20: 7 Signs You May Need to Leave a Relationship

Are you feeling stuck in your relationship? Sometimes it can be hard to know when to move forward when we want what is best for our relationships and the people involved. Unfortunately, not all relationships are forever—sometimes emotionally painful decisions have to be made if we are going to protect ourselves and reach our God-given potential. If you feel like something isn’t quite right but aren't sure how to discern whether or not it is time to leave a relationship, this episode is for you — here are seven signs that may indicate it's time for you to let go and position you to start carving out a better life for yourself.

Top reasons to listen to the entire episode:

• Discover the 7 signs that you may need to leave a relationship.
• Find out what it means to be a "complementary Christian.”
• Learn how to make sound decisions about your relationships.

Mentioned Resources

Episode 6: Spring Cleaning: Toxic Relationships

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

Have you come to the point in your life where doing that work, church, home, repeat just isn't working for you anymore? And you know there's gotta be more to life than this. Then girl, you've come to the right place. I'm Kimberly Knight, and this is the Position Podcast. As a certified coach, consultant, author, and speaker, I've had the privilege of helping women to position themselves for success in life, love, and business. So if you're ready for some wisdom wrapped up in a little bit of girlfriend, join me and other experts each week as we give you the conversation coaching and keys you need to take you to your next steps. Welcome to the position podcast. I am your host, Kimberly Knight. And today we're going to talk about seven signs that you may need to leave a relationship. Now, y'all know we love our signs. Mm-hmm. Lord, give me a sign. I need a sign, Lord. If you just give me a sign, I'll know what to do. So here's your sign, girls. Let's come in hot. I'm starting off with number one. His mama tells you he's no good for you and you need to go. Listen. Now, don't just listen to me. You better listen to his mama. If a man's mama tells you he's not good for you, girlfriend, trust, he is not good for you. Don't even walk away. You need to run. I mean, feet don't fail me now. Run away. The other direction. You need to block his number, leave now. Don't wait for an explanation. Don't wait for closure. For a man's mother to say that, that's some serious stuff right there. You know we love our sons, right? And that whole mother-son dynamic is so complex and so complicated. But for a mother to say that my son is not good for you, oh, you need to believe that. Mm-hmm. Now, I have seen this in my life once or twice. There's one that I remember from my 20s. This mother told a young lady, he is not good for you. He is going to lead you astray or leave you brokenhearted. You really need to walk away from this relationship. However, being in our 20s, we thought we knew everything, right? So she did not walk away from him until after he threatened her life and he was serving time. So if the man's mama tells you he's no good for you, he's not. Walk away. No, no, no, no. Run. So here's a second sign that you may need to leave the relationship. You don't trust him. Listen, I recently had a discussion with someone that left me scratching my head. So maybe y'all can help me make sense out of this because I just don't get it. So she is in a sexual relationship with this man and they have been so for a long time, but she doesn't trust him with her purse. Huh? Make that make sense for me because I don't get it. If you don't trust him enough to hold your purse, why would you trust him enough to have sex? I'm not even getting into the sin of it. I'm not talking about that right now. That's another show. What I am talking about right now is if you don't trust him with your money, if you don't trust him with your credit cards, I'm not even talking about you're in the store and you're giving it to him to use. I'm talking about it's in your purse and you can't let him hold your purse because you're afraid that he's going to mishandle it. But you can have sex with him. Make that make sense for me. I'll wait. See, y'all couldn't make sense of that either, because that doesn't make sense. Oh, goodness gracious, Lord, I got so much work to do. But trust is a powerful tool, right? Trust is very important because trust tells you this person is not safe. So if they're not safe for your purse, they're not safe for your body, they're not safe for your life. And understanding that sex, it is not just physical, it's emotional, it's spiritual. There's a coming together of not only bodies, but spirits and souls. So if you can't trust him with your purse, how do you trust him with your spirit and your soul, ma'am? Okay. In any case, just overall sexual relationship notwithstanding, if you feel like you can't trust him or something in you is still going, I don't know, it may be time to walk away. All right, here's number three. Oh, this is a biggie. And when I tell you, I have seen this so many times, even in my own life, I'll tell y'all about that in a minute. He tells you you should go. If a man tells you to leave, trust him. Mm-hmm. There's one time you should trust him, right? So if he says you should go, or in my case, that man actually told me he wasn't good for me. Believe him the first time. Yes, ma'am. So when I was single, I wasn't even actively dating at that time. I wasn't actively looking at that time. But I'll never forget, I was in a health food store. It was summer, I was looking kind of cute. Hey. And this gentleman walked up to me, very nice, and he said, I'd really like to get to know you better. We exchanged numbers and we talked for a while. In our conversations, he said to me one day, and I think we had three conversations. I'm trying to remember because this was a long time ago. I was in my late 30s at that time. I remember him saying, You're really serious about God. And I was like, Yeah. Yeah. He goes, Okay. Well, I'm gonna leave you alone because I'm gonna corrupt you, sir. Thank you. Again, this is a feat don't fail me now moment. I didn't ask for closure. I didn't ask for an understanding. I was kind of bummed because he was a really nice guy and the conversations were great. But when you tell me I'm gonna let you go or I'm not gonna pursue you any further because, and these were his words, corrupt you. Bye-bye. I don't need anything else. That was it. Yeah, that was enough. Amen. All right, what about number four? Number four is he doesn't bring out the best in you. If he doesn't bring out the best in you, it may be time to walk away. So you're constantly bickering, fussing, arguing, and fighting, or here it goes, air quotes, it's complicated. Get out of here. Or situationships. He