You're listening to Pack Life, and this is your host Meli. If you're interested in a bigger, better, more fulfilling life for you and your companion animals, then you're in the right place.
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What's up everybody today on Pack Life, we are talking about how to create routines and rhythms in your house that support you, support your companion animals and help to get you out of stress.
I was recently at a lunch at a table full of people that are part of this great project where we're taking shelter dogs and training them up to be either companion animals, emotional support animals, or service dogs for veterans students at a local college. The idea is to help support them in the transition from the military back into civilian life. If you want to hear any more about that program, I'll put a link in the show notes.
So while we're at the table, we're talking about all the different benefits that may come from this pairing. And one of the things that kept coming up was how dogs get you into these naturally healthy routines. Especially when someone is coming from an environment like the military, where there's so much structure baked in and then returning to civilian life where that structure just goes away. It can really support them in creating routines for themselves, by setting up the routines for their dogs.
I think that this applies to all of us. And when we set up supportive routines for ourselves and our companion animals. Life flows, easily things feel light.
When we get this wrong, we wind up in cyclical patterns of frustration and have a lot of extra stress. Often with my clients one of the first things I'm asking when they bring something up is "okay. Let's talk about your routine to see if there's something that we could shift quickly." To make a big change in how the dog is responding in whatever behavior it is the dog's doing that's driving them nuts.
So in my time working as a coach for humans and in doing my own personal development work. I noticed that there's this scale where on one side you have consistency structure, routine predictability. And on the other side, you have spontaneity variety, new things.
And for most people, their nervous system is really comfortable somewhere on that scale. Everyone needs both. Everyone needs a little bit of both, but how much you like of each thing is really individual and unique. And I find our dogs are the same. They need some predictability and they need some variety. And each dog is going to need a different amount depending on who they are to feel safe and like they are living their best life. So as I'm starting to talk about routine and structure as a human, if you find yourself going into some kind of contraction, because structure sounds like discipline and it sounds like not fun. And it sounds restrictive. You are not alone. You're probably a human that likes a little more variety. And if you're like, oh yes, I'm going to get a new system. We're going to put a new system in place. You're probably someone that really likes the structure.
I tend to be somewhere in the middle where I like systems and routines that give me some flexibility within them to follow my curiosities and whims.
So even if you're feeling a little contracted based on the beginning of this topic, Just know that there will be space to tweak everything I'm sharing in a way that really supports you and your dog uniquely and individually.
No matter where you fall on that consistency versus variety scale. What I'm about to talk about applies to everybody. And that is decision fatigue. The idea that after making many decisions, your ability to make more and more decisions over the course of the day becomes worse.
I found an article by the American medical association where a Dr. McLean said that by the time the average person goes to bed, They have made 35,000 decisions in that day. Now, I don't know if that's actually true. This was just an American medical association article online.
What I do know is any time we're not operating out of a habit or routine and actively making decisions, it takes up brain space. So if I wake up and I think, what am I going to wear? What am I going to eat for breakfast? Am I going to be healthy today? Am I going to eat whatever I want, because treat yourself. I wonder what I should do with my dog. Is he in the mood to play or should we go for a walk?
It is so much, there are so many decisions to make in a day. My big takeaway from this is that we are likely to make decisions that are supportive of us and things we say we want and take all factors into consideration when we are not in the middle of decision fatigue with judgment that is impaired.
So for all of us, anything we can do to reduce the amount of decisions we need to make in a day can have huge benefits and leave brain space available for the decisions that really take weighing. And that are more important to us. Then the little minutiae of the day. This is one of the reasons that I like having habits and systems where I can go into autopilot and just execute throughout the day. And then when something big comes up where the decision is going to have consequences that are more impactful than what do I want to wear today?
I have the brainpower available to weigh the options and make a good decision for myself.
When I don't have the brainpower available, I will make a knee-jerk decision just to avoid the decision-making process.
And usually in retrospect, I'm like, that was not my best decision.
There's a YouTuber that I'm a big fan of named Ali Abdal, and he was talking about productivity and referencing the system of the plane, the pilot, and the engineer. The pilot, would be the person making the decisions about where are we going to fly? What are we going to do?
The plane is just executing on the decisions that the pilot has made. And the engineer is the one that would come in and fix up the system.
