Insights from the Waiting Room with Wisdom Warrior Dr. Velma Bagley

When the weight of the world bears down upon us, it's the whispered wisdom of the past that can steer us toward the light. Dr. Velma Bagley, a best-selling Christian author and relationship coach, joins me, Carolyn Coleman, for a soul-stirring episode of Gentry's Journey. We unravel the threads of her personal narrative, interweaving the parental guidance that shaped her into the influencer she is today. Velma recounts the powerful affirmations imparted by her parents, whose wisdom resonates throughout our conversation and her poignant chapter "Hold Your Head Up, Princess" from the anthology "Women of the Waiting Room."

The art of storytelling and its imprint on our identity takes center stage as we reflect on the past through the lenses of our own experiences. A rotten apple becomes a metaphor for the transformative power of change, while my candid recollections of using voice recordings to capture moments of inspiration reveal how the essence of our being can be shaped by the smallest of moments. Dr. Bagley and I traverse the landscape of creative expression, sharing how the affirmations we received as children have bolstered our self-worth against the tide of external perceptions.

Stepping into the realm of relationships, Velma imparts her wisdom gleaned from over four decades of counseling. Together, we dissect the intricacies of dating dynamics, spotlighting the importance of recognizing red flags and avoiding deceptive facades. The episode crescendos with a heartfelt call to faith, where Dr. Bagley and I extend our hands to the heavens, seeking divine intervention and a deeper spiritual connection. This episode is a testament to the power of stories and the enduring strength found in wisdom and reflection. Join us on this empowering journey through the corridors of self-discovery and relational insight.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello everyone, welcome to Gentry's Journey. I'm your host, carolyn Coleman, and we have Dr Velma Bagley on. We're going to talk about numerous topics, but we're going to start out with this inspirational quote by Corrie Ten Boom Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. It's short but powerful, and I really do like it If you really think about it. Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. And that's by Corrie Ten Boom. So we're going to get started. We're going to let Dr Velma introduce herself. We're going to focus on the upcoming anthology that we're a part of, which is Women of the Waiting Room, not to give away too much and we're also going to she's going to give us some snippets from her books the Catch and her latest one. So we will truly get a lot of information out of this. Are you ready, dr Belmont? Yes, I am Okay. Go ahead and introduce yourself and we can get started with this.

Speaker 2: 1:08

Hello everybody. It's a pleasure to be here with my dear sis and I'm grateful for the opportunity to just share with her and with all of you. I am Dr Velma Bagby. I'm a best-selling Christian author and award-winning author. Certified dating and relationship coach. I'm a professional Christian speaker and CEO of Adonai Publishing. Ordained minister as well. So here I am, after beginning my writing career in 2018, and I am up to 16 books maybe 17 soon. So I'm grateful to be here and share with you what I was able to contribute to this fantastic anthology. Looking forward to hearing from all of you and to the audience.

Speaker 1: 1:52

You will love her series. The Catch, you will love it. The analogies are just so spot on. You know these things in the back of your mind, but she brought them all the way to the forefront. So, dr Velma, like I said, we're a part of the upcoming anthology Women of the Waiting Room Seven authors. So can you tell us a little bit about your process, your chapter in the book?

Speaker 2: 2:20

and what made you decide to be a part of it. First of all, I enjoy working with Jacqueline, who is the head of the entire project. So I enjoy working with her, so I was excited about participating. And then, when I heard the names of the other folks, I knew all of you all and I did not mind jumping into this project because of that. All of the writers are upstanding women and so I trust what they have to say and I know they would be vulnerable and transparent in what they had to say and I wanted to join this to be just that. So when I was looking at what to write about, that was my dilemma and I always approach my writing based on Proverbs 3 and 6. And that is, in all thy ways, acknowledge him and he will direct thy path.

Speaker 2: 3:04

So acknowledge means to invite in. So I invited God in to determine what I was to write about, and, lo and behold, this anthology took me to a place that I had totally forgot about, but it was so key to what and who I was to become later on in my life. This took me back to childhood, my early days, and I began to recognize and I'll tell you more in a minute. I began to recognize some things about my journey that I thought was important to share, and as it began to evolve, I realized what my topic was going to be in terms of the title and I knew I needed to tell more about this journey. Somebody needed to hear what I had to share, so I know it would bless them.

Speaker 1: 3:49

And sometimes in a process you may start off with one conversation, one topic leads to another. So this took you back to your childhood, something you probably hadn't thought about in a long time. That's awesome, that is.

Speaker 2: 4:07

I hadn't expected that, and even when Jacqueline developed the video for this particular portion of the project, it captured what I had to say so clearly. But again, I was discovering too what the simple things that my parents said to me, and how important they were at the very beginning, because it came to a head towards the later stages of my life. But as a little girl I wasn't thinking in terms of OK, ok, yeah, ok, I'll do that, mom, ok, dad, I'll do that. Okay, dad, I'll do that. I had no idea that what they were saying to me was, in their own way, speaking affirmations into my life from my mother telling me to hold my head up and never walk with your head down unless you have something to be ashamed of. To my dad calling me princess as a nickname, so that in itself began to become the title of my piece Hold your Head Up, Princess. Because what they said to me was so much more powerful than I understood as a little girl.

