What's on Your Bookshelf?
“What’s On Your Bookshelf” is a personal and professional growth podcast exploring the intersections of passion, potential, and purpose - featuring multi-certified coach and leadership development consultant Denise R. Russo alongside Andy Hughes, Scott Miller, and Samantha Powell.
What's on Your Bookshelf?
78 - The Happiness Project - Introduction
What if you could unlock the secrets to a happier life in just a few weeks? Join us as we dissect "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin, the third book in our 2024 happiness quest, and learn how to apply Rubin's year-long journey into a condensed month-per-week format. This episode kicks off with a powerful revelation on the need for change and challenges you to ask yourself: Do you believe you can be happier? What does happiness look like for you?
Next, we delve into the importance of mindset and belief systems, illustrating how our thoughts can often be the biggest barriers to achieving our goals. Drawing from personal experiences and insights from Sonia Lyubomirsky's "The How of Happiness," we explore how happiness is a subjective experience that can often be found in our immediate surroundings. We share strategies for shifting unconscious thought patterns and discuss how coaching can be a transformative tool in unlocking one’s potential.
In our final segment, we focus on practical steps for elevating happiness through self-awareness. Inspired by Rubin's practice of writing down "secrets of adulthood," we discuss how documenting personal philosophies can enhance both self-awareness and leadership skills. Reflecting on the ripple effect of personal happiness on others, particularly in a leadership context, we share anecdotes and insights on fostering happiness within teams. Plus, we give a shoutout to our incredible producer, Scott Miller, and invite you to share your happiness insights and expectations from "The Happiness Project." Thank you for being an integral part of our "What's On Your Bookshelf" community!
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Welcome to what's on your Bookshelf, with your hosts Denise Russo and Samantha Powell.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone, welcome back. It's another episode of what's on your Bookshelf. This is a life and leadership podcast where we are living out loud the pages of the books on our shelves. My name is Denise Russo, I'm here today with my friend, sam Powell, and we are exploring book number three on our quest for happiness in 2024. And the book that we're discussing now is called the Happiness Project. If you don't yet have this book, scott will have in the show notes a link for you to be able to get a copy of the book, but you don't need it to listen to these episodes and to grow with us.
Speaker 2:This book was a New York Times number one bestseller. It has some great commentary from authors like Daniel Pink and some others that have really given some great remarks to Gretchen. Gretchen has an amazing podcast. She's got daily newsletters that she sends out. She's got a really great following, and so I'm looking forward to walking through the Happiness Project. And her tagline on the book says or why I spent a year trying to sing in the morning, clean my closets, fight right, read Aristotle and generally have more fun, and that's probably what got me when I decided to buy the book.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that, I love that tagline, and as you read the book, that makes a lot more sense.
Speaker 1:And on the front of the book, one of the quotes is this is the rare book that will make you both smile and think, often on the same page, and I have found that to be true as we have started, or as I've started reading this for the first time.
Speaker 1:It's definitely an interesting read, right, it's one woman's application of how to make yourself happier, and she does it over a year and breaks it down that way, and so, yeah, today we're hoping to just sort of set up how we're going to talk about this book, go through the introduction, the getting started part of the book, just so that everybody understands how this one works, and some context as we get going. But I enjoy, like, an introduction is usually like okay, right, it's usually the part I read fast in a book, but this one it just it made me smile a whole lot and I actually had a whole lot of things highlighted in it because it was just so cute and there was stuff that called back to other books that we had talked about. Right, because she, I think, read she even calls Sonia Lubomirsky out in this book, in the intro specifically, I was like, oh, there we go, like she read some of what we read too to kind of turn around and apply this. So yeah, this was a fun start to this book.
Speaker 2:Isn't that so serendipitous? Because we did not really. I mean, we planned out what books we wanted to do this year, but we didn't really necessarily say in what order. Was it like a prescription for how we were going to do this?
