Breaking Free From Pornography | Cultivating a Transparent & Shame-Free Marriage Navigating Triggers & Resolving Conflicts

Breaking Free From Pornography | Cultivating a Transparent & Shame-Free Marriage Navigating Triggers & Resolving Conflicts
Guests: Rebecca & Dan Misek

✅ Get access - our FREE resources for couples are designed to help effective communication in marriage, resolve marriage issues, & build stronger connections (articles, videos, and interactive tools) here: https://trishaandthomas.com/free-resources/

🔸Join hosts Trisha and Thomas Walker in a transformative episode featuring Rebecca and Dan Misek, ordained ministers committed to overcoming shame and promoting sexual purity in marriages. This conversation delves into the journey from confession to healing, particularly around issues like pornography addiction. The Miseks share their powerful testimonies and actionable strategies for fostering transparency, honesty, and community support within marriage. Additionally, discover insights from these leadership coaches at Arrow's Edge about embracing truth and achieving personal growth with courage and community support. This episode offers hope, practical advice, and encouragement for anyone battling hidden struggles and seeking deeper connections.

To learn more about Rebecca Misek and Arrow’s Edge Coaching, go here:

https://www.getarrowsedge.com/

We are Trisha and Thomas Walker, licensed ministers, relationship coaches, & prayer counselors where we teach couples how to deepen their relationship with each other and with God. This is the Seeds For Your Marriage podcast where we share biblical wisdom and practical advice on building a strong, healthy, and fulfilling marriage rooted in faith. These marriage stories are to inspire you and give you a deeper understanding of God's design for marriage and steps to having a Christ-centered and thriving family.

For more visit:
https://trishaandthomas.com/podcast/

Learn about Trisha and Thomas Walker and their ministry, LGLP Ministries, Inc, visit:
https://trishaandthomas.com/

Chapters

• 0:36 Meet the Guests: Rebecca and Dan Misek
• 1:17 Shame Busting and Transparency in Marriage
• 2:01 Dan's Journey: From Confession to Freedom
• 3:32 The Power of Vulnerability and Courage
• 6:41 Creating a Culture of Openness
• 7:52 The Role of Love and Mercy in Healing
• 8:43 Encouragement for Men and Women
• 10:04 The Importance of Truth in Relationships
• 11:02 Understanding the Root Causes of Behavior
• 12:58 Steps to Overcome Shame and Guilt
• 16:48 The Journey to Purity and Healing
• 22:26 Cycle of Doom to Cycle of Prosperity
• 23:10 The Power of a Proactive Plan
• 24:13 Courage and Transparency in Marriage
• 25:19 Pursuing a Higher Level of Purity
• 26:50 Living a Transparent Life
• 27:51 Dealing with Pain and Shame
• 34:12 The Role of Coaching in Transformation
• 35:00 The Mission of Arrow's Edge
• 39:42 Final Words of Encouragement

Transcript

Rebecca Misek: 0:00

You can be free from porn. You can be totally transparent in your marriage. you can go through conflict without it You can go through confrontation without it always going into conflict,

Dan Misek: 0:12

if you learn to master this thing on telling the truth to your wife, day in and day out, and you give it everything you got, I mean, you leave nothing on the table. Now you're being a man. That's what a real man looks like is one that is going to be courageous. Seeds for your marriage.

Trisha: 0:34

Welcome to Seeds for Your Marriage. We're Trisha and Thomas Walker, and we have with us here, Rebecca and Dan Misek. And I am so excited to have them. They are fellow ordained ministers. Rebecca is a prophetic strategist, also the founder of Arrows Edge Coaching. And Dan is an amazing worship leader and chemist.

Thomas: 0:56

And a professional dad joker. Yes. Yes. Let's duel. All right. That's going to be in the after party. Of course. Okay. Well, welcome. Welcome. We are when Trisha was just sharing about having you on the podcast, I got so excited and I'm just going to read a little bit that you shared with us. Shame busting, breaking off shame and what it looks like to have a nothing hidden relationship. Getting off the cycle of doom, guilt, shame, and procrastination. And on to the cycle of victory. Sexual purity in marriage, the thing behind the thing. We have a testimony of breaking out of porn addiction, dealing with lust, working through triggers as a couple. So many people need to hear what you're about to release. So, let's get started and you know, there's a lot there that we can unpack. And, start with what set you off on this journey and how have you come to be so passionate in seeing others get breakthrough in these areas?

