What's on Your Bookshelf?
“What’s On Your Bookshelf” is a personal and professional growth podcast exploring the intersections of passion, potential, and purpose - featuring multi-certified coach and leadership development consultant Denise R. Russo alongside Andy Hughes, Scott Miller, and Samantha Powell.
What's on Your Bookshelf?
71 - Solve for Happy - Chapter 11 - The Pendulum Swing
Ever felt like your life needed a garage sale for the soul? Join Denise and Sam, as they embark on a quest for clarity in their latest podcast episode, inspired by Mo Gawdat's "Solve for Happy." They share intimate experiences about stripping back the layers of complexity in our lives, and how that opens up space for joy and productivity to flourish. Imagine your surroundings and your to-do list refreshed, simplified, and serving your quest for happiness. They shed light on practical approaches to living in the moment and the profound impact of embracing simplicity as a cornerstone for contentment.
Change is the only constant, and this episode maneuvers through life's ever-changing currents with grace. They e ponder the exuberance that comes with riding the waves of change rather than resisting them. They navigate the intricate metaphor of a complex cockpit to demonstrate that life's richness lies not in the pursuit of control, but rather in the search for natural balance and harmony. The yin and yang of existence become our guides as we discuss the beauty of life's fluctuations and the tranquility that comes from welcoming them as old friends.
In a heartfelt crescendo, Sam and Denise turn to the transformative power of gratitude. Through the moving story of a father’s shift from grief to gratefulness, they find keys to 'solving for happy.' This episode isn't just about listening; it's an invitation to engage with them and the community of listeners as we collectively unearth the joy that lies within. So, tune in, share your journey, and discover why gratitude might just be your new superpower on the path to genuine happiness.
Additional Resources:
Order: Solve for Happy
The How of Happiness website
The Passion Planner
Passion Planner discount code: RWRD.IO/EFWYE73?C
Denise Russo's Website
www.schoolofthoughts.net
Denise Russo's Forbes Articles
Forbes Article Link
Samantha Powell's Website and Blog
Lead The Game
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Welcome to what's on your Bookshelf, with your hosts Denise Russo and Samantha Powell.
Speaker 2:Hi everybody, welcome to another episode of what's on your Bookshelf. This is a life and leadership podcast where we're living out loud the pages of the books that we've taken off of our shelves and put into our lives. My name is Denise Russo. I'm here today with my co-host and friend, sam Powell, and we are in the midst of exploring a book called Solve for Happy by Mo Gaudet. He's the former chief operating officer at Google. This book is really about his quest for finding, seeking and owning his happiness in his life, and we are right now today going to wrap up a conversation we had last week. But it's all about reducing distractions, owning our time and what we need to do to change. Sam, so great to always be here with you. How are you doing today?
Speaker 1:I'm doing good. I'm doing good. Yeah, we. This. Chapter 10, which was the first of the ultimate truths, was about now. There's so much good stuff in it and we talked about most of it last week, but there were a couple things we wanted to kind of cover before we move into the next ultimate truth, which we'll shift gears here in this episode in a little bit. But yeah, this is, uh, reducing distractions. So, again, talking about the here and the now and being present and aware, and distractions are the things that get in our way all of the time here.
Speaker 2:You and I are super busy people. I will say with confidence that we're both, especially now, with us having our own businesses plus having kids, spouses, travel, all the different things. We're busy, and so there's a lot of things in life that can be distracting, and so this part of the chapter, as we round it up, is about what can you do to remove the distractions in your life. And what got me here was I highlighted a part where it said less is more, because last week I talked about about the life changing magic of tidying up. Clearly there's a theme here for me. I should get a clue, because then I put in the margins another book which is called the joy of less. So I am thinking, sam, I don't know, a series on less is more and cleaning up and decluttering is definitely on the horizon for me. So how about for you?
Speaker 1:as we were finishing up this part of the chapter, yeah, I highlighted the same thing that you know, less is less is more, and I, when I think about when, am I happiest? It's like when things get simplified right. I'm pregnant, expecting a baby in the, you know, in the fall here, and I had been feeling so bad at this pregnancy that, like I was in total survival mode. And so I finally, yesterday, for probably the first time in a few months, really sat at my desk. My husband actually commented on it. He walked downstairs, he goes oh my gosh, it feels like a real day. You're sitting in your office, you have a candle lit, like you've been here. Like every time I walk by you're still in there doing stuff. And it was like you know, it was a significant moment.