Speaker 2:But as we've done, this now being the third book, every book has aligned just so beautifully, even if we look back at last year, the way that we started out with Ikigai and intentional living, and then the life of John Wooden, who lived out loud those principles and then flowed straight into well, you can't do that if you don't have good habits, and we spend a lot of time talking about James Clear and atomic habits, and it was almost as if when we first did how of happiness that we thought to ourself man, this book perfectly comes after atomic habits, and now I hope that you'll find this book comes perfectly after the how of Happiness and Solve for Happy.
Speaker 2:I love how she started. Before the getting started, she quotes Robert Louis Stevenson and it says there is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. And so this has been an amazing, incredible journey of happiness over this year together and as we get started with this book. I'll just give out some of the logistical parts of it, and then we'll talk about some of the things she shared, which I think were funny. The book is designed to be 12 topics, which are 12 months, and so she does one topic for every month of the year. We are not spending a year on the book, we're going to have a month a week, and so we're condensing it down.
Speaker 1:Do a speed version of a year Speed version.
Speaker 2:But I think what could happen is our intent, because we always have good intentions. Let's see how the reality happens, but the intent is we want to finish this book before the end of the year, so that you'll have listened to the episodes, gotten yourself a good baseline and you can then start your own happiness project yourself in January, and then you can do it all through the year of 2025. So that's sort of the gist of it. These 12 topics are focused about how you can be on this quest for happiness, and maybe I'll just kick us off on the getting started part, because I know you have a lot of highlighter marks as well. My very first highlighter mark is where she says I was in danger of wasting my life.
Speaker 1:Yep, Yep, that's. Isn't that you know, isn't that it? And it's funny, there were in the so, right before the getting started, in the note to the reader section, where you had the quote um, I highlighted something where she said you know, during my study of happiness, I noticed something that surprised me. I often learned more from one person's highly idiosyncratic experiences than I do from sources like the detail, universal principles. I find greater value in what specific individuals tell me worked for them than any other kind of argument.
Speaker 1:And I thought, man, if that isn't what this podcast is all about, like you know, like that's it right, this is you and I living this stuff out loud, our thoughts, how we're applying, what we're doing with it, how we, you know, think about this stuff. And you know that's really what this, this book, is about. And you're right, like she's saying that, you know she's feel like she's wasting her life. And I highlighted the very first line because I just it made me laugh out loud. In the getting started part she said I'd always vaguely expected to outgrow my limitations.
Speaker 1:And I just I giggled at that because I was like, oh man, I can relate to that. I always thought I would outgrow my limitations, but sometimes the limitations take purposeful work right. Sometimes to outgrow something you've got to put in effort and this is her effort that she put in so that she could grow, you know, really get to happiness and figure it out and not waste her life. Right, she was in danger of wasting her life and you know, I, just I, I thought that was funny as uh as we got started, but, yep, on a city bus, pretty dramatic it was in danger.
Speaker 2:Years are slipping by. I never thought about what would make me happy, but then she pivots really quickly and she says I have so much to be happy to be happy about. I live in my favorite place, I have a great family, I have a great job, I've got all these other things. Do you remember ever?
Speaker 2:You're a little bit younger than me, but there used to be these cartoons, maybe Tom and Jerry or something like that Bugs Bunny, where there'd be like a little devil on somebody's shoulder and a little angel on the shoulder and they start arguing with each other and then the characters like stepping back and looking at them, arguing and finally realizing. And then you see this poof and those little characters disappear. And it's because you can control that. You can control that. And so she goes on to talk about just these things where she had stepped outside of her own reality to look at her life, examine what was going on, and then she realized she was not not happy, but she wanted to elevate her happiness, and so she has. She says I had everything I could possibly want, yet I was failing to appreciate it, and so that was how she started thinking about could I be happier?
Speaker 1:right, right, and I loved this, like when I, when she was talking about kind of having this moment on a bus where, like, oh gosh, she's not appreciating her life, like I could be much happier, like it's not that I'm not happy, it's that I could be a lot happier. And I feel like in that stepping outside of herself, it reminded me of the illusion of self from the last book from soul for happy, because he talks about that we are the observers of our life. Like that's really who the self is, that's who we are, is the observer. And I think that, like, when you can step outside of what is happening and into this space of an observer, which is where she, where she sat, in this moment, like that's where our greatest, like consciousness comes in, that's where we really can step into joy, really can step into happiness of.