Rebecca Misek: 2:01

Our story begins, you know, we've known each other about 10 years all together, and we were in ministry together. And he was our worship leader, and I was a senior pastor at the church. And it was just such an interesting moment. We were working through some freedom ministry. We were just trying to work on growth all together. And there's this one day, because he was, you know, in our, our leadership, that he had this invitation into shame, but he chose courage. And that's what really started this all off. Because it came to me, we met, you know, in McDonald's one day. And he said, Hey I just need to confess I'm addicted to pornography. And in that moment, I had a decision, how do I want to handle this? And he had a decision, how do I want to step up in courage? Because if you think about it, it's like, I'm the leadership of church, they're going to kick me off. There's all this judgment that's going to happen and all these things could happen in the mind. And it was so interesting what Holy Spirit told me at that time. I just I call it, you know, just keeping your face straight and I all I had to do was lift shame from him in that moment I'm like, okay cool Thanks for telling me and you know You can talk a little bit about how that conversation went, but I can tell you the end story because it's glorious It's amazing in that day All I did as his leader was remove shame and all he did was step forward to be open and he has not touched pornography since that day And that is eight years ago.

Dan Misek: 3:30

Right. It's really an incredible piece because what this freedom ministry that had happened just a day or two beforehand led into this next conversation and all she asked was Hey, has there been something going on, you know, related to pornography? Like, were we seeing something? Was there something kind of a battle going on? And, and that was the moment for me, like, I've never talked about this. It's like, this is not something that I would be willing to let go of. Right. And it's shame is one of those things where you hide what. Is really, these are even important things that you're hiding deep inside. And you decide with yourself, like making a pact with yourself that you will not let go of this thing. You will not share it with people. And in that moment, that was where the courageous side had to come out. And what Rebecca did is she led me to understand pornography in itself, how destructive it is as, as a mindset. Also that there was a side where. Breaking that apart from the other roots attached to it. So along with let's, let's be right out in the open. What this looks like is pornography is paired with masturbation. So this is something that is, is a very common among men. And there, so they're dealing with these items and she was able to separate the two and say, Hey, what is really going on? What if that masturbation piece is a totally separate topic? We just deal with. The pornography. And when she did that, I'm like, that's even possible. Like, and, and so it was able to, to really deal with that and say, well, I choose to not bring this into my marriage. I choose not to bring this in. And I was in a previous marriage at the time. And that was a powerful moment to choose. It was a matter of choice and it was very simple. And once I was able to, to release that and not tie it to something that was hidden, I was able to bring that into the light and actually deal with it. And it wasn't like some really big thing that took a lot of work to do. It was a simple decision. I really want to release that to men of if there's something that you feel really passionate that you need to hide that it's, it's too big and you've never shared it with others before, there is hope for you.

Thomas: 5:57

Yeah, I think that's great. And Dan, you mentioned that, you know, pornography being tied to masturbation. I just kind of get a sense that sometimes our challenges and things that we may want out of our life or things that we want to bring into our life that might be more healthy and wholesome for us. Sometimes it can seem overwhelming. And, you know, you can't chew the elephant whole is what I usually like to say. And so the fact that you were able to break it down and deal with one thing at a time. Just, do you have any more to say about that process? And, Any guidance you would give others who might feel like I'm sinking under a rock. But what if you make them pebbles?

Dan Misek: 6:40

Right. I, I think there's really a key in here and this is exactly what Rebecca was doing is it's, it's developing a culture where nothing is hidden and if there's a way to, to feel safe when you're sharing what you're sharing and creating that. So she was my pastor at the time. And we had a friendship already and we were able to build upon that friendship. So I was seeing her as a pastor and as a friend, and she was trying to draw out what really was going on inside of me. And I felt this is vulnerable that I really have to trust what she's bringing to the table as my pastor to really address that. And obviously she's not in the same position to be in those same battles, right? So it was an area where she was able to very easily lead me. To see it from another perspective. And so I really feel like the battle in this is in shifting the mindset, shifting the perspective.

Rebecca Misek: 7:39

Yeah, I think that there's a good quote that we've been talking about on our team for a while now. It's, what if it's less about making sure everything is fixed and more about just not having anything hidden?

Dan Misek: 7:51

Right.

