Finding Your Voice: Sarah Borukhov Talks Slatki Stol and Femininity in the Bukharian Community

Get ready for this captivating episode of The GKP, featuring the incredibly talented Sarah Borukhov, creator and Director of Slatki Stol. The conversation unfolds into a rich exploration of evolving perceptions surrounding masculinity and femininity. Sarah shares her personal experiences, offering a unique perspective on societal expectations and the challenges she has faced.

Delving deeper, we explore issues within the Bukharian community that Sarah fearlessly addresses in her work. Unfiltered and honest, Sarah opens up about the backlash she encounters and the resilience it fuels in her creative process. The discussion extends to Sarah's journey through her twenties, her profound love for music, and the exciting projects she has in the pipeline, shedding light on the immigrant experience and community innovators.

In a candid exchange, the conversation touches on poignant subjects such as childhood trauma, the transformative power of positive self-talk, and shared perspectives on concepts like 'divine femininity' and 'break-up culture.' Join us as we navigate the complex intersections of identity, creativity, and societal expectations, leaving listeners with insights to ponder and inspiration to glean from Sarah's remarkable journey.

You are capable, think for yourself, stay curious, spread positivity, and to the rebellion!

Sarah's Socials
Youtube -  @visualsbysarah
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahborukhov/?hl=en#
Bukh. Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/bukh.official/?hl=en#

Gabi's Youtube channel! -   @gabikoyenov
Disruptive  @DisruptiveWithGandA
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/gabikoyenov/?hl=en#

Psychology Today - Free Consultation - https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/1240873

Transcript

0:29

Hello friends. Welcome to an incredible episode of the Gabi kind of podcast. And this episode, I had the incredible honor to sit down with the awesome Sarah borrow have. Sarah is a very talented singer songwriter artists. She's a young book RN and she's the director of slocky stall. She is also a videographer and photographer and she kindly brought in her equipment today and even edited my episode. So I'm so grateful to you, Sarah. Thank you. in this episode, we talked about a lot of controversial issues within the Korean community. And we talked about Sarah's idea forest Lockie Stoll and what it is and all the backlash she faced. Uh, if you don't know what slocky still is, I highly recommend you check it out. We talk about it in this episode, obviously. in addition, We talk about gratitude, manifestation, masculinity, and femininity, and just the beat was great. It left me wanting more. I felt that every part of this episode was just entertaining and thought provoking and insightful. So it's a great episode and enjoy it, please. If you want to contact Sarah, hire her for an event, which I highly recommend you do because she's so fun and personable. her links will be in the description. So please check them out and send her some love, in additional in a D. In addition, please send your love on this episode and share it with people and, uh, yeah. Let me know your thoughts. I'm curious to know. aside for that, I've actually started my own private practice. in marriage and family therapy and professional clinical counseling. My link, uh, for the psychology today, page will be in the description for the past five years. I've been helping preteens to young adults get through literally. Uh, some of the most difficult challenges of their life. I'm fortunate to have such a beautiful job and I'm taking it to this private practice to expand who I can service. So if you know anyone that can benefit. You know, definitely send them my psychology today page and I offer a free consultation as well as accept many insurances and I have flexible rates. I can help people and I'm excited to do so. And at the same time, that makes it a little bit more difficult for me to, uh, keep the podcast on pace on the YouTube channel on pace. But hopefully once things settle down a little bit, I could get back on a good, positive role where I'm putting stuff out consistently. And it was guys, please enjoy this episode. And like I said, let me know what you think. Send some love. Take care. tell me about yourself. So, I'm 24, I'm a singer songwriter, videographer, photographer, editor, and a Baharian artist. That's it. I love that. Anyway, Sarah, so, tell me about Slocky Stole. That's something that I feel like, I've been talking to my friends about it, and I love hearing what they have to say. And when I first found out about it, my wife told me about it, and I was just mesmerized. Like you get random Bukharians to sit, to sit down and talk about all sorts of issues and it gets controversial and heated at times. And I just love that you don't shy away from any of it. So I want to hear, like, what's, what's your take on it? What was your idea for it? So, honestly, I created Slutky Soul after I was super bored on one Shabbat. And I watch a lot of challenging questions online, on YouTube, about other topics. And I thought that since the Baharian community sometimes likes to sweep them under the rug, it would be amazing to bring those questions to light, or those difficulties that we may have and we're experiencing. How is the public Baharian community feeling about these topics and can we create conversations that will Make living in this community like a better place. I love our community I think we're so rare and we deserve something like this and especially for the outcast Baharians who I'm really talking to This is, this is for them, because they may feel, they feel a certain way that they are not allowed to tell their friends or family because they will be judged. And I want them to know that there are Baharians out there that are feeling a certain type of way and they want to express it. And it's also supposed to give Baharian people a voice and recognition in the community. And not just like the ones that we know of already, but like every single one of us, so that there's a voice. And they know how we operate and what we're thinking. Because I'm a very outcast Baharian. Because I grew up in Long Island. And I've always wanted that community and I never had it. Because I wasn't living in Queens. So I want to make sure that those that are outcasts know where they're coming from. And creating a platform where there's a voice for them. Making us feel special in a certain way, because this makes me feel like special. Sir, you are special. And also, it's genius. I love the whole idea. And besides for that, I really want to applaud you for having that idea and then actually taking action. Thanks. With such a high quality production. I do have to thank Leon, Leoni Bergemov, Lionheart Pro, actually. He wants to have it be produced in a very high quality. And I do have to Um, and I just wanted to mention him and all of his help and I do want to thank everyone who houses it because I do ask them, you know, for their space and I know people are loving it. So keep it going, doing a great job. Thank you. So bringing the behind community together and having that voice for outcast sounds like it's a really important thing for you to be able to do. Yeah. And I just, I love when And like, this is something that you saw as needed and you just went for it and did it. And yeah, you got the help and having help is incredible, but like, it's, it's so awesome. I just, uh, I'm, I'm impressed, honestly. I feel like it's so easy to want something and then not go for it and not make it happen. There's a lot of things I don't do though, that are in our head, you know, I just, the thing for me, I really want to like speak to at least every, like my, one of my goals is to meet. As many people of the community as I possibly can. Interesting. I don't know what that is. I think it's childhood trauma, honestly. Because I was around none of the Baharians and now I want to meet all of them. And I want to know like what they're thinking and how they act and how they operate. Because there is like a way that we think they all act. And then there's another way where we're like, we're assimilated into the American culture, you know. So we're not going to think so much the same things we thought back in the country. Right, right, right. Yeah. So. Yeah, I understand that. You know, I, I also feel like you do do a good job at getting these random Bukharians, like on your last episode, you had that dude with like the tattoos. I didn't even know there were like Bukharians tatted up like that, you know? Apparently he's my second cousin. Really? And I didn't know. That's so funny. And now I know. Okay. He was great. Yeah. And you know, because I work weddings, I feel like that also, Gives me an opportunity to meet as many people, cause like, where are really the bulk of them at? They're at the weddings, and I just wish I could talk to all of them, you know, but I can't cause I'm working, and it would be weird to just come up to someone and talk to them, but but like I, I've meant a lot from my work, my job, and especially the Moishapod, and I want to introduce the Moishapod to this because I was able to get that community, that sense of belonging from the Moishapod. What is that? Dinners. Okay. So they host Shabbat dinners, and it's in Queens, and it's run by David Aronoff currently, and he brings together basically 15 16 people on a Shabbat, and you get to meet them, and I met my best friends. Really? Best friends from the Shabbats and I've filmed a lot of weddings from the Shabbats that people met at the Shabbats and got married. I don't know if you ever watched the setup with Benjamin Obdurov and Michelle Shimonov. I don't think so, no. It was a true story on how they met on the Moishapod, at the Moishapod and that's so beautiful like coming together to see that and celebrate Shabbat together and so I know a lot of people from there. And that's how I know, um, that's how I know to like call the people and hit them up about the show because normally I thought nobody would want to be on this because it's not easy to say your views to such a wide audience and especially, you know, judgmental audience. I mean, I want to get into the judgmental aspect and like what backlash you've been facing, but before I do, I just want to ask you, do you have any specific issues Bukhari community, certain? You know, I know you mentioned, like, very often it's judgmental, you know, if you're outcast, people don't necessarily feel you as part of the community. Um, you know, you wanted to give a voice to those people, and those are all beautiful things. Like, are there specific issues you want to talk about, or, um, just go for it in general? I do want to hit the topics that are hurting the community, maybe addiction, or being cast out because maybe you decided to marry a non Baharian. or non Jew and you're being cast out, you're still a Jew. You're still a Baharian and you still deserve to be represented in the community. I was at the Banya the other day and there