Riding the Rollercoaster of Adulthood: Arts, Self-Improvement, and Icelandic Horses

Hey, beautiful people and Happy 2024! We're Ryan and Tayler, your artsy companions on this wild podcasting journey, and guess what? We've been at this for a whole year! Celebrate our podcast-versary with us, where we share our triumphs and facepalms of the past year. From evolving our interview finesse to leveling up our life choices (hello, fitness and kale), we've been on an incredible ride. This episode is stuffed with our zany food fixations, the bizarre charm of fast-food joints, and those little life hacks we've picked up along the way. We even spill the beans on our self-improvement missions for the year ahead – trust us, you'll want in on these resolutions.

Let's get real for a minute, shall we? Adulthood's been like a rollercoaster in a blindfold, but we're learning to find our zen amidst the loop-de-loops. In this heart-to-heart, we chatter about transitioning from starry-eyed dreamers to grounded grown-ups, seeking out personal bliss in a topsy-turvy world. Hear us out on the art of cherishing the ebb and flow of life, snagging joy from the small things, and why buying that random trinket sometimes just hits the spot. We're all about the self-love and finding peace in the pandemonium – and we bet you'll resonate with our stories.

Creative juices flowing, we reminisce about coloring outside the lines and the thrill of the creative process. Ever wonder why dating advice from the internet feels like a round peg in a square hole? We tackle that, advocating for real talk and genuine vibes when it comes to the heart's affairs. Plus, we've got the scoop on the flicks that have rocked our world, the buzz on our upcoming artistic ventures, and why Icelandic horses writing emails is our new favorite thing. Join us for all this artsy goodness, and let's keep the inspiration rolling!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hello everybody, to the artsy dudes, this is our year end. New year special, yeah special. They're all special, aren't they? Ryan?

Speaker 2: 0:19

This one feels a tiny tiny bit more special.

Speaker 1: 0:22

Okay, yeah, so yeah, 2023 is done. It is now officially 2024, and one year ago yesterday we sat in your old house and we recorded the first of the new artsy dudes.

Speaker 2: 0:44

Oh yeah, so we did the top 100 singer countdown or something.

Speaker 1: 0:49

Yeah, yeah yeah, so it's been one year exactly since we've been doing this nonsense. How?

Speaker 2: 0:57

does that make?

Speaker 1: 0:57

you feel Good?

Speaker 2: 1:03

For lack of a better word. No, yeah, it's fun. Like I look forward to more and we've had, like I just think it's got more interesting, like we've had a lot better guests. This like well, I wouldn't say better, but like I think we're getting better with the guests.

Speaker 1: 1:22

Like, yeah, getting better questions, definitely for sure. I've definitely learned how to mediate a lot better. I remember some of the first episodes it was let people talk, and I guess that's what a podcast is. But from me, as a from an editing standpoint, it got oh so just, yeah, we get it. So I don't know, I think it's gotten better. Like you said, we've gotten much better guests on, or enthusiastic guests. The first one of this year will actually be the last one we recorded last year, which will be the D&D episode. I have big things planned for that, so it's taken me a bit longer to get it done.

Speaker 2: 2:16

Okay.

Speaker 1: 2:17

I think it'll be exciting. And yeah, so one year. How was your uh 2024? You were to sorry 2023,. If you were to say well, 2024 is actually pretty good right now.

Speaker 2: 2:35

Actually okay, in all honesty, it started off like really great and then, like probably around like late summer maybe went downhill a bit. That was mostly due to, yeah, at the beginning of the year, beginning of spring and summer, I got super fit, lost like 20 some pounds. Uh, yeah, legs were massive, uh wasn't smoking or drinking that much. And then kind of after stampede not even during stampede but after I just kind of like, oh, let's start drinking more, let's enjoy the summer a bit. I've been such a good boy and yeah, I kind of let myself go and uh, but yeah, I'm back on the wagon now. Uh, I think it was the same as last year. Like I get sometimes I get so fucked up a Christmas that I'm like ready to be done with it.

Speaker 1: 3:23

Yeah, no, I'm, I, I'm in the same boat. Actually, like this, all like all of December was just like so much booze and so much.

Speaker 2: 3:35

So you said you're like I've been hungover every day of this month and it's like I just, um, I can't do it anymore.

Speaker 1: 3:43

So, like, my new year's resolution is um, I'm going to do dry January. Um, but I mean I'm going, I think I'm going to attempt to do like, like, like dry January. I mean like not even water. No, I'm just kidding, I'm going to drink water, but I mean like, just not, like, not even booze. Like I'm going to give up, like, um, I'm going to go back to like no sugar. I'm going to start eating healthy again, um, daily workouts. I'm even going to give up Porn and sex for an entire month.

Speaker 2: 4:21

Well, I agree with the giving up porn, but, like the sex no do you really have to?

Speaker 1: 4:27

Well, I mean, I'm already on a roll.

Speaker 2: 4:29

Yeah, I might as well keep that going man, the sugar, though that's a big one, like I was actually thinking about myself, yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:37

It's actually it helps a lot and it it's not as hard. Me personally, I found it's not as hard as I thought it would be. Uh, initially it's um like, just don't, like, I don't put it in my coffee in the morning because I used to have, like, I drink a ton of coffee in the morning and I always get like double, doubles and shit like that yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:58

And it, it, it really fucking affects you and it's just like I just cut it out of my coffee. Um, if I need a sugar boost, I'll just drink a juice or something Like a horse juice or something like that, and it it actually helps. It's like the and it's easy. I find it easy to stay away from refined sugar, which is funny because, like, my pantries are always full of, like you know, chocolate and candy and fucking cookies and shit like that.

Speaker 1: 5:25

But it's like you know every now and then it's like I want a fucking gummy bear.

Speaker 2: 5:29

I want a sour batch, kid. No, I find it incredibly easy Like, um, yeah, I barely drink pop, but, like every few months, I'll just like crave a can of Coca Cola. I'm like you know, maybe every three months or something.

Speaker 1: 5:44

I'm that way with um citrusy drinks like like frescas.

Speaker 2: 5:50

I don't know what it is about.

Speaker 1: 5:51

A fresca, but it's like, of all the kind of pops, that's the one I'm going to go for.