Speaker 1: 5:11

I understand that totally. I remember I think I was around 12, and I just would not be still. I was throwing myself down on the sofa. I'd jump up and I guess my dad had had enough. He said what is wrong with you? I said they're in school lying on me and he said let the lie be a lie. Just as simple as that.

Speaker 1: 5:38

I'm like I've been walking around with this yeah, I'm walking around with this all day, from school to dinner time. And he was like just let the lie be a lie, people will know the truth and still tell a lie.

Speaker 2: 5:49

So much wisdom.

Speaker 1: 5:50

Yeah, and to this day, so much wisdom. That has stuck with me and it goes with me. And a lot of times people are upset about this, that and the other. They're like why aren't you that upset? I said because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you say you can't justify. I said, like my dad said, let the lie be a lie. And that just gave me so much strength.

Speaker 2: 6:15

It's so wise, the wisdom that we can get from parents and other senior members of our family. At times I call it not being in high school anymore. Even in the dating process, it's time to stop being in high school. You can't date like you're in high school anymore. So, even with what your dad said, I talk about wisdom in that way. I'm not in high school anymore. My emotions are not all over the place. Every time somebody does something, says something, looks at me cross-eyed, all of that, and I'm going to react or respond, or I have to. I feel as if I have to respond. No, I'm not in high school anymore and I don't play those games anymore. So that's what it sounded like your dad was saying to you.

Speaker 1: 6:53

It was. That was just one nugget he gave. You grew up in that moment I did. I mean, it's like. It was like someone stood me up and I stood tall and I've always been petite. I stood tall and I was like, okay. He said you don't owe anyone, anything but me and your mother. I was like, okay, and that was all I needed. The next day I'm just walking down the hall, no big deal. It didn't matter if people were pointing it didn't. None of that matter, because he, he basically strengthened me and covered me at the same time. Right, I didn't have to, it was no more of a worry, it was just no more and I was like wow.

Speaker 1: 7:41

But you know, it is a blessing for someone to observe and speak positively into your life. It does a body good, it does your mind good. I'm thankful for it to this day. That's just one of the nuggets. There's so many more, you know, especially as I started growing up and started going out and dating and just being a young lady on my own, it just just still pouring nuggets into me, still pouring nuggets, and to this day I remember them all and I used to share them with my friends and they'd be like oh my goodness you know your dad.

Speaker 1: 8:17

I still remember when you said your dad said this, that and the other, I was like well, I decided I'd share it with people who I thought would receive it.

Speaker 2: 8:25

Now, Ms Carolyn, that's a book by itself, a little tiny handbook with just nuggets.

Speaker 1: 8:34

It's calling that Nuggets from my Dad.

Speaker 2: 8:35

Well, that's confirmation, because that came while I was speaking, because we lack such wisdom these days.

Speaker 1: 8:39

We just don't have it.

Speaker 2: 8:41

And so many of those coming up really need to see the hear those things. I think I was on an interview with I think it was Cyrus. I was on an interview and I said something came up and I said, well, we were talking about laying aside the weights and getting rid of your past and all of that and letting it go. You just don't have that kind of wisdom anymore.

Speaker 2: 9:01

And in this interview I had with Cyrus the other day, something came up and I talked about laying aside the weights and how, you know, broken people can hurt other people even if it's a good opportunity person could be the perfect mate, possible mate, for you, but because you're broken and have all these unresolved issues, you will not treat that person well because you're broken and I said my grandmother said a broken glass will cut your lip. Isn't that true? It is very true. And the response is just to that statement. I hadn't heard that before, but I'm saying to you those are the kind of statements we need to put back out there, Because people haven't heard those before and it's so true. Just like taking an apple with a rotten spot because you haven't resolved those issues in your past. You've got this spot, but put you in a basket with some good apples and pretty soon all the apples will begin to develop a spot.

Speaker 1: 10:01

And that I saw that. You know, I've heard that one bad apple was far the whole bunch. I've heard that all my life and one day I was passing by my fruit bowl so I was like, why are you looking so dull? So I picked it up and it was. It was it had. It was right on the bottom. I said you're getting out of here because you're infecting the rest of it.

Speaker 2: 10:23

But guess what, presenting itself one way when you examine it, go back today, examine it closer, you see that it's rotten.

Speaker 1: 10:33

I said, look at you, uh-huh. And I took it and I threw it out. You're not going to poison the whale over here, you're getting out of here. And I had to inspect the rest of it. Well, thank you for that.

Speaker 2: 10:42

Carolyn, I here, you're getting out of here and I had to expect the rest of that. Carolyn, I'm gonna add that to my apple story, presenting yourself like you're so good looking and you're clean and ready to go pick it up and you find out, it's not.

