Gentry's Journey
Women of the Waiting Room Special Edition ft Dr AudreyAnn Moses Co Author
When life presents us with pivotal chapters, it's the wisdom of those like Dr. Audrey Ann that light the way. On Gentry's Journey, we're graced with the presence of this Christian life coach and author whose new book "Dead Girl Walking" embodies the transformative journey she champions. Her approach to personal growth through biblical teachings offers solace and direction to those navigating life's transitions. As we reflect on the anticipation surrounding her literary milestone, we also delve into the essence of her work - guiding individuals to find fulfillment in their careers, relationships, and spiritual paths.
Ever wondered how military service can shape a person's life after their tour ends? Our conversation takes an intimate turn as we uncover how a former Navy sailor's experience led to a profound calling in counseling and life coaching. Dr. Audrey Ann's story of transitioning from the structure of military life to the freedom of coaching resonates with anyone seeking to redefine their purpose post-service. Her distaste for the limitations of traditional psychotherapy gave rise to a career that prioritizes swift, impactful progress for her clients, highlighting the importance of mutual expectations in career satisfaction.
In this heartfelt episode, we don't shy away from the tougher topics like family manipulation or the silent battles with substance abuse and mental health. Dr. Audrey Ann's insights reveal the intricate dance between acknowledging our fears and embracing the healing process. As we wrap up, we're reminded of the sanctity of self-love, with reading and writing as tools for personal fulfillment. Join us as we celebrate the courage it takes to seek self-improvement and the joy of discovering one's path with the guidance of faith and a trusted life coach.
When life presents us with pivotal chapters, it's the wisdom of those like Dr. Audrey Ann that light the way. On Gentry's Journey, we're graced with the presence of this Christian life coach and author whose new book "Dead Girl Walking" embodies the transformative journey she champions. Her approach to personal growth through biblical teachings offers solace and direction to those navigating life's transitions. As we reflect on the anticipation surrounding her literary milestone, we also delve into the essence of her work - guiding individuals to find fulfillment in their careers, relationships, and spiritual paths.
Ever wondered how military service can shape a person's life after their tour ends? Our conversation takes an intimate turn as we uncover how a former Navy sailor's experience led to a profound calling in counseling and life coaching. Dr. Audrey Ann's story of transitioning from the structure of military life to the freedom of coaching resonates with anyone seeking to redefine their purpose post-service. Her distaste for the limitations of traditional psychotherapy gave rise to a career that prioritizes swift, impactful progress for her clients, highlighting the importance of mutual expectations in career satisfaction.
In this heartfelt episode, we don't shy away from the tougher topics like family manipulation or the silent battles with substance abuse and mental health. Dr. Audrey Ann's insights reveal the intricate dance between acknowledging our fears and embracing the healing process. As we wrap up, we're reminded of the sanctity of self-love, with reading and writing as tools for personal fulfillment. Join us as we celebrate the courage it takes to seek self-improvement and the joy of discovering one's path with the guidance of faith and a trusted life coach.
A moment I've been waiting on, and my soul is overflowing With anxieties and expectations and full of desires. I just want it so bad, you know.
Speaker 2:And it just seems so real.
Speaker 3:I just want to reach out and touch it for what all disappears?
Speaker 1:Good evening everyone. Good evening Dr Audrey Ann. I'm welcome to Gentry's Journey. I do appreciate your time and you coming on to share with us. Just going to go ahead and open up with a scripture. He has told you, oh man, what is good and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God, and that comes from Micah 6 and 8. All right, dr Audrey Ann, thank you so much for being a guest on Gentry's Journey and, as I was doing a little research on you, you're an author, christian life coach, master trainer and adult education and adult ministries, so you you have quite a bit and never say can't counseling and life coach right, right, it's christian, um never say can't christian life coaching consultant, bible-based, obviously but, obviously I I do personal growth, self-care.
Speaker 2:Transition Meaning people's changing jobs or changing relationships, or moving to a new town, anything where you have to change your way of life, you know, regroup, how you normally do things to adjust to a different area, or something like that, and that's all Bible based as well.
Speaker 1:If that's your premise, I guess that's what you would have to do across the board. You know it has to be Christian based across the board to stay with the consistency of your beliefs and the consistency of your teaching.
Speaker 2:Yes, ma'am, okay, exactly.
Speaker 1:Well, great, Now I did finish reading Dead Girl Walking and I loved it. I was so happy.
Speaker 2:Go ahead. I was so happy because you are my first order for the paperback.
Speaker 1:OK, OK, ok OK. I was like oh, look at this, Caroline. Yeah, yeah, I decided to just come all the way through, come through.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it. You know, I said, oh, look at this, I'm so happy. I said, oh, look at this, I'm so happy. This book has really had me on the verge of tears for like the last week or so.
Speaker 1:And why is that?
Speaker 2:Because of the release You're going to have a virtual launch on Sunday correct. Yes, I'm going to have a virtual launch. I've never had that before. I've never had bestseller before this book OK. And you know, it's just so many things, and I feel like I have so many good people rallying around me, you know, to help me reach my goal. It's just, you know, I'm just overwhelmed. I'm just overwhelmed because, you know, the Lord is so good to us and the Lord always gives us what we need when we need it.
Speaker 2:I totally agree, this little book, it has just really pushed me to a different level and I'm just really grateful for it.
Speaker 1:That's great. I mean, that's absolutely wonderful. Now let's start with a couple more questions. What led you to pursue a career in?
Speaker 2:coaching. Well, I've always been the one that people came to you know with their with issues, or how to fix this or how to do that, or he said she said those sort of things and I guess because I'm the oldest.
