My Story: From Heartache to Healing and Happily Ever After

Love, loss, and the journey toward healing are often paths walked alone, but today, you're invited to walk with me, Kimberly Knight, as I open my heart about the twists and turns that have led me to newfound love and purpose. I recount the tale of my divorce, a story not unfamiliar to many, and the years that followed—juggling single motherhood, a career, and the care of aging parents. I also share the personal growth and quiet reflection that ultimately prepared me for a second chance at love and my happily, ever after.

I discuss the transformation that mentorship and guidance played in readying my heart for someone special and how a surprising last-minute message became the catalyst for a whirlwind romance. 

Mentioned in the episode:

Dr. Alexis' Here Comes the Bride Episode - https://bit.ly/49QxTtV

Check out my brand new Love Labs: https://bit.ly/4aOESok

Celebrate Faith's sweet love story: https://apple.co/3xQgSmF

Enjoy Naomi's hysterical journey to the altar: https://apple.co/3QjK8IB 

Here are some newlywed secrets no one talks about: https://apple.co/3UjJqgQ

Connect with Kimberly

Join Love Labs - Love Labs, is a transformative monthly membership program designed exclusively for single, Christian women seeking to position themselves for love, marriage, and meaningful relationships.

Join the waiting list for Positioned for Love - Ready to find the love you've prayed for and deserve? Join Kimberly's Positioned For Love program, tailored for single Christian women, and gain exclusive early access to our next enrollment.

Follow Kimberly on Facebook

Connect with Kimberly on Instagram

Visit her website

Download your copy now -> Should You Take Your Ex Back

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Position Podcast. I'm your host, kimberly Knight, and today we're going to talk about me. So many of you met me on Dr Alexis, here Comes the Bride series and if you haven't had a chance to check that out, the link is in the show notes and you can go and check that out. It is a good 30 minutes well spent, right. So let me know how you like that. But I also figured out that many of you heard the end of my story, my happily ever after. But you don't know about the once upon a time. So I want to tell you and share with you today how I got here.

Speaker 1: 0:44

I married my high school sweetheart two weeks after college graduation and I didn't get a class ring, I got a wedding band and I thought that was going to be it right, we were going to be happily ever. After the end, not quite 13 years later, two children later, I found out that he had started a family across town and was spending what he told me was working overtime on his job was actually spending it with them. So, as you probably can guess, this was not conducive to continuing to be married. Conducive to continuing to be married. I filed for divorce. At that time I was a divorce paralegal and I had to appear on Friday in court in front of the judge and all of the court officers, the court reporter and the other attorneys that I worked with and had cases with, and then go back to work on Monday. And I wish I could tell you by the time I went back to work on Monday that I was healed and whole and delivered and had been set free and that everything was peachy keen. It was not. I was embarrassed, I was humiliated. That Friday they heard everything, from our bedroom to the bank account to, I mean, everything was on display, everything he could do to embarrass me, he said and he shared even things that weren't necessary. So I really, really took a hit. I took a deep hit in my spirit, I took a deep hit in my soul and it took me a long time to recover from that A long time.

Speaker 1: 2:29

I'm talking like a decade, because part of the reason it took so long was that I didn't take time to heal Some of the time. I really didn't have time to heal because I had so much going on. So I had to raise my two children. They were very young, they were two and six. At the time I had my dad, who was I had to caretake him. I've helped my mom for almost eight years and then he passed in February. My mom was diagnosed in August and I caretake her for about seven more years or so.

Speaker 1: 3:06

Then I was also working full time. I needed a side hustle because I wasn't getting child support, so I took on a side hustle. I was teaching college, I was leading ministries, I wrote a book, I wrote four digital publications. I also went back to school and got a master's degree and eight certifications in coaching. So and four of those, by the way, were with John Maxwell's organization, and if you know John Maxwell, you know he is the leader of leaders, and if you are in a leadership position and you haven't checked out his materials yet, I'm going to encourage you to do so. I'll put the link to that in the show notes as well.

