Lunch With Sandy
Welcome to the "Lunch With Sandy" podcast, where we serve up candid conversations seasoned with humor and insight. Join us as we delve into much-needed discussions, sprinkled with our unique sense of humor. On the menu, you'll find a variety of topics, from conflict resolution to navigating tricky questions with grace. We also explore current events, sharing our perspectives on the everyday trials and triumphs. So pull up a chair, grab a plate, and enjoy the feast of conversation.
Lunch With Sandy
What if there was no us?
Have you ever found yourself walking a tightrope, balancing honesty and needs in your relationship? Could altering one small detail, one tiny decision, have changed your entire life? Join us as we delve into these questions and more in an enlightening conversation, comparing the complexities of relationships to a 'lunch' - a necessary and often overlooked event.
We couldn't stop at just relationships. The butterfly effect is a common theory, but have you ever stopped to truly consider its implications? How one small shift in your past could've drastically altered your present? And how it still can? It's a fascinating discussion we had, one that leaves you questioning your actions and decisions, big and small. As daunting as it may sound, we believe it's a healthy practice to reevaluate our lives occasionally.
But it doesn't stop there. We've got something for everyone in this episode. For those seeking personal growth, we reflect on the impact of the people in our lives. A good support network is the key to success, and we share our thoughts on how surrounding ourselves with like-minded individuals can push us towards our goals. Finally, we share a secret weapon, positive thinking. It's amazing how a shift in perspective can lighten up our lives, making us happier and more content. So tune in, grab your favorite snack, and let's get talking on the Lunch with Sandy podcast!
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best policy? How do you balance what you want versus what you need, and is there something you need to say to your spouse but can't find the right way to say it? If so, then you're in the right place. This is the Lunch with Sandy podcast. With nearly 20 years of marriage under their belts, Terrance and Sandy Jackson discuss a range of topics, provide valuable insights on relationships and talk about the conversations married couples need to have. So what does lunch have to do with all of this? Well, it's a metaphor for how these conversations originally started. Speaking of conversations, let's get one going. Here's your hosts, Terrance and Sandy.
Terrance:Hello and welcome to the Lunch with Sandy podcast. I'm Terrence.
Sandy:And I'm Sandy.
Terrance:And, as usual here on the Lunch with Sandy podcast, we are having the conversations that married couples need to have.
Sandy:The what.
Terrance:Conversations. You like annunciate that. You know I have a tendency to talk a little fast and sometimes those words get mixed up. But stop trying to trip me up, because we need to get to what we need to get to today, and today we're going to be discussing what, if I'm not going to say anything further than that. But let me take care of the normal house cleaning that we have to do at the beginning of every show, and that is ask Sandy how she's doing today. How are you doing today, sandy?
Sandy:Well, today I have a real reason to say that no, I'm feeling better, I'm good today. I got my nap in.
Terrance:Sometimes that's all it takes. All it takes is a nap and boom, you're back at it. I'm noticing something. I didn't turn on the light on the other side of the room, so it's a little dark behind you right now. I know you wish you had a tan like mine, and that's not the type of dark I mean. I mean, the background is not as lit up as it normally is.
Sandy:Is that a good or bad thing?
Terrance:Ah, it's just different Sometimes, you know.
Sandy:Can you see me Different oh?
Terrance:goodness she over here doing the John Cena.
Announcer:Yeah, I can see you.
Terrance:I can see you just fine. You're like a bright light over there.
Sandy:I know it's summertime, I'm not that bright.
Terrance:No, you got a little bit of a tan. You got a little bit of a tan.
Sandy:Yeah, I have to just get to the beach as well. I don't know, I have tan lines everywhere.
Terrance:Listen the way that the weather has been. I don't see much more beach going. I mean you'd have to get there like the middle of the day and by that time traffic and everyone trying to get there is crazy. And then I say, by like five, six o'clock, you got to start hitting back, maybe even earlier than that next week. Next week what?
Sandy:I'm going to the beach. Have fun at the beach next week. Thanks.
Terrance:I will Enough about the beach.
Sandy:I love the beach.
Terrance:Let's get into speaking of lights and no lights. Let's get into the spotlight of the week. The spotlight of the week this week is going on my man, nelson from track builders. So, nelson, he rides with us every now and then and a couple of weeks ago he heard that we had needed a spot to meet for the board and he offered up his building and he's actually allowing us to meet there again on this Monday. So shout out to Nelson we appreciate you, we appreciate you allowing us to meet at your spot. Now back to Sandy.