Speaker 2:you know part of that is that's just part of the job, you know. But when I was in the Navy, joining the Navy has been like my lifelong goal from probably before I was born. I always wanted to be a sailor, be in the Navy, and. But while I was in the Navy I got an opportunity to be a sailor, be in the Navy. But while I was in the Navy I got an opportunity to be a counselor and I really really enjoyed it. I really enjoyed helping people. I really enjoy helping them.
Speaker 2:Part of my job was to help sailors to move forward in their job. Whatever their job was in the Navy. I helped them to get the schools they needed for extra training. I helped them to decide where they were going to work next, and so that's what my job was while I was in the Navy and I really loved it. And when I got out, I continued to do that job for the Navy as a civilian. Then I decided to go ahead and get my degree in psychology, but my bachelor's degree was in adult education, because I knew I wanted to teach and I knew I wanted to be involved with adults. So all of that kind of came together with my working with adults, me working with them on a counseling basis and becoming a life coach After I stopped teaching. I decided to become a coach because I really didn't like traditional psychotherapy, because I don't like insurance companies number one.
Speaker 2:I don't like insurance companies number one because I don't like. I don't like. You know, you and I. You are my client and you are telling me what you need from me and an insurance company is saying, oh, she don't really need that, so we're not going to pay for it. How?
Speaker 1:do they know what you?
Speaker 2:really need, and so I didn't like traditional therapy because I didn't like having to deal with insurance companies. And as a coach, I don't have to deal with insurance companies oh great. The other thing is that I like helping people get from A to B as quickly as possible. You know, if, if you notice, in traditional therapy you know somebody can be working with a psychologist for years and years, and years, and years and years, and I just didn't want that. You know, I wanted, I wanted my clients to be able to decide what it is they want, where they want to go, and if they don't know, that's what I'm here for to help them to figure all of that out. You know, figure out why are you where you, why are you stuck where you are right now? And then, once we get that identified, then we can learn, we can figure out how to move you forward from there and and get you the tools you need and get you moving so that you can move on and do life without me. Absolutely.
Speaker 2:So that's why I like coaching.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:But I do counseling as a psychotherapist, but I am certified as a Christian life coach and I really do love my job Well that's great. I love working with people.
Speaker 1:Okay, when you love what you do.
Speaker 2:It's not really work right.
Speaker 1:It makes it a lot easier it does make it a lot easier. Now let's back up a little bit. How many years did you serve? 22 and a half. Oh, that's great. That's great, and thank you for your service.
Speaker 2:I joined when I was 19. Thank you very much. I joined when I was 19 and I retired when I was 41 or 42, I can't remember now because I've been retired as long as I was on active duty. I retired in 1996 that's wonderful after 22 and a half years. Okay.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you for your service. I mean because you guys can really retire at 20 years, correct?
Speaker 2:Yes, at 20 years you can retire.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's what I thought. Well, that's wonderful. It's good to hear those stories about service, how people got in, what did they do while they were in and how it benefited them. And that's what you really want you, you need a purpose. You need a purpose, like I tell people don't let the job work. You, you work the job you work the job right and there is a difference there's a big difference.
Speaker 2:I tell people in the Navy like sometimes people say why did you stay in there? How did you stay in that long? I said because the Navy expected a certain quality of work for me and I expected a certain quality of work from them. And we got along Okay. You know, they did for me what I needed them to do for me and I did for them what they needed me to do for them, and it worked out fine. And I mean, in any job, that's how it should be.
Speaker 1:I agree, I agree.
Speaker 2:You know that's how it should be. And people tell me I just don't know if I could work at the Navy. But you can work in the mill, you know you can work at you know some factory or you can work as a, you know, as some big corporate job you know 52 hours a week, you know I understand that I understand. But you can't work for the Navy. To me. I think I had the better end of the deal.
Speaker 1:It sounds that way and you're not the first military individual to tell me that. In fact, I can't quote him exactly, so I'm going to paraphrase. A lot of people have things to say about the military, but it worked well for me. And I tell new grads or my students when you get on your first job because I have nursing students when you get on your first job, after you get through orientation and all this stuff, search the benefits to see what benefits will benefit you, whether it's tuition reimbursement, whether it's free tuition. Search that to see just how it's going to benefit you. Yeah, that's because you need to get as much out of the company as you're willing to put in the company.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:So if they have a benefit that is worth you pursuing, pursue it. It's not just coming to work, exactly.
Speaker 2:With the military, with the Navy. The Navy is still working with me Now.
Speaker 2:I retired in 1996, 28 years ago, you know and um well, not 28, maybe like 25, but, anyway, you know, like I said, I've been retired longer than I was on active duty, okay, and from I retired October 31st 1996. And from November 1st of 1996 until this day I have not had to want for anything. You know I get my retirement check on time every month, on time every month. I get my retirement check. I have my benefits. You know I feel my heart hurts for people that have to search for medical insurance and you know their co-pay costs more than what the insurance is going to pay.
Speaker 2:And you know just all this kind of stuff, you know that I don't have to deal with, because I did my job for 22 and a half years and now my reward from the navy is that they take for, take care of me, even in death, you know yeah take care of me. You know I feel like I have a. I got a really. You know I got the better end of the deal. I feel like Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And it sounds that way.
Speaker 2:I mean, you don't sound as though you know, sometimes I put somebody's name on the drive-by shooting list and I'm sure somebody put my name on the drive-by shooting list. But you know, for the most part, you know we all work together, we did what we had to do and we all came out. We're still alive, you know, and God has been good. You know, and what more can you ask for?
