What's on Your Bookshelf?
“What’s On Your Bookshelf” is a personal and professional growth podcast exploring the intersections of passion, potential, and purpose - featuring multi-certified coach and leadership development consultant Denise R. Russo alongside Andy Hughes, Scott Miller, and Samantha Powell.
What's on Your Bookshelf?
69 - Solve for Happy - Chapter 9 - Is It True? Part 3
Discover the secret to a happier life as Mo Gawdat unveils the intriguing role our memories play in shaping our joy. This week, Samantha and Denise plunge into the powerful teachings from "Solve for Happy," discussing how our past experiences are more than mere events; they're colored by our emotions and thoughts, influencing our present happiness. They navigate the complexities of how individuals can recall the same moment differently and the profound impact this understanding has on our ability to process the past and nurture contentment.
This episode takes a hard look at the labels we assign to our experiences and ourselves. Exploring the subtleties beyond the simplistic 'good' or 'bad', they unlock how these tags can distort our reality and hinder happiness. By sharing insights from Mo and his son's life, they highlight the transformative power of living without labels, as it relates to everything from thrill-seeking adventures to the roles we play in life, such as being a parent.
In their final discussion, they celebrate the brave souls who've challenged their emotional hurdles and dared to confront the blind spots blocking their path to fulfillment. Through stories of career transitions and newfound passions, like authoring a book, they reveal how combating fear and challenging our brain's instinct to protect us can lead to incredible breakthroughs. Join Denise and Sam for an episode that's not just an exploration—it's a guide to rediscovering the joy in your journey.
Additional Resources:
Order: Solve for Happy
The How of Happiness website
The Passion Planner
Passion Planner discount code: RWRD.IO/EFWYE73?C
Denise Russo's Website
www.schoolofthoughts.net
Denise Russo's Forbes Articles
Forbes Article Link
Samantha Powell's Website and Blog
Lead The Game
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Welcome to what's on your Bookshelf, with your hosts Denise Russo and Samantha Powell.
Speaker 2:Hi everybody. Welcome back to another episode of what's on your Bookshelf. This is a life and leadership podcast where we are living out loud the pages of the books that are on our shelves or, in our case, off the shelves because we're reading the books, living out loud the books and sharing our stories with you. My name is Denise Russo and I'm here today with my friend and co-host, sam Powell. We are in the middle of a book called Solve for Happy by Mo Gaudet. Mo was the former chief business officer at Google, and so I'm looking forward to this. This is the third episode in this part of the book, so there's a lot of content for us to go through today, but so excited to be able to share what we're learning and what we're living with you today. Sam, how are you doing today? I'm good.
Speaker 1:I'm excited to wrap up the seven blind spots. We talked about kind of the setup for this chapter, which I think we spent a whole episode on that, which was. We talked about kind of the setup for this chapter, which I think we spent a whole episode on that, which was really important to kind of understand and contextualize how to go into these. And then we spent the last episode talking about three of the seven blind spots. So today we'll finish up the last four and so this is part of the happiness model that he puts together in the book. So it's bust the six grand illusions which we talked about weeks ago, fix the seven blind spots, which is what we're in now, and then after this, so next week and beyond, we'll talk about hang on to the five ultimate truths. So today we are starting with the fourth of the seven blind spots with, which is memories, which I thought was interesting as a blind spot. What did you think when you read this part?
Speaker 2:I liked this one because, well, first of all, I don't know, I'm older than you, so the first thing that came to my mind is the Barbra Streisand song did not.
Speaker 1:That didn't come to my mind. But now, it is.
Speaker 2:I will not attempt to sing it, by the way, but you know she talks about how memories are just these things that take up a corner space in her mind, and so this chapter, I thought, was super interesting, or this part of the chapter was interesting, because we're talking about what makes us happy, how do we solve for happy, what are the things that bring us happiness?
Speaker 2:And yet in this section on memory, it's talking about how we have perceptions of things from our past, perceptions meaning you can't possibly remember the entire story of somewhere you were, what you did, who you were with, every minute of every day, of everything in your life, but somewhere in your brain that stuff is actually stored there, and so what I got out of this was just about how, when we're thinking of things that either were what we would say, what we would call bad or good even though we've talked in past episodes about there's no such thing as bad or good, there just is, and so. But if you call something bad or good, it's in your memory. That's just that little piece of a snapshot of that thing in time, these archives. And so Mo talks about how memories are just archives of our past events, of what has actually happened. But in reality, memories are nothing more than descriptions of what we think happened. So for me, that was the part of this chapter that stuck out for me. How about for you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it made me think of, like, when I'm reminiscing with friends about college or when I'm, you know, reminiscing with people you know family members, about.
