How to Script a Joyful Life, with Bestselling Author Jean Meltzer

How many times in life do we completely reinvent ourselves? How different can our life look five years from now by making 2 percent changes?

In this inspiring episode, bestselling author Jean Meltzer shares her unique journey from Emmy-winning TV producer to rabbinical student to bestselling romance author. 

After becoming disabled by myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), Jean had to reimagine her life and find new ways to create meaning and joy, even from her bed.

Jean discusses how she shifted from chasing external goals to living her values, and how focusing on small incremental improvements transformed her life over time. She opens up about the challenges of being a disabled author and the importance of disability representation in fiction.

Through her bestselling novels like The Matzo Ball and Mr. Perfect on Paper, Jean brings a much-needed perspective to the romance genre as both a Jewish and chronically ill writer. 

Jean's story is a powerful reminder that we can face incredible hardship and still find ways to lead joyful, purposeful lives. Her insights on resilience, career pivots, and redefining success will resonate with anyone who has confronted unexpected roadblocks. Jean's message is ultimately one of hope - that no matter where you are today, embracing your authentic self and taking small steps forward can lead to a life beyond your wildest dreams.

You'll learn:

• How 2 percent increments of better can get you where you want to go. 
• Why living your values is a better formula than setting dream goals
• How it's possible to create joy without even leaving your room for the long-term
• The power of the question "where are you?"
• And so much more...

Learn more about Jean:
Jean's Website
Facebook
Instagram
Substack: JeanMeltzer 
TikTok: JeanMeltzer
Threads: JeanMeltzer 

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Music credit: Limitless by Bells

Transcript

Transcript

jessica fein: Welcome. I'm Jessica Fein, and this is the “I Don't Know How You Do It” podcast, where we talk to people whose lives seem unimaginable from the outside and dive into how they're able to do things that look undoable. I'm so glad you're joining me on this journey, and I hope you enjoy the conversation. 

How many times in life do we reinvent ourselves? How different does your life look today than it did five years ago? Today's guest, Jean Meltzer, is undeniable proof that moving in 2 percent increments of better can lead to a completely different path.

Jean studied dramatic writing at NYU Tisch, earned numerous awards for her work in television, including a Daytime Emmy, before spending five years in rabbinical school. She's also chronically disabled. When Jean's illness, myalgic encephalomyelitis chronic fatigue syndrome, caused her to change course yet again, Jean learned to create a life of joy…from her bed.

Today, she's an international and award winning bestselling author of several books, including The Matzo Ball, Mr. Perfect on Paper, and Kissing Kosher. She's also host of the podcast, “Chronically Fabulous” and founder of Jewish Joy LLC and the Jewish Joy Book Club. She has lived most of her life on a part time schedule.

And yes, everybody asks her how she does it. Without further ado, I bring you Jean Meltzer.

Welcome to the show, Jean. 

jean meltzer: Thank you so much for having me. I am thrilled to be here today. 

jessica fein: Well, I'm so thrilled to be talking to you. And I have to say, I have dark circles. I'm a little bit tired this morning because I was up, literally, I woke up at like 1am and usually I look at the clock and I'm like, no, and I was like, okay, time to read.

And I pulled out one [00:02:00] of your books and I was up reading for many, many hours. So I'm so excited to talk to you about your writing and so much else. 

jean meltzer: I appreciate that. I'm so glad you were enjoying. I think the best hangovers in the world are absolutely good book hangovers. 

jessica fein: Yeah, good book hangovers. I love it.

Let's start off by talking about your career path, which is so multifaceted. It is unique. You start off working as a creative director in the entertainment industry. And you go from there to deciding to become a rabbi and pursuing rabbinical studies. So let's start with that. How did you get from point A to point B?

jean meltzer: I think there's probably two things you should know about me growing up. And the first was I was raised in what we would call a conservadox home. So my father was more religious. We were kosher. I was expected to go to shul twice a month, USY, trips to Israel, all of that. However, I was kind of a, always from when I was younger, a bit of iconoclast, and I just, me and my [00:03:00] dad, oil and water, I did not want anything to do with Judaism.