Make the system itself of the decision-making and the doing more efficient or better. And so even though he's talking about productivity, I like to use this sometimes when I'm thinking about clients with their routines and rhythms in the house. Sometimes in order to shift something big, we have to zoom out and approach it from a level of pilot and engineer so that when we get back into plane mode and we're not in a lot of decision fatigue, our life with our pets flows smoothly and feels lighter.
Aside from decision fatigue, another concept I want to introduce here is adaptation energy. And I got this from Emily Fletcher. She calls adaptation energy " Your ability to handle a change of expectation. I E. Your ability to handle your daily demands."
And she gives this great example to illustrate the point of someone having a really bad day, where they wake up and they miss their alarm. So they're rushing around the house. They burn their toast, they don't get to eat breakfast. They get in the car. They're stuck in traffic. And they're going to be late for work by a lot, but they decide to swing by and get a coffee because they know at least if they do that, there'll be a little more awake.
They take the time to pull off the highway. And walk into the shop to get this coffee, and then find out that the shop is out of coffee and they give them a chamomile tea instead. They get to work, they get fired.
They walk out of work, they call and they get broken up with, by a partner. Then they get home and they go to drink a glass of wine, just to find some comfort. And they drop the glass and it shatters and they have a total meltdown.
Now from the outside, looking in, if you just saw this moment with the glass, you would be like, what is wrong with that person? Why are they having such an extreme reaction to this glass shattering? But knowing the whole day we realize it actually has nothing to do with the glass. And what Emily says is that stress is not happening to us.
It's the reaction we have to the external demands. And it does not matter how big or small that demand is or that missed expectation is. If we are out of adaptation energy, our body is going to launch into fight or flight.
And the final quote from her here is that we don't act based on what we know in our brains. We act based on the level of stress that is in our nervous systems.
Just a little more context about her. I was a failed meditator for like eight years where I would try to meditate. Not like it, feels like a failure, and then not do it. Then I discovered her Ziva methodology around COVID time. And I have been a consistent meditator since I took that course. I cannot say enough good things about this person or about her work. So please check her out.
Okay. So in this same vein, J Jack, had a really funny story in a podcast that he was recording, and I'm going to repeat it here. Where he talks about how, if somebody comes home and sits at the table and you don't know anything about what happened in their day. And someone puts meatloaf on the table and it's under cooked, and the person just has a total meltdown about the meatloaf.
Nobody would say, "oh man. That guy really has a problem with meatloaf and under cooked meatloaf. We need to slowly expose him to under cooked meatloaf, to make him more comfortable with the meatloaf. We need to give him positive associations around the meatloaf so that in the future, if someone puts under cooked meatloaf in front of him, he doesn't have a breakdown."
I cracked up listening to this story and it's very similar to what Emily was saying. And what we do to our dogs often is we see them have a reaction to something and we assume that the thing they're having a reaction to is the problem. But a lot of times, it is other factors that are impacting that reaction. By the way I am not knocking trainers for doing counter conditioning, which is where we take something that the dog either perceives as a threat or is not comfortable around, and help them to change the association with it. I love that I do it all the time. It is a part of my training method, but I think if we are solely focused on that, we're missing a much bigger picture.
And this is how the conversation will tie back into rhythms and routines.
In that same podcast with Jay Jack, which I will link in the show notes. They go in depth about this. But he brings up the layered stress model and just to make the math simple,
let's assume a dog has about a hundred units of stress until they have hit their max. And then the next thing that happens, they're going to have that dog version of a meltdown, whether that's fear for your dog or big barking, whatever it is.
Let's say they don't get enough activity in the day and that's 30 layers of stress, and then they have a big headache, and that's 40 layers of stress. We're at 70 layers of stress. And then they've been watching some prey outside the window and not able to get it. And it's increasing frustration and that's 20 more layers of stress. So I don't know where we're at right now because I wasn't doing the math, but let's just say we're at about.
80 or 90 units of stress. And then someone walks in your door that they don't know, a stranger and they're holding a big package and we've got 15 layers of stress. And your dog has a big reaction, whatever that is. Even though the person walking into the room with the big package that they don't know is something that they would potentially perceive as a threat. Something they'd be uncomfortable with.
If they hadn't had all of those other layers of stress built up. They would have 15 layers of stress to go without crossing over the threshold. So the question is which layers of stress can we impact? Which ones can we support them in with how we set up our rhythms and routines.
And the same thing for ourselves.
