The Four Voices Impacting Your Life & Business with Jenn Beninger

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In this episode, I'm joined by Jenn Beninger, founder and CEO of Genius Unlocked Coaching Institute. Together, we delve into the concept of the four voices that impact our lives and businesses. Jenn shares her expertise on how to identify and work with these voices to unlock our full potential and live more purposefully.

Key Points:
- Introduction to Jenn and her background in NLP, hypnotherapy, and timeline therapy.
- The four voices, along with detailed explanations of each voice and their roles in our lives.
- Strategies for identifying which voice is speaking and how to respond.
- The importance of intuition and how it differs from the other voices.
- Practical steps to develop and trust your intuition.
- Jenn's personal journey and how she applied these principles to transform her own life.
- Insights into the power of staying IN your comfort zone and working within it to expand your potential.

Free Resource:
Jen offers a free gift of 23 guided meditations designed to help you understand and manage your four voices. These meditations build on each other to deepen your intuition and integrate your conscious and unconscious mind.
https://geniusunlocked.coach/unlocking-your-intuition-challenge/

Connect with Jenn:
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennbeninger
- Website: https://geniusunlocked.coach

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Tried and True with a Dash of Woo, where we blend rock-solid tips with a little bit of magic. I'm Renee Bowen, your host, life and business coach and professional photographer at your service. We are all about getting creative, diving into your business and playing with manifestation over here. So are you ready to get inspired and have some fun? Let's dive in. Welcome back to the show, guys.

Speaker 1: 0:26

I am your host of tried and true with the dash of woo, renee bowen, and today I am joined by jen benninger. She and I have a lot in common. She's got a lot of certifications, and some of them are in some of the modalities that I'm also certified in. We both have a degree in psychology as well, so that's really fun. She's a master trainer in NLP I'm at the practitioner level. She is also certified in timeline therapy and hypnotherapy, as am I, but she is also the founder and CEO of Genius Unlocked Coaching Institute, and she's a board certified coach and mentor striving to transform leaders' personal and professional lives. Leaning on thousands of hours of executive experience, Jen has refined the art of coaching others to tap into their intuition, overcome obstacles and live more purposefully. She combines her expertise in energy work. We're both also certified in Reiki. Communication skills and mindset in order to generate breakthrough results beyond her clients' wildest dreams. Jen's work led her from Fortune 500 corporations to executive positions in the coaching industry, where she's managed coaching teams, designed curriculums, taught business development skills and organized transformative leadership events. Jen's guidance empowers coaches everywhere to unlock their genius and achieve their full potential.

Speaker 1: 1:52

You guys are going to love this conversation. We are talking about the four voices that we all have that impact our lives and our businesses, how to work with them, what they are, how to identify them and how to live your best life to your fullest potential. You're going to want to take notes. Let's dive in. Hey, Jen, welcome to the show. Thanks so much for being here. I'm super excited to chat with you today.

Speaker 2: 2:16

Thank, you, Renee. I am very excited to be here and I'm very excited to have your listeners kind of tune into our conversation today. I'm excited to get to know more about where we're going to go today.

Speaker 1: 2:27

Yeah. So I want to you speak about this, and I don't think it's something that my audience is probably familiar with, or has heard it framed this way at least, and so I really want to sort of dive into this concept of these four voices. Right, you were talking about these four voices that impact your life and your business. So give us a little bit of the 30,000 foot view and let's dig into these four voices.

Speaker 2: 2:56

Love that Absolutely. So we might. We find out that a lot of us have acknowledged these voices in our minds, but we may not have been able to put a label to them and really understood what is their job, what is the purpose, why are they here? So we'll start with the three ones that maybe don't serve you so much. About the, you know the magic bullet to everything, but the three voices that don't really serve you too much, or at least not until I tell you how they can serve you.

Speaker 2: 3:27

Um is your inner critic, your inner child and your inner ego, and so, um, those are the three voices that are. You might have acknowledged them. You might be going oh yeah, jen, I know what you're talking about. It's that little voice that tells me I can't do it, the one that says I'm not good enough, the one that says don't do that, you're, you're going to get hurt. Those type of of little voices are in your mind. So we want to acknowledge them, acknowledge that they have a purpose, learn from them, and that is actually how we're going to quiet them, and we'll talk about that as as we go to the a hundred thousandth of you.

Speaker 2: 4:02

And then, of course, we have our other voice, which is our intuition. So I like to call it the four eyes which I is talking to you. So when you're understanding what's going on in that self-talk, you want to understand which I is talking. Is it your inner critic, your inner ego, your inner child, which we're going to dive in deeper, or is it your intuition? And this is, of course, my favorite topic and a lot of you might be saying well, jen, I have an intuition, I know what my intuition is. That's great. So I'm not I. There's four steps, and I was sharing with Renee earlier. There's four steps to really developing your intuition. So you might be massively intuitive and you might now be able to use those intuition skills that you already have developed and understand how to handle and work with the other three voices. Or some of you were like I don't know what anything that you're, you know I. I'm really excited to hear about how they're all related.