Speaker 1:Like I want to take some control, I want to be purposeful in how I'm walking through life, like I don't want life to happen to me, I want it to happen through me and with me. And you know, in this space and I had the exact same thing highlighted that you did, that you know she was just failing to appreciate that and like how I mean, I don't know how many times that's happened in my life, where it's like, oh my gosh, a week has gone by, month has gone by, six months has gone by, and it's like, did I even stop for a second to appreciate what's going on in my life? And I feel so much more richness when I'm living in that space of I don't know, a little bit outside of myself and that observer role.
Speaker 2:I wonder if it's like when she was talking about having to learn from other people's stories, because we learned through Mo's story just recently. We learned through John Wooden's stories through the eyes of Pat Williams before that. We learned through John Wooden's stories through the eyes of Pat Williams before that. And for me, you made a comment a minute ago about how isn't that just the purpose of what's on your bookshelf? And she actually calls that out. She says they say that people teach what they need to learn, and I think I was sharing this with you a couple weeks ago that I was having this sort of profound experience where we record these episodes in advance of when they actually come out and then we listen to the episode the day they come out so that we can comment and share that.
Speaker 2:There's a new episode out and there was an episode that I recently listened to and I'm listening to myself talk about things that I was going to hold myself accountable to doing and I had this almost aha moment about wow.
Speaker 2:I said out loud of my own mouth that I was going to do this one thing and I did it, but just for like a minute or a day and I didn't have a sustaining experience with it.
Speaker 2:And so what I have found and I hope that you as listeners will find this perhaps as well is that for me, I've actually already read all these books that we're going through, but it's almost as if, when I'm reading them with Sam, that I'm going through them for the first time, because I'm going through it now, looking through the lens of what you, sam, are sharing and learning yourself, and then, when we record it and listen to it back again, we're outside of like the in the moment conversations, because we're not scripted on on our talks here. Certainly, we have highlights in the book, in the book in that, but our conversation is truly authentically just thinking of things in the moment while we're talking and sharing together, like we would if we were at each other's house, having coffee or a cold drink If we were at each other's house having a coffee or a cold drink.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And yeah, she says right. Once she had this revelation and once she had this thought process is that, as I sat on that crowded bus, I grasped two things. I wasn't as happy as I could be and my life wasn't going to change unless I made it change.
Speaker 1:I decided to dedicate a year trying to be happier, and that's where this book takes us and where you know where, where she goes, and she really explores, like you know, a couple of questions in the beginning of like what is you know, what is she trying to really accomplish here? And what does this, what does this look like? And she said she trying to really accomplish here? And what does this, what does this look like? And she said she had to answer two crucial questions before she really went any further. She started reading a million books and you're doing all the research and figuring out how does one become happier, what are the experts say?
Speaker 1:But she said that she had to first, like, did she believe that it was possible to make herself happier? And like I thought that was right, it should be an obvious question. But I thought it was possible to make herself happier and like I thought that was right. It should be an obvious question, but I thought it was a really profound question and I think it's a question we miss often when we're heading out on a journey or when we're working towards a goal is do we really believe we can get there and what does it look like when we get there? Right, and like I know when I sit down with coaching clients and that's one of the big things we start with is where, what vision are you trying to get to, what goal are you trying to get to, and like what things are blocking you? And sometimes it's your own beliefs that are in your way right, like, do I actually think I can make myself happier?
Speaker 1:Because, if not, you've got to tackle that first and foremost before you, you know, before you get into anything. I'm sure you see this all the time with clients too. It's one of the things we work through as coaches.
Speaker 2:I think this is where businesses fall short. Honestly and we teach this in your signature story, which is our retreats that Sam and I host, and it's this that if you want something different in your life, this is gonna be like mind blowing. You have to do something different. Okay so, but that's where business stops, right? They say we need to make more money. What can we do to make more money? We need to stop losing money. What do we need to do to stop losing money? We need to sell more things. We need to create more things.
