Business Blasphemy
Sarah Khan, Chief Ease Officer, is calling B.S. on the hustle-focused status quo of online entrepreneurship and getting real about what it takes to grow a business that doesn't become a statistic. In each episode, Sarah helps navigate the rampant B.S. that permeates business strategy, marketing, operations, and mindset that has business owners hustling and pivoting themselves into burnout. She cuts through the noise and gives you guidance on how to view the status quo with a more discerning eye. If you're ready for success without the B.S., buckle up for hard truths, fun rants, terrible puns and (more than) the occasional curse word.
Business Blasphemy
EP90: Audacity, Authenticity & ‘What Would Chad Do?’ with Vivian Kaye
Ever wondered how an immigrant college dropout turns a personal necessity into a multi-million dollar brand? Vivian Kaye, the visionary behind KinkyCurlyYaki, shares her extraordinary journey and the mantra that fuels her entrepreneurial spirit, "What Would Chad Do." Join me as Vivian opens up about her experience with intellectual property challenges on TikTok and her unyielding resolve to stay authentic and innovative, even in a world full of imitators. Her story is not just about business success; it's a testament to resilience and creativity in the face of adversity.
Explore the origin story of KinkyCurlyYaki, a brand born out of Vivian's need to address unmet needs in the Black beauty space. She shines a light on how passion-driven entrepreneurship can yield remarkable success, particularly for marginalized communities. With candid insights, Vivian discusses the power of self-leadership and authenticity, and how focusing on these core values helped her navigate the pressures of growing a business while managing the demands of motherhood and personal growth.
Vivian shares her strategies for handling the online world, advocating for mental health breaks, and emphasizing the importance of legacy beyond mere financial wealth. Through her experiences, we acknowledge the shared struggles and triumphs of women in the "messy middle" of their careers. This episode is not just an exploration of business growth but a source of empowerment and motivation for those seeking authenticity and strength in their personal and professional lives.
Guest Bio:
Vivian Kaye is an immigrant, college dropout, and single mom who bootstrapped KinkyCurlyYaki, a premium textured hair extensions brand for Black women, into a multimillion-dollar empire. As a vibrant keynote speaker and media personality, she bridges the worlds of big and small business, combining Gary Vee's hustle with Oprah's heart.
Featured on CityTV’s Cityline as an Entrepreneur & Empowerment Expert, and in documentaries on CBC and Discovery+, Vivian’s real-talk approach empowers audiences to take bold action. Her journey as a Black female entrepreneur has been showcased in publications like The New York Times, Toronto Star, and The Globe & Mail. Vivian has also partnered with national and global brands such as Shopify, Amazon, LG, Samsung, American Express Canada, Shoppers Drug Mart, and Porsche Canada.
With Vivian, audiences learn how to turn their big dreams into even bigger realities.
Connect with Vivian:
@itsviviankaye on all platforms
Connect with Sarah:
- Tired of being the "best kept secret"? Download the FREE Thought Leader's Playbook for 5 essential steps to to ignite your influence and get noticed! Get Your Playbook HERE
- Follow Sarah on Instagram (instagram.com/corporate.rehab)
- Learn how to work with her HERE (getcorporaterehab.com/services)
The Business Blasphemy Podcast is sponsored by Corporate Rehab® Strategic Consulting.
Welcome to the Business Blasphemy Podcast, where we question the sacred truths of the online business space and the reverence with which they're held. I'm your host, sarah Khan speaker, strategic consultant and BS busting badass. Join me each week as we challenge the norms, trends and overall bullshit status quo of entrepreneurship to uncover what it really takes to build the business that you want to build in a way that honors you, your life and your vision for what's possible, and maybe piss off a few gurus along the way. So if you're ready to commit business blasphemy, let's do it. Hello, hello blasphemers, welcome back.
