t.h.e..Vibe
Finding Strength in Vulnerability and Self-Work
Have you ever stood at the crossroads of ambition and authenticity, wondering which path to take? Join me, Shalandra, and the luminous Arrie from the Growth and Grace Mindset podcast, as we navigate this intricate landscape together. Our exchange delves deep into the heart of self-improvement, as we uncover the transformative power of being true to oneself. Sharing our individual voyages, I reveal the evolution from inspirational speaker to beacon of self-discovery, while Arrie recounts her graceful pivot from the competitive dance world to a haven of spirituality and mindfulness. We're here to affirm that finding your authentic voice isn't just about speaking louder; it's about speaking your truth.
As we unravel the threads of personal growth, we confront the shadows cast by narcissistic relationships and the healing that follows in their wake. Through candid conversation, we bring to light the courage required to establish boundaries, especially in the delicate dance with family dynamics, and the profound impact of nurturing one's inner child. Reflect with us on the cathartic art of storytelling through poetry, as we champion the pursuit of joy and the relentless dedication to self-work. Embrace the essence of emotional intelligence with us, where authenticity isn't just a buzzword, but the foundation of deeper character and meaningful connections. Tune in as we provide you with the companionship of understanding and the inspiration to remain steadfast on your journey to personal fulfillment.
Have you ever stood at the crossroads of ambition and authenticity, wondering which path to take? Join me, Shalandra, and the luminous Arrie from the Growth and Grace Mindset podcast, as we navigate this intricate landscape together. Our exchange delves deep into the heart of self-improvement, as we uncover the transformative power of being true to oneself. Sharing our individual voyages, I reveal the evolution from inspirational speaker to beacon of self-discovery, while Arrie recounts her graceful pivot from the competitive dance world to a haven of spirituality and mindfulness. We're here to affirm that finding your authentic voice isn't just about speaking louder; it's about speaking your truth.
As we unravel the threads of personal growth, we confront the shadows cast by narcissistic relationships and the healing that follows in their wake. Through candid conversation, we bring to light the courage required to establish boundaries, especially in the delicate dance with family dynamics, and the profound impact of nurturing one's inner child. Reflect with us on the cathartic art of storytelling through poetry, as we champion the pursuit of joy and the relentless dedication to self-work. Embrace the essence of emotional intelligence with us, where authenticity isn't just a buzzword, but the foundation of deeper character and meaningful connections. Tune in as we provide you with the companionship of understanding and the inspiration to remain steadfast on your journey to personal fulfillment.
Welcome to the vibe teaching higher elevations and where we can authentically be ourselves and just be a whole, entire vibe. My name is Shalandra. I am your host. I like to be referred to as an inspirational speaker. My goal is to drop seeds and guide yours to grow, growing aspects of healing spirituality, mentally and within self, self and relationships and self within self. This podcast is simply about self improvement. If I grow, you grow. If you grow, I grow. So thanks for joining the journey to being your own inspiration.
Speaker 2:Hello, hello everybody, welcome to the vibe podcast. I know it's been a while, but you know we're here back with fresh topics to talk about self improvement and just how to have upper mobility within ourselves. So today I have a wonderful special guest that is in our community as well. She goes by airy and she is from the growth and grace mindset podcast. I'd like to welcome her. Hello, airy, how are you doing today? Hi, I'm doing great. How are you doing? I'm doing great. No complaints here, just taking everything a day at a time. You know, that's all that we can do is just be in the present moment, just just embrace. Whatever it is. I totally agree. Yeah, so tell me about yourself. Tell me, like what, what do you bring to the community? Why, you know why did you start? You know why is this a passion of yours, and things of that nature. So, whatever you want to talk about as far as yourself, just let us all know.
Speaker 3:Okay, thank you so much. Well, I started out in the competitive dance world, so I grew up dancing and I was performing a lot and I was experiencing a lot of like fun and we had beautiful costumes, beautiful entertainment going on. And then, as I got older, I was realizing should I do this for a profession, like, should I keep going for it or should I change to? Because I was also in school at that time and I was majoring in journalism. So I really I really like enjoyed writing and interviewing people and going into themes of spirituality and mindfulness living. So I was kind of like trying to figure out which road I wanted to pursue long term.