just doesn't bring out the best in you. And you can't remember the last time you had a really good conversation about something meaningful without a heated argument or a strong disagreement. Now, that doesn't mean that y'all have to think exactly alike or that you can't have a difference of opinion. What I'm saying is if every time you try to have a discussion of substance, you are left feeling drained, depleted, and always having to defend your position, it may be time to walk. All right. Number five, oh my gosh, if I had a dollar for every time I saw this or got this as a question, I would be so much richer. So number five, he doesn't define the relationship. Boy bye. You've been in a relationship with a man for a year, but he won't give it a title or define that relationship. Girl, walk. You're wasting your time. It does not take a mature man of quality years upon years and ages upon ages to determine whether or not he wants to be in your life. It does not take men that long to make up their minds. So if he cannot make up his mind to define the relationship, you need to define it as over. That's my personal opinion. Doesn't make it right, but I don't think I'm wrong. This is not the romance channel. You do not have to run behind a man. By the way, this was not in my notes, but if you have to run behind a man, he's not yours. Okay. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. It does not take a man years upon years and ages upon ages to determine if he wants to be a part of your future. It does not. And if he refuses to define what you mean to him or to be public about what you mean to him, these boots were made for walking. Mm-hmm. All right, y'all. Number six, you differ on the major points of life. Now, I know that on the romance channel, they always do the opposite attract theme, right? So these opposite attract. You're the city, he's the country, you want kids, he doesn't, or you want to be married, or don't want to be married, and he does. Oh my gosh, this is for television. This is for television, right? So how can two walk together unless they agree, the Bible says, or, you know, do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Let's not even get into he doesn't share your faith. And I'm not just talking about being a Christian, I'm talking about a Christian with complementary beliefs. Again, he doesn't have to believe each and everything that you believe the same way, but y'all have to be able to agree on the major points and how you walk that out. So one of the big things for me beyond faith or in addition to my faith was also generosity. It's part of my life. I love to give. So I can't have a stingy man. So I'm paying attention to things like that because if we differ on a major point like that in my life, I'm called to give. I know that. I know that I'm called to support kingdom causes. I know that. I pray all the time to be a kingdom financier. I want to finance projects and people and organizations that are doing God's will and work in the earth. So I can't have a stingy man. So I had to pay attention to that. So not only did I have to be attracted to this man and did he have to be great for my life, but he also had to be okay with me being generous without it being an issue. I paid attention. I paid attention to how he tipped. I paid attention to how he treated the wait staff or the people who were waiting on him or helping him. I paid attention to his giving and how generous he was with others and with me. So that was a major thing in my life. My faith is a major thing in my life. So do you love him? Do you hear him? And when you hear him, do you obey? Do you obey quickly? Can he tell you no? And you abide by that. See, these were major points in my life because there'll be things I want to do or that you want to do, and God tells me no. And that has happened in our marriage, where there were things or places or even movies, certain movies, right? My husband already knows. I'm not even going to it. There was a movie that came out, everybody was loving it. And I said, Holy Spirit was like, mm-mm, not for me. Now I didn't tell my husband he couldn't go. He's a grown man. If he wants to go to the movie and God is not dealing with him about it, go. And it may seem like a little thing, but it's not a little thing when these things occur repeatedly, when God's like, that's not for you. So now does that become a point of argument? Or is this something that we've learned to come to a meeting of the minds about? And there were things that my husband has shared that I didn't look at them that way. And I'm like, hmm, I now have to consider that. There were other things that I brought to the table and certain things that I felt were beneficial or not beneficial that he hadn't thought about. That's different. But when I get a concrete no or it's something major in our lives, these are things that we need to agree about. I know of a couple who was engaged and the engagement was dissolved because she wanted children and he did not. That's major. Number seven, you may need to leave a relationship and girls, I mean, run, don't walk. If he demands what he's not willing to give. That includes his time, attention, money, access, details about your life, fidelity, exclusivity. Listen, if he won't give it, he doesn't get it. Let me say that again. If he won't give it, he doesn't get it. How are you going to be faithful and exclusive with a man who is not faithful and exclusive to you? This is not something you teach him by doing. This is a decision that he makes. And if he refuses to give what he demands of you, oh, that's a sure enough sign that you may need to walk away from this relationship. I'm sorry, run. Absolutely. So, ladies, I know we love a sign. Let's make it practical and take it out of the mystical. So those are the seven signs that you may need to leave a relationship. And I have a free resource for you that you can download. I will leave the link in the show notes. Be sure to share it with a friend. It is called Should I Take My Ex Back? Listen, sometimes you should. Ooh, maybe I should do a show about that. Sometimes you should take your ex back, but not all the time. And this will help you to determine wise moves for yourself. I'll leave that in the show notes. And please contact me and let me know what you think about these signs that you should walk away from the relationship and give me a time that you've walked away. All right, love to hear from you. Until next time, be wonderfully blessed. That's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Be sure to subscribe to the show wherever you're listening so you never miss one. I would love it if you would share the podcast with your friends, post about it on Facebook and Instagram, or leave a review. That way you can help me to bring you more great content and expert guests. Until next week, be blessed.