Speaker 1:I have to be honest, I'm fangirling a little bit because I have on the show today Vivian Kay. Vivian is someone I have watched on national media for quite a while, and I started following her on social media a little while ago as well, and when I asked Vivian to be on the show and she said yes, my flabbers were actually gasted. So before we dive in one of the things, I want to introduce her formally to you, because if you've been listening to the show for any length of time, you will know that we do not diminish the accomplishments of the women on this show, because the world wants us to soundbite them and shrink them and make them short. We don't do that shit here.
Speaker 1:Vivian Kay is an immigrant college dropout and single mom who bootstrapped Kinky Curly Yaki, a premium textured hair extensions brand for Black women, into a multi-million dollar freaking empire. As a vibrant keynote speaker and media personality, she bridges the worlds of big and small business, combining Gary V's hustle with Oprah's heart. Featured on City TV's City Line as an entrepreneur and empowerment expert and in documentaries on CBC and Discovery+, vivian's real-talk approach empowers audiences to take bold action. Her journey as a Black female entrepreneur has been showcased in publications like the New York Times, toronto Star and the Globe and Mail. Vivian has also partnered with national and global brands such as Shopify, amazon, lg, samsung, american Express, canada Shoppers, drug Mart and Porsche Canada or, if you are like my husband, porsche, it's actually pronounced Porsche, porsche, he's.
Speaker 2:European, so I get it all the time.
Speaker 1:It's not soccer it's football With Vivian audiences, learn how to turn their big dreams into even bigger realities. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you, so glad to be here. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:All right. So we're going to dive right in, because I remember when I watched you I mean, I watched you on TV for ages and it makes us sound like we're super old, we're not. The first time I was exposed to you on social media was actually, there was a woman who had, like, copied your entire what would chad do thing. Do you remember?
Speaker 1:I mean I'm sure yeah, all right, yeah yeah, so before we get into anything else, um, because this is your ip, I want to know, I'm so curious to know, how does someone who is in the public eye deal with this type of violation like, especially as a woman? What was that like for you?
Speaker 2:well, what it was was I found my whole I want to say mantra. We'll call it a mantra what would Chad do on someone on TikTok? And at the time I was not on TikTok, I was just, I just wanted to not have to be on another app. But what she did was she took something like I have a whole what would Chad do? Presentation. So she took that presentation and posted it on TikTok. She probably went and searched me, didn't find me on TikTok and thought, ah, this is my opportunity to share this philosophy.
Speaker 2:And of course, I don't know how it happened, but it came across my screen and, of course, I had to react to it the way Vivian would react to things. Now, how other people. And you know, I even went through this, even with my e-commerce business. So I, you know, have hair extension business and at the time I started in 2012. So at the time there weren't companies that were like mine. So I tended to have whatever.
Speaker 2:I tended to have a lot of copycats, right, and so, um, of course it's frustrating, but what I can say is you can take my like, you can take the thing like, you can take the mantra, you can take the philosophy, but you're not going to do it like me. You don't have. You're not me. You don't have my secret sauce that you know my seasoning that I put on things.
Speaker 2:So, unfortunately, when you're doing great things, there will be copycats Like that's just the. That's just the way the world works. But what you need to do is always continue to innovate and continue to do big things and just honestly ignore them, because it's going to happen. You know, you see it a lot on TikTok, especially where people are just ripping off people's whole personalities and cashing in on it. But you know what? At the end of the day, it's not sustainable for them. They cannot sustain being fake. They cannot sustain not having their own ideas because they're always having to look to you for those ideas, right? So I'm not and I'm not one of those people that's going to say oh, you know what? I'm going to take it as a compliment. No, don't take it as compliment. But just know that no one can duplicate you. There's only one. You. You're one in a million. They can try all they want to copy you, but no one is ever going to do it like you.
Speaker 1:I love that, and that's something to aspire to because, quite frankly, I'm petty as fuck.
Speaker 2:So be angry, right, you got to get petty, you got to get creative, right, like. So what I did with that person who copied my whole thing is I stitched the video. It was a side by side. I have my what would Chad do shirt, I have my mug, like I was doing the whole thing where it was like what is this lady talking about? Like that's not, like I am the lady who should be saying that, and even her mannerisms were my mannerisms, because when I went looking through her page you could see this was not her material. Yeah, so well then, you know. So then I had to launch. So then I had to, like, go full, full ass with it, with my full ass, and just go, you know, go for broke with it, but yeah no, and you're right, there has been, especially lately.
