22: More Awkward Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged

**Trigger Warning: Sex and Adult Situations**

Do you struggle to bring up conversations that could cause controversy in your relationship? Maybe you're worried about potential conflicts or misunderstandings resulting from taboo topics like prenups or cultural differences. In this episode, Kimberly is diving into more awkward questions to ask before you pop a ring on that finger. If you are ready to save your marriage before it starts, this episode is for you!

In this episode, you will be able to:

1. Discover strategies for preventing misunderstandings and maintaining a strong, healthy, lasting marriage.
2. Gain insights into important, yet often overlooked, questions to ask before getting engaged.
3. Learn about potential career, family, cultural differences, and personal boundaries challenges.

Mentioned Resources

Episode 21: Awkward Questions You Need to Ask and Answer BEFORE You Get Engaged

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Transcript

Speaker: 0:00

You're about to listen to more awkward questions you should ask before you get engaged. Now, there is a part one. The link is in the show notes and you should check it out. These questions, indeed, are awkward. But the marriage you save may be your own. You'll thank me later. Take a listen. Have you come to the point in your life where doing that work, church, home, repeat just isn't working for you anymore, and you know there's gotta be more to life than this, then girl, you've come to the right place. I'm Kimberly Knight, and this is the Position Podcast. As a certified coach, consultant, author, and speaker, I've had the privilege of helping women to position themselves for success in life, love, and business. So if you're ready for some wisdom wrapped up in a little bit of girlfriend, join me and other experts each week as we give you the conversation coaching and keys you need to take you to your next steps. Welcome to the Position Podcast. I am your host, Kimberley Knight. And today we are going to talk about more awkward questions you should ask before you get engaged. You know, before you get married, it's really important for both of you to have that open, honest conversation about the things that are going to go on in your lives as you move forward. You want to ensure that strong, healthy, lasting marriage. And some of these questions are going to be awkward to ask. That's why the title, y'all. But addressing them is going to help you to prevent misunderstandings and ensure that you're on the same page. So here are some more awkward questions you might want to ask before you get engaged. So, number one, you want to talk about calling, career, and purpose. What are you called to do that you haven't answered yet? Right? You definitely want to ask him that. Why? Because one day he may have some crisis of conscience and answer that call and it could upend your life. So he is a pastor. And he became a pastor because his father was a pastor, and his father's father was a pastor, and his great-grandfather was a pastor. You love the whole first lady thing, and he decides he's going to answer his call to be a CPA halfway through your marriage. Now what? These are things we have to have a discussion about. You also want to know does he intend to work full-time throughout the life of your marriage until retirement? And I happen to know a few ladies who got surprised after getting married because their husbands quit to pursue some dreams that were not financially lucrative, nor were they consulted. Some just plain quit, didn't pursue anything, and used her as a meal ticket. So you just want to be sure that you two are on the same page about what that looks like. You know, does he plan to stop working to pursue further education? And you're going to need to support him through that? Is that something you're willing to do? And if so, how are you going to work that out? And what are the terms? What is your agreement? Also, you want to discuss what it would look like if he has a side hustle or a business he wants to pursue or to explore. Is it in a field that you agree with? Like if he decides to open a liquor store, is that okay with you? If he decides to open a marijuana dispensary, is that okay with you? Is that something you could support? If he decides to, I don't know, sell barbecue out of your backyard, are you okay with strangers coming to your house to pick up their barbecue meals? It seems silly, but it's not silly when people are traipsing across your lawn. You need to have these discussions. All right, let's look at another one that you might want to ask. And this is awkward. I mean, this is way awkward. And I, as a paralegal, saw this numerous times. Here's this awkward question for you. Do you want a prenup? Hmm. I know we see it on television, and it is the mean, angry, bitter mother-in-law who demands that she signs a prenup. Uh, ladies, let me tell you something. Depending upon who he is, his track record, your track record, what you're both bringing into the marriage, your projected income, and all of the past experiences, you may want a prenup. And I know for some of you, you feel like it is planning for a divorce. And prenups aren't only for divorces, right? They also set forward some other things that are important in the relationship, including during the relationship, not just at its demise. So depending upon those things, you may want a prenup. All right. Another awkward question you may want to ask is about family. Before you get engaged, you want to know what does his family think of you? And how important is that to him? You want to talk about what your plans are for your aging parents. Do you want them to live