Speaker 1:And that's what I was just getting ready to say. What more can you ask? You know, um, it benefited you. It, like you said, I benefited them and they benefited me, and that that's what everyone should seek in employment. It's, you know, don't be. Just, I had to tell, was like, well, have a good day at work, how can you have a good day at work? I was like it's really a mindset. It really is a mindset. So if you're going in gloom, doom and defeated, no one can save you.
Speaker 2:No one can save you, nobody can save you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no matter what kind of job you have, it does not matter, no matter how much money you make, yeah. And I was like I kind of enjoy my job, I enjoy going to work and like I do and I don't think I'm being a nerd about it, I just think and as I look back, I cannot believe I did 38 years of nursing and I'm still doing, I'm still nursing, I'm still nursing on some, still nursing on some level, on some level. So, and I was like where did the time go?
Speaker 1:yeah so that's not drudgery to me. That is being satisfied in what you're doing exactly that's what it's all about.
Speaker 2:You know a lot. Well, it's about, you know, when we say being satisfied, it's about allowing ourselves to be satisfied. You know, I tell a lot of people I say, you know, when I'm working with clients, I say you have to allow yourself the privilege of being happy. You have to allow yourself that. You have to allow yourself, you have to allow your brain to think good thoughts. You know, because if you don't, your brain is going to think whatever it thinks and your brain is going to think on a level that it feels at the moment. You know. So if you're having a pain, if you're having pains, your brain is going to say OK, we're having pain, so we need to be miserable because we're having pains. Your brain is going to say okay, we're having pain, so we need to like be miserable because we're having pain. Yeah. Or we could say, like a good friend of mine, she says I praise God for the pain because I know I'm alive.
Speaker 1:I've heard that too, that I've heard as well. I've heard that from some of my patients. Yeah, so it is a mindset, it's a mindset, it's a mindset.
Speaker 2:It's yeah, so it is a mindset, it's a mindset, it's a mindset, yeah, so I, I, I try to keep that self, keep that mindset even for myself and I try to encourage my clients to to think about things in more of a positive way and um and and how you can help other people as well. You know you work through this little huddle. Now you can help somebody else work through this little huddle because you know what to do and you know how to get through the labyrinth. You know how to get through it, you know. Absolutely so. That's how. I try to work with my clients.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, and speaking of how you work with your clients, what is your approach to coaching individuals in their Christian life and their personal growth journey?
Speaker 2:What approach do you use? Just like you said from um, I let them know what my goal is. My goal is to help them to see jesus in everything that they are doing. You know, I, my goal is to help them to learn how to seek out the, the guidance of the holy spirit. And so when I'm working with clients even if I'm working with a client that is just really not that much into, not religion but spirituality, not much in, okay, yeah, god, whatever, you know, I still try to get them to see how important prayer is. You know. You know pray over these things, and then you know, see what happens.
Speaker 2:You know what can you lose if, if you pray to ask God to help you to find a job. You know, if you, if you pray over a job, a specific job, you know, okay, lord, I have this information about this job. What should I do? What harm will it cause? Because, when it all boils down to the bottom, you are going to do what you need to do. If the Holy Spirit encourages you to do that, great.
Speaker 2:If you decide to just do it on your own, then it may be good, it may be not, you know, but I always let people understand that I'm always going to be biblical. You're not going to hear me just talking about stuff off the top of my head because preacher John said it on the internet. You know I don't do that Everything. When I work with my clients, I always use scripture to help them to see that every single situation that occurs on the face of this earth there's a scripture for it. And you can go to the Bible and you can find comfort in the Bible and you can find ideas for how to move forward in your life in the Bible. And I don't argue with people. I don't argue with people about scripture. I don't argue with people about the Bible. I don't argue with people about God.
Speaker 2:You believe whatever you want to believe, but if you come to me, you already know that anything I'm going to do or say is going to be referenced by God said in his word blah blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, let us pray. You know, if you don't want to hear that, then you're perfectly welcome to go to somebody else, and my feelings won't be hurt, Sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now can you share us this? I'm sorry, go ahead. Go ahead, dr.
Speaker 2:I was just going to say that you know, so far I have not had any um, um, aggravated clients. I did. I had a client that stopped seeing me because she she had a situation that she wanted to resolve, but in order to resolve that situation she had to do A, b and C and she did not want to do B and C and so she stopped coming to see me. So I don't know if her situation got resolved or not, because she wasn't willing to do the work.
Speaker 1:And that's what I was going to say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Right, she wasn't willing to do the work and she wasn't willing to separate herself from certain things she was doing that was toxic and and because she didn't want to do that, she stopped seeing me and and I pray for her. Whenever she comes to my mind. I pray for her, but I I don't know where she is or what she's doing.
Speaker 1:I don't know you know, um, I often tell my patients, um, they come in. You know they, uh, I've done cardiac the majority of my nursing career, probably all all of my nursing career, some form of cardiac nursing, and you know so there's a lot of teaching that goes in. You know exercise diet. You know medication compliance. You know let's try to lose the weight. And when they start telling me, oh, my husband don't cook with no salt, my husband do all the cooking, and you know, and I have this going on and I have this and I don't mind walking, and I'd be like, well, it's not showing. You know I don't say it to them. So they're trying to. You know the term. You know what people are using now is gaslighting. But you know you're trying to appease me.