Speaker 1: 3:46

I digress, but um, so I spent that time well. Right, I spent that time well. But I also spent it unhealed, and I wish I had done more proactively to be healed sooner, because later on, as my children began to get older, my dad passed, my mom was ill and I knew that her time with us was limited. It's still kind of hard to think of that and I just I didn't know what to do. I didn't. I knew what not to do. Right, not to be. Try not to be bitter and angry. But yeah, I spent some time in bitterness. I did, and the Lord had to do some work in that.

Speaker 1: 4:39

I lived, I walked the walk right. It said you got to be a good girl, you know, you're in ministry, people are watching you. So did I walk that walk? I did, and it sometimes sometimes it was easier than others and I'm going to come to that. But sometimes it was easier than others. Sometimes it was like I'm not going back. But God kept me through all of that until I met my now husband, who's absolutely wonderful. So I also went back, kept myself busy. They said be busy about your father's business. So I did that and I was still single and I was OK.

Speaker 1: 5:16

I was OK for the first decade. I was just too busy. I had too much going on to even think about a husband. I mean, I didn't even think about it. I was like this is just. I'm going to raise these kids. This is just where I am right now and I made that as a quality decision for my life. Now here's the other thing. Some of you who are single moms are saying am I supposed to wait until my children are adults before I start looking for covenant love? No, everybody is different, everyone has a different story, everyone has a different call, and you need to know what the Lord is saying to you about your timing. I just knew that I didn't have enough to do all of these things and take care of all of my responsibilities and give my romantic partner what he would need in order to feel loved and supported. So that was a decision I made. I really just wanted to raise my children without a lot of complication, but that was for me, not necessarily you. Okay. So, that said, I spent that first decade. I was fine, I was busy, I was doing what I do. Ministry was off the charts and you know my children were doing pretty well. You know, I mean they were hurting, but we survived and we did what we had to do.

Speaker 1: 6:44

Then I get to around year 12-ish or so and I'm like what is this going on here? It is almost like my flesh said excuse me, did you forget me? We're in our sexual peak. What are we doing here? Why are we peaking and nothing happening? I remember sharing that with my pastor's wife and we were cracking up. But I was like, oh my gosh, I'm in my sexual peak and my flesh is like this girl is on fire. And I couldn't figure it out. So I did what every good church girl does when her flesh is on fire I fasted and I prayed and I cried out to the Lord. I turned that plate down in consecration. I kiddy about until this thing's going to go right. It didn't go. We're like six months in now and now I'm like why can I not get rid of this spirit of lust? It just won't go. So I call him a spiritual mama. And now I am on the floor in tears because I'm like I don't understand why this is going so wrong. And what did I do? And I've been walking this walk and I'm watching.

Speaker 1: 7:57

I didn't watch secular TV at all for eight years. I didn't read fiction, excuse me, because I didn't want to give myself those vain imaginations. I knew my imaginations could run wild. I'm a creative, so I was very careful about what my ear gates and eye gates took in. I didn't listen to secular music at that time, so I was really really very careful and I didn't entertain men. So it wasn't like I was dating and I was struggling. I was just at home struggling, I didn't know what was going on.

Speaker 1: 8:25

So I call her and you have to know, when you have a spiritual mom who really loves you and knows you, and you get on that phone and you can finally tell the truth. It came out like this and I just and I just tried it, full blown, come apart, full blown, come apart, full blown, come apart I just I couldn't, I couldn't hold it in another minute, right. So, after hearing me go on and on and on and all the you know and I'm talking about the ugly cry with the yeah, I love this woman of God and she's been my spiritual mother for maybe about 25 years or so. I love her because, after all of that and she hears all this and almost like in her voice and I could hear, are you done? She says to me I love this, honey. That's not lust, you need a husband. I'm going to pray for you. What do you mean, woman? You better not hang up this phone. That was it. That was it. She said. I'm going to pray for you. Can I tell you I wish I could say I was like, yay, husband, here we go. No, I wasn't.

