Finding Value In Your 20s: Ayellet Sassoon's Insights Into Self-worth In The Market and Relationships on The GKP

Embark on an enlightening journey in this riveting episode of The GKP featuring the incredible Ayellet Sassoon. Together, we navigate the tumultuous twenties, discussing the intricacies of dating and the unique challenges that come with transitioning from a religious upbringing to a secular lifestyle. This dynamic conversation touches on the delicate balance of gaining independence while managing the expectations imposed by society and family.

Ayellet and I delve into the complexities of relationships, sharing insights on the importance of maintaining a balanced life, including dedicated gym routines. The conversation takes a meaningful turn towards professional life, emphasizing the significance of self-assertion, mental health advocacy, and destigmatizing therapy. We passionately advocate for increased accessibility to mental health resources, underscoring the transformative power of consistent healthy habits for holistic well-being.

This episode goes beyond the surface, exploring the liberating aspects of shaping one's personal narrative and the motivational force of self-belief. Join us for a captivating discussion that transcends generational boundaries, offering valuable perspectives on life, love, and the pursuit of holistic success. Subscribe now to gain fresh insights and be inspired on The Gabi Koyenov Podcast!

You are capable, think for yourself, stay curious, spread positivity, and to the rebellion!

Check out my Youtube channel! - Gabi Koyenov
 https://www.youtube.com/@gabikoyenov
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Transcript

Gabi: 0:30

Okay, everyone. Everyone welcome. To another episode of the Gobby kind of podcast. I'm so excited here today. I first of all is, is huge for me because. You were the first female guests that I'm having on? I L it honored. Yeah. It's actually a struggle for me to have like female guests. It's just been difficult to find people, especially. Growing up. Super religious, where like you only really talk to men. So it's awkward, like talking to women. Um, yeah, so. But so awkward. Yeah, it is. It's a little awkward. We're going to talk about this actually in the episode, we want to talk about like religion and, and, um, I guess branching out into the like, I guess real world. And living. In, you know, with a job and with a. Out in secular life. Like you. It's just a new kind of concept, but whatever. I feel it. You are a content creator. You are. Really, uh, a beautiful person inside and out. Yeah. You are an amazing. Family member. Friends you are my niece. Yes. And your makeup artist. Yeah, which is so cool YouTuber. I feel like I'm rambling a little bit. I let you want to introduce yourself. Yeah.

Ayellet: 1:43

I think ABI is mentioning all of the stuff that I've ever done in my career. Thank you. Um, I wasn't makeup artist for like two seconds. Okay. And then I was a pre-med student. And now I'm a sales rep. Yes,

Gabi: 1:58

that's it. You are a badass sales woman and

Ayellet: 2:00

soon to be personal trainer. Oh, that's so exciting.

Gabi: 2:03

I didn't know about this. Yes,

Ayellet: 2:05

that's so cool. One of the things we're going to talk about on the podcast. Navigating your twenties. Yes, this is fun.

Gabi: 2:13

We can, if you want. It would be a little bit more annoying just because, um, I'd mark it as explicit. So that will be dropping on, but. Whatever anyway, so navigating our twenties. This is a fun thing that we're going to talk about. Can I have permission

Ayellet: 2:27

to be explicit? Yes. You have absolute permission. It's kind of part of my vocabulary. I have to filter myself. Yeah, you

Gabi: 2:34

have permission to be your full you today. I yell at. You know, that's what we want here. Thank you. Of course. So navigating our twenties. I'm just going to pull out this book real quick. Uh, she, this for the camera. Like Jay, please come on my podcast.

Ayellet: 2:53

I got to read that book. Yeah. But, uh, Oh, I guess I should also say how old I am. Oh, yeah. How old are you? I'm 2222.

Gabi: 3:01

And just for reference, you don't have to share. Yeah. Uh, in your sales business. Hm. How much are you making like six figures?

Ayellet: 3:10

Um, I think that depends on the rep. I'm the rep. It depends on the rep. It depends how you perform. Okay. Um, I'm in technology sales. So it's a little cushier of a job than like, I don't know, lumber say. All right. I mean, people at my company have done lumber sales or like. Um, Like healthcare sales, stuff like that. It really just depends. Um, I think. W within my beginner. Uh, kind of role I'm making anywhere between like 60 to 80 K

Gabi: 3:43

that's amazing. And you're 23. 20 to 22, my bad. That's awesome. Sorry, can you pull your chair a little closer to me? Because the thing is blocking your face a little bit. Okay. Perfect. Yeah. Is this fast. Yeah, that's much better. And you can move the mic a little closer to you, however you want, and you could get aggressive with it. It's by the way. Yeah. Oh, wow. This

Ayellet: 4:03

is really cool. That's great.

Gabi: 4:04

Yeah. Anyways. So, um, so while 60 to 80 K

Ayellet: 4:08

yeah, that's crazy. If not. Not even higher. I mean, Yeah, my sister's she's, she's like an anomaly at this company and she's performed very, very well. So you have the opportunity to make six figures

Gabi: 4:19

if you want. Yeah, I'm not surprised,

Ayellet: 4:21

honestly. She's a beast, then she'll be on here. She'll be on.

Gabi: 4:25

She will. And we're going to do. Yeah, we're going to do a three way podcast. That's three. And I want to do like a dating panel or like we talked about, it's going to be so fun though. Yeah, absolutely. Um, yeah. So what did you want to talk about with navigating and our Tony's?

Ayellet: 4:39

Oh, good Lord. Um, when I was going to college, I. Kind of felt like I had to, like, it was, it wasn't a choice. It was just like, this is the next thing you do after high school. Um, and truth be told. I went to, I went to college a year early. I was, I was 17. And. I was very much still a child for sure. And I was like, I'm not ready to go out into the workforce. I think 17. I think, you know, what I doing? I was like, let me go ahead and just sit in school for four years. I'll be 21. That's still sounds super young. Like, let me just let me just procrastinate right in college. And so I did pre-med uh, because I have Jewish parents. That's what you do when you have Jewish parents, you go and you do pre-med or pre-law, or I don't know that that's what my parents wanted me to do. Um, and then as I got older, And COVID happened. COVID was a big deal for me in terms of like choosing my profession because I kind of saw how healthcare workers were treated. Uh, During COVID and I was like, nah. It's really crazy. Yeah. Big big. No. For me and how psycho. What can I pivot into. Uh, and I was working as a receptionist before COVID and after COVID, that was like, while you were in school while I was in school. Cause it was, it's the easiest job to have when you're a student, you just sit there and you study and you get paid. Good money guys. A few receptionists don't take less than$25 an hour. If you live in New York. Okay. Yeah. I don't do it because trust me, they have the budget. I like I'm. That was like a lesson I had to learn like low balling yourself. I low-balled myself because I started at 18 and they were willing to pay me 25. Yeah. In fact, they probably would've paid me 30. Right. So just like, that's something I'm navigating to, like, what is my worth in the working industry? Fascinating. Am I a talent? Like, am I a hot commodity? If the answer is yes, girl. And that's the thing it's hard to know if the answer is yes. And I think as you work and you. You grow within the, the industry, whatever industry you decide to get into. I chose corporate for now. Slowly heading, honestly, corporate has its has its pluses and minuses for sure. But right now I'm really living up in the pluses. Like, I think it's like an ideal thing for me because you don't create. Uh, like you. You are salary basically. So you don't like, if you feel tired one day and you want a rest, you can wear. Uh,

Gabi: 7:15

I thought you're getting

Ayellet: 7:16

commissions. Commission and salary. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, so. When, when you work, like, let's say as a trainer, you have to work everyday. Everyday. You don't work. You're throwing money out the window. Right. Right. And you're also, your income is based on your clients. If your client gets sick or if your client goes on vacation, or if your client just doesn't want to hire you anymore. Yeah, that's a stream of income that you're losing. I mean,

Gabi: 7:43

you brought up so many good points. Um, yeah. It's like working in the workforce. Like he brought up differences of working in an organization versus doing like a service business. If you want to be a physical trainer. And that you're like, you're saying rightfully if you miss a day, You don't get paid at all. Yeah. Um, on the other hand, though, if you were a hot commodity and you have good value as a physical, like as a physical trainer, Then you can make, you know, the sky's the limit. I don't know. Yeah, personal trend is probably you can charge 200 plus. And on the clients.

