Episode 009 - Marcy Dunphy

Get ready for a thought-provoking interview with Marcy Dunphy. Marcy is a Board Certified Psychosynthesis Life Coach and former Multi-Million Dollar Business Owner. She remains grounded with foundational tools and techniques that allow guests to leave with key actionable items to implement in their life and business immediately. 

With a background of a 9+ year career in building a multi-million dollar online business, to starting over again, she knows the pains, trials, and struggles each entrepreneur faces. Join Christin as she explores some of this, and much more in this episode of Model the Master!

Transcript

Christin G. Gutierrez (00:00):

Welcome to Model the Master Podcast, brought to you by Increpreneur, where we believe the fastest path to personal and professional growth is to model those who have gone before us. I'm your host, Christin Gutierrez. Today we're speaking with Marcy Dunphy Marcy's, a board certified Psychosynthesis life coach, a master life architect and author of the book, transforming Pain Into Purpose. Welcome to the show, Marcy. All right, Marcy, tell me a little bit about what it is that you do. I know that you do Psychosynthesis. Can you explain to us what that is?

Marcy Dunphy (00:28):

The PSYCHOSYNTHESIS is a combination of both psychology and the wholeness of what it means to be human. So it includes in our soul and self parts. So a lot of the modern day language around that is spirituality. However, psychosynthesis is not aligned with any religion or church. It really includes the whole beingness of a human.

Christin G. Gutierrez (01:04):

Okay, awesome. So how long ago did you get into Psychosynthesis?

Marcy Dunphy (01:11):

I would say for myself personally, I've been in this work without knowing it for the last six or seven years. So as I stepped forward into my own personal healing journey, I was using a lot of these tools in myself with my healer at the time, and I didn't realize what she was using and what her framework was, but it was having a massive impact and effect in my life. And so I would say now it's been two years ago that I took my own personal training in Psychosynthesis and became a certified Psychosynthesis life coach.

Christin G. Gutierrez (01:55):

I see that there's a lot of similarities to neurolinguistic programming. Have you noticed that?

Marcy Dunphy (02:04):

Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, I think all of the different tools and techniques and modalities all really come together in one way or another, and they all have their place and their purpose, and it's really up to the person who chooses to work with a certain modality and they will be called towards whatever is right for them. But yeah, there definitely are a lot of similarities behind different techniques and different healing modalities.

Christin G. Gutierrez (02:40):

Yeah, definitely. I've noticed that a lot of the modalities are very similar, and I think that means you've heard the saying that there's nothing new underneath the sun. Everything's been done before. Everybody's shared their thoughts and their theories and created their programs and their frameworks, and it's kind of like it. It's not necessarily that somebody stole somebody else's idea. It's just I think that great minds think alike, and definitely if it works, people are going to figure that out. 

Marcy Dunphy (03:14):

Yeah, So Psychosynthesis has actually been around since the early 1900s. This is nothing new. Under Italian psychiatrist: Roberto Assagioli,  it’s the work that I studied, and his colleagues were really well known psychologists like Carl Young. So where he deviated and where the work that I do is different is including the whole part of what it means to be human. So typical frameworks really focus on the mind alone and psychology. And so for us being a human in this world, it's just simply not enough anymore. And that's why this framework, this work of Roberto Assagioli is so important in the world that we're living in now, because we really need to pull in those spiritual and those soul aspects to get a greater picture of the human essence. And we also pull in the consciousness of the world around us, the universal consciousness. And that's extremely important because as we're all very well aware now, the world around us really impacts us personally. And so we also pulled that piece into the work as well. And so that's why I'm so passionate about the tools and the framework of Psychosynthesis because we don't just stop at the mind, we include all of these parts.

Christin G. Gutierrez (04:41):

So you said that you've been kind of intuitively doing these things throughout your coaching career, and then you were just certified in the last two years. So how long ago did you start your coaching business?

Marcy Dunphy (04:55):

Which one?