Speaker 3:And then, when I started to write articles, I started to be really passionate about like self love, self growth, healing, inner child, mindfulness. I was like you know what, for now I'm going to have to stop being professional dancer and, as I like followed my path of the passion of writing, that actually opened up even more opportunities for dance later on, which I was actually able to tutor kids, and now I do a lot of like virtual teaching for ballet and dance and modern, also some yoga. So it's like I think there's actually like nice lesson to. If you do have a passion, just like, go for it, you know, and later down the line, maybe all the things can align so you can do the things you've done before and the things that you started doing most recently.
Speaker 2:That's great. So that means you're good with your mind. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I guess so.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because when you dance, you have to memorize all those steps and then you have to be connected with your body in order to implement those steps and then put your own taste to it, and then for you to be able to teach other people. That means that you're able to see things from you know, deal with different mindsets and things like that. They also says you have patience.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, I think I'm forced to have patience because, like, if you want to perfect the steps and the choreography, you have to really do it over and over again, and it does really bring the sense of coordination and flexibility. So, yeah, totally.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. That's awesome. So I'll ask another question. You know, just with you. So what do you value most about yourself?
Speaker 3:Oh, I love that question, I think I think I value my authenticity and confidence and so it's like if sometimes I'm a little bit blunt or bold and people might be a little bit taken aback at first glance, but at least I'm intentional and everything that I put out or express or share it's there's no like hidden agenda and it's all very honest and I think that's really important to have that awareness within yourself and also it's like it helps you connect with people on a more authentic level as well.
Speaker 2:Right and I noticed that you stated one of your attributes is confidence, and I feel like with confidence how do I put this? Like with confidence. Confidence it pushes you and it motivates you to do so much, because that means that you're able to face certain fears so that you can just go for what you want. And I heard that you're very transparent. So that means that you know you value the transparency about yourself because maybe you're very transparent with yourself, because I feel like a lot of the times when we grow, we mirror I'm veering a little bit we mirror people that are attributes of ourselves.
Speaker 2:So some things that can trigger us are certain things that we are. You know that maybe the shadow is on. So for you to say that one of your values is that you know about yourself, is your transparency, that's really like really, really big, because it's a lot of. It's really hard to be transparent with yourself because of societal standards, because of our social condition growing up and all these stipulations and standards. So for you to be transparent with yourself, that means you have done the work. So because you've done the work, you're able to see it in others.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh, thank you so much. Yeah, I totally agree and, like with my transparency, I know that I can push people away right away because I've had so many experiences where they're like trying to make friends or trying to connect with people, like in the class or in school or something Like some people will gravitate towards like people who are fitting within the crowd. And of course you have to be polite and nice and kind. But at some point if you don't have your own like awareness of you, know, your value, like you said, your values, your beliefs, what do you stand for, it's going to be harder to fit into your own kind of like mentality and sense of identity. I think.
Speaker 2:Right and I totally agree and I feel like to piggyback off of what you said. You said that when you are very transparent, that it runs people away. But I think about it like this I feel like everything is perspective. I feel like the reason why they ran away is because and this is because you've already worked in yourself. So it'd be different if you know somebody didn't. Didn't it be like, okay, maybe there's something else? But usually I feel like when people run away from you know certain personality types or things like that. If it's transparency, I feel like they sometimes people can't handle that type of light because they're not, sometimes they're not honest with themselves. Sometimes they don't know how, and then sometimes you know like that keeps away energies that don't resonate with you, if that makes sense.
Speaker 3:Yes, and especially try being authentic with a narcissist. Like that's not gonna fly with them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, my God.
Speaker 2:I got like this yeah, they're a piece of. They are a piece of work. But, you know, I actually sit there and look at different personality types because I like to know, okay, so most people I feel like most people when they look at personality types we only look at what is up with them, like what makes them a masochist or what makes them like narcissistic and things like that, right, but, like, I also like to look at it as in like, okay, there's different types of people in the world. So, like, if there's different types of people in the world, no, we don't have to be around narcissists. No, I don't think that we should be around narcissists, but it's also enlightened to try to understand how they think, so that we could know how to maneuver with those types of personalities, because we might have a supervisor or a co-worker that is narcissistic, but if we don't know how to deal with those types of people, then it could be difficult.