Ayellet: 8:14

You know, per session. Oh yeah. And especially, I think like being in New York city, you have such a large clientele, right? Who once again, don't low ball yourself who will pay whatever price you give them. If they feel that you are worth that value. Fascinating. So psychiatry or whatever it is. Yeah. People believe that when they pay more for a service. It's worth more. It's more of a valuable service.

Gabi: 8:40

It's true. Honestly, they like. As a therapist, I'm a therapist. Uh, mental health, um, whatever I'm marriage, family, therapist, and professional clinical counselor. Um, I like, I understand, even though that I want to provide people. With affordable services. Seeing someone for free. Unless they're literally kids, so they have no money to pay you anyways. But seeing someone for free is actually bad for them. It's better. Even if they have a very little money, it's better for them to pay you at least something because when you pay money,

Ayellet: 9:14

Yeah.

Gabi: 9:16

Precede. It's fine. So I'm saying like when you pay money for something, you are more likely to take it seriously. It's a value it, yeah. Yeah, exactly. To value it. It's like, okay, you know, I'm doing therapy session instead of like, just coming in and talking. Uh, garbage about family members and friends and whatever, all, you know, what they did to me this week, which could be valid. Some people just need to vent. You're probably more likely to sit there and want to improve your life because it's like, Hey, I'm paying this person.

Ayellet: 9:39

That's exactly what I'm doing right now in therapy. I go into my therapist office and I'm like, what are we doing today? I in an agenda and she's like, that's not how this works. I was like, I'm paying so much money already. I mean, that's not how this works. It takes me off. Yeah, thanks.

Gabi: 9:56

That's also another topic we should talk about, like people. Especially with, with regards to navigating our twenties like therapy for a long time with stigmatized. Yeah. And for horrible reasons, you know, people that need help should really go and get help that they need. You know, we should make that as accessible as possible for people. We shouldn't be shaming you, oh, you have a problem. Shame on you for trying to get help. Right. That's really screwed.

Ayellet: 10:18

Absolutely. Yeah. And I think this also. Where this comes really. Heavy for me is in terms of like my parents. And, and, and by parents, I mean, like really my mom. But like when my daughter, by the way, Gabi sister. Yeah, when. My parents got divorced. My dad was like, oh, we should all go to therapy because this is a pretty big event for our children to be going through. And my mom had more. So the idea of like, No, they're fine. Like they don't like, they're not crazy. Like, why are you calling my kids crazy? You know, like, cause that stigma is still very much there 10 years ago. Right? And I'm just grateful that now. That stigma has mostly fallen off, right. For everyone. Um, And we can all go out and get therapy. Yeah. Yeah. Better help. Where you at? Get on here.

Gabi: 11:15

Yeah, better health please. Uh, Sponsor my podcast. But I think like what you're pointing out to you also is that in the Korean community, Yeah, it's a little bit more stigmatized. Oh, For sure. It's only getting better. Don't get me wrong, but it's a little bit more stigmatized, especially when it's like, oh, you're going to talk about family problems to strangers.

Ayellet: 11:35

Like what problems were perfect. Everything is fine. Yeah. Generational trauma.

Gabi: 11:41

Yeah, it's funny. Actually, there's like a denial aspect. That's 100%. You know, this reminds me of an enough. A lot. You know enough. Have you heard of him? He's like a rapper. Yeah. Yeah. So he has this one line from one of his songs. I can't remember. He's like, I'm not embarrassed to say I have problems. I'm embarrassed to stand over to care of him. You know? Yeah. It's such a good line. It's. Yeah, everyone has problems. Every single person in life. I don't care who you are, you have problems. And it's like fun, embarrassing to, to say it or to admit it. It's really embarrassing. If you do nothing about it, it's like, if you can do something about your problems and you don't some batching. You know,

Ayellet: 12:16

Yeah. Yeah, I think also, maybe we're coming from a place of privilege because we're both. We both felt maybe financial struggle and maybe financial. Freedom. I in different stages in different. And I think maybe we come from a place of privilege at this point in our time because we can't afford therapy.

Gabi: 12:38

That's such a good point. Honestly, it's a really good point. I, yeah, my heart does go off for people that can't even afford

Ayellet: 12:43

it and because they can't even afford the necessity. Right. Like, how am I going to pay rent this month? Exactly. For those people, you get a pass. Okay. They're swimming in that dough when you don't fix your shit, what are you doing?

Gabi: 12:55

That's so true too, but I mean, even for people that let's say don't have the money and maybe they're too stressed to even think about this, um, There are still plenty of free resources online. And, you know, watching. More affordable therapy too. And if you have Medicaid, If you're poor and you don't have Medicaid, get on Medicaid. Yeah. Um, you know, Manage

Ayellet: 13:16

of the country you live in. Yeah in America.

Gabi: 13:19

People will say that there's no free healthcare here, but actually like Medicaid is pretty good. If you.

Ayellet: 13:23

Yeah. Right. Are you struggling enough? Are you really, really grasping at straws at the grocery stores? You can have free health care. That's. The only way you got

Gabi: 13:33

suffered. Yeah. This is sponsored by Medicaid. I'm joking. No, but seriously, if. You really don't have money.

Ayellet: 13:39

Like together. Get on it.

Gabi: 13:41

So dirt poor. It's tough that. It is tough, honestly, it's, it's really tough out there. It will be better if we had a more universal like healthcare, I think. Um, yeah, I don't know. There's obviously a right way to do it and wrong way to do it. Oh, sure. Yeah. But it was, I think this is going to tie us back a little bit full circle, because you were mentioning how you saw in the medical industry, the doctors and nurses weren't being treated well through COVID and I have a little experience working with agencies as a therapist. And I will tell you, I, I understand this very well. And while this applies definitely in the therapy field. It also applies for sure in the medical field as well. I'm pretty confident. Hm agencies and whoever runs hospitals, whoever runs all these medical programs, this is exactly what they're looking for. They are looking to squeeze as much money out of the client as possible. They literally wants to charge the max amount of money. Yeah. While paying the services like the doctors, the therapists, whoever it is the least amount of money. Yeah. It's all about ROI literally to give like the most possible care. And I know this from my job that I had as a therapist, this agency did not care about the students being serviced. I was working in a school as a school counselor. They did not, they could not care less about the students. They don't care about them getting results. They don't care about anything. They just care that there's a therapist, seeing them writing reports that they can show the government or, and the insurances so that they can. Go and build the max amount, literally the maximum, they do not want you seeing anyone else like that. They cannot bill or anything like that. And it's really terrible. And it said. That like these people are real people. The kids are real people in the school that I was working in. For example, the real people, you know, And they really need like a therapist and just because they don't necessarily have the, uh, um, they don't have the slipping I'm on right now. They don't have the IEP. It's not on there. It's not IEP mandated for them to see a therapist. It doesn't mean they don't need it. And doesn't mean that they can't benefit from it. And it's sad because the agencies don't care, you know? And capitalism. Yeah. It's really sad. It's really tough, but, you know, um, and then it's the same thing, doctors too. Probably they like, yeah, you want to spend more time with your patient. It doesn't matter, you know, go see the next person you. We'll help this one. I think,

Ayellet: 15:48

yeah. To be. To stand out in the healthcare industry. That's something that you need to. Make a conscious decision to have and to do. And I say this because it makes a big impact when you're able to spend those extra five to 10 minutes that you're technically not billing for, but you're still able to give that time to your. Uh, whoever it is, you're speaking to you as a healthcare professional, because it makes them feel like. Oh, she cares exactly. They actually want to help people. They're not just here for the paycheck and. It makes a massive difference. And I see this cause I've only experienced it once in my life with my current therapist. Well, always go a little bit over. W every time, like five, 10 minutes. And she's not a stickler about it versus I have a contrast. I have two therapists and the other one is always like, oh, we're at time. Bye. And it doesn't, it feels like a business transaction when it's like that. Like, Six 15 on the dot. Yeah, right. So it kind of just. I don't enjoy the therapy as much. Cause I'm like, this is like, yeah, I don't feel like you care. And I don't expect therapist to care about all of their patients, but at least pretend to.

Gabi: 17:02

Yeah. I feel like the therapist is the one people like the one person you're really paying to care.