Christin G. Gutierrez (04:57):

 The first one. When did you start being a coach?

Marcy Dunphy (05:02):

I have been a business coach for the last decade, and I worked specifically in market development, sales and marketing. And so I was coaching hundreds of primarily female entrepreneurs in that space. And that's where this work started to become really apparent to me that something more was missing, something more was needed. And that's what really intrigued me in the beginning to dive deep into this more spiritual work versus just business coaching.

Christin G. Gutierrez (05:39):

So you started your coaching business over a decade ago. That's a pretty long time to have been coaching. What would you say has been your greatest win over that decade?

Marcy Dunphy (05:52):

Ooh, that's a great question. My greatest win over that decade, this decade of coaching, has been finding myself and learning who I really am and what is most important to me. And the reason why that's my biggest win is because if I know that that is my truth and I know that it's not what I thought it was, then I know that there are hundreds and thousands of other people out there desiring and searching for and seeking for themselves too.

Christin G. Gutierrez (06:36):

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I love that. Thank you. So if you could choose one thing that you've done right over this past decade while running your coaching business, what would that be?

Marcy Dunphy (06:50):

Pivoting. Stepping up for myself, allowing myself permission to make change. I know that that is extremely difficult to do, and I've done it many times. It's the thing that gets so many people stuck is not being able to make the change that they're so desiring. And so for me to be able to step up and coach and share this work with other women primarily is who I work with. Then I've got to be a model of that. I've got to be an example. And so stepping up, giving myself that permission to start again and to start over from the bottom up in a new coaching practice in a new way was a huge shift for me.

Christin G. Gutierrez (07:47):

I've seen that time and time again with my coaching clients as well. And even in my own life, it's so important to be able to pivot. I think a lot of people kind of somehow attach shame to it. Maybe it's a failure. You failed at what it is that you set out to do, rather than seeing that it's actually a strength. It's having the strength to be able to say, you know what? Maybe it didn't go the way that I originally planned and I need to pivot and go in a different direction. Or maybe it did work for a really long time and it works well, but now it's time to shift and change things in a different direction. And that doesn't mean that we've failed. It just means that we are strong enough and secure enough in knowing what it is that we come, what that we offer, and that what we're able to do. And knowing that we have to trust ourselves, that if it's not working right now, it's okay to pivot. There's no shame in that. And so many times I've seen people just really, really stick to their guns on something that is not working and really refuse to pivot to their own detriment because they just didn't have that flexibility to be able to say, you know what? There's something else for me right now. And they couldn't accept that.

Marcy Dunphy (09:03):

So I think you hit on a couple of really important things, and this is where I start to get to do the work that I do. And what is the thing, what are the ideas, the beliefs? It's more than mindset. What is the embodied version that these people are holding onto that's keeping them stuck? Because it's one thing to be able to have the steps and the guidelines and say, well just pivot. You know, I need to just find the strength and the courage and the self-trust. Well, if you can't actually find that within yourself, then you're staying stuck. You're staying right where you are. So this is the work that I do is going into that space of like, okay, why? What is this gap here? What do you want to do? You know, I need to make a change. So what is in between that's really holding you back? And that's where I get to go in and have some fun with my clients and really dive in deep.

Christin G. Gutierrez (10:05):

That is the fun part.

Marcy Dunphy (10:07):

Yes.

Christin G. Gutierrez (10:07):

Yeah, it absolutely is. It is. And there's always something behind everything, and it's usually not what the client thinks it is. Yeah.

Christin G. Gutierrez (10:18):

So what would You say was your biggest mistake on your business journey?

Marcy Dunphy (10:24):

My biggest mistake would be trying to be someone that I wasn't and placing my personal value, my soul value outside of myself, and thinking that that was what would make me happy is when I had the thing, when I became the title, when I made X amount of money. So really placing that value outside of myself and becoming so misaligned with the truth of who I was was both my biggest regret and my greatest gift because it's the thing that brought me here today. It's the thing that said, okay, mercy, time for a shift, time for a chain. We've got to try a different way because this just isn't it. This just isn't working anymore.