Speaker 3:That is so true. And it's so true because, yes, you will totally meet a narcissist somewhere. Or even if you yourself develop those tendencies because I know I can have those tendencies sometimes I feel like we all go through cycles, we all have that shadow self, that kind of experiences, a few symptoms of narcissism, and that's totally normal. Like I think it's okay to build yourself up at some phases in your life, like especially if you went through some kind of trauma and you have to focus on yourself a little bit and be a little bit narcissistic. But yeah, it's also important to, like you said, if you're able to interact with those people, you'll develop this kind of sixth sense and you'll be able to see a mile away. Maybe not a mile, but if you see, like be able to see close up before going into a deep relationship or a deep friendship, those red flags will totally be apparent.
Speaker 2:Right, right, I agree, I agree, and you know what's really crazy, like if this is what we're talking about, like NARCs at this particular moment, because they are very like I feel like, just like you were saying, like you have to be aware and understand certain things. They are very smart. So, like some things, I feel like when we study or look at or pay attention to different personality types, there's always different shades. So I guess I'm a nerd.
Speaker 2:So what I like to do is I like to look at, okay, if this, just for an example, if this is a type of this, is one particular narcissist, right, or whatever the case is, they could have one face, it could be somebody else, that could be the same thing and it could be something else. So I like to look at the whole complete spectrum. Just like somebody that has anxiety, one person might have a coping mechanism that might work with them that's in the DSM, and then one person might not have that might not resonate with that same coping mechanism. So I don't know, like on a deeper level, I like to look at that type of stuff too. So you brought up a lot of valid points.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's really interesting.
Speaker 2:I know, right, it's weird. It's weird like he does it right, right, it's like.
Speaker 3:No, but yeah, it's true and I know there are so many different kinds like. There's like covert narcissism, then there's like over, so it's like a lot of people who are actually like covert so you wouldn't even think, because they're kind of a little bit more quiet or shy. It's like you wouldn't think they're like narcissists. But then, when it comes to like communicating or speaking, in those moments it's kind of like revealed slowly. So, yeah, it's really really interesting.
Speaker 2:Right and I feel like, if okay, we can never be 100% self-aware, and we can never be 100%.
Speaker 2:I know we're not perfect, right, right, I wish, but no, I'm kidding. But at the same token, it's like I feel like there are certain levels of ourselves that are able to like. Once you learn those different tactics and this is just with anything like you're able to pinpoint different things Like, for example, I use myself. For example, I had a narc parent. So because I had a narc parent, you know you love what is most comfortable to you. What so? That's why people you know gravitate to what feels comfortable for them. So what felt comfortable for me was always dated narc, that's like.
Speaker 3:so like oh right, right, yes.
Speaker 2:It was insane because not to make it so long but like when you have inner child issues or triggers and things like that, sometimes, when you don't know about inner childhood healing and all that kind of stuff like that, you just go off of the calcifications of the world. So, like what happens is at first you did. When I dealt with the first narcissist, it was like okay, like this is just a regular person. But then it was like bad. Then it was the second time, right, like it was horrible. Then the second time it was like it was like okay, you know, I healed, I worked on this, dah, dah, dah. It was a different type of narcissist. I'm like, oh my gosh, like what is going on? Like you know, because the first time I was questioning myself. The second time it's like okay, we're on this journey. The third time I was like okay, it was a different. The first time was an overt narcissist, right?
Speaker 2:The second time was a covert slash, overt narcissist, and then the last one was a covert narcissist. So it was like oh my God. But see, what I'm saying is that after I got to the third one, then I had to go back and heal things with my parent, meaning learning to set boundaries, because you don't learn about doing that when you're a kid. Their parent doesn't go to you and be like hey, you gotta set this boundary. No, like half of them don't even know.