I thought it was antiquated. I was not spiritual. I wanted to be free. I went to public school, too. I need to point this out. I went to public school. So I was really living between two different worlds, two different civilizations. And the secular life, the public school life looked much better to me than, you know, sitting in shul for three hours doing Hebrew prayers I didn't understand with no connection.

The other thing you need to know about me is I've always been a writer. I remember learning my ABCs in preschool, the teacher writing it on the board. I remember penning my first story around kindergarten. And I had an experience in sixth grade where I wrote a short story for a class and my teacher, Mrs.Lakuta, Said to me, this is really good. Do you want to read it to our class? 

And I did. And it became Jean is a writer. They were laughing and I would come in every week with a story that I would read to my class and they would be laughing. They loved it. I was really writing rom coms. I had that [00:04:00] story and it was actually called, you're going to laugh, princess care-a-lot.

A princess who cared about the world and went around and, like, did all these things to help people. And sometimes it would go wrong, but it was about princess care-a-lot. And actually, when I started working in television, I went back to visit my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Lakuta, and she said, Jean, and she pulled out a drawer with a folder, and she had kept all my writings from 20 years before.

jessica fein: That is amazing. 

jean meltzer: And when I published my first book, I sent her a hard copy with a letter thanking her for setting me on the path. So writing was the only thing I was good at. It was my place of freedom. And I was also a Jewish kid who didn't really like being Jewish. So that's the two most things you need to understand.

So about writing, it was the only thing I felt like I was good at. I got a C and D in math in seventh grade that my parents, my Jewish parents, both doctors, would never let me live it down. So, I was like, I really need to figure out to do something with this writing. And I saw a brochure for NYU [00:05:00] Tisch had a Department of Dramatic Writing.

And I was like, I can be a screenwriter, that makes perfect sense. So I spent the night, I wrote monologues, and I wound up getting in Early Decision. And so that sort of school and trajectory led me to start working in television. Now the part of the story I'm leaving out here is that there's a Yiddish saying, man plans and God laughs.

jessica fein: I have the mug on my desk. 

jean meltzer: You have the mug? Okay, so we are bashert. We are soulmates. This is meant to be. So I was 18 and I was very clear who I was going to be. I was going to be a TV producer in Manhattan. I was going to live in a really cool apartment with wood floors and white walls and I was going to buy really expensive pasta from places like Balducci's.

I made a list. Okay, and getting into Tisch, it felt like I am gonna get there, right? I'm doing this. I'm in this amazing program. And then, I started getting sick. I was sitting in my art history class, and all of a sudden, I started [00:06:00] falling asleep. And that was the moment I knew something was wrong. Because I was losing weight, I had always been sort of zaftig.

I was having horrible night sweats and I just would wake up in the morning and I was constantly, constantly fatigued to the point where I couldn't do anything. Lots of doctors, they find swollen lymph nodes and basically get sent home. They think I have non Hodgkin's lymphoma. They do like a full body CAT scan and the doctor comes out and he says, congratulations, you're perfectly healthy.

And I will always remember this moment, I walked to the car with my dad and I burst into tears. I kicked the car door three times and I said, if I am going to feel this way the rest of my life, I don't want to live. 

jessica fein: It's so interesting because we talk to so many people on the show in the rare disease community and this is such a common thing that we hear.

Doctors say you're fine, they can't figure it out, it's a diagnostic odyssey, and you just are so yearning for a diagnosis because presumably if there's a [00:07:00] diagnosis, there's a treatment. 

jean meltzer: Yes. Now, I always couch this story with this part, which was, I was diagnosed in 1998, 1999. And I always say, there's never a good time to be diagnosed with a chronic illness, or what I was eventually diagnosed with, which was MECFS, myalgic encephalomyelitis, chronic fatigue syndrome.

But it was a really bad time in 1998 to be diagnosed with CFS. At the time, a heavy psychosocial debate raged around my disease. On the cover of Time, they called it the yuppie flu. Comedians made jokes about it on the television. What that meant for me as a patient was that I could not get treatment. In school, I couldn't get disability for it.

