Seeds For Your Marriage
This is the Seeds For Your Marriage podcast where we share biblical wisdom and practical advice on building a strong, healthy, and fulfilling marriage rooted in faith.
Seeds For Your Marriage
Transformative Faith and Healing: Henry Calcagno's Journey from Trauma to Triumph
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Transformative Faith and Healing: Henry Calcagno's Journey from Trauma to Triumph
Join Trisha Walker as she interviews Henry Calcagno, a man of deep faith and resilience, on Seeds for Your Marriage. In this captivating episode, Henry shares his powerful testimony of overcoming childhood trauma, abuse, and inner wounds through an unwavering relationship with God. From growing up with a controlling and abusive mother to finding solace and transformation through Christ, Henry's story is a testament to the healing power of faith. Learn how he nurtures his relationship with Jesus, the importance of forgiveness, and the impact of spiritual growth on personal and marital relationships. Henry also discusses his ministry, providing inner healing for men and women, and the importance of community and accountability in one’s spiritual journey.
We are Trisha and Thomas Walker, licensed ministers, relationship coaches, & prayer counselors where we teach couples how to deepen their relationship with each other and with God. This is the Seeds For Your Marriage podcast where we share biblical wisdom and practical advice on building a strong, healthy, and fulfilling marriage rooted in faith. These marriage stories are to inspire you and give you a deeper understanding of God's design for marriage and steps to having a Christ-centered and thriving family.
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https://trishaandthomas.com/podcast/
Learn about Trisha and Thomas Walker and their ministry, LGLP Ministries, Inc, visit:
https://trishaandthomas.com/
When the vertical relationship is tight and they're growing in the glory and the presence and the power and the wisdom of the scriptures and God and the Holy Spirit, they start to become the men. Their wives might need them to be I understand that the comforter is real and that he was there for me and he always will be and he always has been Seeds for your marriage.
Trisha:Welcome to Seeds for Your Marriage. I'm Trisha Walker and I have here with me Henry Calcagno and he is a powerhouse. God's kingdom and I'm so excited to have him here. I'm especially excited for all those men who are listening. I believe that he has. testimony that really speaks to men and helps them to learn from his story. He is a mighty man of God lives here in the Bay area. My, husband and I met him through church, but actually I first got to really know him. In the hair salon because he does hair, he calls himself a hairapist and that's how we started connecting and getting to know one another.
Henry:Yeah. It's now become an official title. You're a hairapist
Trisha:Yeah, absolutely. Welcome to our podcast. I want to, get right into it. Your story really impacted me because in some ways I think I can relate to childhood stuff that, has happened and we've learned how to move through that, heal from it and help others through our stories. I would love for you to share a little bit about your story and how you've been able to overcome some of that trauma.
Henry:Yeah. Yeah. How much time do we have? When I think of my story I think about the story that. Started with God all along and I didn't know him as a child. But I saw him later on as I got to know him, how his hand was over on my life, protecting me. Also, we have an enemy and he's out to work God's plan in our life. He's out to destroy us, kill us, anything he can. So in my childhood, growing up on a farm in Pleasant Hill, I had an amazing father, but I had a very. How can I say disturbed mom and my wounds and everyone has one. So we want to talk about wounds and inner healing in this session too, because that's also my ministry
Trisha:to men
Henry:and women, as it's a very common thing actually in a lot of families where we. experience something that's not healthy. It's disturbing. It can be violent. So to get to my story, I was even as a baby with my twin sister, Mary, I was rejected or we were rejected because we ended up getting adopted. And we found out later on when we were young adults. That we were adopted. And so our original parents, whatever they went through, they didn't keep us. So right away, my inner wounds started before I was even one years old. At about one years old, we were adopted by a loving father and a mother that wanted to love us, but couldn't love us the way that would be healthy. So what we went through, and I say we, because of my. Twin sister and I went through it together with my little sister, was what we refer to, some people refer to as a rageaholic parent. She wasn't an alcoholic, she was a rageaholic. That, that's a person who acts like an alcoholic, with all the anger and rage and all the control issues. But doesn't drink alcohol to make it happen. Fortunately God led me at 22 years old to Christ as my rock. And the moment I accepted Jesus as my Lord, which was a prayer that I had, even with my twin sister next to me, we prayed this prayer and it was a prayer. I was actually praying for her, for Mary. I wasn't even praying for myself. And the Lord spoke to my heart for the first time. And He says, Henry, you will never be alone again. And I went, what? Whoa, how did he know? Raised Catholic and in a certain type