Terrance:It's always about Sandy. I mean, well, listen, some people be glad if it was always about them. You know, a couple of weeks ago I took the fellows out to lunch and I might have mentioned this on a previous episode, but one of them asked me if I had a chance to go back in time. Is there anything that I would change? And you know, I think people think about this a lot.
Terrance:And it's funny because, ironically, there was an episode of Star Trek on last night and it was a guy who went back in time and he had to do everything he possibly could from changing the past that could possibly affect his future. But my answer to that question is always the same because, as intriguing as that question is, I always say this to everyone I am an accumulation of all the experiences and situations that I've been through in the past. They are what make me who I am today, and if you don't know me, then you don't know I love who I am today. So on the surface it's easy to answer that question, to say probably not much, but at the same time there's always that well, if I went back and I played the lottery, I could have won the jackpot, but again you don't know what other changes would come about if you actually did that.
Sandy:So the butterfly effect.
Terrance:The butterfly effect. So I have a very interesting conversation that we have to have today and that question is what if there were no us? And let me explain what I mean by that.
Sandy:Yes, please do.
Terrance:Because, listen, if I had gone back in time and I changed one thing, I might not have been at that event where we met, and potentially that could be no us. So here's what I want you to entertain, right, or what I want you to think about when do you think you'd be today if we had not met?
Sandy:That's a good question. Thanks, I'm gonna sound cliche right now, but if people ask me if I would have changed anything, I would. This is where it's gonna sound cliche. I would say you know, I would have Changed to meet you sooner, but then again, if we had sooner would we have ended up together.
Terrance:I don't know so. So you have to expand on that. So how would you change to meet me sooner? That means you'd have to have been stalking me to know where I was sooner goodness, you know what I mean.
Sandy:Like, if you go back, like I get what you're saying.
Terrance:So if there was a possibility of the one thing that you can actually change. Yes, so, but you can't do that. You know why? Because now you're making changes for me and not you.
Sandy:Well, no, it's just like you know, to have avoided Certain parts of my life. That you know, I wouldn't mind, I wouldn't say a racing, well, it's in and so. But like some of the bad things that I, I went through before I met you, but then again at the same time. If I hadn't gone through that, I probably wouldn't have appreciated you as much. And we did finally meet, so to your butterfly effect. You know, yes, what could have happened at that point.
Terrance:You know yeah, and it's dangerous to say that. Well, I'm not gonna use the term dangerous. I Get where people might say, if I could have avoid going through this pain, I probably would. Yeah, but again, did that pain make you a better person or more prepare you for when I did come in your life or when? Not even forget about me for a second. I Look at everything as an opportunity to learn, and you learn from hard lessons. Well, the opportunity to learn from hard lessons exists there, and Going through that pain probably prepares you For other situations where, if you didn't go through that, you might not have been as prepared and that pain could have been much more. Yeah, so it is a very, it's a. It's a very interesting Discussion. Yep, because on the one hand, well, you know what, I can go back and fix everything that I Didn't like or I did wrong, but on the other hand, what impact does that have?
Sandy:exactly on everything else because I Probably wouldn't have been at that part. Exactly exactly actually met you, you know.
Terrance:So I guess what I would say is this if it's if we had met, that means we have to start at the point right before we actually did meet, yeah, and look at the trajectory and try to Make guesstimations based on the actual trajectory. It's all. It's all hypothetical. But listen, we're gonna have that conversation and I Can tell you I definitely wouldn't be, I Definitely wouldn't be in the town of Lincoln. I can tell you that right now I Don't know if I would be, I Don't think I'd be in the actual career that I'm in.
Terrance:I think there would have been a lot of changes because same sometimes situations motivate, inspire, spark or Allow you to look at something you're doing and readjust and reassess and and then Make adjustments. So you go in another direction and if those situations don't happen, you may or may not continue to do what it is that you are actually doing. I know at one point I knew People who had moved out of state. I knew people who a couple people who were over in England and they had asked me to come over there and visit and stay for a while because they had Places over there. You know they call them flats over there. They had flats and I don't know, there was nothing Really tying me to this place, you know. I mean, there was nothing tying me to around. There was nothing really tying me to the, to the states, and If we hadn't met, I don't know, I don't think that there would have been anything that and I'm not saying tying me is weighing me down.
Terrance:What I'm saying is yeah there wasn't a Reason for me to have to stay in one place.
Sandy:Yeah.
Terrance:So I think, from that perspective, I might have been in another country, mm-hmm, I mean, I could have been a bum on the street, well, I wouldn't be the bum on the street still shout out to the bones on the street.
Sandy:I almost left Rhode Island.