Speaker 2: 5:57

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 5:58

It's just like it doesn't. It just feels like a dirty fucking juice. It's like it's not. Is it a? Yeah? It's a pop? I guess yeah, but it's sugar free.

Speaker 2: 6:13

Okay, fresca has this weird thing where I've just heard people make fun of it on, you know, in real life or in TV shows or wherever, and I'm like I've always kind of wondered like, well, what's the problem with fresco? Like I don't know. It's kind of like Arby's, like people just make fun of it and I'm like Arby's isn't bad either, wow, wow.

Speaker 1: 6:32

No, arby Arby's is just terrible, like, oh my God, I mean, if you're going to have a hamburger, have a fucking hamburger, don't have like a sloppy fucking roast beef sandwich. It just sounds so good, right.

Speaker 2: 6:48

Oh fuck yes.

Speaker 1: 6:50

Have a beef dip or something like that. You know civilized, but yeah, so I'm going to do it. I'm actually really looking forward to it Because, like, yeah, and last year was I don't know, for me it was. I mean it just I put together the real that I put on Instagram and TikTok and stuff. I think you saw it.

Speaker 2: 7:15

Oh yeah, those are just fun.

Speaker 1: 7:17

I can't believe the amount of shit I did last year in one fucking year, true, like, like. Looking back upon it, I'm like this was not in 2023. Like this was a year before and I'm like no like I thought in my mind it was two years worth of stuff, but it only happened in a fucking year.

Speaker 2: 7:37

It's funny to say that because when. I was looking at that reel. It kind of it did make me realize how much you actually did. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I'm like, oh wait, was that 2020? And I'm like, no, it wasn't yeah.

Speaker 1: 7:48

Yeah, no and it's yeah. So I was a bit taken back by the like just putting the reel together and there was so much more shit too that fucking happened that I couldn't put into the reel because it ran out of time and pictures and it's like seriously like we started officially doing the podcast. God finished film school. Both of the films I produced blew up Like I couldn't believe how they blew up, like within a year.

Speaker 2: 8:24

You're an award-winning producer now.

Speaker 1: 8:27

Yeah, like not even a year from graduating film school and I've already won an award as a producer, so I'm honestly quite humbled by it. But I mean like and I went to the Banff World Media Festival too, which I completely fucking forgot about until I put the reel together I'm like, oh yeah, that fucking happened too and it's like I remember looking back upon it, I remember saying it's like I'm doing too much, and I kept telling myself I'm doing too much, but I'm like I might as well do it if I have the energy and the time to do it. I might as well attempt to do it. And yeah, I mean unbelievable all the shit that I got done last year. And yeah, yeah, it was a good year. 2022 was a garbage fucking year for me.

Speaker 1: 9:27

It was very bad physically, mentally and then I told myself in 2023 that I'm gonna if I have the time and the energy to do it, I'm gonna fucking do it. And I did it, and I know my limits. Now. Which I think is something that I'm happy to have learned from 2023 is that I know what I'm capable of, I know what I can do, I know how to push myself and how not to push myself. Now and I don't think it worked out for the best, like I'm much happier physically, especially mentally. I'm in a much better place and I'm honestly really looking forward to this year. So what's one of the things that 2023 taught you?

Speaker 2: 10:21

Actually it really took the words out of my mouth there, cause I was thinking that recently that, yeah, just as far as like really getting fit there for a while and like really knowing that, like, oh, wow, when I really apply myself, I have an amazing amount of willpower. And you know, it's kind of funny until you really do it. And that's also another thing, like I kind of realized this year. I want to keep myself busy but also know when to not over exert myself. Like I like the idea of being busy and that's another thing. With not drinking as much, like I just notice it influences so many other bad decisions and it makes me really fucking lazy and I just I'm kind of sick of this past few four months like just waking up so many days hungover and just not wanting to do anything and I just I miss like those five months before where I was. It's amazing to wake up in the morning and be like, wow, I'm ready to seize the day. I'm not hungover at all.

Speaker 2: 11:33

Like it's a crazy feeling and, yeah, I just really want to keep myself busy. I made a list of things that I just want to. I have this stupid little list where you know, obviously you know, save money, don't smoke, don't drink as much, you know the regular shit and like I want to work on this.

Speaker 1: 11:50

Yeah, it's kind of like goes for a month, yeah, and then I have these like little tiny things that I'm such a geek about.

Speaker 2: 11:55

I don't even know why I should be learning this, but I'm like, oh well, let's learn how to play craps or background or go like like I don't know if I'll ever use that, but I'm like I just want to like I want to learn some things. So maybe I'll never use like I think even a few years ago I was like, hey, let's learn sign language for a bit. It's like I'm never going to fucking use that, but like I guess I kind of like the idea of keeping your mind busy, right?

Speaker 2: 12:19

Hey, even though I'm learning something I may never use, it kind of creates those, those neurons are connecting, like you're just challenging your mind in a way, like I kind of find that fascinating, like.

Speaker 1: 12:35

I totally get it. There's a one thing I just saw online actually today that I'm like you know what this might be an interesting adventure to take on. There's a learning course you can take online. That's a 52 week program to learn to learn Cree. Okay, and I'm like it's. It's mainly geared towards younger people and kids, but it's like, even if I pick up a little bit, I'm like why the fuck not? I mean, everybody else does those. What's that app thing that they all do?

Speaker 2: 13:10

Oh, yeah, do, or whatever it is, or yeah, there's a few of them.

Speaker 1: 13:13

Yeah, yeah, and everybody, everybody's learning a new, different language and I mean why not give it a whirl?

Speaker 2: 13:20

I mean I mean, it's better than sitting and watching TV. At least you're focusing and learning something, yeah Like, even if it's not going to be the most useful thing, like gets those neurons firing. Yeah, exactly, and that's.

Speaker 1: 13:34

That's one thing. Like this year, I'm I'm focusing on projects that need to get done. I'm spending all of January like, basically, I think I'm going to organize. Okay, here's the priorities of what need to get done. Here's the ones we need to build, you know, grant proposals for we need to get those going right away. Here's the ones that we can maybe put off to the side for a bit or get somebody else to do so. What else about the year 2023? That kind of stuck out to you. There's one thing that I want to mention, but I want to ask you first about what's the one thing that you notice that you know good or bad?