In the layered stress model for dogs, the base layer is health. If they have some kind of health issue going on. Everything else is going to be impacted. If you've ever been in a lot of pain, if you've ever had a surgery, If you've ever been really sick and just like bedridden,
You know that when we are in pain and our health is not doing well, everything else feels a lot harder. Sometimes we can't even do anything else because we're not in a great state with our physical health. So the first thing is always to make sure we're going to vets that we're getting regular checkups.
And that your dog is in good health. Also doing more intentional scans of their body, observation of their gate when you're petting them, like looking in their ears, touching every part of them. So you're feeling if anything, new is coming up. Those things will go a long way in at least getting you to the vet.
I like to make it a regular practice. Like if you're petting your dog, Don't just pet the top of their head or the parts we see all the time. What's going on on their elbow area? And their armpit? On the underbelly, in their groin area, in their toe joints. All of those areas are spaces that I think can get neglected. So , as long as your dog is comfortable being touched, I would start trying to insert that when you are calm and petting your dog. So health is the first layer.
The next layer is lifestyle. And if you want to dig into this more, I have a whole podcast. The first one I ever put up that is about how to know if your dog is happy. That was my sneaky way to get people interested to talk about giving dogs, biologically appropriate lifestyles. Every dog has a biologically appropriate lifestyle and the further they are from that lifestyle, the more stress they're going to have.
So the question there is what would that life look like? And what would make my dog emotionally fulfilled that's part of that life? And if I can give it directly to them, do that thing. If you have a herding dog and you happen to be near an area where they do herding and you can get that in their routine. Amazing.
But for a lot of us, we can't give them the direct thing they're going to want to do. So next. How close can we get, can we figure out the qualities of those things they want to do? And give them surrogate activities. That will allow them to express some of the drive that comes with the desire to do that thing, even if it's not the actual thing. So as an example,
For a herding dog, maybe they can't go outside and herd sheep, but maybe you can do a chase game. There's a sport called trie ball where they're pushing a big, like exercise balls. Around in a format, working with a human, or maybe it's just the chase. Maybe there's a local lure course. Maybe you can have them chase you.
Rather than trying to give you examples in this show, I highly recommend you check out that first episode, "is your dog happy," for some deeper dive in how to observe, to figure out what your dog likes and what kinds of things you can give them. That would be surrogates.
The third layer of the layered stress model is clarity. Meaning the dog understands what's expected of them and what's about to happen. So I think also with clarity, one of the things that happens for our dogs is they have very little control. Over their day-to-day compared to if they were in the wild.
And I'm not saying dogs would be better off in the wild. I think they get a lot of benefit from living with humans like AC and comfy couches and vet visits and health paid for and food paid for. So that's not the point of this, but what I am saying is that they don't have a ton of agency in their own day.
We control when they go outside and they have the opportunity to pee and poop. What they're going to eat, the amount and quantity they're going to eat. How they walk through the world on a leash with us, we have so much control for the modern city dog. We have so much. Control over what dogs are doing all the time.
That they really don't have much in their control compared to if they were in the wild. So a lot of dogs will get a sense of comfort from the predictability of a routine, knowing, okay, it's the morning. I'm going to go for a walk. It's the evening. I'm going to go for a walk or, Hey, it's mid day. This is when we play. Hey, mom's sitting at the computer now is not a time where we're going to engage.
I might as well take a nap because she's not going to play with me. Um, so dogs get a sense of comfort from the predictability of a routine, but I don't like to make a routine with a dog. Exact and on the money, like every day at 6:15 This is what we do. And then at 6:22 this is what we do, because then if for any reason you have to deviate from your routine.
It's really stressful for your dog because they don't know what's going on. So I like routines for dogs that have a little wiggle room We are you are going to eat breakfast sometime between six 30 and seven 30. That is when you will get your breakfast, you know, we're going to go for, and the window can be smaller.
It could be bigger, but just having a little flexibility. So it's not. Super rigid will help your dog to not experience stress. If you're running five minutes late one day.
All right, bringing it home. So, how do we know when it's time to zoom out and go pilot/engineer and come up with some new routines or systems for our house? The first thing that comes to mind for me is when you notice a cyclical or a habitual or a patterned situation, that is driving you nuts, that happens
over and over consistently. Someone comes in the door, my dog jumps all over them. Every time. Where you have just gotten caught in being frustrated with your dog. And maybe you've had your dog for a long time and now you just accept it and you don't think about fixing the problem anymore.