Speaker 1: 10:55

Yeah, I was like, uh-huh, that's a good one, that was sneaky, that was a sneaky move. I said, but I caught you, I caught you, you know. So I did I chunked it and I was like, and it hit me, you know it goes after. The saying goes one bad apple will spoil the whole bunch. That's right, and it will. It absolutely will.

Speaker 2: 11:14

But I had not created the visual for it. And that's what I had to do. I had to create the visual for it. I heard the saying, but if you can see what that looks like, just like what you just described for me, I'm a visual learner and what you just described would mean more to me than just that statement that we used to hear all the time.

Speaker 1: 11:35

Absolutely, I'm with you. You know I'm visual, I am truly. I have to see it to process it. Some people can read it. Yeah, I'll read it, but when I see it come. I'm like okay, I got it, that's me. Okay, I got that now, well, that's great.

Speaker 1: 11:52

So you can always, as an author, as a writer, as a creative, you can always use some nuggets from somewhere, something that you hear Something I am real bad about not really writing a lot of things down and I tried to jot my notes down and then I forget where I put my notes and I'd be like Lord, bring it back.

Speaker 2: 12:15

I remember praying things like that, and I try to quickly record it on my phone I've got. I was looking at 2017 recordings recently and I said, because I like writing songs as well, my dad was a songwriter and it's just, I love putting words to music and I was listening to one and I said, oh, this is a good one. I just thought it was just really beautiful to witness. So recordings help for me. Even if something comes to my mind to add to a book, I will record it and then add it to the book later. And I'll tell you another trick I have recorded at times when it's a lot of information and I put the I plug up my ear set, put my phone on speaker and lay the ear pieces next to the phone and let it dictate it onto my computer.

Speaker 1: 13:11

Okay. So that's another little trick I've used. Yeah, I will try all the one that fits the most and, you know, at those appropriate times, because I'm a people watcher and I get some of my information by people, because I'm going to make up the rest of it.

Speaker 1: 13:31

You know, um, people act up. They don't necessarily act up, it's just their mannerisms when they're in certain places, um, and I just weave a tale from how they're acting or reacting to a situation and then I concoct an entire story in my head as to how this should end, what should have happened, and it'd be funny to me, you know, and people see me smiling, they're like you're having a good day. I said, oh yes, I'm having a ball, just me and my imagination. But uh, yeah, you know, especially when you're writing, when you're writing fiction, you know you have to get some clues from people from somewhere and, um, their mannerisms and their responses, um can be, um can be very useful. I'll put it. I'll put it that way they can be very useful. I'll put it that way, they can be very useful, absolutely. The seven of us we all met on the book slam, am I correct?

Speaker 2: 14:34

I think that's where we all met.

Speaker 1: 14:36

I believe so, and that's when I heard you read from the catch I'm not sure which one it was, because this was a few years ago- Let me finish with the hold your head up, princess, because I wanted to just make sure you guys oh, definitely, yes.

Speaker 2: 14:54

My mother's words were hold your head up, unless you have something to be ashamed of. That was my mother. My dad, because I was his first daughter, called me princess. He gave me that little royal title and my story is about although I started out with those beautiful affirmations from them because I didn't recognize them as affirmations until sometimes later.

Speaker 2: 15:16

But that was exactly what they were giving me, until I talk about the fact that the world didn't agree with my parents. And the world began to chip away at what my parents said about me. An environment where you're Black, the only Black secretary in the building. They used it as an opportunity to write me up on my probation as hotty and holding my head up, and the world didn't agree. Even in sixth grade I was happy. I didn't know. I was living in a neighborhood of poor people, my family was poor, I had less than, and so the world slowly began to introduce their version of me growing up, holding on to what they said about me, and so that's what I wanted to tell you about that.

Speaker 2: 16:09

So I tell the story of my journey and each stage of it. I say what was chipping away at my worth, based on what my mother and my father said to me that day. Isn't that something? Yeah, it is Growing up. In the sixties and seventies, things weren't as well. It's not perfect today, but it wasn't as bad back then as you know now, as it was back then. But it was very clear that what I believed about myself, the world didn't believe and didn't accept at all. Matter of fact, the world tried to tell me I was something else.

Speaker 1: 16:40

Absolutely. I remember I think we may have been in high school and my brother had to do an assignment or something about income and where our parents' income fell in and he said well, you know we're medium, so we're good. You know we're not poor. And my dad said don't tell nobody that None of them think we're poor.

Speaker 2: 17:05

Right, I didn't see that about myself. I didn't even say that I was poor. I never said I lived in a poor neighborhood.

Speaker 1: 17:13

Because we didn't know?

Speaker 2: 17:15

No, we did not. We were happy. I was happy, my family, I enjoyed my family. The neighbors were all supportive and helpful and we didn't know those. I didn't know I was a latchkey kid no, until I heard it on the news one day.

Speaker 1: 17:30

I understand totally what you're saying about well. I thought this and you're telling me that. And when you had to go into other school systems and start growing up and they started, you didn't know they were closing your schools and you didn't know you were being zoned to another school. You thought as you got older, that's just how you matriculated through, you know. But you look back and you were like, oh no, this was a plan, this thing was planned from the beginning. And we were happy. Where we were, we were happy where we were.