Terrance:Yeah. I was in the process of Going to Miami and doing my masters down there, you know so you'd have been drunk on a beach with a special martini's down there, you and it never made it. They would. They would have to come, drag you off the beach and then I.
Sandy:Well, I didn't go for my masters and I Didn't end up going to Miami either, and even if I go further back, you know I my goal was to actually work for the FBI. Well, this was. I had a couple of different career, yeah the first one I was going for physical therapy.
Sandy:Right so, but at least after that one, the goal was that I wanted to enter the FBI, you know and you know, and that didn't end up happening. So if had that happened, I definitely wouldn't have been in Rhode Island either. So I had two opportunities one for Miami, one to go into the FBI route. And well, I wouldn't say I wouldn't be in Rhode Island, but the likelihood that I'd be in Rhode Island in that career path would have been pretty slim.
Terrance:Well, they got an office in Boston.
Sandy:They do. So, but if I was in Boston I still wouldn't have been at that party. And well, listen, In Rhode Island.
Terrance:You had those opportunities. You didn't take advantage of them.
Sandy:Nope, take advantage man, take advantage I didn't, and for whatever reason, I don't know. Things just flipped away, fell apart, I guess.
Terrance:They didn't fall apart when you met me.
Sandy:No, no, I'm just meaning like they just didn't. Neither of those situations just came to fruition. Yeah, yeah, for whatever reason you know so.
Terrance:So those situations not coming into fruition put you in a space where you were fortunate enough to run into me. I see how listen. What do they call that destiny?
Sandy:So the whole thing of things happen for a reason.
Terrance:So obviously and I'm going to ask this question, but it's obvious, well, it's not obvious your life would probably be different had we not had met. How do you think it would be? It would have been different.
Sandy:If so, not going back further, but to that exact moment when we did meet. Had we not met, yeah, how would it be different? Oh, that's a tough one. I don't know it's, I'm really not sure. Well, I'm trying to like think about what other changes would have potentially. I'll start.
Terrance:I'll start Cause.
Terrance:I can tell you this I believe that I wouldn't be as focused as I am now. And I say that because for me things always came easy. You know I always say life's like Seinfeld episode. You know I lose a 20 dollar bill, I find a 20 dollar bill. So because things came to me so easy, the amount of effort that I had to put in for certain things I'm not going to say it wasn't really high, but the effort it wasn't really high. I'll just leave it at that. So when you come to a point or you get coming to a situation where you want to build something with someone, that motivation ticks up. You get inspiration, your motivation, determination from those other individuals.
Terrance:I was coasting. I mean I really was. I was coasting and things were coming to me easy. I didn't really have the drive like I should have had and I think I would have been fine, but I don't think that I would have been in the position that I am now. I mean I'm involved in a lot. It might not seem like it, but I'm involved in a lot of things.
Terrance:Part of it is because over the years, when you think about our journey, we started we weren't where we are now. I mean we were nowhere that close to where we were now, but we started playing off each other and we started building little by little and we started setting goals and we started making sure that we follow budgets and we started doing all of these things and that put us in a position to be where we are today. I don't know if I would have. I mean, again, this is all hypothetical, this is all. But I'm taking a step outside and looking at where I was at that time and again, I could have woke up the next day and changed. But I don't know if I would have been on the trajectory parallel to where I am right now if we hadn't met.
Terrance:And that's just based off of where I was, what I was doing at the time and how things were working out, just from coasting. I mean, that was the truth. I mean you think about it. I mean I had my own apartment, I had a decent job and the job I worked with a bunch of people, man, and they liked the party and couldn't ask for more. I mean life was pretty good, not that it wasn't good. When I met you. What I'm saying was for that individual, it became better. What are you talking about For that individual in that space, everything was working and there wasn't a lot of effort that needed to be put in for those things to work.
Sandy:Yeah, I don't know. I think for me, I don't think I'd be in the career I am today. Listen I it has nothing really to do necessarily with you. It was, I think I would have suffered through working at the hospital.
Terrance:And you would have suffered through it. You would have suffered through it because, listen, you were there.
Sandy:Yeah.
Terrance:You were there and I was like ah, listen, this thing got work, yeah, so right.
Sandy:so had I not met you, I think you telling me listen, this is not working. Now you're working all three shifts, like it's just too chaotic, I don't think I would have went and applied to go work for the bank.
Terrance:No, and I know that every career has its ups and downs. But listen, you've been with the bank for a hot minute. The bank has been good to you.
Sandy:It'll be 23 years next month. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Terrance:Yeah, that hospital thing was not working.
Sandy:No, it was tough. I sometimes worked doubles. I sometimes worked first, second, third shift. It just really all depended week by week, day by day.
