The Gabi Koyenov Podcast
Therapist vs Life Coach With Royce Laguerta
Connect with Royce!
Nevada Fitness - https://www.nevada.fitness/talktoatrainer
Youtube/Podcast - @roycelaguerta
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/roycelaguerta/#
Connect with Gabi!
Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/GabiKoyenovProductions
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/journey_with_gabi/
Book a session - themenstherapystudio.com
00:00 Introduction and Guest Overview
00:30 Sponsorship and Support
01:15 Royce's Journey to Becoming a Life Coach
02:59 The Influence of Family on Royce's Career
11:14 The Philosophy of Coaching vs. Therapy
18:46 Defining the Role of a Coach
27:53 Personal Reflections and Family Dynamics
40:07 Reflecting on Family and Time
41:00 Healing Through Honest Conversations
42:06 Cultural Gaps and Communication
45:12 The Power of Setting Boundaries
46:08 Empathy in Difficult Conversations
47:32 Challenges of Leadership and Firing
56:07 Understanding Triggers and Coping Mechanisms
01:01:54 Exploring Flow State and Fitness
01:09:40 Final Thoughts and Farewell
Connect with Royce!
Nevada Fitness - https://www.nevada.fitness/talktoatrainer
Youtube/Podcast - @roycelaguerta
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/roycelaguerta/#
Connect with Gabi!
Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/GabiKoyenovProductions
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/journey_with_gabi/
Book a session - themenstherapystudio.com
00:00 Introduction and Guest Overview
00:30 Sponsorship and Support
01:15 Royce's Journey to Becoming a Life Coach
02:59 The Influence of Family on Royce's Career
11:14 The Philosophy of Coaching vs. Therapy
18:46 Defining the Role of a Coach
27:53 Personal Reflections and Family Dynamics
40:07 Reflecting on Family and Time
41:00 Healing Through Honest Conversations
42:06 Cultural Gaps and Communication
45:12 The Power of Setting Boundaries
46:08 Empathy in Difficult Conversations
47:32 Challenges of Leadership and Firing
56:07 Understanding Triggers and Coping Mechanisms
01:01:54 Exploring Flow State and Fitness
01:09:40 Final Thoughts and Farewell
Hello friends. In this episode, I sit down with Royce, look, Huerta. Royce is a fitness and life coach, founder of the Nevada fitness center and host of the coaches podcast. You can check out Royce in the description. his links are there. As well as it was just an incredible conversation, we talked about all sorts of topics getting into Rose's story and Royce's philosophy. And what coaching is, we got into some discussion about therapy versus coaching. It was just a fascinating conversation all around. Go ahead and enjoy it. Additionally, this podcast is made possible by the men's therapy studio. Are you feeling lost or overwhelmed as you try to navigate your place in this world? Well, you're not alone. The men's therapy studio is here for clients like you struggling to figure out the big questions in life. About career relationships, heartbreak, and who you want to be. it takes your challenges seriously in a world that often doesn't in this modern life. go ahead and book a session online or reach out via email or phone. And we'll be happy to hear from you. A Patrion page is finally available. If you would like to support this podcast and receive some extra content such as live Q and a and a live community, you can go ahead and subscribe and yes. Thank you. Looking forward to seeing you there.
Track 1:Welcome to another episode of the podcast. I'm here with Royce, a life coach. I'm really excited to talk to you and sit down with you, man. Um, first, I guess, introduce yourself.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah. I'm pumped that you called me a life coach because it's really evolved into that, right? I used to be a trainer and then it became a, like a group training coach and really just naturally evolved into becoming this like holistic coach, which is what you want to call a life coach in general, right? They're leveraging other sources of other coaches and then formulating in a way to help someone move from point A to point B. So yeah, I'm a business owner. Uh, I have two facilities here in Las Vegas. We also have our own podcast, which is called The Coaches. And, uh, it's really involved. In more of conversations, just like what you have. So conversations with coaches for coaches to really help others. Right. So that's really the intention and, um, I'm pumped. I'm pumped that, that I'm actually on the other side of this. So this is the first one. This is the first one, Yoni, actually, I've never, I haven't done one on the other end.
Track 1:Oh, wow. Okay.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Oh, gosh, I just called you Yoni, bro.
Track 1:Yeah, I caught that for a second. I was like,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah, sorry, Gabby, my fault. Yeah, but Yoni introduced us, so that's why I'm like, and I gotta sit here in a little bit.
Track 1:no, that's cool. I mean, the first thing that I want to ask you, you mentioned, um, that coaches kind of do this thing. Um, and I kind of want to understand that a bit more. And you also mentioned your background was in fitness. I definitely want to hear how that evolved into what it is today, but tell me about like the different areas of discipline that come together to create coaching.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah, I mean, can I start with the story? Cause it all, it would all make sense. And the moment you asked me that question, I had to formulate kind of backwards. You know, and then it starts to make sense. Like a lot of times, We think everything has to make sense at the start, but sometimes it makes sense when you just reflect back. So, so I was raised in Philippines. I moved here when I was six, six and a half. So my father was the one that brought us here, but in order for him to bring us here, he had to leave us. And in Philippines for for six years, so I didn't have an opportunity to meet my father for for that long. Right? So majority of my childhood was with my mom. And I don't know if you had a mother like this, but I had a mother like this that would essentially do everything for everyone. Except for herself, you know, she made the food. She cleaned that she even cleaned my bed, you know, and she would, she would leave work in moments where I'm sick and she would pick me up and then take care of me and then go back to work. That was the type of mom that I had, you know, she was also the mom that would cook this elaborate meal and wouldn't touch her meal until everyone was finished and everyone had seconds. That was the type of mom. She was very selfless. She was very caring. Right. But later stages in, in her life, I started to notice that she took care of, of everybody except herself. So naturally she started to kind of, you know, become a little bit more stressed, increased a little bit of some weight and so on and so forth. So that's one aspect to it. And I also had a father that was. extremely smart, you know, someone that had an architect degree and engineering degree and every and he understood everything about computers. He built his own computers. So he was, he was extremely smart. However, he lacked the ability to teach. So the way he taught was like, just do this, do that, do this, dig these holes, lift these bricks, put these wires together. And, uh, it wasn't the most pleasing environment. My dad was tough. It was like, you're supposed to learn these things. He never really taught. He's just showed. So there was so, so looking back, I had a combination of a mom that really cared wholeheartedly about everyone, anyone except herself. And then I had a father that was extremely intelligent, but lacked the ability to teach. So naturally now I look back and I'm like, man. I became someone that the gap I became the gap, right? Someone that really cared about people. But I also didn't want to be like my dad. I wanted to be able to teach. I wanted to be able to coach. I wanted to take something that was so complex and then simplify it in a way that they can do it themselves instead of just like, Hey, do this, dig a hole. Pick up the bricks, the wires. So, so a lot of the frustrations became my origin story for the most part. So as I started going into college, my mom kind of had this like identity death almost. Like she didn't have anybody to take care of. So what she would do is kind of embarrassing, but she would, she would, she would cook food, she would buy groceries, and then she would knock. I was in a fraternity at the time. She would knock on my fraternity, uh, dorm room. And then my, and then my, my fraternity brothers be like, Royce's your mom's here again, man. Right. And I was like, oh gosh, but then they loved her. They're because she would bring some food for them too.
