Chloe De Sousa is not your average love, sex, and relationship coach; she's a luminary with over two decades of experience in guiding individuals through the depths of intimacy and self-discovery. As a seasoned 5 rhythms dance teacher and a dance movement psychotherapist, she's not just about theory; she's all about embodiment and transformation.
With a passion for unlocking the boundless potential within each person, Chloe empowers her clients to embrace their ecstatic sexuality and step into their own unique leadership journey. Her approach is rooted in trauma-informed practices, blending the latest findings in modern science with the timeless wisdom of ancient tantra.
Known as a "legend of space holding" and hailed as the "queen" of 5 rhythms dance facilitation, Chloe's reputation precedes her. Her influence extends globally, offering 1-1 coaching, transformative courses, and captivating talks that bridge the gap between ancient wisdom and modern understanding.
Beyond her spoken words, Chloe is also a published author, sharing her profound insights with the world. In her eyes, pleasure is not a privilege but a birthright for everyone. Join us as we delve into Chloe's captivating world and discover how you too can awaken your inner legend and embrace the pleasure that life has to offer.
Visit Chloe's Website HERE
Connect HERE with Jenni, naturopathic therapist and host of 'Women of the Wild'
Chloe De Sousa is not your average love, sex, and relationship coach; she's a luminary with over two decades of experience in guiding individuals through the depths of intimacy and self-discovery. As a seasoned 5 rhythms dance teacher and a dance movement psychotherapist, she's not just about theory; she's all about embodiment and transformation.
With a passion for unlocking the boundless potential within each person, Chloe empowers her clients to embrace their ecstatic sexuality and step into their own unique leadership journey. Her approach is rooted in trauma-informed practices, blending the latest findings in modern science with the timeless wisdom of ancient tantra.
Known as a "legend of space holding" and hailed as the "queen" of 5 rhythms dance facilitation, Chloe's reputation precedes her. Her influence extends globally, offering 1-1 coaching, transformative courses, and captivating talks that bridge the gap between ancient wisdom and modern understanding.
Beyond her spoken words, Chloe is also a published author, sharing her profound insights with the world. In her eyes, pleasure is not a privilege but a birthright for everyone. Join us as we delve into Chloe's captivating world and discover how you too can awaken your inner legend and embrace the pleasure that life has to offer.
Visit Chloe's Website HERE
Connect HERE with Jenni, naturopathic therapist and host of 'Women of the Wild'
Welcome to Women of the Wild podcast. Here our community of wise women comes together to explore and discuss naturopathic medicine, fertility, free birth, and cultivating inner peace and joy through embracing alternative lifestyles. These are powerful women and pioneers in the modern age who choose to live and heal free of westernized limitations. Many we will speak to have bravely and successfully cured themselves from chronic and even terminal illness. Prior to setting forth on their mission to offer healing to others. Together we return to our roots, to our inner wisdom, and our birthrights. To the wild in all of us. And together we grow to change the world. I'm your host, Jenny Dice.
Chloe:I'm really happy to be here and I love the fact that we found each other even though we're on different sides of the world.
Jenni:Right? Isn't that the absolute coolest? So I would love for you to start by just telling me a little bit about yourself and your interests, your passions as far as the naturopathic world.