Terrance:You needed the focus and organization.
Sandy:No structure of me.
Terrance:Yeah, that's what you needed.
Sandy:And that's probably honestly. When I had met you, there probably was no structure in my life.
Terrance:Yeah, honestly, the only structure that existed at that point for me was, you know, obviously, work. I had to get up and I had to go to work, and work was, at times, play, because we would I mean, listen, we were at work very, very early in the morning and we stayed kind of late and then we partied afterwards. So I mean, it was a cycle, it was a complete cycle. But I don't know that you well, I know for a fact that you can't continue to do that for a very, very long period of time, and I also know that, from the perspective of making that an everyday thing over an extended period of time, your body starts to reject some of that stuff and you don't end up being as pristine as I am right now.
Sandy:Yes, well, I agree. So you know, when we met too, it was I felt somewhat free at this time. We'll just go with that word that I was out partying all the time too, not necessarily during the week, but definitely on the weekend, always at the club bar whenever it was.
Terrance:You were clubbing it up.
Sandy:I was, you know, and cause? I was just enjoying myself.
Terrance:I remember those club days, not your club days, my club days.
Sandy:After feeling jailed for so long.
Terrance:You know, I was just you felt like Jackson the backyard with that gate. Yeah, he said With your coffee cup.
Sandy:Like, like, like, like, like, yeah. Once I got out it was just like yeah. And I'm like Jackson, you know, when he has the little zoomy instances and he starts running around, he's running around. That was me, he was out there in the club running around. Yep exactly.
Terrance:Asking for espresso martinis. I know that one I know that one? Do they have espresso martinis back then? I know you weren't up on espresso martinis back then.
Sandy:I wasn't up on espresso martinis back then See how you see how your taste has advanced.
Terrance:You're drinking espresso martinis. You probably just drinking, like you know, sex on a beat show, whatever it was.
Sandy:It was kind of sugary drink.
Terrance:Bahama mama's and stuff like that.
Sandy:Absolutely, you know. So that's definitely a difference. I don't know, maybe I would have lived with my parents for longer, because obviously I left my parents' house when I was really young but then returned. I don't know, maybe if I would have stayed living with them longer. I'm not 100% sure, but that also kinda makes me I wouldn't have lived with mine longer. But it makes me like question, like would I have gone back?
Announcer:to.
Sandy:Portugal and fell in love with it for the second time when well, probably more the first time, because as a kid I really wasn't in love with it, because all we did was stay in these moths. But would I have fallen in love with it when you and I went with the girls? You?
Terrance:know, yeah, speaking of which, just to interject for one second, shelby actually my boy Shelby is going to Italy. I don't know if I told you Italy and Portugal in like three weeks.
Sandy:See, it's a good place to be.
Terrance:Yeah, listen, look, we had a great time. I'm sorry, go ahead. You were moving back with your parents.
Sandy:Yeah, don't worry, I hope I wouldn't be mad. I was living with my parents. Well, technically, yeah, technically you wasn't Kind of sort of, yeah, technically you wasn't, but yeah, so I don't know if I would have been on the trajectory of wanting, you know, to start spending more time in Portugal now, so that might have been different, yeah.
Terrance:See how I don't.
Sandy:I don't know, I don't think you would have even, maybe even ventured into Portugal.
Terrance:No, probably not, Probably not. All right, listen, I'll tell you so at one point you know, Maybe you'd be in Italy, but not Portugal. I might be in Italy, so you know what, at one point that was the goal, and the goal was to eventually go to Italy, and at that time I probably would have went you know, after studying it for.
Terrance:So studying it for so long, you know, wanting to see the country. But things change, yeah, and now that I've been there, I did enjoy it, but now it's one of those things where obviously we want to see more of Portugal. I do want to see more of Italy, Same.
Sandy:I think I liked Portugal better.
Terrance:Oh 100%.
Sandy:And it also could be. I'm impartial because I can actually speak the language.
Terrance:Well, I think also, too, we in Portugal. We've gone to places where they're considered more touristy, and so there was a lot more going on In Italy. As great as that place was, it's a vacation spot, but a vacation spot for Italians and Russians, and so it wasn't not that there wasn't a lot to do. There wasn't as much to do I think that's what I liked about it.
Sandy:I did enjoy it. I did enjoy it. I did enjoy it. It's the fact that there wasn't a bunch of American tourists around.
Terrance:I did enjoy it All right, so here's the go ahead.
Sandy:I was gonna say because, you know, when we were in Porto and the guy with his American flag hanging out of his backpack and I'm just shaking my head like come on.