Speaker 1: 18:06

Everybody was supportive, but I am thankful for all the changes that took place now. I'm thankful, yeah, we are very grateful, yeah, as you know, but everybody still did not, and still do not, see you as your parents saw you?

Speaker 2: 18:27

No, you don't. And then you know the quality of education has changed too, because I remember when I was in high school, we had choices and tracks we could select. I selected the business track, so therefore all of my classes were related to business. We we had life skill classes. We were taught to cook. We were taught how to take care of a child. We were trained in high school how to handle a household and even finances and budget and banking. We were taught those things in high school and those things.

Speaker 1: 18:57

None of it is taught anymore yeah, they don't know how to do an envelope or a postcard and and, and we thought it was dorky when they had us to write a postcard or a letter to a friend or a letter to a business person. But we did have those skills and, you are correct, they were there. I took the academic track and the school that I was in was known for its business, that business track. But I took the academic and my best friend she, took the general. I just don't know if I can do it, but I took the academic and my best friend she took the general. I just don't know if I can do it. I'm not as smart as you. You can do it, it can be done. It can be done. You know it can be done. But so that's why how we started being in different classes. She decided to take general, I decided to stick with the academic track and and I'm glad I did I have no regrets about that Me too.

Speaker 1: 20:02

Yeah, but you still get diluted. The more you take that alternative road, the more dilution comes in. But I will say I had great English and lit instructors from eighth grade up, yeah, my stenographer teacher.

Speaker 2: 20:15

I had two years of stenography because my goal was to become a court reporter and the one she was stiff. At the time I thought she was mean, but she wasn't. She was just serious and focused and I learned the most from her class.

Speaker 1: 20:31

And that's something that you do.

Speaker 2: 20:32

Yeah, and I still take stenography to this day by hand. I still do it.

Speaker 1: 20:37

That's great.

Speaker 2: 20:38

I was grateful for that and that was the door I got to, beginning with the state of California. They were looking for stenographers after I graduated so I said, okay, mom, I can go to school at night, I can go to college at night and because my goal was to get off of my mother's payroll.

Speaker 2: 20:55

She raised eight children and I said I don't want to stay on her payroll much longer. So I knew I wanted to get a job and then go to school at night. And I got the job with the state as a stenographer because I passed the test for it and that's how I began my career and just worked my way up after the 38 years and retiring as a deputy administrator. So the very office I walked into to apply for my first job. I became the manager of that office later on.

Speaker 3: 21:24

And then later.

Speaker 2: 21:24

I became the deputy administrator over that entire area, so to know that that's where I began and also the place where I can continue to make sure they had the services and that their needs were being met, that was a blessing to me, because that was how I started, that's great.

Speaker 1: 21:43

It's funny. One of my friends lived two doors down why don't you become a candy striper? I'm like, what's a candy striper? That's just how much I knew about medicine, okay, or hospitals or whatever. She said you just put on this cute little uniform, you go volunteer once a week. They have a club at school, you know, so join it. And I was like, okay, she was kind of like a big sister, so I said okay.

Speaker 1: 22:08

Yeah, and that opened that door. And I think about it from time to time and I have worked professionally at that small hospital at part time. I never wanted to be at a very large university and so I took that route. But eventually, over the years, I went back there and worked part time and I was like it's still set up like it was when I was in high school.

Speaker 2: 22:49

But it worked out. No improvements, but it worked out.

Speaker 1: 22:54

No improvements? Well, no, very little, very little In fact. They are going to move into a new, a brand new hospital. They're having it built now and it's supposed to go into August. So I just feel like it's my duty to take the tour. I owe it to myself to take the tour. I owe it to myself to take the tour. So I'm going to, somehow or another, get an invitation to the open house. I'm going to do it.

Speaker 1: 23:24

I don't know, but it's going to work out. I know it's going to work out. If I have to just show up like an uninvited guest and play dumb, it doesn't matter, it's going to work out. But I think that will kind of bring it full circle for me, because I've been in other places when they've opened new buildings or started a new department and I never had the opportunity to really peruse them because I was always so busy. My patients couldn't be put on hold while I took a tour, no matter what my job title was. So I just feel like this will bring that full circle. So we'll see. We'll see what God has planned for that. Yeah, we'll do that, so, yeah. So it's wonderful that your parents had the foresight to. Your dad called you princess. Your mom told you to hold your head up, you know, because you have to do those things or you will find yourself melting down.

Speaker 2: 24:24

Oh, the world could have easily.

Speaker 1: 24:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:27

I could have been a victim of all of that and never became as successful as I did.