So I made probably one of the worst decisions of my life at that time. Maybe it was the only decision I could make, which was I made the decision at 18, 19 years old that I was going to hide my diagnosis. 

jessica fein: How did you go from there's no diagnosis, kicking the car door, to a [00:08:00] diagnosis that you choose to hide?

What happened in the interim there? 

jean meltzer: So, thank God, my father was a doctor. And this is a small town in South Jersey. We wind up I don't. We wind up going to a doctor, a different doctor, an oncologist he really respects, and he suggests ME CFS. He says, I've heard of this disease, and she's got these reactivated titers with EBV.

Maybe it's like this disease CFS. And my father did something, shows his love. There was, at the time, I think he still practices, a specialist. There were only like two specialists for CFS in the country at this point. And one was in New York. His name was Dr. Enlander. And my dad called up and he just said this is Dr. Meltzer calling for Dr. Enlander. Now Dr. Enlander as a doctor in Manhattan probably knew one or two Dr. Meltzers. It was not my father. But Dr. Enlander picked up the phone and my dad just went in. He's like my daughter is sick. I need to get her in. And [00:09:00] Dr. Enlander saw me and he did the diagnosis. And so I was different than many other patients like me because I not only have an extreme, very quick onset, but I was able to get that diagnosis within six months.

So the problem was, There's still no treatment. Nobody believes it. You say chronic fatigue syndrome to someone in 1998, you're a malingerer. You're lazy. You're making it up. You want attention. I would literally have doctors. I'd go in for an ear infection, tell them I have CFS. They would look me straight in the eye and say, you don't really believe that, do you?

jessica fein: Oh my goodness.

jean meltzer: Try yoga. And so again, this fear of like, not only am I sick, but no one believes me. And I still need to function in society. I'm going to need to get a job. I can't be public about this. And also keep in mind, we live in a different time nowadays with podcasts and internet and access points.

There was none of that. So I was the only chronically [00:10:00] ill person I knew. There were no models on television. There were no models in my books. So what did I do? I made, like I said, a terrible choice that I am working my whole life now so that the next generation doesn't do. I made a choice, much like my Judaism, it's just going to be something I put to the side.

And I hid it. I hid it by existing on a part time schedule. So I would take part time classes and rest on the weekends. I gave up social life for my career. I never told employers. Every choice I made was about sort of maneuvering the system. chronic illness calculator in my head. If I do X, can I do Y? If I do A, will I be able to do B?

And so that became my reality from when I was 18 years old, all the way through my career in television, where I was very successful, and then eventually the decision to leave television, another whole journey, in order to go study in the rabbinate.

jessica fein: First of all, it's just amazing that you were able, with that kind of [00:11:00] illness, to make it through school and to succeed in such a competitive environment with that kind of career.

jean meltzer: I think I also, and I want to be really clear about this, as a chronically ill and disabled woman, I come from a well to do family. And my family supported me. And had I not had the monetary backing of my parents to make things easier, like ordering a meal instead of cooking it, like living somewhere closer that they could supplement rent or whatever, I would absolutely not have been as successful as I was.

jessica fein: I so appreciate you sharing that. So what then made you say, okay, this Judaism that I have kind of put in a drawer and, you know, shut away somewhere, not only am I going to open the drawer, but I'm going to become a rabbi. How'd you get to that?

jean meltzer: All right, this is a great story. So basically, I am 23, 24 years old.

I have graduated Tisch. I took a job at a television production company. I sell my first format to the Discovery Channel in the first six months. Within a [00:12:00] year, I am nominated for and win an Emmy for the first show I ever wrote for television. I have a staff of 50. I have a wood floor with white walls, an apartment in Manhattan.

I can afford fancy pastas with fancy names from places like Balducci's. And I was utterly unhappy. 

jessica fein: That is not where I expected this to be going. So you're totally unhappy and then what? 

jean meltzer: Totally. So I go home for Rosh Hashanah, I am sitting in services, keep in mind at this point I'm not doing anything.