Speaker 2: 14:27

2020. Oh shit, oh good, bad, Like, as far as like just the world in general or my life, both why, not, oh geez, I hate to say it.

Speaker 2: 14:47

I just maybe I did get more stoic and cynical to a degree, like I found, especially like I've changed over the years as far as, like, in a political sense, I just I just feel totally center now, and I almost feel so centered to the degree that I know apathy isn't it, but I almost just I kind of feel a little apathetic these days, as far as it is like I just I realized I have to stop putting the weight of the world on my shoulders and I'm not going to be able to save anybody or do anything.

Speaker 1: 15:29

And.

Speaker 2: 15:29

I just I kind of stopped caring about the world in a way, but also not Like I care about individuals, but I just kind of got sick of feeling down about the world and, you know, just trying to protest on social media and like realize that it really does nothing. And no matter how many political conversations I have with people and no matter how much I put my opinion out there, it's not really doing a damn thing. And I guess that's what I mean. As far as apathy, like it's not really apathy, but it's just I've just accepted I can't save the world and I'm really just. You know, I got like 30, 40 years left. Man, I just need to focus on myself.

Speaker 2: 16:17

And when I was in my 20s and I really cared a lot, I would actually get so upset because I'm like oh, like there's so many bad things happening in the world and I wish I could change it and I can't and it would just really bring me the fuck down and now I just have to let it go and I guess, yeah, looking back on the whole 2023, I've just I've really learned to let a lot of that shit go and I do care, but I also really don't anymore.

Speaker 1: 16:48

No, I kind of understand what you're saying, and it's like I mean us as millennials, we, I think we're in a prime position to be almost experts in this at this point, because we've witnessed 40 years of the world doing exactly the same thing and expecting a different result and there's a definition for that yeah, which is insanity. So I mean, at this point, it's like, well, no, you're just going to keep doing the same thing, you're going to expect a different fucking result. So it's like, at this point, it's like why bother? Almost, kind of like check out.

Speaker 1: 17:34

And in a lot of ways I I, you know empathize with what you're saying, because I kind of feel the same too. It's like the moment I stopped, I stopped trying to make other people happy, was the moment I fucking became happy. And this was like, I think, late summer, when I realized this and I'm like you know what, fuck it. And you know what I always cared about what people thought of me. I always tried to be the nice guy and even though I tried to, like, I still came off as a dick to some people and I could never make them happy and it's like it was fucking exhausting. And so, yeah, I completely empathize with that. I don't care if I come off as a dick. I don't care if you fucking don't like me. I honestly don't care if you talk behind my back or whatever, because it doesn't really fucking affect me anymore. It's I'm going to live my life. I'm going to be fucking happy doing what I want to do. And you want to come along for the ride? Come along.

Speaker 2: 18:44

But no, I fully agree with that, and the one thing that keeps sticking out in my mind that I keep telling myself is I mean, I think we all forget how transient life is sometimes Like the thing that makes me not care about a lot of things is I'm 40 and I maybe have 40 years left. If I'm lucky, it's not a long fucking time and it'll go by just like that. So I really like it's crunch time now, like I have to make the most of it, and worrying about other shit that is beyond my control is probably not the best way to spend that. Yeah, no.

Speaker 1: 19:24

And I mean that's. The thing is like I'm happy with where I am right now. It's not great, like I'd love to fucking win the lottery. That would be fucking great, but I don't think I need to Even that.

Speaker 1: 19:42

I'm like it's not that important to me anymore. And it's just like you know, yeah, I gotta find a new job because fucking all the prices are going up again. So it's like you know, I'm getting used to the fact of having, you know, I have to work three jobs. So my priorities are, from this point, moving forward me. And if people have a hard time understanding that, then they can fuck off as far as I'm concerned, because it's like the world is not, in, you know, a good place and all of us are kind of in survival mode. Well, of course so, and we've always been like that because we're millennials. It's like we got to do what we can to survive and it's like now we're just realizing. It's like, well, if this is going to be the rest of our lives, you might as well fucking enjoy it.

Speaker 2: 20:36

Oh and yeah, that's something, and that's another thing I subscribe to as well as which I kind of find funny. You know, you know just people, yeah, I mean, I know our parents always say like, oh, you should be stable and save money, and I just see a lot of millennials on Save money.

Speaker 1: 20:54

you can't save money? No, you can't.

Speaker 2: 20:56

And a lot of millennials online are just like it is and it's such a, you know, just people even just buying stupid fan boys, shit because it makes them happy.

Speaker 1: 21:07

Like it's. You know we're fucking. Like I have a Darth Vader fucking thing. I have a guitar in my punch once every six months, like it makes me happy.

Speaker 2: 21:16

I mean it's kind of funny because, like I mean, I guess when you think about humans, since the beginning of time we always been in survival mode. It almost, it almost seems like maybe the only time there wasn't a really big survival mode is like when things were actually on the up and up, maybe from the 50s to the 80s, like well, yeah, that's the whole boomer generation.

Speaker 1: 21:40

Yeah, it seems like it's funny how that whole thing goes and like the reason why there was people could afford houses is because there was a social government program instituted by both America and Canada that basically copy pasted, built all these houses that were dirt cheap so that you know soldiers returning from home could have a cheap fucking house. And it's actually funny is reading in the online the liberal government wants to implement that again is to just basically build these, you know, inexpensive, affordable housing for everybody. And of course, the first thing the fucking conservatives say is that socialism. So what people need fucking houses, like you keep telling us to buy a house but you can't like. There was a study actually released. I'll try to find it and I'll put it in the link to this, but it was. What was it? Oh yeah, what? What the average middle like? What's that middle household income should be?

Speaker 1: 22:54

like for right now, including inflation and everything else, and I guarantee you you'll never know like figure out what you think it is.

Speaker 2: 23:06

Oh, what is the average? Or what should the average know? What? No, what is it?

Speaker 1: 23:11

for middle class in Canada. How much should you be making per year?

