Navigating the ebb and flow of life's commitments, my spouse and I have danced the tender waltz of balancing marriage with the demands of ministry for over three decades. Tune in for a heartfelt journey through the wisdom we've gleaned along the way, where we impart the tools and understanding necessary to cultivate a thriving marriage alongside a fulfilling ministry. We peel back the layers on the dynamics of mutual respect, the biblical tenet of leading your household with grace, and ensuring your children are nurtured despite the pull of spiritual vocations. Through our shared stories, we paint a picture of how ministering starts at home and extends outward, revealing the symbiotic relationship between the two 'M's that must coexist in harmony.
This episode goes beyond merely sharing our experiences—it's about equipping you with the insight to discern when family should take precedence and how to support your spouse's divine purpose without losing sight of your own. We dissect the complex threads that weave together family life with ministry work, emphasizing the crucial balance needed to avoid resentment in children and address potential marital tensions. With an emphasis on intercessory prayer as a powerful tool for confronting imbalances, we guide you through maintaining unity and evading the pitfalls of competition within the sacred covenant of marriage. Join us as we explore the delicate art of living out God's calling without compromising the heartbeat of family.
Navigating the ebb and flow of life's commitments, my spouse and I have danced the tender waltz of balancing marriage with the demands of ministry for over three decades. Tune in for a heartfelt journey through the wisdom we've gleaned along the way, where we impart the tools and understanding necessary to cultivate a thriving marriage alongside a fulfilling ministry. We peel back the layers on the dynamics of mutual respect, the biblical tenet of leading your household with grace, and ensuring your children are nurtured despite the pull of spiritual vocations. Through our shared stories, we paint a picture of how ministering starts at home and extends outward, revealing the symbiotic relationship between the two 'M's that must coexist in harmony.
This episode goes beyond merely sharing our experiences—it's about equipping you with the insight to discern when family should take precedence and how to support your spouse's divine purpose without losing sight of your own. We dissect the complex threads that weave together family life with ministry work, emphasizing the crucial balance needed to avoid resentment in children and address potential marital tensions. With an emphasis on intercessory prayer as a powerful tool for confronting imbalances, we guide you through maintaining unity and evading the pitfalls of competition within the sacred covenant of marriage. Join us as we explore the delicate art of living out God's calling without compromising the heartbeat of family.
Welcome to team wade, where we're giving you tools for a successful marriage. We have a wonderful topic today. You want to tell people what the topic is today.
Speaker 1:
Topic today is we're in this together we are in this together, we're dealing with marriage and ministry, the two m's yes, the two m's marriage and ministry man.
Speaker 2:
We have been in marriage and ministry for over 31 years. Yes so we know a thing or two about a thing or two.
Speaker 1:
That's what you say.
Speaker 2:
Yeah and so. So, in order to make it work, we're going to give you some some tools and some some wisdom on how to make your marriage work and how to make your ministry successful, and having a successful marriage at the same time. You know that's possible, right like you can't have a successful ministry and a successful marriage at the same time. You don't have to forfeit your marriage for your ministry or your ministry for your marriage. Amen, uh, I've seen where a lot of people have forfeited their marriage for the sake of the ministry and vice versa. So, but there is a strategy, there is a plan for you to have successful marriage as well as ministry.
Speaker 1:
Amen.
Speaker 1:
I think sometimes you get people with marriage and ministry finding the proper balance and understanding the proper roles because, we know God has given the roles of the family that the husband is the head of the wife, and so that makes him the head of that family. But what about when they're both in ministry and the wife may have one role that is more authority than the husband has? So you got to still understand uh, it would have to be understood that I can be in authority and under authority at the same time and respect that and so, uh, so if the wife is the lead in the ministry but then she's still married to her husband, there has to be a great maturity and an understanding to know that. I got to still respect my husband, submit to his authority but also walk in the call that God has placed upon my life.