Speaker 2:So like I had to. So when I got to the third narcissist I had to take a, pump the brakes and be like, look, why do I keep running into the same people? So I had to go into inner childhood healing and then deal with that, seal the deal with my parent, and then I started to attract different types of people.
Speaker 3:Wow, I love everything you shared because I kind of experienced something like that too and I did so much inner child healing work that I started getting clients for inner child. That's good and it got so like. It was so inspiring and it really inspired me. I actually wrote a whole poem book and it's called Long Distance Love. So if anybody wants to, they can email me, because for now it's just through my email.
Speaker 3:I'm like sending out e-books and because I went through this journey with a narcissist as well, like the first love, that's like that journey of like first love, heartbreak, and then you kind of go through an awakening because you feel like you're experiencing a magic of love.
Speaker 3:And then you have to kind of question like, is it love? And then when you're growing through that awareness, that slow kind of awareness of evolving, and then when you finally make the decision to break up, that it's like wait, something is like the, it's like physical addiction and then all these like withdrawal symptoms, and then I have a whole chapter on like separation. And then how do you find yourself? How do you find your way, like through all the challenges and growing up and evolving through those shifts, and then there's a next chapter. You have to choose yourself and you have to like choose what matters, like when you said values, like, exactly like, deciding what values and what kind of priorities your soul and your identity is trying to master in this timeline. And then I have a whole chapter about, like soulmates and telepathic and mystical, synchronistic, blissful moments.
Speaker 2:Oh wow, it's a whole thing, but that's awesome. That means you know a lot.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I know a lot and it's like the experience of finding yourself is. It's just really like going back to that authenticity. It's like you're never gonna regret being transparent in the long run, I think.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:That's good. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's really good. That's really good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, it's really. It's a really interesting process to like uncover, but it's, I think it really helps. It helps people go back to the inner child and it's like it takes, like it takes me back to childhood also and to remember what I actually find joy in and to be okay with wanting what I want. That also kind of like giving me permission to allow myself to state that and not feel like, is that okay? I think that okay. No, it is okay.
Speaker 2:Right? No, I totally understand. That's good. I got to check your book out. I'm gonna check your book out. It means you got a lot of knowledge. So if you wrote a book, okay and you read a lot of books.
Speaker 3:I'm writing the second one now.
Speaker 2:Right, see, and then and then, on top of that, you've been through it like, like, for instance, like when we give therapy, so like I understand the scientific side, because I take up psychology and sociology, but I also understand the other side, like the normal, like not normal, like the human side, so it's like, so it's like I understand from being I've been in the chair and I've been out the chair, like I've been on both sides of the chair. So it's different when you're, when you understand things from being in it as well as on the outside looking in. So that's why I say I think I should. I'm gonna check it out. That sounds like a really good book.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, yeah, that that is really interesting too, and like about the whole therapy thing Did you have experiences where, like, was therapy always the best way to heal your inner child's wounds? Do you think?
Speaker 2:I'm a little abnormal, so so like my, so me, for me, I'm a natural researcher. So when I did go to therapy, honestly when I went to therapy, it was more so in the sense it felt like a colleague, but I did like going to therapy because it gave me insight. So, yes, yes, yeah. So just like I didn't see things like I saw things from what I learned, what I have, whatever from my perspective, when I was able to go to a therapist, they were able to break down why I felt the way that I did and all that kind of stuff. But I had to actually do the work myself. Like I got it, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was hard because, especially if you're a step like I'm stubborn, I'm just gonna be honest, oh yeah. Yeah, like I am the type of person where it's like look, I don't know, I was raised military. So it was like okay, these are the facts, that's what it is. If somebody doesn't bring me the fact, you know, then it's like kind of like. So, basically, what I'm saying is that I had to get amongst that mountain and do things so that I could get different results, because you're not always going to see the facts when you're healing.
Speaker 3:You know that's such a good point, that's so true. Yes, Right.
Speaker 2:So it's like so I guess it was more so disciplined and I feel like if you really want change really bad you're going to do things to implement that. Like for me and my inner child healing journey. I went through a lot of inner childhood trauma. So, like what happened with me, my journey was that when I got older, my coping mechanisms weren't working anymore. So, because my coping mechanisms weren't working anymore, it started to manifest in other ways. So that's when I had to start going to several therapists and then I was taking psychology and then it just went like that.