Rebecca Misek: 7:52

Because honestly, when you bring things to the light, that removes the shame, which empowers you into freedom. And honestly, what we did as a church, we didn't take him off the leadership team. We didn't punish him. We didn't, we let love and kindness be the motivation in all we do. And that is a verse I personally live by. It's on my dining room wall. It's really important to know like that love is really multifaceted. It doesn't mean always nice. It's not always pretty. You look at what Jesus did. Sometimes love is confrontational. Sometimes love is compassion. And in that moment, I really felt like love looked like mercy. And when that mercy hit, it's kind of cool because the rest of our story unfolds from there over the last eight years, even up into today, you know, and, and what we're going through right now. And I really want to encourage, honestly, women, wives. This is a really big problem and it really affects the heart.

Trisha: 8:53

Well what I really like is the fact that you are bringing this to the light because That is something that Thomas and I have talked about for years And really have stood on is when you bring the light into the into the darkness the darkness cannot cannot overtake it And so how do we bring what's happening in? Each of our lives or in our marriage or wherever, whatever is happening, how do we bring that into a light expose it in a way you're talking about it in a kindness way, in a covering way, in a way that brings love and not and not shame or any or anything like that, condemnation, but bring it in a way where you can support one another in that.

Rebecca Misek: 9:32

Yeah, that, that reminds me, we were talking about a lot of men's groups out there are very healthy and really guys go have a men's group. It's really important that guys work stuff out with guys. But we're seeing a dynamic within different men's groups that they would work it out only with each other and then they wouldn't let their wives in. And we had to have this conversation pretty recently of, for me, I would rather know the truth no matter how painful. Well, Than to have something hidden from me and sense it. I'm a big time feeler and we had this even in our our sleep time Yeah, he would be asleep But I was sensing and feeling what was going on in his heart and I would have no idea What that was because the the men seem to be under this I'm going to protect my wife By not telling her the truth and for me that was really a serious problem because I was suffering You I was sensing it in my heart and in my spirit, but I had no idea why. And now that wasn't related to pornography, but that was related to, you know, a large group of men, Christian men, are looking at pornography, but even more of them all the way up till They're, they're lusting at the beach, they're lusting at Walmart, Target, I mean, the amount of looking that's happening, and then they're embarrassed of it, and so they go to this men's group and they tell their fellow guys to then, you know, encourage, hold accountable, all that stuff. We're still working on behavior. And see, behavior is never the problem. It is absolutely never the problem. And, and when I coach with people, I don't even care what the behavior is. Let's look at what's driving that behavior, what's behind it. It's always a heart position, mindset, that is the problem. And so, When we're protecting our wives in that way, that's a false protection that's actually leaving the marriage exposed to harm. And so I really want to encourage that. Wives, first of all, you can handle it. You know you can. You know, husband, that takes courage to step out and, and be willing to share something so sensitive and so vulnerable. And so I applaud a man who will stand up and say, man, I'm really battling this thing. Can you come alongside me? Because in that moment, then I can, instead of confrontation, I'm acting in mercy and humility and kindness and generosity. But when we're being protected, then we're coming in saying, I need to confront, I need to have that harsher kind of, you know, that confrontational love involved. That's less fun. So guys, let's have fun by being courageous to expose what's going on in our hearts. So that I've always said that let's just deal with our stuff so we can go and influence the world around us.

Thomas: 12:19

So Rebecca, I'm just thinking of a couple of things, men right now that are listening to this and they're just like, Oh, you just don't know my situation. I want to tell my wife, but. What would you say to that?

Rebecca Misek: 12:33

I hear that all the time in my coaching clients, and I, even from women, is if I said this then, and it's not only related to the sexual purity, it's like, oh, I did something and, you know, because shame says I am something wrong, it becomes an identity word, right? And so they found an identity, and if I'm exposed, then I won't be loved. And then fear comes in. And what I would say is, courage overcomes all that. It takes 30 seconds of courage to really step out, no matter what your situation is. Anyone who I've ever worked with, they can take that step of courage and actually break off shame. It is phenomenal. What can happen, the breakthrough can happen just by that one seemingly small step. I'm not going to hide anything anymore, and I'm going to expose it to light. Me and my business partner, Amber, we've got that going on where it's like, Hey, I just need to get this out of, of my body. I just need to get this out on the table and we bring it to light and it solves so many problems. It's just like miraculous. So yes, I understand there are some really tense situations. I've worked with government leaders that are like, if this gets out, we're going to be You know what I'm saying? But honestly, if they find a place, a safe place, obviously you can't just, I'm not gonna do an expose of my entire life, right? But you gotta find people of which God is placed in your life that you can be totally transparent with. Expose that thing to light and you'll, all of a sudden you'll be like, I'm free from that. It doesn't take all this work when we're not operating in shame so I really passionately. Encourage you. It's kind of, there's a show, it's called Lie to Me, that I used to watch. I'm that guy, like, that, that can tell the lies, you know, like, I'm, I know you're lying right now, you know, but there's the other guy on there who is always telling the truth. I don't remember the character's name.