Speaker 2:
That's exactly right. That is so important to understand what the roles are and understand you know that submission in your marriage. You don't have to forsake that just because what God has already instituted for us as wives to submit to our husband just because we are in an authority or in a leadership position in ministry. So it's important to understand that balance. So let's talk about you know when you're in ministry together and you know how do you balance making that marriage work as well as that ministry work.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I mean once again. It goes back to understanding the proper roles of the marriage and having balance in your family life Come on now.
Speaker 1:
And so balancing our family life, making sure that you give each other the proper time, the proper time to that marriage. If there are children involved, the proper time to the children, Because what you don't want is the children to feel like ministry took my parents from me and so by having a proper, balanced life, that children get to live a children's life. I know a lot of times in the old way of living the old saints, you couldn't go to the picture show.
Speaker 2:
You can't go to the movie, did you?
Speaker 1:
hear that the picture show. So some of y'all don't know where the picture show is. That was the movies. They couldn't play sports, they couldn't do any of those things because all of these things were considered sinful and wicked. And so we, we really got to have a true balance, that God want us to live a life, even though we know we got a call upon our life. But one of our first responsibility and ministry is to minister to our family and minister to our spouse.
Speaker 2:
Wait a minute. You got to say that again because you went over that. That just went over so many people's head. One of our first responsibilities.
Speaker 1:
One of our first responsibility as ministry is to be able to minister to our household.
Speaker 2:
So you have a first ministry, oh yeah, which is your household.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, but when you think about 1 Timothy 3, it talks about, if you cannot take care of your house, how can you take care of the house of God? So a lot of people they phenomenal administrating the church, administrating ministry, but they not administrating their own home.
Speaker 2:
Wow.
Speaker 1:
So that is so important. So one of the things that we did our girls were actively involved in ministry with us, but they had a life. They could play sports, they could be a part of different things. Now it's still. It still had to have a righteous standard, but they were able to enjoy having a normal childhood even though we were in ministry and married.
Speaker 2:
And you know that was one of my prayers early on in our marriage. You know you often joke about how I prayed the evangelistic call. Traveling evangelistic call off of him.
Speaker 1:
I got a problem with that Because early on in our marriage.
Speaker 2:
I literally prayed, literally prayed and said, lord, I'm not going to be a single mom and married because my husband, you know, is out saving the world.
Speaker 2:
And then our household is missing him yes, you got to save the world, but at the same time, you got to save your family as well, and so that's one of the things that we oftentimes joke about, and so he had an encounter. You know that it really helped balance him when it comes to ministry, because you're not going to find anybody more passionate about ministry and more passionate about souls and more passionate about saving the world. But there has to be a balance. You all, you don't have to, but there has to be a balance you all, you don't have to forego your family in order to save the world or save souls?
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
You don't have to lose that, I mean, I've done it successfully now for you know, 20-something plus years 30, 31 plus years.
Speaker 2:
Well, we've been married 31.
Speaker 1:
We didn't have it all together those 31 years, so I say 20-something plus years. I was saying doing ministry that long and married.
Speaker 2:
So we've been navigating this thing so we found that healthy balance that you don't have to throw away your family or your ministry, you can have them both.
Speaker 1:
You can have them both.
Speaker 2:
And they both can be successful. So let's talk about moving forward. Let's talk about the importance of being on the same page. Because as a couple, as a married couple, you have to be on the same page. Because as a couple, as a married couple, you have to be on the same page and in in the marriage and in taking care of the family, as well as in the ministry, you have to be on the same page. You have to want the same goals. You have to support one another's uh aspirations as well. So let's talk a little bit about the importance of that.
Speaker 1:
Well, I think, understanding the call of God upon our life, that the gifts and calling come without repentance, and so God gives us our calling. He also give us a responsibility and a leave way to make decisions and a lead way to make decisions. So some seasons of our life are not to be doing everything all over the world without there being a balance. So someone has to be there with the children, and so the wife is the natural nurturer. That's how God created it. But what I've seen is some people, because of the call, they let the call drive them, as opposed to, like what the scripture says, that the spirit of the prophet is subject to the prophet. So, in other words, you can control what drives you from your calling or your ministry gift.