Chloe:Oh, thanks so much. Well, I started studying alternative medicine whilst I was studying social anthropology, and I left my degree wanting to really dig down deep into my experience of what works and what doesn't. If you like, that was fieldwork. So I started to go into alternative medicine, trying things out. So I, you know, I studied Reiki, I studied herbalism, I studied aromatherapy, and, and started to look at all the systems around the world went into ceremonies. And eventually I came across Ecstatic Dance, the dance of Gammera Roth's work, Five Rhythms. And started to realize the connection between what was stored in my body, in my nervous system, and, and how free I was really. And that led that further into dance movement psychotherapy, that led into a very busy humming practice all over London and the UK. And then I was teaching five rhythms internationally. And then eventually My sexuality really hit an all time high and could no longer be ignored. So I started to look at the trauma that many women face around sexuality. And also the, the troubles that lots of people have around love and relationship. So I started to study. trauma informed approaches for digesting what we, the stories we carry in our bodies and our nervous systems and how they impact the relationships around us. So currently that's, that's really a main focus. I'm still working with dance, but I'm also supporting people with whatever experience they've had and how they notice that perhaps it gets in the way of how they'd really like to be, whether that's with their partner or with their children or with potential. Romance, and also majorly for me, the relationship you have with yourself, like my whole mission is if you change your inner ecology. You automatically change your outer ecology, your world around you improves. And I really think that right now on this planet, we need female leadership. So for women to start to change their inner ecology and start to lead their way through how they want to treat their babies, how they want to treat their partners, how they want to treat themselves in a, in a grounded, earthy, powerful way, that's my passion. That's
Jenni:absolutely beautiful. And what a journey to bring you there. I would love to hear a little bit more about what the dance therapy is. Do you still teach if anybody's interested to take that from you? Oh,
Chloe:absolutely. So, if I'm in a room, I'll always be looking at how people are moving. And sometimes, you know, I'll like, oh, wow, what's up with your hip? And they're like, how come you noticed my hip? And I'm like, well, the left side slightly raised than the right. And they're like, oh, who is this? So The Stories of Our Bodies, which is actually a book I'd like to write at some point, it's so visible once you start, once you start to see what the body holds, you know, whether that's deep inside of you, you know, you might be talking the internals of your body, or it might be just like, There was an incredible boy that we knew when we were kids, and he'd grown up in an ashram. So he was always walking on tiptoes because he was trying to see his mother, but as an adult, he still walked on tiptoes. Right. So with that said, that's a, like a major obvious one. But so if you were in the room with me or on zoom with me, we'd be looking at Very much like, what does your body want to say, and how is it saying it? So, so for example, like, I had sad hands for years, but the more I let my hands tell their story, the less sad I felt. So there's what's stored in the body, and then there's also what the body wants to say. We live in a world that's, that's... That, you know, wants our body to do one thing, our heart to do something else whilst we're having to think about something else. What you want to do to really hit the kind of daily bliss that's available is, is have your body, heart and mind doing one thing. And actually, actually I love following your Instagram because You know, parenting a small child brings you into that place there in the, that your body's there with your small child, your heart's there because you love this thing so much, and your mind's there because you caretake them continually. It's a, it's an almost Buddha like state for both of you when you're co regulating. And, and so in a room with me with dance movement psychotherapy, we'd be looking at the stories your body carries, but also how to get that alignment between body, heart, and mind, because, because then we're not arguing with ourselves and we're all in one place. And human beings, they like being in one place, you know, that that's a bliss state.
Jenni:Absolutely. Don't you feel like it's a constant shift, as you mentioned? Being a mom to a small child. I know that you you're the same. You have to keep bringing yourself back to yourself a bit because your love for the little one overpowers everything else. And for me, I had to take time to make sure that I was still coming back into my own body and being present with myself and acknowledging, my own energy as well to be able to be the best that I can be for that little person.
Chloe:Yeah. Yeah. And because if you leave yourself, then you're not fully there, but I guess what you're talking about is also the rest in between the
Jenni:giving. Yeah, exactly. Our focus as mothers, goes to the child. And I think sometimes we forget about ourselves in a way. And so, It's, beautiful work to be able to find something, some way that helps bring you back into yourself and bring you back to your own energetic presence, you know, and give yourself that self care and love and mothering that you give to the little one as well.
Chloe:I'm interested as well, like how ingenious we get as mothers, you know, or as parents, you know, where pre parenthood, you know, maybe for me, certainly because my spiritual practices have also been very paramount in my life. But you know, I would spend an hour every morning meditating or yoga or dancing. And when you become a parent and you realize what you can do in 11 minutes,
Jenni:that is well said.
Chloe:And it's like, when they're sleeping, then what you do while they sleep, do you rest as well? Or do you do, do you do something that brings you back to yourself? Either is good, you know, it's
Jenni:like, it takes some practice to find that balance. So tell me a little bit about your experience, you know did you find that you were slipping from yourself at all? Or did you have to bring yourself back to your focus of your work and how do you find balance with that in your little one?
Chloe:Well, I'm, I'm kind of, yeah, there's so many stages with parenthood, I think when they've been outside of you for the same amount they were inside of you, that nine month mark, that's like important. And then there's the two and the three and they get to five and they've existed in your auric field and then they start to leave it a bit and come back. And then there's like seven, that's a big transit, you know, they really go, they really go a bit further. My eldest now is 15 which is incredible, strangely they need you almost like a toddler again and almost not at all, and almost not at all, it's, it's, it's a paradox, you know, the hormones, but I think, I think if I, if anything, I've always leant into overgiving and, and being over present at the neglect to myself. And so that's been my working edge. is, is like how to self care or, and so for me, body based practices has been really important to me. And, and also I would say probably my sexuality has been very important to me is for me, that's a place of resource. And and, and I was lucky enough to have my libido really, really high, very, very quickly after childbirth. But even if you're not. You know, practicing with anybody just, just to have that experience of my own body and my own sensuality. I think that was my go to as my home place.