Track 1:Heck yeah, college guys need
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah. They were like, let's go. Royce's mom is here. I was like, mom, get out,
Track 1:Right.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:get out of here. So, uh, so that, that happened for, for nearly four years, but I just noticed, I was like, mom, you don't have to take care of me. You can take care of yourself. Like I got this, you know, and you telling that to someone, uh, often they don't necessarily react right away. Unconsciously, what I Because it because I didn't have such an impact and just telling telling her now to do that I did I did the the next thing that I knew would be would be impactful and that's lead by example. Okay, then I'm gonna take care of myself So well so that she can understand that she can take care of herself as well as well, too So I started to really take care of myself at a high level Right. The, the fitness side I took, I took super seriously. So I started getting into nutrition. I started getting to diet. I started getting to psychology, right? Changed my major a hundred times from pre med, pre architecture, pre pharmacy, but landed into a dietician degree, right? Only to find out that, uh, I only worked with patients that didn't want to be worked on.
Track 1:hmm.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:So, uh, that, that was the real, the revelation in college. So I ended up just training, you know, I wanted to go into a master's program. So I decided, I decided to move to, to Las Vegas to get a master's program and UNLV took a part time job training. And, uh, lo and behold, I didn't realize that I can get paid for. for telling people to, to sweat more, you know, to, to, to kind of have these painful moments, but I know those painful moments have massive change. So I was directing that component of their life and I got paid for it. It was something that yeah, it was something that I truly, truly, truly enjoyed. And I was like, I can't believe I'm, I'm getting paid for this. It felt criminal. Because I it was just it was truly something that I truly loved, right? So I did this for three four years and I became I'd be I don't want to like brag But I became one of the top trainers really quickly, you know started getting super super super busy So I had a lot of reps seeing so many different types of people and I And when you're training, you have, you don't have them for a season, especially if you're a great trainer, you have them for a long time, maybe a year, two years, three years. And in that one year, two years, you start to experience things that you would experience with a family member. You know, they would lose people that they love. You know, they would lose their job, they would get a heart attack, uh, geez, they would break up with their relationship. So you started seeing these other almost dichotomies in their life. As you're training them. And naturally, like the caring part of me from my, my mother's side was like, oh, I wanna be able to help that side. If they're going through grief, how do I, how do I help them through that? Aside from just fitness, because fitness did play a role in, in healing them, but not entirely. So I started diving into grief. I started diving into, uh, loss. I started diving into psych psychology, and then there's these, then I'll get, I'll get. Business owners. A majority of my clients were business owners. It was like, what is a business owner started diving into entrepreneurship. I died, started diving into their stresses, their anxiety. I started diving into anxiety. I was like, how do I, how do I do that? Because if you truly want to be a trainer that is extremely effective, it's not just the reps you're accounting. Right? It's, it's, it's the reps that they're doing out there and how they're handling that. And if you can have some sort of an impact to that, you can be extremely dangerous as a coach. So, so
Track 1:I just want to ask you, um, I saw you make this David Goggins style video on Instagram, uh, where you were running
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Oh yeah.
Track 1:with like a whole weight vest and saying, uh, talking about training and this idea that it's not just about certain results. It's about this mindset and, um, you know, and about you challenging yourself, being the best that you could be. Um, I don't want to misquote it, but I want to ask you, how do you impart that mentality onto these people? Okay.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:the whole thing that you're talking about is instead of trying it, train the whole trying and training concept. That's one, there's a few words that I really dislike and I try to admit into my own vocabulary. One of them is trying. Another one is can't, and then another one is you should, right? So, those are the three big, but we'll really just go into trying. And, the whole trying concept to me is, it, they're just not all in. You know, it's, it's one of the biggest things that I get as, as, a trainer and as a coach. It's like, I am trying to lose weight. You know, I am, I have been trying to train three, three times a week. Like, it frustrates me a little bit. Because trying is Is not all in, you know, you're like, you're, you're, you're toes in, but you're not completely diving into the water, but training is a lifestyle. And training is more of a habitual thing that you consistently practice over and over and over again. So then the training is also more focused in the process and trying is, is kind of more focused on the results. They're trying to get to that end point, but that end point is going to move training is just, it's just what you do. So, so we, I leverage that in every aspect of life. Like I try to train everything. So what I mean by that is yes, we train three times a week, four times a week, five times a week. But I also was like, okay, what are we going to do for training? Your, your anxiousness. How are we gonna, how are we going to train for that? Because you seem to be super anxious all the time, right? So it's like, and then the, and we give them, a few suggestions, right? These are some things you can do. You can practice breath work. You can foam roll. You can get recovery work from a massage therapist. How many times a week are you going to do that? You know, we and we train that. And we it's not just a single event. It's like, okay, do I just see my massage therapist once and that's it? I was like, Nope. Right? How are we going to include this? How are we going to systemize this? If If we can, because that's, that's what I'm more interested in. That's why I hone into, into more in terms of, uh, getting somebody from point A to point B.
Track 1:So creating systems around a certain lifestyle and like trying to give ways on how that can be achieved.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah. Optimizing for that.
Track 1:So I'm trying to understand though, I'm like thinking of a specific example in my head of somebody that I know that is trying to lose weight and they phrase it as trying, if I would tell them this, they would be so offended if I would say like, Hey, don't stop the trying. You need to be training and be all in. Um, you know, and, you know, I, I guess like phrasing it in that way can be offensive to some people, like, instead of trying, you should be training. So, like, have you come across people that, that feel similarly that it is offensive and like,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah.
Track 1:you do?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Dude, you will, you will offend someone. And you know, a lot of times when I, when I say those things, I'm just talking to my old self. So, so I wish someone would have offended me because if you were offended, there's some sense of truth behind it. If, if I was like Gabby, you have blue hair. Would you be offended? Because it's not true, right? It wouldn't even bother you. So,
Track 1:Unless you meant I'm a liberal.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:yeah, yeah. But if someone said something and then you had some sort of emotional attachment to it, there's something truth about it, you know? So that, for the feeling of feeling offended, there's two scenarios. One, it's just gonna disconnect them from me and they're never gonna see me again. Or two, they're gonna go internal and be like, maybe he's right. Maybe there is something. And I I've come to realize that as you start helping people, you actually, actually also might hurt people along the way and not in a, in, in like an intentional format, they just might take your concept and just be like, just use it to be a disadvantage. And I'm sure you've, you've probably had some form of, of that scenario when you try to help someone and someone just bashes you for it and you're just like, it is what it is. Or it's like, man, that, that was hurtful.