Speaker 2:But the way that the science says it's beyond the action. It goes back into your belief system of why you did or didn't get the result that you wanted, and that those beliefs started as a thought in your mind. And so we talked about this in Solve for Happy, that, in the final parts of the book, mo was reconciling the fact that his son wanted him to be happy. His son lived a happy life, and here he was now wanting those same things for his other children and for himself. And so if we know that, that has to come from our mind. If you go back to the how of happiness, that book was talking about that, once you get your mind right, then you know what the actions are or the inactions are that you can take to lead a happier life. But it has to start first, in the way you think.
Speaker 2:I love how she shared that in the intro. Sam, she said, according to a current theory of the brain, the unconscious mind does crucial work in forming judgments, motives and feelings outside of our awareness or conscious control, and one factor that influences the work of the unconscious is the accessibility of information. So working with a coach is the best way for you to unlock what I would call your subconscious mind, because coaching perceives that you already have all the answers inside of you. You just don't take action. You don't have the right belief system or structure or systems, and that comes from the way that you think. And if you could change your thinking, you could change your life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it's. It's fun to watch people break that down and you know, as they make some statement of like, oh, I can't do this, or oh, it's just, it's like it's too much. And it's like, as you work with somebody and you break that down and and it really is kind of getting back to the type of question you're asking is like, do I believe it's possible, right, do I really think I can get to this goal? And sometimes you start working on something and you realize something in my way that feels like you know that I just need to work through.
Speaker 1:And then she goes into the second question is what is happiness? Which, like I mean, we've been exploring that for months now at this point, right, and what I thought, what made me smile so much and what was, like this serendipitous order to these books that we've done is, you know she she threw some quotes by Aristotle and by Blaise Pascal and you know things that are like what they said happiness was. But then she said even people who can't agree on what it means to be happy can agree that most people can be happier according to their own particular definition. I know when I feel happy. And that took me back to the first book, the how of Happiness, and that was really kind of where Sonia brought us to is that happiness is subjective and so, like you can measure your own happiness based on a what she calls a subjective happiness scale. Right, like you, this isn't, it's not some universal definition of happiness, really. Like you can go look it up in the dictionary, but like there, but you know it when you find it right, like you know it when you're there, and it is subjective to you and to your space.
Speaker 1:But it's not necessarily about being happy, like I don't want to be happy by your definition. It's me being happy by my definition and the journey is being happier than the current state. And like I know that when I feel that like, and I see that, and Sonia and the how of happiness gives us like a measurable scale to increase our happiness. And as we did that, I mean mine went up, I think it was like 17% just as we explored the book and I was tracking it week over week, like I saw it happen and I just I laughed at that because I was like this is, this is the subjective happiness scale. Here it happen, and I just I laughed at that because I was like this is, this is the subjective happiness scale. Here it is, and you know, as she's exploring this, what is happiness? That's what she came back. That's what she came down to is basically what the research is telling us.
Speaker 2:It's really cool to see that she did live out loud what Sonia wrote in the book that we also lived out loud. And now we're seeing another person who we don't know that went through a similar experience, and now we're seeing another person who we don't know that went through a similar experience, and so I love that. She shared this one part in this intro where she was saying that finding happiness isn't like this journey. That's really far away. She said you could find it in your kitchen, you could find it in unusual circumstances. And then she quotes this play called the Bluebird.
Speaker 2:Now, funny story is that Olivia and Vincent were in that play when they were young, in a community theater play, and the whole gist of the play is that two children spend a year searching the world for this blue bird, and the blue bird was happiness. So they're searching for this bird and in the play the bird is flying around and they can't grasp it, but they could see it, but as soon as they get close it's is flying around and they can't grasp it, but they could see it, but as soon as they get close it's like it disappears or they don't see it. And so these two kids spend a whole year searching for this blue bird of happiness, only to find that actually it's sort of like almost a Wizard of Oz-ish kind of a play that the bird was waiting for them all along at their house. So once they spent this whole year and they finally they went to a lot of these books like Eat, pray, love or whatever, where you have to go far away to go find your peace was that the peace and the bird and the happiness was actually right in front of them the whole time. Happiness was actually right in front of them the whole time.
