At the end of last year, I was not loving life and struggling to be productive or or enjoy my work. I had to look at behaviors that were coming up for me and understand the steps I needed to take to move forward.
If you are experiencing this feeling or have ever felt this way, there is a way to get out of it.
In this episode, I will go through my steps to get myself out of a rut.
My personal notes:
Take a close look at behaviors and moods that are popping up.
Assess then acknowledge that I’m in a rut.
Decide if i want to do anything about it (can be a small tweak or bigger change)
Think about what feelings I am missing and what I'd like more of.
Remember what has gotten me out of a rut before/What did I used to do that supports ME?
Find three things that I have the bandwidth to do (either adding or subtracting options).
Implementation
Try to only add one task at a time.
Subtraction might not be the same as it takes less bandwidth.
Check on myself every two weeks and add more if I'm doing well.
Decide if my rut is getting better.
My North Star: Keep reminding myself of what I want.
At the end of last year, I was not loving life and struggling to be productive or or enjoy my work. I had to look at behaviors that were coming up for me and understand the steps I needed to take to move forward.
If you are experiencing this feeling or have ever felt this way, there is a way to get out of it.
In this episode, I will go through my steps to get myself out of a rut.
My personal notes:
Take a close look at behaviors and moods that are popping up.
Assess then acknowledge that I’m in a rut.
Decide if i want to do anything about it (can be a small tweak or bigger change)
Think about what feelings I am missing and what I'd like more of.
Remember what has gotten me out of a rut before/What did I used to do that supports ME?
Find three things that I have the bandwidth to do (either adding or subtracting options).
Implementation
Try to only add one task at a time.
Subtraction might not be the same as it takes less bandwidth.
Check on myself every two weeks and add more if I'm doing well.
Decide if my rut is getting better.
My North Star: Keep reminding myself of what I want.
Hi and welcome to the Air we Breathe. I'm your host, heather Sears-Laman. I'm a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, certified Intuitive Eating Counselor and Certified Personal Trainer. I help you get organized and consistent with healthy habits, without rules, obsession or exhaustion. The Air we Breathe a finding well-being that works for you is a podcast created to help you establish a trusted foundation of doable healthy habits and smart self-care skills that can endure every season and last you a lifetime. My guests and I will share ways that you can focus on your physical and mental health with purpose, flexibility and ease.
Speaker 1:
This podcast may contain talk about eating disorders and disordered eating. We minimize mentions of specific behaviors and numbers, but it's still a topic nonetheless. There also could be some swears and or adult language here. Choose wisely if those are problematic for you. I'm happy to be bringing you this rut episode today because it's really 100% a reflection of my own rut and what I am currently doing to get out of it.
Speaker 1:
I did a post about it. Maybe you saw it, maybe you didn't, but basically I found myself at the end of the year just really dragging, pulling to teeth to get myself to get anything done and a lot of seemingly inside pouting. I just something was just not aligned, and when there's no flow and it just seems hard and it doesn't seem right, well, basically that's where I was and I noticed it and didn't do anything about it, which I'll say early enough. But sometimes we notice ourselves sliding and we don't actually stop ourselves from sliding. We wait until it gets to a much worse point. But for me, I went to a burning bowl ceremony on New Year's Eve and I've gone for several years and basically you go and you write down all the things that you want to get rid of for the next year and you take that list outside, chuck it in the burning bowl, burn it up, say goodbye to it. Then you go back inside, have a short meditation and then you decide what you would like to have more of, what you want in your life for the next year.
Speaker 1:
And I am not a big resolution person, or certainly not a new year, new me, but I really wanted some changes in my life and I looked at my list I had made for 2023 from the same ceremony and it was a lot of stuff, a lot of metrics. I went to accomplish these specific things and I probably did. Okay, not great, I don't want to be really hard on myself, but there were a lot of things that I didn't do and many of them were also out of my control, things I wanted to happen. So I really decided and actually my friend that went with me was the same of like I want to focus on feelings this year. How do I want to feel? I don't necessarily want my year wrapped around milestones and metrics, but I just want to feel better than I do right now. So I really focused on the feelings that I really wanted to have in my life every day. It felt a lot better doing it that way and I hadn't realized how much yuck and blah I was actually feeling until I intentionally sat down and did this exercise, which also has its own little micro lessons in it. Checking in a little more often would have been helpful. So I decided that I would take you on my little trip of how I get out of a rut and hopefully you'll find some of the things applicable to you.