Speaker 2: 24:33

Yes, had I had. I just accepted all of it and there were some times when it was just really disheartening to to think in terms of what the world will say to you, do to you, um, in terms of how it can chip away at your worth, especially back then, just wasn't built for us in terms of motivation and making sure that you understood that you were valuable. And so it took some time and I credit, you know, getting married early to boost my worth. I mentioned that in there because I got married very early, at 20. And then there were other things that came along. I remember in sixth grade when we had to complete our high school paperwork. In sixth grade, as we prepare for junior high, we had to write down our names.

Speaker 2: 25:27

Everybody in my class just about had a middle name except for me, and I said you know what my dad calls me Princess. I'll put Princess in the middle. And it shocked my mother on the day of graduation when they called my name from my diploma and said Velma, princess Johnson. After which my mom asked where did they get the princess? And I just shrugged my shoulders no, no, no, no. But it was almost like I was subconsciously trying to continue to make sure everybody knew what my dad spoke over my life. And that's great, isn't that something? So if you guys don't accept it, at least it will say you'll see it on here and know that that's who he called me to be. But isn't that who God calls us as his daughters, his daughters? And so what my dad was saying really was the same thing that I discovered much later in the life that god referred to me as his

Speaker 1: 26:20

precious daughter so anyway, that's, that's my story okay, yeah, yeah, we're not gonna give away much more, no much more but it's.

Speaker 1: 26:28

I can't wait to read them all. I cannot Absolutely. And audience, we have trailers out that speak to our story and they pull you in. I'm not saying just because my trailer's out there. They pull you in. It makes you thirst for what is in store. So if you see them out there, they're on social media, on different platforms For what is in store. So if you see them out there, we're going. They're on social media, on different platforms, and they give you a hint as to everyone's story and it's something it really is. I do a preach, I can't even think of the word. They're captivating. The trailers are captivating. So if you see them, you'll know to pick up this book.

Speaker 2: 27:16

Very profound Women of the Waiting Room.

Speaker 1: 27:18

Very well done trailers Very well, just professionally done. So it's a sneak peek, but they are captivating. And you're going to want to pick up our anthology, women of the Waiting Room, surgery for the Soul, and enjoy the book, enjoy that anthology and, like we said, the vessel of the anthology is Mrs Jacqueline Cox and we're quite pleased with her as to what her vision and how it's going forth, and to see it unfold. It has been wonderful. That's true. It's been great. I love it. Yes, absolutely. Now are you ready to talk about the cat series? Let's talk about the cat series. Okay, well, I'm giving it to you. Start with what?

Speaker 2: 28:14

I have four books out now and, as our host, Caroline, has mentioned, the fourth book was released April 1st of this year. That's the Catch Book of Fools, but it begins with book one, which tells the story about a young lady, and let me just explain why I wanted to do this. After counseling and meeting and having conversations with women over 30 years now it's 40 plus years I used to say 30 plus, now it's 40 plus and even sitting with my husband in pre-counseling session, marriage sessions and watching some of the mistakes and errors that I witnessed and saw and had conversations about, I just felt like it was time to go back and figure out a way to again, like we talked earlier, capture some of the wisdom we learned and regained and share it with others, because some of these things are not being discussed or addressed anymore and most likely, in many cases, no longer in the churches as well, and so I wanted to figure out a way to do that and I likely, in many cases, no longer in the churches as well, and so I wanted to figure out a way to do that and I decided to use Christian contemporary fiction. I didn't want it to be a nonfiction book, even though my fourth book is and I explained that in just a moment but I wanted it to be presented in the way that Jesus presented the parables. Jesus presented over 50 parables and the whole intention of the parables was to use something that was common to the person, then build the story around it so that the person he's talking to can discover themselves in the story. Then he always provided options or a way to change or a way to escape, and at the end of the story he left it up to the person to make that decision. I said, oh, that's what I want to do in this Christian contemporary fiction. So all my stories are built like that, so that people can discover themselves in them. Not me preaching to them or saying this is what you need to do, but just telling the stories so that it resonates with the readers.

Speaker 2: 30:16

Book one is about a young lady who was a millennial, finished college, successful in her career, but she had set a goal to be married by 30. And in the book she's 32. So she's desperately going through men quickly just to meet that deadline she created for herself, and her father witnesses this and, distraught because he's a pastor and teaches a singles class, wanted to figure out a way to intervene. And he prayed and asked God for help. God's answer to him was use what you know. He's an expert at fishing, so that's what he used.

Speaker 2: 30:52

He developed these analogies of fish taken from the men that he saw his daughter dating and created these characters called the catfish and the catfish loves garbage. The puffer fish, who is considered to have human-like eyes, nice-looking face, but when he's agitated he puffs up three times his size, with the poisonous points coming out of his body. And then he had the salmon, who hated getting caught. And then the sturgeon, who likes to nibble everywhere he goes. And in all these cases, except for the fifth fish, which is called the goldfish, all these other fish were non-committal, were men representing men who were not interested in committing.