Track 1:um, I'm trying to think, like, I separate, I think, between my personal life and my professional life as a therapist. there's something called transference where a client takes a certain projection of someone in their mind, and then they project it onto you and that could be positive or negative, you know, they can project either a figure that they very much liked and then they think, oh, you're brilliant and you're so kind and you're generous and all, all these amazing things, or it could be like, for the negative and you just remind them of someone you hate and they're like, oh, you're an idiot, this, that, whatever. So I have been subject to that a few times, uh, which is like always fun, but most of the time, not most of the time as a therapist, I'm very much listening there and present with the client. And most of the time it goes very well. And I, I can't say I offend anyone, but with my, in my personal life, with my friends and family, this is just me. I don't know. I could be wrong. I'm very much a huge proponent of, like, tough love, and when you really care about someone, and you see them messing up in a specific way, you tell them. If you genuinely care about that person, and they're your friend or family member, like, you know, you'd say, like, Hey, you know, I really You know, I love you and I care about you, but when you talk in the specific, like when you say that line and it really rubs me the wrong way, or I think it makes you look like a certain way, um, might make you look stupid or it might make you look arrogant. Like I'll tell them and they might get offended, but most of the time they know that I love them and it's coming from that place, so
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah, I
Track 1:But yeah,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:I think you touched up on something. It takes time to be able to speak to someone at that level. I don't speak to every client and be like, yo, you need to stop trying and start training. Right. It ironically, my first, probably the first 36 sessions with my clients, if you did a count of how many times I tell them to do something, you'll probably find that it's less than 10%, 90 percent of our conversations is questions. I want to get to know my athlete all the way from what they do when they wake up all the way to what they do till they go to sleep. What keeps them up at night? Like what's, what are some of their, Big accomplishments. And I want to know everything about them. And, and I actually, I don't, I don't have the David Goggins moments as often as, as most would think. And, uh, and that's intentional, but a lot of times, like I'll, I want, when I create some of that content, it's just more of reminding for me and for some, it might help them for some, it might offend them, but the intention is it's, it's weird, it's selfishly for me.
Track 1:Right. I just have to say, I love that humility and I love that almost like self amusement aspect to it. And it's still helpful, you
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah. So I think coaches, there's two. So can we define the term coach real quick?
Track 1:yeah, sure.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Because I like, I like defining terms because the way we see it also affects how we use it. Right? So it's like you can have a wrench, a person will use it as a weapon. Or, or, or they'll use that wrench to tighten up a bolt. So a coach, I like to have some context around this term. So I created a definition for my coaches. Cause once you start having 10 or 20 people, you need to have a defined term. Otherwise you're going to think a coach is different, but our definition for a coach is a, a person who utilizes a vehicle. That trans, that transports a valuable asset from point A to point B, and I'll break this down here in a little bit, but in a nutshell, if you go to type in coach, you'll, you'll find that in the 1800s, they had these carriages, they had these horses, they had these fancy people wearing fancy dresses, and they would go from point A to point B, the coach actually inside that, um, term is, is just the carriage, right? Right. So, and they, and if you were, if you were fancy enough, if you are valuable enough, you can afford going into that carriage and then you wouldn't have to do most people had to walk, right? Most people had to actually ride the horse. They weren't fancy enough. So there's three components that I tell my coaches about this whole term. So one, they have, they have a particular vehicle they're using. Right. So whether it's therapy, whether it's, uh, CrossFit, whether it's personal training, whether it's yoga, right, like they have a vehicle to get someone from point A to point B. So that's the vehicle. What vehicle are you using to get your, your, your person from point A to point B? The other thing is there has to be a point B, right? So I mean, it doesn't have to be, but I'd like, I think our coaching term, there has to be an end goal and it doesn't have to be so defined where it's like so concrete. It just like, I just want to feel better, right? I just want to lose 10 pounds. I just want to lose weight. It just, the more con like defined it is, they, it's. The better, I think, but it doesn't necessarily have to be extremely defined at first, but there has to be a definite B. Otherwise you're just there to cheerlead, which is tough for me. And there's nothing wrong with that type of coaching too. You're just motivating, you're clapping your hands, but I find it to be draining. You're not leveraging all of your skills and your, your tools and your wisdom to be able to help someone. Right. So, and then the other side is valuable asset. Every coach, at least the ones that I think that are extremely Effective, see their clients as valuable. And when you are value, when, when you see them as valuable, instead of trying to fix them, instead of trying to heal them, you, you have, at least for me, I want to serve them, which is an entirely different feeling when you have, when you have that practitioner and client interaction. Right? I wanna serve them as, as at the highest level. I don't need to fix anything. These people are perfect, but how can I serve them? Right? So, so that is like my definition of what, what a coach is. Mm-Hmm,
Track 1:love that so much, by the way. Um, I want to focus on that, that value concept. Um, there was a person called Carl Rogers. Are you familiar with Carl, Carl Rogers? So he was a very famous psychologist and, um, he kind of influenced even, even to modern day, he, he created the humanistic person centered model in therapy and. I think they find in studies that 70 percent of the results in therapy come from his brain. Kind of like innovation to therapy. And I'll explain what that is. Like before Rogers, there was sort of like this whole Freud psychodynamic movement where the practitioner, the therapist was the expert and they're trying to very much fix this broken client. And Rogers kind of did the exact opposite where he said, look, this client is, they know what's best for them. And my whole job is to be here, this, this nurturing, reflective, empathetic, like, authentic being that they can talk to and bounce off of. And like, through that listening, through that unconditional positive regard, um, through reflection, you know, they can begin to recognize within themselves. That they are actually, uh, you know, that valuable thing that the therapist sees in them, they are this valuable being. Um, and I, I'm probably not wording it exactly correctly, like how he would say it or how other therapists might say it, but like, that's that very similar idea of like, Hey, a human being is like, so endlessly valuable and infinite and incredible. And like, when you're able to see your client in that way, And listen to them genuinely and understand like, Hey, they, they might know what's best. Um, it's not a matter of like fixing or broken. It's about helping them get through those stages of development that they're in and, and helping them self actualize fully,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:A hundred percent.
Track 1:Yeah. So I, I just love that, that you put it that way with that, like seeing the value in your client. And I think also like maybe the difference between some people that might go to coaching versus going to therapy. Correct me if I'm wrong, I don't really know much about coaching, but I would think like, you know, you kind of mentioned that point A to point B, like, you know, if you have somebody that really wants to achieve certain goals, either in business, fitness, relationships, whatever it is. So maybe like, at that point, going to a coach is more beneficial where like, they can hold them accountable and do whatever coaches do and help them get to that point A to point B. Versus like a therapist, I feel like a lot of my clients that come to me, um, there is a lot of anxiety and turmoil either within their relationships or just personal life. And you know, they're really seeking help. They're really seeking these abilities to like cope with their stressors and either whether it's depression or anxiety. And it's like, I use. Personally, like clinically proven techniques that I learned through school and other training programs afterwards, uh, in specific modalities to help them, you know, and I'm like learning hypnotherapy now, which is really cool. Fascinating.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah. Yeah. I, I look at, I mean, coaching on the coaching side, I, if I can define it or just kind of see it in its perspective, and again, I could be extremely wrong and, and therapists and, and life coaches or business coaches, they all. They blend into one sometimes,
Track 1:Yeah, I'm sure they
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:but I, I have a bias where I feel like life coaches really focus more on the future side of things and therapists really focus more on really kind of just giving a different definition of what the past is so you can leverage so you can leverage what that past and really, really cultivated as power, right? So, so that's just how I see it differently. And I use some of that. Don't get me wrong, right? To, to really help elevate my, my clients to go for, for their next place. And there is a shadow side to this, uh, coaching definition, right? Just because the coach doesn't get the person from point A to point B doesn't make them not a coach, right? So you could either, you, you become essentially just a bridge, right? Which is super valuable. You become the pavement, right? Even the bad coaches or even the unnoticeable coaches. are actually really, really important. And what I mean by that is like, you're, you're reading teacher, your math teacher, I don't even know what their names are, right? You're science teacher. but but understanding how to read, understanding how to, to write, understanding how to do math, understand how to do experiments are all integral coaches for me to do what I do now, right? So, so like those coaches are also extremely, that's why I'm, I love coaches. That's why we call The coaches podcast because in a nutshell, it's a collection of other coaches that help other people So
Track 1:love that. Yeah.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:yeah, it's interesting.