Ayellet: 17:07

Yeah. Kerry about

Gabi: 17:10

right. I don't know. I mean, it's really sad. There are a lot of good therapists about therapists out there, but, um, You know, hopefully you find the right ones

Ayellet: 17:19

and yeah, I'm pretty happy with the split I have. Oh, okay. I'm going to be honest. The split you have with regards to with therapy. Cause I do group therapy. I don't think most people know what group therapy is. What my group therapy is. It's just a bunch of women who get on zoom once a week for like an hour. And we all just talk about our problems. I mean, obviously there's more to it because it is therapy. But it's just nice to have like a group of women. I could tell stuff to. That doesn't lead back to my life. Like. We'll go out to like my friend's house and hang out and then there'll be like, so what was her thing? Thank you for telling me about last time. And I'm like, oh, I don't feel mentally ready to be giving you an update on my life. And so it's nice to like, not be ambushed in real life with things that you're going through. Uh, so I really like group therapy. It's, it's helping me lean into like a community of women that I wouldn't otherwise have.

Gabi: 18:14

That's awesome. That's beautiful and I'm happy you have that. Thanks. Yeah. Okay. So. I mean. Is there more, uh, with regards to navigating in our twenties? Like what, what else are we? Uh, yeah, I just,

Ayellet: 18:28

I feel like an idiot for going to college. First thing was that, well, when I was 17, I've really wanted to pursue like a makeup career. Okay. And I think if I did. I think I would probably be. Very well off right now. I think I would have been super established in the makeup space. I think I would have been charging a lot of money. I think it would have been really, really good at my job. And I think. And you're really good at makeup. I am, but for me, the passion needs to be there. Right. And I'm not passionate about makeup anymore. Oh, okay. Interesting. And I wonder if I did pursue makeup, would it still be a passion of mine or when I move on to something else? I don't know. But. What, what passion is there for me right now is fitness. And I don't want to ignore it. Like I ignored my makeup. Kind of drive. And the reason I did school was just to make my parents happy. That's so sad. Yeah. Like, I didn't want to go to college, but I didn't want to finish 12th grade of high school either. So I was like, let me just because I went to Yeshiva and 12th grade and yeshivas, honestly, it was so stupid. I was like, why am I even here? My brain cells are dying. Being here. I need. More.

Gabi: 19:46

Random side note. It's like. I think 12th grade should be completely abolished like everywhere.

Ayellet: 19:54

Which is just my school where I was like, I think it's

Gabi: 19:57

everywhere. But I'll be honest with you. 12th grade was the best year of my school. That was when I really became like, Yeah, the most confident. Just the most.

Ayellet: 20:06

At

Gabi: 20:06

that time. I wish I could relax. I'm really into this psychology. So literally I was, I don't know. I was so confident back then. I wish I could be that confident. So

Ayellet: 20:18

confident. Yeah. Borderline

Gabi: 20:20

cocky, but I mean, I probably was cocky. Yeah. But I would just like

Ayellet: 20:24

hypnotize people. That shit. And it damn it we're really cool. I remember looking at him. I was like, oh God. Movies were really cool.

Gabi: 20:35

But, uh,

Ayellet: 20:37

I was like, be here. Nice. Thank you so much. I would, I would brag about you and small. Oh,

Gabi: 20:45

that's so cute. Thank you. Thank you. And then it was, yeah, but I want to get back to it. So you're saying that you regretted college because you wished that you pursued makeup and said you were more passionate about. One is for me. So that's so interesting and I respect that and I appreciate that education is definitely going to be for everyone. I personally think, I don't know if this is a controversial opinion, but I think that unless, you know, you want to go into some type of vocation, like for you, you knew you wanted to do makeup, right. Unless you're confident, like, okay, I want to be an electrician. So some of that doesn't require college. I honestly do think you should go to college, especially if you have access to like a cheap college at Queens college. And if you're kind of like under privileged, you could get financial aid and you could go to college basically free. I know people that have gotten paid to go to college. Here's

Ayellet: 21:30

my argument. Yeah, go ahead. College degrees. Don't take you as far as they used to. Okay. Really get a job. I mean, I got my job because I had a college education, right. That was, it was either have sales experience or have a degree, a degree. And I was like, well, I have a degree. So give me the job. But. I don't think. The degree opened enough doors for me to justify the cost of the degree. Was it very expensive. I know I went to Touro college, so it was like seven, eight grand a semester. Yeah. It was expensive, but financial aid maybe. Right. So it was, I just like paid a hundred bucks here and there for link labs. Right. I really got so lucky. Like what's that like, my family was doing financially poorly at that. That's a weird thing to say. I'm so grateful. I was poor.

Gabi: 22:24

No, honestly, it's true. You got a lot of benefits.

Ayellet: 22:26

Yeah. We also got free dentistry because of Medicaid and we always, it was never, we were never scared to go to the doctor because we knew that we, it would get covered. That's awesome. Low key is great. And we got food stamps, like. We were living. We weren't actually. Um, as a kid, it's good to know that there's like, I remember feeling safer knowing that we had all these stuff we can lean on. Right. I felt more stable. I feel you. Yeah.

Gabi: 23:00

Oh, that's beautiful. So, uh, I was saying though, I think that if somebody doesn't know, feeling like me talking about somebody that's lost in their twenties, let's say you're out of high school. You don't know what to do. I would say, if you have a lot of money, It was the first thing I would say. If you have a lot of money, take a gap year on fricking shelf traveled the world. Fuck. Yeah. You're never going to have a time in your life where you're going to be able to travel the world, especially when you're 18, your standards are low. Yeah, go to hostels, go like. You know, take trains throughout Europe, go to frickin. We're going to be dangerous.

Ayellet: 23:31

Okay. If you're stupid and you're 18, you usually put on 18. Never seen the world. I wouldn't go alone.

Gabi: 23:37

Okay. If you're a man, I would push you to go alone. Honestly. Here a

Ayellet: 23:40

woman though. Yeah, that's dangerous.

Gabi: 23:42

If you're a woman, it is dangerous. My wife does have a friend who traveled solo. And she's like a five, one, like skinny.

Ayellet: 23:50

Very experienced. The more experienced you are, the better you are at navigating those situations and knowing which situations not to even get involved in.

Gabi: 23:59

That's a true point, actually. Yeah, that's a good point. Listen. Stay safe. I'm not recommending

Ayellet: 24:03

anyone. Someone in the beginning, learn an experienced person. Yeah. Learn the ropes grab a vet. You know, A veteran. And then, um, do we do it yourself once you learn how to be safe about it? That's a really good

Gabi: 24:15

point. Yeah. That's a great point. And I would say, try to do a cheap. Yeah. Right. Let's say, try to do it cheap and try to do it. Um, you know, safe obviously, and try to do it like.

Ayellet: 24:26

If you're rich, you don't need to do it cheap. That's a good point. Yeah.

Gabi: 24:28

That's like the goal. You don't need to do a cheap

Ayellet: 24:30

that's true. I want to, I want to break the stigmatism, but you don't have to be super well off to travel. You just, it needs to be one of your priorities. Like, do I want to go and get Chipotle every night or do I want to go traveling? Exactly right. Um, in a couple of months. You know what I'm saying? Choose what you're spending your money on. Because we all have dispensable income. It's just, where are you putting it? So

Gabi: 24:53

true. It's so beautiful. And it's so true. Yeah. It's. You know, this I'm starting to listen to the four hour. It's disposable. At disposable expensive dispensable. Oh, God. It sounds like the name of the movie now. They can just pick up only. Right, right. Um, Yeah. But yeah, so travel the world. And honestly, I think like, like you're saying, you don't need to really have that much money, so I kind of take it back a little bit. Yeah, I can still do it. But I would say, go talk to strangers, make any memories, have experiences, you know, The

Ayellet: 25:27

Jewish version is going to Israel for a year. Exactly. I was just thinking that. Right, right. That's literally the, and I didn't do that. Um, and to be honest, I wish I did. I wish I did. Fricking something that would help me grow up a little bit. Because already at 18, I was very, very mature for my age, but I feel like I lacked that world real life experience that you need. I was very like logically mature. A little bit logically mature, but also like in terms of, could I bust out babies and take care of an entire household and run that shit? Yeah. Yeah. At 18 really. Probably at like 16. That's crazy. Yeah. I was cooking at a young age, working at a young age, cleaning at a young age. Consistently. So, yeah, I can, I can have that shit down pat, or at least I could, because I was fresh out of training. But now I'm just like frozen dinner. Literally my breakfast, lunch and dinner are either frozen or. That's funny. That's my sister cooks for me. I'm just so hazy.

Gabi: 26:36

When you work a nine to five, you should give yourself some grace. Yeah. It's

Ayellet: 26:41

worked from home coffee.