of church where you didn't have that connection. So I would, this was the first moment I heard his voice. I knew it was him. I knew it was him. Then the second thing he said to me was, I will never leave you. And from that moment on in my life, the path I was on, was going that way. Turn to go that way, the opposite way. I literally cut out all kinds of habits that were not healthy. And my twin sister and I would have different paths in that process. I would end up being say traditionally counseled in my twenties for eight years, I went to counseling. And what's fascinating is one day after a few weeks of counseling my counselor said to me, Henry, you have been. abused in every form of abuse that I work with physically, emotionally, verbally, sexually, religiously, or like religious abuse control, and even a form of PTSD. Because my things got so crazy sometimes with my mom in her rage, she actually tried to kill us. The kind of thing in a movie where one day she was in such a rage at me, she threw me across the kitchen and she goes into this drawer. She pulls out a pile of knives that I sharpened because I help her cook in the kitchen. So I know what door that was. And she throws six knives at me as hard as she can, but God was watching over me. He made sure that not one knife scratched me. But you can imagine the trauma. So I have all these layers of trauma in the past, okay? But God, my God, over the years, he has led me to healing. Get inner healing, outer healing, physically healing, all types of healing. And my life is constantly being transformed by his healing. Mighty wisdom, his power, his Spirit. It is not everything has turned out rosy, right? Yeah. We still have challenges. I still have, I still find myself, Trisha, looking for ways to go deeper and get more healing. The process doesn't stop. The story is transformation. God has transformed my life from beat up little boy. Amen. To what you see now in my life where I God, somebody asked me once, they asked me, would you change anything from your past? Because it was such an ugly past. No, I would not change one thing because it's for his glory that I'm here. It's for his glory that I'm healthy. As healthy as I know how to be. And then I would love you to ask me about the relationships in my life, because out of healing, there's relationships that are very powerful. So
Trisha:absolutely. Yeah, that is so good. So powerful. And yes, I want to get to relationships. I think one question I do have though, is. Just, can you explain some of the ways you've nurtured that relationship with Jesus first? What do you, I know you love going to pray in the mountaintops, and that's one way you can really hear from him. I'm just, can you explain a little bit about how you nurture that relationship with Jesus?
Henry:Okay. This may not be new to anyone, but if it is I use everything I can to grow in him. I have a wonderful, loving habit of reading his word every single day, every morning and every night.. I also love to go out in nature and hike and I talk to God, and I'm alone with no electronics on no interruptions. That to me is like foundational. And then I would recommend to everyone who's listening, get connected to a church, a group and an organization that fits what you need in your life to grow closer to Christ, to learn more about him. I have always been involved, not just going and attending a church, but involved in church activities, so that I am the hands and work of Christ, because I'm so thankful that He saved me, He delivered me, He healed me, and He's made me, and He's continuing to make me into a new creation.
Trisha:That's awesome. I love it. Yeah. So getting to relationships, how has the transformation in your life affected the relationships in your life?
Henry:Okay. So I am now and have been a representative of Christ. What does Christ do when someone offends him? He forgives them, He heals them, He goes beyond their hurt, pain, and problems, and He sees them for who they really are. God sees, saw me for the Henry that I'm becoming, and He's formed in me a new life, a new heart, and a new way of approaching life. My relationship with him has always slowly gone up closer and closer as I graft myself and abide myself in this vine called Jesus Christ. That said, the first thing I needed to do, and this is really powerful, I want everyone to hear this part of the story. One of the best things I did on October 30th, 1999. I was in the middle of another seminar, doing what I always did, and that's going out to get more healing, to get more knowledge, to get more inspiration. In the middle of the seminar, on the last night of this seminar, three day seminar, I was in San Jose, California, and the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. He says, you need to call up your mother and apologize to her. What? This was a mother that did all these things to me and did a lot of hurting of our family, lots of pain, lots of, and I had pushed her away for 10 years and wouldn't talk to her, not my dad, but my mom. And I was, I realized in that moment with the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart, say, he said, Henry, you have been judging her and making her wrong all these years. It's time for you to come and humble yourself and apologize for that. Cause. That's not mine. That's not your job, Henry. That's the Holy Spirit's work. I called my mom at 1235 at night. I knew she was up. I said, Mom, I wanted to call you and talk to you. She goes, Oh, hi. She was shocked, right? I