Speaker 1:I have seen more and more people just like, not even trying to be original. There's been such a because there was, you know, the whole curated thing on social media with the perfect everything, and then there was this push towards authenticity and being real, but that was somewhat curated as well, and now people are just like. You know I'm just going to copy whoever seems to be trending at the moment, and it's just, it's shocking, but it's also not shocking, no it's.
Speaker 2:It's honestly, it's what the landscape looks like nowadays, right, like all the rage, bait and engagement farming, and like it's just, honestly, it's tiring but I get it because that's what the algorithm serves. Like the algorithm rewards that sort of content, right, but it's like, honestly, sometimes I'm just done arguing with the, with the AI and the algorithms. It's like you're going to get what I got, whether you like it or not. I could care less.
Speaker 1:Which is why I love your commentary Like if you're not, okay, we're going to share the links, but if you're not following Vivian on social media, like, please do yourself a favor, because it's like the best part of my day every day.
Speaker 2:I am an absolute pleasure. You are Absolute delight. It's wonderful. Tell me about what would Chad do? Because, well, I mean, tell me about it. But how did it know I've got all these? You know I've got this. What do they call it? What do the fancy people call it? You know, when you've got the, you're not multi-dimensional, but the other word, the, multi-passionate.
Speaker 1:No, not multi-passionate.
Speaker 2:No, you know, when you've got a bunch of different things against you, there's a word for it. I'm sure I'll think of it after this interview. But you know, I've got a lot of cards stacked against me. And so then you know, I would watch these mediocre people doing all these big, great, fantastic things and I'm like, well, why can't I do those things? There's no reason why I can't do those things systemic barriers and the societal pressures and you know all that sort of thing. But like I start, I wanted to give myself something that I could stick in my bra, that I could pull out and be like use this in case of this emergency, right. So then I was like, well, you know, people were saying, oh well, you know, I would hear the saying you, uh, you know, you have to have the confidence of a mediocre white guy, and I'm like a mediocre white guy named Chad. And so to me it was like, well, what would Chad do? What would Chad do in my instance? So what would Chad do is about embracing audacity, dismissing self-doubt and pushing boundaries right, and it's not a specific person. So let me be clear Chad is not a specific person. It's not meant to diminish anyone's accomplishments or to dis-men. That's not the point of that. What it is, or what would Chad do, is it's an energy, it's a mood, it's a mindset that helps to push you to take on the challenges, even when you're not 100% ready. Because you know why.
Speaker 2:There's a bunch of mediocre people out there doing all sorts of things confidently, and they have no idea what they're doing. We've seen them in positions of power. We've seen them on the job. We've seen them every week. They're everywhere. They have the confidence to mediocrely do things. Meanwhile, you've got the expertise, you've got the experience. You know what you're doing. You think oh well, I've only got four out of the five qualifications, girl, you can figure out the fifth. These people with zero qualifications think you know what, I'm seeing this thing and I think I could do it, and they go for it. They do it mediocrely or they do it poorly or they even fail, but you know what? They get back up and they do it again. So whenever I need to give myself a dose of audacity, I think to myself what would Chad do? What would a mediocre white guy in my position do? And do it, except I'm not going to be an asshole about it, or a Karen.
Speaker 1:And it's on my list of things to do to get one of those mugs, because, yeah, you know, I think we can all use that daily reminder. Right, yeah, that was right there, right here.
Speaker 2:Look at that cards, if you're. If you're watching this on the on the on the youtubes, later you will see what would you have. The youtubes, hey, youtubes. See, there's the card so.
Speaker 1:So tell me about your um what I lovingly call the villain origin story, like how did you come to entrepreneurship?
