17: Profile: Pace of Grace with Ruth Langhorn

My guest, Ruth Langhorn, is the quintessential Proverbs 31 woman. Listen in as Ruth shares how she approaches life as a mother of 9, wife, pastor, and businesswoman. If you need a reminder on how to give yourself grace, this episode is for you!

Ruth Langhorn is a remarkable woman who has embraced the imperfections of life and found a way to maintain balance amidst her various life roles. Throughout her journey, Ruth has learned to let go of the expectation of perfection and instead she relies on the grace of God to guide her. Ruth's outlook on life is shaped by her experience as a mother, recognizing the need to accept that not everything can be perfect, especially when raising children and living your God-given purpose. 

Top reasons to listen to the entire episode:

• Learn how to adjust your time according to what’s going on in your life.
• Find out how to deal with other people’s issues.
• Discover how even the difficult seasons can prepare you and build capacity for the next season.

Mentioned Resources:

This Time It's About Me
Ruth's New Book: Finding Grace For Your Race: Embracing Transformation And Triumph

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hi everyone, welcome to the Position Podcast. I am your host, Kimberly Knight, and today I am joined by my good friend, Ruth Langhorn. Now, just to tell you a little bit about her, nine children, almost as many pets, grandmother of three, mother-in-law of two, and caretaker of elderly relatives. And when she gets bored, she runs several businesses, attends to her real estate holdings, and pastors in inner city congregation with her husband. My friend Ruth Langhorn has been a powerhouse in my life. And recently we were having a conversation about our lives. And when I asked her how she does it all, she answered with one simple word, Grace. And I knew I had to have her on the show to share with you. Have you come to the point in your life where doing that work, church, home, repeat just isn't working for you anymore? And you know there's gotta be more to life than this, then girl, you've come to the right place. I'm Kimberly Knight, and this is the Position Podcast. As a certified coach, consultant, author, and speaker, I've had the privilege of helping women to position themselves for success in life, love, and business. So if you're ready for some wisdom wrapped up in a little bit of girlfriend, join me and other experts each week as we give you the conversation, coaching, and keys you need to take you to your next steps. Please welcome my friend Ruth Langhorn. Hey Ruth. Hi, everybody. Thank you for coming to the show today. I am so honored. It's kind of strange because we always say some of the conversations that we've had and some of the revelations we received, we would love to have had them recorded to be able to share that with people. So now I get to share you with the world. I'm so excited. Come on. Let's talk. Well, yeah, let's talk about all you have going on in your life because honestly, you really are that quintessential Proverbs 31 woman. Whether that was your original intent or not remains to be seen in this conversation, right? So I can't wait to hear about it. But when I hear grace, I know that's one of those words we hear a lot in the kingdom. And sometimes I think we're overusing it or misusing it. So what does that look like when you're doing all that you're doing?

SPEAKER_01: 2:25

Wow. Grace to me makes things that look very hard, simple in the life of a person who doesn't even know that they have the ability to do something because grace, I consider grace as a person. I know that sounds crazy, but the way the Lord revealed it to me is like grace is your friend. And my grace that I've given you is sufficient to do all things, the things that seem difficult. It makes it look very simple in the eyes of other people. But it's grace that's helping you do it.

SPEAKER_00: 2:58

I can attest to that because I have two children and you have nine. And I often joke that I met you when you only had four children, right? So I have watched you go from four to five to nine, and then grandchildren, and being a mother-in-law, and running a whole congregation and doing it all well, really doing it well. And then on top of it, if that wasn't enough, your house, you could still eat off the floors. Like, I just don't get it, right?

SPEAKER_01: 3:29

So I don't know about that one. But listen, listen, if you don't mind a little dog hair in your food, or you know, no, it's not perfection, but I think in the time that I've been a wife, a mother, a pastor, in all of these years experience in my journey, I've learned to balance things out. Things are not always going to be perfect. I wish you could eat off the floor in my house, but I keep it livable. And a lot of people find it hard to do that, but I've learned to allow the grace of God to help me through it and not be so hard on myself, you know? With kids, you have to live life and be okay with everything not being perfect. That's what my perfection is. Otherwise, it'll drive you crazy. So finding balance in your life is important. I found that's helped me.

SPEAKER_00: 4:28

Well, how do you find that balance? Where do you even find time for balance? Because with all the people and the demands, and I understand grace, you know, and I understand that his grace is sufficient, but you still only get 168 hours in a week. So, how do you find time to find that balance? I learned to live in the present.