Speaker 1: 9:49

It took me about another year to work through what she said, cause I was like, oh, is that what this is? Cause if that's what this is, I'm not sure I want one. I'm being honest, and I said to father what it really boiled down to. And when I tell you I went back and forth during this time to figure this out, I'm telling you the truth, because a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. So keep in mind, now I'm still not dating because I'm double-minded. I don't know what it is I want. And at the same time, I'm praying Lord, either kill this desire or fill this desire. I don't care which one you do, that's entirely up to you. Kill it or fill it. I just I don't want to be in this angst anymore. I don't want to be double-minded anymore. So that went on for a long time. That went on for almost a year or more.

Speaker 1: 10:41

But here's the thing I remember coming to the conclusion Lord, I don't want to get married just so I can have legal sex. I mean, sex is great, want to have it, but I don't want that to be the only thing that comes out of this marriage. That comes out of this marriage. If my marriage cannot serve a kingdom purpose you can skip me on this then, because marriage is work, marriage is ministry, and marriage causes for you to pour out in a way that you're not going to pour out into any other relationship in your life, and to a depth that you don't pour out into any other relationship in your life, and to a depth that you don't pour out into any other relationship in your life. So, that being said, I was like Lord if you can't attach a kingdom purpose to this, then please just kill the desire in me and let me. But here's what I don't want. I don't want to be haunted by it. I want to make a sound decision and then live into my decision. To make a sound decision and then live into my decision.

Speaker 1: 11:50

So I remember praying after that and I literally heard you're unnecessarily single. Now I should say to you that I was fasting and praying now for God to kill it or fill it at this point. And then I'm also fasting and praying for my future husband. So I'm fasting and praying for him to kill it or fill it. I also fasting and praying for my future husband. So I'm fasting and praying for him to kill it or fill it. I'm fasting and praying for my future husband.

Speaker 1: 12:10

Tuesday was my fast day for my husband. But I'm also telling him to kill it or fill it. Still double-minded, still double-minded. And now I'm a little bit whiny about it, because now I'm not even praying. If I'm really, if I'm really being honest, I'm not even praying. It's more like I don't understand why I'm still single. I don't understand why men don't approach me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm really whining, I'm not praying. And I guess God had you know. He was at the point where he was like that's enough, all right, let's wrap this up One day. I'm, you know, I'm doing my prayer, wine, and he says to me you're unnecessarily single, what You're unnecessarily single? You're unnecessarily single not because I don't want you to get married, but because you're not prepared and positioned to be married. Oh, excuse me, sir, so sorry, please explain further.

Speaker 1: 13:08

And then I began to understand that there were things I didn't know. I didn't know how to talk to a man in a romantic relationship. I knew how to minister. I didn't know how to talk to a man in a romantic relationship. I knew how to minister to one and to how to be appropriate in ministering to a man, right? Only men that I knew were my friend's husbands, and obviously you know I would speak to them differently than I would a romantic partner. I hadn't been around single men to know and no one had the training to give me that right. Because, as good Christian girls, what do we do? We avoid men at all costs because we don't want our integrity to be compromised.

Speaker 1: 13:46

Well, listen, if the only people that you're speaking to are your male relatives, those you minister to, or your friend's husbands or your own sons, then where are you getting the information and the support you need to speak to a man in a romantic relationship and build intimacy without sex? I'll wait, I'll wait. And I said to my spiritual mom I'm sharing all this with her and she says to me something that made me roll my eyes at her. Now I repented, but I did roll my eyes. She said you may have to build what it is you're looking for and I just like this, ma'am, please. I was at that time I was also the singles minister, by the way but she said you may have to build what you're, what it is you're looking for.

Speaker 1: 14:37

And that year I also knew I was not going to be able to do this on my own and I also knew and this is all by the spirit of God that I was going to need some help. You know it takes a village to raise children. You've heard that proverb? Right, it also is going to take a village to get you married. You've heard that proverb? Right, it also is going to take a village to get you married. Just saying Because, quite frankly, if you could have done it on your own, it would have been done by now. Again, I digress. I hired a coach. My coach got me all the way together and I started dating.