said, Mom, would you forgive me? I have been making you wrong and judging you all these years. And all I've been doing is talking negatively to everyone around me about you, and that is not holy, and it's not pleasing to God. I am so sorry, because God forgave me of all my sins. I just want you to forgive me also. And she's she was in shock, Trisha. Yeah. She was like, oh okay, I forgive you. And I'm like, so we started the conversation like that and something broke because I was in a place where I humbled myself and realized that my part in the struggle in the conflict needed to be taken care of very important that we acknowledge, even if it's 5 percent fault, we acknowledge that 5 percent and we say, man, I am so sorry. I reacted a certain way, I treated you a certain way in my heart, and please forgive me. It broke, and I end up having a four hour conversation until 4. 30 in the morning with my mom. And from that day on, we were tight. And what I did was I acknowledged her for everything she did right. And then I said, Mom, every day, I sin. Small or large, every day I fall short and every day God forgives me and he does. He goes beyond that. Not only does he forgive me, but he says, can we start all over again? Do you know your white is snow? And I'm like, wow, that is like a clean slate. And so mom, can we start all the way? That's what I said to my mom. Can we start all over again, clean slate. Can I tell you, I love you? And she says, I love you too. And from that day on, my mom would live seven and a half more years and she would find the Lord three days before she passed away and come to the Lord. This is another whole story. And I would be freer than I ever been. And it set me on a path to be free from the past, which haunts most of us. Because I don't know if you realize this or if this is true or not, but there's a bitter seed that can be a part of our deep in there, A hardness, and we don't realize it. And so I want everyone that's listening, if you hear the story, see if you can just take a moment, pray about. Being responsible, being able to respond with a heart for everyone in your family, everyone close to you, exes, everyone. And see if you can start a process of reconciliation, because that's what Jesus did for me.
Trisha:That's such, so good, such a powerful story. I love, actually didn't know that about your relationship with your mom and reconciliation. That's Such a testimony
Henry:I know.
Trisha:Yeah, absolutely. So you talk about how you do inner healing and that's something a ministry that you offer for people. Yes. I know for some men, it can be a topic that they don't necessarily. want to approach. They don't really want to look inside. They, they're taught to be tough. I don't cry. I don't, whatever it is, it's just, it's not something that they necessarily tap into that sensitive side of them. So can you talk a little bit about that and how what would you say to, some of those men?
Henry:I've been working with A small men's group for 27 years now. And what I do is first things guys can relate to is nature getting out in nature. So what we do is we're a, we're an active adventure club and we go up in the hills or we go on bike rides and then we land somewhere in the middle of nowhere and sit on these little stools and have coffee. And and we talk about. What we're dealing with on a real level. And one thing about I've learned about men getting in a circle of guys, and it only takes one or two guys to open up their clamshell, we call it without force, just by bringing things up that you're struggling with, no matter what it is. And as soon as one guy starts to open up, it could be me, but It could be others about a subject that's brought up. They start to, other guys start to open up and it has a chain reaction. Yeah. And it's unforced though. Men, you, men don't like to be forced into things. People don't like to be coerced into things. So it's a very gentle process. It's very private. And. It's very healing to get it out no matter what your struggle is, and we talk about the things that men struggle with, it could be porn, it could be distractions, it could be overwork, it could be, money issues. It could be relationship things. But the one thing that I work on with these men that's really important is their the vertical relationship.
Trisha:Yeah.
Henry:When the vertical relationship is tight and where, when they're growing in the glory and the presence and the power and the wisdom of the scriptures and God and the Holy Spirit, they start to become the men. Their wives might need them to be
Trisha:right.
Henry:That's just. A cap, just a cap of what I do in that arena. But it's very, we have a good time too.
Trisha:Yeah. Lots
Henry:of joking around.
Trisha:Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. Yeah. My, it's so interesting that you talk about that because my dad was one of those. Men, tough men, and he about five, I think six years ago now he joined AA and he stopped drinking and he doesn't miss a day without going to a meeting. Sometimes several meetings in a day. And he just. It's something he just loves to go to and share and meet other men and go to, he goes to several of the retreats a year and now even is asked to lead some of the retreats, and but it's, I've seen a train change in him. And even my step mom has said, she's seen a change in him. And it's something powerful. So just that, need the importance for other men to be able to have some sort of group or
Henry:very important.
Trisha:Yeah.