Speaker 1:You know things in the past or a childhood or whatever, and it's like where somebody brings something up that you totally forgot about, or they bring something up and you're like that's not what happened, but like the person is just as convinced as you are that their alternate reality is what happened.
Speaker 1:And you know, if you really think about it, right, that you know you think about all the perception that goes into any event, right, you and me sitting here, you and I are perceiving this differently, based on everything that's happening to us in this moment, around this moment, in the last day that's coming up, all that good stuff, and it different, right, you and I will remember this a little bit differently, even though we're living it right now. It's being recorded, right, it's all that sort of good stuff, but you know, as you get farther and farther away from the time that things happen, those like, right, you're it kind of whittles down into just what you think happened. Right, just what you think I remember I've gotten in arguments with, like, family members, especially like your, I think, like your parents, right Like your parents, remember your childhood differently than you remember your childhood.
Speaker 1:Right. And so it's like you know this is what happened. And they're like that's not what happened. And you know, I do this with my son all the time. He's like you know he'll go some dramatic, like you always do this, and I'm like here's 12 examples, when I didn't do that yesterday.
Speaker 1:Right, but it's just this. You know our emotions, our thought process is getting away, so this I thought this was interesting, as this being something you had to bust right, something you really had to think about is that your memories are not the facts that you think they are, and when you're looking back, really remembering that and giving yourself, I think, some grace and some space to know that maybe what you remember isn't exactly what happened and that's you know. That's important, I think, as you're trying to process things and move forward and, you know, reconcile that in your current state.
Speaker 2:I was talking to somebody recently, while we were having a coaching session, and this person was my client and they were experiencing going through some tremendous and dramatic change in their career and when, as we were talking, the person was sharing about everything they hated about their job, which I'm sure that you, with your clients, sam, are facing a lot of those similar kinds of conversations nowadays, it seems and so we took a moment to pause and I would ask the person if they could remember the day they got offered the job and I've done that with clients in the past, and I've done it even with myself, especially in times that are challenging or times that are not so happy and by the end of that recollection of the memory that that this person had that little snapshot in time of that time when they were hired and the contrast of the time that they were in, in that moment of feeling such disdain for the place they worked, it was a complete opposite experience.
Speaker 2:And so I think that the result of that conversation was that exactly what he said here is that your memories are just a record of what you think has happened, but maybe not always the truth. Like, did they always hate the job? Do they what changed? And so I think that in career coaching and executive or business coaching, that's the key is that if you are not happy at your job, what changed? Did you change? Did the job change? Did the people around you change what changed? And if that change became incongruent with where you want to go in life, then you have a choice right no-transcript.
Speaker 1:You excited about when you accepted, when you started on this journey, because yeah, that's, I have that conversation a lot with, with clients.
Speaker 2:I don't know if it was last week, Sam, but we were talking about something around the statistics of how long it takes for your brain to register something positive versus how quickly your brain registers something negative. And if you can intentionally cement the positive thoughts, they'll go on the forefront of those superhighways in your brain. And some of it has to do with the way we label things, and that's the next part of the chapter. So the author talks about these things where you label something that becomes your reality, like today in Florida, Florida. If I said I live in Florida, okay, we'll do it like this I live in Florida. What's the first thing you think of when I say that Sunshine? Sunshine, that's what most people think. It's the sunshine state, Right, but today outside my window it is windy, it is dark and gray, which it rarely is, and we have a little glitch in the podcast.
Speaker 2:It could be tornado warnings, but the point is is there's labels we put on things that either sound positive or that sound negative? I love to say I live in Florida, the sunshine state, the happiest place on earth, my other place, down the street where I like to visit a lot, and yet those labels, again, are not really all of the truth, again are not really all of the truth. So what is it about? Labels that create our disconnect to happiness? So what did you think about this part of the chapter?
Speaker 1:I thought this was really interesting because he says that our brains judge and label everything, then turn the results of such analysis into short codes by removing the context and details. Right, so it's like you know, if you went, I don't know, on a zip line or whatever and you were scared out of your mind while you did it, your brain's going to turn that into just a bad label. Right, Like that was bad, that was scary, that was whatever. Right, Like negative label. And so when you think of zip lining, you're going to think of negative. But in reality there were probably moments where, like, you went through with it, you did the experience, like there were probably things that were good and bad and there's a lot of context around that. And you're like the only reason I'm labeling it negative is because at the end actually threw up right.