Dan Misek: 14:28

James?

Rebecca Misek: 14:29

James. He, he just, no matter what it is, he just spouts off the truth. A life led like that, now it can, at times, cause pain. But I'm telling you, there's greater pain by sitting there listening to it in your spirit, listening to that in your heart, not getting healed. Like, how much do you want to be free? And how much closeness do you want in your relationships? And how much vibrancy do you want in your life? Is it worth it?

Thomas: 14:55

Yeah, we talk a lot about that with couples that we work with which is getting to the what do you want?

Rebecca Misek: 15:00

Yeah,

Thomas: 15:01

I think that's really important is what do you really want? Because if you're telling me you don't want this anymore Are you willing to take the steps necessary? To change the outcome And that's where the rubber really meets the road is how committed are we? To to making change in our life to shift our mindsets and to be around people that are building us up, encouraging us, and, and walking through life with us no matter what the situation might be. So, I love everything you're, love everything I'm hearing and, and that you're saying, and I know you've set so many people free and on paths that it's just great to just reinforce the, the points that you brought up about. It's not actually so hard to overcome, it's more, are you willing to go through the journey and take the steps to do it? Yeah. And I promise you guys, it's worth it. Right. Just, it's worth it. Yeah.

Dan Misek: 15:53

There is so much to this shame busting that I feel needs to be shared. From the man's perspective, when sitting in that shame for so long, what would it look like to have that difficult conversation with your wife, to bring it into the light? That's really what I'd like to leave with those following this podcast today. Is to imagine an amazing outcome, greater relationship with your wife than you've ever experienced before because you're bringing it to life. And there is so much to this. So pornography is one item that can be dealt with. Masturbation is one that can be dealt with. And even the lusting is one that can be dealt with. This is not something you have to carry into your future, and you can make a decision today to deal with that. On the side of the, the masturbation, I have to share a truth that came in a marriage seminar that we attended this past November. Incredibly powerful, and it shifted me immediately, just like on the pornography topic. There was a man speaking his name is Aaron and as he shared they were doing some Testimonies and like a panel group and they were on the topic of masturbation and he says Okay, so you're telling me that you need the release of The same way that you need air. And he said, that is a lie from the pit of hell. You don't need the release. You think you need the release, and because you have only experienced it that way, you think that's the only solution, but actually God provided you a wife. And so, if we can change. The way that we're seeing it, that hit me in a way that it immediately broke. Like, I felt it break in that moment, and I just, like, I started to, like, cry tears of joy because I knew that I didn't have to carry that anymore. And that doesn't mean that that you still don't have a moment where a thought hits you, and then you have a choice to make. That there is something to this, that it is part of the journey, and now the journey that we're currently on is on the side of what are we going to do to stay clean, to stay pure with our eyes. And I, I feel that I've been walking through this journey to it's, it's like thinking I'm shopping for a mate. Now, I, I was married previously for over 20 years, and I was still doing this, and I have done some inner healing to see what was going on. Even back to my first girlfriend and how she left and moved away to Texas. So I started looking, and the fact was somehow that never got turned off. The fact that I was looking for someone else. And I, I, I didn't deal with the hurt. Of my, my girlfriend at that time, moving away to see that pain not being dealt with led to future pain and anyone who would be with me because I hadn't dealt with that piece. So the pain that's involved for, for men out there to understand what this is, that. If, if you can see the level of, I do not want to hurt my wife. And if I shared this information with her, that I saw a woman walking alongside the road and it caught my attention and I felt this lust toward her, and I feel I can't share that with her, I'm telling you, that is a problem. Even if I bring that to my men's group, but I don't bring it to my wife, that is not the right response. She deserves to hear it. And I am now accountable to her to say, Hey, this thought hit me. And I am doing something about it. Right. And I'm, I'm bringing it to the light. And now here, here's the thing. When that shame is, is talked about when it's