Terrance:I thought you were gonna talk about the guy who walked up to me and says, hey, are you American? And I said, see, I thought, oh, yeah, that was funny no. Oh goodness. So here's the million dollar question.
Sandy:Okay.
Terrance:Right. If we had not met, do you think your life would have been happier than it is currently?
Sandy:If I think about the mental space that I was in when we met, that would be a hard no.
Terrance:I thought you were saying more because that was a trick question. I mean, the easy answer is no, my life wouldn't have been happier without you. You bring happiness to my life. You had all the opportunity to say all of that and you said, if I had to think about no, I said the mental, just thinking about the mental space that I was in.
Sandy:I said a hard no, yeah, a hard.
Terrance:No, just the mental space. Mentally I was whacked. I'm not anymore Hard. No, I know there are a lot of things that again. This is one of those questions where it's good to have this conversation, but obviously there's no right or wrong answer. Well, except for this one, there's no right or wrong answer.
Sandy:But the challenge with this is you don't know You're supposed to say, too, that your happiness comes from within, right?
Terrance:Well, and that's true. So there's two parts of that. Happiness has to come within, but there are guaranteed people that make you happy Definitely. And the challenge for me would be trying to figure out what my life would be without those people, without you, without the girls. And I don't think I could measure that. I can't take that experience that I've experienced and said, oh, if we hadn't met, my life would be happier because those individuals wouldn't be in it. There might be other individuals in it, but those individuals wouldn't be in it.
Sandy:Well, I just didn't want to sound cliche again.
Terrance:That's not me being seen. That's not.
Sandy:You're the love of my life.
Terrance:Here's the thing. None of those words came out of my mouth.
Sandy:No, I know I'm saying, that's why I said what I said.
Terrance:Mine was from the heart. Did you feel that?
Sandy:Did you feel mine? Mine was from the heart. No, you said a hard, no yeah a hard, no A hard, no I would not be as happy as I am today. No, and.
Terrance:I think that that's I mean. It's tough to answer these type of questions, but, knowing what I know, once you know something, particularly let me rephrase that once you feel something, it's very hard to unfeel it, right.
Sandy:Like. Would I be a miserable human being? No, probably not. Would I have some level of happiness?
Terrance:I would hope so, because the world would be, you might be miserable. I bring the light you do.
Sandy:But I think Meeting you and at the time that we did meet was for a reason. I don't think either one of us probably would have put as much effort into the relationship if we had met sooner. You don't know me.
Terrance:I probably wouldn't have.
Sandy:We've talked about this. I can't renege now on what you said.
Terrance:I said I probably wouldn't have. I said I probably wouldn't have. I wasn't mentally, I wasn't in the right place for a long time, but I've answered the happiness piece. I think I answered it beautifully, beautifully, beautifully Although that beautifully came out like a boot of lead and made me slow down. It's difficult trying to imagine your life being different from what it is.
Sandy:All I see is chaos.
Terrance:Well, I think.
Terrance:Trying to say okay, well, if I can go back and change one thing, I would do this. There's so many factors that are not in your control that if you did have the possibility to do something like that, there's no telling what ripple effect that could have had. But it's fun to. It can be fun to imagine the what ifs. I can see where people would like to go and make changes in their life based on some things that they've done in the past. But I think it's important to remember that there are no guarantees, just like there are no guarantees currently and moving forward, there's no guarantees, if you go back and make a change, that that is going to be better for you and for those around you. So when it comes to those things, the what ifs, I think it's better to keep those what ifs as just dreams from the past. And with how beautifully I said that, that leads me into my beautiful realization of the week. It looks like you have something you want to say.
Sandy:No, no, go for it.
Terrance:My realization this week is very it's very simple and it might sound cliche, but thinking positively breeds positivity. It's that simple. If you focus on positive thoughts, you tend to notice the positive things around you. And that's not to say that you know negativity doesn't exist out there. But I think as a society we focus so much on all the negative aspects. That's all we see and that surrounds us. But if we take that same energy and look and focus on those positive things, I think overall we'll have a society that is brimming full of positivity. But I think that once that positivity surrounds you, it would make you a much better, much happier person. That is all for this episode. Please be sure to follow us, leave feedback. Thank you for listening. We hope you join us for our next conversation.
Announcer:That's it for this week's episode of the Lunch With Sandy podcast. Thanks for listening. We'd love to hear your feedback and comments on Instagram, TikTok and Twitter at Lunch With Sandy, and be sure to follow us on your favorite podcast app. If you enjoyed the show, don't forget to rate and review us. Thanks again for listening to the Lunch With Sandy podcast.