Speaker 1:
I always find the first step for me and really most of my clients, is to look at what behaviors are popping up. You will certainly notice at times like I don't feel great, I'm not very happy. I'm feeling very middling. Nothing is awful, but nothing is great. So you might notice that. But for myself, and really for most people, you'll find some behaviors that start popping up. So for me, that's usually shopping, and mostly online shopping. I don't like to go shopping in person and that could be putting things in the cart, could be purchasing them, but just the act of looking for stuff, and not necessarily things that I absolutely need. I've certainly been in different financial places where I couldn't buy anything, but I know that this was just for me a way to do something, do something that's interesting. I'm actually good at finding things. I'm a big discount shopper and I love thrifting, I love using offer up, anyway. So I was definitely noticing that and I also knew I like this because it's not as irritating as social media. It's certainly a lot better than reading the news. There are also some other things that I would enjoy more and I think certainly would benefit me more, and the other behavior is really just avoiding doing what I needed to do.
Speaker 1:
Some people will kind of look at their moods, but other people I think that you can look at your behaviors and everybody's different. So some people might be smoking, they might be drinking more, they might be eating more, they might be sleeping more. But usually there are some things that are tangible and normally I think then the gut reaction is like, oh, I just need to stop doing this thing. But I always think in our peeling of the onion, it's so much better to look deeper, of like why am I doing this? Not just like, oh, this is a problem, but why am I doing this? So that's always the first step. It's like what is bubbling up to the surface and you may have like really good ideas of what's going on underneath and you may be very clueless, like that's also really common and especially this was the rush of the season. So it's very easy to get lost in that whole thing and not really know what's going on inside.
Speaker 1:
So the next piece that I think is important is identifying that I am in a rut. You can't change anything that you don't acknowledge. And if you were in a place where you're like, no, I mean, I think it's just I was needing some sweaters or I needed some things for my office, like okay, like that's fine. But identifying like oh, I would like to be in a better place emotionally is a huge key to trying to find a different place emotionally. And then my third step is really asking if I want to do anything about it. I really need to assess bandwidth. We've been in places where you know what I do, have the emotional energy to do this, and we have been in places where we're like absolutely not changing a thing, can't change a thing.
Speaker 1:
I know for myself in times where things were very hard or very traumatic and I was either pressed financially, pressed emotionally, those other things, and again that could be drinking, smoking, eating, whatever it is. Then I was like we're gonna ride this out because I just am not in a place. It would be harder for me emotionally to change it and I just couldn't do it at that time. So I think it's always really wise to ask yourself like are you in a position where you want to change this and you are able to put some effort in to change it? Also, with all of this like keeping things where it's not like a good or bad of, like ugh. And again I've been in a position and usually more so with food where I was like I am hanging on by my fingernails and I don't want to change this because I don't really have another coping mechanism queued up and I'm just gonna try to get through this.
Speaker 1:
So, making sure that you're being kind to yourself and like assessing if you're ready to do something about it, you also can look at it in a way that there are really small things that you can do about it. There are also some bigger things. We certainly never want to make like big, booming, sweeping changes, because those don't last. So I think it's really important to also acknowledge like I could just do some small things here. So the next step is and these are all in the show notes as well, so don't think that you have to remember all of these. I wrote them down in there for you. You know what is it that I am missing? Also, the same question is like what do I want? So often, our brain just says here's what I don't want, don't like it, don't want it, don't need it Very natural reaction. And then we have the ability to follow that up with like, well, what do you want?
Speaker 1:
When I did my burning bowl ceremony, I did make a list and I will share some of the emotions that I wrote down here. Again didn't have things that I wanted to accomplish, just the emotions. It was passionate, excited, positive, inspiring, grateful, curious and joyful. And these I would say because I'm a pretty low key person. I'm not a person that's like really jazzed or jazzy or outwardly bubbly, if you will, and I just wanted to be excited about something and I know the things that were making me very unexcited. But I just wanted to feel that way when you approach something and you, like you know, rub your hands together like okay, like let's dig in. And I never have the expectation like that that's all day, every day. Like that's the only way I feel now. But I really wanted to feel a lot more inspired and to be more inspiring as well.