Track 1:And also it's funny you brought up the future orientation versus the past orientation. And I actually, I, I do agree with that. Uh, you know, I hadn't thought about it in that lens. I think I would also add now with how much mindfulness is coming into the field and how important that is. It's definitely also, uh, being able to just help a client live in the present moment, you know, and, and be able to be okay with that. Um,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:and that's where I think our major common commonality is Nothing can change until you you just take them into that that practical moment. Everything is ancient in that moment. So
Track 1:right. Exactly.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:yeah I love that part.
Track 1:Thanks. Um, anyway, so you were in the middle of describing how your mom and your dad and this very interesting, almost polar opposite dynamic. Where your mom was very heavily involved and present and your dad, not so much. Um, and your mom had this very big, caring, compassionate heart while your dad had this very strong brain, but you know, it wasn't exactly there fully. Like you, you find yourself to have fallen somewhere in between, which you feel eventually led you into coaching. Um, I kind of want to understand that more. Like, how did you kind of pick up? And I think it's incredible that you're able to look back and recognize, Hey, I had these two incredible parents with these incredible strengths and you were kind of able to blend that, like, how did that happen? And then how do you feel like you bring that into coaching?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:So I think this is where the therapy starts, the power of therapy. So, but my life, my life coach, his name was Jim and he was a, he was an amazing life coach, but we started everything through therapy. And for the longest time, at least a quarter of my life, I've, I've hated my dad, hated him, right? Just like I, I'm going to do everything to prove him that I can, I can succeed without him. And for the most part I did, right? So I brought, I brought my, My father up at one point, he's like, okay, like what's tell me what your parents are like. And I was like, what are we talking about my parents? I want to talk about my goals. I just want to know, you know, I just, I want to know kind of how you were raised. And, and I started to speak, and then I started to talk about my father, how he never was happy. Right. He was never, he was never happy about my grades. I'd get straight A's. I got Dean's list. At one point I became one of the top athletes a few times, not every single game, but there was a few games where I, where I was had impressive numbers, you know, but I would bring it up and, and, and nothing.
Track 1:What sport was this by the
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Basketball, right, but also soccer. So I did, I scored a lot of goals. I scored a lot of points, but, but anyways, I would bring them, bring some of these things up in hopes that I would be seen. And, uh, now, now at first I didn't, it was like, my dad doesn't see me. My mom sees me. My dad never sees me. In fact, my dad really focused more on my little brother. he did nothing, right? He was in and out of juvie. He got, you know, like he got in trouble a few times. DUIs, car accidents, and he just got, he never got good grades and he focused on him so much and yeah,
Track 1:So I just want to understand, when you say focused, do you mean like, he focused on him because he was a problem and like, kind of like the squeaky wheel that needed to be oiled? Or was it like, he just loved him despite all of his shenanigans?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:I thought, I thought he loved him more. Right. But I had this scenario in my business career where. Where we grew and I stopped taking care of the guys that were like the top of the top. I knew they could handle it themselves. And then there was this scenario, we had almost a falling out. We actually then they were just like, dude, you just never talk to me. You never talk to me. It's like we used to take, we used to do these one-on-ones all the time, and you just stopped. And, and then I told them, I was like, Hey, like I, the reason why I don't talk to you is because I know you would do you, you're gonna be fine without me. I want to spend time with this coach, because he needs me the most. And my absence is not an indication of disrespect. It's an actually an indication of massive respect. So I had that revelation that my dad did the same thing. And to, to, to, make sure that that was true. I asked him, I was like, Dad, why did you focus on him? Why did you? Why? Why did you even like, think about me? And, and he paused and actually started to kind of like tear up a little bit. And he was like, I already knew you were going to be fine. The moment, the moment I met you, you just had that personality. And he was like, you're so independent. You're so brilliant. I don't need to talk to you. And I, I just had that epiphany. And then the part of that life coach series was whatever you're the most angry about. The second question you need to ask is why do you, what's, what's the thing that you love the most? And it was so ironic to me, right? So it was like, he was asking me something that I really loved about my dad, but at the same time, I was so angry. And I realized I love the fact that there's, there's these layers of time and acknowledgement and teaching that I, that I, that I missed out on, right? Those are some things that I really loved that I wish he would have, he would have gave some of that. I wish he would have taught me the engineering side. Right, I wish he would have taught me the aquaponic side, how he's able to use both of his hands and draw, like I wanted to learn that, but he never did.
Track 1:Whoa, what? He could draw with two hands at the same time?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Same time, bro. Like in Philippines, you're not allowed to use your left hand. So he's left hand dominant. And actually, so you'll see him sketch, architectural sketch, and he will do math on the right hand. Freaks me out. But, but yeah, he was brilliant. And I'm just like, teach me, teach me, teach me, teach me, you know? And that's something that I love. I think it's just innate in my nature. I like to learn things. And the things that anger me the most were the things that I didn't get, you know? But his, but then I, and then I just keep exploring. It was like that he's doing his best, the best, like what, what, what he had as a father was a kajillion times worse than what I had as a father, you know, back in that day, it was, it was not a bell. You got the hand, right? You might've got worse. So, and, and that's just the facts. I think my dad held back in ways that his dad did it. So, and the way he would do it, he would just yell and he would leave. You know, throw a tantrum, right? And that's like, and he would just disappear. That was his, his, his method. And now it's like, it's, it's a lot different for me now. I get it. And I love him for it because it created, it created this, this vessel, this version of me, you know? So, uh, it's crazy.
Track 1:Yeah, it is. It's wild. And I think like, as you said that kind of what came to me is, I feel like, And you can correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like that experience was a big motivator and fuel for you and that anger and that's part of the reason you were able to push yourself so hard and so far to achieve these like massive successes you were able to achieve.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yes.