Speaker 2:And it's sort of like when we talk about Ikigai and finding the center of your purpose. Finding the center of your purpose doesn't mean you have to go on this long quest that you can never achieve. It's that that already exists. It's about you awakening it, perhaps. And so I liked where in the book she was also talking about what she thought her truths were the secrets to adulthood. So I wonder if you highlighted any of those, because I put a star by, I think, every one of them.
Speaker 1:I just put a heart around the whole thing because I thought it was great. But what you were just saying is, you know, she said that and I think that that's what's important as we go on this journey, you know that, like this isn't about the eat, pray, love experience. This isn't about like going out and doing something. And she said, you know, I didn't want to reject my life, I wanted to change my life without changing my life, by finding more happiness in my own kitchen, and I think that that's really like the journey that you and I have been on. But it fits along with what you're saying and that's, I think, important for people to understand. We're not going to take you on a journey where it's like, and now we travel to Timbuktu and, you know, we give up all of our worldly possessions. No, this is like just little stuff in the day to day of your life and you know figuring that out. But, yeah, she realized as she was piecing this together that she needed to one make write down some of her secrets of adulthood, which were adorable, and some of them I was just like, yep, I totally, totally, totally love it. But it's things like you know, it's okay to ask for help. You know, bring a sweater. Over-the-counter medicines are very effective. You can't profoundly change your children's natures by nagging them or singing or signing them up for classes. Right, don't let perfect to be the enemy of good. Like there were so many great little nuggets in this and I like this is something that I starred.
Speaker 1:I hard did the whole thing, but I starred for myself of, like, what does my list look like? And it's funny, I um, when I started my business, I hired a coach and that was on his intake form. As I was signing up and giving him information about myself, he had this section that was like give me your philosophies for life, and it was the first time I'd ever written them down. That's kind of what she's writing here. These are her secrets of adulthood, but they're sort of like your philosophies.
Speaker 1:And as I pieced it together, I was like this is really putting together an interesting like picture for me, right, and you know. And then I took that list of stuff and I went to like chat GPT and I was like hey, here's my like, some philosophies I live my life by. And then I was like asking it some questions about like, how, like, how do you piece that together. What does this look like? Like it was a super interesting journey. So, like I think what she did here with this like writing down your secrets of adulthood like I would encourage people to go do this. But what are your secrets of adulthood, what are your philosophies of life? What are the things that, like, you live by? I mean, I think three or four of mine are like quotes from my grandmother, but like you know what are those things. And then you know there's some fun AI tools you can go to, like I don't know, piece together, have a fun conversation and see like what it does. But I loved these.
Speaker 2:I think this is really something that could be a cool leadership development exercise. Oh yeah, because it will help you have self awareness. And if you could be happier at work and be a happier leader. One of the things that Gretchen says is working on my happiness wouldn't just make me happier, it would boost the happiness of the people around me. And if you consider yourself a leader and your role is to elevate the potential and the purpose and the passions of the people around you, then if you're happier, it just stands to reason that they would intrinsically become happier.
Speaker 2:I used to have this boss, sam. Oh my God, this has probably been, I'm going to say, maybe eight ish years ago or so years ago or so, and at the time I was responsible for a large program, but indirectly responsible for a team of about 22 people, so they didn't directly report to me, but they were responsible for the outcomes of the program and so, by nature, the people that were around me were people that I somewhat handpicked to be a part of that program. So there was already trust and there was already a belief system and there was already good quality work, because these people were amazingly smart and talented at what they did, but their own managers were not directing the outcomes of this particular program or project. And I can recall one day having a leadership development conference or conversation, excuse me with my manager, and he said I was struggling because it was really hard to measure what we were doing. And so he said Denise, the only thing I want you to do is I want you to be responsible to make your team happy. And I sat back from that and we were all the whole, the whole quote, unquote team, because nobody reported to me was like you can't make us happy like that. We know has to come from within. And so I went back to the boss and I said how do you measure that? How do you measure if I've made someone happy by what? By by work, by you know, what some person's version of happiness at work is could be very different than somebody else's version of it.