Gabi: 26:43

Okay. But still, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'm in listen with the amount of time we just find ourselves wasting with Instagram and Netflix and all that stuff. YouTube. I don't know where the day goes. Sometimes.

Ayellet: 26:57

I feel you, that's why I try to listen to podcasts. Right? I put it on, on the background. I listen. And I do. I even do work while I listen to a podcast. I listened to the daily. Do you know the daily? No. I like to make it a routine. I wake up. The first thing I do is put on the daily. I yank myself out of bed, brush my teeth and it gives me like a little dose of news in the morning. Just put on like a news, like, I dunno, what kind of nude. They've found like a news channel. In the mornings. I would be crazy. And then they just, they listen to the news in the morning and that's too much media for me. Fresh in the morning, but I can listen to a very nicely curated podcast with a static music and a whole team that put this thing together and there's interviews and it's complex. That's not, that's like the kind of newsletter. More like softer and softer, but also really intense. They've been talking about Israel a lot on the podcast. And my sister can't hear anything about Israel. She freaks out. So, um, that's,

Gabi: 28:02

by the way, a phenomenon, I'm hearing a lot of people that like are just getting anxiety, hearing about the Israel. Yeah. It's it's hard to hear. Right. I feel like, especially for UNL, you guys are both Israeli. Yeah. I don't know if you want to, I could edit that out if you don't want me to

Ayellet: 28:18

say. I think we're getting really deep in personnel. And I think that's just part of it. I literally told them I was dirt. Poor. Right, right. Um, But anyway. I think the report also, like in the context of like the Jewish community. We were living in cars. We had a lot of friends that were well off and comparing yourself to them, doesn't feel very good either. Um, so yeah, you don't have to put that in. But. What are we talking

Gabi: 28:47

about? So this is how you start your morning, UNC.

Ayellet: 28:50

And then I brush my teeth. I didn't ready for work. And. That's like my, my podcast. And then I've been listening to this other girl. Uh, she's like a self-help girl and she's helped me in the dating space. And I know we want her to talk about dating. So segue. Segue. But she basically helped me understand, like my self worth in the dating market. Interesting. Interesting. She helped me understand the quality of a woman that I am, but also like just like women have value inherently without having to do anything. They just are valuable. Okay. That's why men are always trying to access us. Right. Okay. And so. She just like helped me as like understanding how to approach the dating market basically. And I've been learning a lot because I feel like when I got out of my past relationship, I was just like, Scratching my head. And I was like, I don't know what to do. I needed to educate myself on to. Like the values I need in a relationship and how we even want to conduct my relationship. Because my relationship before it was very like, even Steven. 50 50, not in terms of paying, but like we were very much equals and as I'm doing more research, I'm like, oh, I kind of like the traditional. Roles more ware, protector provider, and then like, I am just a cute girl.

Gabi: 30:12

You know, More like going back into those masculine,

Ayellet: 30:14

feminine roles. Interesting. I, I don't, I was definitely very much in my feminine energy for, for a while, but I think I'm really like stepping into the ball gown. Now. I'm just like, I am a freaking woman bitches. Well, maybe not a goddess. But definitely a woman. And I'm like, just understanding what that means. I'm understanding the gravity. Of what being a woman

Gabi: 30:40

is. That's amazing. Honestly, I'm really happy for you. Thank you. That sounds really good. It sounds like you're feeling comfortable in this and you're exploring this and that's like really good things. Hmm. I want to hear from you and I discuss masculinity and my podcasts and I never had a woman. So finally, I'm able to talk about femininity to, uh, I'm really, uh, I'm curious to hear more, like, what does femininity mean to you? Yeah. How do you explain, like being in your feminine? My feminine energy, feminine energy. Like I could try to explain to you if you would like to hear how I kind of define masculinity, go for it. Um, okay, so like masculinity, like you said, being a protector provider and I genuinely believe, okay. Another masculine trait is. When you don't want to do something, doing it anyways. You know, not wanting to do it. Listen, unless you're sick, unless you have a real excuse, but not being in the mood to do something is not an excuse. You know, if you're a man, you got to do something, even when it's hard. You know,

Ayellet: 31:31

I think that relates to both. Genders just in different ways. So of

Gabi: 31:35

course, yeah. I'm not saying that women cannot or should

Ayellet: 31:38

not. Specifically within your duties within your role. Exactly. We want to protect and provide, guess what? Motherfucker. Ain't no choice. Right? Exactly.

Gabi: 31:46

If you were getting you and your wife were getting less. I don't care that you want runaway, it's your job to go in and protect. It doesn't matter if you like, you're too tired to work, but if you don't have money to put food on the table for your kids, it's your job. Like, it doesn't matter that you're not in the mood, you know?

Ayellet: 32:03

Um, versus women within that specific role, right? Can. They can opt out, but let's say the woman is running the house. She can't just not cook dinner or she can't just, yeah. Um, not take care of the kids and put them to bed, whatever. You know what I'm

Gabi: 32:19

saying? It's funny. Yeah. It applies to both. Definitely. And I would say it in different ways for sure. But, um, it's so funny. I don't know. Why do I feel like that's more of a masculine thing? Like when you're not in the mood to do something like you do it anyways.

Ayellet: 32:34

I think maybe the whole male gender.

Gabi: 32:38

It's just muscular. No. I'll tell you what? I think it is a little bit, I think it's because it's like courage, you know, what is courage? Courage is like, you're afraid and you overcome that fear and do it. And it was like, to me, courage is masculine. And not that women can't be courageous. I think it's important for women to be courageous too, but I view it as a masculine thing. You know, like.

Ayellet: 32:57

We are specifically thinking about it. That that seems very masculine to you, but I could definitely tell you that women experience that.

Gabi: 33:03

Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, and it's like, okay, I'm too tired to go to the gym. Jim anyways, you know, Yeah, exactly. Work those clots. Or, you know? Yeah. And, um, listen, I, I mean, I'm saying that today, actually I had a headache. I was thinking about canceling, but I was like, no, The pen to the gym. No I'm feeling better now. And I didn't end up going to the gym. I might sneak into the gym later. I know like the back door entrance. Are you going to it's? I go to my college, my old college has gym.

Ayellet: 33:31

Oh, shut up. You're releasing this on the internet, you know? Why not.

Gabi: 33:39

yeah. Um, But this actually brings us full circle back to college unless you, oh, no, we were talking about femininity. No. Let's

Ayellet: 33:46

continue this topic much more than college. Fuck that.

Gabi: 33:50

Okay. Um, so yeah, so let's, let's hear it from you. Like. What is feminine

Ayellet: 33:54

energy is very much in the receiving. But also multiplying. So you receive, you go nom, nom, nom, and then you give back tenfold. That's what women in neatly do. That's beautiful. I mean, you've probably noticed it with, with your wife now. Like she's really a little powerhouse.

Gabi: 34:15

You know, it's interesting with my wife, I would say, I don't necessarily think, like I do something and then she gives me back. Like 10, like honestly she just surprises me stuff that like, she buys me a little gifts sometimes. Like, This one time she bought, she bought me like a bunch of like blue candy and stuff. And then just like with like a blue gift bag and she's like out of the blue, cause I love you. Like, I didn't do anything for her to, for her. Yeah, it was just, she just randomly done.

Ayellet: 34:40

To see, because. Multiplying takes time. So, and I know you've only been married for like, what was it a year now?

Gabi: 34:47

Not even. Each other a year ago, actually. That's crazy. I know. By the way it's really crazy that we. A year and a week ago, I would've had no idea that I'd be married. Yeah. Yeah,

Ayellet: 34:58

no clue. It's crazy for me because I was with my ex for like four years. And I was like at the one-year mark. I don't think we were anywhere near, I think like at two, three years we kind of knew like, oh, it's a C like, We could get married, you know, like we were like very sure of each other. So it's just crazy how you guys did that in a year. That's insane. Were you

Gabi: 35:21

dating? Uh, like three months, four months. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. But we were spending. We spent literally every day together, that's probably spend like 10 hours a day. Um, wow. Yeah.

Ayellet: 35:35

Yeah, that's really cute.

Gabi: 35:37

Yeah, it is really good. I love that. But anyway, so yeah, let's get back to feminine. So yeah, they, they, you would say that femininity, they receive and it's about like being graceful in that reception, let's say. And. And multiplying, like expand, like making something better.