Speaker 1:But I spent yesterday clearing all the clutter off my desk. I just been throwing things on here's something I need to do, here's something I need to do. And like, coming in today and sitting down with this simplified you know, like less things on my desk, less right. Like I simplified my to-do list down to one tiny little post-it note of like let's just get going and get started, and all those distractions, really like I was much happier, right, there's a little bit more joy sitting down when there's less.
Speaker 1:And you know, you and I talk about that Marie Kondo book all the time. We will. We have to do it at some point, just because we've talked about it so much. But you know, it's that, it's that it's. You know, right, again, this is about being aware of the now and so, if you can remove some distractions, if less is more and if you can stop which is like his first first step here stop and then find something or do something or have something that helps you focus in on right now, right, right, that it's a simple way to do it that can help you kind of bring some of that joy and happiness into right in this moment. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I actually loved this part of the chapter because it's something that I do with Vincent, my son. So sometimes when Vincent gets upset, he's in college, and so he'll call me, sometimes at night, and just tell me about something that was really hard that day, and then it starts spinning into something else that was bad about the day and then something else that was bad about the day, until it becomes. You know, these teachers are idiots. I hate this place and I don't want to be here and I don't want to do there. And then five seconds later, he loves the place, he loves his classes, he's excited to be where he is, and so usually when he gets on this tangent of anything that is not happy and let's call it negative I always tell him okay, stop, just stop, let's take a couple of deep breaths. And now I want you to say three positive things.
Speaker 2:Now, I've done this with him since he was probably four years old, so he knows the exercise by now, and so recently we had to do this and I said Vincent and he's like I know three positive things. Okay, I love my stupid school and I'm happy that I'm in this tiny dorm that is too small for me to relax and I love you mom. And so I was like no, you failed. He's like. I know I failed, just like I'm failing my classes which, by the way, he's not failing his classes he's getting Bs but to him it's failing. So sometimes we just have to stop, reduce the distractions and take pause to the things that are around us that are super positive. By the end of that conversation, just to just to spin it the right way, it ended up being where we were laughing and he ended up being fine. But you sometimes just have to get it out right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and Mo in the book calls these awareness breaks right, and he suggests using like a totem, something physical that helps remind you. Like he carries something in his pocket that when he feels it right, it reaches into his right pocket. It's there and then he has like an exercise of being grateful for rights and doing some savoring of life joys, like if we're going back to our last book, right, taking time for gratitude, taking time to savor, and um, and he's got a physical reminder and so that's kind of what he encourages you, right, like you stop, then you have something, and like you, you're doing that for Vincent, right, you're sort of that totem for him. He calls you up and then you're like pause, give me the three things, right, like let's talk about it. Right, and you know, so you've, you've kind of become his totem in that space.
Speaker 1:But sometimes people carry something physical and it's like okay, as soon as I feel this rock in my pocket, I'm going to think of something that is positive right now, I'm going to look out and be aware of something in my space. So sometimes giving yourselves those physical or virtual reminders maybe it's something on your desktop, maybe it's some reminder that pops up every once in a while, but something that drives you to what he calls this awareness break, to bring you into the here and now, to give you that space to savor, be grateful. You know all those sort of good things.
Speaker 2:A couple weeks ago I was out to dinner with Olivia, my daughter, and you can't see it since we're not on video, but you can see it, sam. So you see this bracelet. So we saw this bracelet in the window of a shop and the bracelet has a little dolphin on it. I love dolphins, I'm mesmerized by water and I just absolutely love dolphins. And so as soon as she saw it, she said oh my gosh, mommy, you have to get that bracelet, let's go into the store. And I'm thinking, well, we're going to be late for dinner. And she's like no, no, no, it's going to be fine, we'll be fine, let's just go get the bracelet.
Speaker 2:So see, she lives in awareness all the time. She saw something that I was just going to walk past and not even notice, but she noticed. Not only did she notice it, but she noticed it like for me and anyways, this little shop was like this type of place that has cool things like candles and jewelry and different stuff. And so she said to me you know, mommy, now that when you put this bracelet on, you're going to see the dolphin. And I was at the time, I was kind of experiencing something a little bit stressful, and she said so now, hopefully, when you see the dolphin, it's going to make you less stressful.