Speaker 2:
Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
So, but some people feel like they they under the devil's power, which what I mean is, when you demon possess, you have no control. Holy Spirit is not like a demon. He don't take over our body and forego our will or any of our choices. A demon-possessed person don't have any choice. The devil just overrun that choice.
Speaker 2:
Because you have people who say I got to do the will of God.
Speaker 1:
I ain't going to stop doing the will of God because I got children, I'm married, I'm this. That no, you have to use wisdom, you have to have strategies, you have to have plans. You got to have timings and seasons of what you're doing and when you're supposed to do. That is so good.
Speaker 2:
So understanding the season that you're in. Listen, let me say this if you have already given God your yes yes then he is going to make sure you perform or you accomplish his perfect will, everything that's written in your book. God is going to make sure that you fulfill everything that he has planned for your life. However, however, he would do it in seasons. See, a lot of times people try to do things all at once.
Speaker 2:
They try to be everything that God has called them to be all at once, and they don't discern you guys don't discern the season that you're in.
Speaker 2:
If you are in a season where you have small children and you have the call of God upon your life, then it is ministry to minister to your children in that season and knowing what the Lord has called you to do, knowing when to pull back, but realizing that God is not going to forfeit his call and plan for your life just because you have to take care of your family and your children.
Speaker 1:
Not at all.
Speaker 2:
So I just want to reiterate that, because I feel like people are thinking that, are thinking that is one or the other, or it's either, or it doesn't have to be, it does not have to be, it can be both, but it is your responsibility to create the balance.
Speaker 1:
It's your responsibility to understand the season that you're in in your life and what needs to be done in that season.
Speaker 2:
It's your responsibility.
Speaker 1:
I love that in in your life and what needs to be done in that season is your responsibility. I love it. I keep saying is your responsibility because a lot of times, people waiting for open, open vision from heaven to be able to do things that you know you need to do yeah, sometimes you need to get some wisdom from somebody absolutely you know I, I have a problem with people.
Speaker 1:
Everything Holy Spirit got to say he don't always have to say he got examples in the earth. He got people you can go to. He got people that can tell you you know, you're out of balance right here, you're doing that wrong, but we're so super spiritual that there has to be an open. The sky got to open up and God got to say things to us, when really there's someone you can go to and they tell you you right now you need to take care of your children. Put that ministry to the side. Let this be a prayer season, let this be a planning season of your ministry. But what happens is, I believe, sometimes the brokenness of people. They try to fill the void of their insecurities, their rejections, whatever those issues are.
Speaker 1:
They try to fill it through ministry, that it validates something in them. That is not why we do ministry. We do ministry because God called us to do that. Ministry is not a void filler in us. It's an obedience to an assignment that God has given us. And I've seen it where broken people use ministry to try to feel something in there. And it's not an obedience to an assignment. You got to get whole. Apart from ministry, ministry can't make you whole. What ministry would do is expose your brokenness to people my lord when you're doing it.
Speaker 1:
They'll get to see all your insecurity. They'll get to receive your see your rejection issue. They'll get to see whatever it is that is broken in you. So get whole. Don't let ministry be what you think is going to make you whole. If I do this, give you validation in people's eyes wow, that is so good.
Speaker 2:
so let me say this whether you are a mother or a father, and you have that calling on your life to do ministry and it's driving you like you feel the burn, that passion. Let me say this it is not the will of, and it's driving you Like you feel the burn, the passion. Let me say this it is not the will of God for you to neglect your children or family.
Speaker 2:
Or wife or husband For the sake of doing the will of God. That's not God. That's not the will of God, because God did not call you. You know, to his business first, before your business has taken care of your family. So let me say it again you need to be there for your children and family, whether you are a wife in ministry or a husband in ministry. Thank God for support systems to help you care for your children while you are doing ministry, systems to help you care for your children while you are doing ministry, but they should not be a substitute for you being present in their lives in their home, in your home, on a regular basis.