Ayellet: 35:52

Subconscious interesting. We're not aware of what we're doing. We just do it innately. It's part of our nature, right? Because we're nurturers. And the definition of nurture is so that it can grow. Like that's the whole point of nurturing something so we can grow. And I think we just do that innately, like I'm looking around at your gorgeous home. I'm sure Haviva. I don't know if you say your name. I'm sure your wife had like a huge role in this as well. Right? Um, Anyway enough about her. I'm trying to bring her into it here. I don't, as I wrote, Only date in the dating market since. Okay. So. I broke up with my ex I think like eight, nine months ago. Okay. And I took a long time, a long time to sit and heal. And like, I was. I realized, I don't think I'll ever. Ever not love him. Like, I don't think I'll ever fully be healed from it. Because randomly, sometimes I'll just think about us and I'll start sobbing. And I'll just mourn the relationship. Randomly months later. Like seven months later and like, Just sobbing. You just cry and you. And you mourn it and it's sad. And I don't know if I feel like guys are notorious for taking. Like forever to heal or is it the opposite way around? Um, I know. One of the sexist definitely heals quicker than the other. I think

Gabi: 37:21

they would say if anything guys would heal quicker, but I feel like that's not fair.

Ayellet: 37:24

Really? Yeah. That's what they say. I don't know who knows.

Gabi: 37:28

I think if anything actually. What that would mean is that women would heal faster because you let yourself feel it more. And,

Ayellet: 37:35

but it takes us a while to build up those feelings. That's true too. I hear them. We built it slower and we also lose it slower. I heard that. Basically, we get the short end of the stick.

Gabi: 37:46

That's what I'll tell you from my experience, I've had a, you know, a person that I've really caught a lot of feelings for, and it didn't work out or whatever. Like we never, uh, connected on it. It just like really smashed my heart. Like literally, it took me forever to frickin heal from that. Oh, I know. Yeah. Yes. To me forever. Um,

Ayellet: 38:05

I know it's really

Gabi: 38:06

crazy. It's really tough. Yeah. It's really tough. I mean, I can't even imagine for you, you were together for years, right? Yeah,

Ayellet: 38:11

that's insane. But like I said, as I rotationally day, and I'm watching this girl's videos and I'm just applying. Like before I go out on an, on a new day, I watch her video and I like refresh this lady. Brainwashing yourself. I'll send it to you after the podcast. Oh, you don't wanna plug her in. I haven't. I honestly, I don't know her name. She just comes up on my feet and I click on her video. Um, but it's called the spoiled girl support group. Podcast broadcast. Okay. Cool. And her name is manifest. Oh, okay. Cool. She's an Asian lady and. She's just so full of wisdom and she's young, like me too. And I'm just like, really? How is she so smart

Gabi: 38:50

by the way, manifests? Oh, you're invited to this podcast.

Ayellet: 38:54

I don't know where she's faced. Um, but she basically just like. Helps me understand the value in caliber. It meant because growing up, I attracted every kind of man. Because I was pretty awful person. Yeah. And I may have attracted the attention of like the wrong men, that men. And obviously I was perfectly capable of attracting good men because I have attracted good men in my adulthood, in my discernment. She talks about that there, meaning like your ability to judge a situation. Logically and well, and make a valuable decision. That's not going to screw you. That's what being in your discernment is interesting. And. I I've like. I like applying what she teaches me. Out on these dates out on my rotational dating escapade. It's beautiful. Been really helpful in like helping me understand. Like how I want to have a relationship and how I can execute and practice on these people. Oh, that's beautiful. They're experiments. Right. But yeah,

Gabi: 39:56

it gives you the opportunity to practice

Ayellet: 39:58

your feminine. Yes. Because previous to this, I was only with my ex. Like he was my. Like my first serious relationship. That. And I was also like fricking 18 when we got together. So before then the in. And our Jewish as community, there was limited options. I didn't go to like public school or coed school. Like I was going to school with just girls. So what guys, and this actually leads us into our next topic. Yeah, we're on point today. Yeah. Um, Of like growing up in the Jewish space bubble, like there's an echo. Growing up. Is that better? That's better. Yeah. That's. Growing up in the Jewish bubble and then going out into. The world. And having to navigate how to interact with the opposite sex.

Gabi: 40:52

That's a challenge. Yeah,

Ayellet: 40:53

that's a real challenge. I think, especially if you're interacting with them because I do on the side. Sometimes I dance at bar and bar bar and bat mitzvahs. And. It gets really uncomfortable with it with the boys. Cause I'm just like, what the fuck do I do? Oh, what the fuck do I do? What's it doing some ASMR? I don't know. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do. I don't know how to navigate that situation and the worst park. Is when they try to raise me up, which they do. Notoriously. Oh my God. Yeah. And I'm just like, It's so inappropriate. I'm poor king. I know you're at a party you're chilling. But I'm working and you're making me uncomfortable. Your child. Yeah, right. I've also been hit on by I've also been hit on. Not by the parents, but like by older staff members,

Gabi: 41:45

Oh, my

Ayellet: 41:46

gosh. Like Ford eager, old staff members. Wow. It's so uncommon. Cause it's like, can't you tell him like 20, how do you not know that I'm 20. Shame shame. Yeah.

Gabi: 42:02

Right, right, right. Uh, dang. So, I mean, how do you deal with it in those situations?

Ayellet: 42:09

I just politely decline, but I did hit on a staff member once who happened to be. Very older, like I think in his. I think he was like mid thirties, which I've been with actually. Um, it wasn't. It wasn't a big deal. It felt fine. But we met at a party. We were both like looking at each other. And we were giving each other eyes. And I was like, I need to get this guy's number. He, he was fine. Okay. He was fit and sexy. You

Gabi: 42:43

know, this is one of those like disparities. Men and women like you have older, attractive women. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. But I feel like a lot of guys don't even hit their peak until they're like in their thirties facts.

Ayellet: 42:54

Yeah. No it's facts. They need to like sit in mature and marinade in there. Eman space or whatever they need to work on building themselves. And usually they get pretty successful with that age.

Gabi: 43:06

My best years are yet to come with my legs. I've been one of my goals, I guess. Nonsense on the podcast. One of my goals in life is to bring sexy back.

Ayellet: 43:16

Oh, my

Gabi: 43:16

gosh. Yeah, just this undefined goal of like bring sexy back. One of the things Gavi is doing

Ayellet: 43:22

with his life. And you know what? I'm glad that men can peak in their like thirties and forties. Like, I'm really happy for them. And I something I've realized is that I want to embrace my aging. Like, I'm obviously going to get Botox though. Don't get me wrong. When the time comes, it shall happen. Right. But I want to, I don't want to like, Fight it. I want to like, let it wash over me. So like if I get gray hair, which I very well might because of my Bihari and jeans. At the age of 30, I started getting Grazer like 18. I know, I know it's in our genes. Um, like, um, I'm just going to embrace it. I'm just going to embrace that shit. So. Um, and I think it's like, it's super, super beautiful when, when women just wear their hair gray and they look, they look pretty too. Like, it actually looks like a vibe. Thank you for not dying yet. Cause then you get like that weird grown out part and it's just like so awkward. And honestly watching grace and Frankie, not to plug grace and Frankie. I don't know what that is it. Do you know Jane Fonda? No. Oh, good God. Who are you? Basically, it's the show about like really old people, like seventies, eighties, who. Um, Her their husbands. Are are gay for each other and they've been gay for each other for like 20 years. And they've been cheating on their wives for. The longest time and. The wives hate each other. And then they learn to slowly like each other. And they're like, because of the whole gay thing. Yeah, because they low key, like moving together. The two guys move in together. You guys move in together, they get married and then the two wives move in. They're still

Gabi: 45:03

married to the two wives.

Ayellet: 45:04

They get divorced. Oh, they get divorced. Yeah. Um, and so it's like watching Jane Fonda and I forgot the other character's name. Kind of like, Figure out that space. And I like the reason why I like it is because I like old people. I like the always have some kind of wisdom here. Interesting. And so watching. Grace and Frankie, I'm just like, I also like watching the golden bachelor, just watching old people in their peak. It it's motivating. There was a six-year-old that was fucking volar bleeding on that show. Wow. And in, um, the golden bachelor, I was like, Oh, I don't have to stop ever because she's doing it at 60. That is cool. So empowering. It really is. The perspective, because life is short. You got to see it. Because you can, it's so easy to live in your twenties and be like, I'm invincible. I'm going to do all the drugs. And then you drug out and you, like, you have so much alcohol and weed and whatever the heck it is. And then you age really poorly. Right. And you forget that when you do those things, you're aging, your body. Yeah. And I mean, None of my parents have done any drugs or ha. Both drank very. Moderates amount of alcohol and they both look so fucking young. And I feel a little stupid cause I get high all the time. No, but I'm saying like the shit catches up with you, you know? Um, and I'm also like not afraid to drink. You know, but also like I'm young, so I'm going to, I'm going to do myself. The next couple of years. But if I'm still doing this, when I'm 30, you have permission to slap me on the face.