Speaker 1:But actually while I was doing it, it was a lot of fun, right? Or maybe, hey, I take like some Dramamine next time. I'm fine, you know, doing it or whatever. But the way that our brain works is so interesting and it's.
Speaker 1:We're constantly trying to catalog things right, put things into boxes, label things, so that our brain doesn't have to work as hard next time, right, it's like we don't have to think about right Again, back to that survival mode. Is this dangerous? Is this safe right? Is this dangerous? Is this safe right? Is this a good thing? Is this a bad thing?
Speaker 1:And so we have to think about those labels and think about the fact that they've removed the context for us. They've removed all of the like, beautiful, messy details of you know that, whatever situation is because our brain's just trying to shortcut. And so when we think about things and when we think about those labels that we apply to thing, it really inhibits our ability, he says, to be in touch with the truth, right, and that inhibits our ability to solve for happy at the end of the day. And so knowing that we create these, our brains create these shortcuts, I think is just a really interesting thing to draw some awareness to, because I, because I think it'll help you really analyze back, like, do I really hate ziplining, or was there just a part of it that overrode everything? And so therefore I labeled it as something else?
Speaker 2:I wonder if some of this as well has to do with the labels that we put on ourselves or that we think other people put on us, because what was interesting in this part of the chapter was Mo.
Speaker 2:The book was written in honor of his son who died, so if you haven't been following along in the podcast so far, this book is sort of a memoriam to his son, who was in his 20s when he passed away suddenly by an accident in the hospital, and in this chapter he talks about how his son never lived his life with labels, didn't put labels on himself and didn't accept the labels that other people put onto him that weren't positive labels for one reason or the other, and so what I thought was so beautiful about it is that the lessons that Mo has learned throughout the time he did have with his son for those 21 years were the lessons that taught him how to solve for happy, because this solution came from him.
Speaker 2:Looking back on, so, the memories of his son, the lessons he learned, like not labeling something positive or negative, and then going into the future of wanting to live his life out loud, the way he saw his son live. So isn't interesting that some of what he's saying. Was it all true? Was it not true? What happened in the past?
Speaker 1:he held on to all the positive things that were the past of his life, his son's life, yeah and I think you're on to an interesting concept right about the labels that we give ourselves, because a lot of times I mean that's what I ended up working through with people and coaching a lot, right Like what labels have you? You and I did this when we ran our retreat last year. We, you know, walk people through thinking about what are the labels that they've applied to themselves, what are the roles that they've applied to themselves, and how does that affect how they show up to their life?
Speaker 1:right Like and those are things like I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm a mother, I'm a spouse, I'm you know, I'm all of these things, and what do those mean for me? Too, right, and again, like, those labels have something to them but they remove the context of what all of that is. And sometimes we lean into some of these labels too much, to where they become our whole identity. Right, I see this a lot with moms, right, we become mom, and mom is everything, when it's in reality one piece, one. You know it might be a take up a lot of time in my life but, like, as me as a whole person, it's really not that big of a piece. I'm a lot of things.
Speaker 1:Mom is one of those labels that I apply to myself, but again, like, if you're missing the context of all of that, you know all of the bits and pieces, all of that richness you lose out on what that is. And again, the content the label of mom might mean something different to me than it does to the next person. And the next person and you know those things are, they can get in our way because we simplify them down into something like I'm mom, Mom is good, right, Mom is mom, does this? Mom is sacrifice. Mom is whatever right Like. What is that label to to you and how does that affect how you show up in your, in your?
Speaker 2:day. Yeah, yeah, I'm seeing a lot of people lately getting stuck on the label that they're called at their jobs, especially for people that are feeling dissatisfied in their jobs or that were recently laid off from their jobs, because the label that they carry on their name tag, if you will is the brand of where they work and the title that that company gave them. That equates to whatever their pay is that they get on Friday. And for a lot of people it's really challenging when they hold on so tightly to that label that they can't let it go to go find happiness. And you're right.
Speaker 2:When I think back to our retreat, we had clients come to our retreat that were exploring their passions in life, that wanted to uplift their potential and learn new things and that really wanted to pursue a life of purpose and meaning. And in every case, each person started that retreat with a label and in fact, if you said, introduce yourself. This happens a lot in networking, doesn't it? And you could probably speak better to this than me because you're like the new master networker. But if you go to an event and somebody says, tell us your name and a little bit about yourself, what's the first thing that people normally do?