SPEAKER_01: 4:47

I had to learn how to do that along the journey to absorb every moment. I'm a scheduler, and then I give myself grace when I can't meet the schedule. And I think that's kind of what drives people a little bit mad and and upset, is when you know you plan something and then you're not able to really meet it. But I've learned how to adjust, be flexible, and plan accordingly for what you have. Too much is given, much is required. And so I thank God that He's given me that through tests and trials, because I wasn't always like that. I was the one like, oh my God, you know, this is too much. But I learned how to settle in it and say, okay, this didn't work out. Let me readjust my time, my schedule, learning how to say no to some things, um, knowing that people will be disappointed, and it's okay, they'll live to see another day, you know. You're not gonna be able to be everything to everyone. Here's one thing can I share this with you?

SPEAKER_00: 5:52

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 5:52

One of my biggest things that I realized that I had was the superwoman complex, and I had to let her die, literally, and say to myself, even when she tries to resurrect that I am not superwoman, I am a boss, which I believe is a believer of supernatural strength. That's the acronym, boss, believer of supernatural strength that is not of me, but it's from the Lord. So I find the time. The first thing I do is seek first the kingdom of God and all of his righteousness, and then I know God will add everything else to me. And I learn how to pray like Joshua. I learned how to pray, Lord, hold back time, slow down time, give me more time, and then help me to live in the moment, in the present of what's happening, otherwise, you'll miss it. You know, or my kids, just yesterday, Kim, it seemed like they were running around in diapers. Now, my oldest is about to be 30, and my youngest is gonna be 18. Wow, and so just yesterday I was changing diapers. Time goes like that. So learn how to adjust your time. I would tell people, especially moms, learn how to adjust your time according to what's going on at that moment in the present. Live in the present, learn how to take each moment and then be okay with being okay where you are right now. And you know, I know we're always thinking about the future, and I am a future thinker. I'm like, look, let's get it. What are we doing with our businesses? What are we doing with that? And I use my time accordingly, my alone time to do stuff like that. But scheduling for me is a must, and then I'm gentle with myself when I don't meet the mark of what I schedule.

SPEAKER_00: 7:45

That's so good. I guess because I've had the privilege of watching you actually walk that out, it just seems so simple from the outside. Like it just looks like, oh my gosh, this woman, she's so wonderful and so kind and so giving. And you are probably one of the most generous people I know. Even the stray animals in your neighborhood know to come to your house. And that's true. And she's like Dr. Doolittle. You are. And I what did I always tell you? I'm like, you know, you don't have to take in every stray that comes to the door, right? But that's just your nature. Your nature is nurture. And I know we've had this conversation, but I would love for you to let my listeners in on how that nurturing and that nature of being able to mother and mentor really prepared you for where you are because you're talking about thinking ahead to the seasons, but I'm looking at some of the past seasons that have set you up for right now and how well God prepared you just through your motherhood. You know, it wasn't through I got a master's degree or I got this, I got a master's degree from the master. So good. Talk to us a little bit more about that, about how your caretaking has set you up for now.