Speaker 1:I'm not the one lying on the stretcher, I'm not the one lying in bed, and it's showing. I mean, the cardiac calf is showing that you need to do this, that and the other. The chest pain is a sign that you're not doing some of the things that you want to do this, that and the other. The, uh, the chest pain is a sign that you're not doing some of the things that you want to do. Um, your weight is showing me that you're not eating properly. And and I'm like am I just, you know, do they? Do? They think we don't exist as human beings? Um, you know, but I said that to say this they're not willing to put in the work. When they come to you with all of that, they're not willing to put in the work. And exactly, and patients are comical, you know they're comical.
Speaker 1:I had a patient. She told me she weighed, uh, let's say, 299 pounds, and so I talked to you you always have a work, buddy and I said, nancy, she said she weighed 299. She said she just didn't want to say 300. And I didn't even think about that. That went over my head, yeah, I understand that Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Dr Audrey go ahead, dr audrey, go ahead, because, uh, some of my stuff is just kind of idiot, I mean it's real it's very real.
Speaker 2:No, it is real. And I was saying I understand that because, um, you know, just looking at me, I get on the scale and it says um4. And so, and then I'm like, ok, I got all my clothes so I can take off four pounds, so I really say 291, 190. It's that, you know. But you know the same thing happens in coaching, because I have, you know, I'll have a client. Same thing happens in coaching, because I have, you know, I'll have a client. You know I'll have someone that's trying to regroup with their spiritual life. Sure.
Speaker 2:And they're single. And I was in that world because I was single for a very, very, very long time after my divorce, sure. And so it's not like I didn't understand, but but when? But when, you know, people say things to me like, well, you know, I want to have a better, better spiritual life. Um, you know, I don't, I don't want to make John move out. So I'm like, how can you have a spiritual relationship with God and have a non-marital sexual relationship with John at the same time?
Speaker 1:How can you do that? Yeah, a friend of mine and I were just having that conversation about an hour ago and I was like you know, everyone tries to justify everything and you can justify it, but does it still make sense? Um, the answer is no. The answer is no. Um, it's wow, it is, it's absolutely wow. And then they want you to believe that and right is right and wrong is wrong, you know, and um, it is what it is. If that's what you want to do, then that's what you do, but you don't have to justify it to. If that's what you want to do, then that's what you do, but you don't have to justify it to me and that's what I try to get people to see. I'm not in this equation. I don't have to be the one you have to sell this to. You know, to sell it to yourself.
Speaker 2:Sell it to God, don't sell it to me?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because there's nothing I can do, don't sell it to me. Yeah, because there's nothing I can do. You know, people always are saying that. I have my friends tell me that, even my husband sometimes. He says sometimes you don't put your words together very well, and I'm like what do you mean? Because I mean facts are facts, facts are facts. You know, truth is truth. There is no in-between. Logic is logic. There is no in-between. So if you're going to tell me you want to do A and B, but you have to also do C and D, but you don't want to do C and D, you just only want to do A and B, and then you want the outcome to be as if you did A, b, c and D yeah, so you have completed everything. Yeah, it doesn't work like that. You walk the whole road or just stay where you are, and either way, that's your decision to make, not mine. And that's another reason why I don't do whimpering very well.
Speaker 1:I guess that's a terrible thing to say no, it's not, and I get that. Everybody. You know I've run into all type of personalities, uh, when dealing with healthcare professionals, physicians, um, and you know some of them have talkative, some not so much, you know. So I say what do you want? What do you want in this individual? Do you want the quality of work that they provide? Or you need somebody to hold your hand?
Speaker 1:yeah, maybe because we're talking about your health now all of it and and that's my point uh, you know, I mean you don't have to come in and and butter me up let's, let's, let's talk, let's come, let's get to the business part of what needs to happen, but I don't want you to be rude to me either. So there does need to be a healthy balance and we need to accept that. We need to accept that you know conforming. Do you want them to conform Because they're not, or do you have to conform Because you have to conform to the situation because, guess what, you're in the middle of the situation, just like the patient I was telling you didn't want to say that she weighed 300 pounds.
Speaker 1:As soon as her cardiac catheterization came back clear, because we had talked about diet and talked about um exercise and she was all gung-ho. Soon as that hard calf came back clear, I could tell she said, well, I'm just gonna um, probably start my diet next week. And I went. You know, I just threw my, you know, not not in front of her, but you know, in my. I just threw my hands up in the air. There goes all my good teaching, you know. But it's okay, it's okay. You know, that's just people for you. That is exactly who they are, and we just have to learn how to adapt. Well, what we do as healthcare professionals, we just state the facts, that's all we can do. The patient, I think sometimes they don't think we're human and they don't think we go through anything, so they feel as though they can sell us a bag of goods that does not exist.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and not knowing that whatever they tell us is the information that we have to go by to help them Absolutely To to, to recover from whatever it is they're dealing with.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yeah. And honesty even in healthcare. I'm not even in, but in healthcare honesty is what we need from you and you know. So people come in and you know we ask these barrage of questions. It's not because we're nosy, it's because it's, you know, it's kind of mandated. And when you get to the one about okay, do you use any illegal?
Speaker 1:oh no, no, no, no. And then I was like well, um, we do have your results from your lab work and it says that you've done this, this, this, and then what you're like, okay, it's like no no, no, my brother, he does all of that, and then if I'm around, you know, yeah, then they switch it up yeah, but it's you know you're so over it.
Speaker 1:You're so over it. Um, and I say it's just a question, we don't alert the authorities of your use. That's not our role. You know this is patient confidentiality. You know that's a HIPAA violation, but we already know, and one guy even asked me how'd you know? I was like once we get your urine and your blood baby. We got you. We got you they don't think about that, though. They don't, they don't, they don't, they don't, Mercy.