was a group of four Baharians like sitting there and I knew they were Baharian. So I asked them, I said, Have you watched Slatki Stol? And they said, yeah. They're like, oh man. And they opened it like, it's terrible and it doesn't represent us and they don't get the right people for it and they're not experienced. We want to hear from, you know. older people. And you know, I'm like, yeah, tell me more. Tell me more because it's good to take constructive criticism. And I, and I appreciated that they told me that, but they did mention that it doesn't represent us. And I was thinking like, well, then what represents us if it's not our own people? You know, you just, you choose not to represent them as, as them being Baharians. So I want to make sure that we're all accepted. And this may not be an easy thing to accept. And I understand that. And you don't have to. But it does open the stage to thinking about it and letting it happen. So, yeah, so I really want to tackle like the non acceptance, the judgment, the, the casting out of people, the disowning of people because they don't fit your standard and what you want out of them. That's fascinating. But I also do have to say, I feel like these people maybe feel that way a little bit because you haven't had enough of them yet. You know, like, I think everyone is coming and representing themselves and having a good conversation and you have enough of those and you have a pretty good understanding of where the community is and like what people actually believe. So it's like, it's a little new. So I think with more time, people are going to say this is the best thing for the Baccarin community ever. Like, I really think like Out of the people that are actually doing something positive for the Baharian community, like, this is very high up there. Really? Because I hear so much opposite. It's crazy to me that people say opposite. Yeah, the whole goal is to get as many Baharians on there as possible. I want everybody to be on it and have their voice heard. So that It does represent us. Even the ones that you don't think represent, you know, Baharians, they're Baharian. Like who, who thought Charles was Baharian? I mean, look at him with the tattoos and like he just doesn't even look it. Right. I would not Baharian. Exactly. But he is. And there's Baharians out there like in different states that are like super assimilated into Russian culture and not Baharian culture. We don't even know about them. I want them to be on it. I want all of them to be on it. And I, and eventually I do want to extend it to, The Jewish community. I've had Dominican Jews hit me up. I've met Australian Jews. We're such a tight knit community. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, you do an amazing job with content for us. Honestly, it's uh, you too. It's probably my favorite thing on the internet right now. Stop! I'm not even saying that to flatter you. No way! I'm serious. I'm serious. Oh my gosh. Well, I hope I get, I hope I get everybody on it. For sure. I just love what you're doing. You're giving people the freedom and the ability to talk and share their experience. And through bringing the awareness of people from the outcasts talking about really maybe like talking about mental health, for example, or like. You know, talking about addiction within the community or something like that, you know, bringing that awareness to the community will help change it, you know, and that, that is what actually will help, you know, and I love, I don't want to get misquoted here, but like, you know, a lot of Bukharians have turned to religion in a way that for many of them, it's great. And I think religion is fantastic thing, but for many people, it's an unhealthy escape. To, um, they just like drown in it and they lose their identity in it. And it's a way to like avoid some of the judgmental aspects, some of the more painful aspects. And, you know, maybe to give them meaning, which, which is very necessary. But I feel like what you're doing is like you're addressing a lot of those root causes. Not to say that people are going to come not religious because of this. But it's like, it's just a way to give people meaning and give people connection. And give people like, hey, let's address the traumas and the issues that are actually happening within the community. And address it respectfully, with no judgment, like I don't know if anybody knows, but after every single episode everybody shakes each other's hand, they all clap, they're all happy, because Drink together. Yeah, they drink together, because we have this mutual understanding where we do want to reach a middle ground with each other. Right. And I'm not trying to push anybody away from religion, I know that the second episode got a lot of heat. That's not, that is not what, like, I bring three Orthodox and three secular. I bring three men and three women to show each side of the spectrum to show that there's difference. And, um, there's a lot of, you know, people saying it's not balanced, but, like, that was just the second episode. And these were the people I know. Imagine, like, calling a random rabbi up and being like, Hey, could you be on this show that nobody's really seen yet and you don't even know what it's about? And, you know, a lot of them say no. And a lot of rabbis told me that they're not willing to debate. about Judaism. Which is fine, that's their own volition and I'm okay with that and we have to be understanding. So I'm not trying to push people away from religion, and I'm not trying to get them closer to religion. I'm a very non biased person and I'm also very in the center. So, it's not even to be educational and I'm not trying to sway people, I'm just trying to show them that there is and decide that they exist and it's entertainment purposes and to know that they have a, you know, whatever their point is, whatever their point is. If you, for example, want to stay a virgin till marriage, you will see why that would be the case on the orthodox side, which is beautiful. And I thought they explained it very well. And you will see why on the non orthodox side, why they wouldn't stay. And I feel like a lot of people took it as like, you're poisoning the youth, you're telling them, you know, showing them it's okay to do this stuff. It's out there, you know? Yeah. Why are we gonna avoid it? I think it's better not to blindly follow your faith and to know what's the beauty of my faith and why should I stay a virgin, for example. There's like beauty to that. Right. So, I'm not trying to sway anyone, I'm not trying to be educational here, it's just like an open conversation and it's not supposed to offend anybody, it's like, literally, just to know what people are thinking, so, yeah. That is literally the beauty of what you do, and I have a message for people also that think you're trying to sway people, like, You're just, she's not, you know, it's just a way to get people, yeah, it's a way to get people to sit together and have a conversation and open an honest dialogue, and if, I don't think there's a single person that watched it that was like, oh, I'm gonna become not religious now, or I'm gonna become religious now, based on what, based on that video, it was just a way to get people to understand each other, and literally understanding cannot hurt, you know, yeah, it, it can only help. Right. We need to become closer together, especially in the Jewish community, especially in the Baharian community. Right. I would say that. For sure. Anyway, so you mentioned actually that you want to talk about addiction in the community, and this is, you know, it's a tough topic, honestly. I know, um, I had a friend that I grew up with, um, you know, we weren't, like, super close, but, uh, he had my same birthday, and, like, when I was 21, I, like, he passed away from an overdose, you know? Yeah, it was really sad and it was really hard to like understand and it's a, unfortunately, a very, I dunno how common it is, but it's, it's common, like a lot of requiring kids are, are, you know, going on substances and everything. I always thought if I became super like wealthy where I could like do something on my own with like podcasting, like this would be a rabbit hole. I'd go down, I would, I would wanna find out like what's going on with Hawaiian community, that there are so many kids like falling for drugs and, and using it. And it's, it's unfortunate and I will just say that. You know, people think that drugs are the problem and it's true. Drugs are obviously a problem, but drugs for the addicts is a solution. You know, they're using the drugs because they're either in pain or they're just needing whatever that drugs give them. It's literally their solution. It's their, it's their medicine in many ways, and if you listen to the songs that accompany, um, you know, like Juice WRLD or whatever that, you know, these kids like relate to, like, that's what he talks about. You know, it's the medicine for them. So, the real question is, and this is why your work is so beautiful, is like, why are these kids in so much pain? Why do these kids need these, need this medicine? And, um, we're only gonna know if we have these open and honest conversations. That's so true, that's so true. And people get addicted to more than just drugs. An escape, social media is an escape. Even like being addicted to a person. That's an escape. And I do believe that people from such a strict household I feel like and I don't know if this is the case but they do turn to addiction. And I hope that if we were to open the conversation and to make people more open minded About the struggles they may be going through or the types of people they are then they won't need To have that addiction, you know, and there's more people that love them It's difficult to talk about and I don't even want to like talk about it because I'm not personally struggling with a drug addiction So I wouldn't know but I I do feel like it comes from not being understood or there's something missing And like, I don't know, I want to be that thing that they're missing, honestly, like I need to be that connection because I always wanted a connection with Baharian people, or just in general, you know? Awesome, you're doing a good job. Oh, thank you. I will say this about religion though, I love religion, honestly, um, when I was in yeshiva, uh, I was in yeshiva for a very long time, after high school, and I would see this a lot, I would see this kid that would just, Get into it super deep, you know, like like religion. Yeah, just get into religion and fall into it You know usually from some type of lecture And and it's usually these very like all or nothing type of lectures that it's like, yeah, you don't keep shabbat Do you know you're gonna burn and get him, you know that kind of vibe? hmm, and you see this kid fall into it like so headfirst and It's really sad because it doesn't last usually and it's, it's clearly something else is going on, you know, why are they, they running into it? So, I don't know, listen, religion is beautiful, but I think like you said, people shouldn't be doing it out of fear. People really should be doing it because