Henry:A man should never be an Island. Yeah. A man should never be left alone to his own demises. Yeah. He, we will commonly falter. And be thrown off course, and so the get together with a small group of men like that, love the 12 step programs because they're effective. I took some 12 step work because I found myself being a codependent. I did some Coda of work and I did some work in 12 step got to understand what it means. And how important it is to have boundaries,
Trisha:right?
Henry:All this led by the Holy Spirit, all of my path, all I did was go back to him, the author of our faith the supreme God of heaven and say, help, I'm struggling in this area. In 07, losing my wife of 20 years, to cancer, but our relationship was so deep and it got deeper when we went into the. Battle against cancer and the enemy. We got closer than ever before. And before she would go on to heaven, she gave her life to Christ. She got baptized at my church and I was able to baptize her and my son. And it was a glorious moment just weeks before she would go on to heaven. That kind of stuff doesn't happen accidentally. It happens because. I choose as a man to go to the source of all wisdom, power and peace every day. It's what, it's the little things that we do every day. It's the little things I do every day towards him that add up to an account in heaven. That I can cash into emotionally, financially, Spiritually, personally. I know who to go to and when to go to and how to go to him. And it's so important to build that relationship. I'm probably repeating myself, but that relationship is the core of all other relationships, especially in my marriage, especially in my marriage. Yeah. Yeah,
Trisha:absolutely. Yeah. The choice, right? Like you talk about choice. It starts with us. No matter what choice we're making, whether it's a relationship with our father in heaven or relationship with our spouse or relationship with, in your case, your mother, it started with a choice. And that choice takes you down a direction, right? And yeah, that's really, that's good. And you even talked about, storing up treasures in heaven. The Bible does talk about that. Oh,
Henry:absolutely. And
Trisha:the Bible talks about there's a bowl, there's incense bowls in heaven where all of our prayers go into. And it's like an aroma that, that the Father, he smells and he hears. And no matter what it is, no matter what we're praying for, no matter what we are partnering with God on for our family or for our personal life, whatever it's like that we're filling up that aroma bowl, right? That incense bowl to go before the Lord.
Henry:Yeah. If someone says, what's your life about? I'm about his. Plan for my life about his business. I'm about what he'd like me to do where he'd like me to work Where he'd like me to go to church It's first him and then all these things that I concern myself with are added as well. That's a promise in the scriptures
Trisha:Yeah,
Henry:seeking first
Trisha:the kingdom of God and his righteousness And all things will be added to us. That's really good. That's a foundational scripture for me.
Henry:Whenever I have a, I don't know if you want to bring up marriage conflicts or not, but whenever I have a conflict and we do have conflicts in our marriages, sometimes whether we're perfect or not, or semi perfect or not perfect, Oh, my goodness. Things are going to come up. I go to him. I go to him. I go on a walk in the back of where I live, and I talk it out with him, and he directs me, and he calms me down, and he keeps me humble, and I'm always able to go to my wife and look her in the eyes and apologize. Say, honey. I raised my voice. I got upset there. Please forgive me. I love you. And I get recommitted and realigned with her heart. And I want to listen to not just her words, but I want to listen to her heart. What does it mean for me to respond a certain way versus react a certain way, because I get into reaction, which is not positive and I want to get into responding, which is responding from a relationship, a continual relationship, walking with him. He is the cornerstone and the rock in which I stand on. And so in that I'm able to become this is a process. We're all in a process here. No, it's going to be perfect. I'm never going to be perfect, until perfection comes the second come never going to be perfect. But I can be better. I can respond better. I can be more patient. I can develop the fruit of the Holy Spirit. And make a difference for others. And that's what I get to do. Yeah. Make a difference.
Trisha:Yeah. That's really good. Yeah. Yeah. And the fruit of the Spirit. So love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control.
Henry:Yeah,
Trisha:so
Henry:yeah.
Trisha:Oh,
Henry:speaking of self control. Yeah, that's my big one.
Trisha:Yeah,
Henry:that's the one I work on hardest self control Because I have an anger button that's still back there and it wants to flare up there once a while. And I'm like, oh Man, and you can feel it coming in my I could feel it coming on because I got that Italian temperament, but that's a generational curse of sorts. And so I'm like aware of it As soon as it comes rising up in me, honey, I'm going to take a walk or I'm going to cool my jets down first before I open my, yeah. Cause your words either bring life or kill life. Yeah. Our words are very powerful. Yeah. What we say to ourselves is really powerful. If you stub your toe, what do you say? Do you say, ouch? Or do you say, what a klutz I am? Huge difference. Because you, now you cursed yourself.