Speaker 2:came to entrepreneurship, I always like to tell the story of it's in my blood, it's in my DNA my mother, in order to support us while we were in Ghana. I was that baby that she carried on the back of on her back, and she carried goods on her head. So it's always been in my DNA. Except it wasn't a luxury, it was a necessity. And, as we know, you know, in a lot of as they call it, quote unquote third world countries, being an entrepreneur is something you have to do. So, to me, I never saw being an entrepreneur as something that I could do. It was something that I had to do because I couldn't do, I couldn't get a job or whatever. The case may be right, or at least it was more or less taking control of my destiny. So that's my lens of entrepreneurship. You know, fortunately, I'm privileged to live in a country that allows me to venture into entrepreneurship without harming, you know, without losing my shirt, right, and so it wasn't a smooth journey, but it was a necessary journey, in my opinion, because I never quite fit into that square, like into that box, right? I always said you know, I don't want to fit into a box, I'm a parallelogram, I don't know what a parallelogram is, but I know it's not a box, right? So I was never part of the status quo being a Black woman, being an immigrant, being a woman like you know, all the things.
Speaker 2:And so, for me, I always thought of, especially in North America, entrepreneurship was for the rich white people, right? Or for immigrants who really didn't have a choice. And so we were technically or basically creating businesses that served ourselves, because society wasn't building businesses to serve our needs, right. And so, for me, I just started to, I just wanted, I just had problems that I wanted to solve. In every business that I've started, there was a problem that I wanted to solve for myself, and I noticed that there was a gap in the market. I found the solution and thought, okay, well, let me just see. Let me just see what happens. I've never been one to shy away from failure because I would rather have tried than to not have tried at all, like I would rather be one of those people on the couch that had been like man, well, at least I did it, instead of those people who were sitting on the couch that are just criticizing but they've never done anything Right. How are you going to criticize me when you can't even get into the club?
Speaker 1:You've never been like you know what.
Speaker 2:I mean so for me, you know, I don't even remember what your original question was, but it had to do with the villain story.
Speaker 1:So how did I come into entrepreneurship?
Speaker 2:So, basically, it was always because I had a problem and I needed a solution for it. And then, once I found the solution, I thought, ah, I used my natural talents in order to facilitate creating a business. But it's not like I ever, it's not like every single time I set out to start a business. I just set out to find my own solution. So that's my origin story.
Speaker 1:That's really interesting because a lot of, a lot of the rhetoric, especially in the online business space, because when I came to entrepreneurship from corporate, from academia, it was it was necessity, but I came into the online business space.
Speaker 1:So the coaches and the consulting and the blah blah blah and so much of that is externally focused, like find their problem and fix it and it. I love what you're saying because for me it's always been internal Like, what problem do I see that I would need fixed? Do you think that that's a perspective difference because of like? Is there a? I'm just going to say it Do you think that's more likely for people who are in marginalized communities versus not Like they see things, like we see the problems that we have and we seek to solve them or fill those gaps versus we're going to go out there and exploit somebody else's problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that's, that's exactly it, because even in yeah, I absolutely think that's the case because they're not going to create businesses for us, and actually that's not even true because they do, because I see it a lot in the beauty and the black beauty space, where a lot and that's part of the reason why I started my business because a lot of the businesses that were that were marketing to black women weren't owned by black women, because they saw the gap in the market but they didn't see. They didn't see people that looked like like I. Didn't see people that looked like me in this sort of business. So I made it a point to show my face and be like no, I know what it's like to have a failed twist out. I know what it's like to have a protective style that's not working. So let me help you, because I am you.
Speaker 2:I get high on my own supply, I am the customer, and that's where authenticity comes in right. And I see a lot of people who get into business because it makes money and you know what. There's nothing wrong with that. But then, on the other hand, there's people who get into business because they wanted to solve a problem or they have a passion for something and I think a lot of us get into businesses because we don't see ourselves in the space or we don't see our, our problems being solved in the space.
Speaker 1:So, leading from that, the business that you started, kinky Curly Yaki it would be considered a niche market and I don't want to ask the question of, like, what challenges did you have to overcome to, because it's it's cliche and it's it's not really what I want to know. I would love to know what were like, what was that internal self leadership journey like of having to create a business in sort of a niche market, knowing that there are obvious external challenges and pressures? Like what did you have to tell yourself every day to see it to a multimillion dollar empire?