Jenni:That's incredibly important. You know, I feel like everybody's hormones are a little bit different when it comes to just after having their baby too. And you know, you hear sometimes it takes a long time to get back to that place where you feel like a sexual woman again, as opposed to just a mother, you know, I mean, I hate to say just a mother, but a lot of, I think a lot of depression comes from that thought of, you know, you're, you lose who you are and you're just a mom now, you know, and I feel like that's such an important. mentality to escape. And I'm curious how you worked with your hormones and you worked with your health habits. And what did you find the most useful to bring you back to the space where your libido was high and you were just feeling like this all powerful, awesome lioness of a woman? Yeah.
Chloe:Yeah. Oh, so much to say. What great questions, Jenny. I think, first of all, like, The sleep deprivation makes you low, you know, and to say really taking care of that, like never let anyone give you a hard time if, if you want to be going to bed at the same time your baby does, because secondly, is self esteem is, is a dance, you know, and this just a mother thing is complex because yeah, it's really important to be in touch with all aspects of yourself, but capitalism. It values paid work, and from paid work you get respect from other people, and you get a standing, you get a title. If mothers... and fathers and parents were paid, you would have less of a knock on your self esteem. You wouldn't, you wouldn't be just a mother. You'd be earning really good money because you're working 24 7. And that's the way I would have it. You know, that self esteem journey. Well, true. If we want to take care of the planet, the stay at home parents are doing the most important job on the planet. Because they're preparing this next generation to look after the ecology that we have here. Like, that should be the highest paid job.
Jenni:Right. I feel like that should definitely take a lot more priority. I'm curious how that's treated in London as opposed to in the US because in the US it's really like, you know, you have your baby and you're expected to be immediately in shape again and you're expected to immediately go back to work. And if you don't, then, you know, what are you doing? And I, it's, you know, no wonder women have such a hard time processing Everything that has just happened, you know, having their little one and having to step right back into who they used to be and who they are now all within a matter of like a couple of months, you know, if not sooner, sometimes is it treated the same there or are you guys kind of given a little bit more
Chloe:gentleness? No, it's brutal over here. I can feel my lioness now, really getting fiery, like, because Like, I really believe the nature is perfect, you know, and this, that, this, this perspective, which is really wound up in patriarchy and capitalism, right? It's like getting back to your life as it was before, like. Why would you ever wanna do that when you've just been through a near death experience? Like, like short, which is what all mothers face before they give birth, right? Mm-hmm. you, you, you have the bravery. Like I wrote actually at the end of the chapter for your book, Jenny, I wrote about it like, all women should be giving trophies. They should be statues in the middle of town squares for the fact that women give birth. Now, that, that in in some ways should mark you forever. Because it expands you into this insane, innate strength, beauty, wisdom, fierceness, because you've been through this rite of passage. So, I would say it's no accident they want to rush you back into the little box that you existed in before, because... You are now bigger and better and bolder, even if you're weepy and depressed than you were before you had a child, give that woman some time and space, give it, give her the nurture, give her the food she needs, give her the rest you need, teach her not to judge yourself if actually breastfeeding isn't working, give her time to bond with the child. I work with so many adults with disturbed attachment. I had disturbed attachment myself, you know, give that, give that woman time to bond with that child. So that child knows it is important. Like you just save loads on the NHS, which is what we have here or medical systems. You no longer have to problem solve the addict of, of an adult because actually they, they got, that's fine with their parent. And they know that they know that they're valued, that they're respected and that they matter. That's what you give your baby in those months, you know, and I don't judge any person who wants to go back to work. Like, if you've got that spring in your step that you're following your life path, then you go for it. But it's, it's the women that are spread too thinly and, and, and stretched between two places. They're the ones I want to scoop up and take them back home and say, it doesn't matter. Don't, don't, don't let that, don't let that sway you, you know, if you're really feeling the pull that you just want to be at home, then you, you go for that. Like,