Speaker 2: 23:18

oh shit, I have no clue actually 120,000 Canadian is middle class.

Speaker 1: 23:24

Oh man, yeah. So, like I said, when the generations like they're, let them be out of touch, because the rest of us know this. And I mean I'm, I'm hopeful for the gen zedders because, like fuck, I look at them and I'm I get exhausted just watching them do all their fucking hustles of like you know six, seven fucking different jobs. And it's not like a job where you go like nine to five sort of thing, like they have those, yeah, but then they go home and then they have another thing that they do online and they have like five different things that they do.

Speaker 1: 24:04

It's always side hustles, always fucking side hustles because that's the only way you can fucking survive. And it's, I don't know, I, it's, I've, maybe it's the old guy and me, but it's like. I just rather have you know, a job that pays me well. Pays me well. Call me crazy, but so it is.

Speaker 2: 24:26

I mean I do admire that, like it does, like I just sometimes wish I had the self discipline, which is something I'll work on this year. But yeah, I. I mean that's why I've kind of drifted more towards nine to five jobs is because, oh, I'm here, I'm doing that, I'm done like sometimes I do lack the self discipline and follow through for a lot of things and yeah, it's really something I need to work on because I know I'm a creative individual like that's no problem, like.

Speaker 2: 24:58

But yeah, it's just the discipline part and but yeah, I do respect people who can actually do that.

Speaker 1: 25:07

Yeah, I would love to hustle more actually yeah, that's what I'm hoping, like I need to crack down on and, like I said, it's. It's difficult because, like all these grant proposals and all this writing and like all the producing stuff I have to do alone, which is takes a lot of fucking time, and, like I said, it's if I have bills to pay and rent to pay, it's I have to prioritize. So, like I said, I'm gonna I'm gonna try side hustling to figure something out.

Speaker 2: 25:39

I'm pretty sure I'll figure something out yeah, I've been like oh, maybe I should just like get super fit again and like start an only fans do it, man do it, why not, that's? What I should have done. I should have stuck with exercising through the summer instead of, like, getting off the wagon, would have had like maybe a six pack by now could have started an only fans like who knows why not, why not?

Speaker 1: 26:11

I mean worst case scenario you don't get anybody following you yeah, I mean but I mean, that's the thing it's like.

Speaker 1: 26:17

You have to, you have to try anything that. So, for me, 2023 the one thing that stuck out the most that I'm actually kind of happy about has to do with the film industry, not so much the strikes and stuff like that. Like that was important. I think we kind of took two steps back, in my opinion, with the strikes, but it's good that they did it. But the one thing that actually really really really makes me happy is 2023. I think officially saw the death of the superhero movie.

Speaker 1: 27:04

Oh, thank fuck actually single superhero movie that was released lost a ton of fucking money and that makes me really happy.

Speaker 2: 27:12

Sorry for all you people who like love these movies, but I'm not sure sorry for all you people who like love these movies, but they are getting fucking dull like yeah, and I mean especially the Marvel ones, like they're all cut and paste like storytelling. So it's like I checked out a.

Speaker 1: 27:30

Marvel a long time ago, but apparently some of the DC ones were okay. But I mean, like I heard, blue Beetle was okay. It wasn't, like you know, preachy and a lot of parts weren't really that like you couldn't predict them, like you could.

Speaker 1: 27:50

A Marvel film but I think that's the best reviews I heard was it was like it was okay, and so I mean that's the thing is like Warner Brothers with DC, like they're completely fucked right now financially. So we're not going to see, I don't think, very, very big superhero movies. We're probably going to see smaller indie ones, like I know, the second Joker, still in production. So I mean, but that would make them more interesting if they are more indie yeah, no, I mean, I'm actually really looking forward to it because they're going to have Harley Quinn in this and it's Lady.

Speaker 1: 28:36

Gaga actually actually it's going to be playing Harley Quinn, so your reaction you're not.

Speaker 2: 28:42

Yeah, sorry that I felt yeah, sorry it doesn't translate I just had a reaction of disgust a bit. I don't know. You know me like. You know me like being an artsy dude. Yeah, I just I don't know sometimes the whole sometimes that shit gets a little too mainstream. Like you know, I love my criterion films and you know I don't want to be one of those snobs, but I guess I kind of am like it.

Speaker 1: 29:14

Just I know sometimes I don't think you're a snob. If you like what you like, yeah. I mean I don't have to like what other people fucking like that.

Speaker 2: 29:22

I just I don't get why there's so many people that just don't give other things a chance, like it's always just these fucking superhero blockbusters, when there's so many great movies going on out there yeah, and like I understand the average person. You know it, people just don't want to try things sometimes.

Speaker 2: 29:42

Like the average person just wants to be like oh, I'm getting a superhero movie, and like it has a plot and an ending, and like you know a lot of people just don't want to try shit and I I guess I find that sad sometimes, but you know, I guess that's just the average person yeah and yeah, I can see that and it's well hopefully yeah, the super and is that something that you think isn't like, inherent to like certain people, or is that a trait that can be learned?

Speaker 1: 30:10

because, like I said, I've noticed that kind of too, but it's I don't know people who kind of like, try different things and step outside of the box and don't really care about you know rules and stuff like that. I don't know. Like, for me, I've always been like that. So it's like, well, no, not I. I used to be a a rule follower, but then I went back to like when I was a kid and I loved that, doing art and being creative, and I'm like, well, how can I do this again? And it's like, well, be a bit crazy, think outside of the box, like, try different things. And it's like I go to art galleries. I just go in there, walk around, look at the art, deconstruct it, and it's like that's me having a good Sunday, fucking afternoon.

Speaker 2: 31:04

I think it all comes down to curiosity. Like I just find a lot of people aren't curious. Like you know, I'd grow up with, oh, you see this artist in their very mainstream and I was like you'd see them in an interview talk about some obscure artist, oh well, who's that? Oh, like from that artist to that artist, and I always found it was just my curiosity, like, like, like, oh, what's that behind the veil? Oh, what's that over there? Like you know, I just find a lot of people are really curious and I mean you can see it everywhere online too. Like people, yeah like nobody's curious.