I'm not kosher, I don't go to services, I don't belong to a synagogue, I have no interest in Judaism. So the rabbi is giving a sermon and it's about Adam and Eve after they eat the forbidden fruit. And they are hiding their nakedness behind the bushes and God says, it's from the Torah, Ayeha. Where are you?

And so the rabbis asked the question, Well, why does God need to ask, Where are they? This is God. He clearly knows where Adam and Eve are. He clearly knows what they've done, and they're hiding behind the bushes. And the point of that question is, ayeha, [00:13:00] where are you? You sitting here today, where are you?

And for me, at that moment, I realized I was completely lost. I had been living my life searching and trying to hit my goals, and what I needed was to live my life for my values. And so in that moment, I made a decision. I was going to live for my values. And that was Judaism, the one I fought my dad on so hard.

All of that, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna try this new thing. And I started going to shul. I started taking Hebrew lessons. I started trying to be more engaged in the community. And I began to feel my sort of well, my soul well, fill up. I went to therapy too, because I was trying to figure out like, Am I supposed to do this?

What's going on? And I take a trip to Israel. I spend a week there. I come back and weirdly, I was locked out of my apartment. And I'll always remember this because the guy helping me to get in, I guess I had lost the keys, was an Israeli. And [00:14:00] we opened the door and he's like, Oh, wow. You have a painting of Jerusalem.

And I like looked around my apartment. I was like, yeah, and he's like, Oh, you've got all these Jewish books. And I realized in that moment what my soul was calling me to. It was right there my answer. I wanted to build my life around the Jewish world and the Jewish people. And so I walked into my company and I quit my job.

And about six months later, I was on a plane to begin the process of studying to become a rabbi. 

jessica fein: I think we could do a whole two hours just on this whole notion. So many of us are chasing our goals and we're trying to get to the next thing and the big job and the 50 people and the fancy pasta and the beautiful curtains.

And we don't pause to say, where am I? We don't say what life could I be leading that will allow me to answer that question by saying, “here I am.” Yes. The fact that you made that turn and that you tuned into that and you found that, and I gotta ask, what did your dad [00:15:00] say? 

jean meltzer: So it was so interesting, you know, my dad had always been very supportive of the writing, which surprised my mom.

My mom was like, she should go to Wellesley or somewhere, you know, more, get an English degree, like this whole arts thing. She's like, she's talented, it will take her where she needs to be. So my dad was very supportive of that. With the Judaism, again, they were a little like, my mom's going, I don't know, this is weird.

I mean, a rabbi. And my dad was like, you can't argue faith. And that was it. 

jessica fein: Wow. So you go off and you're going to become a rabbi. And you study for what, five years to become a rabbi? 

jean meltzer: I do three years in Israel. I do, I think, another few years in JTS. But basically, yeah, I'm about two years away from graduating to become a full fledged rabbi.

And unfortunately, Dun, dun, dun. That disease I had been hiding, I had kept hiding it. So I kept hiding it through my career, through rabbinical school, and, you know, our great sage Oprah once said, “God [00:16:00] sends us messages and at first it's a whisper, right? And then after the whisper, it's a shout. And if you still don't get the message, she's going to send a truck through the front of your house at 2 a.m. in the morning.” 

And so I was progressively getting sicker. I was progressively having difficulty. I was taking more drugs in order to function. I was able to do less. And instead of listening to my body, I just kept saying, no, I'm going to get through this. I'm going to do it. I just wasn't willing to accept that I was chronically ill and disabled. And unfortunately, that decision then became made for me when I just could no longer do it. And I called up my parents, uh, my husband at my side. Tears in my eyes. One of the hardest moments of my life. And I said, I need to drop out of rabbinical school. I am just too sick.

And so, it began a very dark period in my life where literally my life was boiled down to four square walls of a two bedroom apartment in [00:17:00] Virginia. I had lost my career. I was basically in bed. My husband had to wash my hair in the bathtub with a cup. He would leave a tray and my tea on it in the morning.

For two years, I'd always tell people, The highlight of my life. was a half hour trip to the grocery store once or twice a month, and it was a very, very dark time. But it was also a very important time. So chronic illness, chronic disability, I prefer the word chronic disability to tell you the truth, because I think there are chronic illnesses that can be managed with meds.