Speaker 1:And even today, in what this is, 2024, they still don't think about that. They just think they can sell you a bag of goods and you are going to purchase that bag of goods and believe everything they say. So it's just, it's just. You know, you have to have a degree of just keeping an open mind when it comes to people, keeping an open mind when it comes to patients, because, just like in dead girl walking, we all need someone to listen.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we want someone to listen, and that's just even in life, because you know people blow you off. They already come up with a situation that they feel that you're in and they labeled you as that and that could be so far from the truth. So allow people sometimes to express themselves that way you can and when they trust you, you'll get more of them.
Speaker 1:You'll get that authentic person yeah, yeah and I think that's what we well, I learned it in nursing. You know, you just have to be open and honest with people, and nine times out of ten they will, because patients will tell nurses a lot and they won't even tell their physicians.
Speaker 2:They won't tell their family, but they will tell us or like me he'll come and tell me something, and then I'm looking at the nurse to to validate what he's saying.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, absolutely you know it. It is um and it's. You have to you on people to a degree. You have to because they're coming with it. They want you to be gullible, they want you to believe everything they say and you have to reassure them that it's going to be okay. Not that that's necessarily psych, but you have to set limits on their behavior and you have to listen. Yeah, because if you don't, they will run all over you. That does just be it. They'll run all over you.
Speaker 2:They will and I was listening. I had to take my aunt to the emergency room the other day and I was just listening to all the different conversations going on and I'm like, hmm, and one conversation we were hearing you could clear. I mean, I am like you know the least person.
Speaker 2:Anybody should ask questions about what goes on in the medical world. And I knew that this guy wasn't telling the truth, you know. I mean you could tell that the nurses was like okay, come on now, mr John, you know I'm going to ask you. Okay, I need you to tell me blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, then you know, eventually he told them what they wanted to know. But it was basically what you was just saying. They had to keep had to keep saying, mr john, if you don't answer, us right.
Speaker 1:How are we going to help you? Absolutely, absolutely, and that is the premise of what we want. We need the information so that we can relay it to the physician and we can get you the proper treatment. It's not that we need to know your dirty little secrets. We're not trying to, and a lot of people these days, when they come in, they'll tell you not where I work. But I have worked with clients all over the United States and some people are very open about their drug use. Yeah, I had two bags of heroin today, today. Well see, I don't even know what that means. All I know is I see that you've had two bags of heroin and I'd be like wow, used to be a time people wouldn't even tell it, you know. Now they do. How come you're not?
Speaker 2:In my brain I'm thinking Isn't that like dead?
Speaker 1:No, it's far from that. It's far from that. It's far from that. And then, when they get to feeling better, even in the emergency room, they'll say I'll see y'all later. You're like, no, you need to stay so you can get more work up. No, I got to go, and then you'll see them back in two days, and it's. You know, it's the non-compliance. For me, it's the non-compliance. And then you're using the emergency room as a one-stop shop to tank you up so that you can feel better and get back out into the streets to do what you need to do. Wow, you know. So it really is an abuse of the system, if you really want to look at it that way, but you're further abusing your body.
Speaker 2:Your own Right, right, because that's what I'm just thinking. I'm thinking, man, they just don't understand how much trauma they're putting on their bodies and that's what I look at.
Speaker 1:I look at that. You know you don't really really realize what you're doing to your body. And I told a friend of mine years ago and she was like, oh, he just looks so bad, he looks so dried up. I said, well, if he's looking that way on the outside, just imagine what he's looking like on the inside. I said because you heal from the inside out, so you get sick from the inside and then it starts displaying itself outwardly. So you're messing with your organs. You know you're altering them. You know, whether you think about that or not, but that's where a lot of your other comorbidities are going to come from. You're destroyed. You're slowly tinkering away at your kidneys. You're slowly tinkering away at your kidneys. You're slowly tinkering away at your heart. You're slowly tinkering away at your lungs. You know, and they don't think about that, they just think about what they need right here, right now, and they want it and go.
Speaker 2:And yeah, and that's I mean on the psychological side. It's the same thing. Psychological side is the same thing. When people are having anxiety or in depression and people don't tend to understand how that really works, they'll say, oh, I'm just really worried about something, or I'm having anxiety, or they're having stress attacks or different things, and but it all boils down really to you got to find out what's causing the stress, what's causing the anxiety. You know, if we find out what's causing the anxiety, ok, why are you afraid? Why are you afraid? I'm afraid because it could.
Speaker 2:It don't even have to be somebody is abusive or whatever it could be that I'm afraid because I know that. You know I don't have enough money to make my bills. You know to pay my bills every month, and so I'm paying them, but it's getting harder and harder and so. So now they have developed stress, you know they've developed anxiety over that and they are beginning to have stress over that, and then they're beginning to have depression over that and the depression is getting worse and worse. And now you know they are so worked up because they don't have enough money to cover their bills and they're not able to live a what they consider to be a substantial lifestyle. And so how? How do I make all of this stop? And now they're considering suicide.
Speaker 2:But people don't realize that it all started because of some anxiety, and the anxiety started because of some fear about something you know, and most of the time it's really hard to dig down enough. Even as coaches, you know, we have to dig down enough so that we can find where the fear is coming from. And then, if you can find where the fear is coming from, my fear is that I'm never going to be able to get promoted at my job. And and and I, okay, you don't feel you're going to get promoted at your job. So you know, why can't you look for another job? Well, I don't think I'm qualified to look for another job.
Speaker 2:Well, if you are doing this job here at at building A, how come you can't do the same job at building B? Well, you know, they do different, you know. And so they start making up these excuses for why they are not qualified to even apply for the job, to even apply for the job and so. So, as opposed to putting themselves out there you know, it's that fear. So, instead of putting themselves out there, they will stay where they are and become more and more and more miserable where they are, and and that misery carries over into their outside of the workplace life, and so they are just miserable continuously for the rest of their lives. I agree.