Jenni:right. I feel like you should be given so much more of an option than. Then we are really, you know, and I mean, maybe the option is there, but the expectations are so heavily put on our shoulders to be everything. And I don't know if you feel this way, but I, I was talking to somebody else the other day and we were discussing that, As we get more attention put on progress, we're, we're not actually giving ourselves more time and more freedom. It's like we've been boxing ourselves in even more in a way because now it's not that we've given ourselves the option, we've given ourselves the expectation to be all of these things now instead of just getting to pick and choose of like, okay, yes, I want to be this amazing career woman. Awesome. Go do that. You know, or I want to be a stay at home mom and I'm going to be the most kick ass mom on the planet. Awesome. Awesome. Go do that. You know, and I feel like that's the way that it should be looked at. Whatever your choice is, badass, go be you, you know, instead it's been, it's, it's just put more on our shoulders as far as what we're supposed to do now. So now if you're not. a perfect stay at home mom, and you're not a career woman at the same time, then you're not doing enough. Like, how are you, how are you ever going to be all of these things, you know? And so you know, she was mentioning to me that her postpartum depression was coming a lot from this because she just felt like no matter what angle she took. It was never going to be up to par, I suppose, you know, and then on top of that, you're supposed to take care of your body and you're supposed to take care of your mind and you're supposed to take care of your house. Like we have a lot of a lot on our shoulders as women, right?
Chloe:Yeah, it's, it's so, it's so true and I, and I'm so resonant with that. So, you know You know, people come into my house and maybe people are like this house is a bit messy. I'm like, yeah, I play with my kids. Right? Like,
Jenni:something's gotta give, right? Like, you know, and it's
Chloe:like, what would I rather do? Like, tidy up in this moment, or like, look at that goofy smile and get that baby to laugh one more time? I know, I totally know which one I'd choose every time, you know? And... And yeah, women are somehow going to have this immaculate house and play with the children and, and go out to work and be the perfect partner and have the perfect body and go out for dinner. And, and I think there's just an unreal expectation going on and, and, and really I'm pro whatever choice anyone, one woman wants to make and hopefully she's got the financial. backing to, to have some choice because let's face it, lots of women don't have that. And on some level, the kids, kids understand that. If you have to go out to work, on some level, your child knows. Which is very different from the advice that I was giving, given, Oh, well, you'll feel better if you go back to work. Yeah. Would I? Really? How so? Yeah. How's that then? How's walking out the door and leaving my baby behind going to make me feel better? It's like this thing, like, we're wired in to be close to that baby because our primal mind is saying, if we work, walk away. We leave the cave empty for a tiger to walk in. It's like, that is not going to make me feel better, right? You know, and, and, you know, this, this misunderstanding. Of like, who, who, you know, what, what makes women feel good? What, what makes a woman feel good is listening to herself and then having the support to make the decisions that she wants to make around that. And and when I did go back to work and I, and I love my job. Absolutely love it. Like it's still a juggle some days, you know. Well, look at the beauty of our podcast, Jenny, you know, you were like. I can't make this week actually, something's come up, and I was like, go, go put your child first.
Jenni:Right. And that's the way, you know, I love that this virtual world is evolving like this to where we are getting more of an option, I guess, really to be able to stay home and figure out ways to make life work around. Being a mom, but being able to put our children first always
Chloe:you know what? And I'm so excited by that. Like, like female leadership within business is so exciting because, because I was talking to someone who's helping me out with some jobs and you know, like she got a migraine and then we were discussing whether it's to do with her period. And then we were like, Oh, maybe you shouldn't work for a few days. We'll put this into next week. And, and I love that, that, that another coach of mine, she's just gone on to maternity leave. She's like, see you all in three months. And actually it might not be three months because if me and my baby don't want to come back to work, we won't. And it's, it's starting to create a different paradigm in the business world or the way we work things that includes this feminine wisdom of, of what's the most important thing. Like, would I have last week wanted you to come on a podcast whilst you're worrying about your child? No way. And, and we're starting to infiltrate the business world. And start to say, actually, isn't that funny? I'm ovulating, therefore I'm at peak creativity. And actually, you know, I asked my clients, where are you in your cycle? Cause it's going to affect the whole session. Like if they're like humming on all cylinders, cause they're ovulating, we're going to have that sort of session. If they're just before their bleed, it's going to be dealing with the critical stuff, that the deep problems that they're facing, that their bleed kicks up for them to look at. And we'll look at that. uncomfortable critic and what she's showing you, you know, and I'm loving that this is starting to seep into this, you know, this taking down the suited front of each day, nine till five, it's going to be perfect. It's like we're rhythmical creatures with chaos inside of us. And we're starting to run our own businesses and be stay at home parents all at the same time.