And while it's still a difficult thing, it's a little bit different than what I call chronic disability, where it is really affecting your ability to function in normal ways. So I prefer the term chronic disabilities. Because that describes much better what I have. And I say, everybody with chronic illness, chronic disability, they go through a moment where it is their darkest place.

And you have to make a choice. And I was sitting there, I look at my husband, I'm gonna cry, I get [00:18:00] emotional. And I said, I have to hold on to my joy, even if the rest of my life is only boiled down to these four square walls, even if I am nothing more than my husband's disabled wife for the rest of my years, I must find a way to be happy with this.

And so, that's exactly what I did. I turned off social media, I turned off the news. I did all these things that I could do from my bed that would give me joy. I started writing letters to Congress and Senate about MECFS, getting involved in advocacy. I got plants. I grew a cucumber on my balcony. This is a true story.

I had been watching a show about extreme couponing on TLC. And I turned those once every month or two grocery trips into these extreme couponing hauls so I could donate to the food banks. 

jessica fein: We just watched a movie about the extreme couponing, which I didn't even know was a thing before that. 

jean meltzer: But the point was, like, [00:19:00] I was figuring out a way to make meaning out of my suffering.

But more than that, like, I was collecting backpacks for school kids from my home. We didn't have a lot of money at this point. We were on one income. This is Northern Virginia. But I was making meaning out of my life. People have a tendency to undervalue the disabled. And if my story, I feel like, shows anything, we undervalue the disabled, right?

Like, I was able to do so much from bed. And this is way before the pandemic. I was able to do so much from bed. from bed. And it gave me meaning. And I began really focusing on my health, focusing on my mental health, finding my worth and my value, removed from all the external crap that society tells you is important.

It did not matter anymore. 

jessica fein: I'm sitting here looking at you and, you know, for people who are listening to this, they might not understand you are beautiful, beautiful woman and it doesn't appear and looking at you like you have any visible disabilities. [00:20:00] And when you then take it to that level, even more so, right, because people just see disability, we are uncomfortable with it.

We don't know what to say, what to do. As the mother of somebody who was so visibly disabled, I really went on my own journey being at the beginning uncomfortable and not knowing what to do and what to say and learning. So the fact that you're speaking up about it is so important. And I do think people want to learn.

They want to know what to do. They want to know what to say. They just don't know how. 

jean meltzer: And I think this is where, you know, I started saying when I was 18, I had no models. I had no models of Jewish women that were in Holocaust stories. I had no models of sick women who were in healthy relationships, or married, or having a career.

So, this idea even, at that point I'm 30, right, so this is like 15 years ago, even the idea that as a chronically ill woman, I could have a career, [00:21:00] that I could do these things, like, I didn't have access points to that. And if you can't see it, you can't dream it for yourself. 

jessica fein: I'm sure that it was not as simple as you're in the room, it's, you know, two years in bed, you go twice a month to the grocery store, and then one day you say, I'm going to choose joy.

How did you get from point A to point B to say, enough, I've got to make a life here? 

jean meltzer: Here's where we get into books and writing books. It really became focusing on my health, increasing joy, making meaning for my life by doing good acts of social justice, human rights work, from bed. And in this process of keeping my brain healthy, keeping my emotions positive, I started reading romance.

It was kind of by accident. I was using Kindle Unlimited because it was the free, you know, why we didn't have a lot of money. And I came across like an indie sort of like vampire story. And I was like, Oh, I haven't read about vampires in a really long time, like since Twilight or interview with vampire. I think I'll read [00:22:00] this book.

It's free. So I started I was like, Oh, cool. And on the second page, for some reason, I could not even understand the author had used a very explicit word for male genitalia. I was like, whoa, and then I was like, you know what? I'm going to keep reading. This is kind of good. And so, like, these, like, sort of romance novellas, these sort of indie romance novellas, which were all about women and their pleasure and joy and not really worried about anybody else, became my sort of, like, in the bathtub at nighttime or, you know, part of my meditative calming down.