Trisha:Yeah.
Henry:And so that's just something that I'm always working on too.
Trisha:Yeah. Yeah. Our words can tear people down or it can build people up.
Henry:Including ourselves. What we say to ourselves is really important. In fact, what we say to ourselves first on a daily basis. I am beloved. I am called by him. I am loved by him. I am the, I am, and what follows it can completely transform your life in every area of your life, financially, at workplace, in the home, with your children, with your pets, with your wives or husbands. Wow. That's it's monumental.
Trisha:Yeah,
Henry:That type of work is the best work. We could do is the inner work.
Trisha:Yeah. Yeah. And you and I do some work where we are able to help people identify that help people identify some lies of the enemy is trying to tell them. Maybe some lies they've even told themself and if I just encourage people, if you have a moment, take a moment and just write a sheet down of everything that you tell yourself, I am this, I am that whatever it is. And if those things.
Henry:It's a lie.
Trisha:It's a lie.
Henry:It's a lie. It's a lie from the enemy.
Trisha:Absolutely. And it was
Henry:installed. It was installed in you
Trisha:by
Henry:someone else not from him, but from the, from the devil, from the enemy through other's voices. Yeah. Could be at school. Could be in a teacher. Could it be a parent? Could be an uncle. Could be an aunt. And then when you add to it other kinds of traumas, like I experienced, trauma All types of traumas. You know what the worst one was? You want to hear what the worst one was? Okay, this is, man, this still affects me. My mom was such a control freak. She went beyond just beating us and beating me. She knew that I hated to go to school with funny clothes on. Okay. She would purposely to punish me for doing. I didn't do anything wrong, but to punish me because she had to control us. So she punished us all the time. Imagine growing up your entire childhood in the dog house, your entire, it just imagined that what she would make me do a school and funny clothes that I hated, and she knew it. And I was begging her to beat me many times instead of make me go to school and she would be like, Oh, I got him now. Imagine overcoming just being embarrassed and so forth. Yeah. Being so dejected. God has helped me overcome all of that.
Trisha:That's really good. That's really powerful. Yeah. And it's in those traumas that those, the enemy uses those doors. Yeah. There's openings when traumas happen in our life to try to install a negative self image of ourself.
Henry:Yes.
Trisha:Or even of God, right? Because we, sometimes we can often try to blame God. Why did you let this happen? Or why this? Or, you left me. Or when God says he'll never leave us or forsake us. Yeah. So it's learning to, to unlearn those perceptions that we have. And so cross out those things. I, whatever it is that's negative, cross out those things and ask God, what is the truth? Yes. What is the truth and replace it with instead of I am a screw up. No, I am perfect in him.
Henry:Yes, I am redeemed.
Trisha:I am redeemed.
Henry:God chose me out of everyone else. He chose me. Yeah. Yeah.
Trisha:Yeah.
Henry:He picked me out of the mucky mire and lift me above all the things that I was in.
Trisha:Yeah.
Henry:Yeah.
Trisha:Absolutely.
Henry:He called me by a new name. He gave me a new start, a new heart. I'm so grateful of what he's done.
Trisha:Thank you so much. That's awesome. So how can people learn about you? Let's say they're in the Walnut Creek, California and they want to get their hair done.
Henry:Oh the hair salon?
Trisha:Yeah. How can people find out about you about your hair
Henry:salon? If you want to get ahold of me, H T C A L C A G N O at yahoo. com is a great way to just email me if you have a question you want to connect, and you want to find out what we do. Our team FreedomCenterINTL.Com is a great way to, to start process walking through everything we're walking through. It's another tool that's easy to get to affordable. If you want to make a donation and just gives you access to your identity and empowerment in your life. Cause we all need it. We all need it.
Trisha:Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much. This has been awesome.
Henry:You're very welcome. All
Trisha:right. Bless you all. Thanks for listening. Have a wonderful day. Thank you for listening to Seeds for Your Marriage with hosts, Trisha and Thomas Walker. We pray this episode has given you tips and tools on how to thrive in your marriage. Be sure to subscribe to this podcast and follow us on Facebook and Instagram at Trisha and Thomas. We want to hear from you. Be sure to leave a review and let us know how we're doing. It's our desire that this podcast completely benefits you. So also let us know future marriage topics that you would like to hear about.