Gabi: 46:47

That's the one, listen. Life is about having fun too. You know, I still drink all the time. Yeah. Just a couple of weeks ago. I like really like partied up. Nice. Yeah. Um, Hmm. I kind of want to go back there. There are a few things I wanted to say about the college thing. And there were a few things I wanted to say about masculinity, femininity on dating. Just about the college thing real quick. Cause we brought it up and you know, it. There are so many amazing things that, that. You brought up earlier about knowing your value in the marketplace, knowing your value in dating. And I think like, how do you quantify someone's value? Listen, everyone is infinitely valuable, but like, there is a certain, like what you can reasonably expect to get compensated in the marketplace. Well, you can reasonably expect to get compensated or reasonably expect in a spouse. Um, but about college. The reason why I highly recommend anyone to go to college. Literally, if, especially, if you don't know what you want to do. Is just because first of all, socially, You can meet a lot of people. You can meet a lot of fronts, really important, and you make connections and you can make a lot of business connections to. Yeah. If you network, so people honestly, right? Yeah. My number one advice is network. I don't care what your face. College it's the networks. No, but the thing is it's all the college, because like you said, you got the sales job only because you had a college degree. Correct. My first job while I was in grad school, the only reason I got that job, I was working as a teacher and like for title one for the government, whatever, they only would hire people with bachelor's degrees. And I was getting$50 for 40 minutes, you know, that's. A lot of money. I was 22 at the time, whatever. From 22 to 23, I was really good money baller. For the time being like that's sick and I would only do a part-time. And that funded my car. That funded. Um, being able to do my internship and living throughout my college, like it's supportive. Literally supportive. Yeah. Um, Because we're not sugar babies. Right? Exactly. Yeah. And I only would have been able to get that. Because I was only able to get that because I went to college. You know what I mean? Okay.

Ayellet: 48:41

Yeah. Two success stories right here. Right,

Gabi: 48:43

right, right. And then aside for that college is a stepping stone. Like you said, a bachelor's degree really doesn't do anything for you, but once you have it, You can have it. Exactly. You could go for your masters. And not only that, a lot of jobs like accounting, computer programming. I don't know a bunch of other jobs. I'm sure you only need a bachelor's. Yeah. Yeah.

Ayellet: 49:01

As well, then you need to pursue those bachelor's degree.

Gabi: 49:04

Yeah. I mean, I guess the best thing that I would say is be more mindful about it. Like I wish if I went back in time right now. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it is, it is. But if I went back in time, I got my bachelor's. Um, from a Yeshiva. So I was learning literally from 7:30 AM to 10 30 at night. Tom it all day. Yeah, it was crazy. It was

Ayellet: 49:24

like, when were you studying like your secular stuff?

Gabi: 49:28

So I was doing that on the side. Oh, you're kidding. Yeah, literally, literally I was doing that on the side. Um, so literally for four years I was a busy morning to night just studying Talmud, like religiously and Yeshiva and clubs call I'm actually. That's crazy. It was pretty crazy. Did you enjoy it? I honestly, I did at the time in my life, I was very passionate about it. And I really was like, Feeling like this is very strongly the right thing to do. Yeah. And. It's so funny on another podcast. I was saying that I look back at that time. With confusion. And I'm like, why did, why was I so convinced that this very extreme way of living this very like Yeshiva version of living, where like, all you have to do with your life is learn Torah 24 7. That's a lot. Yeah. What was I so convinced it's the right thing to do because now I don't think it's the right thing to do. I don't think God. Oh, you. You work

Ayellet: 50:14

out at that time? I did work out at the time. Yeah. Okay. So at least you were like moving in in some shape

Gabi: 50:19

way or form. But I thought back at it and I was like, why was I so convinced? Then I realized the answer. I remembered it. It was because of like the experience that I had. I experienced the sense of like, this is true. This is the right thing to do. I, I, I believe in this. Yeah. But it was beyond that. It wasn't really the way I was raised. It was the way that I chose to live at that time.

Ayellet: 50:38

But also you were validated because your brother was doing the same

Gabi: 50:41

thing. That's true too. Yeah, that's true too. You know, I had my brother there, but. Um, and friends there, a lot of really good friends.

Ayellet: 50:48

So that was your social circle. Breaking out of it would have been really scary. It would have been

Gabi: 50:52

really scary. Yeah. It would have been really scary. That's true. That's why

Ayellet: 50:55

we don't do things. Um, don't do things. The fear of leaving is. Scarier than the status quo. Then the everyday you might not be the most happy, but it's all that, you know, and if you were to make a different decision, like right now, The reason I've stayed at my job for so long is because the consistency. Is. Such a nice change. Like lit growing up in the household that I did. And like never. I don't want to get into household trauma. And I'm like, oh, he's being anxious. And like having that calm and also on top of the calm, having. Financial stability and financial freedom. And it's just, I'm like reveling in it. I'm like, I can't believe this is my reality. That the first night I slept in my own room, I couldn't sleep. I was like, How the fuck did I even make it this far? I thought I would be dead by now. Well, I literally did. I didn't cause I was a very miserable teenager. I didn't think I would, you know, make it to 22. I wasn't like suicidal or anything, but I was just like really not happy. I was like, right. I didn't. Yeah, I wasn't very happy anyway, so.

Gabi: 52:15

How did you get out of that?

Ayellet: 52:16

I moved out of my mom's house.

Gabi: 52:19

So when you're having your own space, your own independence, like gave

Ayellet: 52:22

you. Yeah. And even when we first moved out, we were on unemployment. It was like mid COVID.

Gabi: 52:28

I remember when the government was just giving them money like that. My God,

Ayellet: 52:30

it saved our ass. That's it right? Because me and my sister were both entering our junior year of college and we were both pre-med. And so we were both doing physics one and orgo one and orgo two and physics two in our junior year. And that shit is brutal, bro brutal. And so we didn't even have the time to work. I didn't have the time to work. I was studying all day every day. So I'm really glad that like literally came in clutch, like Misha my. I am from God, whatever, like the stars aligned and. I say I am, which is from God, from the sky. All the time. I am always acknowledging God. And that's never something that I thought I would be, I never thought I would. I was like, yeah. Okay. God, get the fuck out. You know, like, What are you saying? You like you do. So religious, what's wrong with you?

Gabi: 53:18

Like. Now you're able to appreciate,

Ayellet: 53:21

but now. I don't know if it's God, I don't know if it's the universe. I don't know if it's manifestation at its finest. But I always say Mr. Maya. All right. And that's the bottom

Gabi: 53:33

line. No. That's beautiful. Yeah, that really is. I want to get into this more. Okay. Um, But I just want to lock in though. Yeah, go to college because it's a stepping

Ayellet: 53:46

stool. Okay. No fair. Also, if you're 17 and you don't know what the fuck you want to do, maybe it's a good idea. But if you have an idea, like if you want to be. I don't know. Oh my God, I would've loved to be an ice skating coach. That was something that. That would, the first thing that I did when I graduated was immediately go skate. I would skate every week, all the time because I craved it. I yearned for it. And I, I got really good. I got a coach and I was like getting really good and we should go skating one day. But, um, I was thinking very seriously, like, should I be a coach? Hmm. I could potentially do this practice in oh. Um, but I realized I was like, I'm so far away from good enough. Interesting. So far away. Cause they started skating at 17. People started skating as kids. And I was just like, I just, I don't know. I didn't. And that. Oh, my God, that leads me into my next thing, which is. If you only believe you will succeed. That's the only option. Like if you believe you could fail in this, you're going to fail. You have to, you have to be the Lulu enough. To think you're going to make it, and then you will

Gabi: 55:00

make it. It's honestly, one of the risks. It's true. Yeah. It's one of the recipes of success. Yeah. Really have to believe that you can make it.