SPEAKER_01: 8:56

Oh, definitely. It has given me capacity. I realized that if you can nurture as what you said, or mother children, and God can trust you with that, then he'll give you more. And so now I have spiritual sons and daughters because of the fact that God could trust me through trials and situations, disappointments, learning. But I just told you that you know, you can't be all things to all people, and you're going to have to take what God gives you, focus on that, and do the best you can do. So you mentioned I did homeschool. I homeschooled for a season because I was having a lot of issues with my oldest son who was having behavioral stuff going on, and I didn't like that they wanted to immediately suggest medicine or diagnose him as something. And so I immediately began to talk to the Lord about it. And he said, You teach him, you bring him, you monitor your child, you be responsible for what I've given you and give him back to me. And that was a hard thing for me because not only did I homeschool him, but I took all the rest of my kids out of school and started doing it. And what that was doing for me was showing me that I really can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Now I had an amazing support system. My husband, he would come in and help. My mom would come in and help. I used an amazing curriculum in that season. So it made life easier for me to be able to do it. And what that did, I see now, is while I'm pastoring a church of amazing leaders, I use those same skills, techniques to teach them, to sit them down. Because literally, Kim, like you said, I made a whole room into a classroom in my home. We had the chalkboard, we had the desk, the chairs, and literally I use that same system in our church. We have tons of trainings and we have a whiteboard, you know what I mean? We have those areas where I can say I saw that I did this, not knowing I could do it, but taking leaps of faith. I'm gonna say it again. Taking leaps of faith when I know I wasn't qualified. Many teachers felt some kind of way when I homeschooled my children because they felt like I didn't have a degree. But I love what you said. I had a master's degree from the master, and he reminded me with faith, we can do what he said we can do, all things. And then the capacity of the eight kids, it really helped me with the capacity of our church, who has 30 to 40 members of leaders that we lead. So, again, in life, when you're experiencing some things, this is what grace does. I say, Grace hides your purpose. When Paul said, take this thorn out of my flesh, and God said, My grace is sufficient, he was literally telling him, There's something that I'm giving you that you're gonna be able to handle anything, even though it hurts, even though it seems difficult. And you will never know that until you go through it. And so I've learned to love challenges now because of that. I've learned to understand that some of these things are thorns and they're hard to do. But if you pay attention, grace will give you hidden signs of what you're supposed to be doing and what you can do, and it'll show you that it's working you, it's giving you exercise because there's a greater purpose, there's a greater destination that it wants to lead you to. I've learned that God in that season was really changing my diet and not uh eating diet, but the diet of what I was reading, how I was learning, how I was focusing. And he told me this recently. He said, I had to change your diet in the spirit to trust me more so that I can lead you to your destiny. And I'm still aiming towards that mark, but I'm realizing that all of it, all of it, when the Bible says all things work together for the good of them who love him and are called according to his purpose, he means that. He means that every child, every marriage, every situation, every divorce, everything, all of it, every loss, every gain, every business, everything I put on your lap is working together. And sometimes we have a tendency, which I did, to complain and not really begin to create and look at what he's giving me so that it can cultivate where I'm going to be. So that's why I've learned how to take every moment, live in the present, absorb it, eat it, look at it, say, that was a little bitter, but I know it's working for my good. What could I do better? How can I learn from that instead of complaining and saying, I'm done, I can't do this, which I've said, but I've learned how not to say that anymore. So, long story short, that's what it did for me. It really showed me that I had a greater capacity that I didn't know I didn't have, that hidden thing that I believe is inside of a lot of people. And so I go back to that. To much is given, much is required. We go through nothing for no reason, just be able to identify, begin to look and research and say, okay, there must be something greater than this that I'm headed into.

SPEAKER_00: 14:33

Oh, that's so good. Oh my gosh. See, these are the conversations that we always wanted to share. We get to the end of the conversation, we're getting ready to say goodbye. And it's like, oh, I wish I had gotten this on tape. So I'm so glad that you're sharing this with our audience because a lot of times we're just going through the everyday emotions and we don't realize what he's really doing is training us on the back side of the desert, right? Or I'm thinking about you remember the movie Karate Kid, wax on, wax off. And he's like, listen, wax off, wax off, wax off. Daniel Song. Right. And he's like, okay, your car is clean. And I could have taken it down to Jiffy Lube and gotten it all done for you really nicely. But you want me to wax on, wax off God. And I'm raising these children, and it wasn't always easy. And you made some decisions that were questionable. Because he now homeschooling is more popular and it's more mainstream since COVID. But at that time, we're talking 20 years ago. People just did not homeschool. And in the area where we lived, not only did they not homeschool, it was frowned upon by the state. So you really had to go through a lot. You almost had to beg to be able to homeschool your children. So there was that fight. So not only am I going against the grain and I'm swimming upstream, I'm having to put it in the fight, but he gave you muscles in that. And it looked like you were never going to finish raising children. And we walked through that time period together. And I've watched you use every single one of those experiences in what you're doing now. And I can say, having witnessed your congregation, you do, you have 30 solid leaders there. That's a lot of leadership that you have to corral. That's a lot of different personalities, quirks, giftings, talents, approaches, experiences. And you learn all of that from homeschooling children, taking in stray pets and learning how to love them.

SPEAKER_01: 16:31

Listen, you're raising children with different personalities, different ideas, different situations that they were going to. Just sharing with you guys. I adopted a few of my children. And so there was a lot of personalities. And I would love to talk about that too. You know, it's one thing when you have children of your own that you birthed out of you that have the same quarks you have, personalities, and but it's a whole nother thing when you have a whole nother coming from a different bloodline that have their own issues, right? So even that was the training for the rainy, right? Because if you can deal with other people's issues and not frown upon it and be sensitive to it and be diligent in prayer for it, because I had to go to the Lord many days because I didn't understand, because I wasn't raised like that. I didn't think like that. That helped me in the interim of where we are now to really begin to have compassion. And that's what was working in me, I believe, as well. The Lord was showing me how to do that, how to train in that, how to be compassionate to others, how to understand and see things from different lenses concerning people.