brought to the light, I don't want to act that way again. Now, when I'm confronted with the same situation or a similar situation, I have, I don't have fear about how she's going to respond, I actually know that she's going to respond by, by cheering me on, like, Hey, that really hurts. And we both are feeling we're feeling a consequence based on the pain that we're both feeling because it hasn't been resolved yet. But I am putting her in an incredibly difficult position because she's remaining in her pain until I choose to deal with the root that's within me. Now, if you're a man and you can go and lift weights, And you can bench press, let's say 350 pounds. Awesome. Go for it, man. That's awesome. But let me tell you, if you learn to master this thing on telling the truth to your wife, day in and day out, and you give it everything you got, I mean, you leave nothing on the table. Now you're being a man. That's what a real man looks like is one that is going to be courageous. I mean, you, there's this cycle of doom that we talk about. It's in our framework. Okay. It's about shame, guilt, and fear. And let me tell you, if you get into any one of those three, it could lead into the other two. You start getting into this where you're hiding things and that shame starts to come in and it takes you over and you can't be productive in what you do. If you allow guilt to come in, there, that all of a sudden it's like, I know I did this thing wrong, but I just don't know how to respond. And there also can be just areas of fear, like I'm not sharing this information with my wife because I fear the consequences that will come. If I looked lustfully at someone else, now I know that's going to stand in the way of our connection. So I am fearful of that consequence because I don't want that disconnection. But let me tell you the truth. Is that to remain connected means keeping these things in the light. And so we're able to move from that cycle of doom. We say, dun, dun, dun, cycle of doom into a cycle of prosperity, a cycle of life. And this one, we move from being in guilt to being proactive. What would it look like if you started to take steps proactively? Instead of always responding to the mistakes. So you set up a plan on how you're going to respond. And that is actually what we are doing now on this battle with the eyes. Is we'll talk about, we're going to go to this location, and how are we going to handle that situation? I'm going to look down and to the right. And let me tell you, there is something really powerful that happens when you go in with a plan. Is we had this exact plan of looking down and to the right while we were out hiking. And there are many passers by that we find when we're out hiking, right? And it just so happened on this trip that we also knew that there was danger of snakes on this trip. And so as we're walking along, I am continually looking down and to the right. And I, on that particular day, I spotted a rattler. And I was so thankful. That if I would not have been doing the thing that I was called to do that day, we could have been in danger. And I simply said, stop. I was in my position, in my authority to say, I just stop and then everyone walked around behind me. So I feel there is something really powerful. You go in with a plan to be proactive and that's really where things will shift. And that last piece of fear, we've already talked about it. is being courageous and going after it full on. And so I really, I implore men out there and even to, to bring those things to the light. Is a really big part of that story and also for the wives, for the women is to be courageous to listen to and receive what your husband has to say, because that is also incredibly powerful to support him and to love him through the challenge and even despite the pain that you're feeling when he's not honoring you with his eyes. Yeah.

Thomas: 24:55

So, Dan I have to. Maybe take a step back or maybe a step above because obviously you have a great relationship that you're continuing to pour into. Maybe you can describe, like, what are you in pursuit of? Because this isn't just because Dan wants to do like you're in pursuit of something. What are you pursuing together?

Rebecca Misek: 25:19

Yeah, I'm the visionary. So first of all, just to add to we're still in a process, right? So the whole idea is not to always look down into the right, right? It's actually learning. He's trying to retrain his reticular activating system in his brain. Yes. I felt like, you know, to take away all of it. And, and really pull the reins in to be able to become central, right? So I just wanted to clear that one up, but for us, the ultimate destination may be different than other couples. I feel like God has called us to a level, like an extra level of purity because of what we're called to do, because you can't set others free from something you're not free from yourself.

Trisha: 25:56

Yeah.