Speaker 2: 4:51

So, those are our four. We call it the four voices and it's the four eyes. So you want to always check with yourself which I is talking to you in your mind when you're making decisions or having conversations or something comes up in your life. So that's the. That's a little bit of an overview.

Speaker 1: 5:06

I love that and I love how you've categorized them, cause, yes, I mean, I think a lot of people might be familiar with the inner saboteur and the inner critic, and you know what I mean. That voice tends to be pretty loud for creatives, I have found for a lot of people, but creatives with very overactive brains and anybody who is sensitive and a little empathic tends to have a little bit stronger and sometimes nastier inner critic. So what can somebody do, then, to identify which of these four voices is currently dominating the decision-making process? Perfect question.

Speaker 2: 5:47

So let me tell you two, two again. I'm gonna do a little bit of comparison. So we'll do like the three voices that don't serve you, and then, of course, your intuition. So the three voices that don't serve you this is the metaphor that I like to use. They're like a bull in a China shop. They like to come in without permission, they get loud. They're like a tantrum. They want to be seen, they want to be heard and they want to be in control. Okay, so they're going to come out of nowhere and they're not going to be quiet.

Speaker 2: 6:13

Now, the difference is with your working, with your intuition. Your intuition is always there and it needs to be called upon, so it's aware that you're willing to listen to what it says. Okay, now there's a. There's a couple of different things. So I remember it same same with what you were just talking about.

Speaker 2: 6:30

When you look at the three voices, my three voices that weren't serving me, my inner critic was also running amok. So let me tell you what each one of their jobs is they're doing, so that will help you identify them. Then I'll tell you how your intuition can support you with that. Is that fair enough? Okay, yeah, so let me start with the inner ego, because that's the one that is mistaken the most, believe it or not. Most people, like you said, can identify their inner critic. They're like, oh, I know what they're telling me to do. So that inner ego is the one that's most misidentified, and some people actually think it's their intuition. So put a little asterisk next to intuition.

Speaker 2: 7:07

If you're taking notes unless you're driving, you can go back. But take little notes next to intuition. It is always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always kind. So that's your first clue. If anything in your self-talk is not kind to you immediately, not your intuition, nope, it's. So then you're going. That's the first clue. So well, and then you can. Then you can go over and figure out which of the other three voices that might be your intuition. This is your little star is always kind and not always gentle, so it will give you that gut punch, right.

Speaker 2: 7:43

Your intuition will give you that. Aha, it'll be like darn it. I think I knew that and it's still kind. So it's not always gentle. So we have it's really fun. We have in our, in our company, our clients, my, my business partner and I we talked about it and we're like it's like getting hit with like a dead fish across your face, right, you're just like right, and then it's great meme where this fish is just jumping out of out of the water and hitting a fisherman over over the face. So we're like, oh my gosh, it's like getting hit with a dead fish. So then to date myself, so now our clients have called our loving fish Wanda after the movie of fish called Wanda. I love it.

Speaker 2: 8:19

So our shorthand, our clients, is like oh my gosh, that was a Wanda moment, which means it was an intuitive, like gut punch, like oh my gosh, like Eureka, like I can't believe I didn't see that before that intuitive hit. I'm not all of them are that way. Some of them are just very much knowings, as you all, as you all know. Your intuition doesn't have to be that Wanda moment and some people mistake that as not your intuition. So your intuition is always kind it. That is not your intuition. So your intuition is always kind, it can come in gentle and it can come in like a Wanda. The other thing is about your intuition that you're going to make a little star note about. It is it will always, always, always take you into your best interest, always. So if you know that you have an intuitive hit and you can learn to trust it and then take inspired action from it, it will always be toward your better self. I know I said I was about the other three voices, but apparently we're going to talk about intuition first, so we'll switch it back here in just a second. I got excited, okay.

Speaker 2: 9:14

So then the other thing about intuition, another thing I want you to make a little star note about is not only is it always kind, there's no judgment. So I think about the other metaphor that I use with your intuition is it's like your GPS. Your car GPS does not judge you. If you made a wrong turn, it doesn't start blaming and shaming you. If you made a left instead of a right, it doesn't blame and shame you. If you miss the off ramp, it doesn't blame or shame you.

Speaker 2: 9:39

If you got lost, what is your GPS do? It just says turn, turn right, turn left, no worries, redirecting, make a U-turn, there's no judgment. So the moment any judgment, blaming, shaming, comes in. It's not your intuition, it's one of the other three voices trying to keep you. When I tell you their jobs, it'll make sense. So those are your notes, for your intuition is, it's kind, not always gentle, doesn't judge, and it's like a GPS and will always lead you in the direction, even though you might be like I don't know. So some people compare fear and anxiety with excitement. So we want to learn to discern those, because it could be in the, you could feel it somatically and it's the same chemicals.