Ayellet: 55:08

Yeah. Yeah. It's literally an, an it's so easy to say, oh, just believe in yourself, but like the little train who can do you remember that he was going up the hill and he was like, I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. And then he made it up the damn

Gabi: 55:21

hill. That's beautiful. Yeah, it almost put me to tears. Yes, no. Shut up. There is no. But actually, if I could go back to college, Well, I wish I would do though. Yeah. I wish I would take like music, clauses, piano. Yeah. Yeah,

Ayellet: 55:36

right. My sister, she, she did yoga and she did ballet. Yeah, it's hotter. And she had a full ass. I was so jealous. I was like, damn, I'm sitting here and Touro and my fucking bio lab, like.

Gabi: 55:49

No. One of my dreams though, actually is that if I can make money through this and YouTube, let's say I would, I would go back to college and get a degree in screenwriting. Ooh.

Ayellet: 55:58

Yeah. Big. Ooh. Wow. Why screenwriting? I don't know. I just always

Gabi: 56:01

wanted to write a sitcom. Yeah,

Ayellet: 56:05

you are living.

Gabi: 56:08

That's exactly that. That's exactly what I say. That it is. So you grew up with your mom. Oh, my gosh material that we. So much material. Yeah.

Ayellet: 56:17

Gabi spawn was quite the character. For sure.

Gabi: 56:21

Yeah. But. Let's hear from you though a little bit about, um, You at a certain point in your life? Shame, let's say unhappy. I'm fulfilled and in many ways, You've helped yourself from that point. And I think there are a lot of people maybe listening to this that have been through similar experiences that are going through similar experiences. You know, w w. What can you say to them, or what can you talk about within your own experience? That really helped you to find more peace in your life.

Ayellet: 57:00

Meaning like specific pieces of advice that people gave me.

Gabi: 57:04

Other that, or just from your own experience, like what have you done that you can maybe share with others? Like, Hey, if you're feeling, uh, lost. I don't know what you might say,

Ayellet: 57:14

but, so I said, When, when I was in this situation, when I was. Like living it, experiencing it. I knew it would end eventually I knew I would get to move out. Eventually. I knew there was an end there, a light at the end of the tunnel, if you will. Right. And I was just biding my time to get out. I honestly wanted to. I was, I thought multiple times I was like, should I just emancipate myself? Can I even do that? I just want to get out of here. And I'm making my household town really bad. It wasn't very bad, but I was just done. I was just saying, I was like, I feel like I'm an adult. I can handle, I can handle the world. I'm fine. And I felt that at like 16, maybe even 15, honestly, maybe even younger. Because, like I said, I grew up. I think when, when my parents got divorced, Me and my sister took on a lot more responsibility than we did. Previous to that. And we just grew up really quickly. You guys had

Gabi: 58:11

to, well,

Ayellet: 58:12

we, we grew up fast period and very mature and very much capable of like doing. A lot. Um, but I think when the divorce hit, we were just like, okay, we have to, we have to step up a little. Yeah. And I think that's like, Where the. The sadness maybe came from, from like, Experiencing that change. And as a teenager and I. I know I was going to say, I feel like that's when you need your parents to be there for you the most, because that's when you are doing the craziest shit. And you need your parents to be like, Hey, do you want to talk? Like, is everything okay? You know? Yeah. Thank do you need my support in any way? And that that conversation never happened because that wasn't really an option. I feel like it was so weird. I felt like I was an eight year old adult. Like I had to do all the adult stuff, but I had the limitations of an eight year old. Um, so like what I could do, it's such a weird place to be. I think it was especially weird once I wasn't in college and I still had a curfew, my mom would call me at 10:00 PM and she was like, where the fuck are you? And I was like, oh my God. I used to have so much anxiety. When I lived at home, like whenever I would get a phone call or a text cause. I did stuff I wasn't supposed to do. I had a boyfriend who I wasn't supposed to have for a year. And so every time I was with him, I would have anxiety because if my mom FaceTimes me while I'm with him, I'm in big, fat trouble. Like who, what, what am I going to tell her? Who am I with? You know, Um, And so like, my anxiety was always really, really high for like that first year, while we were together. And I lived at my mom's house really.

Gabi: 59:56

Okay. So I just kinda want to ring you back a little bit then. It sounds like you had a lot of time to where you were overwhelmed and dealing with a lot, like, have you found ways to deal with that stress or

Ayellet: 1:00:05

honestly just getting away from it. That was the best thing. Like just moving out and living in my own space. And. Also, honestly, having a partner, Mikey. My, my boyfriend at the time was really supportive. And I was able to lean on him when I

Gabi: 1:00:22

saw. Yeah. Honestly, this is something that I want to discuss with one of my single friends. We're starting a podcast. And, um, I'm really excited about it. Another one. Yeah. It's called'em. Whatever. He's he's my friend. I've had him on my podcast before his name's Aryn

Ayellet: 1:00:37

Steinberg. Oh yeah. I listened to

Gabi: 1:00:38

that one. Okay. Cool. So he has his own podcast called the always no-one's podcast. It's like a monologue and he's just talking. You know, to the mic. So we're starting a podcast together where we're going to do like half an hour to 45 minutes of like a mental health or self help topic, just going in depth into one topic. Yeah,

Ayellet: 1:00:57

I think it's going to be, you're educated in that too. Right? That's your expertise.

Gabi: 1:01:01

Exactly. Exactly. I think it's going to be great, but, um, I'm excited. Yeah. I'm excited too, but basically One of the things that I mentioned him that we should do a podcast on is this idea of like single life versus married life, or they're like committed relationship life. And it's such a different experience to be in a committed relationship with someone. It's like, literally, like, I can't tell you why before. Let's say I met my wife. I would just like feel lonely and depressed. Sometimes. I never ever feel depressed now. Like since I got mad and honestly we're only married for like whatever, eight months, whatever it's been. Um, You know, it's not like it, there still obviously could be times where I feel really down. But I don't see it happening. I just always have someone to like regulate with, to like, to hug, to hold, to feel connected, to, you know, to, to lean all my stuff on. And they have me to, to lean their stuff on. So it's like, it's just companionship. Right? Right. It's so

Ayellet: 1:01:54

important. It's because we're human we're social creatures. Like I was so much in a funk this morning and went out to the gym. I spoke to my gym friends and I came home fucking rejuvenated. I was like so much more. Like a functional at work for like two hours. It only lasts for a couple. What was that? I don't know, it only lasts for a couple of hours. Wow. A vantage of it. I was like, I need to work as fast as I can. I serve my, what is it called when you're the happy hormone? Oh, dopamine. When, when my dopamine is still up from, cause I wasn't feeling the workout either. I was having like a very slow foggy day today. And I was like in the middle of fricking Kip Thrace and I was like, Nah. Go do the quiet. What extensions. Yeah. I was like, I need something low effort. Right.

Gabi: 1:02:45

Yeah.

Ayellet: 1:02:47

Yeah. I was like, let me go do that. Cause that's the only thing I can wrap my. I think that's also something we should talk about a topic of like, Giving yourself, grace at the gym, every workout. Like you don't have to force yourself through a workout just because it's on your schedule or, you know, Uh, your program, whatever you're doing, you don't have to force yourself through a movement that isn't serving you at the top.

Gabi: 1:03:09

Absolutely. Absolutely. Obviously

Ayellet: 1:03:11

take it with a grain of salt, because if you're not doing it every time, if you're like, oh, I don't feel like it every single time. That's a problem.