Speaker 1:I'm Sam, I'm a leadership and career coach, right, like it's the label that you give yourself in your job and we equate that what we do to who we are. When you know, if you really wanted to get to know me, it should be like I don't know, I'm Sam, I'm, you know, I think I'm funny, I'm kind, I, you know I care about other people. I'm interested in your story like tell me more about you. Like that's more accurate if you get down to you know who I am. But we don't. Nobody ever introduces themselves like that. We take, we pull the label every time.
Speaker 2:You're absolutely right and then what, I wonder, sam, is the emotion that's attached to that when you get um, untethered from that label or maybe disjointed from that. So now you have this, this label of Hi, I'm Sam, I'm Denise, I'm a blank, I'm a title, and now that title doesn't exist anymore. And what are the emotions that that brings up for you as you live in this new world that's unexplored yet? Sometimes it's frightening for people because they want to hold on to something that's no longer.
Speaker 1:Exactly exactly, and that's what I spend a lot of time with clients on this, specifically, because we get so afraid to let go of these labels that we've given ourselves because it feels like, oh, I'm abandoning all of the work I've puters to the right here. Then it feels like I'm abandoning, and so, you know, we spend a lot of time people like exploring what are you beyond that? What is that deeper Like? What did that give you Right? What did being a director of whatever give you the experience, the skills, what does that look like? Who are you because of that? And then how do you label that into this new path that you want to go?
Speaker 1:And it's one of my favorite, favorite favorite journeys to go on with somebody, because watching someone let go of these labels and watching somebody let go of this thing that they were so emotionally attached to and turn it into the thing that they really actually want is is incredible, right, it's just, it's so fun and you see this too with people like it's just so fun to watch somebody do that and to see how amazing they are and how worthwhile this experience yeah, you know, that is life really has been for them and what they can do with it from here on out.
Speaker 2:I have a client I'm working with right now who has a label at his job and has had that same kind of label for many years like 10 or plus years in this one particular title, and in the conversation, the person is dissatisfied in what they're doing. Things have changed, leadership has changed, the culture has changed. There's just a lot of change that's making this, this emotional state, rise. In the course of our conversations, it so turns out that this person started just casually talking about wanting to pursue happiness, mainly because they're listening to these shows and reading the books that we have, because they're listening to these shows and reading the books that we have. And so, in the course of our second session together, it became evident that this person has the capacity, the wherewithal, the knowledge and the energy to write a book.
Speaker 2:So this is something that the person never thought about doing, and what turned out, from the beginning of the session, to be a negative emotion around the what ifs, the what if questions. Well, what if I lose my job? What if I can't find another job? Well, really, first of all, what is the likelihood of you never finding another job for the whole rest of your life? It's pretty unlikely and we can't predict if we will or we won't lose our jobs in life. In fact, you and I could not predict when that happened, when our job lost us. But the point is is that the emotion that came up for this person when they started exploring this idea of wow, what is possible?
Speaker 2:he got so excited, sam, that by the next session he had already written out the full outline for the book, started writing the first chapter of the book, and this was not in his conscious mind to do until he sought out those places in his heart to let go of one label, maybe create the beginnings of a new label, but also untie himself to negative emotions so we can elevate the positive ones. It was a beautiful session. I'm so excited for this person and I can't wait until we can say what the book is for.
Speaker 1:yeah, uh-huh, yeah oh, that's so exciting, you know, and I just I love that. That. You know that when you can work through that and get to that state of I didn't even know I was capable of this or I didn't even know this was sitting there like that's just some magic that, you know is is really amazing to me. But yeah, you're right, the emotions, and that's the next one of these, it's the what. The sixth of the seven here and I thought this was this was interesting. Right, because you and I've talked a lot about emotions over all of these, all of these books. Right, because emotions are so prevalent.
Speaker 1:But I love, I love what he says right at the beginning of the section. He says well, most of our decisions are ideally driven by logic, most of our actions are actually driven by emotion, and that is the sentence I could never articulate in my life. But that is like to me it's absolutely a truth, right, like we want to think, we're so logical, we do sit down and we think about, okay, we're going to decide this, but when the rubber meets the road, it's our emotions, you know, it's like I'm trusting my gut, you're trusting you're like, right, you're leaning into how you're feeling about that right, like that's really what it comes down to, and you know the emotions. I think that's. This is interesting, right, because these are the things we're supposed to be busting here. Right is emotions and I don't know I this was a. This was an interesting little part for me.