Christin G. Gutierrez (11:23):

Absolutely. And also it was like putting it off at a future date too. I see so many people that just can't be happy in the moment. It's just always waiting for this one day when I have reached this milestone, when I have this much money, when I have this spouse, when I have the children, when I have the car and the home and all the things, then I'll be happy. But the truth is that you reach that milestone and you're not happy because you haven't fixed what was inside of you.

Marcy Dunphy (11:52):

Yeah, and I, it's funny that you bring that up today because I literally just was working with a group of clients on this particular area yesterday, is you're placing the happiness on a future outcome, and really you can only have and be that when you are that person who embodies that right now in this moment.

Christin G. Gutierrez (12:19):

Exactly. Exactly. That hit it right spot on. Exactly. True. You have to be the person now, otherwise you're never going to achieve that goal.So what do you do whenever you feel stuck or overwhelmed, some of the techniques or the things that you do to get yourself out of that stuck or overwhelmed state?

Marcy Dunphy (12:42):

So as a coach and as a guide, I also have my own coaches and guides. And that's really important in this world. If you try to go it on your own, you're not going to go as far. And listen, just because I'm a guide doesn't mean I'm always got it together and perfect. I have my hard days, and so it's really important for me to have the support system around me that I can go to when I'm having a down day or feeling really stuck and not sure how to move forward. So that's a really huge piece. And I have my daily things really, when it comes down to it, when you can start implementing these daily habits, those are the things that can really add up to the change you're desiring to see. So I meditate most days. I get movement every day as much as I can, even if it's for a small walk. And one of the biggest things for me has been able to be outside every day. That's really important for me. And I've noticed the shift to my clients as well, when we can start getting them just outside even for five or 10 minutes every day, the massive impact that makes. And so I'm obviously blessed to live in Mexico and to be able to do that, but even for my clients who live in snowy places, it's important to get outside. So those are just a few of the things.

Christin G. Gutierrez (14:12):

That's so important. A lot of people actually have vitamin D deficiencies. I mean, they're just not going outside. They're not getting enough sun. So just going outside just for a few minutes, like you said, that can really brighten your mood. So yeah, I love all of those suggestions. Definitely. I think that daily habits are so important, and it could be really hard for some people to create new daily habits. So what I found is that habit stacking makes it so much easier for people because they get busy and they get overwhelmed, and it's like, okay. So for me, when I started working out, I had to attach that to something else that I was already doing so that I made that a habit. So it started off, I was very, very sick. I had lupus at the time, and I was actually dying, and I barely had any strength. I couldn't even make it down to the end of our cul-de-sac and back. But I started with just doing a couple of maybe 10 squats every single time I went to the bathroom. And I just started small, but I built that habit stack where it was like, okay, every single time I go to the bathroom, I'm going to do exercises and increase the repetitions and the amounts. And pretty soon I was able to start walking and was walking for up to 90 minutes. And then I wound up going back to the gym. And through changing my lifestyle and my eating habits, I was able to get rid of my lupus, and I'm no longer dying. But yeah, definitely habits are so, so important because they're either going to help you get to where you want to go, or they're going to hold you back from where you want to go.

Marcy Dunphy (15:45):

Absolutely. That's a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing with me.

Christin G. Gutierrez (15:49):

Yeah, thank you. So what's one thing that our listeners could do today that would help them to develop the mindset or the identity that they need to be successful in their business ventures?

Marcy Dunphy (16:01):

I feel that one of the biggest things that your listeners can really start to look at is, is this aligned with who I really am and what I really want? So a lot of times what I recognized in the women that I was working with in business is that they were focusing on a specific outcome or a specific goal based on an outside idea of what they thought they wanted based on outside validation or expectations of them or societal norms. And so as they were working towards that goal in their business, it didn't feel good because it wasn't actually what they wanted. And so as they pushed forward, it was harder and harder and more challenging and more challenging. And so when they got to the goal, when they reached the goal, it didn't feel good anyways. They weren't able to celebrate themselves. They weren't happy with where they were at.