Speaker 2:And can you imagine a person that stays in a position like that for 30 years in order to retire and then they retire and they don't even get enough money to pay for health insurance with their retirement? So now they're still miserable until they die? That they held so tightly prevented them from making a change in their life so that they could do better and be better and feel better. You know, and so, and I love, I love working with people like that because it's like you know you have to peel and just continue to peel and continue to peel until you help them to see where the problem is. Not ABC, the problem is us. We are the problem because we will not allow our brains to turn loose, that fear of that's plaguing us. You know we won't allow our because we don't feel we are qualified, we don't feel we're worthy to move to something else or to do something else or to go somewhere else. You know we feel, and even in a marriage, you I, I am the last person to advocate divorce.
Speaker 2:I got divorced because my husband and I were stupid. And I tell people that my husband and I, we got divorced because it was in the eighties and divorce was easy and you just go to the judge and you say we don't get along anymore. And they say okay, and they give you a divorce. You know and um and um, but I don't condone divorce just for the sake of divorce. Of course there's going to be reasons that are valid for divorce. If there's abuse, if there's you know all these different things that that are not safe. That's one thing. But if, um, if you're wanting a divorce just because you don't get along, no, there's something else going on there. He doesn't make the bed right, stuff like that. So I like working with people like that to help them to see what their part is in whatever the situation is, and what can they do to to make changes in themselves, to correct their part, because you can't correct the other person's part. Only the other person can correct their part, you know and that's what I tell people.
Speaker 1:You can't raise grown folks, right, you can't raise them.
Speaker 2:You can barely raise yourself.
Speaker 1:That's my point. You have to constantly work on you and you can't work. This is my thing. Okay, you meet someone. They have a mom and a dad, they have already been raised and then you meet someone who doesn't like your mom or your dad. You're like well, how can you like him when you don't like his parents? He is an offshoot of his parents. That is nuts. That's nuts to me and I'm like how do you fix that? How can you like the individual but you don't like?
Speaker 2:their family. How does that work? And again, you have to figure out what the why is and you have to figure out how that happened. You have to figure out how that happened. Oh, you know, you have to figure out what the why is and go from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, no, it's, it's not go ahead. I'm sorry. No, I was gonna say people don't want to do the work. No, they don't want to do the work, but you want to alter the work that has already been placed. You can't change. Well, you can manipulate people, but at the core, that is who that individual is.
Speaker 2:Right, I agree.
Speaker 1:That is who they are. You know so, and I know some families don't get along with each other. I'm not saying that. But you want to take them from their family, whom they have grown up with. You know, been birthed by the mom, and then, all of a sudden, you just can't stand the mom. What happened? What did the mom do? Nothing, nothing. Oh, something's wrong with you. You know you have to, you just have to put it where it is something's wrong with you and and it is, um, it's selfish, it's unrealistic. But you find people who manipulate, they find people they can manipulate and, uh, they will manipulate you all around this world and then pretend like they haven't done anything.
Speaker 2:Right Now. I have seen I have worked with people with in-law issues. Oh, I have, I have.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness I am like. I am so glad they are not my in-laws. Oh sure, because you do have people that you know. A prime example in my family. There was a situation in my family where the mother had the mother had decided who she wanted the son to marry, but the son didn't marry that person. The son married somebody else. She treated that somebody else horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. And the more we said, the more we got on her about it, the worse. It got to the point where they ended up getting a divorce.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then she was happy.
Speaker 1:And there are some. I've seen some in-laws do that as well. You know they want to use. They want to use the, let's say, the daughter, daughter-in-law or the son-in-law like workhorses. You don't ask this of your children. You need to be going to your children first. These people you don't really even know you want to use them for as a workhorse.
Speaker 1:That's not how they're supposed to be no I I don't, I don't, I don't get that, but I guess that's supposed to be. No, I don't get that, but I guess that's where it comes in, with you with your Christian life coaching. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, christian, and as a Christian coach, sometimes I have to remind the parents that they are the ones that are not abiding by the laws of God, because the first thing a parent want to say, honor your mother and your father, I say yes. But it also says do not vex your children to anger, absolutely. Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yes, god, if that teenager said something wrong or acted in a wrong way that's disrespectful to his parent, god is going to work. God is going to deal with that child, but at the same time, god is going to deal with the parent because of what the parent did that moved that child to that point. I agree and see a lot of times we don't think, you know, as adults. I agree, people try to use the Bible to to make whatever it is they want to happen. Parents do the same thing. Husbands and wives do the same thing. You know, they try to make the scriptures work to their benefit. And and I don't, I don't do that.
Speaker 2:No, you know this is what it says and we all know that this is what it means. So, no, you can't use this as an excuse to beat up on your wife or your husband or your children. You can't be abusive because the Bible says such and such as such, you know. The Bible says you know, if you're, if you know. I thought it don't mean that you, you know, hurt people just because you want to.
Speaker 1:I agree, that's not what it means. No, that's not what it means. And if you would read down a little further or read up a little further, you would know that it's just that they take that one scripture or two scriptures and they weaponize it and they keep you on a chokehold. Well, that's not even. That's not even Christ-like. That is manipulation. That is of the devil, you know. Go somewhere and sit down and you know. If you got them on a chokehold, that's fine, you and them. That's between you and the Lord, and how you have abused your children, your spouse or even neighbors or whomever you know. You know. First thing, people say oh, praise the Lord, and you'd be like for real.