Speaker 1:
It's good to have that help.
Speaker 2:
It's great to have a support system, but you're the mother and you're the father. Absolutely so. No one else should be doing the primary raising of your children, the primary person there for their events and for their activities, and things like that. If that is the case, then your life is out of order. Things are out of order. I would say so. Thank God for support, but if you are overly utilizing your support to take care of your children, that's totally out of order.
Speaker 1:
Which you see that happens.
Speaker 2:
You do.
Speaker 1:
Because you get people that have support systems and in the support system the children look into them as if they're the parents.
Speaker 2:
Exactly right.
Speaker 1:
Because you're not being present? And what good would it be if I go save the world and I lose my own children? Wow, my own children don't want to hear my sermon.
Speaker 2:
Wow.
Speaker 1:
My own children don't believe that I am a man of God or believe you a woman of God, because you forsook them, you were not for them in their formative years, in their development years, see, they're going to remember that. They're going to remember that you were there for them.
Speaker 2:
Or you were not there, or you were not there. They're going to remember that as well. There for them or you were not there or you were not there.
Speaker 1:
They don't remember that as well, and what is that going to feel like? So now that can feel like resentment, resentment toward you, and then guess what else? Resentment toward God, because God in ministry took my, my parents, from me, and that's why you know the label they always put on pks, that you know how pk children I. I believe that a lot of that happened is because people in ministry didn't have a proper balance they didn't they didn't allow a normalcy to life to be there yeah and so for us.
Speaker 1:
We weren't going to let there being a supernatural expectation on our children that wasn't on somebody else's children.
Speaker 2:
That's life For me. My husband was called first.
Speaker 1:
Yes.
Speaker 2:
And I never wanted to get in front or get in front of, or be a hindrance to the calling upon his life.
Speaker 2:
That was very important for me. Come on to the calling upon his life to it. That was very important for me. Even though I wanted my husband present, I wanted our family, little family unit, to be there and intact. I never wanted to get in front of or get in the way of him fulfilling the call of God upon his life prior to my calling. You know, to his side, yeah, and so you don't want to do that and you may find yourself, you know, regardless of if they are out of order or not, you just don't be the one that gets in the way of fulfilling them, fulfilling the call of God. God has a way of getting them in order. So when my husband, you know, was doing ministry and gung ho and the Lord was the one that spoke to him through someone else at a conference that you need to balance before you lose your family.
Speaker 1:
God did that.
Speaker 2:
But I never stepped in the way and said I'm going to step in the way and you're not going to do this because you need to be here with my family. I would have found myself to be fighting against the will of God.
Speaker 1:
Exactly.
Speaker 2:
So I felt like I needed to say that for some of you out there who are getting in the way of your spouse fulfilling the will of God, you're being a hindrance to your spouse fulfilling the will of God. You don't want to find yourself to be fighting against God and out of order.
Speaker 1:
So I felt the unction of Holy Spirit to say that.
Speaker 2:
So I never wanted to get in the way, so I was always a support of my husband. So let's talk about that, the importance of being that support for your spouse, because he was always a support of my husband.
Speaker 2:
So let's talk about that the importance of being that support for your spouse, because he was always a support for me as well. So we support one another and we stay unified in the college when we realize that we both have an assignment. We have an assignment together, yeah, for our lives. He has an individual assignment and I have an individual assignment, and yet we're going to fulfill the will, plan and purposes God. So talk about the importance of that.
Speaker 1:
Well, I think the importance of you got to have a strong intercessory ministry, because if your spouse is not balanced and you frustrated, you can't let that frustration bubble over that. You're demanding that they not do the in God's business now and you're telling them they can't obey God because you disgruntled or you upset. And you may be right. You may well be right, but you better know how to handle being right as it comes to the calling of God upon their life, because you want to pray that God would let them see how to get themselves in right standing as far as balancing ministry and family and husband or wife, whichever the roles are, but you don't want to be the one finding yourself fighting between them and their assignment. With God come.