Rebecca Misek: 25:56

And I just, I feel like our, our ultimate goal here is that is. Really, what I'm seeing is we've got men who are really kind of being misdirected and they need to be rising up as fathers, which are protectors. So fathers will protect women, warriors will protect women. They want to protect their families. And this whole thing got twisted around to where they're actually the consumers and they're actually taking from. And it, and I feel like there's this redirect. That, I, I think that, you know, there were years and years and years where you could not complete, it was not known that you could complete a running in a mile in, I think it was under four minutes. And nobody could do it, and nobody could do it until somebody else could do it. And once it was done, all kinds of people can run a mile in under four minutes. And I think we're at that level of how can you be so honoring in your marriage? How can you be so transparent? I really feel the key here is how to live a transparent life, even though there may be pain involved in that transparent, transparent journey. Because honestly, it's hard to hear this stuff, right? But it's a lot harder to live in a place where you don't know what you don't know To me when he comes and brings something to me or when I come and bring something to him It's a major developer of trust and reliability It's like if I know I can trust that if there's a mistake or if there's something going on I know that I'm safe in that because he's not going to hide it from me and it's now it's no longer I don't know what I don't know. It's that I actually do know and now I have a chance to respond with love You And what does love look like in that situation? I'm telling you, it's multifaceted. But when, when spouses are coming together, letting love and kindness be the motivation all they're doing, and they're each working on their stuff. And that's one thing I love to add is what I'm seeing in men in particular, but in women as well, is they're carrying around this massive bucket of pain and see what shame does is I don't see that pain. I'm not dealing with that pain. I want to do it. And I'm watching these marriages. In utter pain because one of the spouses won't go and deal with what's going on behind the scenes What's going on in their heart a lot of this is all behavior change. I'm just going to try to do it Right, you know you get the husband that's like, okay I'll be good and and it'll last for like three weeks and then we go back to the old way, right? The only way to break that is to say I have a bucket of pain And I need your help to deal with that bucket of pain and I'm telling you when both spouses are working on that It is amazing. I feel like our level of purity and transparency and openness in our relationship is to set the bar a little bit higher for the people that we work with to know, Hey, guess what? You can do it. You can be free from porn. You can be totally transparent in your marriage. you can go through conflict without it You can go through confrontation without it always going into conflict, in fact. You can say, hey, this was not cool. Let's work on it together. But it doesn't have to be a big fight. Like, what would it look like, guys, all of you, if we didn't have to fight in our marriage? If we could actually just come together and be like, I messed up, now this is confrontation and we're gonna We're going to work on a plan together using open ended questions and really coming together is about connection and clarity Versus I need to get my way or he needs to get his way like it really it changes the trajectory of relationship So it just I love it when I can see when both Parties are both willing to work on that pain that's coming from that's all built up that that needs to be dealt with and when they Do oh my goodness the testimonies marriages turned 180 that we're literally they're filing for divorce Boom back together. I mean like this stuff that happens and so honestly our goal is not just for us and our beautiful family and a man is it beautiful, but it's also multiplication of like What would it look like if we could do this all a little bit differently? And what would it look like if we could come together for clarity and connection and not, and be able to love, even when we vehemently disagree? Like, can we do that? And here it is. Yes, we can.

Trisha: 30:35

Yeah, absolutely. I 100 percent love everything that you guys are saying. I mean, honestly, this is living a life of being married together, being naked and unashamed. Right, which is God created Adam and Eve. They were naked and unashamed and What I love what you're talking about is just being you talked about the transparency. It's the vulnerability I think sometimes though depending on where marriages are your marriages at you might actually need A third party to help, an accountability partner, or a counselor to help you to be able to even have those conversations. And then another piece of it is, and we actually had to learn this, is when we started really being more transparent and vulnerable with one another, we had to agree that we weren't going to throw it back in one another's face. So, I mean, later, I would do that. Later on, I'd wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning. 3

Thomas: 31:31

o'clock in the I had to go to work the next day.

Trisha: 31:33

Ah, yes. I can't believe you! Yeah.

Thomas: 31:38

But I thought we were in a safe space. Yes.

Trisha: 31:43

Yeah. So, I think that's, that's really key there. Otherwise, he wouldn't want to share again, right? But, this whole issue around You know, pornography or it's the sexual immorality, like there, there's so much tied to that beyond just the pornography, right? And it goes a lot deeper than just what you're watching on the screen. You know, some people could just be like, well, this is what I do. Like this is, there's, it's not harming anybody. This is just what I do, right? Or this is what we have to do in order to be able to be into one another. This is, this is what is required. But I just say that's a lie. Like if you can be delivered from this, you know, we years ago, I mean over 10 years ago, we were battling the same issue and it actually stemmed into a cycle of like ongoing sin that just led to a bigger pile of sin, right? To the point of where what he saw on the screen, he actually thought I was supposed to do in the bedroom. Like his view, his mindset has just everything just shifted about how, how he saw women and what their purpose was and what their value was. And it even shifted my identity and what, who I thought I was. And so by us being able to, to be delivered of this together, it actually allowed both of us to become free and to understand a deeper sense of who we were in Christ.