Jenni:Does that not show just how strong we are as women to be able to shift things so immensely to suit us, you know, to be able to work together to do that. It's just so amazing.
Chloe:It's so good. I only work in school hours, right? It's like my value system is to see that little face when it comes out of the classroom and, and know that like, I'm there reading exactly how their day was, you know, and, and luckily I can do that and I'm clever enough to make that happen. Takes a lot of structure, but, but that's my value system and, and anybody's value system needs to be supported, whether that's, Oh, I put them to bed at night or I do them breakfast or we take it in turns, you know, it's like, but, I do love the fact that we're starting to deviate and I'm really in support of people deviating, thinking outside of the box, be a little bit rebellious. Don't work when you're bleeding.
Jenni:And you'd be surprised how much support you have, so tell me a little bit more about your practice now and what support do you offer for women? Ah,
Chloe:oh, what a lovely question. The support I offer women is based on the principle That we all arrive here kind of perfect with this living light or just ball of creativity or inspiration or self expression and life comes in and you get a few experiences happen that, that mark you and, and and then you, then you can end up in adulthood and you're like, why, why do I do that? You know, why do I self sabotage or why do I, constantly want attention but block it when it arrives at my door, or why do I struggle with my no or my yes. And so when they arrive with me, we'll, we'll look at what they might really want to have happen. That, that might be that, oh, I'd like more sexual satisfaction or I, I would like to, often they end up leaving their jobs actually deciding on this massive, great, beautiful world they want to build for themselves. But, you know, it might, it might be the, the small things are so important. It's like, oh, why, why do I find those so hard whenever I'm in a relationship? So we look at. Where in the nervous system there's a story behind that, who is it that's actually scared to say no? Is it, is it a little child, you know, or is it, is it a rebellious teenager? Or is it, is it the fact that one time there was an experience where it really went left field and we need to just repair that part of yourself? And then what you see happening is the scenario that used to trip them up or the thing that they couldn't manifest. Starts to manifest for them, or the scenario shows itself and you start responding differently to it. And you're like, wow. And this is the magic of the nervous system because you go in there and because talking therapy is the cortex. That's the front of your mind. Okay. What we want to do is go into the limbic brain, which is the bit in the middle and the primal brain, which is the bit just at the the base of your skull or the top of your neck at the back. And we want to go in there and we want to change stuff there. So you have to, you have to lean into a deeper part of yourself to create the really consolidated change. And, and so that's what I do with women. And, and it's beautiful from, from, from the repairing with the relationship with themselves or others. And also a lot of my work is based in sexuality. So when I, when I first got into the work of sexuality, I realized how blessed I was as a multi orgasmic woman. And I was so angry and sad about the number of women that hadn't had positive experiences. So some of the work that I do is very tender in, in allowing women to get in touch with that part of their bodies again. This could easily be post birth. I had to do some work with myself post birth. To. To, to start to undo some of the detrimental experiences they'd had or partners that hadn't treated them right or times, you know, you've got, you've got trauma in there and you start to digest that trauma and suddenly that part of your body comes alive again. And then, and then this goes really deep because for women, you could think about your womb as, as the most intelligent brain in your body. When you, when you start to listen from that depth of your own experience that the feminine you starts to come in alive in a very certain way, and you'll, you'll find yourself energized, you'll find yourself inspired, creative, resourceful, your listening with yourself becomes very clean. So you'll rest more when you need to rest and you'll assert yourself when you need to assert yourself. So the repair starts to get this, this beautiful self circulation when you really repair that part of your body as a woman and support it in ways that probably you'd be expert in Jenny with, with herbs or natural, natural ways. But when you, when you undo some of the damage in that area, women really start to light up and their self leadership really comes into its own. And I'm passionate about supporting that. I really am enough, enough, really, you know, so my, my big thing is body ownership and having women really take ownership of themselves. And then when, when you do that through dance or you do that through sexuality, you become a. A moving force, you know, that makes its own decisions and uses its own voice. And it's amazing how much hold certain cultures have got on us. That we somehow were owned by our culture. We can't even make decisions post birth on really what we'd like to do, or the way we'd like to parent, or how we'd really like to have our relationships, or no relationship at all, or no child at all, you know, these judgments. So body ownership is a big part of that. Women, we're meant to look a certain way, I think, speak a certain way, and it's really contradictory. We're not even told one thing, we're meant to be all these many things, like you said. Yeah. We're the virgin and the whore, you know?