Speaker 3:Wow, that's really interesting. Yeah, coping is huge.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is. It takes a lot of discipline. It takes a lot of discipline because I feel like it's hard to break patterns, especially the older you get. Depending on the personality type you have, it could be a little bit harder than most, you know, because just like yeah, like just like we ride a bike, we have to keep practicing.
Speaker 2:And sometimes, when we're older, you know, being a child, you're more easily influenced. That's when you suck up things. Or when you get older it's like, okay, well, I have to keep trying, keep trying, keep trying. And sometimes it could be frustrating because, you know, sometimes we think we know everything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, for sure, for sure. And then when you're little, everything starts to be easier, like when you're learning a new hobby or a new subject in school. It seems to be like you absorb everything so much easier. And then, when you grow up, you kind of have to like force your way through it in the beginning to kind of like reprogram your body and minds.
Speaker 2:Right, right and I love you're pretty cool. I have another question how do you feel? Do you think that it's hard to unconditionally like love yourself?
Speaker 3:Oh, a very interesting question. Unconditioning love yourself. I think it's really hard when you're going to a nervous breakdown.
Speaker 2:Well yeah, the emotions are all over the place. It's like meditating in a tornado.
Speaker 3:I know.
Speaker 2:Hurricane Katrina. Yeah, I think, I think, yeah, go ahead, no, no you go ahead, okay.
Speaker 3:Okay, I think it's like it's possible. If you've been giving yourself priority, that you kind of give yourself that mental health and physical health and you're kind of like consistent with that, then I think it's kind of normal to just give yourself unconditional love. It's depending on I guess everybody also has their different definition of what is unconditional love. It is that discipline, but sometimes it is that like more caring and nurturing side. So I think it's good to give yourself unconditional love, as long as it's not like coddling and it's like supporting your emotional healing journey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I totally agree. I understand and I think that unconditionally is. I think it's hard because we don't know how.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, because, like, if you really think about it, in our world a lot of how do I say this? A lot of things that are considered normal are toxicities. Yeah, and a lot of things that are not normal are not the toxicity, so it's easier to go with the grain than to go against the grain, but really you're going with the grain. I know that was like a twist. Oh yeah, wow.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So like we're being unconditionally, like loving yourself, Like we have been conditioned to be, where unconditional means you tolerate anything and you deal with the person accepting who they are, when in reality I feel like if you unconditionally love someone, then you put boundaries up, because if you don't put boundaries up, then you can't love at the best capacity, because then you're going to the beat of the drum of their energies. If that makes sense.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, that's for sure, that's such a good point. Yeah, so those boundaries, it's like, oh my gosh, those are needed for sure. But I feel like if you have that unconditional, consistent love for yourself, do those boundaries come up like a lot easier to others, yeah, or do you still have to like work on them.
Speaker 2:So for me, boundaries was really challenging because when you grow up because we were talking about my inner child when you grow up with a narcissistic parent, you tend to people please, because nothing is ever good enough. You know, wow, yeah, right. So if you're a kid or even a teenager growing up, if that starts in the house and you're never thinking that anything is good enough, that's the one person that you trust, the one person that's been raising you, et cetera, et cetera. So when you go out into the world, you're constantly proving your love for somebody.
Speaker 2:So for me, the boundaries was hard because I felt that in order for me to be worthy, I had to prove my love to people when in reality I needed to prove it to myself. So I guess, to kind of like, make it, you know, go Like. The boundaries for me now are easier because I do know my words. But the boundaries can get hard sometimes because you're constantly for me. I'm constantly growing. So there might be some things that didn't trick, that triggered me before. They don't trigger me, or there's some things that I tolerated, but I might come up against something that's different, that I haven't dealt with, and then I have to relearn how to put that certain boundaries.