Speaker 2: 10:24

It's the same chemicals, it's the same chemicals. And so we are inner critic, inner child or inner ego. Label it fear and anxiety, because they want to be loud versus your intuition. It's like that's excitement, anticipation. Anticipation is not a negative emotion. Anticipation is that excitement? It's that. What's next? It's the that I want more versus fear and anxiety. That's what we want to discern, so that's our intuition.

Speaker 1: 10:47

So now, as as I said before, let's go talk about the other places.

Speaker 2: 10:50

I got a little excited there. Okay, so your inner ego is defending the identity that you've created up until now. Okay, so what do we mean by that? So, when we come into this world, we are a blank unconscious mind. We are just brilliant and we are as source sees us. Well as we grow up. In some of our as some of our training, even some of the training that Renee and I share together is in some of our training we learn that in those early years, zero to seven I also have a degree in psychology, which, yeah, exactly. So in that zero to seven imprint age, we are given what we call filters. We're giving our values, we're giving our our way of being, we're giving all of our experiences and our life experiences, and what happens is that starts to suppress our true identity because of outside forces. So you've had to defend this new identity that you've created. Okay, because your true identity because of outside forces. So you've had to defend this new identity that you've created. Okay, Because your true identity is what your intuition is wanting you to get back to. So, also in your, in your younger years, is there was some need that didn't get met. Okay, some core root need that didn't get met. So your inner ego is defiant and digs in and is defendant of that identity that you've had to create, because you created that identity in the first place to be safe, to keep you safe, keep you safe. So you've created this new identity.

Speaker 2: 12:20

So for me for me, I was like in corporate America and then I ended up struggling with infertility and so I left and I became a full-time entrepreneur in 2002 and my um well, ex-husband now. I was married to a police officer for 25 years. So part of my challenge leaving that abusive relationship was I had an identity that I was trying to protect as being a cop's wife. I was not going to be another statistic 70% of law enforcement officers get a divorce. I was not going to be that person. So I had built up this identity and I was going to defend it until the time and I and then no, I got divorced at the exact perfect time and looking back, I'm like, oh, I see, I didn't want to be another statistic. My work is amazing. But guess what? I walked into my very first, my very first coaching certification. I don't know if it was your first, renee, but I walked in my very first certification, which was neuro-linguistic programming, my first of 16. And I was like, oh my gosh, I can save my marriage. And instead I saved myself, and it was because I learned some of these tools.

Speaker 2: 13:25

So your inner ego wants to defend the identity that you've created. Because you've created it to be safe. There's nothing wrong with it. So we need to not blame and shame these other three voices. Not at all. Exactly what do you? What are you trying to tell me?

Speaker 2: 13:42

So your three voices are what I. The metaphor I use for them is they're your gas light coming on in your car. It's like hello, there's something to look at. Now, some of us have annoying three voices, and then I relate those to the battery in your smoke detector that goes off at 3 am, where you just want to burn your house down. You want to take the broom and you want to just make it stop. It's 3 am, but that's the metaphor Again, it's just saying hey, in order for you to function, in order for the car to drive, in order for the smoke detectors to do their job, in order for you to listen to your intuition, you deserve to listen to what they have to say.

Speaker 2: 14:20

So if we can look at our three voices as lessons and lights, and the gas light coming on going. Oh, I need to pay attention. Once they feel seen and heard from your intuition, they will quiet. So that's a little divergent, but that's more of like how to classify the three of them. So your inner is is shows up as defiant, it shows up as digging in, shows up I want to be right. It shows up very righteous and again, it serves a purpose. So I'm not going to blame and shame any of you all that have that come out. Mine comes out every once in a while too. It's just more awareness. Okay, so now your inner critic. This is the one that, like you were saying, you probably connect with the most. Your inner critic is fascinating because it knows your current problems. So your inner critic knows how for you to feel like an imposter.

Speaker 2: 15:13

Your inner critic knows how it feels to be alone. Your inner critic knows how to deal with the financial situation that you're in, even if all of those things are shiitake mushrooms, which means what do I say? So I don't know what language you allow on here, but we're growing. I had to say I couldn't say shiitake mushrooms, so how much are you in your shit?

Speaker 2: 15:36

So your inner critic knows your shiitake mushrooms and it knows how to stay in that blender of whatever you want to call it. It knows how to deal with you when you get depressed. It knows how to deal with when money isn't working. It knows how to whatever. You got whatever. And you're all free from all of this, like none. I'm not installing any of this, it's just a way. This is what your inner critic does, is it wants you to know again that you're safe in your current problems. I know how to deal with you.

Speaker 1: 16:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 16:06

So what happens is your intuition is trying to pull you into brilliance and your inner critic is like Nope, because I don't know how to deal with those problems. Because your inner critic isn't realizing that your intuition will never lead you into more problems. But your inner critic is scared. So it's just kind of like but I know how to deal with this. So you know what, if you do that, you're going to get hurt. If you do that, you're going to fail. If you do that, they're going to see that you're an imposter.