Speaker 2:And then I remembered that maybe a few years after that, I was in a john Maxwell conference and he was talking about this concept of happiness and he said the number one thing you need to do and I paused and it was quiet because everyone's writing down what they think the number one thing is to be more happy.
Speaker 2:And so he came back and he said the number one thing you can do is get over yourself. And he ended up writing a song after that, which is kind of funny. So he wrote a song with a couple of his friends and that it was about that you might have all these high standards and all of this stuff, but then at the end, when you're a leader, it's not about you, it's about others, and you cannot give yourself over to them if you don't get over yourself first. And so it makes me often think back to that time with that manager where he said you need to make your team happy, and at the time I felt like I was happy, but that made me not happy listening to him say that that's your goal, because how could you measure something like that?
Speaker 1:Right, right yeah absolutely, and now we actually know a way to measure that.
Speaker 2:But again like that would be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's an interesting, an interesting thought process and I don't know what any interesting thing for a boss to say that you're responsible for. Yeah, very interesting, I like that.
Speaker 2:So, and, by the way, when I told the team that that was my goal, it kind of made all of them unhappy.
Speaker 1:So the reverse effect, right, yeah, it's a that's interesting. There's a lot to explore that. That is, my brains go to mile a minute here. But I thought it was interesting, right, I think we're is my brain's going a mile a minute here? Um, but I thought it was interesting, right, I think we're kind of getting to the end of our time here, but, um, there's this conversation she had with her husband and he said so, if you're pretty happy, why do a happiness project?
Speaker 1:And she said I am happy, but I'm not as happy as I should be. I have such a good life and I want to appreciate it more and live up to it better. And I loved that, right, because she had said the other part earlier in the chapter. But the live up to it better, like, I have a good life and I want to live up to it better, like, and to me it's like that's how you show up, that's the actions, that's the habits you put into place, it's the you know, it's of the 12 different things that Sonia gave us and the how of happiness to go explore, to make yourself happier. It's, it's what do you do.
Speaker 1:And she even it's funny. She even gives her score for the happiness scale and it's above average, like she. She scored above average on happiness like she was already more happy than most people are, like the average of the scores of people. But she wanted to live up to her life better. And I just like that. I'm like man. I got to put that on a post-it note somewhere. I'm going to see it every day. Am I living up to this life that I have, this life that I was given this life that I've worked for? Right, like that's? That is a good question.
Speaker 2:It's a good question and I love that that was the question she asked herself, because this book, when it came out, this was just her personal quest. But she has now built an entire business around the success that she got out of living this out loud herself through her own personal journey. So next week we're going to take you on the journey, one month at a time, but at a week at a time, and I can't wait to explore this with you, sam, on our own quest for elevating our happiness. Because I agree with you, when we started the quest with a how of happiness, I generally felt like I was a happy person. You generally felt like you're a happy person. We both generally felt like you're happy person. We both saw our scores increase. If you have not listened to those episodes, friends, go back, read the how of happiness score yourself. My happiness absolutely increased. Now there's days that there's fluctuation right, just like your heartbeat. There's fluctuation. But but going through these books together has definitely shown me ways to consciously feel about happiness and I'm sure we'll share that in future episodes about what do you do when you notice that fluctuation happening. So next week, stay tuned, we're gonna jump straight in to chapter one or month one, which is about what she did in January to start on her quest for the happiness project.
Speaker 2:As always, it's a pleasure. I'm always happy to be with you, sam, and so friends, my name is Denise Russo. My friend is Sam Powell. There's lots of notes for how you can get in touch with us in the show notes. Our producer is Scott Miller. You don't get to see him often on the screen with us, but he's so instrumental in the background. He makes us happy and he brings this happiness to you each Wednesday. If you haven't started to subscribe or share our podcast, please do that. New episodes come out every single Wednesday. We now are on pretty much all the platforms, including YouTube, where you can access the podcast, apple, spotify, Fathom, wherever you like to listen to shows. We'd love to hear from you. Send us a note. What makes you happier? What are you hoping to get out of this next book, the Happiness Project? But for now, let's end it for today and share that. This has been another episode of what's On your Bookshelf. Bye.