Speaker 3:Wow, yeah, I love how you said like those the boundaries. Yes, it's like I also. I didn't have that extreme narcissism growing up, but I did have some teachers like ballet teachers and dance teachers and narcissists. So that's like that's also tough because it's a little bit different kind of mentality. It's not personal, but it is personal because it's like yeah to your, your talents, and if you want to succeed at this skill, it's like you have to kind of like turn off your emotions and turn off your feelings and just go go go.
Speaker 3:And it's also like you're you're pleasing a whole, like a whole system, a whole thing. So it's like putting putting boundaries is very, very challenging and it's like when you begin that first step to put boundaries, I feel like you're going to feel like you're rejecting your core self, and that's why it's so confusing, because it's like it might be the right thing. But then at that moment, like I know, I felt like I'm rejecting myself, right. So I was like, okay, I have to work through that and to to to understand that I'm not rejecting myself, I am. It's like it's part of this whole like shifting, like shifting your power. I feel.
Speaker 2:Right, right, no, that's good and that's, and that's a good point too. Like that you know that you had to deal with with teachers, because that's part of our, that's a part of our socialization. So it's school, it's school, government and home, and and and and neighborhood, like society, yes, yes, so yeah, that that does play a part, that that's a good point. Like you know how all these attributes can affect our mental and self development.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, for sure, and let's see I'll throw another question. I love your question, by the way they're so good, that's that's like I'm, I'm a deep, I'm, I'm too deep, I'm a deep person, so I like to understand, like if somebody brings like a play dough in front of me, I'm like what are the molecules that keep this together? How does that color stand, that clay like that? Sometimes it can get me in trouble because it's like slander is not that deep and I'd be like but I just you know like and it or it throws people off.
Speaker 2:It's like they're like oh well, why do you have to think like that? And I'm like why don't you think like that, like like you don't think about these things, but everybody's different.
Speaker 3:Everybody. Just let me be deep and deal with it.
Speaker 2:Right, like right.
Speaker 2:But somebody made somebody made a point to me the other day.
Speaker 2:They came to me it was somebody that's close to me and they said, and and most of the people that are in my life are very honest, they're not like like coddlers, but like that, really like brutally, like transparent.
Speaker 2:So like she made a point to me and you know, maybe it could help other people or whatever the case is, but like she said, when you talk to me, I don't talk about how deep you are, right, she just goes along with it. But when you talk to other people or certain other people, they complain about how deep you are. So she was like it's actually, and I went to therapy for this because I had struggled with this my entire life, and the therapist and the individual told me that being deep is actually a advantage and that the people that are complaining about the death are people that are not a part of my tribe and they don't understand certain things that I talk about or they don't think like that. So they have to when it's from a negative connotation, not more like trying to understand, but like they try to diminish the light so that we can be on the same equilibrium, so that they don't feel subconsciously inferior.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh. Okay, girl, you have just like gave an outline to some of my poems, like for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 3:Yes, this is so true because I also experienced this kind of stuff and this is very psychologically draining. It's like it's kind of like suppression and bullying. I really don't like that and it's like it's kind of like a form of gossiping and it's very toxic. Yeah, I know that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:And when you weren't healed or I don't want to say healed like when you're not aware, a lot of things can get dawned on. So like, say, you had a low influence environment, you know where. It was very calcified and maybe just really simple and surface. Then you get easily influenced by others' projections of how they feel about themselves. So what they do is they post, they project their standards and experiences onto you as what they feel it should be. So if you're easily influenced and you don't understand yourself, you can constantly start having that imposter syndrome to where you start beating to other drums.
Speaker 2:And what I've noticed this is deep too, I can't remember what I've noticed that the more you so like, a lot of people have imposter syndrome.
Speaker 2:Because I feel like, because they, everybody wants to be accepted in some type of like, like, subconsciously, whatever, everybody wants to feel included. So like from my particular journey oh my God, it just went out of my brain from my particular journey I had imposter syndrome. So the more that I had and I feel like this is for everybody the more that you don't be or embrace your true, authentic self, the more and more things are gonna fall out of alignment of your life because you're not aligned with who you are. So that makes sense. So if you have imposter syndrome, you're gonna gravitate people that is attracted to the imposter light. So that's like narcissists, that's like people that are toxic, that's like people that are not compatible with you, because everybody's not toxic and this could be friends or whatever. So, yeah, like I feel like if you don't really like you were saying earlier, like if you don't, really know yourself or you're not aligned with certain things within yourself, then certain experiences come.