Speaker 2: 16:30

What other shiitake mushrooms we're telling ourselves? Our inner critic knows how to deal with your current problems. So your inner ego, what you want to honor, is that you want to honor the identity that you were building and you want to let it know that it's great it doesn't need to protect that identity anymore. It can start bringing up your true identity With your inner critic. You want to acknowledge that it knows that it kept you safe up until this point and you're strong and brave and courageous and decisive and discerned and intuitive and magical and empathetic and compassionate, that you can follow your intuition. So you almost want to give your inner critic a chance to know that you're going to be okay.

Speaker 2: 17:11

So then you've got your inner child. Now, your inner child is where you hold your negative emotions of hurt and betrayal and you're all free from all of this. So again, your inner child. Of course, you're going to be hurt from the ages of zero to seven. It's called life. We didn't come into this world and we didn't choose to be on this planet and have this human experience to live up in euphoria. Then we wouldn't be here. So it's about we made the choice.

Speaker 2: 17:42

Depending on your beliefs, which is where that is for you, whatever your definition of sources is fine by me is that we chose to come experience the human experience and the human experience the end of the line is to acknowledge and to see how source sees us, and your intuition is is the one that's letting you show you. This is how source sees you. To get back to that, so of course, you're going to experience these hurt and betrayal and some of their negative emotions in that zero to seven, which again is your inner child, is trying to, is trying to keep you safe. So again they're, they each have a role of holding you into the identity that you've created. Now the inner child holds the need that wasn't met. So your inner ego is defending the identity that you created because the other identity is suppressed and your inner child has created its defense because it didn't get the need that was met and that we call that your root cause. So I do as we mentioned. The beginning is is we take our I have six, over 16 coaching certifications in different modalities, from unconscious mind to conscious mind, to integration, and it's all about the integration of the conscious and the unconscious mind. So that is what those three voices are doing inside of your head.

Speaker 2: 19:02

So if you find yourself wanting to be right if you're saying to yourself, like I said to myself, I am in the right, that he is wrong for cause I, my, my ex-husband was, was more emotionally, mentally abusive. There was no physical abuse, but it was very emotionally, mentally, and he had addiction. And I didn't blame him. I you know people went off their behaviors, I was just like. This is his coping mechanism for his own inner critic, inner child and inner ego. So I held space for that and my ego would show up and be like and he is wrong to choose the alcohol over me and our girls. That's my ego. That is not my intuition. My intuition was not telling me to blame and shame him and that was my last thing that I had to release for the divorce.

Speaker 2: 19:48

Now, where are you all defending that you are right? If you are feeling that you have to dig in and be right, I would encourage you to look at what does your inner ego really want you to know? Because it's not that you're right, because it's not about being right, exactly Cliche. Would you rather be right or happy? Well, some of us would rather be right, and it's because the inner ego is in charge. Your intuition would rather be happy. So that's why we have to pull it in and get the guidance. Now, again for my inner critic I could not make a decision to save my life because I thought I was going to do everything wrong.

Speaker 1: 20:22

That's what happens a lot with people, right, is that? Especially when that inner critic is so loud? That's when you hear at least I do from people all the time. I know what the answer is. Why can't I get it done Like what, what, that? You know I'm in my own way that kind of stuff, right?

Speaker 2: 20:38

Yeah, because for you to grow, you have to, and now this is another topic. If you want me to come back, we can talk about this. I'm a humongous proponent and stay in your fricking comfort zone. Do not go outside of your comfort zone.

Speaker 1: 20:52

Yeah, so what does that mean? Yeah, let's go into that a little bit.

Speaker 2: 20:55

Oh my gosh, okay, okay, the opposite of what most people hear right, because they people.

Speaker 2: 21:00

this is a thing that, and you know, cause of your work too. I do want to finish the four boys, so I will go into senior comfort zone. Okay, you're putting it on our time. I just want to make sure I respect everybody's time, but that's a whole nother thing. But I'll tell you why.

Speaker 2: 21:10

The way that you can connect and find what's going on with your, with your inner ego, your inner critic and your inner child, is your intuition. Your intuition is the translator, so you can write this down. This is one of the nuggets I didn't tell you before. Your intuition is the triflator, excuse me, between the conscious and the unconscious mind. So you're consciously telling yourself I'm not good enough, I'm a fraud, I am an imposter, I'm not smart enough, I'm going to be. You know, the big more I'm seen, the less I'm going to be respected. What's that?

Speaker 2: 21:44

Other cliche Dogs don't chase parked cars. So if I just stay like a parked car, if I just stay stuck, then no one will poke at me because I don't feel strong enough. So whatever is coming up for you and then, of course, your inner child is, that's the hurt and betrayal. So then, of course, if I just use the story of my divorce. I felt, of course, I felt hurt and betrayed and abandoned because of the alcohol versus me and then. So the way that my intuition supported me in that and then I'll move into the comfort zone is now okay.