Track 1:Um, and at a certain point, perhaps you realize that like, and it's good that you, I'm not even sure, but it seems like you came to a point where you were able to forgive him and accept that he did try his best. And yet, and not let that anger stop you or ruin your, ruin your continued life, you know, because I feel like so often we develop these coping skills and these coping mechanisms at times in our life where they're essential and we need them and then they overrun their course and we can't let go. And I noticed with certain overachievers where they have that. And they had to get out of a really difficult spot where they were in life. And they're constantly just like, I'm not enough. I, this isn't enough. I need more. And they're just like, just to get themselves out of that state of desperation. And then once they're out of it, now they're like overwhelmed with stress to the point where there are people that are even having physical, like somatic, um, like stomach issues, headaches, migraines, backaches from that not being able to like, just like, Hey, I'm enough. Let me enjoy the moment. You know, I did enough here. So I just. You know, it seems like you were able to achieve that where you use that anger and then you were able to like tap back and like forgive and like, you know, be able to, to accept a new reality. Um, first of all, does that sound accurate to you?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:it's 100 percent accurate and I want, I want to just tap, just add to that really quick because it might seem like I went from, from anger to like forgiveness, but that took, that took a few seasons, a few sessions, uh, but, but I think a lot of times people will see that I went from anger almost like in a snapshot. Sometimes that anger will happen. Like I probably brought him up. More than nine sessions in our, in our time together. Right. So like it went from anger to just awareness. I didn't even know I was mad at him. You know, I kind of just blocked him out awareness and then eventually to acceptance and then eventually to just like reason and then, and then now I love him. I love him. I like, I want to spend time with him. We have more in, in common than I realize he understands me, which is so weird. Right. So, so, and then there's, I want to add just, just one more thing, if that's okay. Right? I had this epiphany, and for those parents out there that struggle and are anxious about how to raise their kid, one of the things that he said to me was, there are going to be some things that your parents did that you loved that are going to put you in a massive disadvantage, and then there's going to be some things that your parents did that you hate that has given you significant advantages. So knowing that it gave me a sense of peace that I can make mistakes with my son that the some of the stuff that I will like truly like, like I'm spending more time with them, you know, I'm teaching them all of the ways like that might be a disadvantage for him as well, right? So it's really interesting. Just gives me a sense of peace, a sense of grace that I don't have to be perfect as a parent because my dad thought he was perfect and he wasn't and and vice versa. Because the stuff that my mom did. massive levels of caring. Guess what? I took that on. I took care of every single person except myself and I burned out, right? I got depressed and I got anxious. So like those are some disadvantages. Another disadvantage was she was perfect. So all of my relationships with women had to be perfect. Otherwise it was a no go. So, so I held them into these standards that were unrealistic. So it created a lot of these, these, these relationship problems because I, cause I, I, I, I use my mom as the standard, right? So I wanted to go off tangent on that, but I thought that was, that was an important revelation for me. So,
Track 1:no, I love that actually. And I think like, now I think a lot of things, I mean, I want to get back to this whole, um, I guess dynamic with women and how that kind of like resolved itself for you, especially when your mom put such a high standard on you, but like, I guess like with your dad, what I, what I wanted to ask you, you already started getting into it is how did you, like, what, what did that process look like? I know you mentioned that first came awareness and that that's like a huge step, you didn't even know you were angry at him. Um, how did you get to the point that you can love him
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:yeah,
Track 1:after feeling so furious with him?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:it's a lot, it's a lot of life coach sessions for sure. One of, one of them was, I think, this is why I love asking questions, right? This is why I love, I love, one of our values is curiosity, like the best, which is ask questions. You're asking questions right now that are so great, by the way, but it unlocks everything. It unlocks everything. So one of the questions my life coaches, my life coach gave me was how many times do you see your parents and I was like, maybe once a year. It's like, what is the average lifespan of of a human being? You know, it's like, I don't know if they're if they're if they're healthy, probably 75. Right? You're making it to the Olympics once you're hitting like the 85s and 95s. How old are your parents? And I was like, Oh, they're like 55. Right? Right. And I was like, okay, what's 75 minus 55? I was like, oh, 20, right? So, and then, he's like, so you're telling me you're gonna see your parents 20 more times. And it made me sad just to think about that. I was like, oh, crap, that's not, I'm only gonna see them 20 times. So I, so, so that question stunned me to be like, you know what, I need to see them at least twice this year. So that was the only action, and inside that action led to just a question, you know, just like just observing my father, right? And he's changed, and you can tell he was tormented from the way he raised us, like I started to notice these things about him, like he was broken, he was, he was, he was like on eggshells, he didn't want to be the person that he was, and I started to notice things like that, and, and you know, it's, uh, eventually we had these conversations. We'd sit down.
Track 1:Wow.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Right.
Track 1:That's so powerful.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:But yeah, that's that's it. I guess it starts out small. And you just open the thread and you constantly work on yourself. And I'm still seeing that's why I still have coaches coaching me, Like you need if you want to heal a lot of people, you need to be constantly healed too. Because in the process of healing, you're hurting yourself sometimes, right? So you need someone else to heal you back. It's really interesting.
Track 1:That is fascinating. I mean, I, I had, um, Okay, like with my parents personally at certain times, it's definitely been very tough and you know, they're, they're immigrants from Uzbekistan and there was a big cultural gap. They're also much older than me. They had me in their forties and huge, huge, just age gap, culture gap. Like it was, it was bizarre. And. You know, I know for myself that being able to sit down and have these honest, mature conversations really went a long way with how we were able to talk to each other, you know, being able to sit down and tell them like, Hey, mom, probably, you know, when I, when I tell you stuff, I, I really care about you and your opinion really matters to me. And, you know, I would appreciate it if you told me like, you know, this, you know, that you can be more supportive of me. And. And kind of like, almost like tell them how I want it to be treated, how I want it to be talked to. And that was so powerful. And honestly, I didn't think it would work. I actually didn't think it would work. It happened just as an experiment. When I was in college, uh, getting my master's and I was learning about what's called a Mago therapy. Which is a type of couples counseling that focuses on communication and boundary setting basically. And just, it's, it's a way of speaking and communicating in a way that like encourages empathy. So I was just trying it out. I was like, Hey, I wonder if this is going to work. If I try this with my parents and I did it and it actually worked and I was, I was really shocked. And I had like another situation where with my friends, they canceled on me on a birthday party and I was really hurt, it was like my birthday party, I was to my best friends at the time and they canceled on me for whatever reason, I was so hurt by it. I can't even tell you. I was crying. I was so hurt. I was like 21. I just turned 21. Um, and it's two of my best, literally two of my best friends. So I decided I was going to try it because actually I spoke with a friend that was also a therapist that we, we were doing the same degree.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah.