Speaker 2:That's a really good question. Well, I'll say I'll tell this story. I started the business because I was 35 years old and I remember I had a I threw myself a big birthday bash I called it Vivian's fancy doo-doo birthday party and as I was blowing out the candles on the cake, I said a little prayer and I said, god, I want to like, I want to let go and let you do your thing. And now you may not believe in God, you believe in the universe or whatever, whatever higher power, right? So I said a little prayer to that higher power and I literally just let go, I just let go and I just let the chips fall where they may, as you, as they say, right. And so then that was so my birthday's at the end of November, two weeks later, I started Kinky Curly, yaki, yeah, you know. And then later on, in 20 and in 2013, I got pregnant and then in 2014, I gave birth. So I had started this business and the business was doing well, but then I suddenly had someone else to be responsible for and that really pushed me. And it's funny because I also tell this story where, in 2016, I hit my first million dollars of revenue, but I didn't actually realize it until I was part of this e-commerce forum and you could get these little flags on your username indicating what level of revenue you were at for your business, and I was like, oh, I want one of these little flags. Let me go figure out what level of revenue I was.
Speaker 2:Now I was so busy minding my business and my baby I wasn't really paying attention to those things, cause, again, I didn't start the business to make money. I started to solve my own problem and then I shared the solution with other people who I knew had the problem, and then it snowballed into the multimillion dollar business. But anyways, I went to go check my my year to date and I'd hit a million dollars in revenue, like and this was in US dollars, just like, I want to say, like three weeks before I checked and I was flabbergasted. My gastric was flabberg, right and so, but the but I was so overwhelmed with what I was doing and just trying to keep up and just run again minding my business and minding my baby, I wasn't even paying attention to that thing, like to the money I was making. All I knew is I had to do what I needed to do in order to keep us clothed and fed.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And so then, my how I got there isn't typical, it's not. You know, I can't pinpoint and be like, oh, here's the blueprint of how I did it, but all I know is that I did it.
Speaker 1:It's almost like just keeping your head down and minding your business is the way to go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is, because if you're busy I always liken it to you know. You plug in your destination and sometimes you just know. You don't know the exact address, but you know the general area of where you want to be, right, and so you get into your car and you just head in that direction. Yes, there's cars on either left, you know, on either side of you doing this, that and that. Yeah, you got to keep them in your peripheral and pay attention to what's happening, but you got to be focused on your destination, right. And so I think what happens with a lot of people is that they start looking to see what other people are doing and minding their business and why aren't they using their signal Girl, focus on where your destination, focus on where you got to go, because, at the end of the day, who are you doing this for? Are you doing this for you, or are you doing this for the other people who aren't even going to your destination, don't even know where you're going?
Speaker 1:That's so true, yeah. So what would you say then? Do you think that that is one of the biggest mistakes women make? Because I don't want to say when starting a business, because it's easy enough to start a business. Anybody with a laptop and a flippant glass of champagne, apparently, can start a business by a pool. But do you think that's the bigger problem when it comes to growing and scaling the business, or do you think it's something else, particularly for women?
Speaker 2:I think a lot of people don't know. I think what I see a lot happening with a lot of especially women-owned businesses is they don't know why they're doing it. They just think, oh well, it's either, oh well, everyone else is doing it, so I got to do something too, or two, they don't have enough faith in themselves. I think a lot of women underestimate what they know. It's like girl, if you really put it to paper, you know what you're doing, you're just scared to fail. But again, what would a mediocre white guy in your position do? What would a mediocre guy in your position do? I'm pretty sure you have several of these people in your life. Just look at them, watch them, because I bet you, nine times out of ten they would be doing the thing. So then we're too afraid to take risks, and that's, you know. It's also a societal thing where they allow boys to take risks, but girls, no, no, no. Girls, you got to be careful, you got to not get pregnant, you got it. It's always the girls, girls, girls. You got to be careful, but the boys, they're. You know, they're running roughshod everywhere. So I think we're too careful and then we also don't know why we're doing it.