A lot of times, there's a routine change that you can put into place to really help.
So I'll give you an example, and this won't be relevant for everyone, but this just happened last week. I had a client share that his wife is coming in the door pregnant, and their big dog is jumping all over her on the daily . she loves this dog and she's excited to see the dog, but now it's getting dangerous.
They, luckily, have a backyard and I said, "do you always know when she's coming home?"
" Yes."
And there's someone that was home with the dog prior to her getting there, like beautiful scenario. So I said, "okay, can you, when she's 15 minutes out, take the dog outside? Run your dog?
Get a lot of that antsy, indoor energy out play with the ball til your dog gets tired? Then put your dog in the crate, right when she walks in the door? Your wife is Going to start by calmly approaching the crate . Anything that sounds like prey, high pitch, faster speed, faster movements, all of that's going to be very exciting to the dog.
So can she walk over with some treats with very calm energy and get your dog to sit a couple of times in the crate? Give it treats, then let it out. Get the dog out of the crate ask for a sit. Then do really, calm, slow, smooth pets. Instead. And can we start building calm? As the routine that gets your dog access to the humans, he wants to spend time with. We also could have done that. Another way I could have said, Hey, when she walks in, can she have a toy on her hand that she throws for the dog? Or that she puts in your dog's mouth? Cause this was a very, toy driven dog. There's a lot of different ways we could have played that to create a new routine. That is going to be easier for everybody.
So this is just one example. And, anything that you're going through in the house that is repeat high frustration or cyclical, I think it's worth zooming out and saying, can I do a new routine?
Some of the considerations when you're in your pilot engineer space, which is not in the moment to moment of the day. You have to set aside separate time where you can sit down and think about this logically and clearly when you're not in decision fatigue and when you're not actually in the midst of the situation.
So this takes time and energy. But it is worth it. Set aside, give yourself 30 minutes
when you're in this, brainstorm space about how am I going to shake up the rhythms and routines first, you're going to think about what are those things that are habitual, that are driving you nuts, or that seem to be habitually problematic for your dog? Like they always have a hard time at this time or doing this thing. And then you're going to think about what would be ideal for you and what would be ideal for your dog. Is this realistic. If you want a dog that sleeps all day and has no energy needs and you just let it go out to potty. And then you want it to be quiet and calm and sleeping while you're on zoom all day.
That is going to set both of you up for failure. That expectation will never be met. And so what could you do with your dog that gets them closer to that? Gets them more tired in the house. It doesn't take a ton of extra time from you, but can give you a lot of return on investment for the time that you're spending.
Some additional general questions that I can throw out here that may help you while you're in this brainstorm. What time do you have available to dedicate to this? Like looking at some of the constraints. What energy do you have available?
Where is there flexibility in your day or in your values or in what you're currently doing? And where's there no flexibility? Where is they're like a hard, no. When is your dog most active? When do you most want to be productive? When would it be beneficial for both of you to take a five minute break and do something different, maybe get off the computer or get out of the house.
Or if your dog is home alone, hire a dog walker. What are the moments that it would be really beneficial to insert something that we're not currently taking advantage of? And what lights your dog up? And again, go see that first episode " Is your dog happy" for more ideas and strategies.
If you're struggling to figure out how to get out of a pattern and you're like, I don't even have any ideas. You have a couple options. One is go way outside the box. Something that's delusional. And then just go, oh, is there an element of that, that I could actually use so that you open and expand your thinking? So you're not just stuck in the moment of what you're doing right now.
You can also get the help from a trainer. Trainers can really zoom out. They have bigger tool belts. So they're going to have other strategies and solutions that may not be on your radar.
I hope this show supported you. If you're sitting there thinking like, yeah, I have some ideas, but I would love a little more support or like a cheat sheet so that when I sit to think about my routines and make a plan, I have some things that'll inspire thoughts or questions. Let me know.
My email is in the show notes. I just didn't want to make it unless I know someone's going to actually use it. So let me know if you want that. I will create it for you. And if you have any other questions or things, you'd like me to cover, please send them my way. If you like the show, please leave me a review and subscribe as a newer podcast.
That is so, so, so helpful. And I appreciate you spending time and energy here. And being your dog superhero, taking some time to learn and make their life better and in turn, make your life better sending love. And I hope you have a great day.