Speaker 2: 22:15

I want to preface this because some of you will hear things and take what I'm going to say and go crazy, so I'm going to. So I'm going to preface it with listen to my words, because some of you will hear it and take it down because of your filters, which is totally fine. But hear this. So what I had to understand now I do not take responsibility for his decision to drink. So this is where I get some, some, some feedback, because they're like well, wait, you're not responsible for him drinking.

Speaker 2: 22:42

No, he's responsible for his coping mechanism, which he chose was drinking. Okay, that's not me what, but here's what I did have to take responsibility for and this is what my intuition gave me. This is what quieted my three voices. This is what went went from a high conflict divorce, where I had to have a high conflict mediator, to the end of the divorce where the mediator was like I don't even know who you are because you started as high conflict and you're like my best dream clients ever. And it's because I did this. What I'm about to tell you right now is I took responsibility because I changed the picture.

Speaker 1: 23:25

Yeah, no, I get that, I grew.

Speaker 2: 23:28

He wanted me to stay Cause again. We were together for almost nine years before I got pregnant. We were together a whole. We met 20 and 21 and 22. I didn't have my daughter till I was 30. We were married. We had a home. He was a police officer. I had a career in corporate America. That was the picture that was in his mind. I changed the picture and became a full-time entrepreneur.

Speaker 1: 23:54

Because you know, that's easy right.

Speaker 2: 23:56

That's the best. If you ever want the best personal development, become an entrepreneur.

Speaker 1: 24:00

Seriously.

Speaker 2: 24:01

So I had to take responsibility for changing the picture. So once I took all that back, I stopped blaming and shaming him. I stopped blaming and shaming the alcohol. I stopped blaming and shaming myself. I stopped staying stuck the moment I asked for the divorce. 30 days later, we hit seven figures in our business during a pandemic year.

Speaker 1: 24:21

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:21

Because I asked for the divorce in 2020, in September. Actually, I knew I was getting divorced in October. In September we hit. I asked for it on the 6th and that month we went seven figures in our business. Everything opened up. Every block was gone. When I took what was my responsibility yeah, that's the hardest part. That's what coaching is for, Because you can't see the label from inside the jar. I'm in my shiitake mushrooms. I couldn't see that. I was demanding that he pick me and like how dare you talk to your girls like that? Do you want your? I was blaming and shaming him, which means I was blaming and shaming myself, as we all know what perception is projection is Okay.

Speaker 2: 25:03

So that? So your intuition is the translator. So I am going to offer you all a free gift which will explain this, and then I'll go into. I'll give you a brief on comfort zone.

Speaker 2: 25:15

I will not leave without that, if you guys can hang for a few minutes.

Speaker 2: 25:18

So you want to learn how to understand what your three voices are, what are they trying to tell you and what do you deserve to learn about yourself? And you can't do that on your own, you can't do that in your conscious mind and you can't do that from your three voices. The only way you're going to get those answers is from your intuition. So those of you who are already intuitives I'm hoping you just had an aha, I'm like, oh my gosh, I can take my intuition 20 times deeper and then you can start to discern which voices and how to pull which learnings are important to you, because you're already getting intuitive hits and those of you that are newer on your journey the free gift I have for you is is a series of 23 meditations.

Speaker 2: 25:58

You don't have to do them in 23 days, you just please do them in order, because they build up and they actually develop that intuition and finding your four voices and getting the learnings and getting the releasing. So you don't have to listen to them in 23 days. You can. I would just please listen to them in order, and one of them is specifically how to turn down your four voices. So that's the free gift that I have for everyone. That was what we really talked about, but I'm absolutely going to tell you why you stay in your comfort zone Real quick, before we get into that.

Speaker 1: 26:28

I want to pull up my little highlighter and because what you said a few minutes ago I think will resonate with so many people, especially women. I have a lot of female entrepreneurs in my audience who are creative overthinkers, who try and logic their way out of all of this, which is, you know, the other three voices. So the other thing that you mentioned, though, specifically, was taking responsibility for your changing, basically your evolution, right? You changed the game, I think, is how did you change the picture? I changed the picture, yes, Right. So, which means you grew right. You decided you wanted something different. You decided you wanted more something. Whatever. This happens a lot in marriages.

Speaker 1: 27:13

Now I have been, obviously, you've seen it too.

Speaker 1: 27:16

I've been married for a really, really long time and I can pinpoint at least four times in our marriage that I have incrementally done that my husband has come along right with me.

Speaker 1: 27:29

Now, the thing about it is that that doesn't always happen, and you really, sort of like, highlighted that, and so I hear from women all the time in my coaching this, this sort of thing right here, and I think that if you are listening and you are struggling with that, you are struggling with the blaming, the resentment of all of these things.

Speaker 1: 27:52

Maybe you have evolved or you want something bigger, better. Your intuition is calling you to level up and that may not translate to your partner. I always like to just sort of emphasize that you know there's going to probably be many times in your marriage if you're lucky that you have the opportunity, if you choose to look at it that way and the other person does too, obviously to continuously rework, readjust and sort of fight together for this work together for this marriage. So if you feel like you're in that place, that's really a great place to start. Is what you were talking about, jen is to take responsibility for that and hopefully that will help someone who's listening who might be struggling with that, and hopefully that will help someone who's listening who might be struggling with that because I think that probably a lot of people are.