Speaker 2:So once you figure out why you're doing it right, and you just I'm not saying, you know, mortgage your house and go broke trying to do your business. No, but take some risks. You know, maybe you do the red instead of the pale pink, I don't know but you just do things that take you outside your comfort zone. Because guess what? That's where all the learnings are. People say oh, viv, you're so resilient, you're so strong. The only reason why I'm resilient and strong is because I've failed a bunch of times. Right, and if you want to be confident in the thing that you're doing, you've got to do things and you're going to fail at them. It's like going to the gym, like you build a confidence muscle, you build that resilience muscle, you build that strength muscle. The only way you can build those muscles is by failing, is by falling down, is by scraping, is by having egg on your face. That's the only way you're going to get it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I'm. I'm internally cheering Absolutely Because, as someone who has been like super risk averse, not even risk averse, risk aware I was a I did risk impacts and risks when I was in corporate, so it was like, Ooh, I have to, what is the probability of blah, blah, blah? And so, as an entrepreneur, I've always kind of played it safe. But when you don't play it safe I mean, or maybe when you expand your boundaries of what safe looks like and you that's.
Speaker 2:that's a better way to put it, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's when you start to see the changes happen and that's when you start to see things kind of exponentially grow Right. So you've built this business, you've had all of these incredible opportunities to collaborate and you've leveraged, you know, your personal brand, cause you've, you know, you've worked with like Porsche and you've worked with like all these. How, how did that come about? Was that like an intentional? You went out and actively sought collaborations. Did they come to you? What would you say was like the, the spicy secret sauce that people were attracted. I mean, I know what it is, but like what would you say is was the attractive piece that people were like.
Speaker 2:She's the one we need to partner with honestly at every single collab and I'm talking every single collaboration you've ever seen me do. They have reached out to me, and only because I feel it's because I put myself out there Right. And so you know people are like, oh well, how do you create, you know, content? And da, da, da, da, way back when. So you know, I'm one of those people who loves to turn lemonade into you know a gin and tonic somehow. But you know I take lemons and I make lemonade. So I started creating content, especially and I was doing it before.
Speaker 2:But I started this thing called Mind your Business with Vivian Kane. This was before the pandemic, and what it was was just me talking to other entrepreneurs. I was going live weekly and I was consistent, myself an expert. I made myself an expert in whatever it is that I was doing, and even then I was like, oh no, all I know is I ran a business successfully and I'm really personable, so let me just make it into a whole thing. And so then I became a thought leader in the entrepreneur space.
Speaker 2:So not only did I build this business, but here's all the things that I've learned and I'm going to break it down to you very simply. I'm going to tell you in real, everyday language, in accessible language, so that anyone can take my information and run with it right. And, interestingly enough, I learned that method of teaching from my mother. So when my mom came to Canada, she didn't go to school to learn English or anything. It was me that taught her English. I was reading all the letters, so I've always had a way of explaining things very simply. And same thing with my kid. I've got a 10-year-old and so now I always break everything down, like everyone's 10 years old, so that everyone, so it's accessible to everyone. Because I found when I was growing up, all these people who were on shmooze they made it seem like it was so it was so inaccessible I couldn't access it.
Speaker 2:Oh, you have to be college educated. Well, I'm here to show you that I dropped out of college. I'm an immigrant, I'm a single mother, I'm all the things. I have all the obstacles against me, but I managed to get to to do this big thing, so you could do it too. And here's how.
Speaker 2:And so to answer your question, which I don't remember oh, so, basically, putting myself out there and you know what, you're going to attract the people who are going to like you. So people like oh, you know, you know, how do you overcome your fear of not knowing? Girl, I'll figure it out. If I don't know, then I'm going to tell you I don't know, let me, let me get back to you. Or I don't know, I don't, I can't, you know, no comment. So so yeah, that's how I did it.