And I fell in love with the romance genre. As a nice Jewish girl, we did not have Jewish romance growing up. We had Holocaust books. Exactly. Right. And then, you know, I had always been a writer, and so I kind of went back, you know, I was still like, maybe I can write a book, which I was doing, but I was like, I'm gonna try to write a romance novel.

Listen, I know a lot of people hear my story and they're like, Oh, she was an overnight success. Right. Yeah. Yeah. That is not what happened. I [00:23:00] wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote for 10 years, some indie publishing, self publishing, but I really saw that I had a knack for writing romance. However, I had never thought about writing a Jewish romance or a romance with a chronically ill person until I had an experience with my seven year old niece.

And she was sitting on my lap one day. This girl is super Jewish. She goes to Jewish day school. She's surrounded by strong Jewish women. We're watching, of course, a Christmas movie because we're a nice Jewish family like that. And she looks up at me and she goes, “Aunt Jeannie, you have a big nose. And big noses are ugly.”

And it broke my heart, because one, she's beautiful. But like I said, no one in my family bemoans the size of our nose. No one is ashamed of our Judaism. We do not talk like that. But somehow she had internalized this idea that there was something wrong with the way I, and though I did not want to break it to her, she would eventually look, made me realize that she was also growing up with a type of [00:24:00] story, right? That she had models, that she was seeing her Jewish identity as something that made her less valuable, less good, different, set her apart. And so I sat down to write a book for her and made the Jewish women have prominent noses, but be beautiful and proud.

I made the Jewish men strong and sexy. This was a journey about. Binding out your authenticity, who you are, and as I am writing this book, I see this character in the opening scene in pajamas, with messy hair. She hasn't showered in like three days, and I knew I was writing a chronically disabled character.

But I want to say when I sat down to write The Matzah Ball, I never in a million years thought that book was going to get published. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with it, I mean it was so out there in terms of the content, on shelves, on romance, it was so out there. It was a chronically disabled woman with a disease like CFS that had this orphan disease that people still don't believe.

It was [00:25:00] about a Jewish woman. It was super Jewish because she's a rabbi's daughter, so she knows all the words. You know, it uses words like hevruta, beshert, like it is Jewish because a rabbi's daughter would have a really good Jewish education. And I filled that book with everything I loved and I made it about coming to discover your authentic self and being able to say, I am Jewish.

I am chronically disabled. It's okay. 

jessica fein: What you're doing is so important because the books are immensely readable, right? It's just enjoyable and fun. And we're talking about strong Jewish characters and we're talking about people who have a chronic disability. So the way you're normalizing it and showing them as role models, I mean, the book I was reading last night, we're, we're going through the anxiety and she's making her to do list so she can master her anxiety.

She's got this generalized anxiety disorder and we're learning about this disorder, but it's not front and center in your face. You're sucked into this delicious rom com. 

jean meltzer: Yes, and there's so much [00:26:00] power in being able to see yourself and know you're not alone, but also educating other people on what the reality is.

You know, I think the truth of the matter is, we all just want to be understood. We all just want to be seen, and I've had people tell me, like, when they don't know how to explain what they're going through to someone, they send them my books. And I mean, I'm getting chills. And it's that idea that not only that someone who's Jewish or chronically disabled can have a happy ending, that is the rule of romance, right?

But that you are worthy, you are deserved of a happy ending. Like, this is not a pity love story. This is a story about people seeing us for our full selves. Because disability, like anything we go through, is one part of this beautiful puzzle of who we are. 

jessica fein: And clearly it struck a nerve because the books take off and we have a lot of writers who listen to the show also.

And so I love that you say it was not an overnight success. I was writing and writing and writing, you know, writing for a decade and then [00:27:00] this happened. So what was that like? I mean, what was it like to all of a sudden have this gigantic success? What did that look like? Let us all fantasize about that for a minute.

jean meltzer: This is really how I wrote this book. I knew it was good, but you know, if you're a writer, having a good book does not mean it's marketable for traditional publishing. But I'm on Publisher's Marketplace, and I'm like, huh, I see this agent had just sold a Christmas rom com at auction. We all know in the querying trenches, I was like, I'll send her an email.