Speaker 2: 31:39

Everyone thinks they know something and it's like, well, let's think of what I don't know oh, fucking tiktok is the worst for that.

Speaker 1: 31:46

I mean like in the feed, all the fucking nonsense, bullshit people are giving you about fucking like advice, like dating advice. It's like I heard one the other day and it's like this is like the worst fucking advice I've ever fucking heard and, like I said, it's as a, as a dater, a guy who dates quite often it's all those rules are fucking wrong.

Speaker 1: 32:18

Like the one that pisses me off the most and I'd like to get other people's opinions on this like especially younger generation, but for me, the one that is like I found that never fucking works is that if she stops like, if she slows down on texting you or doesn't text you, it means she's not interested. For the record, for all the emotionally mature people out there who are nodding their heads and saying that's fucking bullshit, agree with them, because it's fucking bullshit. Texting is just simple fucking communication. That's all it's meant to do. It's like if you're reading into a text, you're overthinking the situation. Don't and that's like one thing we talked about it Christmas, do? It's like you need to communicate. Like if somebody likes you, they fucking like you, like it's it's okay, but that doesn't mean they might want a relationship with you. That doesn't mean that you know this is happening. Like you need to actually sit down with another human being and have a discussion, like a conversation about hi. Here's where my priorities are no, where are your priorities?

Speaker 1: 33:40

what do you want to do about it? How can we solve this problem? It's, it's dull, it's main day and it's like a fucking boardroom meeting, but you have to fucking do that, and that's the one biggest mistake that I fucking made was just I didn't communicate with people and I still fall into that trap, but it's.

Speaker 1: 33:58

It's a lot easier when you just say, hey, do you want to do this? Or hey, what's your opinion on this? Or hey, can we talk about this? And then if they go quiet or they go silent or whatever, then you know that, you know You're not dealing with somebody that's emotionally mature. And again I'm at the point in my life where I'm just I'm not, I'm not no time for that shit. So it's.

Speaker 2: 34:24

I mean, there's no right or wrong answers when it comes to that, it's just Like, as far as dating, they're like, yeah, some things work with certain people, some things don't. I guess.

Speaker 1: 34:36

And it's like oh, and that's a thing too. It's like on TikTok, it's all like here's the five things that women want. Yeah, yeah. It's like. It's such bullshit Like have you ever seen?

Speaker 2: 34:46

things like men want this and you're a man and you're like I don't want that?

Speaker 1: 34:49

Yeah, I definitely don't want that. Like, no, and it's like, and people just fall into the same routine of like Just, I think they think because it's easy. But yeah, the one thing that took me a long fucking time years of therapy and, fucking, like you said, experimentation, trial and error was to understand that it doesn't matter if you're male or female or man, woman, whatever, however you identify. Every single person on this fucking planet is unique and different.

Speaker 1: 35:22

True they approach things differently, and what you need to do is sit down and figure that person out, because if you're not willing to do that, then it's not going to go.

Speaker 2: 35:35

And I think there's never any plan of action too. I mean, anyone who is listening, who is in a good relationship, knows that it just happens spontaneously, like you didn't have to try, you didn't need a plan. It's just like oh hey, I met this person, we just clicked and that's all. It is Like there was, it's oh. That's when I think back to when I was dating people and you know you meet someone that you think you really like and you try to force a situation that isn't really there, and then you know in the back of your mind that you're forcing it.

Speaker 1: 36:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 36:09

But you still try to do that. But yeah, I think, yeah, everyone knows it's just, it just clicks.

Speaker 1: 36:17

Yeah, and that's the thing too. It's that I kept falling into that trap as well as trying to force something that maybe wasn't there, which was one of my biggest fucking problems. That and me trying to give that person that I was interested in the version of the person they wanted.

Speaker 2: 36:42

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 36:45

And I think a lot of people tend to do this, but it's like you are absolutely right when you, you just be yourself and if it clicks, it clicks. If it doesn't click, stop trying to change who you are to make them think that you're going to click. They're not. It's just as simple as that.

Speaker 2: 37:08

And sometimes, like I said, if you want a romantic relationship. They don't want a romantic relationship.

Speaker 1: 37:13

Fine, I mean, you need to stop talking to the person. Like there's another bullshit fucking thing too. It's like adult relationships don't fucking do that. Like I met so many great people over this past year and it's like I said, some of them I had romantic feelings for and didn't work out, and it's like, fine, I'm going to stop talking.

Speaker 2: 37:38

Yeah, it doesn't mean you need to avoid them, I mean they're great fucking people.

Speaker 1: 37:41

I still want them in my life. So I mean yeah, and again, this all comes from, like you know, being better mentally and taking time to figure out who you are, and it's a cliche and I don't really, you know, think it applies to a lot of situations. But you know that cliche of like you got to love yourself before somebody else can love you, and it is such bullshit.

Speaker 2: 38:14

It is bullshit, but it's like you're unworthy of love because you're a little damaged almost.

Speaker 1: 38:22

Oh yeah, yeah, I believe that fucking for years and years and years.

Speaker 1: 38:27

I really believe that, because it's like well I could, I'll never find anybody that can, you know, love me or be with me because of all my fucking, you know, childhood trauma and the fucking emotional shit that I've gone through most of my life, and it's like and I honestly, honestly believe that dude it's like, well, I will never be able to find somebody because there's no way that I can love myself and and I'm willing to admit right now it's like I don't love myself.

Speaker 1: 39:00

I still feel that, but I mean that's the thing is like there's a difference between forcing yourself to love yourself and love loneliness, and they're an understanding that and accepting that this is just who I am. Like I said the moment I accepted, like this is just me, If people don't like it, then they don't fucking like it. It was a huge fucking relief, because then again, like it goes back to, the whole thing Like then I don't have to put so much effort into changing who I am to make them appreciate me or like me, and it's fucking game changer man.

Speaker 2: 39:44

It wasn't me anyways. So no I mean everything comes in waves. And loving yourself I mean everyone always brings it up like it has to be an absolute, like there's moments during the day where I do love myself and there's moments where I don't like it just it comes in waves, it happens now and then, like it's.