Speaker 2:And then she said to me she has a similar bracelet, doesn't have a dolphin on it, but it has these little beads on it. And she said sometimes when I'm sitting and I'm feeling stressed out about a class or I'm stressed out about a situation at school because she's also in college, she said I either crochet which I know you're a fan of crochet or she's got a bracelet and what she does is she'll hold on to the beads and each bead she'll try to think of something positive. I mean, she lives this stuff out loud so well. I learned so much from my kids and so I've actually been doing that with this new bracelet, especially when I'm stressed out. I'm probably going to break the bracelet, because it's been quite a few weeks for me, but it's a reminder every time I look down at it that you can have this sort of a thing, whether it's a rock in your pocket or whether it's a bracelet, or whether it's your mom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, exactly, and we all need those reminders to kind of help us stop and live in the now and you know he talks about. He also talks about timeless time, spending time that you aren't paying attention to a watch or a clock. It reminded me of your beach story. You told us a few episodes ago of you know going and just spending time on the beach and it felt like time got away from you. You know, during that I think it was just re-listening to the episode where you talked about that.
Speaker 2:So that's why it's fresh in my mind.
Speaker 1:But you know having time where you just let time go and you just sit there and experience, right, you sit on the beach, you go sit in your backyard, you sit on your back porch, you, I don't know, just do something that is like that. And then he wraps this chapter up by talking about whatever you do, do it well.
Speaker 2:Yes, whatever you do, do it well. I think was so poignant because he says we need an alternate between being and doing to be a productive member of society. So if you're going to do things, the question is do you always perform at your best? Probably not, I mean. The reality is we don't always do our very best. Like my dad used to tell me when I was younger, you know, as long as you can lay your head down at night and say you know what, today I did my best, then you can sleep. Well. Well, how many days did I lay my head down and I thought to myself no, I really didn't do my best. Today I didn't do my best.
Speaker 2:But the trick is trying to do everything to the best of your ability in those moments. Whatever best might mean, you can always up your best. Like isn't even that? A principle of John Maxwell Is that everything worthwhile is uphill, he says. And so we know that it's a climb and that maybe you never get to the top, you never get to the summit. But the point is you don't slide down, you keep no-transcript.
Speaker 1:You're doing now, really give yourself over to those moments and you know the things that you're doing in your life, which, like I love that thought process of just fully investing right, like I'm here with you doing this podcast, I'm not gonna think about anything else, phones turned off, distractions are gone, right, like it's just everything that's set up right here and right now is about being in this moment with you and what we're doing and, you know, really spending the time in that, and that's such a more connected way. Right, that was what he talked about. The top level of awareness here is connection. Do you think so?
Speaker 2:like it's. It's easier to do everything we're saying when life is like on this flat, stable ground. But what happens when we experience change? And so that's the next chapter.
Speaker 1:Right, so we're moving into chapter 11 now exactly, yeah, and I thought this was really interesting, right? So this is the second of the ultimate truths and this is change, right, and I just the first thing I thought of was the only constant in life is change, right, that quote which is so very true. Right, you have to accept that change is always happening and that is constant in your life here. But the title of this chapter is the Pendulum Swing, and I did one of the science experiments I did as a kid was about pendulums and like how they work, right? So just think about, like a string hanging from a stick and it's got like a metal heavy ball on it, and the pendulum is always trying to sit at equilibrium. It's trying to sit straight down, right, where there's no movement. That is the state it's constantly trying to get to. But if you exert force, like you pull it up from the side, it's going to move back and forth, back and forth, back and forth until it gets to the state.
Speaker 1:Right, you present change in the situation, you put change on the metal ball and so, yes, things are moving and adjusting and stuff is happening, but it's always trying to get back to its state.
Speaker 1:Its whole goal here is to get back to its state of equilibrium, of rest, kind of in the middle. And so what he really is getting to is that there's a million choices you make in a day, a million things that happen, a million pieces of change that come at us, and if we sit here and we try to control all of those things that are happening, we're going to end up very far away from joy. But if we think about this chapter and we think about what this is, it's really about getting down to this just letting, letting the pendulum swing, letting it go back and forth, letting life happen, letting the change exist, to get back to this equilibrium, which I thought was such an interesting journey to take us on when we're talking about change, like it's a, it's an approach to change. I think I've lived it without consciously thinking about it, but I don't.