Track 1:And he told me, he's like, wait, aren't you in school for this? Like, why don't you use these techniques and see what happens? And I did it. And literally. Like, I just told them, I was like, Hey, you know, I understand that you had your reasons for cancelling, you know, the way you guys did it. It just really hurt my, like, it really hurt me. And I consider you guys literally my best friends. And I was like, shocked that you did it almost in like a callous way. And I'm not saying this to like, beat up on you. I really care about you guys. But, um, you know, I just wanted to let you know that it really hurt me. And one of my friends legitimately, like, like, was, like, crying, and he was like, I'm so sorry, I didn't even realize that it was, like, that it hurt you like that, I wasn't thinking about it, but you're right. And the other one got a little defensive, and I was like, listen, I'm not here to, like, to beat up on you, I'm just telling you this is how it made me feel, like, I understand you had your reasons canceled, but, like, you could have done it tactfully, you know, this is my 21st birthday. And then, anyways, they totally made it up to me. And that was my first very powerful lesson on how having honest and real conversations with people you love, not like I'm trying to hurt you, not whatever the, just, this is, this is how it made me feel when you did this. And this is how I would kind of like for you to react in the future and in a caring, loving way, but firm, that kind of boundary setting goes so far. And it's crazy with friends, family, like that's who we should be, you know, setting strong boundaries with.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:On that technique, you're talking about the empathy. What's what are some of the key things you have to do when you're when you're when you're about to kind of relay your experience? Do you? Do you ask a ton of questions? Like, what's the Is there like a template? What did
Track 1:That's such a great question. Yeah, um, using the imago practice, one of the first things you do is you ask them, Hey, um, I kind of want to speak to you. Is there a good time to talk? And you pull them aside. So that's like the first thing. So like you set a space that they know something's going on and whatever. That's what I did both with my parents and with my friends. You know, I didn't just spring it up on them. I kind of told them, Hey, there's something on my chest that I want to tell you about. Is there a good time to talk? And then we set a time and that's what we did. Then it's all about being vulnerable, expressing your feelings, and you're going to want to avoid criticism. If you say like, um, that was, you're so inconsiderate that you canceled on my birthday, like people get shut off. You're even if you're right, even if you're a hundred percent, right. People will just get completely shut off and become defensive. and one of the best ways to, to elicit empathy is to start with empathy yourself. So it's like kind of how with my friend example, you know, I started off saying, Hey, I understand you guys had your reasons to cancel and I'm, that's like, you know, I'm not upset, like kind of like understanding their perspective. When you understand their perspective first, they're much more likely to come and try to understand your perspective. And then it's just about being real, no insult. It's just when you did this thing. I felt XYZ way, you know, when you canceled on my party in like, without really telling me any reason, it really hurt me because I considered you guys my best friends and I, I just kind of didn't expect that from you and it was a shock, you know what I mean? So kind of like no criticism. It's just, this is, this is how I felt. This was all my experience. And if they start arguing with you, you just say, listen, I'm not here to, to insult you, to criticize you. I really care about you. And this is why I'm telling you because it made me feel hurt. And I know that as my friend or my family member. You don't want me to feel hurt, you know, you want me to feel okay. And if they tell you, no, I don't care about your feelings, I don't care if you're hurt, you know you should be cutting that person off. You
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. It made me remind there's the hardest part of business is firing someone that is the hardest and it still is the hardest for me in the span of my decade in business. I fired like six people and it's always been so hard. I can still remember the feeling of each one, but the first time wasn't the best. The second time wasn't the best at their time, but as you start to get kind of used to it and I noticed that little Mago technique is very similar to how I fire people now. Yeah. and it's like, it's you, you, you set a stage. Hey, what's your time here? Can we meet? I'd love to talk. Right. And the second part, it's really interesting. I started to just naturally develop this. I don't know if it's an Imago technique, but I attack myself. It's really interesting. And, and on, it's almost on every conversation they try to help me. And what I mean by that is here's how, here's, I position it. Hey, Gabby, like, I want to start this conversation. First off. Because I don't think I was the best, best leader for you. And I think I failed you in so many ways. And I, and I want to first apologize about that. And what ends up happening is they go into their defense. They, they defend you. They're like, no, no, no, no, no. It's like, I think I'm like, it's no, you're great. Great. This, this, that I just not into it. So they almost fire themselves in a way from, from this scenario, because, because you do that. And I, and also I do feel that I wasn't the best equipped to teach them x, y, and z. And that's why they failed. And I just want to ask you a question, if this is the right place for you, right? Do I do, am I doing something? Can I do something better to improve this scenario? Or maybe is there something else that you'd like to do? And it's very interesting when you set that, uh, that conversation that way. Because I feel like it's very similar, you know? And then again, they could blow up on you and be like, same place for you, man.
Track 1:Yeah. Right,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Or they, or they leave in and that's fine. Or they're just like, I, this is the place I want to be, but this is the stuff that's happening in my life. Right. So, and then I end up benching them for a little bit so they can take care of what they need to take care of. And then when you're ready to come back, let's do it. So yeah, it's really interesting. I like how you brought that up.
Track 1:Yeah, that's a cool technique. Um, I'll keep that in mind if I ever need to fire someone.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Dude, it's hard man.
Track 1:Yeah, it's tough. I would never look forward to it. It's hard. I can't even imagine. Cause it's like, this person's almost relying on you for their livelihood. And then it's like, that's sad.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:It is, dude. It's one of the hardest things. Like, it doesn't get talked about a lot. I I could care less if I don't have the ability to pay my own rent, but it breaks my heart when they can't pay theirs. So it's like, I would rather, I would rather sleep underneath the tree than them sleep underneath the tree.
Track 1:Yeah, I feel that. And that's what makes you such a good leader.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Dude, it's hard, man. But then, then, yeah, that just, I think that's one of the hardest parts as an entrepreneur is knowing that you have, um, other people's lives. You're, you're essentially helping them thrive, right? So it's really interesting.
Track 1:That is so tough. Oh, dude, but one more thing I want to add about the Amago thing before I move on, and just about setting boundaries and having good communication. First of all, actually, I highly recommend this book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, for anyone that's looking to learn more about setting boundaries.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:I'm putting it, I'm putting it on my list. I'm not texting. I promise.
Track 1:no, that's okay. Fantastic book.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:What is it called again? Set,
Track 1:One more time?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:set boundaries.
Track 1:Yeah, Set Boundaries, Fine Piece. My whole book collection just fell over. One second.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah,
Track 1:By Doctor, let me see, one second. Sorry, I don't want to butcher this, um, Doctor Nedra Glover Tawwab. I hope I didn't say that wrong. Also, please come on my podcast. but what I wanted to say is it was so worth it to, to go ahead and, and have those conversations and set those boundaries. I think a lot of people give up so easily. Um, you know, maybe cut off their parents or, you know, unfriend those friends, that friend, like one of the, both of those friends. Went on to be literally my, like, we became even closer from that and we went on to be best friends. And one of them, like the first one that was like, went into tears and really was like, dude, I really never meant that. Like, I really understood how much he truly cared about me at that moment. And we were, I can't even explain to you. He was with me through my rock bottom moments. Like literally when I was feeling really low in my life, like he was there with me as like a loyal friend. And it's like, imagine that if I, and I've literally, I thought about it. I literally was like, I want to cut these people off. I don't want to be their friends anymore. Like, I think about that and it's like, would have been such a loss, you know, having a good friend is priceless. So it's like, if we learn to have these kinds of conversations that can improve our friendships and be honest and vulnerable and real and connect. Like, first of all, that'll help us throughout our life when we have challenges just to be able to, you know, amend those things. And second of all, it's like, dude, don't give up on relationships. They're so valuable and necessary,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah.
Track 1:you know?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:In the path of hard conversations, I've noticed when you have them, there's two scenarios, right? The two scenarios that ends up happening is either have a breakup or you have a breakthrough. And I think some of the strongest relationships. are not in the absence of hard conversations. They're actually in abundance of hard conversations. But those hard conversations return these deeper connections, these deeper understanding, like it's really hard to be mad at someone when you truly understand that person. If you were that person, like themselves, you like became that person, all of a sudden, you wouldn't be mad, right? So but in order to find that out, you got to have hard conversations. And I agree, like some of my best friends. So many fights, right? So like the weaker connections, one criticism and they can't take it right. Or one, one, one suggestion, they can't take it. So, and that's, and that's fine. Like it's maybe, maybe I just didn't, wasn't equipped enough to be able to, to teach something, or maybe I'm not the coach for that. For that time of their, of their life, right? So I like the hard conversations are a game changer. Have more of them.