Speaker 2: 29:02

When you get to that point, all three of your inner voices have come together and united and you're like I can't defend myself to them. And that's the biggest growth of them all, because I didn't know that when I took responsibility that the divorce was going to be there. I took responsibility first, right, and then I went and looked back at all of the clues and so, ladies and gentlemen, or ladies or whoever we're talking, this goes both ways. Yeah, I was stuck in the fear cycle. I stayed in that for probably about eight of the 25 years and I'm four years out, three years out, almost four years out, on the other side and it, yeah, it was that anticipation and if you can continue to go inside and continue with the voices, you will heal at every step of the way.

Speaker 2: 29:58

Like I said, we started with a high conflict mediator that would we'd be in there and then she'd immediately like on zoom rooms, cause it would get that intense, and then, towards the end, she's like invasion, the body snatchers, like what happened. I'm like I stopped those three boys, I stopped listening and I started listening to my intuition Now, he's basically remarried and I have no judgment. He's basically remarried.

Speaker 1: 30:25

Yeah, you are basically. When you're doing that too, you are becoming that neutral observer, because that's what your intuition is Like we were talking about before. There isn't the judgment there, it's it just is, it's like it just is and what was happening is by me fighting it.

Speaker 2: 30:41

So let me go back to what I even tie it back to what I was saying earlier. By you fighting it and I know some of your three voices are going crazy right now I get it. By listening to that you are continuously suppressing the identity that you were here to be and you're continuously not getting that need met. So right now, the fear of whatever their three voices are telling you is overpowering the knowledge that on the other side you start to emerge, you start to get the need met that wasn't met and you start to become into the identity. That source sees you, which I promise you is a gazillion times better than what the other three voices are trying to keep you. They're just trying to know how to deal with the problems and the shit that you're in now.

Speaker 2: 31:28

They don't know what's over here, but your intuition does and remember, it's kind, not always gentle. It's a GPS. It has no judgment. It will always take you to the place. That will be the better side. And when you can learn to understand how your communication comes from your intuition, you learn to trust it and you learn to take the inspired action, you won't need to be in that eight years You'll be able to do it in eight days, eight minutes, eight seconds.

Speaker 2: 31:53

You can shift by going oh, nope, I know, but what do you want to tell me? And inner critic, what do you want to tell me? Okay, I got it, my intuition. What are they saying? What does it mean? What can I do? What are my inspired action steps? So, instead of taking action, action, action, which is what some people are just like, just get into action which we've got time. Now I can lead into the comfort zone. It ties right into that versus taking inspired action, which means it's coming from intuition, knowing that it's taking you in the direction, from intuition, knowing that it's taking you in the direction, even if it's anticipatory or excited, you can go do Okay. So I thank you so much for bringing a point to that. It's super important and I and I and I help a lot of people because I had a lot of guilt and blame and shame when I was going through my divorce, cause I was like, how are my clients going to see it?

Speaker 2: 32:43

Like, well, jen, your work didn't fix your marriage, like so I had a lot of that self-love critic. I was like, well, I thought your work was great. Actually, I had a neighbor, one of his drinking buddies was like well, if your wife's work was so great so I let other people enter my brain. I realized that I was like but we've set ourselves totally free. He was not happy. Now is he still using that coping mechanism?

Speaker 1: 33:11

He is, but that's, that's his choice, that's his decision, yeah.

Speaker 2: 33:15

That's not for me and I now have the life that I want. So I, like I said, I wasn't about healing the marriage, it was healing myself. And we go a lot into the perceptions, projection and creating your outside world from your inside world. A lot of that stuff we do with our coaching as well, like you do. So people can really truly understand that you have choice back. So, by listening to your intuition, you have choice. Listening to the other three voices, you don't. So if you get your power back, you're empowered, you have choices, opportunities, um, creativity. All of that comes from getting choice back and that's why. So, again, I keep leading that, like Jen talked about that comfort zone thing. Okay, I promise, promise, it's going to be a little bit of a science lesson and it'll be fun. Let's do it. We talk about skydiving, okay. So here we go. So I'm going to use fear of heights about skydiving, okay. So here we go. So I'm going to use fear of heights, okay. So, for those of you that are listening, just imagine that I'm holding my, my, my hands like they're around a, like a glass, like a, like a cup. So my hands are in a circle and my fingers are all touching, okay. So those of you that are watching the video, you're like, I see you, okay. So if you're listening, I've just I've got my hand.