Speaker 2:I'm like you know, a lot of times I'll be like Jesus, keep me near the cross. Because I've been wanting to reach out and touch, especially if I don't work with children anymore. But when I was working with children, sometimes I would want to reach out and touch the parents. Sure, because the parents were the problem. The parents were the reason, not the child. And so I would have a teacher saying Well, johnny is doing this, and Johnny and Susie is doing that, and Susie is doing this. And then when I do my home visit, I see how come Johnny and Susie Is doing what they're doing. You know it's because of the parent. You know I'm like, oh my.
Speaker 3:Oh Lord, help me you know I, I'm like oh, my, oh Lord, help me.
Speaker 1:You know, I think another thing, dr Audrean parents give children too much information that they are not mature enough to process.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And that's not nurturing your child 's, that's another manipulating your child. Uh, your child is not supposed to be your sounding board against your spouse, against your boyfriend, against other adults against your workplace.
Speaker 1:it's, it's not. None of that is for them to know, because they don't understand that and you know. So no, you know, keep them on a child's level. I was, someone had asked me something one day. I was out and I was about to answer her and I said, oh, oh. I said no, this is a little bit too heavy. I don't really talk around kids.
Speaker 1:And so she looked around, the parent looked around to see what child was there. It was her own. And so she told her daughter to move over a little bit or go, you know, go on the other side. Because we were in a room and she said go over there for just a little while. Because we were in a room and she said go over there for just a little while. The little girl looked at her and kicked her hip out and her foot out and did not move. And I said okay, then, girlfriend, I'll just talk with you later. And I was done with it. I was absolutely done with it, because I don't have conversations. I mean, this child don't think she was 10. I don't do that, you know. That's just me, you know. Call me old fogey, call me a lot of things.
Speaker 1:No, I'm the same way, you know, and so I'm the same way. A week later, go ahead, go ahead, no, go ahead. A week later she came back up to me and she said my daughter is just growing up. She came back up to me and she said my daughter is just growing up. You know, she's as tall as I am, I said, but she's still a child. So I guess she's going to convince me. No, I don't need convincing. These are my principles that I stand on. I don't need convincing.
Speaker 1:And the mom's feelings got hurt and I realized her feelings got hurt and another lady heard her telling me that and she said you're right. You know, you're right, carolyn, you know they still kids and you know we have to treat them as a. And she didn't know the the premise of the conversation. She knew nothing about what the conversation was going to be about, because we still never got to me answering her question and she, she walked away with her head down and her feelings hurt and I really hated.
Speaker 1:The other lady went and consoled her because she saw what I saw, but I was like you're not being a parent, you're not being a parent, you're trying to be her best friend. She's not even 12. Baby bye. No, that's not how we do things. So, you know, parents need to get in their role of parenting and you can parent constructively. No, you don't have to be abusive, you don't have to uh, you know, um, be derogatory to them. You don't have to have all that uh, but you, you just need someone needs to lead and they need to lead in a constructive manner.
Speaker 2:Exactly, exactly, yes, and that's something we don't see a lot now In the last generation. Hopefully the new generation will do better, but parents they feel like if they're not going to be friends with their children, even adult children. My sons, I have boys and they have their life, they have their families, they have their jobs, they have their worries, it's none of my business. And even when they tell me I can you know, if they ask me for advice, I'm going to give them advice and sometimes I give them advice even if they don't ask me, but it's still theirs, it's not mine. Absolutely.
Speaker 2:You know, and so I can't, I cannot take over the decision making for them. But when you have children even my little niece is four years old and most of her life she is around old people and but still we remind her that she is four years old, absolutely. And she is to remind her mother that she is four years old, you know. So don't be trying to grow her up fast. You know she's four years old, let her be four. You know, and you know, when we're having conversations, we, you know, look, this is not a conversation for a four year old to hear or participate in, I agree. And right now she's in this world where it's like, like today I had errands to run, so she was with me. Well, auntie, why are we going in here? I said I have something I have to do. Well, what I said, it's not important, it wasn't nothing. It's not like it was a secret, it's just that it wasn't none of her business.
Speaker 1:I agree, I agree, you know, and.
Speaker 2:I was like I got to pick up something. Well, what? It's not important for you to know what I have to pick up.
Speaker 1:You know so, and I think that if we, if we, just like you were saying, continue to indulge them in adult conversations.
Speaker 2:when are they going to grow up? Yeah, you know they already feel like they're grown now.
Speaker 1:They're not and they're not. You know, their maturational skills are just not there. And it's a process. It's a process Right Right Now we're coming to a close. Can you tell me how you measure the effectiveness of your coaching and the impact that it has on your clients lives? How do you measure that?
Speaker 2:Usually by just as as they progress. One of the ways we are we normally start out Once a week for 60 minutes, once a week for 60 minutes and then as, as they, as they feel they are moving forward, and if I agree that they are moving forward, then we extend it out to every other week, you know, and so so they're still doing work, but now they're they're coaching is like every other week instead of every week, and I usually give them homework that they have to do and turn in, you know, like a teacher, and turn it in and and, based on what they did and how they responded to whatever I asked them to do, can let me know if they're moving forward. And as that progresses, then we may go to once a month maintenance for a couple months and then we're done. And if they come, if they feel like they need more than we do more, if they feel like they need to go back to once a week or once every other week, then we go back to once. You know they need to go back to once a week or once every other week, then we go back to once.