like what is, what really makes my religion beautiful? What, what do I value? What do I connect with and like get into those deeper roots? And, um, yeah. Yeah. So I feel like I just wanted to like reflect on what you were saying. I want to talk about also the backlash, like tell me a little bit more about this, like, it sounds like you like constructive criticism, so that's at least good, but I will tell you also. Um, where, if you want to first tell me, so I've been talking to my friends about it. I go around to, I work out at Landers and, um, yeah, I go to the gym and I talk to my workout friends and I'm like, what do you think about it? And it's, it's a lot of controversy. You know, some people are like, Oh, I hate it. Other people are like, I love it. It's the most amazing thing ever. Like literally like it's, it's really polarizing and that honestly, no, but that's how, you know, what you're doing is like successful. Like it's, it's really polarizing people like really have a strong reaction to it. For good or for bad and you know what they say also hate is just the other side of love, you know, yeah Yeah, it's the the opposite side of the same. What are your friends that hate it what they say? So they think like it's not religious enough or you know, it should be more professional But you know, I like I tell them I tell them It's, it's not about getting professionals, it's about getting Hawaiian people to talk and have a conversation, like, yeah, like, you get on it and, and say your piece if you think it's, it, like, somebody's saying something wrong, you know? Say your piece, nobody's gonna stop you. Right, right, right. It's not supposed to please everyone. Like, honestly, the, the religious community, they're not gonna like it because I don't think, and this is my opinion, I'm not sure if this is the truth, don't quote me, but I don't think they want, they want to hear. stuff like this. They don't, I don't, I don't know. It's just my opinion. I'll tell you, I, I hear you there and that is to me very unfortunate, but my brother, he's like a Koel guy, you know, he's starting to be a rabbi in Chav Tz'chayim and he, yeah, he likes it. Listen, you know, he says things that he disagrees with, like he says there are things obviously I disagree with on it, but he likes the show. He likes the concept, the idea, getting people together to have this conversation, you know? Fire. Yeah, absolutely. You should get him on. No, I will. Absolutely. I mean, look, the backlash. Thank God I've been well trained to deal with backlash. There's, like, differences for me. If it's constructive criticism, I'll take it. If it's just flat out hate, I choose not to live in a prison where what they say affect my emotions. That's a prison, so like, if they say something hateful, just leave a comment on my YouTube so that I can go on the algorithm, because like, even if you hate it, just like leave a comment, and I'll, and I'll look, and even if it's blatant hate, I'll still appreciate the comment, because if you comment, you could leave me on that algorithm, you know what I mean? No, it's good. And also, I'm from experience, like, I, Was a hater. I was a jealous person. I was insecure. I know these things come from insecurity and low self worth and I'm not saying I'm perfect right now. But I know that it stems from somewhere, some place from low self worth, and I just pray for those people if they just leave like, like hate comments that like, aren't constructive, you know? But I know if you're a hater, and you're still Baharian, and you're Jewish, and you're a person, I love you, and I want you to come on here, and I really want to know you and get to know you and why you don't like it. I want to hear from them. Every one of us is so special, not just Baharian Jews, not just Jews in general. Like, for me, it's like everyone is very special to me and I want to get to know, even like when I'm driving, I, I grew from the road rage. Now I just smile at people because it makes them so like confused and it's just like, why not be a good person? You know what I mean? It just, it also confuses them, like kill them with kindness. You know what I mean? So yeah, it's like, even if you hate it, I want to know why. And I want to hear from you and you're important. And you represent this community as well, and you should be recognized. I love that. 100 percent That's like, that's like part of democracy, like you allow things that, you know. Yeah, I like, there was a comment, um, people get mad when, you know, sometimes people say like, Oh, if you have nothing good to say, don't say it at all. I like, I get where they're coming from, but if I have a voice and I want to say something, you also have a voice to say something in the way that we have a freedom of speech and we're allowed an opinion. If I don't agree with something, I assume that you would give me the beauty of having an opinion and I will give you the same thing and that extends both ways. Like I'm not a hypocrite. At least I don't think I am. I don't know. You never know. Yeah. Maybe I said something. Who knows? But anyway. That's it. You know what they say, hypocrites are just, uh, people. In progress, you know, yes people in progress. We don't need to work on ourselves Yeah, we all do and that's beautiful that you recognize it. I want to hear more about you and your story. So like you I love how you saw that you had this, like, I have a desire to connect and you went out and you created it, but tell me about that. Was it like tough growing up in five towns by yourself? Honestly, this is all I could talk about all day long. I really appreciate my mom for moving us out there. I'm not going to lie. We moved there in 2002. I lived in Long Island my entire life. Before that, I was on Stovos Moi. I was a P. I was a Trish Luda girlie in her kindergarten. I don't know if you know her. Uh, PS 220. Okay. Yeah, you know. But no, I did move away. I did go to public school my entire life. I grew up around those that didn't know like, you know, a pluff and boxes and they don't know about like the, the golden robe that we wear at the weddings and. Coming from such a, like a rich community, you, you kind of crave that as a kid, you want to talk to somebody about these types of things. You want to speak Russian to them and have jokes with them. I never had that, but I was, I was with, you know, Americans and in a, in a, in a way I became very American, which I, I also I'm thankful for because you know, it's good. It's good. It's good. But it was very difficult for me. I was always craving community. I was always craving to be with like, Not even a Jewish person, like just a Baharian person, in a friendly way. And um, all the friends that I had, like, I don't even think I was friends with many Jews either. So I knew that when I went to college, I also went to college, like, deep Long Island, where it gets even more American. And then, I went to Toro College, and that was like my first taste of being around Baharians. Toro and like, Queens? Yeah. Queens, Forest Hills, and the city. For my bio degree, which is completely different than my first degree. But I would tell people like, Oh man, I want a Baharian friend so bad. I want to be in the Baharian community so bad. And they're like, why would you want to do that? They'd be like, why would you want to be, why would you want to be in the Baharian community? Like we want to get out of here. Like it's so, no, I don't even want to be next to Baharian people. They didn't tell me. These are Bukharian people. Yeah, Bukharian people themselves. And I'd be like, wow, like, I didn't know. It was like this. I didn't know. It was judgmental. I tell my friends that I have now, that I met at the Moishepad. I tell them, like, Do you know I used to drive to Queens to walk around the streets of 108? Forest Hills Regal Park, because it made me feel comfortable, because it made me feel like I had community, even though I know nobody in the community except for like my grandparents and family. Wow. That's like so embarrassing for me to say. Okay. But they'd be like, you feel safe here? So they tell me, they say, um. Like, we don't feel that way. We don't feel like, the best walking 101, we feel like maybe we'll know someone from there and like, it's just been opposite for me and probably because I didn't grow up in the community. That being said, I'm having fun meeting all these people. I'm having fun having them on my show. I love filming the Baharian weddings. Does the, what is that thing called? Doira? Does the doira bother me? Yeah, it bothers me. Really? Sorry, I'm gonna say it. It bothers you? Honestly, I wear earplugs and headphones. That's why everybody's like, what are you listening to? I'm like, I'm listening to nothing. It's your onus over here. It's, it's, it's nothing. It's a little annoying, but like, even a videographer that I, that I work with, who I look up to so much, he, he told me like, you know, I used to not like it, but now I love it. And the older I grow, it's like, the more I want, it's like in your DNA almost to be closer to the people that you were born with. And like, your community. Right. They are your blood. Right. And I feel like you are being part of the next generation where things are different, you know, the kids are less judgmental, you know, especially you listen to the people on Sake Stole, like people are pretty open minded, you know? Yeah. Could you imagine? There's so many artists, so many, you know, creative, talented people. I mean, bro, the creator of Vine, freaking Baharian. Crazy. Really? The creator of Vine's Baharian? Yes. I had no idea. Now you know. Wow. I mean, look at that. You know what I mean? We're so special. We are, yeah. We bring so much to this world. By the way, if you want to try, uh, authentic Bukharian cuisine, I, I highly recommend Dhami Kel. I just love them. Basically, they, I go with my wife, and, uh, she loves it. You know, my wife's Ashkenaz. Mm. Whatever, she, she loves Bukharian food there, and, uh. I don't like Bukharian food. No? No, but I love Dhami Kel. I work there all the time. Oh yeah? I'm literally, I like living there. Like in Elagio? Yeah. Elagio, Damichel Palazzo, Troika or whatever over there. Troika 2. Yeah, happens to be there. They're not, uh, sponsoring my podcast. If you wanted to sponsor my podcast, you could reach out. But I'm just saying, as, uh, for Bukharian food, I happen to like it there. My dad makes fire, like. Box, he makes like low carb pluff. Really? Low carb pluff? How is that possible? Come on, come on Shabbat with your wife, we'll find out. No, he's really good at it. But I don't even eat that stuff, honestly. I don't like Samson, I don't like that, no. Anyway, so wow, I just love hearing your story, like, growing up, like, side, and then wanting to be a part of the community so much. So badly. How does it make you feel to hear that, like, their I don't even want to be part of the Bacardi community, and you're like, this is something I'm craving. Honestly, I'm grateful for it. Because I feel like if I did grow up in the community, I'd be like married with ten children. And I'd be, I don't know, maybe that's not