Thomas: 33:02

Powerful. Yeah. I'm just thinking back to the garden, like you talked about Adam and Eve, and I'm thinking about whenever they actually ate and they were then hiding and God's question was, who told you you were naked? So to me, that, that is a great example of how lies can just enter in to our lives and into our relationships and the ability to like, begin to discern what we're hearing from the Father. Because we want our thoughts to be completely aligned with his thoughts. And whatever he says about us is the thing that I want to believe about myself. I have no idea where I'm going with this other than to say, I think it's just really important that we build this muscle to challenge our own assumptions, to challenge our beliefs and to challenge our thoughts and be willing to say whenever what I'm thinking doesn't line up with the word of God or what he's saying. I have to be willing to confront that. And what I'm hearing you say is the better way to confront that is out in the open. Not try to do it in here by myself. But Rebecca, do you both share the Arrow's Edge coaching or do you run the business?

Rebecca Misek: 34:17

So, I'm the founder CEO. He, I believe, just has a massive feature in the business, but right now he provides for our family. Praise God, like he really brings it. His role has been so phenomenal though, because he listened to hundreds of my sermons and knows how to speak in my voice. And so when clients go through our coaching framework, I'm just blessed to say that it's his writing. Like I, I write the video lessons and we do it kind of differently where the written lesson is different from the video lesson. I bring my whole self into it. He brought his whole self into it. And so he is a coauthor of the coaching framework that has just been so anointed by God. We're this amazing team of coaches and leaders that have all come together with this mission to see people absolutely unshakable in their lives. Now this is Christians who want to influence the world around them, Christians who want to leave a legacy. Christians who want to make a difference in the world, we want to, we want to see you be completely unshakable. So that means you're completely in your identity despite your circumstances. Now, what would that look like? Because most of us were like, I'm going to live up to what's expected of me or what people think I should be. And all of a sudden I am finding so many people, they're like, I don't even know who I am anymore because I've lived my life dependent on what other people expect of me. And so what we do is we walk through this amazing mountain journey. It's literally a mountain journey. It's a hike that we did me and him together. It's Castle Craig's in California. We did this mountain hike journey with where the Lord taught us so much and we use that adventure to take people from the bottom of the mountain, say, where's your fitness level. And are you ready to climb the mountain and are you ready to do the work, you know You climb a mountain and you put in some major works. We did 23 peak hikes last year. We put in some work And you have to put in that hard work on your heart. But isn't it better when you have a trail guide to come alongside you to tell you, I've been on this trail before, I know you can do it. How many times do you have people are coming down from the peak and they're like, you're almost there. You're almost there. And all of a sudden you get a burst of energy. Right? So we're your trail guide. And we're on this trail to take a look at your life. Where you are now and lift off the weight of others opinions and weight off the pressures, right? And the things that you think you're supposed to be to finally figure out, Who am I actually? And when I actually know who I am, I can go, boom, I can be totally myself, despite my circumstances and face the world completely authentically and completely as God created me and designed me. And so that's the kind of thing we do. We love to walk people through transitional, you know, we've got church leaders that, you They're having trouble working with their senior leader, that's really fun because I was a senior leader and a church leader, right? We have families that are like husband or wife and they're, they don't know if they should get divorced or stay together. We have people that maybe just got out of school and they're like, who am I after school? There's, it's almost any Christian who really wants to be unshakable and master their life. Man, you gotta have a trail guide to get you there, and that's what we do.

Thomas: 37:35

Amen.

Rebecca Misek: 37:35

Yeah.

Thomas: 37:36

What's the significance of the name Arrow's Edge? I mean, the energy, so it's just coming through.