Speaker 2:I've never consciously thought about this in this way the things that change in our life and the expectations we have around those things in our life. And then he talks about the multiverse, and so for me.
Speaker 1:I'm just like the fourth time in this book where I'm like man, this is just meta, like we're out there in these concepts. But yeah, and all I could think about was the movie the spider verse movie that came out. My son and I watched it and that movie ends on a total cliffhanger waiting for a part two, and I hate cliffhangers. Like I want the end of the story right now, like, so all I could think about was, oh, there's more, the spider, spider-man, multiverse situation and right, and you know the fact that, like it's the scientific concept that there are a million versions of you out in the world. Right, every choice you've made or every choice that's been made that affects you, that version exists in the world Right. Like what if I hadn't married my husband? What if I hadn't turned left? You know, instead of right, right, and those versions all exist out.
Speaker 1:This is a scientific theory that's out there, that people spend time, you know, really, you know researching and investigating and um, yeah, that's how he starts this chapter, but his point is right. There's this whole multiverse universe space out there where every option exists, everything that could be happening, and then he talks about a cockpit. Right, if you're trying to control all these things that could happen, all these choices that could lead into all these different paths of life, you would have this crazy complex cockpit of buttons that you're trying to control how everything works, and that would be exhausting, and that's the opposite of joy, right, when you're just trying to control everything that's happening. There's no space for happiness, there really is no space to get to peace in that. And that's when he goes into this thought process of just let it flow right, let the pendulum swing and let things come back to their equilibrium, which he calls the path.
Speaker 2:When he's talking about the path, he talks about this through the lens of finding the path to least resistance, the simplest path. So, if you're thinking about this multiverse and you're stuck in this concept of, well, what if I would have not taken that job? What if I would have married a different person? What if I would have done this? What if I would have done that? Well, you didn't, because in this verse that you're living in this universe, this one verse that you live in your life, is this way. Now, what he does say, though, which is interesting, is that he your control is not gained at these micro levels or that gigantic cockpit that you might see inside of a rocket ship. He said it's rather in how you need to do the little things in life, and in this simplistic way of finding the path, and so one of the things that I had highlighted here was, he said every single thing we do has a point of balance, and that no effort is needed to keep any system at its equilibrium when everything you do feels effortless. You found your path.
Speaker 2:So when I was listening to you share the story about the pendulum swinging when I was a little girl, my gosh, I had to probably not even be two digits years old. I remember my grandfather had one of these things on his desk that had five little balls on it and what you would do is swing the one ball and then it would hit. And then now all the balls are hitting, but they're like in unison and and it's click, click, click, click, and then the thing didn't stop, but it's because it was getting momentum right. So if everything you do has this natural balance and you have momentum and you're focused on the positive things, you're embracing the time that you have and you are taking actions on things that make you happy, this is where he then shifts into talking about the balance, the balance of yin and yang.
Speaker 2:Well, yin and yang, you could say, is there's a balance of good and evil, there's a balance of black and white, there's a balance of good and bad, there's a balance of happy and unhappy, there's a balance of life and death. But are those absolutes? Or is there somewhere, like he said earlier in the chapter about this long line of dots? And somewhere along that line is where your truth is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I just like this thought process of I don't know, letting go of trying to control all the things in your life and like trying to and this is about change, right, there's so much change. There's always something happening that throws things out of this little box that you're trying to get them into right. It's like I wanted my life to be stable, like a value stability. I hear that all the time from people and it's like that's great, but you never get the stability. Because change is a truth of life, right, like it changes constantly happening.
Speaker 1:But if you think about this concept that he's like telling you to embrace, is it's? It's just embracing the balance, right, taking it all in, letting it unfold in a way that is effortless, right? Just, I always call this like riding the waves of life, like if life is pushing you in a certain direction, like just ride it out right, like just kind of trust that things will come to equilibrium, given enough time. This period of time may feel chaotic, but like if you just zoom out a bit and let the pendulum swing and let the things happen and experience the yin and the yang, the good and the bad. You know the highs and the lows and all that sort of stuff. Eventually life will bring itself back to equilibrium.