Jenni:Well put, well put. Absolutely. So I'm curious and I'm sure others are curious to what does the, you know, and I know you can't go into what all the healing work is and everything like that, but what does it look like when somebody comes to you and, you know, like, what are, what are some of your methods for healing? Mm
Chloe:hmm. So one of the first things we would do and, and and there's, there's a lot of depth to what I do, but I'll give you something basic is so the primal brain doesn't really know when something is happening and when it isn't happening. Sounds kind of quirky. So when you're watching a movie and something scary happens, you notice your heart rate will go up because on some level, your brain thinks like, Oh, you know, it's happening. It's happening in the room. So. A beautiful exercise we do quite early on in the work with me is that we'll do an exercise called five sense reality. So I will ask you what it is that you really want to desire to achieve from our sessions. Maybe that would be That I'm really able to say yes when I want, and I'm really able to say no when I want. And then I would say we'll go into the five senses. So you imagine yourself completely able to say yes and no when you want. And so you'll close your eyes and I'll take you into a deep sense of relaxation. So we're starting to access the limbic and the primal brain, not the cortex at the front. The thing, not the thinky thinky part that has all the answers. We're going deeper into what that would feel like. You know, what is it you can hear? What is it that you can see? What is it you can feel and touch? What is it you can taste? And what is it you can smell when you're in that state? So there's the five senses. And we immerse the nervous system in that experience. And when the nervous system is really anchored in that experience. It realizes that nothing bad happens when, when, when you're in your yes and your no clearly. So the next time you are entertaining the yes and the no, the nervous system isn't thinking that something bad is going to happen and you're more able to say your yes and no. But what we would also do in that deep state is imagine a scenario where you're required to say no and see if the nervous system kicks up an image or a thought or a feeling and there you'll have the bit in the nervous system to reintegrate the bit that's been hidden and when you make it conscious it no longer dominates and A lot of people would say, oh, I wanna get rid of that part. We don't wanna get rid of that part. We wanna love that part because that part is probably a seven year old version of yourself or a 12 year old version or a two year old version. And, and, and it'll be scared of saying yes and no for some reason.'cause there's something happened to it. And we bring that part home and when we start to bring that part home, the emotions are released. That was, that was causing this KickUp in your nervous system. And then, and then you start to feel more love and your chi is going to run more easily. And then you're starting to repair this part of you that, that was kind of slightly malfunctioning, if you like.
Jenni:That's so vitally important, you know, and even as simple of a practice as that is, that takes you out of your thinking space, like you were saying, and into. Into the gut feels, which I think, you know, a lot of times we're taught to just ignore and you're taught to think logically and, you know, ignore those emotional feelings, ignore your gut feelings and. As women, our intuition is so incredibly powerful and every experience that we have imprints itself and affects that. And I just, I find the work that you do so beautiful that you're helping women be able to tap back into that and say, it's okay. You know, everything that you're feeling is okay and it's beautiful and it's part of you. Mm.
Chloe:Mm. And you really get to distinguish if you work with me long enough, like the hypervigilance, if you like, if you've got trauma, and I'm a PTSD survivor, so I've mapped trauma very, very thoroughly for myself to see, to see what the instinct is, what that intuition is, because the number of women I've met that have like it. I saved my own life walking away and I didn't even know there was trouble around that corner. Suddenly I turned and I walked away. You know, we do have this very strong sense of intuition, but also digesting fear that runs us, that doesn't need to be running us. That's not intuition. It's the nervous system being hypervigilant to something that probably happened 20 years ago. And then when you get a similar scenario in your current life, your nervous system thinks that that previous scenario is going to happen all over again. And we don't, we don't want that level of dominance. We want to say, ah, like, I, I, I hear you think this is happening right now, but look at what's really happening. This person loves you. This person loves you, you know.
Jenni:That is very important that you say that because sometimes those imprinted things can be confused, I guess, for the intuition, right? You know, it all kind of initially it all kind of feels the same if you don't do the work to dig in and figure out who you really are underneath it all. Yeah.