Speaker 2: 40:04

I think everyone struggles with it too. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, there's there's people that love themselves constantly, or I don't know where I'm going with this. But yeah, it's just, there's no absolutes on the same thing with dating, and there's just there's no rules or absolutes, and yeah, you just have to be willing to.

Speaker 1: 40:25

I'm willing to take that chance and I mean and I'm speaking to the introverts listening right now it's like we're saying to themselves, well, I can't do that and everything else, and it's like it's not as hard as you're building it up in your mind to believe it is. And, like I said, it takes just simply go out and do something like go to a show, like I fucking love going to the blues. Can I love, you know, checking out different shows. I go to burlesque shows in the city now. And it's like just because the moment you find an activity that gets you out to do something and then you realize that there's other people around that love the same shit that you love.

Speaker 1: 41:13

That's when you start building a community, and community is like I said even if you don't talk to anybody there, Go a couple of times. The waiters will fucking get to know you. You know, strike up a conversation with them. You'll get to know the regulars that go to different events, like whether it be D&D or like open mics or whatever. Pick something that you want to do, Go, do it. Try it a couple times.

Speaker 2: 41:39

If it doesn't work, try something else like. And again.

Speaker 1: 41:44

You can do this by yourself, like I, for years just sat in the back of the fucking bar and watch people fucking play music. I've done that so many times.

Speaker 2: 41:51

I've been a loner and I've just gone to a place constantly and before you know it I was friends with the staff, was making friends with other people and but yeah, it's a hard hump to get over, like you know, and I mean I am that loner type. I mean I mean fuck it's. I feel kind of bad now because I'm such a loner sometimes that I've actually pushed people away that I've wanted to be friends. It's like, yeah, this is a total contradiction to what I was just saying.

Speaker 1: 42:23

You're really cool, right? I want to hang out and just go. Oh, I do Hard pass.

Speaker 2: 42:28

I mean, I guess, I guess that goes back to when I do love myself, as I can spend a lot of time alone, like by myself, which is maybe a form of self love.

Speaker 1: 42:38

No, it is and again it's. You just got to figure out what works for you and what doesn't.

Speaker 2: 42:47

But one thing that does make me happy when I do go out and even if, like, I go by myself, which I love to do is it makes me feel good inside to know that, like whenever I get anxiety or something, I'll sometimes just go out and like just to know that people are doing things and the world's going on and people are like just having fun. It makes me feel better, like it's just like yeah, people are doing shit, they're having a good time, they're doing this and that, like okay, I feel a little more peace, like yeah, if that makes any sense.

Speaker 1: 43:24

And even just go out and like I still love doing it in the summer is just going by the river and people watching. Oh yeah, I mean just you know making up, you know weird backstories to all those people that are walking down there.

Speaker 2: 43:39

Oh, everyone's a pedophile to me. Everybody's a pedophile, everybody yeah, okay 85 year old lady in the Raspel's murder?

Speaker 1: 43:51

Yeah, totally Total pedophile. See, that's interesting, but yeah, so I guess we'll move on Death of Superhero movies. I'm happy about that, yay. Did you see any good films this year and are there any still from that last year that you are really interested to see?

Speaker 2: 44:21

I watched. I actually watched 149 movies this past year. That's a lot, and because I always keep a record of them. Okay, Shit, I watched a lot of cool. I think I just posted it to the end Instagram my favorite first watches Okay. But yeah, like I didn't watch any really new ones per se, let me pull it up here. Actually, a really cool one on Netflix you should check out is probably the Killer with a oh shit, what's his name. Again, he played the Android and Prometheus.

Speaker 1: 45:01

Michael Fassbender. Yeah, I think he did.

Speaker 2: 45:04

That was a cool one I watched recently, but yeah like not too many new ones.

Speaker 1: 45:15

Yeah, as for new movies, there's nothing really.

Speaker 1: 45:19

I saw this year that like you know, blew me away. There was a couple of things at the film festivals that were really really good, mostly shorts, because I went to the short film festivals and then I got really lucky this year because then it was kind of like the year we went. I mean, they're fun, they were pretty good. I really loved watching that film, the talking heads film From the 70s or 80s. Whenever they filmed it oh, was that a dog Kind of? It was almost just like they recorded the entire concert.

Speaker 2: 46:03

Actually, I think Jan might have been telling me about this one.

Speaker 1: 46:07

Do you know what it's called?

Speaker 2: 46:08

Oh, off the top of my head, no okay, I think she was telling me about this.

Speaker 1: 46:12

Yeah, I heard, it was really good yeah, I was really good saw that it's a plaza. After movies like that came out this year that there's nothing really I want to see. Well, no, I lied. There is one movie I absolutely want to see and I'm gonna try to in the next little while here. Well, things are a bit slower for me. I want to go see it it's Is it called it's?

Speaker 2: 46:36

that Emma.

Speaker 1: 46:37

Stone will be a poor things. Oh yeah, I've heard that's pretty good, yeah it looks fucking amazing, so I'm actually really looking forward to seeing that one, so yeah, actually another one I heard.

Speaker 2: 46:51

That's really good. I think Jen watched it the other night is, uh, I think it's on Netflix and it's called salt burn.

Speaker 1: 46:57

I've been hearing many good things about that. I think it's on Amazon, isn't it?

Speaker 2: 47:01

Okay, maybe it is. I know we have like prime and Netflix. Yeah it's on one of those.

Speaker 1: 47:07

I haven't heard anything about it other than like people are kind of like. I See people posting about yeah, they're reacting. Yeah, I've heard it's good. Yeah, so yeah. Yeah, um moving on um. So did you know there's a website when they can get they can. They'll have Icelandic horses that have this giant keyboard out in this field and they'll type a letter that you can send as an inter-office email.

Speaker 2: 47:54

Okay, I'm just trying to wrap my head around gigantic horses no, Icelandic horses.

Speaker 1: 48:00

Okay, We'll type a random gibberish letter for you okay that you can send as an inter-office email.

Speaker 2: 48:11

I Don't know, I just thought this was interesting, I mean exclusively as an inter-office email, or could you just send it, I mean, but who really like, wouldn't somebody just get the letter and they wouldn't know the whole backstory and be like what the fuck is this?

Speaker 1: 48:30

Because it's all just like H's and J's and like.