Speaker 1:
That's a huge step is really trying to access what you want to feel and I think, of course, always in a journaling format, which I do focus on, like what you want. And if you want my journaling format, the 3D journaling guide, you can go to heathercareslaymancom backslash journal and download that. I find the format helpful because a lot of times when we just free form writing or journaling, that's really to me, ends up being like mostly complaining. But I want to stop and honor myself and say, like what do you want? And I think, as a practice like actually thinking about those feelings but then feeling them Like. What does it feel like inside if I close my eyes, like what does excitement feel like? And feeling that flutter up of when you're in anticipation maybe you're going somewhere, something's going to change, you get to see someone you haven't seen, but just being stoked and really sit with that feeling. Because, again, if we're in a state where we're feeling a little more flat and nothing is bubbling up and not a lot's going on, that's great. It's hard to even remember or access what that feeling is, but I always think it's really helpful to just stop. And if I'm saying like gratified, what does gratified feel like, then I really can think of instances where in mostly like around my work, or if I see my kids do something that perhaps I've helped them do, and I just feel really gratified, like that was fantastic, like I'm so happy I was able to do that. Again, if I see a client change or come back with a revelation or feel proud of themselves, that's one huge one where I just feel so gratified, because I always think everybody has everything within them to make changes. And watching someone acknowledge like, oh, I've got this and I can do it Like that's very gratifying. So again, sit with the feelings.
Speaker 1:
And the fifth step I like to go in the way back machine and really think about what has gotten me out of a rut before. I'm assuming that this would not be your first rut it certainly wasn't mine but I do like to go back and see when I wasn't in a rut, what was I doing when I actually crawled out of that hole. An important piece like what am I doing that supports me? And that is like that's a whole conversation about doing things that support ourselves. I know mostly women not all, but listen to this and certainly as a society, the piece that is not encouraged is like, well, what about you doing something for yourself? Like it's about service to others, taking care of others, doing for others, making sure that your needs aren't too great. So, as a practice, really thinking about like, what do I do to support myself? And I don't necessarily don't hate on things like bubble baths or pedicures, but things that do make your life better. And that could be saying no to something that could be carving out five minutes for yourself somewhere and doing something completely purposeless, but you enjoy it.
Speaker 1:
So in this fifth step, I really think, going back, and for me I went back and I haven't been journaling regularly, so that means I've got a lot of feelings, probably, that are not being processed, certainly not being acknowledged, and I always think, you know, our feelings are certainly messages, their messages from all different parts of us younger us, very young, could be teenager, could be us several years ago, but all of these parts have different needs and wants, and journaling, I think, is a helpful practice to figure out, like what is it that's the problem? What is it that you want? So journaling? I had just now been doing it and then I used to have a more regular meditation practice and the earlier my workouts have gotten, the harder it has been for me to meditate, because I used to do it before I went to workout, which was easy enough to get up 10 minutes earlier.
Speaker 1:
But I already get up at 4.40 in the morning and I don't want to get up 10 minutes earlier. I don't even want to get up at 4.40. But that's the time that works best for my sketch. So I think that for me, those two pieces were something that I know had been helpful in the past and one thing that is important to think of in this step also is there's something that I'm doing now that is absolutely causing me to feel like this and that is causing the rut, contributing to it and for me, when I started this podcast, let's Bring, I started doing social media again. I hadn't, I was on Facebook and I left Facebook in 2017. And so then started Instagram in whatever early 2023.
Speaker 1:
And I left it for a reason I found it tedious, I found it exhausting, just trying to figure out what am I supposed to do Like oh no, you got to kind of say it like this and have it framed like this and then make sure you're also doing this, and I feel like I lose every ounce of authenticity when I'm trying to follow some kind of formula. Also, irony alert within my coaching, all that I'm telling people is to figure out what works for them. Quit following people that you think know better than you do. Quit following these like diets, detoxes, formulas, workouts that don't work for you and you don't like them. You're not going to see the results that you want from them, especially because they're not working for your personality, your lifestyle, your budget, your commitments.
Speaker 1:
So this I say constantly Well, guess who was following all of the social media experts. Here's what you need to do. You need to post six days a week. You should also do stories, carousel posts, blah, blah, blah blah and the pressure of it.