Speaker 2: 31:40

And so the father, as he begins to roll out these stories for his daughter, the daughter was so amazed at how her father weaved these stories about the men that she's dated that it got her attention to the place where, at the end of this trip, he encouraged her to stop focusing on a deadline and focus on herself. And that's kind of the conversation I have a lot. We focus so much on the goal, the end goal and not enough on getting yourself ready for the end goal. We do it with everything else. Just as you and I talked about our career choices, things that we wanted to accomplish, we made sure we got all of those ducks in a row. It goes for marriage too.

Speaker 2: 32:24

You need to make sure that you're getting yourself prepared for that, because if you make a list for him, can you meet that list? Most times it's a no, and so that's what the father does. And so, as a result of that very first book, I thought I was writing one novel, and it took off so much and so well that readers said we need more fish analogies, and that resulted in book two being written, and book two is called the Wrong Catch, again bringing back the fish analogies, but this time I used what's called trophy fish, and the trophy fish are the fish that are considered the elite group of fish because they're part of a multimillion dollar competition, and so these are your elitist fish. And in the characteristics of the trophy fish, as men, these are the guys that feel that they're above you, and so if God calls the woman to be his crown and is a value and worth, a value and worth, then where does that place you If you're meeting a guy that already feels like he has that spot, and so you're competing with him in terms of his entitlement and his arrogance, and many of them are even narcissistic, and so that's book two.

Speaker 2: 33:42

Then I heard from the readers who were my male readers. I didn't know, I had a pocket of male readers, but they asked when are you going to address the wrong women? Today? That became book three. When are you going to address the wrong women? Today? That became book three. The wrong catch She'll tear down the house, based on Proverbs 14 and one says a wise woman builds, but a foolish one tears it down. So again, dealing with women who are not the best choices, just like in the other two books that dealt with the men who are not the best choices, that dealt with the men who are not the best choices.

Speaker 2: 34:15

All throughout, all of those books, from books one, two, three, I talk about foolish behavior and what God describes as a fool. He's given us over 200 warnings in scriptures about fools and foolish behavior. So I'm not calling a person a fool. God called them a fool and foolish behavior. And that's when I felt led to write the Catch Book of Fools. Someone might want to know where their scriptures are and what they have to say about foolish behaviors. And it was so telling and so revealing that it was important to put this in a book.

Speaker 2: 34:51

And so I did the research to see that it was important to put this in a book, and so I did the research to see. Well, wait a minute. My catch series is Christian contemporary fiction. Can I integrate a nonfiction in a contemporary fiction series? And the answer is yes. You can change genres in series, and I didn't realize that you could. But once I got the goal, the green light, I began to put those scriptures together, work with my virtual assistant and got them done and got it ready in time for April Fool's and it released that day. And again some people have said you not only created a book that's a great tool to put in a person's dating toolbox, but you created a great tool for us to use even in business relationships or even in friendships, on how to avoid this kind of toxic situation, based on what God has already told us about their characteristics, and so it has been phenomenal to get that kind of feedback.

Speaker 1: 35:53

Wow, that I definitely understand. I think sometimes we don't realize what situation we're in until we see it. Yeah, and so when you put the book, when you put the thoughts into print, people can see it better, in my humble opinion, because when I read them I'm like, wow, where was this book? I know so many people said that, dr Bell, you're late, you're late. I'm so sorry, but I thank god for the spirit of discernment. I can usually pick out nut really quickly and and walk on by.

Speaker 1: 36:38

You know, there you go but not everybody can no everybody cannot, they cannot, and you'd be sitting back saying, no, no, this, this is a train wreck ready and waiting to happen. You actually believe what he was selling, girl. Stop, you know. But they don't want to hear you because they're infatuating. That's fine, you know, you just said the word right there.

Speaker 2: 36:58

They've fallen in love with the condition of the person and not the credible characteristics of the person, which is where you want to go. You want to look at the person's heart. Who is this person really? And stop making excuses. Oh, he's just like that sometimes. No, no, no, that's a red flag.

Speaker 1: 37:14

It's a red flag it's red for a reason. It's red for a reason and and that's unfortunate. That is unfortunate. I and I to me simply put why can't we all just be ourselves, yes, uh, and show, because eventually it's going to show. And who wants that type of disappointment? Oh, I can't believe anything you've said. I can't believe anything that you've done. It was all an act and that's not fair.

Speaker 2: 37:48

Have a conversation with one. Some of the fools are described as people who hate to listen, who has their own opinion and you can't change it. You can't change it. You can't challenge their opinion, even if they have less information than you. Yes, you won't change it. Quick-tempered, lack of self-control, hates, lying lips you should be able to pick up on those things very easily.

Speaker 1: 38:10

Very, easily, very easily, easily, very easily, very easily. Um, I remember I was dating this guy and just just we had met and I was, and we were at the diner getting something to eat on our way back and he was just, oh, that, this is going to be. Uh, that's the perfect sandwich. I've had a taste for this all day. It's going to be grilled, it's going to be great. And he just kind of lost it over the mayo. I'm like, oh Lord, how do I get out of this situation? Well, I know what I'm going to do. I'm just going to wait till he drops me off at home and I'm done. And that's just what I did.