SPEAKER_00: 17:56

Yeah, this is so rich. And I'm looking at all of your babies now who are, I'm saying babies, but you know, I'm thinking about some of them who are six feet and over, pat me on my head, and I'm like, oh my gosh, like I literally held your hand and crossed the street. It's just unbelievable. But now they're ministers of the gospel, they are worship leaders, they love the Lord, they're married and have families of their own. Your family is expanding by leaps and bounds. And stop having babies. Listen, popping them out. They're married. So yes and amen. Your quiver is full. Come on. But I'm looking at that and I'm saying, wow, I see the fruit. Thank you for sharing that because I think a lot of times we as women, especially in the day-to-day, we don't feel like we're having the outcomes we want. I want to go to the conference and I want to get this degree or that certification. And God is saying, just, you know, get the victory over that sink of dishes. And I remember for you, it wasn't dishes. For you, it was laundry. It was a never-ending stream of laundry. It was like a laundromat in that house. It was always socks. And I just remember like how you had a system for everything. And I'm looking at those same systems that he gave you victory over with socks for well over a dozen people in your house at any given time. And then you would also take in godchildren, take in people who were homeless and didn't have anywhere to go. So it was never just you, your husband, and all of your children. It was you, your husband, your children, the pets, your mom, your aunt, the neighbor, this one's child, this one's child who was having problems at home and couldn't go home. It was always right. So, but you had a system for everything. And I'm watching those same systems now work for you running multiple businesses at one time, having property and keeping that in good condition and keeping that running and profitable, running the church, being married, and I can tell you they have a perfect no, but a great, great marriage. He's a good man. She chose well. Ladies, we're gonna have to talk about choosing well. That's another show. So y'all come back. But I'm watching all the things that he taught you during that time. You're just using them, the same things, the same techniques, the same grace in a different place. Yeah. And on top of that, so when you really got bored and you had a whole extra 10 minutes, 10 minutes, I say, you wrote a book called This Time, It's About Me. And it's a 60-day journey to discovering who you are, right? In the midst of all your motherhood. So tell us a little bit about that book.

SPEAKER_01: 20:37

Yeah, it was timely. I know the Lord wanted me to emulate him. You know, our father is an author. And so the Lord was really dealing with me about writing a book for mothers. At that time, I had started Mommy to Me because I was in that middle stage when my kids were a little bit older. And now God was saying to me, it's time to really focus on you. You've given of yourself, you've poured into what I've given you, and you've done a job well done. And so my heart posture was like, Lord, how do we do this? You know, and he took me on a journey where he said, It's okay to take care of yourself, it's okay to love you. Because at that point, I was so consumed by my family that I forgot about little old me. That's how I felt. And God literally said to me, No, this time it's about you. This time, and that's where the title of the book comes from. This time it's about me. And I had to say that to myself that self-care is not selfish, it's stewardship, it's what God desires of us to love us enough to take care of us. And I'm not talking about just the spa treatment, get your nails done, your hair done, even though we need to do that, especially caregivers who always take care of everybody else, who tend to not take care of myself. I wouldn't get my hair done because the kids needed sneakers. You know what I mean? I wouldn't go and get my nails done because I felt like that money could be used somewhere else because someone was hungry and I'm needing another bag of chicken to fry up. And God said, That's beautiful and kind, but I'm God. And that's that whole part about the superwoman syndrome. And God said, Okay, now I need you every day for 60 days to write down what it is that I think about you, what it is that I love about you, what do you love about yourself? I need you to look at everything that I brought you through. I need you to put it on paper because there's other mothers out there, and there's other women out there and caretakers out there that need to hear. It's okay to take care of yourself. Take a moment. That's that balance. And so I co-wrote it with a friend, Michelle Lazarick. She's an amazing author. She wrote over 13 books, I believe, because I didn't know really how to get started. And she sat with me and she said, Let's get this thing going. She said, I'm gonna show you how to work that out. That's another thing I need to say to everybody who's listening. Learn how to partner with what you can't do. There's a lot of things that I felt like I couldn't do because I spent so much time raising children and being a good, what they would considered housewife and taking care of the home, that I forgot that there was more inside of me. And so I didn't know how to bring that out. And the Lord began to say, begin to reach out. There's other pieces in the body, members of the body, and people who can help you. And so I first had to get that pride out the way and say, you know what, I don't know how to do this. And I reached out to my co-author and searched for help, and she said, Come on, we can do this. So it's a 60-day devotional, it'll walk you through part of my life. You'll get to read in there as a mom, as a pastor at the time. We weren't pastoring, but we were like assistant pastors of several other ministries, helping out other ministries. And I needed to really express to the world, like my father, that there's a way you can do this thing, taking care of yourself and not feeling guilty about doing it, that we can truly do all things through Christ who strengthens us. So this time is about me.