Speaker 1:And if you stay on that effortless path, right, you sit in joy, you sit in happiness, and I just think that's super interesting. And if I look back on my life, I can find that to be very true. I can find that to be like there's been lots of moments of chaos, there's been lots of moments where it's like I don't know how I'm going to get to this. But if enough time goes by, in retrospect, right, you're just following what's happening and it'll work out in one way or the other. And if you ride that with kind of this acceptance that change is happening, I think then you're in a position to experience that happiness, experience that joy.
Speaker 2:I think what happens is, when we're not happy, we sit in that state of the doing, we go against the wave, we get pulled by the undercurrent, we try to stay afloat when we're sinking instead of, like you said, get on top of the wave and let it bring you into the shore. To use your analogy. And it makes me think about a time when I was really burning out and I knew I was burning out at work and I I was afraid, I would say maybe, of all the work it was going to take to get unburnt. So it was almost easier to stay burning, like I was telling that story about the person I coached a few years ago. But when I came to the shore, I realized at that point, sam, that I no longer wanted to work as hard as I was working or to be as burnt out as I was being burnt out. I want to live a comfortable life well, and so when I was reading this chapter, I started to realize for myself things that I already know, which is just be content with the path that God already has planned for me. I'm a person of faith, and so I believe that that path is already planned out.
Speaker 2:Now maybe you, listening to our podcast, have a different belief or a different faith, but what we're trying to share in this book is that if you just live on the path that you're on, embrace your moments, be fully aware with attention of what's happening in, around and through and outside of you, and for you to focus more on the positive than the negative, whether it's journaling, whether it's documenting, whether it's having this totem idea your life will be so much more enjoyable and rewarding. And to your point, you said peaceful, and he said this in the very, very beginning of the book when he was kind of defining happiness, and what I highlighted in that part was that happiness for me is joy, peace, peacefulness and contentment. Happiness for you might be something else. Everybody seeks after different things, but if you go back and listen to the episodes of the how of Happiness by Sonia Laibomirsky we're getting good at her name, by the way, I think. But she talked about the things that don't make you happy Money, fame, fortune, the things that people chase after, that aren't the things that bring you the happiness, and so he ends this kind of by talking about the next piece, which is looking down.
Speaker 2:So you have success, you have progress, you've got ambition and you keep wanting to go up. Like we talked about, john Maxwell saying if there's anything worthwhile you have to go up uphill. But he also talks about here is when do you decide that you've had enough of the going up Like when is that chase done?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think what he really kind of gets to in this point is like where you're drawing your attention, because he calls this looking down. So he says you know, we obsessively compare, especially in Western culture, right, where we're like let's achieve, let's do, let's get it done, let's, you know, keep progressing. But as we obsessively compare, we set ourselves up for disappointment because there will always, always be someone who's gone further or done better, and so we. But we forget, when we're looking up and looking at these people who are farther ahead of us, that there's the flip side of this distribution curve, where each of them has less than we do. And at least one other thing, because that's just how the game of life is defined you can't have everything right. If you're going to chase one thing, you're sacrificing something else. We are always making those choices, and but we tend to think like, oh, and I'm running a business, I find this all the time right, like there'll be some Facebook ad or something right, because Facebook's stalking you and your Google searches and everything you're doing.
Speaker 1:That is like you know, this is how to have this kind of business or have a, you know, have a seven figure business, have a six figure, but like all this kind of stuff that distracts you and I see something sometimes and I like then I get this imposter syndrome of like, oh, I'm not doing that, but what he's encouraging us is like, don't look up at these other people who are doing whatever, look down. And it's looking down in gratitude for everything you have accomplished. And so when I flip that script and when I think about what are all the things I have done in just one year not even quite one year of having a business, that list gets really long and I'm really proud of it and I'm really content with it in a lot of ways. When I refocus, you know the thing, and when I talk to people, I talk to people about imposter syndrome I think think all the time I just think it's because of the stage of life I'm in and how, like, in the thick of everything, of raising kids, of being in the careers and like all that kind of stuff that so many of my friends and family like we just deal with imposter syndrome a lot, and that's what this is is.