Track 1:Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So important. Anyways, I'm going to have to actually leave in about 10 ish minutes. Um, are there things that we want to continue to talk about or stories that we need to, um, close a knot on?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:I mean, I, I can't think of anything, right? So
Track 1:Um, do you want to talk about like porn addiction at all?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:porn addiction, the important issue would take me 10 minutes.
Track 1:Yeah, right. That is going to be long.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:have to do that on another episode. Cause I want to practice that still. Right.
Track 1:Yeah. Yeah. Um, you know, it's funny. I actually, I think I told you this when we were meeting on the phone, I had stopped. I wouldn't say I was ever addicted to porn or masturbation, but I did cut myself off from watching porn for like five years plus it might've even been six years actually. And then I had literally, I think this is the craziest thing. I stopped masturbating for like four and a half years. It was insane. It was such an insane challenge. I think, like, the amount that it taught me about myself. Um, to be able to like, it, it, it was, it was nothing short of godly. You know what, it, it, the closest I could compare it to is you take cold showers. So, you know that feeling of like, yeah, you just did the impossible, like it was so cold and you just like overcame it, you know what I mean? It's like, it's almost kind of like that, like all the time, because it's like, painful and nagging, because it's like a real need, and then it's like, you overcome it, and it's like, godly in a way. Does that make sense?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:It does. Yeah. There's something. Yeah, There's something that I teach, uh, my nutrition coaches and it's called halt habits. And you get a person that's trying to lose a lot of weight, there's very common triggers that get them to do these negative habits, like eat junk food, drink alcohol, masturbate, right, all of those things. So, and we call them HALT habits because it's an acronym. It's H is for hunger, right? A is for either angry or anxious. Right. We kind of combine them too, but it doesn't have to be combined. Uh, L is for loneliness or you can call it depression, right? And then T is tiredness. So it's just your physical energy or it could be your mental energy. And I find I don't, I don't masturbate as often when I, when I'm not, when, when, when there's like, when I'm having interaction, like with people just in general, it doesn't even have to be a woman. When I feel lonely is what that triggers triggers for me.
Track 1:hmm, mm hmm,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:in a nutshell, like as I'm coaching these athletes to lose weight, I'm trying to optimize their, their life in a way where they can reduce those triggers, not avoid those triggers. Those triggers will happen, but if I can reduce their hunger. They're not going to binge eat as much, right? If I can reduce their ability to feel anxious or, or angry, they're not going to binge eat as much, or smoke a cigarette. Or if I can also give them suggestions on how to reduce their loneliness by finding communities. You know, joining a group, going to church, right? That reduces a lot of their, their negative habits. And then the, the tiredness thing is getting them to sleep. Like, what's your sleep routine? What's the first five things you do in the morning? Is it exciting? Is it draining? Right? Those are some things that I try to optimize for a person. And now that you bring that up, like, I know, because when we talked about this, you're like, I started to understand what are my triggers that get me to do that. It's when I'm alone, when I'm lonely. Would I don't have a sense of this connection with someone if I, if I, if I just, if I'm just always alone or I feel alone, that's my actual trigger. Nothing else.
Track 1:It's a huge trigger. Yeah.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah. So yeah. So if I optimize for seeing someone for a coffee or going to lunch with them just once a week, I don't, I don't do anything in that crazy,
Track 1:Yeah. That is insane. That, and that's amazing that you realize that I think for me, when I was on that journey of quitting, I was 19, I was like, I was 18, end of 18, uh, turning 19. When I started that journey, it took me a while to actually realize that it was so crazy. It took me maybe like 60 days to realize, Holy crap. I use this as a coping mechanism, like the, the masquerading in the form. I use it as a coping mechanism to deal with dysfunctionality in my life. Like I, I came up with this analogy because I got really into drinking coffee at the time that like coffee, sometimes it's really bitter, right? So you add the honey or the sugar or whatever sweetener you add in order to tolerate it. And I realized I was like, my life has a lot of really bitter aspects to it. And this thing is a coping mechanism. It's something that I use to sweeten it. And I, I never put two and two together, like I maybe like understood it like a little bit to the, um, to the degree that I was, I didn't realize because what happened after I was quitting, maybe after like 60 days or whatever, I don't remember exactly how long I realized that like my challenges in life felt unbearable and I didn't understand why does it feel so unbearable and obviously, you know, there's the willpower that it takes to, to succeed in such a challenge. There is the, you know, what else the willpower,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:hmm. Mm hmm.
Track 1:I always had like three things in my mind. There was the willpower and then there was the, um, the loss of the coping mechanism. There was the third thing also, but it's slipping my mind right now. Um, and so it's extremely draining, you know, to be able to, to, to achieve such a thing. And I realized from how difficult my life was being without this coping mechanism, I realized I was like, holy crap. I did not realize it. And, and allowing myself to discover these new, healthier coping mechanisms, like things that I was more. Comfortable with that were, was more productive to me. Um, was, was incredible. It was such an incredible learning process for myself.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:that's why I'm such a proponent to training and training has a layer of discomfort to it. You, you create this environment where stress is induced and that stress is restraining, right? So restraining and from, from porn or whatever, but you do it long enough, you start to notice things. It's like, it's like when you're squatting and you're squatting with a, an empty barbell, you might not see any dysfunction on the athlete. But the moment you start getting them to do 10 or 20, you start to see things. Or you put plates on it and you start to see things. And yeah, those are some things that I started to notice the moment I started to restrain myself. It's like, when are the moments? And it just becomes more obvious. When you don't train, the things that are obvious become camouflaged. So, but when you start to apply these restraints to yourself, you're like, you know what, I'm not going to have any caffeine for 10 days. You start to notice things. And those are the things that if you actually try to improve, ugh, your well being is just unreal. In, in, in ways you don't even know it affects you. Right? So, so yeah. Dude, we can go on about that. That's such a phenomenal topic, for
Track 1:Yeah. This idea of like learning about oneself through restraint, through pushing our boundaries, through embracing discomfort, it's a really fascinating conversation. I mean, there was a few things, a few others that I want to talk to you about flow state, um, and maybe there was a lot more to your story that we didn't get to, obviously,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:That's a good one. Yeah, we'll have to do it on another one. But yeah, you want to tap into flow state really fast?
Track 1:Um, if you'd like, maybe if you have like a quick thought on flow state,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:I think flow state is just anchoring to the present. You look at some of the best fighters in the world and you think it's just like UFC, for instance, you see these people, they run around in a circle, they tap their gloves, they're smelling it, they're, they're doing whatever their prayer is, is for me, I think tapping into flow state is just tapping into my five senses. How quickly can I tap into that? And If I can smell coffee, if I can just feel the roughness of the mic, I can, the, the leather on my chair, the sounds that the AC is making and how bright this light is, I, I get into the present moment and then I can tap in and it doesn't have to be long, you know, so it's, uh, it can be something so quick. So I think flow state, there's a lot of different ways people can get into flow state, but the, one of the best ways for me is just to anchor into. To what my, my skin can do, which is really interesting, you know,
Track 1:awesome.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:so, and I tap into it a lot of times into fitness too, because all you feel is pain. All you feel is your body in pain. Everything else is disconnected and then bam, you're to the present. So, but that's one that's, there's probably a lot of different ways to tap into it, but that's how I tap into mine.