Speaker 2: 34:22

So this is your current comfort zone, and 99.9% of the people out there they say a cliche, but they don't understand what they're, what the cliche really means, and so I'm going to tell you what the cliche means and then you can make your choice. Okay. So they say, stay in your comfort zone. So I get what their point is. I mean, go outside your comfort zone. I get that, but they say it without understanding the neurology and what's actually going on in your brain with, like science, when you tell someone to do that. So I'm going to explain it to you and then you can choose what you want to do. Okay, cause I'm giving you choice back. So here's your comfort zone. So the first thing I want you to note, if you're taking notes, is your power, and your problem is inside your comfort zone. So quit trying to go outside your comfort zone to get the power. It's inside.

Speaker 2: 35:07

Okay, so we're going to use fear of heights, right, cause I love skydiving? Okay. So let's just say that, um, sally is afraid of heights and I say, sally, you need to go outside your comfort zone and you're just going to conquer this fear. You're going to willpower it. Oh wait, which voice conquers in his willpower Ego?

Speaker 2: 35:28

Does it serve us? No, okay, we get the learnings, not the thing, okay. So your inner ego, or whatever, and I'm just like, jump out of the airplane, just overcome it. You know, faith over fear, mind over matter. No Language, no Language. No, what you do because this is what happens is the person that's telling Sally to jump out of the airplane is creating. She jumps out of the airplane, she does it. She's created a stronger neurological connection in her synopsis of her brain that she's scared of fricking heights. Yeah, cause here's the deal. She might do it and then she might feel like, oh my God, I did it. The next time she has to go do something, she's just moved it to something else, nope.

Speaker 2: 36:21

So if you think about it, I like to use metaphor. So think about it. Imagine and I'm sure you've seen a movie if you haven't experienced it yourself or a TV show where a truck has driven in a dirt road, where it's been raining right, and it makes a lot of ruts. Okay, so the dirt, so the dirt road. Then it comes back the next day and it's all dry, but then there's two ruts in the road and you can't, you can't turn out of. It takes a lot to get out of that. Well, if someone has, we call that our neurological boundary, okay.

Speaker 2: 36:50

I told you a lesson, but you got it. So it's neurological boundary, has this rut in it, that's fear of heights. Okay, so all you've done by making them jump out of an airplane or make a sales call, you know, just just do it anyway. Make a sales call, um, you know, do. Whatever you need to do is you made that rut deeper. They now they're just spun their wills and it's a neurological boundary has gotten thicker and harder to get over.

Speaker 2: 37:17

Yeah, so this is why you stay in your comfort zone. So here, how about this? And I think y'all will agree, I convert most people. So your power and your problems are in your comfort zone. Why don't we go find out why the frick Sally is scared of heights and deal with that, why the frick Sally is scared of heights and deal with that. So if you go inside the comfort zone and you go, okay, sally, what is going on?

Speaker 2: 37:44

So we do what we call our, our, our processes. We call it root cause coaching. So it combines the conscious mind coaching. It combines international coaching, federation, cognitive behavioral therapy, violent communication, neuro-linguistic programming coaching, all of the conscious mind coaching. So we do all of that. So we get down and we find out what is, what is really the fear of heights. Then we use our unconscious mind coaching, which includes breath work, somatic coaching, hypnotherapy, energy work, huna, all of the things and all the things. So then we find it in the unconscious mind, then we bring it together. It's like a little triangle. We bring it together to the top and we integrate it with our quantum release process, which we get the conscious mind and the unconscious mind understand. We release what it is and guess what, ladies and gentlemen? Her comfort zone now expands and she can choose whether or not she wants to jump out of an airplane, right? So never, ever, ever, ever, go outside of your comfort zone. Find what the challenge is inside, do the process of Well, do the work.

Speaker 1: 39:00

Yeah, look at it Right.

Speaker 2: 39:04

Because I don't have any judgment on whether, like I'm asking Sally to jump out of an airplane, like when somebody says, go outside your comfort zone, they don't understand what they're asking you to do. Neurologically, I want you to understand what they're asking you to do and you can say okay, cool, thank you. And I know what you really mean is find out what's stopping me from doing the thing. Clean it all up in my unconscious mind so that I can then choose to do it, so I can have the results.

Speaker 1: 39:28

Yeah, and feel empowered doing it and not as though you were still outside of that control.

Speaker 2: 39:33

Yeah, because it's absolutely so. You, you deserve to find out what's stopping you the first way, cause I guarantee you, what's stopping you is one of the three voices.

Speaker 1: 39:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:44

It's trying to keep, it's trying to protect an identity that you've already had. It's trying to know the problem, it knows how to deal with the problems that you currently have, or it's trying to not get you emotionally and, of course, physically I don't. I think skydiving is amazing. I just did a talk with Suzanne on Suzanne Evans stage yesterday and she was like Jen, I love you and no way are you and I ever jumping out of an airplane.

Speaker 2: 40:03

I'm like, all right, fair enough, it's just whatever your fear is. If your fear of divorce, then go find, don't go outside your comfort zone and stay in it or just do it without any support is go figure out what's going on, expand your comfort zone and guess what?