Speaker 2:So it's just by putting yourself out there. You speak, you know, even though you think you're speaking into the tumbleweeds, like no one's listening, there's always somebody listening. I'm always so surprised at the people who reach out to me because I'm like how the hell did you find me? And they'll say I saw you doing this, that, or someone told me this, that, like it's just the power of just. I always say don't underestimate the power of who you're speaking to. You may think you're speaking to one person, but that one person can change your life and you, they don't even. You wouldn't even know who they were.
Speaker 1:So just keep speaking, yeah, don't even that. You wouldn't even know who they were. That is. So just keep speaking, yeah. And and people are so afraid to do exactly that right to to speak, to just to just speak, to just be themselves. They feel like they have to be curated and yeah, they're right, they're gonna get canceled.
Speaker 2:And then, yeah, yeah and I mean and.
Speaker 1:But then there's the opposite side of that, of being intentionally controversial just for the hot takes and the blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:Now one of the things that I love about your brand of shenanigans on social media is minding other people's business. That's been like a new sort of recent-ish kind of thing, and it's fantastic because it's one of the most entertaining pieces of my day. You're so active in that and you're so, but you're you're honest about what you're seeing and like you have fun. But there's always a very strong underlying sense of like come on y'all. Like we need to do better.
Speaker 1:How, like, how I don't know this might sound ridiculous, but how easy is it for you to be that real and authentic? Cause you know you have fun. You're you're calling people out, not in a heart, in a harmful way, but you're you're taking a very strong stand about the nonsense that people are posting and you're commenting on it on a daily basis, like I know, cause you've posted, you know, screenshots of of terrible messages that people said like how do you deal with that? And and how? Cause because I'm a mom, I've got a 16, almost 16 year old and a six year old big gap, cause I don't know if your son is on social media yet.
Speaker 2:No no.
Speaker 1:But how, how do you manage that internally and, and, and you know, cause that cause my, my older daughter and I, I, we have a lot of conversations around social media and because she's on it as well, I guess the question I'm trying to ask is, like, how do you emotionally, mentally, deal with that? Because number one entrepreneurs, just in and of themselves, have a lot of mental health challenges just by nature of what we do. Add social media to that, add haters to that, um, and I actually I think I commented on one of your posts today about how haterade is so delicious, you know but like, how, how do you deal with that? How does that impact your ability to show up this way every day?
Speaker 2:um, so one I pick and choose what the business I want to mind, right? Um, there's sometimes where I've recorded whole things where I've minded people's business, and then when I watch it back and I'm like, am I actually adding value to this? Like, am I actually? So I always try to have a lessons learned undertone to everything, so I'm not going to just pick some random thing and be like, ah, those people suck. No, but let me tell you why they suck. They suck because ABC, b, c and 1, 2, 3.
Speaker 2:And here's how you can avoid this too. And so then I always want it to be a lesson learned as opposed to just being critical for the sake of being critical. I mean, there's some things where people just need to be like you're dumb. Okay, you're dumb, that was stupid, and here's why you're stupid, right. But I'm always going to tell you why you're stupid, right. And of course, there's not. There's people who don't appreciate that, or people who don't agree with me and listen, you can agree to disagree, but you got to be respectful, ok. So to me it's like people who come and just attack me for the sake of attacking me. Ok, well, you're just proving that you're also stupid, you know, and so I always look at it from a lens of how can I share lessons learned from here? What lessons can we, what wisdom can we pull out of these situations of the business that I'm minding?
Speaker 2:And then, when it comes to social media, and then also for social media, I'm not afraid to take a break. I will disappear for days on end and people will be like Viv, are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay. I have nothing to say, I have nothing to share. I'm not going to be here just to entertain you. I'm here mostly to entertain myself, right, and I'll share and I've shared my mental health challenges what I'm going through. I won't share exact details because I think that's none of your business, but you know, for in most part it's like listen, I'm just going through something, I'm just going to go and sit down quietly. So I'll be back when I'm mentally prepared or I have the capacity to deal with all this, because it can be a lot right, and so, yeah, I guess that answers the question. Like it's just, I know myself well enough to just take a break. Just take a break. Like no one's paying me to do all this. So why am I stressing myself out for it, right, let me focus on the things that are paying my mortgage, right, and so then I'll take the time to do that, and I think people need to remember that one we're human beings Other people who are creating this content or you're watching, they're human beings.