Speaker 2:You know, but, and if and if they do come back to me and say you know, I've been doing everything you taught me and the things are still going well. You know that's even better. Sometimes I don't get that. Sometimes you know they're doing better and they, you know they're like butterflies they just go and I don't ever see them again. Sure, but that's usually how I measure, based on whether or not we need to continue with the once a week or once every other week, or if we can move to once a month maintenance, or you know, and just how they relate to the assignments that I give them. Okay.
Speaker 2:You know, that's how I measure it.
Speaker 1:Okay, Now what type of assignments do you give? Give just an example.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I have a client that's. She recently got divorced, a couple years ago, and so there's still some hurt going on there. So, like, sometimes I will give her an assignment based on whatever she's talking about, what the hurt is. You know, um, you know, do something by herself. Or go, um, go to the movies by herself. Let's like she don't want to do things by herself. So so an assignment would be to you know, do something by yourself, go, you know, go to dinner. Most people go to lunch by themselves. You know, that's not a big deal, but it's the dinner that's the problem. Okay.
Speaker 2:And the weekends, you know. So it would be like and I was one of those people that when I got my, when I got divorced, I was like I'm never going to go out to eat again. Forced, I was like I'm never going to go out to eat again, you know, um, but I did have, I did have my child. So me and my child would go out, you know, but, um, but to say just go out by myself to treat myself, to go out to eat, that was so difficult. So so I give my um, you know, I might give them assignment about that. If they are looking for a job, I might give them an assignment to. You know, go online and research. You know three different companies in the field that they want to work in, and then we'll talk about those companies and how they feel about those companies. You know stuff, whatever something that relates to whatever it is they're going through.
Speaker 1:You know stuff, whatever something that relates to whatever it is they're going through. Okay, okay, now, before we close, you're an author as well. How?
Speaker 2:long have you been on this journey as an author? I published my first book in 2010. So that's been what, um, what? 13 years or something, 14 years? Yes, 14, 13 to 14 years my first book was a part of my dissertation, and so it's a non-fiction okay and I've done articles in magazines and things like that before I did my first novel. Okay, I did. My first novel was in 2017.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay. So since that time, how many books have you written?
Speaker 2:I have a book that's launching now and I have a book that will launch the first part of March. Oh, great. So that will be seven novels, Okay. And then I've done three anthologies One, two, three, four anthologies.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, good.
Speaker 2:So what type of a void does writing feel for you am still introvert, although people don't believe me, and so I felt more comfortable with myself than I did with other people. And we had a big family. It was five of us, six including my mother, raised my cousin, so it was six of us, but still I was always better off by myself. Okay.
Speaker 2:And so I did a lot of writing. Just getting stuff out of my head and putting it on paper just kind of helped me to stay sane, okay. And then I became a secretary. So writing and has always been a part of my life. Before I became a counselor, I was a secretary, so I didn't. I've always wanted to be an author. I think I'm probably the only person in the world that's for real doing. You know other people too, but I'm doing what I said I wanted to do. When I was young. I said I always wanted to be a sailor, I always wanted to be a teacher and I always wanted to be an author.
Speaker 1:That's great.
Speaker 2:And and I've done all of those, plus added counseling to it. That's great. And so I love to write. I love writing and I'm really enjoying my writing. My novels, my adventures, I put them on paper, absolutely, absolutely it has to work for you.
Speaker 1:It has to work for you. Well, that is wonderful. Now, how can we reach you? How can the people reach you, dr Adrienne?
Speaker 2:my website is transitionlifecoach4ucom and it's just like it's spelled transition life coach. The number four, the letter U dot com and everything is there. If you do link tree then it's never say can't. Okay. L-c-a-i-n-t. My business is Never Say Can't Christian Life Coaching Consultant and it is actually C-A-I-N-T On social media. I'm Dr Adrienne Moses on pretty much all social media. Okay.
Speaker 2:And, like a friend of ours says, if nothing else, find me on Google, google knows me, she'll find me, okay. So, oh, you know, yeah, that's audrey ann. Audrey ann is all one word, two capital a's. Okay, okay, and you'll be able to find me.
Speaker 1:that sounds great well, dr audrey ann, I do appreciate you coming and sharing the stage with me on Gentry's journey. I have enjoyed our conversation Great. Do you have any closing remarks?
Speaker 2:No, I just think that people you know take care of yourself, love yourself, take care of yourself because that's how you'll be able to help others and take care of others. And and I love writing because it gets the stuff out of my head and onto paper, and and I always felt like reading was an adventure that you can go on without having to leave your favorite chair.
Speaker 1:Well, that's true.
Speaker 2:So I think everyone should read a book every day, read something.
Speaker 1:You need to read something. I agree with that. I agree with that. That's great. Well, we're going to go ahead and close. So if you will close us out in prayer, I would appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am. Father, god, we thank you. We thank you for life and strength. We thank you for forgiveness of our sins and our shortcomings. We thank you for the Holy Spirit being able to help us from day to day to maneuver through this crazy life, lord God, and we thank you for your son Jesus, who died on the cross for our sins and who spreads our words out before you and makes them clean and acceptable.
Speaker 2:Father, I thank you for Carolyn. I thank you for her Gentry's Journey show, because I know that many people get to use their voice. They probably would not use it if it were not for her show. Probably would not use it if it were not for her show. Lord, I thank you and I ask you to continue to bless her and bless her family and bless her projects and bless her nursing and the students that she get to impart knowledge on every day. Father, I just thank you and I praise you for all these things and I ask that you continue to be with us and to continue to help us to be good people and to show you to the people that we come in contact with. We thank you, father, and we praise you in the name of your son, jesus Amen.
Speaker 1:Amen, Amen. Well, Dr Audra Ann I truly enjoyed.