Speaker 2:
Come on, that is so important, it's very important, so you can't be out here saying, well, he ain't got everything together at the house, so I don't respect his ministry.
Speaker 1:
Listen, it does not work like that.
Speaker 2:
I don't respect her ministry. She ain't got everything together at the house. It doesn't work like that. Let the Lord be the one to get them in line.
Speaker 1:
And they need to mature. Lord, be the one to get them in line and they need to mature. They got to mature in natural things and they may have a true passion, true heart, a true desire to please God, but they they're lacking maturity in some areas of their life and marriage and family may be an immature area for them. That they got to grow in Right, but they have an authentic call and an authentic anointing from the Lord to do the calling Amen. So you don't want to be the one downing them and giving them a bad reputation because you're disgruntled. You got to be an intercessor for them. You got to be a wisdom for them, not a naggy fighty fighting against their will because they missing some things.
Speaker 2:
Right, right, Amen. So I hope this has really helped you. It's really important that we don't present a problem and be catty and fighting within our home, all because someone is trying to fulfill the assignment of God on their lives. Be a support to one another. I'm so grateful that you know I have a husband and a leader who sees the call of God on my life and respects it just like I respect the call of God on his life that he believes that you know, male or female.
Speaker 2:
there is a calling and you are supposed to fulfill that assignment.
Speaker 1:
And this is the biggest thing no competition. Because, see, one of the things you got to be careful about is your insecurities create competition.
Speaker 1:
And so what if people responding to your spouse different than they respond to you? Right, and so now you get that spirit of competition that begin to come about. So you got to begin to be real with yourself and take those things to the lord and making sure that everything you do is, whether in word or deed, you're doing it from your heart unto the Lord and not unto man. And you got to have a pure motive. Your motive has to be pure of why you're doing the call and the assignment of God upon your life. And so my wife has a different ministry than I do and people respond to her ministry different. It blesses me to see God, people being blessed by God working through my wife, and my wife is one of the biggest supporters of what my calling is. And so you all have to support each other, pray for each other, believe in each other and not allow the enemy to create division within ministry or in your marriage and family.
Speaker 2:
Amen, that's so good I wanted to talk about, and this is the last thing, but I wanted to talk about the role of a husband and wife, the role of a husband and wife and the wife has been called to ministry or leadership in the ministry and the husband has not been called to that leadership in ministry, because I think people get it mixed up. Because the husband is the head of the household, does that make him the head of the wife's ministry, or how does that work? Can you bring some clarity to that?
Speaker 1:
No, I mean just because if the husband is not called into ministry and the wife is, I mean that don't make him the head over her ministry, but the the the the sticky situation is is is that wife still a wise wife and a submissive wife, that she still know how to honor her husband? So let's bring it over into this space. The husband works for the sanitation department. He has a good job. He makes $60,000 a year. The wife is the president of a bank. She makes a half a million dollars a year. So does that make her greater than him because of her role as the president of a bank and he's working at the sanitation department? No, so ministry just happens to be a role that god has called her to. But if she's a wise wife, she still know how to honor and respect her husband and submit to him and never make him feel like he's inferior to her.
Speaker 2:
Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
So that is going to take a wisdom from that wife because she's operating in herself and how she moves.
Speaker 2:
That would determine what whether there would be a lot of conflict or no conflict that is so good, yeah, and it also takes a very secure husband definitely, to be able to allow their spouse, their wife, to uh operate in a role uh, that's different, and a leadership role of such magnitude.
Speaker 1:
So it takes maturity on both parts. Yes.
Speaker 2:
Amen. Well, god bless you all. We hope that this has blessed you. We pray that you've learned something today that you can apply to your marriage and to your ministry, and Team Wade is going to sign out until next time.
Speaker 1:
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