Speaker 1:
I just felt like I mean obviously an obligation, but it's also I'm doing something that I can't figure out because there's an algorithm. There's so many things that are out of my control that I can't do. I don't necessarily want to become an expert, I don't want to study this, and there are a lot of pieces of why this is important to your business these days. All of those things, but something that, for the most part, especially when I'm trying to work in that formulaic way, brings me no joy, because again it's like oh well, you really should say something about the outcome that your clients get. And then I watch other people that are doing it and I'm like that looks awful, like they're talking about the same thing all of the time, and I don't want to do that. I don't want somebody to see my face and be able to predict what is going to come out of my mouth. That is not my idea of joyful, creative social media. Some people do it and they do well with it. It's just not for me.
Speaker 1:
So again, in this looking at you know what's gotten me out of a rut before it was easy to see what I really needed to give up to get out of this rut because I knew really clearly like what was driving me into it. So the next step six is what are three things I have the bandwidth to do? And this does not mean where I'm doing them the most, where I'm doing it to the hilt. This is just what are three things I have the bandwidth to do. Now, currently, in my season of life, my kids are older. They're 21 and 23. They don't need my help on a regular basis, they're not putting things in electric sockets or don't need their clothes laid out. They're actually rarely around and one doesn't even live at home. So anyway, I don't have that kind of commitment and I'm lucky to kind of make my own schedule with work. So I've got some bandwidth.
Speaker 1:
So that's what I determined for myself, and this is where I think it's really important what you determine for yourself. Like I was saying earlier, there have been times where I knew that I was eating to soothe some very difficult emotions because I didn't really have the bandwidth to do anything else, and so that worked for me at the time. That's how I was coping, end of story. So it's important for you to assess for yourself, like, what kind of energy and bandwidth do you have to put towards this? So the three things that certainly I chose to do were get back to journaling regularly and get back to meditating and I knew for me, a short meditation is a okay and then sort of a subtraction component was I've got to change what I'm doing on social media and totally chuck this idea, this concept that I have of this is what these people are saying, that I can be successful doing it this way. Because absolutely not. It wasn't helping and it was making me miserable.
Speaker 1:
So I certainly encourage you to jot those things down, because you can also jot down like here's, 10 things I know that have been helpful before, and we're going to start with a few. There's nothing worse. And somebody came to me and they didn't have a ton of bandwidth and they were like these are three things I need to do. Of course, I ask what sounds like the most important one. So I would say, like dumping the social media for sure, and to asking yourself which one is most important, because having them prioritize, I think it's very helpful.
Speaker 1:
And so the next piece then is looking at implementation. Like, okay, how am I going to do this? When am I going to do this? Am I starting right away? Am I going to let it marinate for a while and you get to decide that, actually speaking, I don't have my clients add multiple things in at once. I have them just do one thing at a time, because success begets success.
Speaker 1:
If we try too many things all at once, like, it's usually just not productive. It can lead to overwhelm and then burnout and then people quit doing everything. So I always encourage one at a time. Like I said, I was going to do all three at once because I felt, of the 20 minutes a day that journaling and meditation 10 minutes for each was going to take not too bad, and then I was gaining back a lot of time because I wasn't doing the other social media stuff.
Speaker 1:
So do you consider that when you're looking at your time, if you're doing some subtraction and you're not doing things, and so this could be something like I was volunteering at my kid's school, or I was doing this extra unpaid project at work, or my in-laws, I was spending a lot of time helping in this arena. Something that you're like this is crushing me and I can't do it. I also understand this is all steeped in privilege, because there are a lot of things that we cannot not do. We have to keep doing them. So just keep in mind that subtraction doesn't always have actually freeze up a little bit of bandwidth so you might be available to do more addition. I think it's a great idea to mark on your calendar that it is day one of trying to get out of my rut so you remember when this was very lucky because mine was New Year's Eve, so that's easy to remember. But if it's March 23rd, that's much harder to remember and you'll want to make a note of it somewhere because you want to check in on yourself. I always encourage the every two week check in because if we wait a month, well it's kind of too long if I haven't been doing anything, or what I said I wanted to do isn't working for me. So I think that two weeks is really good to see what I've been able to accomplish, how I'm doing, and within that you also want to take a temperature check.