(17:05):

And so one of the audits that your listeners can do is, what are my core values? Truly not what I think my values need to be. Who am I really at the center of who I am? Who am I and what is really important to me? What do I value? And then moving forward, keeping those core values at the center of everything they do. So let me give an example. One of my core values is integrity and being impeccable with my word, one of the four agreements. So every single day I make sure that I am showing up with integrity and being impeccable with my word. So if I say I'm going to do something, I am going to do it. I'm going to show up for the podcast even if I've had a crazy morning.

Christin G. Gutierrez (18:10):

Absolutely.

Marcy Dunphy (18:12):

As we start to implement these small shifts into our lives, into our businesses, you come into alignment with the process of what it is that you are desiring, and it becomes a whole lot more fun and a whole lot more simple as well.

Christin G. Gutierrez (18:33):

Yeah, that is, that's so true. Very, very powerful. Thank you for sharing that. I remember when I'm a serial entrepreneur, there were so many businesses that I started throughout the years, and I never stopped to ask myself, is this something that I want to do? It didn't even occur to me for many years that I would ask myself if it was something that I wanted to do. I analyzed the market, I saw what was missing and what was needed and what I could provide. And that's what led to my decisions on what businesses I would start. And I made a lot of money, but I was never happy, never. And the longer I worked at it, the more miserable I got. And it didn't matter how much money I made, I was willing to give it all up to make so much less if I could just do something that would make me happy.

(19:27):

Yet in the beginning, I found myself right back in that same situation, finding another business that would meet a need, and I wasn't happy. And it took a while for me to realize, sadly, I wish that wasn't my story, but it took me a while to realize that, you know, could have the best idea in the world, but if it's not something that is in alignment with who you are and what you really want, you're not going to be happy doing it. And all the money in the world isn't going to make it worth it.

Marcy Dunphy (19:58):

Absolutely. And I think one of the questions that people come to a lot then is, well, I don't really know what I even want. Well, yeah, of course. You don't know what you want because for so long you've been thinking you want the thing outside of you. And so that's the journey through the coaching that I do is coming back to, okay, what is it that you really want? And I'll give a little treat for your listeners here. Something that I love to do with my clients is if you're struggling with what you want, if you're not really sure what you want, do a hindsight 2020. I have a visualization that I do a guided visualization and meditation, and so I'll give a brief version of that. So go into your life five or 10 years from now, really picture it, really envision it your life five years from now, 10 years from now, where are you? What are you doing? Who are you spending your time with? What do you really love doing every day? What lights you up five or 10 years from now? And then come back and look at the choices that you're in right now in your personal life, in your business life, what needs to change, what needs to shift? And that will start to give you some insight into where you're maybe settling or maybe where you're in misalignment with what you actually want.

Christin G. Gutierrez (21:28):

Yeah, that's very powerful. Very, very powerful. I love that. I love that. Thank you for sharing that exercise with our listeners. So maybe what would you say to our listeners right now who are saying, you know what, I'm working on getting my coaching business going, and I really don't know what to do next. What would you say to them?

Marcy Dunphy (21:53):

Welcome to the club!

Christin G. Gutierrez (21:56):

Take the next step!

Marcy Dunphy (22:00):

Okay. Here, I think what your listeners can really resonate with is wanting to, because I've been there, I'm in it with y'all wanting to be in the end game, wanting to have the amazing clients, the sole clients who are showing up the sold out programs, your hours are fully booked. And what I would encourage and invite in is for you to look at how far you've already come, where you are right now in this moment, and be grateful for where and who you are now, and to really give yourself permission to enjoy this step. Because guess what? You're going to get there no matter what. You will be there. And part of the fun, most of the fun is actually right now in the journey, in the becoming. So be here right now, and if you're in business as a coach for the first time, or maybe you're in business as an entrepreneur for the first time, hire a coach yourself.