just, I don't want to do that right now. Right. So I am grateful. I feel like I would also, um, become something that my parents wanted me to become. In terms of my career, and I don't want that either. Yeah, so I am grateful for it. And um, I feel as though because I didn't grow up in the community, I'm more able to take their judgment. Interesting. In my face, like slap me in the face with the judgment because like, it doesn't bother me because like, I didn't grow up hearing it. So you're more like of an outsider and say, yeah, I'm an outsider, so I don't mind it. But if I was in the community, I feel like, you know, maybe I'd be puzzled or something or, or they would like, or my reputation would be ruined. I don't know. I really don't know. People only know me because my dad brought me to work with him. Very young. Interesting. Your dad's a photographer also? He's a videographer and his dad was a videographer on the side. So it's like family business, you know, that's awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. Tell me about how you ended up making Slocky Stole from, uh, a bio degree. If we're going to go down the path of school. First, I went to school for vocal performance, jazz theory, and audio production for two years. Yeah. I'm a singer. I did that for two years. And then I realized that a degree in that wasn't smart. So then I switched to a bio degree because I wanted to be a pa, but then I realized that the medical system is not something I agree with. Interesting. Okay. And I knew that if I became a PA, that I would have to participate in that and I wasn't down to do it. And I also knew it wasn't like my biggest passion. Okay. Fascinating. What part of the medical system didn't you agree with? Like the, the way they be, or like, like big pharma. Oh, okay. Gotcha. I don't agree with, um, treating the symptom and not the root issue. Mm-Hmm. I think that a lot of medic all the medication is poison. I mean, unless it's an emergency and you really need it. I mean, it's a hot take, I know. Like a lot of, a lot of babulli and didulli, they'd be a, you know, they're really on their high blood pressure pills when all they need to do is stop eating the samsa, you know what I mean? Good luck tearing that away. Duh. Yeah. Trust me, I can't, I can't, I can't tear it away from them. Right. And yeah, I got my degree and then, um, I just knew it's not something I wanted to proceed into. So I started doing full time wedding videography, photography, um, with music on the side. And music is still my biggest passion, although it is on the side, because it is kind of the riskiest thing you can do. Interesting. And this, it's just a passion project. So Slutky Stole is a passion project. I went into it with good intentions, nothing to make money, or nothing like that. I didn't even know it would get as popular as it did, to be honest. Wow. I thought it was going to be a low key thing. That was my intention, and I'm going to continue having pure intentions. Because I feel like when you stop that's when the quality gets worse So i'm going to continue the quality and make it better and better And hopefully this is something that like supports me As well. Yeah, that would be amazing if that works out. That would be nice. And you can continue to pursue music. Oh my gosh, please. Your biggest passion. Yeah. Somebody. Listen to my Spotify. I make a lot of music. I make music with Shlomi Shanti. He's a Baharian DJ. We make some dance music. I make music with, um, Play That Back Jab. He's a, uh, like Syrian Jew. Uh, another guy, Gabby, I make my music with. He's also Baharian. Lots of Baharian artists. Not to be confused with me. Also Ghali. Another really great producer, his name is Avi Benjamin. He's, uh, Yuhan's nephew. Really? Okay, interesting. So lots, lots of great people. That's so fun. Yeah, we rip it up. That's awesome. I mean, what type of music do you sing? I saw briefly on Instagram, like a few things. So I used to be a jazz singer, like professionally. Singer? Yeah, jazz singer. Okay. Yeah, um, but I sing pop, dance, rock, anything really, but my voice is like best suited for like dance music, pop music, jazz music. Interesting, okay. And stuff like indie rock, stuff like that. What do you mean you did jazz music professionally? So I went to a jazz school. Okay, cool. Wait, this was before Turo? Yeah, Five Times College it was called. I really liked that college, honestly. It was really great. Nice, okay. And even though it was very small. It's basically a jazz school. They teach you all the, the, the jazz basics. So like all the songs like Fly Me to the Moon and Summertime. And they got me a gig to work at a jazz club called Treme in West Iceland. I think it closed down. But I would go there with a band, and we would sing, and we'd get paid. It was like, not a lot, but it was nice. And it was cool, actually, jazz music is really good. Interesting, okay. We'd just be forgetting that there are really good songs, like, back in the day. And I don't know if you watch my wedding videos, but There's a lot of like older influence of that kind of music. I feel like like the classics can never be taught, you know, a lot of music comes from jazz music and that's what they taught me. And I don't think anyone is interested in jazz music, honestly. I like singing it. I think my voice suits it well. That's awesome. Do you do improv? Like scatting. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Do you play instruments also? I played the clarinet in, in middle school and then high school I played alto sax so that I could be in the jazz band. I really wanted to be in jazz band. And then I played the piano and I tried to play the guitar, but I couldn't. It's like my favorite instrument. I can't do it. You'll get it. Honestly, honestly, I stopped. I stopped, but I'm expert on guitar hero three. Oh, okay. Awesome. Yeah. Love that game. It's still my favorite game. That's so fun. That was 10. It's still my favorite. Do you like that? Like guitar? Uh, yeah, I play guitar and piano, honestly. Oh, cool! Yeah, I write songs just low key for my, like, my family. Like, when we get, like, together, I, like, write a song, usually. That's super cool. Yeah, um, it's, they're nothing special, you know? They're just, like, they're decent. If you know anything about music theory, you could, like, you know, I think it's pretty simple. But whatever, anyways, I mean, tell me more about content creation. Like, how are you, I mean, I know you mentioned that you're working with all these people. How'd you even get in touch with these people to start producing your music? Well, I first started with Jab, Josh Benaim. He went to the same college as me. The Five Towns one or two? Five Towns. Got you. And then, um, Gabby, like he hit me up on Instagram. Shlomi also hit me up on Instagram, but he's a DJ in the community. He's a very good DJ. Very good. And he's an amazing producer as well, and he hit me up and we worked together. And then also, just basically Instagram. Honestly, Instagram is a great tool. Yeah, and I see you posting your stuff out there. It's awesome. I try. Yeah. It's not easy. It's not. It's so hard. It is, yeah. To post, like, music on there, honestly. I hear ya. It's like the thing I love the most, and that's the thing I'm most, like, Perfectionism about you know, and I totally understand that and that's fair and it's probably something you're also afraid of judgment from and it's like because you love it the most it's like you don't want to hear that you didn't do well on it. Yeah, I'll be honest with you. My dad put me into video. Okay, I am like a creative I would say as well as you. Thank you. But it wasn't like my end all video was not my end all photo was on my end all I just did it to help my dad and I had a really good time doing and I have fun. I think it was that kind of mentality of like, it's not my end all that really made me successful So i'm a big believer in manifestation Okay, so I have this one guy that I Love his work. Like it's the only type of video work that's really made me emotional. His name is a Ray Roman films and I put his video of a wedding, like whatever he filmed on my vision board with on like other pictures. And like three days after that, he, he follows me on Instagram. And from there, I DM'd him and I was like, I love your work, we must work together. Wow, okay. You must hire me, like, we must make this happen. He was like, let's do it! What are you waiting for? Really? Okay. Yeah, and then, we worked together at a wedding, and after that, he shipped me out to France and Brazil. What?! Yeah, to film weddings. Um, I was supposed to go to Israel with him. He is the top three wedding cinematographers in the world. Mm hmm. Ever since that, my work Has gotten so much better quality wise, like I didn't know I could learn so much and from there I was confident to start booking my own weddings. That's amazing. Yeah Wow, so he was like kind of like a mentor and yeah, and like really yeah but then again like it the videos not end all be all so I started booking my own weddings and It wouldn't affect me as much like I went all in and like cuz like I didn't really care if I failed in this or Not so I just did it And honestly, everyone should have that mentality, I feel like. That's amazing. You are such a good, I love that. So tell me about this manifestation thing. Like, how long have you been practicing? So, it works. I'm just gonna say it. I'm just gonna put it out there. Law of Attraction, I'm sure you know. Manifestation works. It's a form of prayer. Judaism practices manifestation. Okay, interesting. I'd love to hear this. Yes, okay. This is also how I, um, navigate my twenties, I would say. Just be delusional. Interesting. Okay. Just be as delusional as you can. Just think the world of yourself. Even though, even though you don't feel that way inside, just think it, and it will eventually become a reality. To me, it's mind boggling how it works and how you can literally convince yourself of a negative thing or a positive thing just by thinking it. They talk about how the brain, it's a powerful thing, but you, but it's also stupid in a way where you can convince it things. Like if I say, Oh my god, like I get into traffic, and I always freaking go on the van wick, and I always go into this traffic on the van wick, and I always say like, oh my god, I am so unlucky, every single time this happens to me, every single time I get into this traffic, I'm so unlucky. Your brain starts to believe you're unlucky. This is a real thing. I started saying to the mirror myself, I started saying, or not even to the mirror. I would say it like, in the littlest thing, my water bottle didn't leak today, or something like that, I'd be like, wow, I'm such a lucky girl, that didn't happen today, so lucky, now, I'd be finding random, like, five dollar bills on the street. You're kidding me. No, I'm serious. That's so awesome. Like, in wads, I'd be finding them all over the place. I feel as though I am truly lucky. The outreach that, that this has gotten already makes me so lucky. I feel as though DJ Alex asked for my autograph. I look up to him so much. I'm a