Speaker 2:I feel like they come to push you in that alignment.
Speaker 3:I love that. That is such a good point. The imposter syndrome yeah, I know a lot of people go through that and I feel like it's at the core. It's like the inner child is kind of like striving towards being accepted and I feel like there's also a connection to a naiveness, like because the pure inner child is naive and innocent and as we grow up, that has taken for granted so much and it's like.
Speaker 3:I'm always thinking like, do I have to change this? Naive vibes for me Because you have to build those boundaries. And it's like do those boundaries, kind of like, take away your innocence? But it's like I don't think so. I don't think they have to take away your purity, your like identity. When you're able to establish those boundaries, I think you can still remain like, authentic and in your authenticity. You don't have to like change to people, please at all.
Speaker 2:Right, I agree and I feel like the more we people please, the more we stay stagnant to our growth.
Speaker 3:Yes, and like my entire fun is like I love going in the direction of creating like a little bit of chaos to people's belief systems If that means I can be more authentic to myself.
Speaker 2:No, no, well, well, it's good, I'm smart. I'm smart. That means you touch your environments to see whatever you're going through is actually coming into fruition.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I try to like challenge others and myself for the same time.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, oh no. So give me an example.
Speaker 3:Okay. So like if I'm out with somebody and I'm going to make like a statement that maybe goes against their beliefs or their cultural norms or something, but I want to say it because this is what I believe and it's not saying it on purpose to make somebody uncomfortable. But if we're having a conversation, I don't want to follow their narrative and their storyline, just to people, please. So I kind of have to like I've worked on balancing that, maybe not being too rude or too mean.
Speaker 2:No, no, it's okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I just I'm kind of like learning now to just accept like how I want to say things and be like it's okay if your beliefs are different and if your thoughts are different, like that's normal and that's okay.
Speaker 2:Right and that and that means you practice the emotional intelligence and emotional regulation, because if you're able to understand how you affect others and how they affect you and how you affect you, then you're able to maneuver in a way that works accordingly, for whatever the situation is. A lot of people don't have that trait. They just go off of what they see and that's it, like it just stops there.
Speaker 3:Yes, that is such a good point. Yes, the emotional it's like emotional intelligence, totally.
Speaker 2:I didn't even think about that or in regulation, because because, if you I think it falls hand to hand, like you said like because with the emotional regulation, that means that you're, you know, but that means your emotions are not running you. So if they're not running you and they're not running others, that means you're able to ground yourself to where you can be very present in the moment and understand what is happening in the situation. And that's what I try to tell a lot of people all the time. And it takes work. It takes, oh my gosh, it takes so much work to have emotional regulation, especially if you were like bonafide, crazy or throw like kind of off.
Speaker 2:If you're impulsive, like you know you just going to go, you know. But like when, when you like, really master your mind and really stay present in what is happening with your emotions, you really can stay grounded in a lot of chaotic situations.
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh, yes, did you see JLo's new documentary?
Speaker 2:No, but I'm going to check it out.
Speaker 3:I know I want to check it out. I didn't see it, but I saw some like commercials and they were talking about that she might have a love addiction and that she is like scared to be alone and how many years that it took her to admit this. You know it takes so long to be vulnerable and to be aware of all of your like personal issues, like we all have them. Obviously it's so interesting that everybody has it on different levels.
Speaker 2:Right, and you would think, because you know she's known to be very beautiful, I know.
Speaker 3:Like she's a performer, singer, actress, like she's amazing Right.