Speaker 2: 48:35

Sincerely Cornelius.

Speaker 1: 48:38

Of course. Please have it by 5 pm.

Speaker 2: 48:41

It has his life and house is whoops stamped on it.

Speaker 1: 48:48

I was just thinking because I'm like I thought that's a brilliant idea where you just send it and then read at the end just say Can you please? Have this done no later than 5 o'clock pm Today. I'm sorry, what was this? And they don't get an email you back asking. I'm sorry, was this meant to happen? And then you said them another one with even more, and then, oh, I'm sorry, I just thought that was an interesting story, so I thought we'd talk about it Okay, still going. Oh, it's still run, oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 49:31

So okay.

Speaker 1: 49:33

We're back. Anything you want to talk about about Last year, this year, things you want to see happen Hmm, things I want to see happen.

Speaker 2: 49:56

How's the music?

Speaker 1: 50:03

how's the writing going for the musical? We haven't talked since Christmas.

Speaker 2: 50:08

No, it's going good. I basically have like that first song fleshed out. I just ordered. I just got some staff paper in the mail yesterday, so yeah, I'll. I think the first song will be done and yeah, the whole thing is like going to be 17 minutes or something, right.

Speaker 1: 50:30

Roughly.

Speaker 2: 50:31

Okay, so that's good. Yeah, I think the first song is pretty much all done, because I think it'll basically just be like two or three verses. Right, yeah, so that'll be done. And then, like I have that instrumental piece that we could use that I sent you.

Speaker 1: 50:46

Right.

Speaker 2: 50:47

Yeah, yeah, it's actually. I'm really looking forward to that and, you know, probably have that ready soon for you here and Because, yeah, you're getting the kind of you're getting what kind of grant is it again?

Speaker 1: 51:03

Well, I'm going to attempt to go for development grants. Yes, development grant Okay, so we can actually, like I said, if we'll have Script pretty much done If we have some music we can throw in there.

Speaker 1: 51:19

Basically, the argument for the development grant is that, well, we need the money to figure out how much choreographers are going to be. We need to actually hire musicians to help you finish the music as well. We need to. That's going to take research and figure out how much that's going to cost. So there's a lot of figuring out different things. So, yeah, then once that's done, we can just kind of like Hope for the best, get everything kind of like all of our ducks in a row. I'm going to talk with the, the production guys, to about, like, you know what kind of cameras they're going to want. They're going to have to do a lot of what kind of cameras they're going to want they're going to. You know, the director photography is going to have to absolutely meet with choreographers and stuff like that too. So All of this is going to be in the development.

Speaker 2: 52:13

I am. I am really excited about it though, because, like I, I mean as much as I love just writing songs for, like my own artistic, you know, merits, whatever I've kind of fallen out of that hole like I'll start a band and go perform at bars, type of shit.

Speaker 1: 52:38

Yeah, I just.

Speaker 2: 52:39

I would love to do music for films and I would love to make songs for movies or shows or more of that type of thing. So I'm really hoping this takes off and you know we do a good job, because I would love to use it as a springboard to get into that. Like I don't know, I'm just I mean all the power to you if you do love being in a band and playing in bars and stuff. I just not my thing anymore and yeah, I'm really hoping.

Speaker 2: 53:07

I'm just super excited about this musical and yeah, we just love to focus on that and hopefully it could lead to other projects and yeah, I mean I'm, I'm quite excited about it.

Speaker 1: 53:20

I know the guys at P12 are pretty stoked. Last time I talked to them at least they were. So they're they're super excited to be a part of it, and I don't know I'm.

Speaker 1: 53:34

I'm optimistic, because Everybody I've kind of talked to so far since we've been doing this has not really, you know, been negative about it. They've been like, really, you're doing a sci-fi, romance, musical short? And I'm like, yeah, and they're like, fucking, that sounds cool. And then they're I mean, and that's the thing, like when I pitched it to the guys, it's like Everybody's doing horrors, everybody's doing dramas, they're doing you know stuff that they can, you know, move money around and figure stuff out. And I'm like, if we're gonna like, let's make something that's fun, let's make something that's different. And that's one thing I learned again in 2023 of going to all the different film festivals is that People like things that are different they like things that are, you know, not so much In the niche of certain things.

Speaker 1: 54:45

It's like, you know, some of the best things I saw this year were things that I didn't expect to see, like what was the one Old man old man, dragon, I think it was called, which?

Speaker 1: 55:09

I saw at multiple festivals and it's a short, completely done with marionettes. That's smooth, like the whole entire story, like it's an old man talking about like dragons and stuff like that and he's writing it down in a book and then it goes to the actual dragons flying and it's all done with marionettes and I'm like I absolutely adored that movie because I'm like what was the director and the producers thinking when they're doing this? It's like because this is not going to be easy, it's not going to be cheap, it's going to take a long time, but they stuck to it and they're like, well, no, let's do it, because this is what we want to do. And I'm like I have so much appreciation for artists like that and it's like Good on everybody, for you know, you know that wants to just, you know, make films and get them out there.

Speaker 2: 56:04

But it's like if I'm going to do something, I want to do something that.

Speaker 1: 56:07

I want to do. I want something that's fun.

Speaker 2: 56:10

It won't challenge yourself about too.

Speaker 1: 56:12

Yeah, and I mean I don't know, I mean it's that's just me, I think, as an artist, but it's like and one of the things too is when I was pitching it to the guys, it's like and I was very honest with them, I'm like this is not going to be, you know, cheap. It's going to take a long time.

Speaker 1: 56:33

It's going to, you know, and I was very honest with them about how, like this is not something that we're probably going to end up, you know, shooting in three or four months. This is going to be a long, arduous process. If you guys aren't okay with that, let me know. And, like, I'll try to find a different group. And they were all like, they're all super on board because they're like, they're like this is something we have never done before and we want to do it and like just to see them excited about like that again this they were gleeful like kids.

Speaker 1: 57:10

It's like they're like this is going to be so much fucking fun and I'm like I know, and I'm like making movies is supposed to be fun.