Speaker 1: 39:00

If you're losing it over mayo and you want to have an argument over mayo. I don't even like mayo and I'm like no, not red flag, I mean swinging in the wind, the red flag, right, swinging in the wind. Because I'm not argumentative, I don't like to just pick fights and pick people apart. There's enough going on, in my humble opinion. Life is going to bring its own set of issues and we don't have to create any. We don't have to create any Life, just living. Life is going to bring its own set of issues. And so we called the next day oh, where are we going? I said we're not. Why. What happened?

Speaker 1: 39:30

I said I'm not an arguer. I said that just disrupts my equilibrium, it just throws me all the way off. Well, everybody argues Now, so you're going to argue about why we argue, right? So that's red flag number two. I said you just see what happened here. Well, I mean I just. I said I work around people like you, I work around women like you. I'm not going to be dating a guy that just loves to pick an argument, because you're going to be picking it by yourself.

Speaker 2: 40:01

That's what happens.

Speaker 1: 40:02

Yes, that's not going to happen. I'm not going to adjust myself to that. I'm not going to. And didn't do it, and he couldn't understand it for a while, until I just had to get very, very firm and said stop.

Speaker 2: 40:15

Don't call.

Speaker 1: 40:16

Don't drive by. You can go in a circle, but don't drive by here. I'm done. And because now you're pushing me into a relationship, I really don't want to be in Right and I got no, when I stand up, it is what it is. No, I'm not. This is not going to be good, it's not going to be healthy. So, no, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 1: 40:40

So you have to see it, call it for what it is and exit stage right, left, whichever way you want to go, whichever one opens the door first. But if that's not, you don't go along with it, don't sugarcoat it. It's not going to work because the true individual is going to come. And so some of this we can stop, some of this we can't stop If we see the red flags and stop trying to giggle them off. But that comes with wisdom. I mean, that comes with aging, with wisdom. So your books are truly on time with dating and the things that come along with dating. And I was so tickled when you came out with the third one and you said to me we need help over here too.

Speaker 2: 41:33

Yeah, that's interesting, and the other thing that I did with that is I interviewed a few of the godly men that I knew. What tell me some of the challenges you've had in dating, and so that's how I created those characters. The hyena a lot of people think that the hyenas are laughing, but they're not. It's the female that's barking orders to lead the whole clan. So there's a character called the hyena, the black widow spider, who gets what she wants from her mate and then kills him, and then kills him. So the story opens with that particular character, with the fact that she just she pretty much pressured her husband to the point where he died early. So there's many cases, it's some. It's some crazy ones in there, oh, absolutely, but women have gotten just as bad as them. We used to claim that the men were, but there are women that are just as bad now in terms of presenting themselves one way that they're not.

Speaker 2: 42:27

They're not prepared and they can be very dangerous. So again, god calls these examples fools and we need to be aware of it.

Speaker 1: 42:35

We do need to be aware and we don't need to put the mask on, we don't need to put the foundation on all of this. It's a couple of scenarios in my head. This movie, I'm Going to Get you Sucka, where Kenan wins and was dating.

Speaker 1: 42:56

So when she started pulling off her wig and her booty and he was like not the booty? Wig and her booty, and he was like not the booty. I remember that, so and I was like but that, and fast forward it to today, it's more of it, it's more of the fakeness it's more it really is you know, and he's running and crying.

Speaker 1: 43:16

He's running from her as opposed to running to her because she's not the woman that he thought she would be, you know. So, um, just be real, you know, have people to accept you for you, and if there's some attributes that you have that you don't like, you can adjust those things well, if the goal is for a lifelong mate, then you should take that a little bit more seriously.

Speaker 2: 43:40

A lot of people love that. They're driven by the idea of a marriage and a wedding, and a beautiful wedding, but they have not taken the time to look at what is life like after you say I do. What is that going to look like for?

Speaker 1: 43:54

you.

Speaker 2: 43:55

And what work have you done to really make sure that you've invested in yourself? Self-examination is important, and what have you done to make sure he's ready?

Speaker 1: 44:05

And that's true, that's very true. The wedding is just the formality, that's all it is. It's just a formality. It is the living together and being together and growing together. You just may recognize oh, I saw this, I ignored it, I had no idea this existed. You need to be honest. The next individual needs to be honest as well with who they are and what they're about, and that is what creates the quality in the relationship. So either you're going to go in with it being weak, or you're going to go in with it being weak, or you're going to go in with it being strong and you're going to build. You know, continue to build on that. But if it's weak, you know you've just, you've just, you've just gone through a lot of formality about nothing. That's true.

Speaker 1: 44:58

And it's a headache and hurts oh headache hurt, disappointment, you know, and headache and hurt. Oh, headache hurt disappointment.

Speaker 1: 45:05

And so how can one person be happy in a relationship when the other one is not? That's right, they're not. That's right, they're not. So we need to be open and honest, because it's going to come to surface, as I have heard before, what's in you is gonna come out. You, yeah, you know. So. Yeah, you can put on the sugar, the spice, all of that, but if that apple is rotten, it's just a rotten apple you baked. We're going back. I love that analogy, by the way. Yeah, we're going back to, yeah, that right now, I don't care how much sugar and butter and cinnamon you put on it, it's still a rotten apple.