with you? Under what circumstances? Is there anyone else who can live with you? And if so, under what circumstances and for how long? Here's one. And this is awkward, but you need to have the discussion. How do you want to handle family or friends that make you feel uncomfortable? So if he has friends or family that make you feel uncomfortable, or vice versa, how do you want to handle that? I have seen a lot of relationships hit the rocks over just this very thing. So here's another awkward question you may want to ask. What about cultural differences? How do you think the cultural differences are going to play out in our daily lives and in how we make major decisions? Now, before I got married, I met a man who I will call Stan to protect his identity. And Stan was very attractive, very well spoken, highly educated, and we enjoyed each other's company immensely. I think we went out on about three dates. We talked a lot. He traveled for work. So, you know, he would call regularly, he kept in touch and was definitely interested in pursuing a relationship. After the third date, he invited me to his church conference, which I couldn't attend in person, so he invited me virtually. The bulk of the conference was in his native tongue. Oh my gosh. And I said, this is a major part of his life. He was very active in his church and in the ministry, in addition to his career, but here was a major part of his life that I would not have been able to share in because we didn't speak the same language natively. Now, did he have excellent English skills? Yes. But I didn't speak his tongue. I had absolutely no experience with it. And not only that, the people who were in his circle didn't receive me because I was an outsider to them. So even though we got along great, even though he was a very good man and we could have had a nice relationship, we mutually decided that we were going to cut it off because we didn't fit into each other's extended lives, right? And you have to look at that. Cultural differences do matter and they don't just work themselves out. Here is another awkward question you have to ask before you get engaged. Which friends are important to him and what do they think of you? The reason that that's important is because when the two of you are married and have difficulties, where do you think he's going to go for advice? Where do you think he's going to go to vent? If these friends aren't wise and godly counsel, or their relationships are always in shambles and full of drama, that's the only counsel they can bring. And I am telling you, the source of your advice matters and it's going to make a big difference in your marriage. Also, you want to talk about things like personal boundaries, like how do they balance personal space and shared activities and responsibilities, right? Because, you know, how much downtime does he need? How much downtime do you need? How much girlfriend time do you need? How much guide time does he need? And are there any activities, habits, or behaviors that are deal breakers? See, people aren't having these conversations. And as I say all the time, it's not about the butterfly feelings, it's more about being practical in your approach to love that makes it last. You also want to look at what his recreational activities are is it something that you want to do together? And does he plan to still do them after you're married? So if it's something that you don't enjoy, but you're okay with him doing that, and he feels like, okay, that's great, I can go do that, then you need to have that discussion about how much time is spent on that, how much money is spent on that, what you're going to do for yourself during those times so that you're not angry, resentful, and bitter. See, these are the awkward questions we've got to ask before we pop that ring on our finger. These are the things that could very well save your relationship and your marriage before it starts. What about long-term goals? Have you had that awkward discussion about where you see us in five, ten, or twenty years? Remember, you want to get married one time and make it forever. So you want to know what your life is going to look like moving forward. If he doesn't have a vision and you don't have a vision, that's a problem. If your visions do not match, that's a problem. So do have that discussion, even though you might step on each other's toes or it gets awkward. Lastly, you want to talk about health and well-being. And this is a biggie. Are there any past, existing, or hereditary health conditions or concerns that could impact our marriage? You want to know that. Has he struggled with something in the past and now it is under control, but it could come back later? Are there things in his heritage or in his bloodline that could cause you problems in the future or impact his mobility or his ability to speak? You want to know that so you can make quality decisions. This is not about being shallow. This is about making quality decisions for your life. So these are just some of the awkward questions you should ask before you get engaged or married. The marriage you save may be your own. Now, if you have some additional awkward questions or a story about asking awkward questions before you got married or after, please drop me a line. I would love to hear from you. The link is in the show notes. Until next time, be wonderfully blessed. That's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Be sure to subscribe to the show wherever you're listening so you never miss one. I would love it if you would share the podcast with your friends, post about it on Facebook and Instagram, or leave a review. That way you can help me to bring you more great content and expert guests. Until next week, be blessed.