lucky girl. Like, you know, those things like you say, those things, your brain will believe it. I hated the left side of my face. What? I still hate the left side of my face. But I started saying in the mirror. I love you. You're beautiful. You're smart. You're intelligent. You're beautiful. You're gorgeous. And now, I like the left side of my face. That's amazing. Okay. So I am convincing myself of these things and I feel like the more that I attract it or say it out loud, the more it comes to me and I see this with people that are very negative and they, they don't like themselves. They don't love themselves and they say like negative things and self talk. And I told my friends, I'm like, that's it. We're not even calling ourselves ugly anymore. We're not even saying, well, I don't look good in this picture. Delete that. I'm not even saying that anymore because negative talk. It comes true. So manifestation to me and law of attraction is very important and it's like a daily thing in my life, saying affirmations, waking up, being like, this day is going to be amazing. When I sleep at night, and I'm a, I'm a heavy sleeper, um, it's bad. I, I'll be like, I'm going to wake up at 8am in the morning feeling so refreshed and guess what? And it actually works for you. It works. Yeah, that does not work for me. Because you have to like, you have to be so delusional to believe it. Interesting. You have to be so delusional like, this is going to work out for me no matter what because I said it's going to work out for me and I swear the universe works in this way. Like getting to that point where it's like this is real and like you've convinced it like to the core you believe it. Yeah, that's why you gotta be delusional. I love that. I love, I don't know, yeah. It feels weird to talk to yourself in the mirror and say that you're beautiful and that you love yourself. Like, but you aren't speaking to your inner child. You know, and then at one point you're gonna believe it. That's incredible. I don't know, is that weird? No, not at all. I mean, it works for you. Who cares if it's weird? It's, it's what's true. I for anyone. Yeah. Yeah. Um. I'm not trying to be condescending either. I want to make that a point. I also want to make that a point. I'm not trying to like, say like, I give good advice because I'm also very naive and I'm also growing and learning. So I'm not, I'm not trying to tell anybody to do nothing, nothing like that, nothing. Nope. We're all trying to figure out life, honestly, and I think one of the biggest discoveries for me in my adulthood was that just the fact that I am an adult, and I'm not any smarter than I was when I was a teenager, I'm not, I'm literally the same exact person, and I am an adult, like, nothing magical happens, I didn't get any revelation, like, I'm still I'm literally like the same person I was when I was a kid. I'm just officially an adult now, you know? You know what Alan said? What? What did he say? Did you watch the third episode or no? I did see it. Yeah He said we're all like men are just boys. Yeah, I don't agree with what he was saying. No, I'll tell you why No disrespect. No, it's okay But I mean I feel we're all just kids like girls like women are also just girls like we're we're still Figuring it out. Like I don't think women get revelation You could correct me if I'm wrong about like all of a sudden like they're an adult now Like you're still the same person. I don't know, like the bar mitzvah maybe? But I'm saying even at the Bar Mitzvah, like, you know, they say, okay, you get some type of spiritual thing, but my point is, is I'm kind of still the same person that I, that I was like, literally, I don't think really anything's changed about me. Yeah, I have an education and I can do a job officially, but like, yeah, like all of a sudden I'm expected to be a father now and have a successful marriage and, and, you know, build a company, build a, whatever, a podcast, whatever I'm doing. Um, it's, it's, it's like nothing happens to you when you're an adult that all of a sudden, like, you know, what's flying, you know, we're all still figuring it out. So true. Do you know what I mean? That's why, that's why I don't listen to the, to the hate comments too much. Yeah. Because I know that they're just grown, uh, children. Yeah, for sure. They're grown children. We're all grown children. We are, yeah. You know what they say where they're like, Oh, if you're performing, look at everybody and think of them like they're in their underwear. That's never helped me because they're not in their underwear. But you know, it's helped me, especially like meeting with, you know, someone that maybe I'm scared to talk to, or they're like highly influential or something like that. Like I worked with billionaires, and I just think of them like adult children, because really at the end of the day, and I really believe this, a reflection of what we do is a reflection of our childhood trauma. Like the way that we carry ourselves and act, I know is because of our childhood traumas. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it is wild how people carry. You know, these, these really painful experiences with them and how much it affects them in the future. Even like, trying to like, avoid them, you know, and it's, it's beyond conscious level, but like, The act of trying to just like, avoid the painful experiences changes a person like, well, like, mad, you know? That's why I really appreciated when Charles was talking about finding your attachment style before you get into a relationship. It's very important to know who you are and like what happened to you as a child so that you don't lash out on your partner because of something, you know, like maybe your dad wasn't very available because he was working very hard. And he wasn't present in your childhood. That could mean that maybe you have some abandonment issues. Maybe you're anxiously attached to somebody. Or maybe they were way too involved and they were helicopter parents and now you're an avoidant person. For sure, yeah. And it's like, where's that coming from? Like, why am I so scared to lose this person? And then you really, like, go back into your past and be like, wow, like, My traumas and you know, they were working hard. It's not like they meant to leave me But my traumas are making me who I am today and everything that I do The relationships that I have are all a reflection of trying to be safe and not be abandoned or have those traumas So I really believe in that For sure. There's actually a really great guy on YouTube, I think you maybe know him. Dr. Gaber Maté. Oh, Maté, yeah, I've heard of him. Yeah. Gosh, he's so good. He, he does As a child, he was in the Holocaust. Right. And like, he remembers being abandoned from the Holocaust, but he didn't know that his parents left him because they were, you know, taken away. He thinks of it like, oh, I'm not good enough. Right, right. That's how maybe somebody else It's so sad, yeah, yeah. Thinks of it. Like, I know that I know I think of I thought about it that way, and I still think about that. All right, no, I, I, yeah, I really feel you with that, honestly, um, and it is sad, like even something silly, like somebody got into a car accident when they were a kid. Well, it's not silly, but, um, you know, they might think that the world is just a cruel and dangerous place, you know, and it's just unfortunate. Yeah, there are dangerous things that happen in the world. Can't help it. Yeah, yeah. But to walk around with that feeling that like, Hey, the world's a dangerous place. Like it's sad. You can't help it when you're a kid, like you said, but, um, you know, it really has to be dealt with. Yeah, I want to talk to you about how in a lot of people nowadays, it seems feel lost in their 20s. And I feel like you're young and you're doing like a lot of really cool things. And, um, I just want to talk to you about that. Like, how did you find these passions? Like, how do you have the confidence to like pursue your passions? What advice can you give to people and your age? Yeah. So I feel like I'm as blind as anybody else navigating their 20s. Like, what is this? What is your 20s? I, I, I never feel good enough. I never feel like I'm doing enough. I always feel like I could be doing better. It's honestly really negative talk to yourself. I do continue, um, being self compassionate and knowing, like, it's not so easy to navigate your twenties. It's not an easy thing to know what to do right away. I need, I want to do say that I am lucky because I'm a girl. And I feel like with the position that I'm in, with the family that I have, like, I always have this thing in the back of my head. I was like, okay, if I don't become successful, like, At least my husband can provide for me. I feel like men don't have that. You know what I mean? Especially in this community. They do have to provide. Or, you know, there's some men that, you know, they have the womanly roles and the woman provides. And it's a functioning household. But, I feel as though we all should be compassionate to ourselves and to know that Like, I am as blind as the next person. I know we all feel that stress in the back of our head where we want to get, like, everything done and, like, to be a certain person at a certain age. I do write down in my journal, like, who I want to become, but I write it as if it's now. So I'll say, like, oh, I'm I'm this person, and I wake up at this time, and I eat these things, and I drive this car, and I meet these people, and this is my, this is where I go on vacation, and it's like, I write it down, and I try to make it a reality, and I try to work on it. And if you believe in yourself enough, which is a huge problem for me, because I have a lot of self belief in myself, especially with music. If you just believe in yourself and realize that people are not even focusing on you, they're focused on themselves, they don't even care what you're doing, it's, then you realize, like, okay, I'm gonna go full out with what I want to do, and I'm not gonna let people judge me. And you know what Kris Jenner says? She's such a boss. She says, um, and if they say no to you, then you're just speaking to the wrong person. I'm one step closer to a yes. And like, I just believe in myself, I know, I know delusionally, delusionally I know everything will work out, so it'll work out, it must work out, and You just have to be delusional, like, I don't even know what to say, other than be delusional, like, I'm so delusional, like, I know everything is gonna work out. I also feel like, taking care of your body and your health, makes you a more productive person. Okay, cool, yeah. I'm not gonna lie. Yeah. I'm not that healthy when it comes to like eating, you know, whenever you eat out you have canola oils I have a lot of canola oils in my body and then my seed oils and stuff and I Neglect working out for months and months and months But the times that I do focus on myself and do my skincare go to the gym I feel that much more like I love myself and that much more like I want to accomplish my dreams So honestly, like if you're in a rut try that. Okay. Yeah, try