Speaker 1: 57:16

I'm like that's what I thought, Anyways, and I mean yeah, during the shooting process it's probably going to be quite arduous, but it's like, the more people that are excited about what you want to do as a project, I think the more successful we're going to be. So the more people that we can get on board to be, you know, enthusiastic about this ridiculous little skit. I think, I think it's.

Speaker 1: 57:45

I think it's just going to benefit us overall, like, even like just in briefly talking with people like at the Catterish Society, independent filmmakers like and stuff like that. Just you know, I just mentioned it's like we're going to have like a like a human sized carpet monster and just to see people's like like eyebrows kind of like peek up and then they turn and like I'm sorry, what are?

Speaker 1: 58:13

you doing and then they're like oh yeah, here you should go to these guys, talk to these guys, like just, I mean, this is the first major project that I've been a part of where it's like every little time I mentioned it, somebody's like like their ears perk up and they're like fuck yeah, like how can. I help Can.

Speaker 2: 58:37

I be a part of it, Like.

Speaker 1: 58:39

I mean it's exciting for me as, like you know, the writer and director and it's and I know from a producing standpoint it's going to be great for the other guys too, because it's going to give them more options, like the producers it's like, but it's. It's such a different experience than some of the stuff that we did in film school, where it's like everybody that you know we're considering that wants to come on board, wants to be a part of this, as opposed to, you know, some projects that we had in film school. Words like this is just an assignment and it's, it's. I'm loving this feeling of, like you know, actually getting to know people in the community, telling them this ridiculous idea for this film we want to make and then being excited just to hear that somebody wants to make it is very, very inspiring to me and makes me quite you know, like I said, optimistic.

Speaker 2: 59:47

Yeah, like it's infectious to, the more people are excited it kind of just goes from there as well.

Speaker 1: 59:54

Yeah, I mean, when I pitched you to write it like, I honestly thought like okay, you'll come up with a couple songs, but like the amount of effort you've already put into it and the amount of like passion you've already put into the project is like it is. It is inspiring and I'm grateful to you as a friend.

Speaker 1: 1:00:16

It's like because some of the shit that you came up with, yeah, it's like, even when we're just trying out some different music, I'm like is already beyond what I thought we could do. So I'm like, and like I said, we haven't even started yet.

Speaker 2: 1:00:32

So it's like a relationship we didn't have to force anything. Yeah, exactly, it was just like it clicked. I know that right, you want to write a musical, sure yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:00:50

So yeah, I'm excited about that project couple other projects hopefully getting off the ground by the end of this month. We're going to have a kind of set list for the podcast as well. I'll send that to you about, like, potential guests and ideas because, like I said, it's all in flux right now about I had some different ideas of what to do with the podcast as well, which I kind of mentioned briefly, but I mean this point it's good.

Speaker 2: 1:01:26

It's good.

Speaker 1: 1:01:27

So, and, like I said, there's far less bitching from me this year on this podcast than there was last year. It's just I'm grateful and I'm happy that 2023 was I don't want to say incredible, because I've used that word too often, but it's like it was. It was fucking incredible and it's just amazing how your mindset changes when you have, you know, not things go your way, but when you stop having to try to force you know yourself to be happy, it's a good thing.

Speaker 2: 1:02:12

No, it was. It was really I understand where you're going Like it wasn't incredible, but it almost felt, I think, in the same respect for me, like, oh, here's what I can, here's what I know I can kind of do. Well, let's like amp that up now Like it just seems. Yeah, it was kind of okay. Well, I think you figured out what you're capable of. Now let's really fucking focus that like laser beam.

Speaker 1: 1:02:39

Yeah, yeah, and I mean I'm glad, like I said myself, I pushed very, very hard last year and I got it done. Like to all the naysayers that told me it's too much, I can't do it, it's like, well, fuck off, look what I did. But yeah, no, I think this will be a good year. I'm gonna, yeah, focus on things that make me fucking happy. I'm gonna told myself a while ago I'm done with fucking dating. And then I'm like, you know what? No, I'm gonna go to the dating apps, try it again, so, and it's going pretty well, so nice. I'm gonna see how that goes. And, yeah, anything else you want to talk about?

Speaker 2: 1:03:46

No, I think I'm, I think I've erred. All my grievances.

Speaker 1: 1:03:51

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:03:57

Yeah, you're gonna hear about it. You want a piece of this? Yeah, um no, but yeah, I hope everyone like I. I mean, I hope 2023 has been decent to you. If not, I hope it gets a hell of a lot better. And yeah, I hope you guys tune in more. Um, it's just funny because I'm not really much of a talker, but once we like, once we do this podcast, I'm like holy shit, I guess I can talk about things like it's fun.

Speaker 1: 1:04:33

It's like this is just, you know, New Year's catch up, so and I'm glad we could do it and, like I said, thanks for being a part of this. Like I said, it's I. I know I come up with crazy half baked schemes often and I would like to thank you for being a part of this one for an entire year, so yeah, it's been a pleasure.

Speaker 1: 1:04:59

Yeah and um everybody, happy New Year. Um, I hope your 2024 is going to be stellar and take it easy, be easy on yourself, trust yourself and uh love the art you make, because it's yours. That's all I got to say about that. Um, we've been the artsy dudes. Uh, thanks for you. Uh, those of you who have been listening to us for the past year, we got a lot of big things planned for 2024. So please stay tuned. Um, my name is Taylor Gladue.

Speaker 1: 1:05:38

Um, I'd like to thank you, and to my side, here is the wonderful Ryan Cole Eliason, you can find her socials on uh, instagram, and one thing I should um also let everybody know is that you will also find um on our socials, our Patreon account. We are now video recording these fancy I totally forgot about that until now.

Speaker 1: 1:06:06

Yeah, so if you enjoy just listening to us uh, you can find us on um Apple podcast, spotify, all the major um podcast places. But if you'd like to watch us fumble through without our fucking makeup on uh um, go to Patreon, become a member um and help support us. And as we have other guests on, we will um continue to do um video recordings with them.

Speaker 1: 1:06:40

And, like I said, in the summer we have some different, bigger video planned as well, which will be exclusively on Patreon. So thanks again for listening. Have a happy new year. And, on behalf of the R2D2, this is Taylor signing off with Ryan signing off. Okay, bye, bye.