Speaker 1: 45:49

So you can't dress it up you just cannot, but I have enjoyed this Me too. That's been great. So that was all four books. She condensed them, guys, but they are fabulous. They really are fabulous. It'll make you think you want to give them as gifts to people who are dating or thinking of dating, uh, so that they and tell them to read them and you want to hear what they got out of the books okay and I also I also have a full uh cards game.

Speaker 2: 46:24

That goes along with it as well, if you want to order that.

Speaker 2: 46:26

Secondly, explain that card game to me please it's a matching game and it's taken all the scriptures 80 scriptures color-coded them. As for a matching card game, and basically what you do is you lay it down, face down, so that as you hanging out with whoever you want to hang out with, you want to discover more and have conversations around what God says about a fool or foolish behavior, and you try to turn over two cards at a time, just like you would with a matching game, to try to match your colors, and you keep doing it until you match a color or you get a couple of those bonus cards where you get scores. You get a score right away and so, from there, make sure you have some great prizes because the one who gets the most matches while you're having conversations around your cards, that you discover, your matches, that you discover. So you're having fun and you're winning something all at the same time.

Speaker 1: 47:21

That sounds good. That sounds really good Because the object is to learn, that's all it should become a natural. Either learn from your mistakes or learn from someone else's, or know what to avoid.

Speaker 2: 47:38

Wisdom, wisdom, wisdom You're right. Carolyn.

Speaker 1: 47:40

Absolutely, Absolutely Well. This has been phenomenal. Thank you so much for being a part of Gentry's journey and tell us where we can find you.

Speaker 2: 47:55

I'm on all social media platforms as Dr Velma Bagby, and one case, I think, on Instagram. It's author Dr Velma Bagby. But, you can also make sure that you subscribe and go to my website. I'm like the card game. It's only available from my website right now. The books you can get on Amazon. So my website is DrVelmaBagbycom, so feel free to reach out.

Speaker 1: 48:18

Oh, that's great. That is great. We have enjoyed having you. If you would close us out in prayer.

Speaker 2: 48:31

I would appreciate it. I would love to Heavenly Father, we thank you for this beautiful, beautiful conversation we had today. Lord, thank you for the nuggets of wisdom that came from both of us today. Thank you for the sharing, thank you for what we were able to discuss and share with others out there listening. I thank you for this platform that you've designed to do just that to get the word out about what others need to hear, whatever the topic this host decides to cover. I just pray, father, that you continue to cover her, cover her family, lord, and continue to strengthen her body as she recovers from what she just recently went through, and I pray that something we talked about today got the attention of someone who really needed it. And so we thank you and we praise you in Jesus name, amen.

Speaker 1: 49:13

Amen, and thank you all for joining us on Gentry's Journey. Our honored guest was Dr Velma Bagley with the Catch series, and you really need to get those books, thank you.

Speaker 3: 51:41

Thank you. You Do it for me. Oh, do Do it for me, lord. If you don't do it, it just won't be done. So, lord, do it for me. Sometimes I get desperate and I say like this I say, lord, fix it for me. Anybody know that only God can do it. Oh, fix it for me. Oh, thank you Jesus, because, lord, I have a problem that only you can solve. So, lord, do it for me. Can y'all play that for me, lord? Do it for me, lord, I need you to do it right now. I can't wait till tomorrow. Do it for me, lord. If you don't do it, it just won't be done. Listen, do it for me, listen, lord, fix it for me. Anybody, no God, can do it. I did it. Fix it for me. Fix it for me, lord. I have a problem that only you can solve, lord, I need you to deliver me.

Speaker 3: 54:16

Everybody say it right now. You, everybody's here. If you be't do it, it just won't be enough. Somebody say, love, do it for me One more time, and I'm leaving it on.

Speaker 3: 54:56

Somebody say Do it for me, we're gonna rock it out. Do it for me, come on, just wave your hands. If you're gonna do something, do it for me. Do it, do it for me, do it. Yeah, and Lord, if you don't do it, then just once.

Speaker 3: 55:23

It just won't be enough. Somebody needs to do it. And Lord, do it for me Now. I just need everybody in here tonight to lift your hands. If you need God to do something right now, if you need God to do something right now, lift your hands. Lord, I need you. I don't want to wait till tomorrow. If you don't do it, it just won't be done. Just say I, please you, I can't kill everybody else, I need you to do it. Yeah, lord, I tried everybody else, I tried everybody else. Can you do it for my mama? Come on, somebody say Lord, can't, nobody, can't, nobody, do it for me, do me like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, lord, if you, lord, if you don't do it, hey, lord, lord, if you don't Leave to the Lord, lord, lord, leave to the Lord, do it, Do it for me, come on, clap your hands. If you need God to do something right now, come on. Say God, I need you to do something right now.