I'll never hear back from this woman. You know, whatever. I'm not worried, because again, my value is no longer tied to things. This is very important. I don't really care at this point. I'm happy with where my life is and whatever. It's one email I sent off the cuff thinking I'll never hear back from her. I hear back right away.

Send me the first three chapters. I'm like, all right, I'll send it in. That's cool. Same thing. I'm never going to hear back from her. She's like, send me the whole book. Like, I hear from her an hour later. Send me the whole book. And I'm [00:28:00] like, Oh, I actually haven't written the last chapter. Yeah. So I'm like, Oh, honey, like I was supposed to make dinner.

I was like, type out the last chapter. I did like I know you're not supposed to do don't do this writers. But I mean, whatever. Again, I didn't really care that much at this point. I was just like, it's not gonna happen. You know, Ten years ago, I really tried the author thing and it wasn't good for me. It wasn't good for my health.

That's why I was more in self publishing. I was quiet. I had a pen name and no one will ever find out that pen name because it was for me. It was for me and my joy. But basically, I got an email, me and another agent, we want to meet with you. And about two weeks later, there were four different publishing houses that wanted the matzah ball.

And from there, it sold internationally to, like, multiple territories. It was optioned for films. And all of that is great. All of that is wonderful. But I'll tell you what actually was the best part of that. And there's two parts, I think. The first was before [00:29:00] that moment, I always had to walk into a room, and I felt like I was leaving with one part of my identity.

I was either Jean the Jewish girl, or I was Jean the sick girl, or I would have to hide both somehow, and just avoid problematic questions. But after I knew that Matzo Ball was going to be published, It felt like my soul was at peace because I could finally walk into a room as my full self. 

jessica fein: I mean, that's the ultimate, right?

And it's just how to figure out how to bring your full self, all the disparate pieces together. 

jean meltzer: Write your book, write your story and be open, right? I get multiple emails a day saying beautiful things about what a story has done for them, how it has changed them, that someone had the courage to use a wheelchair, that someone believes they can fall in love, that someone's going to try to write their own book, that they've never seen a Jewish romance heroine, that they've never seen someone with chronic pain, that these books are changing the way people see themselves in their own world.

And so because I found my truth and because I found myself in this situation and because I've always been a woman who lives on my values, I felt very strongly that that is not something to be ignored, that the universe has put me in this position for a reason. And so despite the fact that not all my days are good, that I often function at 30 to 70%, that I have to do most of the work from home, I have been tireless in trying to build these communities, these access points, this knowledge for both [00:31:00] healthy and unhealthy people, for Jews and non Jews, and just for anyone who needs to make meaning in their life from suffering.

jessica fein: And in fact, you have just founded Jewish Joy LLC, which, first of all, I mean, that name is so intriguing. So you got to tell us, what is that all about? 

jean meltzer: So it really began, again, out of a need, right? God is so amazing in this way. He opens doors. So there was no real group online in Facebook, in the Facebook community, that was just for Jewish romance readers or people who really enjoy Jewish romance.

And I'm sure you know, we love all Jewish books and all books. But, you know, there's still a lot of misogyny out there that has even trickled into women's reading groups, where people feel like it's not a safe space to talk about their love of romance books. I can't tell you how many book events I do, or like book clubs, Jewish book clubs, where they're like, Do you have any recommendations for non Holocaust?

So I was like, let's start a group. It will be Jewish women talk about romance books on Facebook. And it was [00:32:00] wildly successful. We have so many people joining and then October 7th happened. And we had another huge influx of Jewish women who were not capable of staying in their own book clubs because they no longer felt safe.

So they were saying to me, Jean, please start a Jewish book club for Jewish joy. They were saying it to me. And I was like, Hold my beer because I don't have a lot of time and I am a sick chick, but I do have this weird, unique skill set where I am a good manager on top of a good artist, right? So I was like, let's do this.

And as it's been growing and developing, I just began to see, you know, Andrew Solomon says, “we give others what we need.” And I think about all those years stuck in my apartment where I felt disconnected from my community where I didn't have this space to be Jewish and it was because I couldn't get to a shul or the shul that was available wasn't a shul that moved me personally.