Speaker 1: 15:12

I had more dates and interest Once I learned how to speak to men and how to navigate romantic relationships. I had more interest in my online dating inbox than I could possibly respond to. Now here's something really, really interesting At the time, my then pastor's wife is the one who told me to go online and do some online dating. Our youth pastor had met someone. She met him. They dated, got engaged, married and had their first child in 18 months. And she was like maybe you should consider online dating and I will tell you, if she had not suggested it and endorsed it for me, I probably wouldn't have, because at the time I was like I think it's unseemly for a minister to do that.

Speaker 1: 15:57

But can I tell you, I saw on there so many people that I knew in real life. I'm talking like I would say, maybe 30% of the people that I came in contact with online dating. I knew them in real life, in different spheres. There was one man who had been the PTA president at my daughter's school. There was another who worked at a supermarket where I shopped every single week. As a matter of fact, the next week when I ran into him, I saw him online. I didn't, you know, I didn't swipe the right way, the correct way. I didn't choose to pursue that relationship or to pursue anything with that man, but we saw each other in real life. We were like you're doing that too. So all that shame and all that kind of stuff kind of faded into the background because I realized there were a lot of people looking for love and didn't have any other space in place to do it but online, like me, looking for love and didn't have any other space and place to do it, but online, like me. So I started that online dating. I had my coach. She was working with me.

Speaker 1: 17:04

I was getting a lot of attention. I was getting a lot of attention, a lot as a matter of fact. I was getting so much attention that I was just enjoying my life. Getting so much attention that I was just enjoying my life. Some of it oh, just wait for the book, because everything from the lightning strike to Bishop Bizarro, I really am writing a book about my experiences because I think it's going to give a lot of women encouragement. But, yeah, I had some very bizarre things. I had some very interesting and funny things and I'm yeah, oh, I can't wait, I can't wait to share some of that stuff with you, but anyway, so I'm going through this online dating experience and it's a mixed bag, right. So I'm enjoying the attention, but I'm getting quantity but not necessarily the quality I was looking for.

Speaker 1: 18:03

And the last straw for me was Bishop Bizarro, and I'm going to tell that story in my book. But he was a bishop. I will not mention any names. He had several churches and several. I mean, he was a man of quality. Right, he had several churches and several. I mean he was a man of quality, right, he had several investment properties, he had this great career. He was, you know, bivocational. He had this great career and he, you know, he led several churches and he was really interested in me and you know we had great conversation.

Speaker 1: 18:34

I was like, hey, maybe this could be something right, child, please it. This could be something right, child, please. It could not be something. His bizarre behavior when we met in person was like yo, did you just send your representative? What are you doing? We met and I'm like this man is crazy, like oh my gosh. Man is. This man is crazy, like oh my gosh. So this was the last straw for me, because I had had I had met a lot of nice men. Some of them were good men. They just weren't good for me. Some of them were crazy. At least one of them I almost had to call the police I didn't feel safe with.

Speaker 1: 19:17

And there's a whole myriad of other things that I'm going to cover. Matter of fact, I think I'm going to host a class just for good results in online dating, like how do you online date and stay safe and find a good man for you? I think I'm going to do that. If you think I should do that, please let me know in the comments, because I would love to do that for you. All right, so anyway, bishop Pizarro was the last yes, that's the name I gave him. He was the last straw. I was like I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this, this is not for me. If God wants me to be married online, he'll tell me to go back online. I hear him clearly and I'll wait.

Speaker 1: 19:50

So I was relaying all this to my pastor's wife and she was like okay, so we had our little meeting about some of the things around the church that I needed to get done and I went home to take down my profile and when I got home, there was only one email in the box. Now, that was really rare, because I was like sometimes I had 10, sometimes I had 30, sometimes I had five, but I never had one email in my box since I had been working with my coach and I was like, oh, this is a devil, he's trying to trick me. But curiosity got the best of me and I read it anyway, and I'm so glad I did, because this man's email was so respectful and so well-written, I couldn't resist. I had to know more about this man, and then I'll tell you the truth, girls. One of his pictures he had on his academic regalia right the toque and the robe with the three stripes. I said three stripes. He's a doctor. Oh, maybe he can conjugate a verb yes. So I immediately sent him an email. Thank you so much for your email and for reaching out. I'm honestly going to take my profile down in the next 24 hours. If you are still interested and you would like to have further contact, please let me know. And I gave him the email he reached out, but so fast he typed in the wrong email address and when I went back in he was like oh, you didn't respond. So we were able to connect.