Speaker 2:She's been around since we was kids Like, but like, but yeah, like. Yeah, that is interesting and it's like, if you think about it, like a lot of people have a lot of struggles in their stories Sometimes, like, sometimes their stories be worse than what they portray Like, for instance, when people go through really hard things in their life and then but on the outside they always wear a smile on their face, Like I guess it just means that they have a lot more gratitude because they've been through more. So I feel like some people that has had harder journeys than others tend to pick up a little bit more wisdom and they're forced to have emotional regulation and all that kind of stuff like that, because you know it's the change, that's the shift, that's the change. You know, yeah, that's beautiful, that's also very true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's hard, it's hard, it's very, but I will say this you know we have even though how do I say this? I'd be having, like my brain is like a word search, so like I put it together, it's like so much information, but like I also like I also like try to tell people that, or like I have discussions where it's like, okay, we are all human, you know. So this person might be the richest person on earth and this person might be the poorest person on earth, but, like they both have different struggles that we don't know about, Like I stated prior just a few seconds ago. But I also feel like once you get over that bridge and you're able to face your darknesses and things like that and find equilibrium within yourself, it's harder for people to take away your peace. It's harder for you to be influenced by other people because you understand how you operate and you know yourself.
Speaker 3:Oh, I love that so much. That's so beautiful and that has so much wisdom. I totally agree. That's beautiful, yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I don't know how. Let's see, so did you want to? I know this was like we didn't keep going.
Speaker 2:But I was like one more question and then we're going to wrap it up and then I want you to go ahead and tell people where they can find, give them your information. We got to get, like I think about it like this as much knowledge as you have, the more people you reach, the more people it can affect, even if it's a drop of wisdom. So when we wrap it up in the next few seconds, let me answer our question.
Speaker 2:I would like you know, go ahead and tell people where they can find you talk about your like, where your book is, your podcast and all that kind of good stuff, because she has a good podcast, guys. Okay, she has a good podcast, she has a lot of knowledge. Okay, check her out. So my last question is how do you find peace?
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, I love this. Save the best for last, I love it. So I think I would find peace in a few different ways. I think we all find peace through our personal channels of expression and I think my favorite way to express myself is through talking, which is on my podcast, the growth grace and vibratory podcast. Wherever you listen to podcasts, so I think, like when I'm speaking I this is kind of new when I was young, where I wasn't able to fully express myself, I was getting aggravated or I wasn't able to fully embody what I wanted to express based on what I'm feeling. So expressing myself gives me so much peace because it gives me that inner validation. And it's like express expressing myself through words as well, which, yes, my new poem book, it's called long distance love, and I post a little bit on, like snippets on my Twitter or X, which is on blue bliss coach, and then also I post on Instagram and YouTube at growth and grace mindset.
Speaker 3:And another way that I find peace is still through dance.
Speaker 3:So I grew up with dance and that kind of discipline.
Speaker 3:It's so like healing for the mind, body, soul. I feel like when you're moving, you have this music in the background, you have these steps you have to follow and in this kind of like world where there's silence once the teacher stops talking and you start dancing, it's like there's so much peace that where you allow yourself to bring yourself joy through your own movement. So I absolutely love that and that's also why I started doing virtual ballet classes and this is like for any age and any level, so it's like you don't even have to be professional, you can just come on in and join and we have different, different ages, different times, whatever's comfortable for people. They can also relax and this also actually helps to write with the nervous system and it also increases your physical confidence, because the goal is to just have joy and gratitude and grace for your body. And this is also how you you find a sense of peace by relearning not to judge yourself, just to appreciate your body, your minds and your soul for who you are.
Speaker 2:I think that's beautiful, thank you.
Speaker 3:We had a ton of talk. I had so much fun. Thank you so much for inviting me to Alandra.
Speaker 2:No problem, I'm more than welcome to come back. You know some people when some people when we do things, it has different chemistry.
Speaker 1:So you're a deep thinker, I totally agree.
Speaker 2:Yes, you're a deep thinker, I'm a good deep thinker, so that means when people hear it, they might get insight and perspectives and it might go somewhere else. So I think it's a pleasure.
Speaker 3:I love it. I guess I would. Yes, I would love to come back and you can come back to my podcast for short.
Speaker 2:Thank, you Well, everybody, it was such a pleasure, such a great interview. And, no matter what, always keep your peace, no matter what. Don't let nobody take your peace. It was too hard to gain and just in understanding that you have to trust your journey and loving yourself unconditionally is an ever going process. So don't give up and keep pushing Until next time. Love and light.