(23:13):

Hire someone who has gone before you who has done the things, and really research this. There's a sea of coaches out there. So you've got to make sure that you are really diligent in doing your own personal research. Get on those discovery calls with them and make sure that it's aligned for you and where you are at, and make sure that that energy is on point. When I'm hiring coaches, it's not necessarily just about what their method is or what they offer. That energy, that connection, that resonance needs to be on point. And so I would encourage you as an entrepreneur to always be working with your own coaches as well.

Christin G. Gutierrez (23:56):

Yeah, that's so important. Absolutely. Any successful entrepreneur, I think really has a coach or mentor who helps them and continues to help them, though it's the people who think that, oh, I don't need one, or I'm too busy, or whatever. They just don't go as far.

Marcy Dunphy (24:15):

Yeah, absolutely. You've got to work with people who have gone before and have the support mechanisms in place to guide you along your path and your journey. Because like I said before, right, there will be hard days, there will be times where you don't know what the next step is. Wonderful! Work with someone who does know or who can give you ideas and collaborate with you.

Christin G. Gutierrez (24:39):

I mean, it just makes sense. Do you want to go out and do trial and error and make all of these mistakes yourself, spend a ton of money and a ton of time and a lot of heartache, and go through all of these things on your own and hopefully make it out to the other side? Or do you want to hire a coach or a mentor who can share with you their experience and help circumvent all of that and give you their knowledge compressed decades into days? I mean, honestly, to want to do that experience yourself, it doesn't seem very smart when you look at it that way. And that is actually a form of pride.

Marcy Dunphy (25:18):

Yeah, absolutely. A hundred percent. 

Christin G. Gutierrez (25:22):

So, if you could start all over again with your business journey, what would you do differently?

Marcy Dunphy (25:29):

Absolutely nothing. I wouldn't change a thing. What as much pain and challenge and grief and loss of friendships and mentors and all of the things along the way. I would not change a single thing because it's gotten me exactly where I am right here today, which is a really amazing, wonderful place. And we can't wish for things to be different because they are what they are. Those experiences that shaped you, they made you who you are today. So even if you've had horrendously horrible experiences in your past, you could not be the you that you are today had you not experienced those. Right? So we really can look at that picture of our past differently and harness that inner wisdom and harness those experiences and use them as tools and knowledge to move forward into a future that we desire and shift from “Wow it’s me. I wish that hadn't happened too, I'm so grateful for that experience, and now I'm going to choose again, and now I'm going to choose differently. And that's a powerful place to be. It’s in that I'm going to choose again. 

Christin G. Gutierrez (27:01):

I love that. Thank you so much. Well, I really appreciate you spending some time with us here on Model The Master. It's been absolutely amazing. But before you go, I have one last question for you. Would you rather go somewhere where you knew absolutely no one and you had to start all over from scratch? Or would you rather stay where you knew a lot of people when they knew you, but you'd be really limited in your growth?

Marcy Dunphy (27:29):

I think that's easy for me to say because I've done it already in my life. What was it? The choice to move somewhere where I knew nobody and start fresh. Ground zero, I want to say, because I've done this in moving to Mexico and I moved here very rapidly with my ex-husband and his family nonetheless, and our son. So I want to drop this piece in for your listeners that the uncertainty of not knowing, that fear, that worry, that doubt that you feel when you don't have all of the answers. I would invite you to look at that instead of as a bad thing or a scary thing or a fearful thing. The unknown, the uncertainty is the place where creativity and potential and options can come in. And so as you sit in the unknowing, allow that space to be the creativity that is needed, you need for you to up-level your life and to go where you want to go.

Christin G. Gutierrez (28:50):

I love that. And it's so true. It's so true. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with our listeners today, and I really hope that they take that to heart because that's so powerful.

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