Speaker 2:Well, I think this is a really good part for people to dive deeper into what they're thinking and what they're feeling, and I know we're short on time today, so let's just touch a little bit on exaggeration, which is when we magnify the emotions that we have. It made me think about a time I was coaching a person who was all my stories feel the same. They weren't connecting with their leader, they didn't feel like the work they were doing mattered. They didn't feel like they mattered. And we went weeks and weeks, if not months I think I was with this particular client for really quite a long time, sam where they just were exaggerating the negative emotions of what they were experiencing, but they weren't willing to do anything about it. And so it got to the point where this person decided to stop coaching or stop having coaching.
Speaker 2:And about a year later I touched base with the person and I just said hey, you know what you were on my mind and I'm just curious where are you now and what are you doing? And I'm really excited to hear about where you may have headed. And don't you know that that person? Because of the exaggeration of the fear of leaving a role, they were still stuck and the response the person gave me was the same story. Sam was so sad. It was a story of I'm still where I am, I still hate it, I have health issues, I'm unhappy at home because I'm unhappy at work, and I felt so bad for the person because they were sitting in this sense of allowing their brain to basically tell them something that wasn't true about the possibilities of getting out of a bad situation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I thought that was so interesting, right, that he talks about exaggeration really coming from again that place of, like, safety, right, like again to this situation you're talking about. Right, like again it's to this situation you're talking about, right, like, oh, the unknown is unsafe, and so you're, you know, going to exaggerate that it's hard, you know, we shouldn't be making that change, right? And so when we think about these exaggerations, it's our, our brain's, way of trying to protect us right In in a world that we don't live in anymore. We're not out hunting and, you know, threatened by tigers and all that sort of good stuff, typically, um. And so it's your brain's way of saying, hey, you're not paying attention to this, so I'm going to exaggerate the negative things because I'm worried about, I'm scared of, this potential threat that could be out there. And I see this. I see people stuck for years and years and years. Right, they know they're not happy, they know they don't want to be in the situation that they're in, but they exaggerate how bad something could be elsewhere. Right, Like the grass is not greener, the grass could be way worse. And so they never make the move because of these exaggerated and they're not true.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, right, it's like, and that's you know the really, the breakdown that we work through a lot is, well, what's the worst case scenario? Right, what could happen? Right, let's, let's think about that. What emotions are, you know, trying to overcome? What's really happening, right, what's keeping you stuck? What's keeping you from taking the action that you really want?
Speaker 1:And, again, like, our brain is trying to protect us. It is, it's all based, I think, in goodness. But we have to be aware these are called blind spots for a reason. Right, we have to be aware that we're making decisions off of emotion most of the time. Right, that is just, that is what it is, and we are exaggerating those feelings or those scenarios Because, again, our brain's trying to keep us into a safe spot. But if you can bust that and bust these other seven blind spots, right, which have been filters, assumptions, predictions, memories, labels, emotions and exaggerations, if you can understand that these are blind spots that we have, then you're in a position to take control and to be more powerful in your own life Absolutely Well.
Speaker 2:To sum this up, we've talked about this quite a lot in all of our episodes that we've had and along the time that we've been together which is, if you want different results in your life, you have to do something different. And to do something different, you may have to change the way you believe something to be, and in order to change the way you believe something to be, you have to change your thinking. And so Mo says that 90% of your long term happiness is predicted not by the external world, but by the way your brain processes the world, and so if our life is seen through the lens of these blind spots, if we can bust through those blind spots, we'll be able to have a different perception on our life, the way that he has so nicely described what happened for him as he shifted his thinking after his son passed. Is there anything else for this particular chapter, sam, that you want to wrap up with, because I know we're almost out of time for today?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's the very last thing he's got in here is just the. You know, you can really sum all of this up into the simple question of is it true, right? And if you can understand what these blind, that these blind spots exist for all of us, then you can ask yourself the question of is it true Right? Is my memory true? Is this feeling I'm having true? Is this exaggeration I'm experiencing true? And that's how you can really help yourself bust these, these blind spots that we all face, and can move you into the next part of the book, which is the five, what he calls ultimate truths.
Speaker 2:Yeah, awesome segue. So ultimate truths are up next. I know we went a little bit over our time for today but, friends, if you've enjoyed this, we'd love for you to share our episodes. Subscribe if you're not already subscribed, and, hey, share some of your comments with us as well. Scott puts content in our show notes for you to be able to reach out to us. It has been a pleasure always, sam, being with you here on our show and going through Solving for Happy. So again, friends, my name is Denise Russo and, on behalf of my friend, sam Powell, this has been another episode of what's on your bookshelf.