Speaker 1:
How are you feeling? Do you feel like the changes you're making are helping. Does it feel like too much? Does it feel oppressive? Do you feel like maybe you're not doing enough? Are you leading this endeavor with self compassion? Are you being kind to yourself, having realistic expectations of how you will feel? So the conversation with yourself is very important and I'll say you're not going to hate yourself out of a rut. You're not going to yell at yourself out of a rut. You're not going to verbally abuse yourself out of a rut. You get out of a rut by acknowledging that you're struggling and you could use a friend in yourself, and that friend in yourself is suggesting things that have been helpful in the past for you to feel better. And you are leading with self-compassion and self-kindness to make positive choices for yourself, and some of those choices may be challenging and you are your greatest cheerleader in this endeavor and you are the one standing on the sidelines clapping for yourself as you are trying to move forward.
Speaker 1:
I think this piece is so important because so many people berate themselves, beat themselves up for being here and, generally speaking, the reason that we are in a rut are all of these different social expectations. It might be social or oppressive roles that we are in that have existed and that are not beneficial to us specifically, but are beneficial to other people. So there's a lot behind it and again, there's just no reason to beat ourselves up about it at all. And the last piece is really reminding yourself of what you want. So right now I'm looking at my computer and my computer actually has a vision board that I need and it has those feelings that I wanted right on the vision board.
Speaker 1:
This was also a practice that I decided to do after New Year's that I hadn't done in years, and I actually, ironically, was cleaning out the cedar chest that I had stored so many things, from graduate school cap and gown to kids birth announcement, all of the things. But I came across some old vision boards and that really sparked a like oh you know, I haven't done that in forever. So I actually did that for myself. I just did it digitally. Don't make me try to find a magazine, I don't know where one is. So I just did it digitally. I did it inside Canva and it is now the background of my laptop. So it helps me to remember when I'm saying I want to be positive and I'm saying that I want to be curious and joyful, am I doing things that are leading me in that direction and have I changed my attitude about some things to create more of those emotions? So I think that I've got this visual reminder very easy.
Speaker 1:
If you, I mean, this is more of a vulnerable piece. I don't have people looking at my computer, so it doesn't matter. Is it a sticky note? Is it something that is around, but it's sort of written in code, so nobody is in your business and nobody knows what that is. Are you using symbols instead? But how are you reminding yourself that you're really trying to get out of this and you're trying to get out of this and you're trying to change some things for yourself? I think finding a small practice around that can be extremely helpful because, also, this is an endeavor Again, self compassion and self kindness, and it's like leaving yourself some little breadcrumbs back to yourself and you're just reminding yourself ever so gently, that you are ready for you to come home, you're ready for you to feel better about yourself, better about your life, and you're there to help. So, again, making sure that it's a gentle reminder.
Speaker 1:
So these are my tips and tricks about getting out of a rut. These are things I'm currently doing. I will say absolutely. It is helping so much so far and I still need to go back and figure out, like, how do you want to do social media and in what way are we going to approach this? That works very much for us. So that's still on my to-do, that's in my marinate bin, my marinate Tupperware in my fridge, that I've got to go back and like figure out something that works for me and it doesn't have to be the same day after day, it doesn't have to be the same week after week. Like I get to change as I change and I might change my attitude, I might change my availability, but that's still absolutely on my to-do list.
Speaker 1:
So when you made your list of things that were helpful and you prioritize that, there are other things that you might still be thinking about and it's just in your back pocket, ruminating on it a little bit from time to time, of what you might do in the future. So I hope that these steps help for you. Again, they're in the show notes if you want to see them, because this is always going to happen. It would be wildly inaccurate to ever think that we're just going to hit something nice smooth past, smooth path, smooth sailing. We're off to the races, things are going to stay the same. That's not the way life works at all, and the more we're prepared to make a change or do something different, the better off we're going to be, because, again, we need to be there for ourselves, to make some changes and to listen to ourselves and to see what's going to be helpful. You can always send me a DM on Instagram and let me know how this process is going for you, because I'm always very curious to see how you're using this information, and maybe it's just saved up for later. Maybe it is to use a friend that's struggling, but hopefully you are able to start digging yourself out.
Speaker 1:
Thanks so much for being here and thanks for listening. Thanks so much for listening today. Do you know what would be really fun if you popped over to my Instagram at Heather Sare's layman and dropped me a DM and let me know what topics you want me to cover? Something bugging you? Something holding you up? Please just let me know and I will tweak some content and get an episode out just for you. As always, please follow show, or you can leave a five star review on Apple or Spotify. That would be fun too. See you in the next episode.