Chloe:Yeah. And, and this relationship, I think women just ace it so much, you know, and it's because of our cyclical nature that it's kind of inescapable, but emotions on the whole are your friends. They're your signposts. If you're angry and, and you're, and it's in current time, it's probably because your boundary has been transgressed. Good, get angry, assert yourself, like but if, but if, if, if, you know, you've got some messaging that it's not okay to be angry, then you end up crying instead of getting angry and then you make yourself the victim when actually someone's just transgressed your boundary and, and I'm here to unpick that mess and say, no, no, anger's good. We're going to create a neural pathway that has a healthy relationship with angry because, because you always deviate to sadness and actually we want a neural pathway that has healthy angry response, you know and, and those lovely friendly emotions, you know, that within a tantric perspective, there's no such thing as a bad or good emotion. There's just emotions.
Jenni:I had to do a lot of work on that myself, you know, over the over many, many years. And, you know, you say it was interesting. You say a lot of people default to sadness. And for me, I defaulted to anger. So it was definitely having to pick apart all of those little things and, do a lot of self work to exactly, as you said, retrain the brain to have a healthy relationship with all of the emotions as opposed to, Everything just shifting to anger right away. And it's, it's funny, like, you know, I look back on it and I feel like I'm not even the same person anymore. And I feel like a lot of women that have taken time to do healing in whatever way they choose, they tend to feel the same way that. When they start looking at everything differently and start acknowledging who they are on the inside and being okay with who they are and everything that has made them who they are. It is so incredibly empowering that it just shifts everything. It shifts your entire perspective. Yeah, doesn't
Chloe:it just, and, and, and when you're doing this level of work, self love is so important, which, which I wasn't very good at, you know, I was kind of like, what's the self love thing, you know, like I was good at loving people but like I said earlier, loving myself or taking care of myself was, was, was the missing link, you know, and when you do do it, you do need that level of self love because, because you're bringing the painful parts home, aren't you? For you to, to work out why, why do I do anger and not sadness? And then, and then like having the bravery to start to make a relationship with sadness and, and, and use it appropriately for yourself. Because. I mean, sadness is so important. It completes the stress cycle, you know. We all need sadness because when we cry, we complete that stress cycle and then you haven't got something stored that you're going to have to have a little look at later.
Jenni:It's nice to have that release
Chloe:yeah, yeah. And working out for yourself. What, like, we're all different versions, aren't we? Like, do you like crying on your own? Do you like crying whilst having a hug with somebody? Do you like crying? You know, so that you can create this, you know, easier scenario for you to get that release, you know?
Jenni:Absolutely. So, you know, as we're kind of wrapping up a little bit, I would love for you to share a little bit of advice to any women who are currently working towards loving themselves more.
Chloe:God, it kind of almost makes me a bit tearful even thinking about that, you know. I think reclamation is such an important word here, and if you're working towards loving yourself more, you're likely to be going back to all the parts of yourself that on some level you were taught to reject, yeah? And I'm so sorry that you were taught to reject those parts, and, and I've been there, and I rejected many parts of me, and I'm so sorry you were taught to reject those parts, but those parts are now welcome, you know, whether, whether it's the tearful part of you, or, or the, the assertive part of you, or the fiery part of you, or the part that, You know, collapsed and, and when you bring them home, they have such good pieces of advice for you that actually it's a celebration when you do, you know, and no one has to earn self worth. If you're here on this planet, you, you, you are equally as important as everybody else here and you deserve love and you deserve respect of yourself and everybody around you. That doesn't have to be earned. So so starting with the small things and building up to the big things is, is a really positive place to be.
Jenni:Thank you so much for coming and talking with us today and for anybody that would like to find you and work with you a little bit more closely how might they be able to find you?
Chloe:If feralgrace. net You can line up a free call with me and I'll hang out with you and you can email me at hello at feralgrace. net as well.
Jenni:Beautiful. And I'll include that in the bio as well for anybody. And thank you again for joining us today. It was an absolute pleasure getting to talk with you. You are just amazing and I'm so happy we're connected.
Chloe:Thank you so much for having me on the show. And I'm just so glad that I found you, Jenny. You're amazing.
Jenni:Thank you all for being here with us today. If you would like to further discuss this topic or if you're ready to begin a healing journey of your own, I am here for you through the link in our show notes or through Instagram at liveyourlegend. Love and gratitude till Tuesday.