Speaker 1:It's don't get tricked by looking up. It's focused, focused downward, right, he says here's the challenge Try reframing ambition. So the focus is on the goal of becoming a better person, regardless of how you compare to others. Even better, look down, work hard and grow. Make a difference in the world, but please feel good about yourself. Please stop looking at what you don't have. What you don't have is infinite, and I love like I just love that thought process. Right, what I don't have is infinite, and so stop focusing on it. Right, stop thinking, stop the comparison. And I just love the please feel good about yourself. Right, when you're thinking about this, and it reminded me of the last book, right, it's focusing on yourself, right, when you're thinking about this, and it reminded me of the last book, right, it's focusing on gratitude, right, focusing on, you know, really being grateful for what you've got. And that's kind of what he gets into.
Speaker 2:There was a movie I watched at Christmas time last year and I can't remember the name of it, but it was with Eddie Murphy and it was, I think, on netflix. But I do remember there was this scene that kept showing in the movie which was like uh, you ever seen like a mural or a billboard on the side of like a brick building? That's like a billboard, but it's painted, and it and it said comparison is the thief of joy. Yeah, and that was kind of the theme of the movie in any case. Um, and I I recall seeing that and struck by it, that it's very easy to get caught up in keeping up with the Joneses and wishing you had what somebody else had.
Speaker 2:And yet to your point here is that happiness, according to Mo, is what you said work hard, grow and make a difference in the world. Grow and make a difference in the world. And he sort of ends this by saying if you could change your perspective, or what we call mind shifting, if you can shift your mind, you'll see so many reasons to be happy with the blessings that you have. So maybe you don't have what the guy next door has, but do you really need it and are you willing to do what like? John Maxwell said this one time because he was talking about how everybody says I want to be like you. And he said one time I can't remember this was years ago now but he said until you're willing to do what I did to have what I have, then you don't know what it took to be where I am Right. So you just think you know by looking at the surface of a person.
Speaker 1:Exactly Right. You're not seeing the sacrifice, you're not seeing what they don't have as a result of what they do have, right, and what they've worked for. And you know, instead of looking up, right, looking at these people who are doing these things and saying, oh, I don't measure up to that, right, that's it. There's an infinite things that you don't have and you don't measure up to. What he's really encouraging you is to look down. Look down into what you have, look down into what you've accomplished, look down in gratitude for the things that you've got. And that is the path to happiness, right, focusing there instead of focusing up and out, is what really leads you to joy.
Speaker 1:And again, like this is in the context of this truth that we're in. I know we're towards the end here, but this is about change. Life is constantly changing, things are constantly adjusting, and so he's telling you like, wow, the truth is, life is changing. There is something always, constantly new Tomorrow is going to be different, five minutes from now is going to be different than right now is in some small way. And so focusing down and focusing in on what you've got, what you have, what those blessings are, what those good things are, is kind of how to live in this world of change. We had to be happy in the midst of the fact that things are changing.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I guess I'll end by saying what I took away from this chapter is imagine if you had a coin in your hand. There's a head and there's a tail, there's a top and there's a bottom, and the way he described it is that for him to pursue this solution to happiness was that, instead of him looking at one side of the coin, which was feeling resentful that his son died, he had to turn it over and look at the other side of the coin was to be grateful that he lived. And it was through that boy's life that this father was able to find truly the secrets to happiness in his own life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I love that and I love that. Right, it's too sad. Like you're saying, it's two sides of the same coin and you can choose the resentful side or you can choose the grateful side. And so what we're saying is, when you choose the grateful side, you can solve for happy.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Well, gosh, we went through so much today. I've learned so much. I've enjoyed, of course, all of your stories. So, friends, if you've been listening and you're getting value from this and you're not yet subscribing, we'd love for you to do that. If you're getting value from this and you haven't yet shared our podcast with others, we sure would appreciate it if you would share our show with your friends and your colleagues, and we'd also really love to just hear from you. So if you'd like to share what you're going through learning maybe you're having some aha moments Scott puts in the show notes ways for you to reach out to us and we'd love to hear from you. But for now, my name's Denise Russo and, on behalf of my friend, sam Powell, this has been another episode of what's On your Bookshelf.