Rebecca Misek: 37:42

I live for this, and honestly, I'm blessed to say there's now four coaches that have partnered up along with some other team members that were all there to walk out this journey. Right now we just launched an incredible community. I am so stoked about this thing because all of the coaches are coming on board to just simply pour out their hearts. And simply come alongside people and to really serve well in the and what we're doing as a team is we're saying I'm going to bring my entire identity to the table and and I'm going to help you to bring your entire identity table. And so what does that actually look like? Well, the people that come in that community, we want to connect them not just to us, but to each other. In fact, a couple of the coaches that are on our staff right now, it's such an amazing story. One of them, I was in a masterclass. Online and I met her and we've been friends ever since. One of them was a client of mine and she ended up becoming one of our coaches. It's, it's crazy wild stories that even brought our team together. And so it's such an amazing journey and the, the best part of it is it's team. We have a team that is skilled. All of us are trained certified leadership coaches. All of us are trained in a inner healing modality, which means going after those inner wounds. And what does that look like to get wholeness? And all of us have a different thing that we bring to the table that's a uniquely ours. So we just have a blast loving people and seeing them calling out their full potential.

Thomas: 39:18

And if folks want to get in touch and find out more, get in contact with you.

Rebecca Misek: 39:22

Absolutely. Go to our website getarrowsedge. com. Yeah. Or you could email me, Rebecca at getarrowsedge. com.

Trisha: 39:31

Awesome. Any last words? Of advice, wisdom. Yeah.

Thomas: 39:35

Summarize this whole hour

Trisha: 39:37

encouraging words.

Thomas: 39:38

Minutes in, in like one minute.

Rebecca Misek: 39:42

Yeah. I, I'll let you speak as well, but I just wanna say guys the journey's worth it. Going through and feeling the pain is worth it. Yeah, I think really guys step into what God has for you walking through that hard mountain climb. Mind you, you're gonna sweat. And you're going to be tired and you're going to need sustenance and it can be really hard and you'd be like I just want to turn around you can ask My stepdaughter over there you want to turn around on this fight and you're like I'm done But when you get to the top and you actually make that goal And you actually did that thing and you get that breakthrough you were longing for You know that all of the work you put in was so Worth it deal with the pain go ahead and embrace it Go ahead and do it anyways, you know, take a breath if you need to but do it anyways That's what I would say the shame. It's not worth it the guilt the condemnation walking in fear. It's not worth it Being courageous to just take that step forward and to be able to align yourself with somebody A lot of times our family will just tell us, you know, what we need to hear or want to hear or what they think we should hear. Having a guide, somebody to work with you, that's going to love you through all of your challenges, there's really no replacement for that. I feel like coaches need coaches. Like I have a coach. I have a multiple coach. That's really huge. So what about you?

Dan Misek: 41:09

I have to say this is a very real business and everything that she's saying from seeing it and watching these relationships develop and joining team meetings There is a chemistry and there is a life in this business that I have not seen in others. The culture of honoring one another and drawing out the best in each person. There's gold in every single person, and that's what Arrow's Edge exists, is to pull out that gold. And to say there is something so unique and powerful in you to see yourself the way God sees you. And that specific identity is so powerful. The things we were talking about today, even this moving from that shame, guilt, and fear into being proactive, courageous, and transparent, all of those things are a part of the community. They're a part of. This culture that exists within Arrows Edge, this is, there are resources to be plugged into that are far beyond what you've experienced in your life. The biggest part that I can say is that level of empathy. If you work with Arrows Edge, you will see the highest level of connection and listening. What we were just talking about, those highest levels of listening. You will see that if you partner with Arrows Edge, you won't find that in other coaching programs. I really feel that is the area that sets apart Arrows Edge. The, the level of love and honor for you regardless of where you are. You may even be in a difficult position in a transition in your life that is really painful. But every single coach, every single team member at Arrows Edge is standing by ready to draw that out for you. So, that is my story. so

Trisha: 42:59

much. Yeah,

Thomas: 42:59

thank you so much. I'm just gonna land this plane by saying one thing. To move from guilt, shame, and fear to proactive, transparent, and courageous, it all starts with you. With a choice.

Rebecca Misek: 43:14

Come on. Yes. That's it. There it is. That's it. Thank

Thomas: 43:17

you very much. Yeah, make the choice.

Trisha: 43:19

Yes. Thank you guys. Bless you everyone. Thank you for listening to Seeds for Your Marriage with hosts, Trisha and Thomas Walker. We pray this episode has given you tips and tools on how to thrive in your marriage. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Trisha and Thomas. We want to hear from you. Be sure to leave a review and let us know how we're doing. It's our desire that this podcast completely benefits you. So also let us know future marriage topics that you would like to hear about.