SPEAKER_00: 24:33

I love it. I'm going to put the link to the book and the show notes, but you've repeatedly brought up something that's really, really great. And I would be remiss if I didn't just touch on that for a moment. Several times you've talked about having a great support system, right? In different areas, in different seasons for different things, and that being part of the grace. Can you just, just for a few minutes, just let us know what are your thoughts on partnering and bringing in that support system? Because some of us still wear the cape and we're not so good at asking for and receiving help.

SPEAKER_01: 25:11

Yeah, I think it's essential, especially in this season that we're in, partnership is completely necessary in order to expand. We have to put our hands together. I tell a lot of the leaders in our church, this is the time that you do want to have a mentor, a business coach, a life coach. Um, you do want to have people that can help walk you through. And this is not the time to make excuses that I can't do it. Because it again, the enemy will come in and the enemy will come in and say, but I can't because I don't have or I don't know or I'm not equipped. But listen, you gotta learn how to be an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs, they will step out and move in, and you gotta know that that's inside of you. All of us are entrepreneurs, all of us were our creators. We are all creators because we are created by the creator, and he put that inside of us. We are created in his image and his likeness. And here's the thing: everything is not inside of us, there's stuff inside of other people, and so partnership in this season is a must. I'm gonna say it. It's a must, it's a must in this season. If you want to be successful, if you want to go up higher, if you want to expand in life, you don't know everything. Get in a room, network, ask people questions, find out. Um, the Lord told Joshua, he said, be very strong and courageous. But there's some things the Holy Spirit will do outside of you through someone else. Okay, and so I would tell them to reach out, look for a mentor. If you believe that there's someone who knows more than you, that's what a mentor is, and they're doing what you want to do. Don't be afraid to reach out to them and say, Hey, I really like what you're doing. I want to learn how to do that. Is there any way that we can just have a conversation? Or do you have a program? Do you have something going on? I've had people come to me because I've learned how to do that and just call and say, I really like what you do. Can you show me how to do that? Or hire a life coach or a business coach if you're starting a business. Right now, I have an amazing business coach, KH coaching, who has been blessing my life because there's things I don't know how to do that she has experience in. And so you reach out.

SPEAKER_00: 27:41

Thank you for that. I love the fact that you're taking off this cape. You're helping other women take off the cape. And uh, we're gonna wrap up. But before we do, I know that you're writing another book.

SPEAKER_01: 27:54

Yes, I'm excited about this book. The title is Finding Grace for Your Race. And this book is all about leading those who want to find where they are, identifying what their gifts are, and learning how to run that race. We often think the journey in life is just this. Let's get to the finish line, but it really isn't. This is not a sprint, it's really like a marathon. We got to keep going and we gotta pace ourselves. We got to pace yourself as you're going through the journey. It's what I said earlier. You gotta take each moment, you gotta live in that moment, like enjoy that moment. Before you know it, you're picking up things, you're picking up speed, you're picking up momentum, you're picking up a standard, and then you're learning how to love where you are, you're learning how to build muscle. And you're like, wow, okay, I could do this. We could go a little further. Then you start realizing there's other people along the way, and as they're cheering you on, you're giving them hope, you're giving them insight, you're giving them the ability. I can do that too. And it'll cause you to keep going and keep going and keep going. And when you finish that race, you can turn around and then say, come on and cheer on everybody else. And so in this book, it talks all about my journey. It's another area of my journey. Um, learning what God has graced me to do that I didn't even know was there, those hidden things. That's what Grace does. Grace has been a friend to me, and she showed me the things that was in me, that was buried in me, the gifts that was in me that I didn't even know was there. But not only did she identify that and help me with that, it allowed me to strengthen those gifts and strengthen, you know, because there's a partnership. That's what we're talking about. A partnership, you know, grace will help you, but then there's a part of you that you have to want to help yourself. You're going to have to help yourself along the journey and learn who you are, be okay with that, identify it, and say, okay, now I'm gonna be the best person that I've learned that I'm Supposed to be within myself. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00: 30:03

Oh, it's wonderful sense. I can't wait to read it. Yeah. Well, Ruth, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. Thank you for being so transparent with us. I'm looking forward to reading that book. And I know my listeners are going to appreciate you as much as I do. That's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Be sure to subscribe to the show wherever you're listening so you never miss one. I would love it if you would share the podcast with your friends, post about it on Facebook and Instagram, or leave a review. That way you can help me to bring you more great content and expert guests. Until next week, be blessed.