And so what [00:33:00] Jewish Joy, God willing, will be. is a new type of community for Jewish women and all those who love us that basically allows you to be part of this community through a shared love of books but isn't based on how much money you donate. It isn't based on what shul you go to. Our women stand from nothing to ultra orthodox.

Our logo is a pomegranate on books and the idea is that everything we want to do, whether it's a book, whether it's a Jewish joy box, whether it's a Jewish joy cruise where we do Shabbat events and writing events, Everything is about creating seeds, mostly virtual, but every now and then in person, where you as a Jewish woman can connect to your community, yourself, and God.

Our world is very toxic. It runs on click bait. And if my message is anything, it's hold on to your joy, fight for your joy. There is so much value in joy, because you cannot hate yourself to better. 

jessica fein: You mentioned at the beginning of the conversation those darkest days when you get the [00:34:00] diagnosis, and for you, you had two years.

And so if somebody's listening who's at that point right now, if you were to say to them, okay, here are three ways that you can begin to create meaning, that you can begin to create joy, what advice would you give? 

jean meltzer: The number one advice I can give is first, you are valuable. Jewish tradition teaches that if you are on this planet, it is for a reason.

God wants you here. No matter what you're doing, if you're in bed, if you're disabled, you are here for a reason. The second thing is, Do not give up hope. Your life can change so much in five years. I have been an Emmy award winning television producer, a rabbinical student, a woman confined to her bed, an international best selling author, a founder of her own company.

Your life can change. So much in five years, where you are today, I guarantee you will not be where you are. So do not give up hope, accept the good days, accept the bad days, and remember your life can change. [00:35:00] And finally, I say this all the time, the way I live is in 2 percent increments of better. You might never be able to run a marathon, I will never run a marathon, but how I worked my way out of that hole, emotionally and physically, We're these small increments of better.

And I feel like that's anything you do, writing a book, starting a business, trying to get healthier. You know, I joke with my husband, people often think it's CrossFit or death. I either going to get up and I'm, I'm going to go crazy. And then they crash and burn. Right. Or it's death. It's like, I give up. And the truth about life is that moderate middle ground where you're just moving in these 2 percent increments towards better, whether that's, I'm focusing on my joy today, I'm going to try meditation.

I love meditation. Any of that will improve your life substantially. 

jessica fein: I know what a difference you're making for so many people out there. And I do want to ask you to tell us a little bit about your podcast. 

jean meltzer: Yes, my podcast is called “Chronically Fabulous with Jean Meltzer.” It's a term I've been using [00:36:00] for years and years, and it's a very simple idea.

Basically, we get together with other chronically ill and disabled folks and we talk about life, whether that's parenting, whether that's medicinal cannabis, whether that's getting a career, whether that's, you know, great chronically disabled books. It's literally just a fireside chat with us. Other people like you, where our goal is that you walk out feeling more hopeful and good about where you are, getting sort of out of that healthy binary in your head, that you leave feeling empowered.

And sometimes all that means with feeling empowered is like looking around on a bad day and saying, you know what, let the bad day be bad. 

jessica fein: Thank you. I love that advice. And I think that people listening to you over the course of this conversation can understand how enjoyable your books are. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us today.

I'm just so personally inspired and I feel like what am I going to do today that's going to be 2 percent better. 

jean meltzer: That's it. That's all you got to [00:37:00] do. And then see where it takes you. so much for having me here. Thank you listeners. And thank you really just, I'm, it's been my honor and a pleasure. 

jessica fein: Here are my takeaways from the conversation with Jean.

Number one, 2 percent increments of better can get you where you want to go. Number two, if working towards your goal isn't making you happy, try living your values instead. Number three, you cannot hate yourself to better. Number four, you can create a life of joy and meaning even from your bedroom. And number five, it can be eye opening to think about how you'd respond if someone were to ask, where are you?

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you liked this episode, First of all, check out Jean's books, but also share it with a friend. And please take a second to rate and review the show. It is the single best way we can continue to grow. Have a great day. Talk to you next time.