taking a walk. I love that. I love walking. That's beautiful Yeah, I feel like You know, you mentioned a lot of really good points about like having self compassion and realizing like, you know, you're not the only one that goes through that feeling of like, whatever I do isn't enough. It always feels like that, honestly, because it's like, especially when you're young, because to, to really get to that place where it's like, okay, I have a house, I have like a family, I'm whatever, supporting all those things that you need to quote, unquote, be successful, like that takes a really long time to build. So it always is going to feel like it's, it's never enough. But like you said, like having compassion, it's a long journey. You know, taking care of yourself physically and mentally as much as you can. I feel like those are really beautiful things. I feel like you are a great person to talk on it. Thank you so much. Yeah, because you are young. So are you. Yeah, you, you are actually making things happen. You're going for your dreams and I love that. It's like, I feel like, um, for me, I, something that I really always try to do is like be like critically honest with myself. And like when I'm being a B word, like, you know, I'm like, I gotta stop being, uh, you know, a B. I don't like saying it on the podcast, even though I do say it on real life. But, um. It's, it's, it's crazy because like you're right, it's, it's easy to kind of beat yourself up and be like, I'm not doing enough, but at the same time, you really have to have compassion for yourself and, and treat yourself like somebody you care for, you know, like you said physically. Treat yourself like your friend, like your best friend or your family member. And I want to say, I think it's harder for us first generation people. There is such a pressure to take care of your parents and to want to build them the best life possible because, you know, they came as refugees to this country. It's like, I don't think. People are feeling the same way we're feeling that are not in this position. It's very, very hard and it's always in the back of your head and it's almost like it bothers you. How much you need to succeed for your family. Especially those Baharians that are first gen that like haven't reached that, that level that they want to be at. Gosh, it's like, it's so self consuming. And then there's doubt. It's gotta be delusional. It's gotta be delusional. I love how you deal with it, honestly. I mean, I guess like a little advice I would give, I love the delusional aspect, like what you're saying, like you have to convince yourself that everything's gonna be okay, and truth be told, it's like, you know that Beatles line? Like, everything's gonna be good at the end, and if it's not, it's not the end. You know? Wow, I like that. But, um, yeah, like convincing, like kind of like, people say like, fake it till you make it. But, uh, a previous guest kind of told me he's like face it till you make it, you know, like keep confronting all the challenges and, uh, You just gotta believe in yourself and like keep, keep moving forward and take the steps. Like we really are just souls living a human experience. We really are just our chemicals in our brain. It's not easy to like, Remember that when you're happier, when you're sad, but a good thing, like, and I know this is a huge on religion too, religion, they say, if you're grateful, you're a follower of God, like you're a believer, having gratitude, having gratitude, so it's like when the bad things happen, thank God, when the good things happen, thank God, it's hard to say thank God when bad things happen, but when you do, you realize like, There's a creator. I mean, if you believe in that, of course, and like, we really are just human beings, like living a, this experience, like this human experience. So we are souls is what I mean. We are souls. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, it's hard to detach from that law of detachment. Have you had an experience where you felt like, I don't know, an altered state of consciousness where you realize that or like, yeah, my sister had a near death experience and she is way stronger than I am mentally. And she taught me those things, especially during her challenges of getting better and maybe, you know, maybe not even being able to like move a part of her body because she may or may not be paralyzed. And she taught me, we really must separate ourselves from this human life. Like we, we are a soul and whatever may happen in this life, God gives us challenges that he thinks that we can face. If I'm sad about something, I just think about maybe what my mom and my dad went through, you know, being, you know, going in the army and in Russia, like, that's really difficult. Or my mom losing her father at two years old, or my sister almost losing her life, like, I think about those things. They teach you to detach from the things in life that we, we always want, but we don't really need. You know, so yeah from her experience. I learned a lot. It definitely helped me grow mentally as a person very strongly You know seeing her in that situation and and not knowing what the future will hold It's like when you even when when life throws you a situation where you're like solo not a lot can affect you after that That's why it's good to have scars It really, you know, makes a person who they are. Um, that reminds me. Character development. Yeah. That's what they call it. That's cool. Um, that reminds me of like this story I heard where this, uh, lady, you know, she, she lost a child, you know, God forbid, but, um, basically, you know, and she was kind of living this classic suburban life, keeping up with the Joneses, you know, that kind of vibe. And. I don't know, like, a few weeks later she was, like, sitting with her friends again, and, like, they were talking about, like, Oh, I'm so upset, I stained my shirt. And, like, this person was, like, really upset about it. And, um, the mom, who had lost a child, was, like, thinking about that and was, like, This is what she's concerned about? Like, she, she stained her shirt? But the same, she, the same person, like, a few weeks ago would have had the same upset level if, if she had gotten coffee spilled on her. But, like, the only thing that changed was, like, tragedy was put in perspective for her. That, like, hey, you know, we sweat off. It's hard to say this to somebody that's going through pain, like, Hey, you know, it could be so much worse. Um, don't you realize, like, how bad things could get? Like, put it in perspective. But it is a true point that, like, we constantly do have to meditate on, where it's like, life really could be worse. And it's like, there are literally millions of people out there today, in the world, that would give anything they can to trade their life with you. Like, literally anything they can. It's like, it's hard to keep that in mind. You know, yeah, you have to you have to wake up and say, thank God my legs are working, right? Yeah, and I feel like Judaism does that like thank God I went to the bathroom. We have that Love that, you know staying grateful staying grateful. And I think there is something called toxic positivity though. Oh, yeah. Yeah for sure I mean, how do you define it? Like how do you understand it? Like by saying like, Oh, well, at least, at least I'm not this and that, at least I'm not that, it's like, they call it toxic positivity. I don't know, some therapist said that. I don't know, do you believe in that? I mean, it makes sense. What I would say is like, kind of like toxic positivity is like, if you actually are feeling a lot of pain and you're like avoiding it by like, Oh, you know, everything's all good. Yeah, you have to go through it, they say, like through the fire and the flames. I'm not so good at going through the fire and the flames, to be honest. Yeah, for sure. I try to avoid it. You know, and it's honestly super bad for you. Yeah, we try to do what's best for us, but like, um, it's hard, you know, because everyone has their ways of coping with challenges in life. And for some people, that's just like, you know, trying to, you know, flick it off, brush it off, even though especially men, I feel like it's more, they're not given, they're not, they're not allowed to be, they're not allowed to cry, I feel like. Yeah, I feel like, I mean, uh, yeah, one of the things I want to talk to you about is masculinity, femininity, and like the standards and the culture, but like, um, so you feel like men don't like have it as like easy because they're not able to cry and feel emotional? Yeah, so we did speak about this on episode one, vulnerability and the topic of vulnerability, and there's two ways to like to think about it, and it's like, Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable or do you not and just fulfill your duties as a man? You know women love, um, you know, I don't know about all the women But I know that most women I would say love a masculine guy Right who will allow his who will allow their man to be masculine Yeah, and to do those things for her So that she can provide in other ways By, like, being in a support system and whatnot and receiving gifts. Okay. But I, I do, I know that I, I, I'm not gonna say life is harder for men or women. But I do think that they're human beings. They deserve to be in touch with their emotions instead of brushing it off. Yeah. I think that it doesn't make them feminine, in my opinion, by knowing. How you're feeling and knowing how to navigate your emotions like it is a human thing I can't speak with on men because I'm not a man Honestly, I know that women are way more in touch emotionally with their emotions I guess I would just say that, um, it's okay to cry. Yeah. It's okay. Like I've seen men cry. It's okay. I've seen men cry and like, I'm not gonna be like, Hey, such a woman. No, I'm gonna be like, you know, life is freaking hard. Shed a tear or two. It releases your cortisol levels like you would never believe, you know, I feel so good to cry because your stress levels are coming down and you feel much better. You know, you can just hold it in. Holding your emotions inside actually, I believe, lead to, um, serious physical and mental issues. Like serious health problems. So as, as much as we like to make it, you know, toxic masculinity as they call it, or like the tough man, like nothing bothers me, like it's good to have that exterior, but just don't like avoid your emotions, I feel, because then you'll just be like a rock. It's really good advice. Really? I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to give advice. No, I mean, yeah, you're right. You don't have to be too overly emotional. Also, women don't like men that are like, so emotional. You know, like, we like, we like a good provider. Like a safe person. Like, we feel safe with you, we're secure. But you could also talk about your vulnerabilities. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah, I agree. I agree. But I will say this. This is a little controversial. A few things. I mean, I want to get your thoughts on femininity because like on my podcast I've talked with men and we've talked about masculinity and the reason I like talking about it is because I feel like nowadays it's It's something that's debated. You know, we we have terms like toxic masculinity, which I think does exist I don't necessarily draw the line at the same place. But um, you know definitely exists But yeah, I definitely want to get your thoughts on femininity. But before that I'll just tell you I think as a man First of all, it's definitely harder to be a woman in my point of view than it is to be a man. I think women have it harder. Um, you know, childbirth and women could choose not to, but like, um, whatever societally, I think there are different like pay gaps and stuff like that. But that's besides the point. I think as a man, honestly, you have to be a little bit stoic. You can't just let your emotions, um, Make you do something wrong or something, uh, that like even prevent you from doing the right thing. Like, I feel like even if you're in a bad mood, you gotta hit the gym every day. You know what I mean? Like, um, That's discipline. Right. Discipline. Exactly. Like, even if you're in a bad mood, you have to go and work and do the thing that's hard. This is a little bit traditional in my view, but I feel like if it's between you and your wife, like one of you has to work for whatever reason, it obviously has to be the man that has to go work and, and, Thousand percent. Yeah. That's awesome. That's not to say that there aren't, like, relationships where the man takes, let's say, more feminine roles and the, you know, female takes more masculine roles. Like, that could happen, that could work for people, but I feel like if your expectations coming into a relationship are like, you're going to be feminine and your spouse is going to be masculine, and you don't get that, you're not going to be happy. You know, it's just, it's a recipe for disaster, I think. It's true. Yeah. It's true. Yeah, but, uh, I mean, I want to get your thoughts on femininity, but, like, to me, being a man means certain things. Like, it means you have to show up, you have to do what you gotta do. Like, they're, they're, not to say that you can't be emotional, like, if, of course, you are emotional, but I think, like, every, every being is emotional, you feel emotions, and it's like, You should not hold that in. You need to find a way to express that in an appropriate way. You know, just because somebody is angry doesn't mean they could, they should go and like smash somebody's car and if that, you know, the person that made them angry, that's a little crazy, you know. You have to learn to express your emotions properly. Um, and I mean it's true for women too, don't get me wrong, but I feel like women have maybe more of like a license to be a little bit more, yeah. It's true. We have more. It's easier, honestly, like, it's like, for example, like, you know, that there'll be like one week out of the month that you got to treat your girl certain type of different way, you know, like, yeah, it's like, there's like a little tick tock where it's like, you know, that one was like, I'm gonna take care of you, Brady. You know, that was so funny, because like, we as I mean, like, I'm not speaking for everyone, obviously. Everyone is different. Women have shown that they can be stronger than men if they need to be. But we like to be taken care of, you know? Women like that. They like to be pampered. I mean, I'm speaking for the ones that I know. I'm not speaking for all of them. Just to be clear. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm a female in a male dominated industry. That is interesting. Yeah. I love my co workers. Okay, awesome. So much. But they are older men. And would I say that I have masculine traits? Yes, I do. Am I trying to become more feminine? Yes. I do believe that having like divine femininity is very important for a woman. Wow. I do believe that. Let's talk about that. What is that? What is divine femininity? I don't know much about it, but what I do know is that you can let them open the door. You don't have to be so independent. You don't have to open your own. You can let them pay for your meals. You don't have to feel bad about it. If it's a date, you can let them compliment you. Without saying, Oh, thank you. You can say, Oh, I'm flattered. It's just the little things I feel like. Um, I feel like a woman should also have divine femininity when they receive. Having a, having this like complex of receiving things from a man, let them spoil you. Because I feel like men like it to give things in his nature to be a provider, to give things, you know. I love that. Yeah, to, to give and they love doing that, I feel, I think as at least I think they do. And so having there to be an avenue where you can let him do that makes you more of a feminine, you know, divine femininity. It really touches into that and it makes your man more masculine. And it's like, it's a good recipe, you know, like, you know, like say I'm I'm all alone and I need to be aggressive and I need to be like, very manly. I will do that just to, you know, survive myself because, you know, there are times where you don't, you don't have somebody next to you to be your brain. They say, like, I don't know if you've seen that tick tock or it's like when we're out and what I'm thinking is like, Okay, where's all the exits? Where's the door? Where can I, you know, fight somebody if I have to fight somebody? And the woman is like, she's like thinking of anything. I like that. Interesting. I do. At least I like it for now. My opinions are always subject to change. I'm always changing. Yeah, we're all growing humans. I love that. What do you think about that? No, I love that, honestly. I think it's brilliant. I feel like it's a little bit of a disservice to, um, you know, I feel like there's like this push that women should be like corporate and let's say like quote unquote more masculine in general. And I feel like it's a disservice because like a lot of people really want to be able to have families and to work and to like everything and like to push them away from having families. I'd say like, okay, just push a, a corporate career on you. Like that's not gonna satisfy you long term. You know, like you're not gonna look back and be like, oh, thank God I was an accountant for, for the past 40 years and I have money, but no family. Or like, you know, like, you got to the top of a company, but it's like, at what cost? You know, people I hear that. Yeah. I hear that women are happier when they're around their children. Right. Rather than, you know, chasing the nine to five or whatever the business. Right. I hear that. Yeah. I don't know if that's the truth. Me personally, Okay. I don't know. I felt like I always, I don't have any brothers, so I felt like I always had to uphold a very masculine role in my household and especially because I used to go to work with my dad and my dad and I have a very strong bond with each other. Like I went to work with him when I was 14, so I would help him like carry these heavy tripods and these like cameras that they used to never be like DSLRs. There used to be these humongous, ginormous cameras and like I would help him and. At 14, I feel like that made me very masculine, especially working with a lot of men and getting along with them. And also my mom, she's like a business owner and she, she's very also masculine, you know? So I've grown into that naturally. I don't know if I'll enjoy the things that women enjoy in terms of childbearing or being a mom. I assume I would like it. I hope I do. But it is just such an interesting question that you bring up about the differences. Because although I am a firm believer that women should have specific roles and men should like how they used to do it in the 50s You know, I mean like not the wife beating or anything like that Like the women would stay at home and they take care of the children and I mean like there's been like that for centuries And it works. Is it gonna work for everybody? No, but I don't think that a lot of females should be like making them into something that they may be not. Yeah I feel, uh, I feel like people should just have more freedom instead of, like, pushing, like, people to do specific things, like, let people have the freedom to decide what they want. I feel like, for you, for example, like, you are incredible at what you do, and, like, imagine, yeah, imagine if you were, like, stuck at home, and, like, this is the 50s, and they're like, hey, you're 24, you gotta get married already five years ago, you know? Yeah, that scares me so much. Yeah, exactly. Especially in the community, they're getting married so early. They are, yeah. That's why I asked that question. I'm like, are they getting married early? Not that that's a bad thing. Honestly, I believe that you should really stick with, like, one person. You believe that? I do believe that. Okay, interesting. I do believe. I do. I think, I think the bond is, like, much greater when you, when you're not so, like, I don't want to say it, I just don't want to say it. Okay, I'm just going to say, I believe it. Yeah. I'm not saying you're a perfect person if you do it. I'm not saying you're perfect if you don't do it. I'm just saying I believe it. Listen, I hear what you're saying actually, and I agree with you. I just think that like, um, It's not so easy because a lot of people get divorced for like a reason, you know, and like they're, you know, relationships end, relationships die. I feel like there is a kind of standard that like relationships should be forever until like death do us part and that's a beautiful thing and I feel like if you are in love with your spouse and you value being in that relationship, you should work on that relationship as much as you can, but like sometimes unfortunately it does end. And, like, not even necessarily anyone's fault, like, you guys just grew apart or something, I don't know. You think we have that drive? Which drive? That our parents had to, like, stay together. Oh, no, you know what? I'll be honest, like, my parents, like, went through a lot, you know? They, they came to America and literally built, like, a life for themselves without speaking the language at all. And like, they've literally, yeah, they made it here. I, I've never seen anyone as hardworking as my parents. They're literally the most hardworking people I know. God bless. Yeah, God bless. Um, but I, I will say, like, I, I, they have this, no matter what happens, they're like staying together, you know? Ah, yes! Yeah. Bring it back! Bring them back, please. I don't like this breaking up culture, unless they're really, really bad. Unless they're hitting you or like, okay, no, this is gonna go wrong. Unless it has to be ended. Like, there are conditions, abuse, real reasons, like cheating, stuff like that. But if it's like, you know, These, these little things, I feel like people are breaking up for the littlest things. It's not going to be easy. And I'm not speaking from experience. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying I know everything. I'm just saying. The breakup culture is so strong. Especially seeing how many people are on social media. And you know, hinge at the fingertip. Like, choose who you want. There's so many options. TikTok, you see so many people. I don't think it's normal. We see so many people. Fascinating. Yeah, overexposure. Who could I be with? Right. Okay, if you're with that person, you're going to have other problems. Problems exist. They're going to exist with every person. There's no perfect person. That's why I feel like, you know, you have to be like, die hard for the person you choose to be with. You're like, that's it. This is my person. We're going to make it work no matter what. And like, forget about. Another option, right? We're just given too many options nowadays. That's why the Trader Joe's, you know, why people shop at Trader Joe's no options Is that it? It's because it's less options. It's less hard on the brain to choose interesting because they it's a it's a mind game Less options the happier It's like there's not so much to choose from you're not overwhelmed Yeah. No, I, I agree with you. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like if you were going to get married, especially you're going to have children with that person, like you should as much as you can have that mindset of like do or die. Listen, obviously there are exceptions. You know, if we agree to be a monogamous relationship and then they start cheating, like that's obviously an exception if they're being abusive, like we said. Um, but then at the same time, it's like, I don't know. I feel like, I feel like, you know, who made me think of this? One of my, one of my friends, he like, he told me, he's like, I was like, of course, what do you mean? You get married to someone. It's for life. He's like, what is it? I don't, I don't remember what he said exactly, but like, it opened my mind. He's like, why does it have to be for life? Like, sometimes relationships just end. Like, you don't, you raise the kids, it's done, you want to go do certain things, they don't, and it's like, okay, you know, it's like, we're, we're, I still love you, but it's like, this, this thing has run its course. Like, you're not in school forever, you know? Like, you end school eventually. What do you think about that? Do they run their course? It's a good point. It's a good, it's a good question. I feel like it depends on the relationship, you know. You definitely know certain friendships have run their course, you know, it's like, all right, um, and there are certain people that are in marriages that like, they just didn't, not, not because of abuse, not because of anything bad. It just ran its course, you know, maybe they just got bored with each other. Is that what it is? Probably. Spice it up. Come on, keep it together. No, you're right, Sarah. I don't know. Honestly, I'm not speaking from experience. I'm not trying to give advice. I don't know any of this stuff. I hope I figure it out. For sure. But I saw my parents and like Shoot, it's not easy to have arranged parents, if I'm going to be honest, but they, they were, they had that mentality where it's, it's, it's this person, like nothing. Yeah, they did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a beautiful thing. There's a lot, there's a lot that goes into it. Right. Yeah. No, for sure. And I agree with you. You're right. It's like, the only reason I'm saying this honestly, is because I got like, I know people that get divorced and it's like, it's not necessarily because this person did something so bad. You know, and it's like hard to say that like, maybe they just didn't want to be with them. And it also comes down to the options. Right, right, right. That's it. Because you may think that you see someone that you might think, think it's better. But people always show a face. They always have something to hide. We all have skeletons in our closet. There will be issues regardless. Switching your person for another person, I don't think will ever come to the right, um, conclusion, like what you think you want, you know. That's just what I see. Yeah, what do you think? No, I mean I want to hear more about femininity though and masculinity like I'm not a very feminine woman, honestly. I mean, I try to be now. My sister's a very feminine woman. And she's helped me tap into my femininity more. Because we are women. I'm a woman, at the end of the day. There are certain things, if I tap into those things, life is better. Same for a man. Men like to be appreciated. For what they do. Men do want to be appreciated, but everyone wants to be appreciated, no? True. But I know it's a bigger thing, like, men, they will buy you everything. They will get you those things that you want, but they just want to thank you. They want to know that you're happy. Yeah, I know for myself as a husband, like, I want to see my wife happy. You know, I want to know I do a good, like, I'm doing a good job providing. That's love. I feel like women want to be shown that they're taken care of. Right. That is tapping into your divine feminine, I, I think. Interesting. To take, to be taken care of, to show, uh, to be safe, to be secure, like my man can beat up anybody over here without a problem. You know, or just, or just, you know, just to be safe, not that they have to look masculine. Right. Just feeling like I can let my guard down and, and have him be my protector. That's a, that's a feminine thing. It's okay for women to let their guard down and let the men do it for them. The femininity aspect, and like honestly, I'm not the best person to ask. Because I'm really not. But I am learning a lot how to tap into it. I now I let, now I let people carry my stuff. Like you helped me carry my gear inside. It's very difficult. Like I usually never do that. I'm like, Oh, I could do it myself cause I don't want to bother anybody. I'm a very big people pleaser as well. Not being a people pleaser is also good, you know, as a, as a feminine. Hmm. Right. Even though people think like, Oh, you know, you must please everybody, this, that, do, do, do, do everything for the household and keep the, you look a certain way and act a certain way. I hear you. Cause it's, you're trying to describe a very elusive concept where it's like. Obviously women want to feel like women and men want to feel like men, but it's like, what is that? How do you get there? And it's like kind of tricky and it's interesting and I hear your points. Letting your guard down I feel like is the biggest thing. It's a big, yeah, being able to be vulnerable. Yeah, be vulnerable as a woman. It's kind of hard nowadays as a woman. To do it interesting because of the world that we live in because of how dog eat dog we are and especially in New York. I feel like there's also a lot of feminine men and not that there's anything wrong with them. It's just getting to a point where now you cannot really see a difference between men and women like there used to be. It's that bad? That's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I'm a very traditional I guess type of person I'm also like I'm in the middle, but I do keep those standards right like more of those traditional values Yeah, like my mom for example. She's she's she's like a hustler. She's a go getter and stuff like that My dad cooks on Shabbat every Friday My dad makes the best Shabbat. Best Shabbat ever. My mom will clean, you know, but those, but that's not normal. Right, you're saying like that's a bit, but it works, exactly. But it works, and it works amazing, and my dad is also a very hard worker. Right. You know? That's why, for me, it's hard to talk about it because it's like, the roles, like, it's so different with me. With me, personally, it's hard to let people do things for me, so I am learning. Yeah. It's hard even when people Buy me things that may be of like value. I always feel like I have to owe them now, but women. And femininity is like, receive that gift, you know, and say thank you. Realize that you are the prize. I think after this I'm going to learn more about what it is to be a woman. And then when we do part two, we'll talk about it. But, uh, no, Sarah, I really had a really great time talking with you. Me too, Gabby. Yeah, it's so fun, uh, hearing your thoughts and getting to know you a little bit. And I'm just, I'm so impressed with everything you're doing. Oh, that's so crazy. Yeah, I wish you tons of success. Um, I can't wait to be featured on Slakistol. Amen. Yeah. Um, and good luck with your music and making that happen and the photography. I just, I love seeing when like young people are just getting stuff done. And we're also obviously trying to figure it out. So it's just like, I, I. I think you're incredible. So keep it up. Dils into the haters. Um, I love the takeaways we had from this episode about being compassionate to yourself. Um, talking about men being able to like emote properly. Um, talking about divine femininity and, uh, well, a bunch of other stuff. We talked about crying, culture, community. Um, first, uh, before I ask you about like closing thoughts, I just wanted to, uh, give the audience the opportunity to find you where, yeah. Thank you. You're good. So I have a couple different Instagrams, um, Visuals by Zara with a Z is my photography slash videography page, and my YouTube is in the bio. Of that link of the that Instagram book that official on Instagram is where I will be doing all of the Slutky Stole posting as well. I'm going to be having different series in the book content creation page. I really want to. Interview older Baharians that have, that are refugees that have immigrated here. And I really want to capture their story on how they immigrated. And maybe the issues that they faced back in the country. Maybe anti Semitism. I want to do a series on immigrant parents versus first generation children. I want to interview It's going to be spicy. Yeah. All of the influential, you know, Baharians that are doing a job that are not accepted in the community. Like what types of jobs? Like they're like the pioneers, interviewing them and seeing, you know, what, what were their passions and how they made it come true. Although the obstacles of living in our community may give them. That will be a series. So there will be more series on the, on the page. That's awesome. I'm really looking forward. Yes. And I hope to have you on there. Oh, for sure. Thank you. I appreciate it. And, um, yeah, my, uh, so, um, if you look up my full name, Sarah Boruchov, S A R A H B O R U K H O V on Instagram, I have my, um, music on there and in the bio is my Spotify link. I'm on Spotify, Apple Music, and all the other streaming services. Okay. Awesome. YouTube SoundCloud, yeah. Yeah. You can look at the description of this video or in the show notes and, um, you will find all these links. Yeah. Really. Thank you so much, Sarah, for coming on. And can we, for part two, um, Sarah, if there were something that let's say, imagine the whole world is tuning in right now, um, something you can yell from the rooftops, what would you want them to know? Be delusional. Be delusional. That's it. Thanks so much, Gabby. You're so amazing. I really appreciate it. Of course. I appreciate you, Sarah. Thank you. Take care guys.