Speaker 1: 21:30

The first time we had conversation he was like listen, I don't want to be someone's boyfriend. I'm way too old to be somebody's boyfriend. I want a wife. Do you want to be a wife? Okay, is he coming for me? Like that. He's like you know, people in our age group want companionship. I don't want companionship, I want a wife. I want my own wife, okay. He says well, you know, I'm ordained and I am ministering. Are you okay with that? And I'm like if you're okay with a female in ministry, because I had met a lot of men who were not okay with that. That's not a problem for me, okay. So he said, let's do this, let's meet for coffee this week, because this was either on a Saturday or a Sunday. We were going to meet the next week. So he said but let's spend some time getting to know each other and whether or not we're compatible for marriage, and if we are, we'll move forward, and if not, we'll bless each other and go our separate ways. Okay, and that's what we did.

Speaker 1: 22:36

So for the next six weeks we met in person. We had three dates in the first week, which I got to tell you is really phenomenal because we were living in different states. More on that. And on top of that, by the third date, he was like yeah, I'm going to marry you. So I called him Pentecostal pimp to his face and he said no, I'm sincere and I know that this will be good. So I'm going to make you love me, I'm going to be consistent and I'm going to show you that you can trust me and then you can love me and you will. Awesome, and I did.

Speaker 1: 23:12

Now I have to tell you before that there was this woman at my church who I saw her, oh, by the way, and this and I cannot, I cannot believe I forgot this right, Because this was one of the things that sealed the deal, to take away that double mindedness. I was in the mall with my children so I'm backtracking a little bit and going down the escalator was this couple from my church who we just adored and they had been married, I think, like 60 years or something. I mean like forever, forever. And they were on the escalator catching a smooch oh my gosh. And my children and I were like, oh my gosh, that's so sweet. I mean, it's like one of those things you didn't know whether to look away or take it all in, like you didn't. But I remember saying to her on that Sunday I said I want that. You all have been married all these decades and you're still smooching on the escalator. I want that. And she said to me honey, you could have that, I'll pray for you. So I had these two elder women praying for me.

Speaker 1: 24:27

Fast forward a few months. While I'm doing this online dating thing, she comes to me in the middle of the church vestibule and you have to know she's very petite, I don't think she's five feet tall, but she's got a big voice Like she's six feet tall. So in the vestibule she says to me hey, kim, are you even dating yet, are you? You're not getting married? Where's the announcement? So when she said, just like that, where's the announcement? I was like, okay, well, it's not like. You know, you can order it from a catalog. You really just have to, you know, do what you do. She's like something's not right. God is on the throne and I'm praying. We should have had movement by now. Are you even trying? Forget it, forget it. So by now she's not even talking to me, she's talking to herself. Just forget it, forget it. I'm going back to the throne.

Speaker 1: 25:17

Two weeks later, in the same church, she says to me he's in another state. So in front of everybody, no shame. She says I call you in from the east, the west, the north and the south and I say give him up If you have to take a train, a plane, a bus, if you have to walk from Florida. This is her exact words. I'll never forget this. You will come into her life immediately. Two weeks later my husband's email was in my inbox. Y'all need some elders who can pray in your life. I'm one of them. Okay, so let's go back to that time period. I have now met my knight in shining armor my last name, knight.

