivational and inspiring and all the things which I think people have seen us do over the last 40 episodes. But we are both also educators at heart and we know the research on adult learning and so we also know a keynote can't just be about making me feel good and then I walk away Otherwise it goes away as soon as you walk out the door but rather a deep learning experience that helps people kind of grab onto something that becomes an anchor for them as they move forward from those experiences. So what?

Speaker 1: 1:01:40

would you add, and I would say, like just the example that I used of the 12 weeks afterwards you know, we, we can do that too, because it's not about that one day, because most people retain about 30% of that. It's all about revisiting and the follow-up, and so, and especially with businesses, it's like you got to kind of, you got to work from the top down, you know, because it's not. You know, if something stinks, if the fish stinks, it's, you know, the head and the tail stink. So you always start at the head, because that's where most of the directions coming from is from, and so if it's starting there, we need to find out, because if you start in the middle or at the end, it's never going to get better. It's still rotten at the top, and so it's.

Speaker 1: 1:02:24

Doing these one day workshops is a great way to gather information and come back with a specialized program to help the individuals and or departments or whoever it is leadership get through what they're trying to get through and then get to that, those goals that they're working towards. And that's that's what I've been doing for years and I love it. You know we want to do that. We want to get together and do that and be a dynamic duo and have a lot of fun.

Speaker 2: 1:02:55

You know, we're going to start just kind of putting it out here via our actual episodes, like we are right now, and putting it forward to people and encouraging people to reach out to us.

Speaker 2: 1:03:03

If it grabs ahold of you and you think, oh my gosh, I would love to have you come talk about blank with blank group, right, and we're going to begin to build that kind of informally at first and then, as we get some traction right, to formalize it a little bit more, and so keep an eye out right for that kind of information from us.

Speaker 2: 1:03:20

But other than that, I think it's time for final thoughts because we're going to, we're coming up on an hour here, final thoughts because we're coming up on an hour here. So I'll go back to really quickly again this idea that I think the most important thing for us to take away from this conversation around mental health is that we have to be able to say things out loud right, both for our own mental health, but also to encourage the people that we love in our world around us our kids, our spouses, our colleagues, et cetera to feel comfortable saying their truth out loud as well, because you never know, when you create that space, when you're going to. It's going to be that really critical moment where you're going to help somebody who's actually in a really desperate situation and you didn't even know it. Final thought for you, jane.

Speaker 1: 1:03:57

Yeah, I love that and I mean I would echo all of that and the aspect of just being proactive. You know this is the time to be proactive. You know we are reactive to so many things in our lives and to be able to put some thought into it and look forward, and even in ourselves. You know I had to come to a realization. Earlier in this year I had seasonal depression. I've never had that before and I was a punk you know I had to come to a realization.

Speaker 1: 1:04:30

Earlier in this year I was, I had seasonal depression. I've never had that before and I was a funk. You know, I've never been in a funk before. Yep, and it was hard because I'm like gosh, like this is what it's like. This blows, you know, and there was nothing like I. I literally kind of just sat in my room for a couple of weeks.

Speaker 1: 1:04:46

You know, just and just kind of hung out by myself and was just you know any off time that I had and it it took a minute to shake it off and but if I wasn't paying attention and really intentional on shaking it off and like really wanting to, I would still be there. Yeah, I would totally still be, because it was so easy just to exist and and the big part of it that we all need to understand is it's it's easy to exist. It takes effort to live and I had to remind myself of that. Like you're, you're not happy about anything because you're not doing shit, and I was like that's right Okay.

Speaker 2: 1:05:22

I like that. It's easy to exist. It takes work to live. I love that. I think that's a great and I will say you remind me. I have a girlfriend from college who has seasonal depression disorder and she, she, I did an episode with her on one of my podcasts, my previous podcast worlds. But we'll we'll add it to the list for like next late, next fall, when people tend to go into that cycle, so we can talk a little bit about and maybe bring her on. But all right, so it's easy to exist. You have to work hard to live. We're going to wrap it up right there. You guys, make sure you like, subscribe, share all the things we're hoping to reach. Reach six people in this episode versus our typical five. That's our hope. So get it out there, share it with all the people and we'll see you next time. Peace out.