Speaker 2:They're not infallible. They're allowed to make mistakes not infallible, they're allowed to make mistakes. But then also, I think, especially if you've got a large audience, you've got a responsibility to your audience, I think to an extent. But then we also don't want audiences to have what's the word entitled that sense of entitlement to me in my life. No, you don't. You don't know me. You think you know me. I show only a small portion of my life online. I don't show everything, right? So you don't owe me. I don't owe you anything and you don't owe me anything, right? So so, yeah, just, I just want to. Yeah, I would. I keep that in mind.
Speaker 1:Is legacy important to you? Is that something that you want to leave?
Speaker 2:That's an interesting word that I've never thought of before Legacy. You know why I think it? Because a lot of people think well, society usually think of legacy. You think of white people, wealth, right, like generational wealth and that sort of thing. And honestly, I'm first generation, so I was born in Ghana and came here, so it's been more about doing and you know, I would think that every parent, if you're a parent, that you just want your children to do better than you did, right, and so I don't. I don't know if I've gotten to the legacy part, but I'm pretty sure maybe my son will maybe be more focused on like you know what you know what I don't know, I don't know, but no, I've never thought about it.
Speaker 1:For me, when I think of the word legacy, it means the impact I'm leaving behind whether it's on my children, my circle, my community.
Speaker 2:Well then, yeah, but so I don't. But I just don't think of it as legacy. Then I think of it as just you know what I'm teaching my son to be a kind human being and hope that he grows into a very kind, generous, gentle man, right, and so I would hope that that would be my legacy. I guess I didn't think of it that way. Thank you for sharing that. So, yes, thank you.
Speaker 1:I guess, in a roundabout way, I have been yeah, honestly, if my kids don't grow up to be assholes, that I've done Basically, basically, basically. So last question any any sort of parting advice for women out there who are not starting a business, not scaling, but in that messy middle like I don't know what the heck I'm doing anymore? Why am I waking up every day and grinding this way, girl, I'm asking myself that same question.
Speaker 2:Can you give me advice? Honestly, I always say, especially if you're a woman and especially if you have children, one of the things that I've realized is you have to do it for you. You can't do it. I mean, yes, you can do it for your children, but at the end of the day, it's about you. If I'm happy, then my child is happy, but if I'm miserable, then my kid is going to be miserable. We're not talking about teenagers, because they don't really count, but in essence, they're miserable anyway.
Speaker 2:Just not talking about teenagers, because they don't really count, but, in essence, just by sake of existing, yeah Right, but in in general, by principle, if I'm happy, my child will be happy. So, therefore, I have to do the things that make me happy. Yes, there's some sacrifices I have to make in order to provide or to do this or to do that, but at the end of the day, when I, when my head hits the pillow, am I happy? And, um, you know, I'm actually in this state right now where I'm just surviving as opposed to thriving, so my goal is to eventually start thriving again. Um, and what I got to do to do that? I, you know, I got to find a uh, you know, a rich millionaire that's on his last legs, you know, yeah.
Speaker 2:So that's a rich millionaire that's on his last legs, you know, yeah, so that's, that's that's but um, but basically, if, at the end of the day, you got to make sure that you're happy and what that looks like to you, should, what it looks like to you. My version of happy may not be your version of happy, but you need to seek that out and figure out what it looks like for you.
Speaker 1:I love that. Vivian Kay, thank you so much for your time. This has been fantastic. Thank you, you're absolutely welcome and, as always, my friends, you can have success without the BS. I will talk to you next week. That's it for this week. Thanks for listening to the Business Blasphemy Podcast podcast. We'll be back next week with a new episode, but in the meantime, help a sister out by subscribing and, if you're feeling extra sassy, rating this podcast, and don't forget to share the podcast with others. Head over to businessblasphemypodcastcom to connect with us and learn more. Thanks for listening and remember you can have success without the bs.