Track 1:No, I love that. I love that. Um, I think also it's funny, like you mentioned the fitness aspect and you feel pain. I, I love working out. I work out four times a week. I do weight training. Um, I used to work out six days a week, but, uh, you know, with the wife and kids, it's a little harder. Uh, yeah. So I, I, I find that when I listened to an audio book, And I'm, I have my reps that I do. And what I find works really well for me is I do 70%, 70 percent of what I'm capable of. That's what I try to do on a daily basis. And that really does bring me into flow. And I like, it's just a moment. I don't feel pain. Like, you know, I feel pumped. You know what I mean?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah,
Track 1:I think it takes some time to transition. I started working out young when I was in high school, I was doing calisthenics. So it's like, I guess like that got me over that. Now, when I do weight training, I really do feel a lot of pump. I'm wondering, you say pain, why do you feel pain?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:pain and I it's weird because I don't feel pain all the time in my training, but it's one of my methods where I tap into like my inner sense of me. So I had a conversation with the only that I'll always do something so hard once a quarter that everything else in my life feels easy. Right. But then in those moments, I don't know if I get into a flow state. Like the deep, the deep, hard pain workouts where you're doing something for like 12 hours or you're doing something that's monotonous for three hours. I think that pain is very interesting. So I almost don't feel it in a way when it gets so painful because you start having conversations with within yourself that is yourself. That's like, I told Yona, I was like, I feel like I was speaking to God the moment everything just shuts off. Like it just, it just pushes everything away from me. And it's the most peaceful time of my life. And it's like the most amazing time of my life because I don't do it for anybody else. I just do it to shut everything down. Like my brain is just crazy. But when I get into those super, super painful states, it's just pain and then conversations.
Track 1:Interesting.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:And, uh, it's interesting how, but that's, I don't know if I think it'd be more, more efficient going into the 70 percent rack is tapping into something. So it does not, I don't get into flow state. I get into really weird. Like,
Track 1:It's, this like, shutting down the mind kind of thing. And it helps you shut everything else out. You know, somebody gave me a really interesting analogy about anxiety. Um, they were saying that, kind of like, it was like when they watch TV, in a way. What, what it does for them is, is like, have you ever gone into a hall where like everyone is chattering, and you have all this chatter? And like, you can't really define any of it, but like, you could hear kind of people talking in the background, you know what I mean? Kind of this loose, nonstop conversation talking that like, maybe you catch little glimpses of and whatever. And then all of a sudden, like everyone shushes and then there's like a speech. You know what I mean? That's like watching TV for them, where it's like, they have this nonstop anxious chatter in their brain, and then they're able to just like shut it down and focus on TV and it like calms them down in a way. And it sounds like that's similar to like, Um, It just reminded me of what you just described with regards to the gym, where it's like you bring yourself to that painful point, like, put yourself past, just to almost like prove something to yourself it's just for you, um, and you're able to like, tap into this almost godly sense, where you're literally shutting everything else off because the experience is so intense, that you're able to be there fully. Dude, I have to tell you, do you play any instruments?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Uh, I play guitar for a little bit.
Track 1:You should really pick it up again. I and just improv because I think that's another yeah,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:some serious flow states, start shredding. I did have dreams of shredding, so, uh, but, but no, I'm not like super, I mean, I play a little bit, I played it to get the girls for a while. Play the four chords, you know what I'm talking about?
Track 1:Yeah, yeah, I know you're talking about dude so Yeah, I, I had this piano teacher who was my shaman, it's a funny story, but basically he taught me improv, and I was able to apply those into guitar, where then I was able to write music with words. I don't know why, I can't, I can't write lyrics on a piano, I can only write lyrics on a guitar. But I would just play the guitar and feel the vibe and really let everything else like shut off. And I don't know, there's something about the music that you're able to just like flow into. And you have all those senses, the feeling on your fingers, the air, like the sound of the guitar, and you're able to like flow into and like, you're able to start singing. It's another very similar, you just reminded me of like, with your way of like being fully into the moment with the gym and everything else getting shut off and you tap into this godly state. It's the same way I feel when I, um, I do this musical improv on the guitar. You know,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:I think that's why jam sessions are great. I never understood until I went into like a band session. They were like, guys, you guys want to jam? And I'm like, I don't even know how to jam, man. Like, let's just come in and just come check it out. And people get into these states where everyone is just playing. And then you have someone start singing this just like magical lyric. You're like, what? How did he figure that out? Someone's rapping in the blue. And it's such a powerful state. I think music has a sense. We can do that. Yeah. And I'm like, this is beautiful.
Track 1:yeah,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:you're experiencing their flow state.
Track 1:dude. That's amazing. We could talk about this for another half an hour. I'm sure but I do gotta go I want to ask you if there was one thing that you can yell from the rooftops Everyone in the world right now is listening to you. What would you want them to know?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Every conversation, take one action. If you can just do that every single time. You're going to be able to do some pretty cool things. I think we're in a stage of, we have plenty of conversations now, podcasts, YouTubes, Tik Toks, reels. We're learning something so rapidly. There's too much learning, not enough doing. One conversation, one action. That's the advice that I would have given myself years ago. So if I can do that, that'd be amazing. So those of there's someone listening to this podcast right now, do one action from this one conversation. And that's it. That's what I try to give at least myself and others. And I think that's just like the complexity of things. If you can just do that, crazy things might happen
Track 1:I love it All right. Thank you so much for talking with me today.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:for sure, man.
Track 1:I'm glad you committed to part two
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah. Yeah, yeah, but I wanted to practice it for longer. I did practice it, but I want to practice like a year.
Track 1:Yeah,
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:You know what I mean? So it's like if I could do a thousand days of a workout, then I can probably do that for a thousand days,
Track 1:for sure. For sure.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:that's cool, man.
Track 1:it's so enjoyable. Just have fun with it, you know?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah, we will have to do it again. And anytime you're in Vegas, you'll have to pop into to our podcast.
Track 1:Oh for sure. I'm excited.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:All right.
Track 1:I mean, uh, just quickly, I guess, where can people find you?
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Yeah. So we have our own podcast. It's called the coaches podcast. It's on YouTube. You can also follow us on Instagram. We're at Nevada fitness or just put at Royce LaGuardia. You can find us there. And I think I'm everywhere too. I'm on LinkedIn. I'm on The TikTok life. Yeah, it's all repurpose. But yeah, you can, you can, you can find us there. But the best place the coaches podcast, follow us on YouTube. Make sure to subscribe.
Track 1:absolutely. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Obviously, Royce's information will be in the description. I had such a great time. Thank you so much.
squadcaster-f051_1_04-16-2024_101130:Appreciate you keep killing us. All right. Peace.