Speaker 2: 40:23

The universe and your intuition sometimes even with all of especially those, this audience the universe is divinely programmed to give you exactly what you want and it will lay it all out for you. The more you go outside your comfort zone, the more you're going against your intuition and against the universe. Stay inside, clean up your shiitake mushrooms and expand it and have choice. Do you choose to do this? Do you know? Now the choice of a divorce is positive, not out of necessity, because to me, when I first started, I was like I just want it to stop. I want the mental stuff to stop, I want the emotional stuff to stop. I stopped being two-faced, meaning I'm out here, I'm amazing and at home it's a shit show. I was done, my girls are like what's happening. And then everything else in my life transpired.

Speaker 2: 41:11

Now again, I've helped hundreds and thousands of people. I have helped thousands of people. I have helped thousands of people and I've helped a lot of people understand that their marriage is absolutely the best thing for them and absolutely the thing that they get to move on from. It doesn't matter. I have no attachment. I have zero attachment. All I want is your happiness and your vibration, to be you, following your intuition. I have zero attachment. I'm having fun, I'm going out, I'm doing my thing and if I'm going to ever get remarried, great. If not great, like I don't. I used to freak out about that, I mean in my fifties I'm like I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1: 41:50

Yeah. It's been the best thing ever, because I just let my intuition guide me, and it's that the power of curiosity and what, if you know, living in the possibility is so beautiful. Thank you so much. That is amazing and that resource that you are gifting the listeners is going to be super valuable for them. So you guys, absolutely make sure you download that. I'm going to put all of that information in the show notes for y'all. And if people want to connect with you, where do you like to connect with them best?

Speaker 2: 42:20

So um you. The best social place to find me is on LinkedIn. Um it's name, so um you'll. You'll see it in the name, or it's Jen Benninger with two.

Speaker 2: 42:30

N's Benninger with one. It's kind of funny. Um, I did marry into a name that rhymes. It's kind of fun. I decided to keep it for my daughters, of course, but, yeah, married into a name that rhymes. So LinkedIn is the best place. That's where I post a lot of my teachings and where you can message me and get on calls and do all that fun thing. Of course, we have a website if you're really curious, and what Genius Unlocked does? We are a coaching institute it's geniusunlockedcoach. If you're interested in our in our website. If not, the free gift is just is absolutely.

Speaker 2: 43:01

My gift for you is those meditations. Again, you don't have to listen to them in 23 days, but please listen to them in order at least the first time, and then you go back and find your favorites. They are all guided meditations and they are. They are there to support you in understanding what's going on with those four voices and developing that and getting that choice back, getting that creativity back, getting that curiosity back. That's all what it's based on and it's absolutely my pleasure to have hung out with you, no matter when you're listening to this. I love podcasting, right, renee? They stay on the internet forever, so who knows when you're actually listening to this or watching this. It's just been an absolute pleasure, so thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 43:41

Thank you, thank you, thank you. This was awesome. So many good takeaways in this episode. I hope you are able to go back and listen. If you didn't have a chance to really sort of integrate everything that we were talking about, maybe bookmark this and go back and listen later. Maybe you took notes and maybe you can go back and look at those as well. I really hope that one of the takeaways is that you learn to discern and listen to your intuition, and you know, jen and I both are very passionate about wanting other people and wanting to help other people live in their fullest and highest potential to help other people live in their fullest and highest potential. So this was just a little snippet of how you can embark upon that journey, and I know that her meditations that you guys are going to get for free in the show notes are going to be really super helpful for y'all. So definitely download those, and I'd love to hear any of your other takeaways as well, and I'd love to hear any of your other takeaways as well.

Speaker 1: 44:38

I don't know if any of you have really heard about these four voices before. Maybe we've spoken about them in different ways and framed them in different ways, but a lot of the things that I speak about on this podcast are right in line with all of that, and I'm very much a proponent of looking at having the awareness okay, what is actually going on, especially in terms of that comfort zone? Yes, we want to grow and we want to stretch, but you have to feel empowered to be able to do that. And if you're just sort of blindly taking action because you know you want to sort of desensitize yourself to something, like she said, that can actually cause a deeper neural pathway, and so we want to really be paying attention to the intention behind all of the action that we're taking that inspired action and really looking at that root cause, looking deeper, going. Okay, what is there for me? Why is this coming up? Why is this a trigger for me? Why am I defending this? Why do I feel so cynical? Why do I feel so resentful? Whatever it might be, there's a lesson in there. There's definitely some gold in that if you choose to look deeper.

Speaker 1: 45:58

So I hope you do, and I'm here to support you along the way as you do. Just reach out if you need any help whatsoever. I am a phone call away if you want to grab a call with me and see if we would be aligned to work together. That link is below for you. If you're a photographer and you're looking for an amazing and, you know, transformative experience that is not going to break your bank, you got to look at Elevate because it is very accessible and you get a ton, including coaching with me. All those links are for you below and I hope to see you guys next week right here. So hit me up on Instagram, let me know what you guys thought about this episode. You can go to ratethispodcastcom to show us some love. That is so, so helpful for us, by the way, and I appreciate you all. So have a great week. I love you. Bye.