Gabi: 1:03:18

A hundred percent. But I'll tell you this applies to everything. Literally, everything. And this is the best workout advice I've ever gotten. And it's so valuable. Literally I'm telling you is the best word. I was giving like another pause and preface. Do 70%, most of the time. Yes, I do 70%. It's so essential because it's like, You end up, if you end up doing a hundred percent, 110% at the gym, every single fricking day. You're going to burn yourself out. Or you're going to get injured. It's just not a healthy mindset to have, because it's just not sustainable. To recover. Exactly. We get two weeks to recover. It's just not sustainable. Listen, if you have magical powers and you could literally put in a hundred percent every single day for five years. Yeah, go ahead. You know, but it's just not, it's not possible and it's not likely, and you probably can stain. Sustainable, you know, you're going to burn out, you're going to hurt yourself. It's not smart. And it applies to everything in life. Every single thing in life. Listen, there are going to be times where you need to put in a hundred, 10%. You have no choice to put, to put in a hundred, 10% and you have to. But most of the time, 70%. And if you're playing the long game, if you're consistent, Let's you'll. You'll be good. Cause that. That's enough to be getting a good workout that you actually like have grown from this. You will go from it. You let yourself heal. And it's actually you gain from it. So you get that sense of pride and accomplishment and go into the gym,

Ayellet: 1:04:49

teaches me things. And. Like in terms of like how I apply it to my life. Like my sister was like giving me some work advice and I was like, oh, like, how do I do this and this and this at the gym? And she was like, yeah, exactly. And I was like, holy shit. Like whoever thought that I would get valuable insight from the gym. It's so funny. It's so random. Yeah. And someone expected. Greatly appreciate it. A hundred

Gabi: 1:05:19

percent. Um, Let me quickly recap everything that we talked about. I want to get into closing, and I want to hear your message that you want to share with the world. And I want people to know where to find you. Um, first, I'm going to do a quick recap. We talked about, you know, college and navigating yourself in your twenties, understanding your worth and of like value in the marketplace and not letting yourself get taken advantage of for your jobs. Especially young. I remember my first job, both work and romance. Yeah. Literally my first job when I was like 19 and tutoring, I was charging like$6 an hour. Yeah, literally because I felt bad charging more. I literally was like, oh no, don't be afraid. You know, It's one of those things you really have to get over.

Ayellet: 1:05:58

Because people value. The money that they pay for value. They think they think it's more valuable when it's more expensive. Exactly. Yeah. So knowing your worth. Sure.

Gabi: 1:06:09

Yeah, exactly. A hundred percent. And it's beyond knowing your worth because I think many people will like think like, oh yeah, I know my worth at$6 an hour. So, yeah. Don't be afraid.

Ayellet: 1:06:20

Be fucking Dilu about that shit. You. Yeah. I'm the best fucking babysitter. I'm the best fucking makeup artist. I'm the best fucking sleeper, whatever the fuck it is. Yeah.

Gabi: 1:06:31

You're just the best. Exactly. And actually be the best. Don't just be a narcissist. Be the best.

Ayellet: 1:06:36

Lulu though. Okay. A little duo Lulu for it to get there. That's beautiful. I really like that. It won't be Dilulio. That's the goal. I love

Gabi: 1:06:45

that. Yeah. Take a teammate. It's beautiful. Um, We talked about getting over overwhelmed and dealing with stress and getting away from terrible, stressful situations, relationships. I don't know what didn't we talk about? Honestly. Right. Yeah. He talks about everything. Honestly though, I want to go so much more in depth with you on all these topics. Just touch the surface. Just touch the surface. I feel like I could, we could start a whole podcast together and have like a great, um, you know, I'm

Ayellet: 1:07:11

so happy to be a regular

Gabi: 1:07:13

guest. That'd be fun. Now we should definitely do this again. Absolutely. And I'm very excited to do this with you. I'll also my sister. Yeah. Both of you guys are such bad asses. Like, you know, we've lived a lot.

Ayellet: 1:07:24

Young 20 year old. Crazy. You've been

Gabi: 1:07:26

through a lot. So proud of you. I'm proud of her too. So, um,

Ayellet: 1:07:31

I feel so old, all of a sudden. He like a wise

Gabi: 1:07:34

old lady. Yeah, I'm in York and we didn't even touch on concentration. You also constant, greater.

Ayellet: 1:07:40

I've been a contact Cree. Uh, content. I have been a content creator. Yes. But I don't identify as one currently. Although I was really hoping that this would help be the catalyst to inspire me to begin again. You know

Gabi: 1:07:56

what I really want you guys to do. I've really, after I have your L I'm going to force you guys to do this. You guys have to start your own podcast. We

Ayellet: 1:08:03

would fucking, I want to do a YouTube channel with.

Gabi: 1:08:06

Yeah, fricking. YouTube channel you guys. Won't be so good. I like already see you guys would hit a hundred thousand subscribers before I do look, you guys would hit a million subscribers. Well, we're pretty girls.

Ayellet: 1:08:15

That's true. Yeah. Yeah, we just, we do better in the media

Gabi: 1:08:18

industry. Guys do you guys do. Listen, you know, I could be posting consistently every single week. And I feel like you guys would like once a year, like selfies. Like outrank quick. I don't think it's

Ayellet: 1:08:28

easy, but I do think the exponential growth happens quicker for

Gabi: 1:08:32

sure. But not just that you guys have the effector. Oh,

Ayellet: 1:08:35

yeah. Yeah. I've experienced growth before, right? Like. It's wild. It's wild. I remember, I think when I was in freshman year of college, I posted like eight, seven or eight videos and one of them went viral. It was my high school diploma video about how I skipped 12th grade and how to do it. And I was like, I'm going to make it a whole series when I was making the concept. And then I just like, never did it again. And I was not expecting that video to pop off, but I think it has like a hundred thousand views right now. So. Awesome. Yeah. That's crazy. Then I got like a couple mil views on Tik TOK when COVID happened. And so I've experienced moments of like, Uh, obviously I'm like the smallest of like, it's not like millions of views, but like for me, I little Jewish girl from Queens. Yeah. Viral in our community. People don't go viral in our community. You like, I think we're like anomalies in the real world. We're like weird. Like, why are you wearing a knee-length black skirt and covering your elbow's end and your collarbone? And. Why are you wearing that? Like we stand out, people wear pants nowadays. Hello, I'm wearing pants right now. Like girls don't wear skirts, especially in the winter, dead of winter with leggings. It's not to like, make fun of them, but it's not cute. Like I, as a fashion, girly. I could not approve. I couldn't, I couldn't do it as I hated doing it as a kid, I had no choice. But the second, there was a choice. I said, nah, No, thank you. Not for you anymore. Not for me. It was never for me, lover. I just was forced to. I see. Anyway, we're getting on a tangent. Yeah.

Gabi: 1:10:16

But where can people find you?

Ayellet: 1:10:19

They can find me at a yellow at Sassoon. Basically anywhere.

Gabi: 1:10:26

links to description. I know for you to do over Instagram. If you want

Ayellet: 1:10:29

to share that too. Maybe I'll post something.

Gabi: 1:10:33

Uh, yeah. And I'm looking forward to doing this again. Do you have closing thoughts, something that you would share? With something you want to share with the world, something you would yell from the rooftops. Putting on the spot right now. Why is this thing?

Ayellet: 1:10:46

I want to say. I just believe you can. Like. Don't believe what people tell you about yourself, create your own narrative about your own success in your own life. And that's really hard to do all by yourself. And I hope that whoever's listening to this. If this is something that. You're struggling with. I don't know, maybe go and go get that therapy we're talking about. Cause that's what therapy has helped me to. It's helped me process that. Um, and so believing in yourself, And. Challenging yourself as well. Hmm. Also having consistent healthy habits is a game changer because all we are hard. All we really are as humans is just. A big compilation of hap it's. So what are your habits? Because they make up who you are. And so you have to decide. What kind of habits you want to have?

Gabi: 1:11:37

Wow. That's beautiful. I'm so happy that. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, it's something to think about, honestly. Yeah. Um, you can put that in

Ayellet: 1:11:47

the beginning of the podcast. I should. But that summarizes our conversation pretty well.

Gabi: 1:11:52

Kinda goes. Yeah. I kind of does you got to believe in yourself? Um, And it was guys, thank you for tuning in. Thank you. I yell at for being you. Yeah, I can't wait to do this again. Unfortunately, I had to cut this short, but yeah.

Ayellet: 1:12:05

Let's do it. Let's do it tomorrow.

Gabi: 1:12:07

We literally, I feel so bad cause we, we had so many good juicy topics that I feel like, yeah, we kinda. Glossed over them. We kind of glossed over them and it would've been so fun to like go in depth with them. Yeah.

Ayellet: 1:12:17

I think we need to like create time boundaries for ourselves. Give ourselves, like, we're going to talk about college for like 15, 20. Uh, that's a good point. Stay on that topic to the next

Gabi: 1:12:27

topic. That's a good point. I should maybe have like my phone here or something, but have like a discreet. No meaning I'm saying like, Like, you know, And have it like on time or I'd be like, okay, I'm talking about this 15 minutes.

Ayellet: 1:12:40

Maybe like when we made this, we should've made, we should've made topics and bullet points.

Gabi: 1:12:44

Right. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah. All right. I don't want to bother you with this. But thank you for doing it. Yes. Uh, to the rebellion guys, you are capable. Think for yourself, stay curious under the rail and otherwise love you. Be a bad bit.