Speaker 1: 26:02

I have now met my knight in shining armor and we spent the first six weeks just exchanging information that people usually would do on the backend right. So we talked about our credit, we talked about our health, we exchanged health reports, std reports. We talked about what we call the good, the bad and the grace. So what was good in our life, what was not so great in our life and what would take grace to receive. We talked about all those things. My spiritual mom said can y'all just go to a movie? Just go to a movie? But we had all these discussions that people would usually date for a long time and then have on the back end. We had them on the front end. We talked about our future and what we wanted that to look like and what were our concerns and our fears for marriage and what all needed to be navigated in order for us to get there. So we were very intentional and very deliberate and I have to tell you, looking back now, I was like, wow, we were intense, but it helped us to walk into the situation with our eyes wide open.

Speaker 1: 27:09

So, that said, we dated, got engaged and married in eight months because we had done the work right. So I was 48 at the time and so I was 48, he was 57. He was like what are we waiting for? He was 57. He was like what are we waiting for? We've done the work, we've had the conversations ad nauseum right and let's get married. Matter of fact, he wanted to marry me in three months and when I finally said yes, he was like I took so long. He's like I was slow, but I needed to hear from the Lord for myself. He said he had heard from the Lord that he knew that I would be a good wife for him, but I hadn't.

Speaker 1: 27:58

So during that time period, so from the third month until we got engaged, at around month five or six, I was just saying no. I was like no, we were still dating and you know and enjoying each other's company and all that good stuff. But I was just saying no, I was like no, we were still dating and you know and enjoying each other's company and all that good stuff. But I was just saying no and and I remember um saying to him I know you heard the Lord, but I haven't. And he knows what I need to hear in order to make a decision this big. So until I hear from him, I'm not moving. I'm not moving on your say-so, I have to move on his say-so.

Speaker 1: 28:30

So we went through months like this, right and the last day, we used to go every Friday to a place to watch the sunset and this Friday Father had given me the release to say yes, this would be a good match for you. Yes, he came to the park for sunset time to tell me he couldn't take this anymore and he was going to break up with me. And I came to tell him that I had gotten a release to marry him. And what was really funny was, um, he said ladies first. I don't know what would have happened if he went first I really don't but I went first and I said I felt the leave of the Lord to say yes and to marry you. And he just sat there like, oh my gosh, I came to break up Right. So, naturally, after that we got engaged and then that fall, we got married. So we dated and got engaged from February to October. By October we were married and the rest is history, and this is happily ever after.

Speaker 1: 29:39

So I am saying this to encourage you, ladies that don't have that fairy tale ending yet. I thought in my first marriage I would get that happily ever after the end and I didn't. But this second time, this second time is absolutely wonderful and I want to encourage you because sometimes we look at the end of someone's story, not knowing the beginning, and think it was just a smooth, easy path. And it wasn't. And there's so much more I'm going to share with you in the podcast about how we navigated that. Matter of fact, I think I have one already that I'm going to link in the show notes as well, about that newlywed season oh my gosh, because people think it's all passionate sex and yeah, well, it's some of that. Get all you can and can't all you get, hallelujah. But there's also other things that you have to navigate and different things and how much changed and how people change towards me, and it was just. There's a lot to talk about. So we're going to talk about that in subsequent episodes.

Speaker 1: 30:50

But I am saying this again to encourage those of you who think that your story is too much for you to be married and be in a covenant relationship with your happily ever after, and it's not.

Speaker 1: 31:03

I am here for those of you who are single moms, who are too this too old, too tall, too fat, too deep, too whatever.

Speaker 1: 31:12

You think that if a man knew this about you, that you would be disqualified from marriage, and nothing could be further from the truth.

Speaker 1: 31:20

So I am here as a representative to say it happened for me and it can happen for you, and I want to help you with that. I can cut your learning curve and you will be hearing some more from the brides that I have had the opportunity to work with and I absolutely love their spouses. You'll be hearing more from them in this season, but you can go back and listen to their stories. I do have interviews with them right before their weddings, so we're going to get some recaps from them and catch up on their newlywed life. One of them has been married about six months now and the other one is coming up on their first anniversary. So I can't wait to talk to them and in the meantime and in between time, I'm going to encourage you to check out some of the ways that you can work with me and again I will leave that link in the show notes Until next time. Be wonderfully blessed.